The 5 different types of cheating explained

All cheating is not created equal.

Ask 10 people what “counts” as cheating and you’d probably get 100 different answers. “Infidelity is a gray area because different individuals have their own boundaries and ideals for romantic relationships,” says Dana Weiser, Ph.D., assistant professor at Texas Tech University.

While you might consider texting an ex to be crossing a line, other people might not consider something cheating until intercourse is involved. “In fact, if one is in a consensually non-monogamous relationship being physically and sexually involved with another individual would likely not be considered infidelity,” Weiser says.

Despite all that gray area, there are certain categories infidelity can fall into—whether you’re monogamous, non-monogamous, straight or queer.

Cheating typically involves at least one of these three elements: secrecy, emotional involvement, and sexual alchemy, Esther Perel, Ph.D., a renowned relationship expert writes in her book The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity. In fact, cheating is usually defined less by a specific behavior and more by the element of deceit.

In a recent study published in Personal Relationships, Weiser and her colleagues explored how people defined cheating IRL and found that “it is the secrecy, deception, and omissions that seem to be really central to definitions of infidelity,” she says.

Since instances of infidelity are as unique as individual couples, we asked the experts about the different types of cheating and what they can look like in-real life relationships.

Being physically intimate outside your relationship

Physical infidelity is pretty self-explanatory. “It’s typically construed as any type of touching, kissing, or sexual behavior with a person who is not your exclusive partner,” says Weiser.

But physical infidelity isn’t just about being monogamous. “A lot of people assume there’s no such thing as cheating in a non-monogamous relationship, but of course that’s not so,” says Matt Lundquist, LCSW, a relationship therapist in New York. “Some couples have restrictions on gender or restrict sex with someone their partner knows (or doesn’t know).”

The key, Lundquist says, is “talking explicitly about what’s kosher and not kosher around sex and intimate relationships of all sorts.”

Harboring feelings for someone else

Emotional infidelity is a different form of crossing the line. “It can refer to liking, love, or romantic feelings for a person who is not your exclusive partner,” explains Weiser.

Just like limits need to be discussed around what sexual behaviors are considered cool in your relationship, emotional connections should be discussed, too. “With all sorts of couples there’s an important conversation around transparency,” Lundquist says. “Having a close relationship with someone your partner doesn’t know or who doesn’t know your partner (or that you have a partner) can be a no-no.”

To be clear, there’s nothing wrong with having emotionally intimate relationships with people other than your partner. The question of cheating comes into play when those relationships aren’t respectful of your partner, says Lundquist.

In other words, if you’re having heart to hearts with someone else behind your partner’s back—something you know could be hurtful—that enters emotional infidelity territory.

Fantasizing about someone else

Having a robust fantasy life—even when you’re in a relationship—is totally normal. When it’s shared with your partner, that is, says Lundquist.

Healthy fantasies enter infidelity territory when they could lead to “unsafe or dishonest behavior,” says Lundquist. For instance, if your fantasy is more of a temptation to see what it would be like to make out with that hot girl at the bar and less of a spark for your IRL sexual relationship, that could be an issue.

Hiding your money habits

Since cheating is so heavily rooted in secrecy, “failing to inform a partner about financial matters or decisions that affect both parties,” can be a kind of infidelity, says Lundquist. Yep, you can cheat financially.

If you and your partner agreed to save for a wedding, but you’re blowing your half on late-night Amazon binges, you’re cheating on your agreement.

Having secret social media habits

“Infidelity either through social media or facilitated by social media is becoming very common,” Weiser says.

Social media infidelity can have two forms. First, the overtly sexual. If you’re liking an ex’s suggestive posts, or even checking in on your old Tinder profile, those behaviors all fall into the gray area of social media cheating.

The other form of social media infidelity can be thought of as cheating on your partner with your phone. “Looking at your phone and social media when you should be connecting with your partner,” suggests you’re having a deeper relationship with Instagram than you are with your actual significant other, says Lundquist.

The bottom line: Because cheating can mean different things to different people, “it is important to openly discuss what your boundaries are and what you consider infidelity,” says Weiser.

8 Ways You Could Be Cheating on Your Partner and Not Even Know It

Whether once a cheater, always a cheater is actually true doesn’t really matter. In some cases, you might be cheating on your significant other without even knowing it. Infidelity comes in many forms and isn’t just limited to sexual exploration outside your relationship (unless your relationship isn’t monogamous, in which case sleeping with someone else may not be cheating at all).

Even if you consider yourself the perfect partner, it’s possible you may be sorely mistaken. Here are eight ways you could be cheating and not even know it.

1. The interest affair

Your spouse could be more dedicated to his bike than you. | iStock.com

Your partner should come before your hobbies — it’s as simple as that. And as Becky Whetstone tells The Huffington Post, an interest affair can be with anything. From politics to exercise to hunting, it’s all fair game. The problem, though, is your partner will be just as neglected as if you were cheating with another person.

The repercussions may not be the same, but feelings will still be hurt. “What is true of all of them is that a husband or wife becomes so obsessed with their favorite new activity that it becomes their first priority over their spouse,” Whetstone said. Don’t let this happen to your relationship.

2. Financial infidelity

Hiding your finances from your partner is definitely a form of cheating. | iStock.com/dolgachov

Regardless of whether or not you and your partner have a shared bank account, it’s important you’re honest with one another when it comes to matters of money. Hiding details about your purchases, income, or that large chunk of cash you’ve stashed away will only lead to more dishonesty and the inevitable blow-up arguments.

