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For women and people with vaginas, orgasms most commonly come from the clitoris, located above the vaginal opening and urethra (1,2,3).

The clitoris is the primary source of female sexual pleasure (2,4).

Feel-good areas: erogenous zones

Erogenous zones are areas of the body that elicit a sexual response when stimulated. This can include the genital area, nipples, or anywhere, really—whatever you’re into.

The clitoris is one of the most sensitive erogenous zones due to its high concentration of nerve endings (4,5). By stimulating an erogenous zone, a sexual physiological response can be set into motion.

The clitoris is part of the vulva, the name for the external parts of female genitalia. The vagina is the tube connecting the vulva and the cervix.

Here is a diagram of a vulva:

Stimulation of the clitoris can be applied directly, internally (through the vagina), and/or through stimulation of the other parts of the vulva.

Many people with vaginas—despite perhaps enjoying and getting excited from penetrative sex—don’t always orgasm from intercourse.

Direct stimulation to the glans clitoris or clitoral hood is usually needed for the final push to reach orgasm (1,3).

Where is the clitoris? Let’s look at the anatomy.

Every person is different, and has different sexual erogenous zones, desires, and turn ons. We cannot stress this enough! There is no “one best way” to stimulate the clitoris — you’ll need to do some experimenting.

That being said, here are some tips to help you and your partner get off.

1. Set the mood. Be in a place in which you feel comfortable.

If you are with a partner, setting the mood could involve kissing, foreplay, and exploring each other’s bodies.

If you are flying solo, feel free to get comfortable with any other erogenous zones of your body (like your nipples). Don’t forget your mind — if you want and aren’t feeling particularly turned on by your imagination, you can also get your head in the game with some porn or sexy literature.

2. Introduce yourself to the area close to the clitoris.

Using whatever you like: your fingers, your partners finger’s or mouth/tongue, or another (clean) object like a sex toy. You can also try using a shower head, vibrator, or even the friction of your underwear against something, like a pillow. Once you feel comfortable with the area around the clitoris and are ready, it’s time to directly stimulate the clitoris.

3. Starting gently and softly, touch or stroke the clitoris.

The clitoris is not just a magic button, so simply pressing it (for most people) won’t instantly produce an orgasm. Don’t pretend to be a DJ either by forcefully scratching it back and forth—nobody likes that.

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4. Take your time.

It’s a small area, and may seem daunting at first. “How can I be creative enough to stimulate such a tiny area of skin?” Listen to your body, or your partner, and get feedback on what feels good.

You could try gentle back and forth motions, small circular motions, or even a light tap.

Engage the clitoral hood too—remember, it also has nerve endings and the body of the body of the clitoris curves back behind it, before becoming buried inside your pelvis. Check in with yourself or your partner—does this feel good?

5. You can start experimenting with pressure, speed, body parts (like tongues if you are with a partner), toys, or vibration.

When most people are turned on, they begin to produce arousal fluid, which can help make stimulating the clitoris and vagina more comfortable.

6. Consider adding some personal lubricant to the mix.

We’re big fans of lube.

7. You can also try stimulating the clitoris from the inside using a penis, sex-toy, or fingers.

Not everyone will be able to be stimulated or even reach an orgasm the first time, or every time, they have sex or masturbate—and that’s okay.

The only real important thing is that you enjoy yourself. If you aren’t having fun, don’t do it.

Clitoris research and the G-spot

The clitoris—both its anatomy and function—is a hotly debated topic (1). Taboos about discussing women’s sexuality and pleasure have contributed to the lack of research in these areas. But as taboos are broken, more research will hopefully provide further clarity in understanding the clitoris.

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The existence or function of the G-spot is not 100 percent clear. Some research claims it could be associated with female ejaculation (also known as “squirting”) (10,11).

Other researchers suggest that the G-spot isn’t necessarily an actual physical entity, but instead the place where the sides of the vestibular bulbs of the clitoris make contact with the anterior wall of the vagina (12).

This suggests that a “vaginal orgasm” may actually still be connected to the clitoris—each thrust during penetrative vaginal intercourse or contraction of the pelvic muscles—can stimulate the clitoris (1,2,12).

Clitoris size

The external part of the clitoris, the glans clitoris, as well as the clitoral hood, can vary greatly from person to person.

