Please, tell me if you need to pee.
So you’re here for your massage appointment. You check in, drink a glass of lemon or cucumber water, and your massage therapist greets you. You’re led down a dimly lit hallway to your treatment room. You disrobe and lie under the sheets.
But what does your massage therapist really think about having you as a client?
I, a massage therapist (not “masseuse” or “masseur,” thank you very much), am speaking anonymously so I can be completely honest and address any insecurities you may have about getting a professional massage.
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- PASSION PEAKS
- Tips for a stress free massage
- I Seduced My Massage Therapist
- Turning a fantasy into reality… and free sports massage
- This time I turned the flirting up a notch.
- Eventually, I let him in on my massage therapist fantasy. He was more than happy to help me fulfill it.
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- 1. DON’T CALL THEM MASSEUSES.
- 2. THEY HOPE YOU’LL SHOWER FIRST.
- 3. THE BENEFITS GO BEYOND THE PHYSICAL.
- 4. YOUR MULTITASKING MIGHT NOT INSULT THEM.
- 5. THEY CAN SPOT POTENTIAL SKIN CANCER.
- 6. DON’T MISTAKE THEM FOR SEX WORKERS.
- 7. IF YOU’RE NOT PUNCTUAL, THEY MIGHT HAVE TO SKIP LUNCH.
- 8. THEY RELY ON TIPS TO MAKE ENDS MEET.
- 9. THEY MIGHT KNOW IF YOU NEED MORE FIBER IN YOUR DIET.
- 10. SILENCE IS GOLDEN.
- 11. THE BURNOUT RATE IS HIGH.
- 12. GOOD MASSAGE THERAPISTS ARE IN TUNE WITH YOUR BODY.
- 13. THEY GET MASSAGES, TOO.
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- 14 Masseur sleeps with lonely, married clients
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- 12 Masseuse gives happy endings without her fiancé knowing
- 11 Massage therapist receives a vibrator from a client
- 10 Job title ruins Tinder experience
- 9 Client invites his therapist to go with him to Hawaii
- 8 Therapist goes commando
- 7 Massage therapy kills a therapist’s mojo
- 6 Therapist’s client ends up to be one of their professors
- 5 Massage therapist lets out deadly farts during the session
- 4 Tips can now be in the form of sexual pleasure
- 3 Therapist gives up job for his girlfriend
- 2 Therapist sleeps with a client, doesn’t feel guilty
- 1 Therapist gives client a happy ending while another waits
- Your worries vs. what your massage therapist is thinking!
Female clients always apologize to me when they haven’t shaved their legs. That’s totally unnecessary. I really don’t care. What really impresses me, though, is when a pregnant lady has smooth legs. Wow! When I was pregnant, I couldn’t bend over, much less lift a leg!
However, for any men reading this: If you wax, it’s actually painful when you’re stubbly. Sometimes your hair will stab me under my fingernails. Ow!
What do we think if we have an obese or rail-thin client? It really doesn’t matter. One body type isn’t more difficult than the other. The only time I’m a little uncomfortable is when a very thin person wants really deep pressure; then, it kind of hurts the elbows a bit.
Do we see cellulite? We all have it, so no biggie. What about scars? The only thing that concerns me about that is if it’s OK to massage over them. The other massage therapists I’ve spoken to have told me that they never see skin — only muscle tissue and knots.
Please shower, or at least be slightly clean. I’ve had clients come in all sweaty and say, “I just ran a marathon! Phew!” Phew, indeed. Sweaty skin is kind of gross to me.
And your feet! Don’t run around barefoot with grime caked on them without wiping them down if possible. If I can smell your feet while sitting at your head, a quick trip to the bathroom to give them a wipe down with a wet paper towel can really help.
Most people get it right when receiving a massage: lie down, close eyes, relax. But some people need a few tips.
For instance, don’t “help” the therapist by lifting your arm, leg, or head. That just tells us you’re not relaxing, and we don’t need the help. I think that most people just want to be polite, but here is not the place. This is your time.
Also, put your clothes on the chair or hanger we provided. Some people throw their clothes on the floor and we accidentally step on them, or worse, trip on them.
If possible, try not to moan or grunt. It’s kind of awkward. However, if you fall asleep, I take that as a compliment. Never apologize for that.
But one thing I must say — and this is very, very important — is to speak up when you need something! I can’t express this enough. Usually massage therapists ask how the massage is so far, and we try to read body language, but we’re not psychic. If the pressure hurts, say so. If it’s not deep enough? Say so. Are you cold? Do you need to pee? Speak up! We want to give you the best experience possible, so we need to be on the same page to achieve that.
Bottom line: Bad tips piss us off. In a general sense, less than $10 for an hour session is a bad tip. Twenty percent of whatever the standard price is — not what you paid for your Groupon deal — is very kind and very appreciated.
I don’t know if people realize that many massage therapists are paid hourly, so we don’t make a lot. That tip is how we pay our bills and feed our family. Don’t just pay for the massage and lie to the receptionist that you took care of me already — that has really happened to me, many times. And if that happens, we put it down in our notes that you stiffed us. Many times, therapists will refuse to work on someone that is disrespectful to us.
On the other hand, a really good tipper gets the royal treatment. We go over our time (if possible), and add nice little extras like a longer foot massage, more hot towels, or aromatherapy, just to show our appreciation. Plus, word gets around when you tip well, so people will want to give you great service.
Unfortunately, most massage therapists will experience this at some point. I used to massage the husband of a regular couple’s massage client and he would have his erection prominently bounce up and down the whole session. Erections happen — we all know this — but this guy did it every. Single. Time. And it didn’t matter where I was massaging him. Another guy I massaged would get a boner and then lower the sheet so the tip peeked out — and was before I’d even touched him.
Your boner is not a special snowflake. No one wants to see it.More
Male massage therapists are constantly under heavy scrutiny. One male MT told me with every session he has with a female client, part of him is nervous that she is going to perceive something sexual. Male MTs also have a harder time getting booked. Many female clients are afraid of sexual advances or feel more insecure about their bodies with a male MT, and some male clients are afraid they’ll “seem gay.”
Unfortunately, there have been cases of massage therapists being inappropriate, which makes it harder for the rest of us. Even when I tell people what I do for a living, some men will raise their eyebrows and go, “Oh, really?” We’re not prostitutes, guys.
Massage therapy has so many benefits, such as lowering blood pressure, reducing stress, helping injuries heal faster, among countless others. Overall, getting a massage can be an excellent way to take care of and reconnect with your body. And if you keep all of the above in mind, it can be an even better experience.
A MASSAGE therapist has revealed their top tips for avoiding any embarrassing moments at the spa.
Going for a massage is meant to be a relaxing experience, but sometimes stripping off in front of a stranger can seem awkward.
2 Massage therapists have seen it all – as these stories showCredit: Getty – Contributor
You may be worried about how you look or what to do – but rest assured your massage practitioner has seen it all before.
In fact, professional massage therapists have taken to Reddit to reveal some of the most awkward things that have happened to them at work.
One wrote: “I was once working on a very, VERY overweight woman.
“She could only lay on her side and only wanted her lower back worked on.
“About two minutes into the hour long session I smelled the distinct odour of human faeces.
“It occurred to me that this woman had either just s*** herself and none had escaped her massive cheeks, or she had done this earlier and simply not been able to clean everything.