“Financial cheating is anything that involves keeping a secret or lying about money to your partner,” NerdWallet writes. “Any amount of secrecy and dishonesty is unhealthy in a relationship and may well lead to bigger issues in the future; deception and omission are toxic to a relationship.” So, figure out a way to be upfront when it come to finances.

3. Netflix cheating

Watching your favorite show without your partner will end in disaster! | iStock.com

No, really — it’s a thing. Netflix cheating occurs when one partner watches a show before the other. And sure, you may be thinking, how hard is it to simply wait for your significant other to get home before going ahead in your favorite series? Well, pretty darn hard. After all, that next episode of Game of Thrones isn’t going to watch itself.

There’s even a survey about it!

Do your relationship a favor and wait for your partner to come home before watching Netflix. | iStock.com/monkeybusinessimages

You could say Netflix cheating has become a worldwide epidemic. In fact, it happens so often, Netflix conducted a survey to back it up. The TV service conglomerate found a whopping 46% of streaming couples admit to Netflix cheating, and few have plans to stop anytime soon. This form of infidelity, albeit more hilarious and less intentionally hurtful, can really be the wedge that drives a couple apart — at least when it comes to couch time.

4. Emotional affair

Emotional cheating may be worse than physical. | iStock.com/AntonioGuillem

For some people, having an emotional affair is even worse than a physical one. According to Woman’s Day, an emotional affair “occurs when one partner is channeling physical or emotional energy, time, and attention into someone other than the person they are in a committed relationship with to the point that their partner feels neglected.” You shouldn’t be depending on someone else to make you happy, nor should you be divulging your most intimate secrets. That’s what your significant other is for.

Ways you could be emotionally cheating

Emotional cheating comes in many different forms. | iStock.com

Emotional cheating comes in many forms, and there’s no limit to just how deep you can go with another person who’s not your partner. Just because you’re not sleeping together doesn’t mean you’re not crossing the line. At a certain point, your relationship is no longer platonic.

Cosmopolitan lists several ways you could be emotionally cheating, such as getting dressed up when you know you’ll be running into a certain person or going out of your way to time with them. Just don’t do it, OK?

5. Verbal cheating

Be careful with your words. | iStock.com

Words can build someone up or break a person down, which is why it’s so key you choose your words wisely. In the heat of the moment, everyone says things they don’t mean. The weight of your words, however, can carry a heavy burden. Family Share says, “Verbal comparisons or slander can make your partner feel violated, less than others, or insecure. This is cheating. You are not committed to the relationship.” So, be sure to think before you speak.

6. Online relationship

An online relationship is a slippery slope to infidelity. | iStock.com

Regardless of the nature of an online relationship, cyber-flirting opens you up to world of possibilities in terms of where the relationship could go over time. After all, you’re only connected through the computer, so what’s the harm? Well, if you’re not careful, you could get wrapped up with your online lover.

As Aaron Ben-Zeév, Ph.D., explains in Psychology Today, there’s quite a bit of debate around this one. Some people think it’s OK, while others truly believe any type of online communication qualifies as cheating. From innocent chatting to full-blown cybersex, an online relationship is no good for your real-world one.

7. Fantasizing about another person

If you’re dreaming about another person, it could be a warning sign. | iStock.com/Ondine32

Of course, it’s impossible to control your dreams, or even thoughts. But consider this: The inability to really stop yourself from continuously dreaming about someone other than your partner may be a sign it’s time to mull over your relationship. Perhaps it means you shouldn’t be with your current partner in the first place. Shape suggests it’s OK to fantasize, but you shouldn’t always be dreaming about another person. Your partner deserves to be on your mind more than anyone else.

8. You have a work spouse

Beware the work husband or wife. | NBC

The terms “work wife” and “work husband” have become commonplace in today’s society. But unless you’re destined for Jim and Pam bliss, this could be the kiss of death. Your current relationship will no doubt suffer, which is fine if you really are in love with your work spouse. If you’re not, though, it’s bound to blow up in your face. As Business Insider points out, there are definite signs your favorite co-worker has become your work spouse. Your actions at the office will only end up hurting your partner in the long run, so think carefully before you go down this road.

Did you know there are different types of cheating? As a private investigator, a question we hear every day is “Is my partner cheating on me?” If you are asking this question, you may have suspicions about your partner. After all, infidelity is a complex issue with numerous dynamics involved. First, each relationship “rules” differ. One couple may consider watching porn or texting an ex cheating, while another couple, believes it perfectly OK. As a result of this, individuals in a relationship must create their own boundaries and ideals for a romantic relationship. Without an open line of communication with set rules, infidelity becomes a “gray” area.

Despite particular rules within your relationship, there are certain categories which infidelity falls into. The different type of infidelity affairs we will discuss:

  1. The emotional affair
  2. The physical affair
  3. The fantasy

Although these types of infidelity transpire differently, when secrecy or deception occurs, this becomes grounds for infidelity. Here are the different types of cheating from a private investigator’s perspective.

What Is An Emotional Affair?

By definition, an emotional affair does not include sexual intimacy. An emotional affair occurs when one invests emotional feelings into someone who is not their partner. They begin to receive companionship and emotional intimacy in a new relationship. In other words, this crosses the boundaries of friendship and begins to take a romantic turn. This type of affair can include any romantic feelings towards an individual who is not your exclusive partner.