Exposure to androgens can cause the clitoris to enlarge during any life stage, including during development in the womb, during childhood, and during adulthood (13). When a clitoris size is large enough to be considered abnormal, this is called clitoralomegaly.

The clitoris and the penis—a shared beginning

The penis and the clitoris are related in structure to one another. In fact, they actually originate from the same developmental tissue (5).

At eight weeks of fetal development, the Y chromosome on male DNA will activate the differentiation of the genital tissue to develop into a penis, instead of a clitoris (3-5). Many of the parts of the clitoris are similar to that of the penis, but differ in shape and size, and are located in different places.

Is the clitoris a small penis—or the penis a giant clitoris?

Everybody reaches orgasm differently. Experimenting with masturbation or sex positions—and having patience—can help you figure out what works best for you.

Article was originally published Feb. 22, 2018.

Women’s Sexual Pleasure, Orgasm, and Touching

Source: By Beercha (Flickr: ) [CC BY 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons

The scope of the problem

Women’s experiences with sexual pleasure and orgasm have been an area of ongoing interest for many years. In spite of many embattled advances, female sexuality remains mystified and downplayed in general. Male sexuality is more out in the open and accepted to a greater extent (though still being understood), while female sexuality remains in many respects taboo, and inter-related with gender-based bias in our culture. Individuals, couples, and clinicians benefit from better information to enhance the sexual experience.

A greater understanding of female sexuality sets the stage for future research by determining which behaviors and techniques actually lead to the greatest pleasure for women. It’s a profoundly important pursuit, one with implications for cultural change reaching beyond individual pleasure to challenge and destabilize norms. At the same time, fostering empowerment for individuals helps on a grassroots level by filling in missing information, sometimes surprisingly elementary. Take the basic anatomy of female erectile tissue, for example. Until only recently (O’Connell et al., 2005), the clitoris was construed by many to be exclusively a surface structure.

As many people now know, thanks to media coverage in the last several years—I’m willing to bet that this is still news to a number of readers in spite of the recent buzz—the clitoris is actually quite extensive, connecting with substantial erectile tissue which extends back into the pelvis in a wishbone shape, encircling the vagina (e.g., Encyclopaedia Britannica). These findings have important implications for sexuality as well as reproduction, and pondering why it took so long to discover the true form and functions of female erectile tissue leads one to speculate about gender politics in the field of medicine.

According to Herbenick and colleagues (2017), in spite of research and speculation, the question about what sexual activities and what kinds of behavior result in the greatest pleasure sexually has not been investigated among U.S. women using statistically representative samples (“probability” samples) from which generalizations about the whole population could be made. Instead, studies have relied on “convenience” samples, introducing a major area of potential error due to self-selection.

In addition, research including probability samples has not addressed the specifics of sexual behaviors, including genital touch, and instead has focused on basic questions of sexual satisfaction and dissatisfaction without elaborating important details. There is more and more known every day about the neuroscience of sexuality, and more information in mass-market materials, including popular books and other sources, about sexual needs and techniques, but empirical data investigating the finer details of women’s sexual experiences is in short supply.

Therefore, Herbenick and colleagues set out to bridge the gap in our current understanding by designing a study using a probabilistic sample of women to find out what women’s experiences are when it comes to sex, focusing on orgasm and a detailed inquiry into genital touch.

Basic study design

In June of 2015, study authors used the KnowledgePanel® probability-based survey group panel (from a research company, GfK Research) to query a representative sample of 1,055 U.S. women, representing 43 percent of the total group first contacted. It is standard practice to then correct for possible errors in bias due to who chooses to complete the survey using statistical corrections based on knowledge of the population sampled. Such panels are U.S. Postal Service address-based sources of data developed to provide internet-based access to a representative sample of the population, and they are developed to ensure accuracy as much a possible (e.g., homes without internet are provided with access and hardware to allow proper sampling), and are considered to be valid sources for probabilistic samples.

Questions regarding sexuality and touch were included in a larger set of 30 questions related to multiple aspects of sexuality and relationships. They used extensive prior work done by OMGYes ( to help develop parts of the questionnaire related to various styles of genital touching, going into impressive and crucial detail.