2 Massage therapists have revealed the dos and don’ts of having a massageCredit: Getty – Contributor
“I’m a fairly open-minded guy, but I had a limit.
“I recommended her to another therapist at the place I worked, said she was better at handling those in her condition. No regrets.”
Another shared: “My mum used to be a massage therapist.
“Once she had a client who had a back completely covered in zits, and as she was massaging them they were just popping all over and her hands and the person’s back were just covered in pus.”
And one therapist said that she couldn’t stand working on “heavy smokers” because “for some reason it smells like the smoke is coming from their skin while massaging it.”
Another shared that some clients did get the “wrong idea” on the massage table, but then when told “no” they usually got the message.
They added: “I had a 15 year old boy expose himself to me twice. First time, I ignored it.
“Second time, I just told him ‘no’ and it hasn’t happened again.”
Another added that if their male clients ignore any badly timed erections then “we ignore it. Then we continue on with a normal massage.
“The only time it’s considered really bad is if the client starts being weird about it.”
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Cleanliness also seemed to be an issue.
One massage therapist shared: “You know how when you rub your hand on skin that isn’t so clean, you get those little dirt roll ups?
“Try pushing those around for an hour.
“Also, absurdly smelly feet. I had a client whose feet smelled so horrible I couldn’t get the scent off my hands afterwards.
“Please shower prior to getting a massage.”
Other stories were a little stranger, with one client even coming on to a therapist in front of his partner.
The spa worker added: “We had a double room at our spa so couples could be done side by side; I was massaging the dude while my co-worker did the woman, he was obviously really enjoying it and asked jokingly if he could take me home with him.
“His gf proceeded to jump up from the bed, butt naked, and stormed out, but not before coming over to me to call me a bunny boiler.”
And, if these stories weren’t enough to make you feel less embarrassed about going for a massage, why not take a look at expert Laura Tatlow’s tips and etiquette for a stress free appointment.
Tips for a stress free massage
A professional massage therapist at a top spa gave us the following pointers:
1. There is no need to feel self-conscious as the therapist is only thinking about how to help you and give you the best treatment possible.
If it’s your first visit or 100th, if your male or female our jobs remains the same which is to give you the best treatment possible.
2. When having a massage, Its normal to be asked to remove you clothing down to your underpants/ briefs, but your therapist will always protect your modesty from leaving the room while you undress and covering with a towel, to ensuring you are always covered throughout your treatment to ensure you never feel exposed.
3. If you have any questions of queries or medical issues, you will always have the opportunity to speak to your therapist at the beginning of your treatment.
They will aim to make you feel at ease and relaxed, as professionals they will ask you a health questionnaire, this is just to ensure the treatment chosen is correct for you and if there are any issues, the treatments can be changed or adapted for you comfort and health.
4. If there are any areas you would like your therapist to avoid during your treatment then tell them at the beginning of your treatment.
5. You may be provided with disposable underwear depending on the treatment and if it uses scrubs or oils – if you would prefer to wear your own underwear then please ensure you bring a spare pair to change into.
6. If you would prefer a male or female therapist ensure you request this before arrival.
7. To avoid any embarrasment when it comes to robe sizing problems, make sure you share your size before arrival so you feel comfortable throughout your treatment.
And when it comes to avoiding discomfort and any resulting awkwardness, Noella Gabriel, Co Founder and Creator of ELEMIS Therapies says: “I would advise a light meal, as after a heavy meal it can cause indigestion, so you have to keep in mind that you will be lying down flat which can cause discomfort if you have a full stomach.”
Previously, a beauty expert told us the one thing you should NEVER do when it comes to removing pubic hair… and her top tips for DIY grooming.
And we revealed The Sun readers who love the feeling of being completely free of body hair.
I Seduced My Massage Therapist
Turning a fantasy into reality… and free sports massage
M. C. FrancesFollow Nov 29, 2019 · 4 min read Photo by Savs on Unsplash
I have had graphic sexual fantasies about getting wild with a massage therapist since the first time I got a massage. It doesn’t matter what gender the therapist is…I swing both ways.
There’s something about lying there completely vulnerable, naked, and covered in oil that gets my mind spinning. I also have a tendency to orgasm really easily, so there have been times when I’ve had to stifle an orgasm mid-massage.
After our marriage had been open for a while, I started seeing a new massage therapist. Their name didn’t indicate gender, but they specialized in sports massage. As a nearly-compulsive weightlifter, that’s exactly what I need.
I’m sitting in the waiting room, not knowing what to expect and out walks this giant man who clearly spends more time in the gym than I do. Then he greets me with a British accent…
I knew I was in trouble.
I could’ve helped it, but I didn’t want to. I flirted with him through the entire massage. He was so good at remaining professional, and I enjoyed watching him squirm a bit.
At home, I told Hubby that I really enjoyed my massage.
“Was the therapist some giant muscle guy with huge hands?” he smirked over his coffee.
“Yup,” I smiled back, “I kind of want to seduce him.”
“Go for it. Have fun,” Hubby kissed my forehead and swatted my behind.
After a few sessions at the salon, I slipped my number into his tip envelope.
He texted me before I pulled out of the parking lot.
We chatted a bit, and he mentioned that he often did massages outside the salon and had a travel table. He was still remaining professional and even sent me his price list.
We set up a session a few weeks out.
He pulled into the driveway, unloaded his massage table, and set up in my living room. He lit candles, put on meditation music, and then stepped out to give me privacy.
This time I turned the flirting up a notch.
He asked about the family photos, and I filled him in on our open marriage dynamic. The poor man froze mid-stroke.
After a lot of followup questions, he finally broke the professional demeanor and let me know that he found it very hard to massage me given how attracted he was.
That time I let him walk out the door with a quick kiss on the cheek and a Venmo transaction for the cost of the massage.
See, I may be non-monogamous and somewhat slutty, but I’m not an idiot. Before I sleep with someone I make sure we exchange updated STD screening results, and discuss very specific rules about condoms, and what is and is not allowed.
I know what I like sexually and am not afraid to communicate that. There are certain things, such as BDSM, that I will only engage in with my husband. I also have a sensitivity to people holding my neck and have unintentionally punched a man in the nose when he unknowingly wrapped his hand around my neck during foreplay. (Sorry Jeff!)
I’ve also found it best to warn potential partners in advance about my super-gasm power. Some people are REALLY not into it. I like to figure that out upfront.
Basically, I don’t just jump into bed with people…ensuring both compatibility and safety are a priority.
Eventually, I let him in on my massage therapist fantasy. He was more than happy to help me fulfill it.
By the time we set up another time to get together, another month had passed. This time, he showed up with his massage table, and set it up as before. When he turned to leave the room so I could undress, I asked him to stay.
The next few hours were spent acting out every bit of my little fantasy. He started as if it was a regular massage, paying extra attention to my shoulders since they are always a problem.
When he moved to my legs things got really interesting, and very, very hot.
I’ve always wished I could be more confident and upfront about my sexuality. I’d never been able to until I met Hubby. He’s always encouraged me to be very clear about what I like, what I need, and what I want.
Opening up our marriage has taken that to a whole new level. I can tell him when I’m sexually attracted to another man without our marriage and family being threatened. Sexual attraction to other people is just human nature.
Whether or not you choose to act on it depends on your own personal value system.
Oh, and I don’t pay for massages anymore.