While it is healthy to have friendships or some sort of emotional relationship outside of your relationship, lines can blur. The key to this turning into an emotional is affair is by not disclosing who you are speaking to. Too often, someone in an emotional affair doesn’t consider this cheating and are guilt-free because no sex is involved. Sadly, this causes the non-cheating partner to feel neglected and suspect trust issues. An emotional affair is about breaking trust and keeping secrets – not the sexual aspect.

Most emotional affairs begin as friendships. These types of affairs typically begin at work, during hobbies, the gym, shopping, or online. They can begin virtually anywhere. Online affairs now happen quite easily, with a person you are attracted to being one click away. Text messaging, emails, and social media all allow for communication to take place faster and in secrecy. This causes the emotional connection to become more intense at a rapid pace. As communication continues in secrecy, the emotional affair continues to grow. The most difficult part of emotional affairs is that they often lead to physical affairs.

The Physical Affair Explained

A physical affair is known as the “traditional” type of affair. Physical affairs by definition are a romantic situation that involves physical contact with an individual other than your partner. In order for it to be a physical affair, some sort of sexual intimacy must occur. It is essential to recognize that physical affairs do not just include sex. Physical cheating can range from romantic touching to sexual intercourse. Therefore, any form of expressing physical attraction or sexual desire outside of your relationship is considered a physical affair. In addition, physical affairs do not always have an emotional aspect. Physical affairs can be gut-wrenching for the individual suspecting their partner is cheating.

The Fantasy Affair: What Is it?

The final type of cheating is the fantasy affair, which is also known as mental cheating. Daydreaming and having different fantasies is normal and can even be considered healthy. Fantasy enters into the infidelity realm when it leads to dishonest and secretive behavior, causing stress on your current relationship. When current fantasies make it difficult on your current relationship, this may become a cause for concern. Fantasy cheating can be expressed through:

  • escapism
  • porn addiction
  • having a secret life on social media
  • hiding financial aspects of your life
  • not paying attention to your significant other
  • trying to avoid the current relationship you are in

Fantasy affairs are a cause for concern because they cause a strain on one’s relationship. This causes the partner to feel emotional and physical neglect, while the fantasy cheater is checked out.

Which Type of Cheating Is Most Painful?

Which type of cheating hurts the most? Well, it depends. A study published in Evolutionary Psychology polled 447 adults on which type of infidelity is the most painful. The results?

  • Two-thirds of women say emotional attachment is more painful than extramarital sex.
  • Men have the opposite reaction – preferring their partner to have an emotional affair over a physical one.

As private investigators, we see each type of affair hurting each of our clients in a different manner, causing emotional distress for the victim. Our investigators believe all three types of cheating have different emotional heartbreak. All three of these types of cheating include secrecy, causing heartbreak and trust issues. By not keeping an open line of communication with your partner, a sense of loss occurs in the relationship. If you are seeing something off in your current relationship such as your partner becoming distance or behavioral changes, your partner may be having an affair.

Infidelity Private Investigators and The Types of Affairs We See

Root Investigations infidelity private investigators are here to help you determine if your spouse may be cheating on you. A client will hire one of our private investigators on Long Island to conduct physical surveillance. This helps determine one’s whereabouts.

Infidelity investigations are also known as “domestic surveillance.” Surveillance allows an investigator to disclose if your partner’s whereabouts. Additionally, internal investigations allow our detectives to disclose hidden social media activity and potential hidden assets. If you believe your partner may be having an affair, Root Investigations is here to help you find peace of mind.

In conclusion, these three types of affairs can cause distress to your marriage or relationship. This can cause trust and betrayal issues in all aspects of one’s life. Above all, we recommend being transparent with your partner, discussing what you are OK and not OK with. This will help assist you with having a healthy and successful relationship. As a New York private investigation firm, we are able to tell you once and for all if your partner is cheating.

The five types of cheating according to dating experts – and two don’t involve another person

What qualifies as cheating?

It’s an age-old question, one with myriad answers which vary depending on who you’re talking to and how much extra-marital canoodling you’re willing to dismiss as inconsequential.

However, there’s more to infidelity than the obvious offenders, such as sleeping with someone else.

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For some people, it could be a case of simply texting an ex or “sliding into their DMs”, explains dating coach Madeleine Mason.

“Because people have different boundaries, someone may think flirting is fine, while for someone else it’s considered emotional cheating,” she told The Independent.

While definitions vary couple-to-couple, there are some common underlying factors, such as secrecy, deception and emotional volatility.

However, according to experts speaking to Women’s Health, there are five definitive types of cheating and surprisingly, two of them may not even involve your partner.

1. Physical cheating

This might come as a surprise, but being physically intimate with someone who is not your partner is usually considered cheating, unless you go all Ross from Friends and insist that you “were on a break”.

However obvious it may seem, even physical infidelity is not necessarily immune from ambivalence.

Grey areas arise when you get into the minutiae of intimacy, which your teenage self will recall as an all-inclusive scale ranging from kissing to intercourse.

At what “level” you decide to call cheating is up to you and your partner, dating coach Jo Barnett told The Independent.

2. Having sexual fantasies about someone else

It’s normal to fantasize about people you find attractive, regardless of whether or not you’re in a relationship, relationship therapist Max Lundquist told Women’s Health.

However, run-of-the-mill daydreams about the gardener venture into adulterous waters when they lead to “unsafe or dishonest behaviour,” he said.