Respondents were asked about where they liked to be touched in terms of specific anatomic sub-regions, what kind of touch they liked, what kinds of motions (e.g., circular, diagonal, different-shaped ovals, flicking, squeezing, pinching, pulling, and other actions). They were asked in detail about clitoral stimulation preferences and sexual behaviors like delaying climax and how to best enjoy multiple orgasms. They were asked about their general experience with orgasm, using questions such as “Thinking about your entire life, would you say”:

  1. Some orgasms feel better than others.
  2. All orgasms feel pretty much the same.
  3. I don’t know/I haven’t had enough to know.

The researchers used additional questions, elaborating as necessary: for example, “For you, what do you think helps some orgasms feel better than others?” They followed up with even more alternatives for further clarification. In short, in a way which hasn’t been done before, the study authors and their collaborating partners have sought to really articulate a refined sense of female sexual behavior and experience based on empirical data.

What did they find?

The women sampled ranged in age from 18 to 94, with most identifying as heterosexual and more than half being married. Demographically, they were reflective of the U.S. population, after statistical weighting as noted above. Two-thirds reported sexual activity with partners in the last year, two-thirds of whom reported having vaginal intercourse, about half reported receiving oral sex, and two-thirds reporting genital touching by partners.

Nearly 40 percent of women reported needing clitoral stimulation to orgasm during intercourse, and about the same percent reported that even if they did not need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, it made the experience more pleasurable. Almost 20 percent found vaginal penetration alone sufficient for orgasm. The remaining women reported not having an orgasm during intercourse at all or described alternative patterns, such as stimulation before intercourse, orgasm after intercourse by oral sex, and so on. Additional responses regarding orgasm during intercourse and clitoral stimulation support the finding that, regardless of whether women could orgasm with penetration alone, clitoral stimulation resulted in significantly higher rates of orgasm during intercourse.

Most women reported that some orgasms feel better than others, about three-fourths of the sample. About 11 percent said that all orgasms feel pretty much the same, and about the same reported they didn’t know or didn’t have enough orgasms to know. Of those who felt not all orgasms are created equal, the average age when they realized this was at about 24.5 years old. What did women report enhanced orgasm? Many reported that orgasm was enhanced by spending more time to build arousal, having a partner who knows what they like, emotional intimacy, and clitoral stimulation during orgasm, lending support to our current understanding. Interestingly, less than 20 percent of women reported the duration of sex as a factor contributing to a better orgasm.

There were a great deal of detailed findings regarding the specifics of touch—far too much to report in full here. In general, women preferred clitoral touching around the clitoris, brushing over the clitoris without applying pressure, and labial stimulation. Less than 10 percent liked stimulation of the mons pubis, and very few (around 5 percent) did not want the clitoris touched. What shapes or styles of touch did women like? More than half reported liking vertical and circular movements, with about one third liking side-to-side motions. About 40 percent of women liked one kind of touch, 15 percent two kinds, 16 percent three, and a small fraction reported liking more styles. There were four patterns of stimulation respondents liked the most, reported by over 75 percent: rhythmic motion, circling around motion, switching between motions, and alternating between lighter and firmer touch. There was considerable detail about what exact anatomic approaches were preferred.

Further, regarding orgasm, two-thirds of women participants reported liking delaying orgasm, using different techniques from stopping and starting again, to touching less sensitive areas, to shifting to less intense motions and slowing down. Nearly half of women reported multiple orgasms, and they had different preferences about what to do after the first orgasm, about half saying returning to an earlier similar stimulation, a third reporting they liked continuing with the same motion, and about a third reporting doing something completely different.

Additional considerations

This study provides rich and useful information for further research, individual consideration, and for advancing clinical approaches addressing sexual issues.

They found that there was a great deal of variation in genital touching preference, and suggested that women could benefit from particular consideration of location, pressure, shape/style and patterns of touch, etc., to guide sexual exploration. Only 1 in 10 women reported liking firm pressure, an important finding to bear in mind. Furthermore, they found that fewer women report orgasm with only vaginal penetration than with vaginal penetration combined with clitoral stimulation, providing empirical support for something many already understand from personal experience.

Almost 75 percent of women found clitoral stimulation was either necessary for orgasm or made orgasms better. Adding clitoral stimulation during vaginal penetration improved both the frequency and the quality of orgasm—but quality of orgasm was associated even more strongly with building arousal, having a partner who knows them, and sharing emotional intimacy. Importantly, the duration of intercourse was reported as a factor contributing to higher quality orgasm for only one in five women.