15 Things Your Massage Therapist Wants You to Know
1. I am not a masseuse, and, no matter how cool you think that word sounds, your massage therapist probably doesn’t like it. Massage parlor is rather outdated as well. In years past, some “massage parlors” were really fronts for sex shops and I did not take out student loans and complete more than 850 hours of training to be associated with prostitution. Trust me—I’m pretty serious about it. Jokes about “happy endings” are outdated as well.
2. Please be on time. We really like to work on you for the entire scheduled time. We often have another client coming in right after you, so it is unlikely for us to work on you past the scheduled appointment time.
3. We don’t care about the stubble on your legs. Unless a leg is shaved within a few hours of your massage, it has stubble on it. We don’t mind, and we are not going to flip out about leg hair. You don’t hear men apologizing for the stubble on their faces? And that stubble is actually rough (although that doesn’t bother us either). As long as you are reasonably clean, we’re all good.
4. Your perfume may smell beautiful, but since we work in close proximity to you for about an hour, it can get a little overwhelming. We prefer you wait until you leave our office to put it on. Some of our other clients have allergies to perfume, and it’s hard to air out smells sometimes.
5. You have no obligation to talk to us during a massage. If talking helps you relax, by all means go ahead. Otherwise, go to your happy place.
6. To us, your butt is not cute, big, small, or sexy. It’s a big muscle, and we like muscles. If you have problems in your lower back, chances are that your gluteal muscles are involved with that as well. We can work your glutes with a sheet covering if that makes you more comfortable, but it seems kind of silly not to work on some of the biggest muscles in the body.
7. Even if you are comfortable with nudity, we don’t want to see it. We are trained on how to properly drape clients to protect your modesty and ours. Just because we are comfortable with the sides of your buttocks, doesn’t mean we want to see anything else.
8. We have had extensive training in anatomy and physiology, kinesiology (the study of muscles and movement), pathology, and ethics. If we forget that you may not know all the same terminology we have learned, please ask us what we mean. We know where your medial malleolus is (that’s your ankle bone on the inside of your leg), but if you haven’t heard of that before, please ask.
9. If you have had a change in your medical condition since you were here last time, it is important that you tell us. If you tell us halfway through a deep-tissue massage that you are taking blood thinners, we are going to be thinking “uh-oh” in our heads.
10. Tell us if you want more or less pressure. We are happy to oblige, and won’t take offense. In fact, we love it if you tell us what you like and don’t like as we go along—it helps us to individualize your massage to what you want and need.
11. Yes, we put clean sheets on the table for every client.
12. During the massage session, our job is to do bodywork. Your job is to relax. We love the tranquil look people get after their massage, so leave your worries somewhere else and leave your muscles to us.
13. If you are unhappy, please tell us why. Sometimes a client doesn’t return and we have no idea if we did something wrong or if you are just busy.
14. If you are happy with what we do, tell your friends. We love referrals.
15. Finally, enjoy your massage! We love our work and hope you do, too.
I recently read an article titled 8 Things Your Masseuse Doesn’t Want You to Know. After reading it thoroughly, I’ve come to the conclusion that the LMT’s (licensed massage therapists, for those of you not in the know) interviewed either haven’t been in the business for very long, or really hate their jobs. For example, one of the items mentioned that most massage therapists get scared when their clients snore. I don’t buy that. I think if a client is relaxed enough to fall asleep on my table, I’m doing a damn fine job. Isn’t snoring like applause for massage therapists? It is to me.
It got me to thinking of my own personal pet peeves though, so I tried googling Things Your LMT Hates or Things That Drive Your Masseuse to Drinking, but these searches provided no useful data, and quite frankly I’d like to know what insane, perverted monkey Google put in charge of their search engine for me to come up with this list:
Seriously. You guys have a lot of explaining to do.
Since Google failed me miserably, I thought I would do a list of my own entitled Top 5 Things That Drive Your Massage Therapist Crazy (see above). So, without further ado, here are the things you bitches do that make me regret my chosen profession. Enjoy!
1. BAD HYGIENE
Did you take a bath before you hopped onto my table? Did you take one within the last twenty-four hours? Have you even been introduced to the concept of soap and water? No? Get the hell off my table!
“Feet that smell like ass and an ass that smells like feet. I have to say, Ma’am, I’m impressed!”
Case in point: I once had a chair massage client who always came in reeking to high heaven. His odor was so offensive that I could only massage him with light fist compressions as opposed to using my elbows since that would have required me to get closer to him. I would sanitize my hands and arms over three times after touching him and wasted a ton of aromatherapy spray inside the kiosk in the vain hope of removing his lingering stench. When I complained to my boss about this, he asked me to “Take one for the team.” Seriously. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one who had a problem with this client, and I think my boss must have had a word with him. After that phone call, the guy came back in. He was still reeking, but this time he was carrying a huge stick of deodorant. So instead of smelling like straight up funk, he smelled like funk with a layer of Speed Stick. Suffice it to say, I washed my hands raw working that job.
2. DON’T BOTHER TO TELL ME ABOUT A SERIOUS MEDICAL CONDITION. I LIKE HURTING YOU!
God, how I love this one—especially when the condition in question is something catching or life threatening! LMT’s have these things called client intake forms where the client is supposed to list any medical conditions they might have or had within such and such time. I’ll even ask the client before I start, “Have you had any recent injuries, surgeries, medical conditions of any kind and/or have you been under a doctor’s care within the past three months?” I ask this for two very important reasons. I need to know if doing this massage is going to hurt the client, or if this massage is going to hurt me or anyone else that happens to come in contact with me after I’ve worked on the client.
Do you realize if you hop onto my table the same day you were the victim of a fender bender you could have broken bones or internal bleeding you aren’t aware of? Did you know I could make it worse just by touching you? Well guess what genius? I can. And when they’re rushing you to the hospital with a punctured lung due to that broken rib you didn’t tell me about because you just had to have a massage today, don’t come crying to me. Do you realize scabies is catching? Yeah, it is. And now you’ve just given it to me. And my next client. And everyone my next client touches.
Thanks a lot, asshole.
3. “MASSAGE THERAPIST” IS NOT CODE FOR “PROSTITUTE”
I don’t do happy ending. I don’t touch egg roll. No suki suki now. I had to go through a very grueling certification program to do what I do. I had to take a ton of biology courses to know how the body works and a pathology course to know when I can or cannot perform a massage. I had to take an ethics class to know what is acceptable behavior and what will cause the licensing board to turn my credentials into the equivalent of toilet paper…not to mention, get me fined and/or arrested. I have to have 12 continuing education units (CEU’s) every year just to stay a massage therapist. Laws and provisions differ from state to state, but in general, you need to know your shit. Or knead to know…Ha! See what I did there?
I don’t get paid much, but I enjoy what I do. Or I do until some idiot comes along and asks me if I “Huh, do that massage…uh…you know the one…wink, wink, nudge, nudge. All masseuses do it, sweetie.” No, sir or madam, whichever the case may be. I do not do THAT type of massage. No, I will not tell you where you can find IT. Get the hell off my table, you syphilis ridden pervert.
4. “SORRY I’M LATE! BUT HEY, 20 OR 30 MINUTES GIVE OR TAKE DOESN’T REALLY MATTER, DOES IT?”
Sigh. Okay, okay, you had traffic or car trouble or were abducted by aliens on the way to your appointment. Sometimes, shit just happens. I get that. What I don’t get are the clients who do this time and time again. Surely those aliens don’t love you that much? How many times does a person have to be anal probed before they’re willing to put their foot down and say, “You know, I don’t want to be rude, but I’ve got a sixty minute Swedish and an eyebrow wax booked for 11 a.m. Can you cut me a break E.T.?”