In other words, if you’re fantasies about said gardener lead you to spending all of your time picking weeds in the garden when your partner thinks you’re at work, it can become a problem.

3. Having romantic feelings about someone else

Also known as “emotional infidelity”, the lines for this breed of cheating can also be a little blurry.

Essentially, this boils down to harbouring feelings for someone else which, Barnett explained, is something that really is beyond your partner’s control.

“There is an undertone of disloyalty here,” she said.

While it’s not a crime to have loving relationships with more than one person, Lundquist argues that the infidelity arc comes into play when secrecy is involved i.e. you only ever see that person behind your partner’s back.

However, Mason argues that in order for these feelings to count as infidelity, they need to be acted upon. If they simply stay in your head, “it wouldn’t constitute infidelity in my book,” she said.

4. Secret spending

Yep, hiding your spending habits from your other half can be considered a form of infidelity, Lundquist argues.

Typically, this classification arises when such spending affects both people in the relationship and yet one person insists on harbouring their expenditure, be it for personal or professional reasons.

“This can cause problems and I would say it’s unfair not to disclose these activities as you are bound to get found out anyway,” Barnett said.

5. Secret social media activity

According to Dana Weiser, human development professor at Texas Tech University, social media infidelity is also becoming common in romantic partnerships and usually takes two forms.

The first is implicitly sexual i.e. you spend time liking ex-partner’s Instagram posts or flirting with people on dating apps, she told Women’s Health.

The second, Lundquist explained, can be described as cheating on your partner with your smartphone in that you spend more time engaging with your social media feeds than you do with them.

However, Mason adds that this can only really be considered infidelity if there is an ulterior motive involved that might lead to extramarital activities, such as sexting or spending a disproportionate amount of time in deep conversations online.

Excessive social media usage may also exacerbate insecurities within the relationship, Barnett explains.

“Obsessing over people you follow Instagram can be very annoying and could leave your partner feeling less secure.”

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What Counts as Cheating?

In a very broad sense, cheating involves betraying a partner’s expectations about the type of contact the cheater has with others.

When a husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend, violates one’s expectations about what is appropriate, people feel betrayed. Keep in mind that relationships are not based on logic, but are influenced by our emotions.

As a result, cheating is difficult to define because people differ in the type of contact they feel it is appropriate for a partner to have with someone else.

For example, some people believe that it is unacceptable for a partner to:

  • Flirt with others
  • Engage in sexual talk with someone else
  • Exchange personal e-mails or text messages
  • Deny being married or in a relationship
  • Spend time with specific individuals
  • Engage in specific types of contact—sleeping in the same bed with another person
  • Purchase intimate gifts and presents for others
  • Chat online with someone else (online affairs)
  • Have sexual contact with someone else (physical infidelity)
  • Become emotionally involved with someone else (emotional infidelity)
  • Develop a crush or feelings for another individual
  • Share their most private thoughts and feelings with someone else
  • Become best friends with someone of the opposite sex
  • And the list could go on and on….

Again, the main point is that individuals differ in what they consider to be an acceptable form of contact with other people.

At one extreme, some couples think it is acceptable to have sex and fall in love with someone else (see polyamory), while some people view flirting with another person as being inappropriate.

Cheating is complex because the definition varies so widely. However, when someone violates a partner’s expectations, the emotional outcome is the same—their partner feels betrayed and rejected.

Cheating is also problematic because couples rarely discuss exactly what their expectations are.

In any given relationship, what one person considers to be acceptable may differ from what a partner thinks is appropriate. Many problems arise in relationships because people do not see eye-to-eye on this issue.

And to make matters worse, many people do not like to define what counts as cheating. Many people prefer not to define what counts as cheating because by keeping the rules vague and ambiguous, it makes it easier to cheat. If you don’t know what the rules are, you really can’t break them—or some people like to think.

It’s a lot easier to deceive both oneself and a partner about cheating when the rules are not clear.

Related Information:

  • Advice for surviving infidelity
  • Overcoming jealousy
  • Infidelity and cheating – articles, links and resources

Types of Cheating

Bribery
Bribery is an act of giving money or gift giving that alters the behavior of the recipient. Bribery constitutes a crime and is defined by Black’s Law Dictionary as the offering, giving, receiving, or soliciting of any item of value to influence the actions of an official or other person in charge of a public or legal duty.

The bribe is the gift bestowed to influence the recipient’s conduct. It may be any money, good, right in action, property, preferment, privilege, emolument, object of value, advantage, or merely a promise or undertaking to induce or influence the action, vote, or influence of a person in an official or public capacity.

Cheating
Cheating can take the form of crib notes, looking over someone’s shoulder during an exam, or any forbidden sharing of information between students regarding an exam or exercise. Many elaborate methods of cheating have been developed over the years. For instance, students have been documented hiding notes in the bathroom toilet tank, in the brims of their baseball caps, or up their sleeves. Also, the storing of information in graphing calculators, pagers, cell phones, and other electronic devices has cropped up since the information revolution began. While students have long surreptitiously scanned the tests of those seated near them, some students actively try to aid those who are trying to cheat. Methods of secretly signaling the right answer to friends are quite varied, ranging from coded sneezes or pencil tapping to high-pitched noises beyond the hearing range of most teachers. Some students have been known to use more elaborate means, such as using a system of repetitive body signals like hand movements or foot jerking to distribute answers (i.e. where a tap of the foot could correspond to answer “A”, two taps for answer “B”, and so on).