The study authors conclude:

“These findings also suggest that encouraging clients to develop a more specific vocabulary for discussing and labeling their preferences could empower them to better explore and convey to partners what feels good to them. Indeed, the use of more specific and comfortable terms when talking about sex has implications for couples’ happiness and closeness.”

Please send questions, topics, or themes you’d like me to try and address in future blogs via my PT bio page.

Female orgasms and a ‘rule of thumb’

During intercourse, the female orgasm can be elusive. What frustrated woman hasn’t wondered: Am I simply, um, put together differently than other women?

Kim Wallen, professor of psychology and behavioral neuroendocrinology at Emory University, is busy doing the math to find out. And, yes, he says, simple physiology may have a lot to do with orgasm ease — specifically, how far a woman’s clitoris lies from her vagina.

That number might predict how easily a woman can experience orgasms from penile stimulation alone — without help from fingers, toys or tongue — during sexual intercourse.

In fact, there’s even an easy “rule of thumb,” Wallen says: Clitoris-vagina distances less than 2.5 cm — that’s roughly from the tip of your thumb to your first knuckle — tend to yield reliable orgasms during sex. More than a thumb’s length? Regular intercourse alone typically might not do the trick.

Wallen is not the first to check into this “C-V distance.” In the 1920s, Princess Marie Bonaparte, a French psychoanalyst and close friend of Sigmund Freud, grew fed up with her own lack of orgasmic response. In her professional practice, she saw plenty of patients with the same complaint (“frigidity,” in the parlance of the day).

She blamed physiology, not psyche.

Bonaparte collected C-V and orgasm data from her patients and in 1924 delicately published her observations under a pseudonym. (She also persuaded an Austrian surgeon to experiment on her, by cutting around her clitoris and stretching it closer to her vagina — with disappointing results.)

Recently, Wallen dug up Bonaparte’s measurements and analyzed them with modern statistical techniques. Sure enough, he found a striking correlation. Now he is hoping to do his own measurement study.

Preliminary work has revealed that only about 7% of women always have orgasms with sex alone, he says, while 27% say they never do. The current research hold-up: developing a reliable, at-home technique for measuring C-V distance, especially one that can deal with stretchy skin.

Women with a large C-V distance should not be discouraged, Wallen says. “Personally, I don’t think the inability to experience no-hands, penis-only intercourse with orgasm says anything about a happy sex life,” he says. “Maybe it could allow couples to be a bit more inventive in how they have sex.”

He acknowledges that the measure might become one more standard women feel they need to live up to, like breast size. “People would ask, ‘Is your distance really small?’ ”

Kama sutra sexual pose The Reverse Cowgirl stock illustration…

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7 Tips For Cowgirl, The Best Sex Position For Feelin’ Yourself

When it’s comes to sex positions, some are just more sexy than others. I mean, I love missionary— I genuinely do— but it doesn’t have the same oomph as some of them. For example, the cowgirl sex position has oomph. A lot of oomph. Not only does it let the woman take control, it’s also an amazing position for feeling confident in general.

And part of what makes it one of my favorite sex positions is that there are so many ways to mix it up. It’s a winner— for both parties. Sex therapist Sarah Watson tells Bustle that it can be fun and exciting for couples, especially because variations on cowgirl can help give you access to the G-spot and allows a different view for each partner. “I would say that it can be really fun for couples to switch it up and find out what helps them feel pleasure and enjoy sex,” Watson says. And with cowgirl, you can really switch it up.

The only problem is, if you’re used to taking a less dominant role, then it can be a little intimidating to be on top. I know friends who have been sexually active for years who have never tried it — seriously, not once. And they’re really missing out. It can definitely feel exposing or a lot of pressure climbing on top and taking control, but I promise you: it’s so worth it. You just need to try it a few times and get the hang of it.

So here are seven tips for the cowgirl position, because it’s going to make you feel like a damn queen (And if all else fails, listen to some Beyoncé). But first, check out our video on sex positions for small penises:

Bustle on YouTube

1. Use Your Arms As Support

One of the questions my friends ask a lot is “What do I do with my arms?!” If you’re feeling a little nervous about being on top, lean forward so your closer to your partner and you can use your arms to brace yourself. Not only does it give you the feeling of security, you can then use them to help move up and down, grind, whatever you like. You can even lie down in the modified position to feel extra secure.