I work at a spa during the day. Part of being a service provider at one of these establishments is catering to your client’s wishes (For those of you who believe sexual favors falls under things to be catered, please reread item #3 above and die in a fire). If you want a glass of wine while you’re waiting for your service, we have a bottle rarin’ to go. If you want something to eat, snacks are provided. We play soothing, mind draining music all day long to put our clients in a relaxed state of mind. If you’re late and have the common decency to call, we’ll try to fit you in as best as we can because the time is already booked and will only go to waste if we turn you away. No service provider wants to lose that money. That is, if you’re lucky enough to have made the appointment at a place that doesn’t automatically charge you if you don’t cancel 24 hours before your appointment. We do everything short of hand feeding you peeled grapes while performing oral sex (Again, item #3. Fire.) All we ask in return is for you to render payment and be early.
Early. Not on time. Why not on time? Because (1) You don’t know what might happen to hold you up, and (2) you’ll probably need to fill out an intake form before your service starts. Not to mention, the amount of time it takes to get you into a robe and onto the table. That eats into your Me Time, too.
You go to a spa to be pampered. For those of you who haven’t been taught at an early age how to tell time, let me clue you in to a little secret: It’s very difficult to feel pampered when your service provider is rushing through their routine because you walked in the door twenty to thirty minutes after the start of your appointment. Do you know why we’re rushing? Because we have to end that massage on time. Most likely, there’s a string of unhappy clients scheduled right after you. You know, those guys you saw in the waiting area sipping their third or fourth glass of conciliatory wine, tapping their feet impatiently, and grumbling that they aren’t on a table yet when they had the good grace to come in early? And if you have other appointments scheduled (facial, mani/pedi, hair, etc.) right after me, you’re not only holding up my clients. You’re holding up everybody else’s clients too. Nice going you inconsiderate bastard.
5. “I’M PAYING A FORTUNE FOR MY SERVICE, AND YOU’RE NOT A WAITRESS. I DON’T HAVE TO TIP YOU.”
Hmmm. These guys. Let’s get the record straight. You aren’t just paying me. You’re paying the owner of the spa where I work. I get a percentage of that, yes. 45% to be exact, but this isn’t the norm. Most places will only start you out at 25-35%. Some only pay an hourly wage that increase slightly if the provider has a client. I lucked out-or didn’t, depending on your point of view-because the place I work for was desperate for employees when they hired me and was run by someone with poor management skills. And we don’t charge clients if they cancel or no show.
And for those of you who think 45% is a lot of money, try working on commission during a slow week. I could be making $1000 one week and standing in the parking lot of my spa with a tin cup, begging for alms the next. You don’t even want to know what I made the week Hurricane Isaac hit! Client draining events like that make me wish I were paid a set hourly wage. And paid vacation time. And maternity leave. And sick leave. Too bad most spas in my area won’t hire unless you’re willing to work on commission as an independent contractor.
Hey, want to hear some more fun facts about working as an independent contractor on commission? My employer doesn’t have to provide health insurance. Even if the new health laws go through, I’m stuck with that bill because technically, I’m only renting a space to work from her. This is kind of a bummer considering the number of massage therapists that quit due torepetitive motion injury. I also pay for my own oils, sports creams, and equipment. Some spas will foot that bill, but in a dwindling economy, more and more workplaces are placing that burden on the service provider. Other stuff that comes out of my own pocket: my LMT insurance. You’ve got to be insured if you want to be licensed. Oh yeah, state licensing! I pay for that too. In another couple years, I’ll have to pay to renew my certification. And CEU’s that can run as high as $150 to $300 a course. Every year. Every. Damn. Year.
That’s what you’re paying for, buddy. But thanks for telling me to look both ways before crossing the street. I would have preferred a cash tip, but hey, it’ll come in handy when I’m pushing you into oncoming traffic.
What Your Massage Therapist Wants You to Know
Massage therapy is an alternative form of treatment that can help reduce stress, improve circulation, relax tense muscles and even lower blood pressure. Despite the benefits that this type of therapy offers, there are many misconceptions out there about what massage therapy is and how it is conducted. Read on for some of the most common myths associated with massage therapy.
Myth: A massage Therapist is Also Known as a Masseuse
Massage therapists receive educational training and certification while the term “masseuse” is typically used to refer to anyone who performs massages professionally with or without formal training. “Masseuse” is actually considered an outdated way to refer to massage therapists and has negative connotations associated with it. It also tends to describe those who give massages for leisurely purposes, rather than those who perform therapeutic massages for health conditions. Unlike a masseuse, a massage therapist receives training in several health-related areas, including anatomy, pathology and physiology.
Myth: Clients Aren’t Covered Up During Treatment
Massage therapists learn how to drape clients during a massage treatment in order to protect their privacy. The only part of the body that’s uncovered is the area that’s being massaged unless the client requests to remain covered. It’s also important to remember that massage therapists concentrate on easing muscle tension and aren’t focused on what clients look like. They would also like you to know that no one they’ve seen has a perfect body, so clients shouldn’t worry about any physical flaws they have.
Myth: Clients Have to Keep the Conversation Going
Clients aren’t expected to talk to their massage therapist during their treatment. In fact, they don’t have to talk at all. Massage therapists encourage those who feel more relaxed while talking to go ahead and start a conversation with them, but it’s not a requirement.
Myth: A Therapeutic Massage is All the Client Needs
Massage therapists study other aspects of well-being at massage school. Your massage therapist will recommend stretches and other therapeutic exercises to do at home to extend the benefits offered by your massage. It’s up to each client to follow these recommendations and do these exercises at home to keep feeling relaxed and healthy.
Myth: Clients are Expected to Shave Before Treatment
Since massage therapists are focused on easing muscle tension and helping clients feel healthier and more relaxed, they aren’t paying attention to physical appearances. Clients can come in without shaving their legs. If stubble is an issue, massage therapists have lotions and oils available to use during treatment sessions.
If you’re interested in becoming a massage therapist, finding a reputable massage school for instruction is important. At the American Institute of Alternative Medicine, we’ve been teaching massage therapy skills for more than 20 years. .
Confessions of a Massage Therapist
She is naked beneath the sheet, lying face down.
I feel a little bit powerful, because she cannot see me.
With no eyes on me, I am invisible. As my hands move down on her back, I look over at the family photographs on the bedroom bureau. They are black and white, almost sepia, and in ornate silver frames that wrap around the images with swirling shapes. I wonder how many generations of her family have enjoyed such wealth.
It’s the day before Thanksgiving and I am at 61st Street and 3rd Avenue. I am a massage therapist, and I work mainly for a company that caters to clients with in-home appointments. The company delivers a table, complete with sheets, essential oils, lotions, and a stool—everything I need to perform massage therapy in the comfort of the client’s home. They pay for their comfort; I get paid to suspend mine for 60 to 90 minutes at a time.
So far, her body is one I’ve felt before. There is a general lack of tense fascia, save for the usual rocky points on top of her shoulders. Her long flowing hair is down, and she doesn’t seem to mind when my oily hands get stuck in the loose ends. I’ve already seen her naked, since she completely disrobed while explaining to me which areas bother her the most.
They like to do that—the rich women of the Upper East Side. They like to leave their hair down and take off their clothes before you’ve left the room. It simply goes with the territory. People are strange, no matter what economic class they call their own.