Cheating differs from most other forms of academic dishonesty, in that people can engage in it without benefiting themselves academically at all. For example, a student who illicitly telegraphed answers to a friend during a test would be cheating, even though the student’s own work is in no way affected. Another example of academic dishonesty is a dialogue between students in the same class but in two different time periods, both of which a test is scheduled for that day. If the student in the earlier time period informs the other student in the later period about the test; that is considered academic dishonesty, even though the first student has not benefited himself.

Deception
Deception is providing false information to a teacher/instructor concerning a formal academic exercise. Examples of this include taking more time on a take-home test than is allowed, giving a dishonest excuse when asking for a deadline extension, or falsely claiming to have submitted work. This type of academic misconduct is often considered softer than the more obvious forms of cheating, and otherwise-honest students sometimes engage in this type of dishonesty without considering themselves cheaters. It is also sometimes done by students who have failed to complete an assignment, to avoid responsibility for doing so.

Fabrication
Fabrication is the falsification of data, information, or citations in any formal academic exercise. This includes making up citations to back up arguments or inventing quotations. Fabrication predominates in the natural sciences, where students sometimes falsify data to make experiments “work”. It includes data falsification, in which false claims are made about research performed, including selective submitting of results to exclude inconvenient data to generating bogus data.

Bibliographical references are often fabricated, especially when a certain minimum number of references is required or considered sufficient for the particular kind of paper. This type of fabrication can range from referring to works whose titles look relevant but which the student did not read, to making up bogus titles and authors.
There is also the practice of dry-labbing–which can occur in chemistry or other lab courses, in which the teacher clearly expects the experiment to yield certain results (which confirm established laws), so the student starts from the results and works backward, calculating what the experimental data should be, often adding variation to the data. In some cases, the lab report is written before the experiment is conducted–in some cases, the experiment is never carried out. In either case, the results are what the instructor expects.

Impersonation
Impersonation is a form of cheating whereby a different person than the student assigned an assignment or exam completes it. Different from regular cheating, the academic work is totally ‘outsourced’ to another person or organization, usually for pay.

Plagiarism
Plagiarism, as defined in the 1995 Random House Compact Unabridged Dictionary, is the “use or close imitation of the language and thoughts of another author and the representation of them as one’s own original work.” In academia, it is seen as the adoption or reproduction of original intellectual creations (such as concepts, ideas, methods, pieces of information or expressions, etc.) of another author (person, collective, organization, community or other type of author, including anonymous authors) without due acknowledgment, in contexts where originality is acknowledged and rewarded. This can range from borrowing without attribution a particularly apt phrase, to paraphrasing someone else’s original idea without citation, to wholesale contract cheating.

The modern concept of plagiarism as immoral and originality as an ideal emerged in Europe only in the 18th century, while in the previous centuries authors and artists were encouraged to “copy the masters as closely as possible” and avoid “unnecessary invention”. The 18th century new morals have been institutionalized and enforced prominently in the sectors of academia (including academic science, education, engineering etc.) and journalism, where plagiarism is now considered academic dishonesty and a breach of journalistic ethics, subject to sanctions like expulsion and other severe career damages. Not so in the arts, which have resisted in their long-established tradition of copying as a fundamental practice of the creative process, with plagiarism being still hugely tolerated by 21st-century artists. Lawmaking is a professional field which is not structured around the concept of originality and for which plagiarism is less relevant.

Plagiarism is not a crime but is disapproved more on the grounds of moral offence. It may be a case for civil law if it is so substantial to constitute copyright infringement.

Since 2000, discussions on the subjects of student plagiarism have increased with a major strand of this discussion centring on the issue of how best students can be helped to understand and avoid plagiarism. Given the serious consequences that plagiarism has for students there has been a call for a greater emphasis on learning in order to help students avoid committing plagiarism.

Professorial misconduct
Professorial misconduct includes improper grading of students’ papers and oral exams, grade fraud, deliberate negligence towards cheating or assistance in cheating. This can be done for reasons of personal bias towards students (favoritism) or a particular viewpoint (intellectual dishonesty), for a bribe, or to improve the teacher’s own perceived performance by increasing the passing rate. It is still occasionally done for matters of ego or to procure sexual favors (sexual harassment).

Sabotage
Sabotage is when a student or professor prevents others from completing their work. This includes cutting pages out of library books, deleting data off of classmate’s computer or otherwise willfully disrupting the experiments of others. Sabotage is usually only found in highly competitive, cutthroat environments, such as at extremely elite schools where class rankings are highly prized. Poor behavior and the low level disruption of other students’ learning, however, is extremely common in all educational settings. Some medical-school librarians have noted that important articles–required reading for key courses–are frequently missing from bound journals–sliced out with razor blades, scalpels, or other sharp blades. Other journals will be marked up in crayon.

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Infidelity is present in nearly one-third of all marriages. The concept is not limited to just men, as women both young and old are closing in on their male counterparts in its frequency. This is due in part to the fact that women are more physically and financially self-supporting than ever, and this can lead to harming a marriage more easily than in the past.

When spouses are confronted with infidelity, one of the first things they wish to know is the reason why it happened in the first place. While this may not help to fix the relationship or solve the problems, knowing why the spouse cheated may be an important first step in healing.

Psychologists have divided the various types of infidelity into categories. These categories help to define the reasons for the infidelity, whether physical or emotional, and can assist the victimized spouse to deal with the confusion and hurt that now exists in the relationship.