2. Lean Back

Similarly, you can use your arms to brace you but instead of leaning forward, lean back. This not only gives your partner a crazy good view, but it also gives a great opportunity for them to play with your clit, which makes the position about a billion times better immediately.

3. Reverse It

Reverse cowgirl — the dream. It’s great, although to be honest, I had to be feeling pretty confident when I first tried this position, but it’s totally worth it. Your partner gets a view from behind, and the whole thing feels really animalistic and hot because you’re just going for it without even seeing your partner’s face. You can still use your arm as a brace to bounce and grind. Just be careful if your partner has a penis not to break it. (Seriously, it’s a thing. Move slowly into it your first time).

4. Tease

You’re in control, remember that. You’re in charge and the view means your partner can see you being 100 percent in charge, so work with it. You can tease them with a just-the-tip situation, or once you get them close, you can back off and start again. Play around— teasing and anticipation makes everything stronger.

5. Play With Yourself

Once you get your balance, you can use your arms and hands for other things. Nipple play? Check. Clit play? Double check. It’s also a great position to introduce a bullet vibrator if you’re looking to try. There are so many options.

6. Sit Up

Even though you’re in the dominant position, it doesn’t have to be with your partner completely horizontal. Whether you go for a chair or just have them leaning against the wall or a pillow in bed, you can get a more face-to-face, intimate experience to change up this position. It can be especially helpful if you’re feel a little less sure, and will help you ease your way into it.

7. Give Up Control

One of the sexiest things you can do is play with dynamics of a certain position. Have them take over even while you’re on top, or swap back and forth. Playing with expectations keeps things interesting and emphasizes the interplay between you. Mix it up.

Images: Caroline Wurtzel/Bustle (4); Giphy (4)

HARLEY Brash intrigued Love Island fans when she mentioned her favourite sexual position is the Reverse Cowgirl.

The stunning Newcastle native made the kinky revelation during a racy chat with her fellow Islander, Chris Taylor, who’s favourite is the Anaconda. Here is all you need to know about the Reverse Cowgirl…

3 A diagram illustrating the reverse cowgirl favoured by Love Island’s Harley Brash

What is the Reverse Cowgirl sex position?

A survey carried out by Lovehoney, found Britain’s second favourite sexual position is the Cowgirl, however, there is more than one method.

Cowgirl involves a woman straddling their partner and is a common move enjoyed by couples in the UK.

But there are variations to the position favoured by Brits such as Reverse Cowgirl, which as the name suggests is doing it in the opposite direction.

The definition for Reverse Cowgirl on the Urban Dictionary, reads: “A sexual position where the female is in a superior position by placing herself on top of the male and facing his feet.”

3 Harley Brash and Chris Taylor became a couple in episode 41 of Love Island

What did Harley Brash say about the Reverse Cowgirl sex position?

Before taking part in the couples’ quiz challenge in episode 41 of Love Island, the stunning estate agent and Chris Taylor attempted to get to know one another better.

As they chatted by the pool, the topic of favourite sex positions was mentioned and the blonde bombshell revealed hers is the Reverse Cowgirl.

“Reverse Cowgirl,” the 20-year-old from Newcastle offered, before Chris added: “Was gonna say you look like a Reverse Cowgirl kind of girl. Mine is the Anaconda.”

“ the f**k’s an Anaconda?!” she exclaimed, to which he quipped: “I don’t think we have time to go through that right now.”

If like Harley you have no clue what the Anaconda is

3 Harley Brash was a contestant on Love Island series five

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What has sex expert Annabelle Knight said about the Reverse Cowgirl?

The relationship guru recommended this position for both partners, with her saying the manoeuvre is ideal for shy women.

She told Daily Star: “He gets a fantastic view, and if she’s normally a little shy, she may feel more uninhibited because there’s no eye contact.

“Plus, in this position, it’s easy to work in some clitoral stimulation with a bullet vibrator, which she can also use across his balls and perineum.”