It’s not just Manhattan women with free weekdays who feel this comfortable with me. On a Friday evening last spring, I found myself in the family apartment of a Hasidic woman on South 9th Street in Williamsburg—one of the last holdouts of the Jewish population as their neighborhood gets swallowed up by hipsters.
The first time I came here, the woman had holed up in the master bedroom getting makeshift pedicures and waxing sessions from a single Asian woman. I was expected to set up my massage table in the space between the two full size beds and the clunky, wooden dressers. There were mere inches to move around the table. I had refused to go back.
The next time, I’m in a child’s bedroom. They had moved a few toys and small pieces of furniture around, and I’m left with ample space. All this because the client wanted me back, and no one else. The attention makes me feel appreciated, but I can’t put my finger on why I feel uncomfortable.
This client disrobes after I leave the room. During the session, she occasionally shouts in Yiddish to other family members asking her questions from the other side of the locked door.
Soft and pale, her body feels like wet bread dough that I am kneading into a shape. Her back has almost no palpable tension to it. Her cloistered life must have allowed her to avoid many of the stresses of New York City. I feel one small knot along her right scapula and shoulder. Thank god she isn’t perfect.
While face up, she asks that I work on her stomach. Most Americans don’t ask for abdominal massage. They’re too repressed for that. I’m taken aback that this strict Hasidic woman wants me to. As my hands form a wave across her belly, I wonder if her family knows that she does this. Perhaps this is the one time when she can be free of tradition—naked, unencumbered, open.
In the final minutes, she asks if I can massage her head through her headscarf. While doing so, I look at her face. A small but visible smile forms as the sky grows darker outside. After the sun goes down on a Friday, I’ll no longer be allowed to remain in her world anymore.
I wonder if they know I’m watching them. Listening to them.
My x-ray eyes notice everything in a client’s home. On a chilly Saturday evening in October, I have no home to examine. The client is a real estate mogul. His name is on the outside of the building (no, it’s not Trump). The building is part of the UN residence complex and I am in the basement, where he has a full gym, steam room/sauna, changing rooms, and a lap swimming pool. He also has a private massage room that looks like any luxury spa’s might. Beneath the piped-in music is a table with sheets, oil warmers, supplies, and a refrigerator with small bottles of water. It couldn’t be easier for me.
He is younger than I picture him to be, and wearing a robe. Luckily, the popularity of disrobing early among wealthy Manhattanites seems to be limited to the women. He mentions that he likes very deep pressure on his back, but asks me to lighten up around his shoulders and neck. I am taken aback, since people typically take the deepest pressure on their upper back. It’s his massage, so I abide. His back is cement-like. There is no exact knot; it’s a sheet of suspended tension that I imagine only men with their names on the sides of buildings have. It’s also difficult to find where the pressure needs to change along his back, so I become paranoid. He has enough money to be this picky, but I don’t know that I have enough patience to please him.
I soon stop trying to please him. He begins adjusting himself on the table, and making the odd grunting noise. The adjusting becomes more like a rubbing on the table, and I soon remember my massage therapist friends telling me how to recognize a guy trying to get himself off during massage. I don’t know for sure, so I just deepen my pressure—my usual tactic—until his adjusting winds down. By the time I move down to his legs, he’s asleep. My pressure has settled on a firm medium and I get through the rest of the 90-minute session while trying to keep my mind occupied by watching the clock and ignoring the chirping birds, ocean waves, and generic Asian flute overhead.
He sleeps through the rest of the massage. I always wonder what a person gets out of that. Afterwards, I can’t tell if he is happy, since when I return to the room, he’s gone. I grab the hundred-dollar bill that he left and shove it into my bag. I appreciate the generous tip, but I don’t like the way the bill, half-folded, eyes me from the countertop. (Leaving the money out on the table as one would for a prostitute bothers me a little. I also don’t like it when people leave cash out because they think I’ll see it and work harder—and the sad truth is, I will.)
On the day I worked out of the 61st street apartment, I discovered a few additional facts about my client. Her legs were perfectly waxed and moisturized, but for some reason, her feet were dry and cracked, as if she’d shoved any discomfort in her body down to the very bottom. There were other things, too: Her lower back felt weak and loose, terms that don’t translate from my hands to other people’s understanding—I can only describe it as unsettled. She jumped a bit when I pressed my thumbs into acupressure points at the base of the spine and her hips and upper thighs felt cold, which usually indicated a blockage, or possible trauma.
As I worked on her hands, I eyeballed the room again. Beneath a vase of dried and very ornate autumn flowers, I noted several self-help paperbacks on her nightstand, including one on living with the 12 Steps.
It dawns on me then that many people feel safe in my hands—they might seek safety even more than healing or therapy. I’m there to witness their hidden collection of secrets for a manageable 60 or 90 minutes at a time. I am there to see each person and feel each body for who they really are—to see past their flower arrangements, their powerful names, their cultural trappings.
I am there to see them naked, and I am there to return again and again, if I choose to. I am there to leave promptly afterwards.
Read This Next: Porn is Destroying Dicks, and My Job
8 Brutally Honest Confessions from Massage Therapists
Photo: Miljan Zivkovic/
Lying down for a massage should send you straight to nirvana. Which is why it’s particularly frustrating when your mind races with worries about your body and your unshaved legs to the point that you just can’t relax. So we wondered-as you probably have-what the massage therapist really thinks when she’s working her magic on your back. Here, seven massage therapists and one former spa manager dish on what they wish you knew and what they wish you’d just stop worrying so much about. (Related: The Mind-Body Benefits of Getting a Massage)
We don’t care about your hairy legs-promise.
“The most common comments I get from women are, ‘I am so sorry I didn’t shave my legs,’ and ‘I’m sorry, I’m really due for a pedicure.’ Let me tell you, it does not bother us to massage your stubbly legs. We massage men’s legs, so why would a woman not shaving bother us? Not to mention, as a woman, who wants to shave every day? Not me! As for feet-as long as they’re clean, we don’t care if they feel a little rough or your nail polish is chipping. So feel free to relax and enjoy your massage!” –Kelly Pellegrino of Reflections Center for Skin & Body
Our #1 goal is to help you relax.
“Massage therapists are masters of illusion. We go to great lengths to keep you in a relaxed state of mind-holding in a sneeze to the point of tears, trapping spiders, and contorting into positions to reach a lotion bottle that has slid across the floor, all while keeping contact with the body. While working at a mountain resort, I even had a coworker trap a mouse during a session! All the while, the guest is blissfully unaware of any disturbance.” –Jonna Slade, Spa at JW Chicago
We’re not judging your body.
“I’ve been massaging for almost a decade now, and the only ‘hidden’ thing that I would want my clients to know is this: I’m not judging you in the way you think I am. While I am not blind to issues-I can see that huge mole as clearly as anyone else-I am not horrified by it at all. People apologize constantly about their bodies. Many women apologize for unshaven legs, to which I reply, ‘I didn’t shave mine either, so we’re even.’ While I’m massaging, there is so much information being processed by my fingers that my mind is preoccupied. I just wish people could stand in my shoes for a day and see how lovely their bodies really are. Each person’s muscles open a world of possibilities for them.” –Kristie Garduño of Clients Kneaded Massage Therapy
Surprise couples’ massages are rarely a good idea.