Physical and emotional infidelity

There are two major categories of infidelity: physical and emotional. While physical infidelity is what most people think of when they imagine cheating, emotional infidelity can be just as damaging. Emotional infidelity can be insidious, due to the fact that it is often hidden from the non-cheating spouse. Generally, this type of cheating is non-sexual, at least at first. It can easily lead to physical infidelity, however, as sexual desires take over.

Spotting this type of infidelity can be difficult, but one psychologist urges spouses to trust their instincts and what they know about their partner’s sense of loyalty. Using indirect conversational techniques to tease out the spouse’s views on cheating can be one way to understand their mindset. Whether this definition of infidelity includes emotional cheating can be one factor in spotting that infidelity. The best time to confront these issues, the psychologist points out, is when the relationship is healthy. Waiting until the damage is done can make it difficult to identify the relationship problems.

Opportunistic infidelity

One common type of physical infidelity is called opportunistic infidelity. This generally occurs when a couple is in love, but one spouse succumbs to temptation when the opportunity for sexual activity with another person presents itself. Drug use or alcohol is commonly involved in this type of infidelity, lowering a person’s inhibitions to stay faithful.

While this type of infidelity may lead to guilt, particularly when the person is truly in love with their spouse, these guilty feelings may lessen over time. This is because the threat of being caught also fades and the opportunity for this type of infidelity is not continual.

Romantic infidelity

This type of infidelity comes in two varieties: conflicted and non-conflicted. A conflicted case of romantic infidelity occurs when a person genuinely feels love and affection for both their spouse and another person. While many believe that a person can only ever truly love one other, this is not true. However, carrying on loving relationships with multiple people, particularly when married, often leads to all parties being hurt in the end. This can also lead to that person living parallel lives, sometimes for long periods of time.

Non-conflicted romantic infidelity is often the product of a person having a low emotional attachment to their current spouse. They develop romantic feelings for another person, even while maintaining their marriage in order to make things work. Whatever commitment they feel with their spouse, whether financial, relational or because of children, they often keep that relationship going but seek emotional attachment elsewhere. This, however, can be extremely hurtful and damaging to the spouse who is then trapped in a marriage with very little love in it.

Commemorative infidelity

This type of infidelity takes place when the spouse is not getting the physical or sexual relationship they desire with their spouse. Often, this type of infidelity is justified by the person seeking what they are not receiving in their current relationship. As with non-conflicted romantic infidelity, the couple is usually only staying together due to their commitment. The relationship is lacking any physical or emotional attachment, leading to the person expressing their sexual desires elsewhere.

While all of these types of infidelity can be extremely hurtful to a spouse and damaging to a marriage, psychologists say that many marriages actually survive bouts of infidelity. Because infidelity tests the strength of a marriage and often reveals weaknesses, it allows a couple to fix their issues and emerge stronger than before.

Recovery from infidelity can help in rebuilding the marriage from a new base of mature love, rather than romantic infatuation. This, along with more open communication between spouses, can help to make a relationship more solid and able to withstand problems going forward.

Couples beware: Here are 3 types of infidelity other than sex!

Infidelity, by definition, is being unfaithful to a moral obligation. In the context of relationships, this is the act of breaking a promise that you made to remain faithful to your partner.

People typically associate unfaithfulness with sexual affairs, but there are other types of infidelity, too.

Keep yourself in check; sex isn’t the only way to cheat on your partner!

Object affairs: When something else becomes the priority

Care Corner Counselling Centre’s manager, Jonathan Siew, recalls a previous case where a man in his 40s approached him for marriage counselling as his wife felt “lonely and ignored” by him, so wanted a divorce.

He had made her feel neglected throughout the years while he worked and did not spend any time with her even when he was at home.

With the countless distractions that we are faced with each day, it isn’t surprising that addiction to objects also counts as a form of infidelity.

Object affairs happen when the cheating partner focuses his or her time and energy on something other than the relationship. It could be work, social media, or even your smartphone.

Do you spend more time on your phone than with your spouse? This could count as cheating!

If you find yourself reaching for your phone the moment you wake up, sifting through Facebook posts at the dinner table, and liking and commenting on Instagram photos before bed, know that your actions fall under the different types of infidelity.

An object affair may seem harmless, but it can result in a lack of attention, communication and intimacy in your relationship. These negative effects caused by being addicted to distracting things show that, truly, sex isn’t the only way to cheat.

Keeping secrets from your partner about your income or expenses could mean that you are committing financial infidelity!

Financial infidelity: When money comes between you and your spouse

It is not uncommon for money matters to spark conflict in a relationship, especially when lying about money is involved. This situation is considered as one of the types of infidelity, and if you aren’t careful, your negative money habits could quickly progress into financial infidelity.

But what exactly is considered as financial infidelity? The Business Insider lists out the money lies that could destroy your relationship:

  1. Lying about how much money you make.
  2. Lying about how you earn your money.
  3. Lying about your debt.
  4. Lying about the things you buy.
  5. Lying about loaning money to friends and family.
  6. Lying about having bank accounts your spouse or partner doesn’t know about.

Psychologist, Richard Lim, who has counselled clients on this issue explains that financial infidelity could hurt a marriage or relationship just as much as having an affair.

His says, “My advice is simple. You wipe the slate clean and confess. At most, you’d have a nagging spouse or partner.”

Emotional infidelity: When things are too close for comfort

You may think that it is harmless, but becoming emotionally attached to someone else could be bad for your marriage.