7 Sex Positions To Get To Know Your Partner

Having sex for the first time with a new partner can be total fireworks — or awkward as hell. But having bad sex the first time doesn’t mean the sex will always be bad. You have to leave some room for people to grow together. Sometimes that just means working out their nerves, sometimes it’s getting to know each other, and sometimes it’s a straight up conversation about the fact that the sex isn’t working.

” have awkward conversations,” sexologist and relationship expert Dr. Nikki Goldstein tells Bustle. “Often people can have sex but are scared to talk about it out of fear that might offend their partner or it might be awkward. In order to have a healthy sex life you need to have sometimes uncomfortable conversations about what might not be working in the bedroom or what you want more or less of.”

If it’s not great in the beginning, there’s really no need to panic. I’ve had some really bad sex with people at first that turned into good sex later. If you’ve got some natural chemistry, you can get the mechanics right with time. Make sure you’re having an open dialogue and stick to positions that aren’t too complicated and will help you get to know each other.

Here are the best sex positions for getting to know a new partner, because sometimes it’s about laughing together:

1. Legs Up Missionary

Caroline Wurtzel/Bustle

How To Do It: Start in missionary and slowly move your legs up over their shoulders. Ideally, you rest with your knees on hooked on them, but if not, just stick to a slightly modified missionary — that’ll be intense enough.

Why It’s Helpful:Missionary is a classic position with enough intimacy to help you get to know your partner. Plus this variation — along with giving you some really intense penetration — requires some communication, verbal or nonverbal, to make sure you’re comfortable. It’ll show how well they’re paying attention.

Caroline Wurtzel/Bustle

How To Do It: Straddle your partner and then go for it. You can lean forward as pictured above or put your weight back. For a bonus modification and more intimacy, have your partner more upright, with their back up against the wall.

Why It’s Helpful: Some women feel exposed in this position, so it can be good for bonding with a new partner. But mostly, it’s just sexy AF and will help you feel confident in showing off your moves.

3. Doggy Style

Caroline Wurtzel/Bustle

How To Do It: With you on your hands and knees, your partner sits behind you and enters you from the back. It’s really deep, but you can always use your hand (or tell them to use theirs) if you’re needing some clitoral stimulation.

Why It’s Helpful: How a partner does doggy can tell you a lot about them real quick. Are they uncomfortably hammering away back there? Is it intense but in a great way? You’ll know as soon as you get going.

4. Weak In The Knees

Caroline Wurtzel/Bustle

How To Do It: It’s pretty straightforward — and works in a lot of locations. While they sit on the edge of the bed, you kneel on the floor. It’s perfect for oral, hand play, and taking turns.

Why It’s Helpful: You get a chance to really focus on pleasing your partner and, with nothing else going on, you can really pay attention to what they like and dislike. Then they can do the same for you.

5. Modified Doggy

Caroline Wurtzel/Bustle

How To Do It: Start by laying down and arch your hips — using a pillow below them if it helps. Or you can start in doggy and collapse onto your elbows. Either way, it should be an intense sensation, but in a good way.

Why It’s Helpful: It’s really intimate and gives you a chance for dirty talk or whispering without the intense, face-to-face contact that might feel a bit much when you’re getting to know someone. Plus, it feels amazing.

6. Spooning

Caroline Wurtzel/Bustle

How To Do It: Lay on the bed with your hips above your partner’s, as they curl around you from behind and enters you. You may need lube or to adjust your angles a bit — when you get it right it’ll hit your G-spot.

Why It’s Helpful: It requires a little negotiating and adjusting and you may need to add lube into it, so it’s a great way to work out communication with a new partner. And because it’s such a reassuring, cozy position you’ll feel comfortable with each other immediately.

7. Standing

Caroline Wurtzel/Bustle

How To Do It: The wall is your friend, so stay close. While your partner stands behind you, spread your legs slightly and brace yourself on the wall. Lifting one leg can make it easier for them to enter you, but lube helps too— and, if there’s a big height difference, don’t be scared to stand on a pillow or something to even it out.

Why It’s Helpful: Because there’s a good chance you’ll fall over — and laughing about it together is great bonding. And if you get it right? Well, then you’ll feel like porn stars.

If the first few times having sex with a new partner is a little awkward, don’t worry — it can totally get better. Just let yourself get to know each other, talk it out, and you’ll be there in no time.