“I was a spa manager in my early 20s and heard constant complaints and comments from massage therapists. Here’s a tip: Don’t surprise your S.O. with a couple’s massage! Make sure he agrees to it ahead of time. I saw guys get so angry and flat out refuse to get the massage. Guys usually get boners during a massage, and all of us at the spa believed this is why they turn them down.” –Liz Guidone, massage therapist, Connecticut
Don’t drink and massage.
“Alcohol and massage do not mix. Alcohol in certain amounts acts as an anesthetic, which means what doesn’t necessarily hurt during the treatment may leave you feeling pretty beat up the next day. Also, if you are pretty buzzed, we may refuse treatment due to liability issues. You need to be of sound mind and able to communicate to receive a treatment. So save your glass of wine for afterward. ” –Ashli Carnicelli of The Skincare Belle
Ridiculous stuff happens on the reg.
“One of our regular clients came to our spa for a 60-minute anti-stress massage. As the massage began, soft new-age music started playing in the background. Both the client and the masseuse were blending into the music. About 30 minutes into the massage, the client began to fall asleep. The background music shifted to birds tweeting. The client jumped up and, in the nude, was screaming, ‘There are birds here! I hear birds!'” –Anna Pamula, Renu Day Spa
Things can get emotional.
“I was giving a very interesting client her massage. I was doing some trigger-point work and all the sudden she went quiet. Then, I heard a wail-sob that was heartbreaking. She was crying so hard that I could see the tears dropping onto the ground from the face cradle. I asked her, ‘Are you okay? What’s wrong?’ Choking through tears, she told me that she’s a man transitioning right now and it’s her hormones. You will hear the most intimate stuff and be like a therapist sometimes! I just told her to ‘let it out, it happens all the time.'” –Ashley Wirtz, massage therapist, California
It’s normal to fart.
“Don’t mind farting! The body reacts in different ways to massage work, and one of them is that it helps to relieve digestive stress so the system can do its job. I think of it being similar to when the stomach growls-it’s a sign of the body relaxing!” –Heather McCandless of Relevant Bodywork
- By By Moira Lawler
Massage Therapist Confessions: Bizarre Massage Stories
Ted Stanwood says:
There are always two sides to any story. I have been having massages now for close to 45 years. Most, probably 95% or so are just that, varying degrees of talent.
But then, there are the few that seem to think that just because I am male, I am likely after something more. So, the real ones can go into embarrassing detail of what they REFUSE to do, my response is always to explain that I am ALL grown up. Usually with those, there are no repeat visits, most are clearly far to uptight to really help what is just an old man with concerns, some pain, discomfort.
I have had them reach under the sheet and pointedly take me in hand, while suggesting a price. I guess they just assume? Some are just careless and think banging the back of their hands into a sensitive spot is enjoyable? Then, “accidental” undraping, hey, I doubt if anyone wants to look are my rather aged behind, to be honest. Some things I much prefer to leave to my wife to take care of, to be honest. Sometimes I wonder if I am the only man who thinks like that??
But then, ALL of them are better than the one in Reno that decided to “stretch” me, and I ended up in a wheelchair for four days.
13 Secrets of Massage Therapists
Getting a good massage can be a blissful experience. Whether you get a deep tissue, shiatsu, reflexology, or Swedish massage, you’ll hopefully feel serene and pampered afterward. But massage therapists do much more than simply knead your muscles and decrease your stress. We spoke to a few to learn their secrets of their relaxing trade.
1. DON’T CALL THEM MASSEUSES.
“I think that all massage therapists cringe at the term masseuse,” Stevie Duren, a certified massage therapist at Bliss Bodywork in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, tells mental_floss. Although some people use the terms masseuse and massage therapist interchangeably, Duren says that masseuse has a sexual innuendo and implies a lack of education. Regulations vary by state, but most massage therapists undergo hundreds of hours of training, learn multiple bodywork modalities, and pass an exam to become certified or licensed. And they must complete continuing education credits to stay up to date with the latest research and techniques.
The word masseuse, however, doesn’t bother licensed massage therapist Nicki Dekunchak, who owns Philadelphia’s Hands at Home. “Most people don’t know the proper term is massage therapist,” Dekunchak says.
2. THEY HOPE YOU’LL SHOWER FIRST.
Because massage therapists get up close and personal with your body, the way you smell doesn’t go unnoticed. Although you may be planning to shower after the massage, be considerate and practice good hygiene before your massage as well. But don’t worry if you haven’t shaved your legs—massage therapists aren’t looking at your stubble, and it doesn’t affect their treatment plan.
If you shower before your massage, allow enough time for your hair to dry. According to licensed massage therapist Michelle Doetsch, wet hair can cause moisture to seep through the sheet on the massage table into the padding underneath. If the padding gets wet, Doetsch has to change it before her next client’s appointment and do an extra load of laundry.
3. THE BENEFITS GO BEYOND THE PHYSICAL.
Massage can be both a complementary healthcare practice (accepted by some medical insurance plans) for people with chronic pain and injuries and a relaxing, spiritually nourishing activity. According to licensed Illinois massage therapist Rick Smith, no field is quite as rewarding as massage therapy. “When someone comes to me for help, I’m truly honored. In only a few sessions massage therapy can relieve, to one degree or another, physical stress and discomfort, muscular pain, emotional stress and tension, limited range of motion, and that overall feeling of malaise. And all without drugs or invasive procedures,” he says.
4. YOUR MULTITASKING MIGHT NOT INSULT THEM.
Although getting a massage can be the ideal time to unplug, relax, and forget about emails, some people text, work, or tweet on their phones while they get a massage. In her office, Duren doesn’t allow clients to have their phones turned on (except for extenuating circumstances), but if she’s working elsewhere, she lets the client choose. “I would rather have a client make time to receive bodywork and feel that they can still do what they have to do, rather than using the excuse that they don’t have the time to get bodywork,” she says. Dekunchak echoes that sentiment, explaining to mental_floss that she has a handful of clients who need to work during their massage. “My motto is it’s your time. Do what you want with it!”
5. THEY CAN SPOT POTENTIAL SKIN CANCER.
Because they see parts of your body that you might not be able to easily see—think the back of your hips or behind your knees—massage therapists can spot irregular or suspect moles. If you get regular massages with the same massage therapist, it’s even more likely that he or she will notice any changes in your skin and suggest you go to a dermatologist.
6. DON’T MISTAKE THEM FOR SEX WORKERS.
Although you remove your clothes (and underwear, if you wish), lie on a massage table, and receive physical pleasure, don’t mistake your massage therapist for a sex worker. The American Massage Therapy Association’s Code of Ethics states that massage therapists shall “uphold the highest standards of professionalism” and “refrain from engaging in any sexual conduct or sexual activities involving their clients in the course of a massage therapy session.” Therapists are also required to properly drape their clients, only undraping an area while they’re massaging it.
7. IF YOU’RE NOT PUNCTUAL, THEY MIGHT HAVE TO SKIP LUNCH.
Because massage therapists are usually paid for their time, don’t be late to your appointment. You’ll either miss out on the full time of your massage, or you’ll make your massage therapist’s day more stressful. Besides massaging clients, therapists might need to change the linens, sanitize the table, return oils and other tools to their proper places, and respond to emails and phone calls. Showing up late means that your massage therapist might not have enough time to complete all their responsibilities and eat lunch.