If you are taking extra time getting yourself ready just to impress a co-worker, or are constantly sending text messages to them, or even having lunch with them on a regular basis and are hiding it from your spouse, this is considered as having an emotional affair.

Violating your spouse’s expectations of emotional fidelity may actually be even worse betrayal than sexual infidelity.

One of the biggest reasons emotional infidelity is dangerous is because it is easily hidden. It isn’t easy to prove that your partner may be engaged in an emotional affair.

When Joanne found out about the blossoming friendship between her husband and his former schoolmate, she struggled to keep her cool.

“This evokes the worst kind of jealousy, especially after I find out from his text messages that they’ve been meeting for coffee quite often”, she shares.

When it comes to emotional infidelity, the connection is more about feeling desired, understood and even loved by someone else.

These types of infidelity can do as much damage to your relationship as sex, maybe even more. So couples beware, though you may feel that what you are doing is not a big deal, it could mark the beginning of the end for your marriage.

(Republished with permission from: theAsianparent Philippines)

What other types of infidelity have you experienced? Share your comments below.

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The causes of infidelity are complex and varied. Affairs can occur in happy marriages as well as in troubled ones. Here we look at the various affair types and provide a basic treatment strategy for that affair type.

7 step infidelity recovery method

Type 1: Accidental Affair

  • AKA: The One Nite Stand Affair

Type 2: Avoidance Affair Type

  • Intimacy avoidance affair
  • Conflict avoidance affair

Type 3:Philanderer Affair

  • Womanizer

Type 4: Entitlement Affair

  • Royal Affair

Type 5: Split Self Affair (Romantic Affair)

  • Romantic Affair
  • Mid-Life Crisis
  • Coming Out Affair

Type 6: Exit Affair

  • AKA: Out The Door Affair

Type 7: Sexual Addiction Affair

  • AKA: Sex Addict

Determining your affair type

Take the Affair Type Quiz. This quiz will help you do a quick analysis on the type of affair.

I would encourage you to read the descriptions of each affair type and then determine which one best characterizes your experience. You may notice, your affair condition fitting into several categories and this is entirely possible.

Affair relationships, like any other relationship, do not follow a consistent pattern. For example, what may start out as a “one night stand” has developed into an avoidance affair.

As you are here to find answers to why you were unfaithful, or to why your spouse was unfaithful, I ask you to take a deep breath before you begin. Try and let go of your need to fit into a category perfectly.

The Infidelity Recovery Institute has a treatment plan for each of the 7 affair types. However, you will notice that the treatment plan will not be available for public viewing as the content is sensitive (especially to an individual who has been betrayed).

Trained and certified IRI professionals are able to provide you with the support and guidance to help you process these deep emotional wounds.

When choosing a professional to assist you with affair recovery, remember that affairs have psychological deep-seeded roots. Check your professional has a foundation in psychology, with years of experience in couples therapy, and has a method/process they current use with clients in affair recovery.

Emotional affairs

Emotional affairs, which do not include sexual contact, are also affairs. Although the dynamics are similar, the lack of an overtly sexual component means that the volatility and sense of betrayal is substantially less.

For example, I have found men to be more forgiving if the wife had an emotional affair, over a sexual affair. The sad reality is, that it is more difficult for a women to end an emotional affair over a sexual liaison. Emotional affairs are sexual affairs in the making. I choose to treat and classify emotional affairs, with the affair message they are sending.

The most threatening aspect is not the affair it’s self, but the dishonesty that it casts out over the entire relationship.

Read more…

Financial Infidelity

Though it is not quite as serious as being with another person, financial infidelity can cause similar issues in regards to trust. Not only do you have to work through this aspect of the relationship, you usually have to work to get out of a financial mess that happened as a result of the financial infidelity.

Read More….

Understanding the Different Types of Infidelity

The expectation of exclusivity and monogamy is common, although not always adhered to in a marriage or long-term relationship. When this expectation isn’t met, emotional damage can occur, including feelings of severe anger or rage. Some people experience a sense of betrayal and loss of trust in their partner while some lose a sense of personal confidence and self-esteem.

Many people have struggled to differentiate between platonic friendships and infidelity. While a friendship with the opposite sex is not the determining factor, the issues of faithfulness, deception and betrayal are.

There are several different types of infidelity that may occur in a relationship. Understanding the differences is important, so one doesn’t fall prey to one or more types of infidelity. It is also helpful to know the types in order to be able to continue to nourish and work on one’s couple.

There are two main categories of infidelity: Physical and Emotional. An affair is generally considered to be a secondary relationship that is a combination of types and possibly fall under both main categories of physical and emotional infidelity. For instance, combining sexual and emotional, or cyber and emotional intimacies.

  • Object Affair:
    An object affair can be described as pursuing an outside interest that may reach a point of near-obsession, where the interest leads to neglecting one’s relationship. A healthy balance of outside interests are perfectly fine, normal and encouraged in a committed relationship, but when one is so consumed with the object or if the interest takes top priority, that is when the problems arise. By choosing interests in which both partners can participate, the object is more likely to bond the couple than hurt the relationship.
  • Cyber Affair:
    A cyber affair occurs entirely online. The acts of sexting, texting, chatting or video chatting with a sexual context, without your spouse, are all considered to be a cyber affair. Cyber activities with one’s partner can be very healthy for a marriage. Sexting with your partner can be great foreplay as well as watching pornography together. A wonderful way of staying connected throughout the day with one’s spouse is texting.
  • Emotional Affair:
    An emotional affair occurs when one partner becomes emotionally attached to someone other than his or her spouse. One may spend a great deal of time communicating with this other person about deeply personal things or have inside jokes with the non-partner. Sharing problems, issues, life dreams and goals with someone other than your spouse or partner takes attention away from your relationship and is considered an emotional affair. Sharing the ups and downs and ins and outs of daily life with your significant other is essential in a successful relationship as it promotes closeness and nurtures the partnership.