Lazy sex syndrome is definitely a real thing—and for good reason. In the heat of the moment, it doesn’t always feel organic to stop what you’re doing and rearrange your bodies and limbs into a new sex positions. In other words: Why reinvent the so-called wheel when you can settle into the oh-so-comfortable spoon position, or revert to the position that always, unfailingly gets you off?

I’ll give you a few reasons to consider. First of all, you never know where a different-than-normal sex position might lead—and while an orgasm might be one of the lucky results of trying something new, it could also simply be a tantalizing way to build things up; a strategy to keep things fresh with your partner; or an excuse to appreciate all the awesome things our bodies can do.

While the 10 positions here don’t require Cirque de Soleil-level athleticism, some require a little more effort (and, occasionally, flexibility) than most of your standard sex positions. And some are minor twists on classics that are just a good reminder to try every so often. Trust: Even incorporating one of these or so per week will add juicy variety to your sexual repertoire that you and your partner will love.

Jenny Yuen.

1. Crab

This position is similar to cowgirl, but a little trickier, because you’ll be leaning back with your arms supporting your weight, rather than your knees. “Ease into it slowly, and be sure to check in with , because sudden movements could strain penis,” says sexologist Emily Morse, Ph.D., host of Sex with Emily. “Once you’re comfortably in position, move your body up and down or grind back and forth. Go slowly, and keep in mind that you might not want to try this one if you and your partner aren’t at all flexible. “The can help to support partner by slightly bending knees so that can use thighs for some support, instead of resting all weight on hands,” says Morse. *This sex position works for all gender pairings!

Jenny Yuen.

2. Cowboy

This one is like vagina-owner-on-top, in heterosexual, cis-gendered couples, except with the genders reversed. Lie down with your legs straight out, have the penis-owner straddle the vagina-owner from above, and enter the vagina (the vagina-owner may need to start with their legs wide and the penis-owner’s knees between the vagina-owner’s thighs, and then adjust).

“This position increases the intensity and tightness for both partners,” says Morse. “Many are able to reach orgasm more easily when their legs are clenched closer together, and will enjoy the added tightness as he enters. Climax may happen quickly for both of you—you’ve been warned!”

Jenny Yuen.

3. Absolute 69

Great for partners of all genders and orientations, the absolute 69 is a slight variation on the regular 69 in that one partner is directly on top of the other, facedown. Some sources suggest adding digital penetration to the mix to really take things over the top—assuming your partner is down. *This sex position works for all gender pairings!

Jenny Yuen.

4. Victory

Lie down on your back and have your partner grab your legs, holding them out in a V-shaped position while kneeling and thrusting. “This position is called ‘victory’ for a reason, as it allows deep, intense penetration, excellent for G-spot stimulation—and potential orgasm for both partners,” says Morse.

Jenny Yuen.

5. Simple Scissors

This position is great stimulation for both partners, whether it’s two vagina-owners or a vagina-owner and a penis-owner. “The intense friction can feel amazing, but don’t forget to use lube and reapply as needed,” says Morse. “This way you can keep grinding and the lube will add some needed slip which will not only adds to the intensity, but makes it more slick than dry from the rubbing.”

Jenny Yuen.

6. Side to Side

Feeling tired or lazy? Try side to side, which is a slightly more energized and interesting version of spooning. “I often recommend this for times when your energy level doesn’t match your desire to have sex,” says Morse. “It’s an equal opportunity position, where both partners are working at the same intensity and neither has to do more work than the other.”

Jenny Yuen.

7. Arch

“This position allows for deep penetration,” says Morse. “Just make sure to place a pillow under your head for comfort. Another variation is for the to lie all the way back onto the edge of the bed while enters—this can be a little easier on your neck.”

Jenny Yuen.

8. Fusion

This is similar to crab, except the bottom partner is sitting up, leaning against a headboard, wall, or supporting themselves with their arms, while the top partner thrusts up and down while facing them. While it might tire your arms out (so don’t attempt it after doing, say, crab), it also allows for a lot of flexibility and range of movement, allowing you each to hit the spots that feel best.

Jenny Yuen.

10. Cross

The cross is one of the great under-appreciated, relatively easy, and super-pleasurable sex positions. Lie back, missionary-style, at a right angle to your partner, and curve your knees over ass/torso while enters you. It’s a unique and super-direct angle for penetration, and while it’s less intimate than face-to-face positions, at least you can still make eye contact.