8. THEY RELY ON TIPS TO MAKE ENDS MEET.
Most massage therapists don’t make a ton of money ($43,000 was the mean annual wage in 2015, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics), and because the work hours are irregular, some of them also work a second job to pay the bills. Unless they own their own business, they only earn a percentage of the price you pay. So whether they work as an independent contractor in a spa or for an hourly wage in a medical clinic, most massage therapists rely on tips to make ends meet. If you’re satisfied with the quality of your massage, tip your therapist 18 to 20 percent.
9. THEY MIGHT KNOW IF YOU NEED MORE FIBER IN YOUR DIET.
Your body gives clues about its state of health or disease, and massage therapists can read these clues—a hard stomach, tight lower back muscles, or knotted hamstrings—with their hands. “A therapist can often tell if a client is constipated by working the intestinal area. I usually only do this kind of work if specifically requested,” says Duren.
10. SILENCE IS GOLDEN.
If you’re a nervous talker during a massage, don’t worry about filling the silence. Some clients enjoy talking on the table, but others prefer silence to savor the moment and fully relax. Whatever you choose, your massage therapist will probably be fine either way, as long as your time on the table is calming, soothing, and therapeutic.
11. THE BURNOUT RATE IS HIGH.
Three to five years after graduation, the burnout rate for massage therapists has been estimated at between 50 and 88 percent. Because they work on their feet, using their hands, arms, and elbows to massage, therapists can get carpal tunnel, tendonitis, and trigger finger. Even if massage therapists take breaks between massages, repetitive stress injuries can make their jobs painful, contributing to a large number of therapists who leave the field each year.
12. GOOD MASSAGE THERAPISTS ARE IN TUNE WITH YOUR BODY.
Judith Levinrad Norman, who teaches massage therapy at New York City’s Swedish Institute, tells Oprah Magazine that good massage requires really tuning in. Comparing massage to meditation, she explains that she clears her mind, focuses on being present, and connects to her client’s body. No matter what area of the body she works on, Norman tries to encourage her clients to let go and loosen up. “After you’ve worked on a lot of bodies, you see with your hands. You don’t see with your eyes anymore. I don’t need to look—my hands know,” she says.
13. THEY GET MASSAGES, TOO.
Because their work is physical, massage therapists definitely get massages, too. Massage therapist Julie Azzopardi admits that she trades massages with her colleagues at the spa where she works and tries to get a massage once a week or once every other week. Duren says she gets massages because she has to. “The work that I do is intense and strenuous and I have to keep myself in good repair to offer the kind of work I do to my clients,” she says. Dekunchak admits that she gets regular massages, even at 9 months pregnant.
Massage therapy has been around for thousands of years and is known to help with muscle pain and improve the quality of life for those who have serious diseases. There are many types of massage therapy, and practically each one serves a health-related purpose. For some people, getting a massage is a luxury, so they normally only get one as a way of treating themselves after a long day at work, after a stressful week, or on a special occasion. For others, massage therapy has become a necessity, and they could no longer do without it.
Whether or not it’s for relaxation or a health-related purpose, people often talk about their experiences with getting a massage. However, we don’t really hear much from massage therapists, so when they do say something about their job, well, as you’ll see here, it can be shocking or disturbing at times.
15 Awkward couples session
Being a massage therapist has many perks, but it also comes with a lot of disadvantages. One of the drawbacks is that, it’s totally possible for a massage therapist to massage someone that they know in person. It can make for quite an awkward session, but what if their client was someone they had had a one-nigh-stand with? That’s pretty awkward, right? Well, it could actually get worse. Giving a massage to someone you previously had sex with is one thing, but giving a massage to them and their partner in the same room in a couples massage session is a whole other thing that brings awkwardness to new heights. It would also make you think of stupid thoughts, like whether or not the person cheated on their partner when they slept with you that night.
14 Masseur sleeps with lonely, married clients
This is probably one of the perks of being a massage therapist, although most therapists would look down on this since it is highly unethical. It’s kind of hard to blame the therapist though, especially if the ladies were the ones making the first move. It does not at all change the fact that it is cheating, but when your husband is never home and your desires aren’t satisfied, it’s easier to lose to temptations. It also makes you wonder if these husbands are getting some action on the side. They’re never home, and like any other normal human being, they have desires, too. You never know, they could also be getting massages from hot masseuses, and getting extra stuff on top of that. That would probably make the entire thing more fair, but hey, it’s still wrong.
13 Body hair over hard-ons
So basically, we learn from this confession that men are more worried about their body hair than their hard-ons. We often hear about men getting turned on during a massage, which results in them having a hard-on. This is apparently pretty normal and professional therapists aren’t fazed by this one bit. However, any normal person would probably feel embarrassed about having a hard-on during a massage, thinking it might make the therapist feel uncomfortable, or even worse, sexually harassed. Sounds like a reasonable thing to worry about, right? Turns out, men are still more worried about scaring their therapists with their body hair. Body hair is like one of the most natural things in the world, so men, and even women, shouldn’t worry about their body hair when they’re getting a massage. Therapists don’t care.
12 Masseuse gives happy endings without her fiancé knowing
If there’s one thing massage therapy is often associated with, it’s not the healing elements or the relaxing feeling it can provide to those who receive it, but the infamous happy endings that provide sexual pleasure to clients. It’s actually gotten to the point where a lot of people automatically think of happy endings when they hear about massage therapy, even though most of it doesn’t even involve anything sexual.
But for this particular massage therapist, it seems giving happy endings is the norm. Depending on a person’s beliefs, giving happy endings may still count as cheating, and it’s totally unfair to her fiancé. We don’t know if she’s doing it because she likes it or if she needs the extra money, but let’s hope things work out for her and her fiancé.
11 Massage therapist receives a vibrator from a client
When you’re an excellent worker, it’s not rare to receive gifts from your boss or your clients—it’s one way of rewarding you for doing such a great job. This also applies to massage therapists. When they always make their clients happy (not in a sexual way), they sometimes end up receiving gifts from them. It’s pretty nice and these gifts are often appreciated. However, there are times when clients give inappropriate gifts. We don’t know if they realize it’s inappropriate or if their good intentions simply didn’t translate well. It could be that this therapist’s client get sexual pleasure from their massage sessions, and so he wanted to return the favor by giving her something that would also please her sexually. It’s hard to tell.
10 Job title ruins Tinder experience
As I’ve previously mentioned, massage therapy is often associated with happy endings. It also seems that the idea is more common among guys, probably because there are more cases of guys getting happy endings than ladies. Because of this ignorant stereotype, plenty of female massage therapists don’t get the respect that they rightfully deserve. Not only do they get harassed by men for having this kind of job, it’s also apparently harder to find a date. These men who are asking for a free massage look like they actually want something more, otherwise they wouldn’t just unmatch a woman for refusing to provide unpaid professional service. Either that, or they’re a bunch of a**holes who obviously can’t afford a massage.
9 Client invites his therapist to go with him to Hawaii
Being invited by a client to go with him to such a beautiful place like Hawaii is something most people can only dream of. This particular therapist was probably dumbfounded at this client’s offer. It seems like they missed a wonderful opportunity by refusing the offer, but the reason behind it is pretty understandable. Any respectful, loving and considerate partner would probably turn down this kind of offer to give their other half some peace of mind.
However, what really should be on our minds is that, there are people out there who are willing to sponsor their therapist’s vacation! I’m not sure if it’s because they want their therapist to be there when they need a massage session, or if it’s just another way of thanking them for providing such an excellent service.
8 Therapist goes commando
I’m not sure about other people, but there’s something really uncomfortable about going commando, even in the comforts of my own home. And I have more than just a few questions to the therapist who made this confession. “Do you enjoy going commando?” “Do you do it because you like the airy feeling down there?” “Am I missing something important here, and do you actually do it because you’re one of those people who give happy endings?”
Of course, it wouldn’t hurt the client if the therapist went commando, but I’m interested to know if the therapist did it for a specific reason. If he/she were the type to do happy endings, that would actually make more sense. If not, then maybe he/she simply gets pleasure from not wearing underwear.
7 Massage therapy kills a therapist’s mojo
We probably all know that there are people who get aroused when getting a massage. What most people probably don’t know is that there are also therapists who get turned on while giving a massage. And now, we get to learn about something that’s probably unheard of: a massage therapist can lose their sex drive due to the nature of the job. It’s hard to understand why a therapist would freak out if anyone touched their back, especially since they do the exact same thing everyday at work. It is kind of sad that this is happening to them though, and I kind of feel bad not just for them, but their partner as well. Their lack of sex drive could be impacting their romantic relationship.
6 Therapist’s client ends up to be one of their professors
I have previously mentioned how giving a massage to someone you know outside of work could be awkward. But which would be more awkward, massaging someone you used to sleep with and their partner, or your college professor? After giving it a lot of thought, I would have to go with massaging a college professor. You could just pretend to not know the person you had had a one-night-stand with, but you couldn’t possibly do the same thing with your professor. It would even be more awkward if you didn’t get along with them. But this could be seen as an ultimate challenge: if you could massage your professor, you could probably massage any other person you know. Thinking positively could really make all the difference sometimes.
5 Massage therapist lets out deadly farts during the session
One of the disadvantages of being a massage therapist is that, when you have to let out a fart, you can’t just excuse yourself and go to a different room. Massage sessions are usually timed, so you can’t really waste a single minute. There are also clients who don’t want their therapists making extra, unnecessary movements. This means that when you have to go, you have to go. Sometimes, therapists are lucky enough to let out silent farts. Unfortunately, the farts are sometimes so deadly that they’re nothing short of embarrassing. It’s common to hear and smell clients farting during the session, but therapists? Not so much. This is probably our first time hearing about this. But hey, massage therapists are people, too. Just like other workers, they would also need to fart at work sometimes.
4 Tips can now be in the form of sexual pleasure
It’s pretty common to tip massage therapists, and it’s slowly becoming as common as tipping wait staff. In fact, some massage therapists get offended when they don’t receive a tip, or when they receive a really low amount. Apparently, not being tipped or being tipped low amounts makes them feel like they haven’t done a good job, or that their work is not being appreciated. With the kind of work that massage therapists do, it’s pretty understandable that they would expect a tip—they make people feel great, but when they come home, they’re the ones feeling in pain. However, not all tips are in the form of money, as this confession shows. Again, it’s unethical, but this therapist gets to receive a tip in the form of sex.
3 Therapist gives up job for his girlfriend
It’s kind of hard not to feel bad for this person who spent 4 years and 9 months to get to where he is, yet can’t practice his profession, all because his girlfriend has trust issues. Respecting your partner’s wishes is commendable, but when it’s preventing you from pursuing a career you’ve spent years to achieve, then that doesn’t sound right anymore. If it were me, I’d still pursue this career, although I’d definitely work extra hard to reassure her and gain her trust.
There are people who end their romantic relationships to pursue their career, and this guy is obviously not one of them. I just hope that his girlfriend is his true love (whether you believe in this or not), so his sacrifices aren’t wasted.
2 Therapist sleeps with a client, doesn’t feel guilty
With this type of job, it’s completely normal to be extra careful so therapists don’t make their client feel uncomfortable. They don’t want their client to feel sexually harassed, and they also don’t want to make their client think it’s okay to get sexual. Sometimes, having mutual attraction with a client can’t be avoided, but it’s important to remain professional as to not put their job in jeopardy.
Being careful and professional, however, doesn’t seem to apply to every massage therapist, as shown by this confession. This person clearly knew it was unethical to act upon their sexual desires, yet they still did it anyways, and they didn’t even feel guilty. It kind of makes you think that the girlfriend in the previous entry has the right to have trust issues.
1 Therapist gives client a happy ending while another waits
This is probably the most graphic confession on the list. Although the genre isn’t new (another happy ending story), it is quite unconventional. Often, we only hear about men getting a happy ending from female therapists. Female clients getting a happy ending from male therapists isn’t very common, and male clients receiving happy ending from male therapists is unheard of. What makes this confession intriguing is that, there’s another client waiting to be serviced. Now, it’s unclear whether this second client is watching this session, or just waiting for his turn, but the fact that he’s there makes the situation more scandalous and exciting for the people involved.
Even though happy ending incidents are very common, it should still be remembered that this is not the main purpose of massage therapy.
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Your worries vs. what your massage therapist is thinking!
Ever wonder what your massage therapist thinks about that pimple on your back?
It is gross but definitely not for the reasons you think. We mostly just wonder if we could pop it for you without you knowing…
I recently asked some friends what they worry about when getting a massage. Below is a list of the most common concerns and what we massage therapists actually think about them.
Women will always apologize for their hairy legs. There is a 95% chance that we didn’t even notice and there is a 100% chance that we don’t care. We massage men all the time…they have hairy legs and never apologize for it…ever!
It happens! The reality is is that we are likely spending just as much time hoping we don’t let one slip while we are massaging you. Most of us are uncomfortable farting in front of people but it just happens sometimes, have a laugh excuse yourself and move on.
I’m a runner. If you want to have a competition for who has the stinkiest, grossest feet…I would win…hands down!
This is a tough one. It’s my hope that one day we will all learn to love our bodies at whatever size and shape they are. Until that day comes all I can do is tell you is that every massage therapist I know works their ass off making sure that they are creating a safe and supportive environment for every single person that comes through their door. If that hasn’t been your experience then email me and lets fix that!
This is a true story! One of the massage therapists that I work with came out of a treatment one day and asked if I thought people could smell her bad breath when she breathed through her nose! I don’t really know but I’m assuming they can’t. Bad breath happens. Lets all just agree to breath through our nose and hope no one can smell it!
That they don’t really need a massage
Everyone needs more massages! A little secret about massage therapists is that we freakin’ love getting massages we will have one any chance we get whether we “need” it or not. We would never deny someone that blissed out post massage feeling. We also know that there is always something to work on.
Cellulite, scars, ugly feet, body hair, jiggly bits, and saggy stuff everyone has their thing. Mine is my thighs. I used to stand in front of the mirror and criticise their size and smoothness but nowadays I stand in the mirror and thank them for carrying me over this earth, for allowing me to run, and race my son…everywhere. Its not always easy but changing the dialogue helps. When you give positive and caring attention to those bits you learn to love them a little more.
Massage therapists are just regular people. We have pimples, we fart, have body image issues and insecurities just like the rest of you.
One thing that makes massage therapy such an amazing profession is that we completely understand the level of trust that you place in us to create a supportive and healing environment. If you ever feel anything other than compassion, support, and acceptance from your massage therapist then you should move to a new one.
Unless what you feel is them popping the pimple on your back…then just be happy we got it for you!!
Cadence health services, providing massage therapy and acupuncture since 2015. Serving the Kitsilano area at Broadway and Arbutus.