A version of this article originally appeared in October 2016.

The top 5 best sex positions to arrive on time

Every couple wants to get the best out of the sex they have, and accomplish mutual pleasure. Nevertheless, time and time again, men end up finishing his fun during sex way before women really begins to enjoy the intimacy. Don’t fret, as there are certain sex positions which will give both of you the intimacy at the same time, increasing her pace and slowing him down. Even Durex can help you in this department – our Mutual Climax condoms come with ribs on the outside to speed her up, and benzoclaine lube on the inside, which will slow him down.

Trying different sex positions can add a spark to your sex life. If you believe you and your partner have identified the best sex style, think again. There are so many sex positions you may have never tried, and different sex styles can stimulate different parts of your body. From old school positions like cowgirl and missionary sex position, to new age fantasizes like the cross, below mentioned are top five sex positions that will help you achieve mutual climax with your partner.


  1. The Cowgirl
  2. This position will be very similar among couples that have been having sex for quite some time. In this position, the man lies on his back and the woman is on top, facing him. This gives woman the control over the depth and penetration and decide the pace of the sex, and also it being amazing for clitoris stimulation. For men, this position allows him to easily stimulate the women with his fingers, thereby aiding the women in achieving orgasm quicker. However, the penis will be highly stimulated, because the woman would end up moving back and forth instead of up and down, making the man last longer too.

  3. Missionary
  4. Among the many different sex styles, the missionary sex position is a hot favourite. This sex style involves the woman lying on her back with the man lying facedown on her. The reason people pick the missionary sex position as their best sex style is because it is simple and effective. Shifting the legs a little can stimulate different parts of the body.

  5. Spooning
  6. Despite being seen as an act of affection among couples which not necessarily include intimacy, it can also be used as a sex position. It is ideal when you want to take your time getting intimate with your partner and are feeling lazy at the same time. The position involves the man lying on his side, spooning the woman from behind, and slowly penetrating. Penetration will be shallow, so the man won’t get overstimulated, making him last longer. However, the proximity between you both, as your penis rubs against her G-spot, can amplify the intimacy making it easier for the woman to achieve orgasm. Many women consider this as their best position for sex.

  7. Cross
  8. This one may become your favourite among the top 5 sex positions. The cross position might not cross your mind instantly when you think of sex positions and you might find it a bit difficult to pull off, but if you manage to master this art, it can be very rewarding for both you and your partner. The position has got its name as partner’s form a cross with their bodies, as the man lies on his side with the woman on her back, legs raised. The man then enters by opening her legs and pressing himself against her. Although, this position involves deeper penetration than spooning and gives you heightened level of pleasure, with limited movement options for the man there are no chances of he leaving the party soon.

  9. Modified Doggy Style
  10. We are all aware of the doggy style sex position, but have you heard of the modified doggy style position? Well as the name suggests, it’s an advanced version of the old favourite. In the original position, you have the man thrusting the woman from behind, who is on all fours, as the man holds on to her hips. In the modified doggy style, the women lowers herself down, with the man doing the same. Even though the man and woman would experience the same thrill of doing it doggy style, this is designed for a long and intimate session instead of short and sweet experience like in the case of regular doggy style. As the penetration won’t be that deep for him, you can both work towards achieving that mutual climax.No wonder then that this is among the best sex positions for many couples.

  11. One More Worth a Mention
  12. Apart from these top 5 sex positions, there is one more that should be on the list of best sex positions. It’s Sitting, as it’s another slow burner guaranteed to give you explosive climax. In this position, the man sits cross legged with the woman straddling on top of him. The woman wraps her legs around his back and links her arms around his neck, this way she gets to control the pace of things. It also helps in deep penetration, but without the chance of overly deep thrusting which generally is the reason behind premature end to any intimacy.

You may have chosen your best position for sex, but it’s a great idea to keep trying different sex positions and aim for total mutual satisfaction. So, go ahead, enjoy sex with worrying about it all ending too soon.

This infographic sheds light on some of the most popular sex positions tried by couples all across the globe and explain how it helps both partners achieve orgasm.

This infographic sheds light on some of the most popular sex positions tried by couples all across the globe and explain how it helps both partners achieve orgasm.

Best position in sex

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