  • Sexual Affair:
    A sexual affair is when one has sexual relations or intercourse outside the marriage, experiencing no deep emotional attachment to their sexual partner. Examples may be one-night stands or hiring a prostitute. Having a healthy sex life is an important aspect of marriage, and most people believe in monogamy or sexual exclusivity. Monogamy allows the trust needed to be vulnerable with one’s spouse.

What one person considers an affair or infidelity may not be considered infidelity by someone else. Knowing what your spouse views as infidelity is a key to maintaining your marital vows. For example, a person might not consider his or her partner’s viewing of pornography to be cheating, while another person might consider it to be infidelity and experience feelings of inadequacy as a result of the disclosure.

Some view infidelity only as sexual intercourse with a non-partner and therefore may not consider emotional affairs to be cheating. However, this type of infidelity can be more detrimental to a relationship than physical infidelity, as an emotional affair might indicate that the partner committing the infidelity is no longer invested in the relationship.

Studies have shown that women appear to be more likely to forgive sexual affairs since there is no emotional bond, while men have a more difficult time forgiving a sexual affair.

Attending premarital therapy, can be helpful to discuss views and expectations around monogamy early in one’s relationship to avoid future disagreements, issues, or hurt.

If infidelity has arisen in your relationship, seek the help of an experienced marriage therapist. It is possible to overcome infidelity and move forward to create a stronger, successful, happy and healthy marriage.

Understanding the Different Types of Infidelity

The CWCSF Blog

Understanding the Different Types of Infidelity

October 18, 2016

By: Staci Lee Schnell, M.S.,C.S., LMFT

The expectation of exclusivity and monogamy are commonly assumed although not always adhered to in a marriage or long term relationship. When this expectation isn’t met, emotional damage can occur, including feelings of severe anger or rage. Others experience a sense of betrayal and loss of trust in their partner while some lose a sense of personal confidence and self-esteem.

Many have struggled to differentiate between platonic friendships and infidelity. While a friendship with the opposite sex is not the determining factor, the issues of faithfulness, deception and betrayal are.

There are several different types of infidelity that may occur in a relationship. Understanding the differences are important, so one doesn’t fall prey to one or more types of them. It is also helpful to know them in order to be able to continue to nourish and work on one’s marriage.

There are two main categories of infidelity: Physical and Emotional. An Affair is generally considered to be a secondary relationship that would be considered a combination of types and possibly fall under both main categories of physical and emotional infidelity. For instance, combining sexual and emotional or cyber and emotional intimacies.

Emotional Infidelity:

An object affair can be described as pursuing an outside interest that may reach a point of near-obsession and where the interest leads to neglecting one’s relationship. A healthy balance of outside interests are perfectly fine, normal and encouraged in a marriage, but when one is so consumed with the object or if the interest takes priority, that is where the problems arise. By choosing interests in which both partners can participate, the object is more likely to bond the couple than hurt them.

Cyber Affair:

A cyber affair occurs entirely online. The acts of “sexting”, texting, chatting or video chatting without your spouse are all considered to be a cyber affair. Cyber activities with one’s partner can be very healthy for a marriage. “Sexting” with your partner can be great foreplay as well as watching pornography together. A wonderful way of staying connected throughout the day with one’s spouse is texting.

Emotional Affair:

An emotional affair occurs when one partner becomes emotionally attached to someone other than their spouse. One may spend a great deal of time communicating with this other person about deeply personal things or have inside jokes with them. Sharing problems, issues, life dreams and goals with someone other than your spouse takes attention away from your marriage and is considered an emotional affair. Sharing the ups and downs and ins and outs of daily life with your spouse is essential in a successful marriage as it promotes closeness and nurtures the relationship.

Physical Infidelity:

Sexual Affair:

A sexual affair is when one has sexual relations or intercourse outside their marriage, experiencing no emotional attachment to their sexual partner. Examples may be one-night stands or hiring a prostitute. Having a healthy sex life is an important aspect in a marriage and most people believe in monogamy or sexual exclusivity. Monogamy allows the trust needed to be vulnerable with one’s spouse.

What one person considers an affair or infidelity may not be considered infidelity by someone else. Knowing what your spouse views as infidelity is key in not breaking your marital vows. For example, a person might not consider his or her partner’s viewing of pornography to be cheating, while another person might consider it to be infidelity and experience feelings of inadequacy as a result of the disclosure.

Some view infidelity only as sexual intercourse outside the relationship and therefore may not consider emotional affairs to be cheating. However, this type of infidelity may be more detrimental to a relationship than physical infidelity, as an emotional affair might indicate that the partner committing the infidelity is no longer invested in the relationship.

Studies have shown that women appear to be more likely to forgive sexual affairs since there is no emotional bond while men have a more difficult time forgiving a sexual affair.

Attending premarital therapy, can be helpful to discuss views and expectations around monogamy and relationships outside of the primary relationship early in one’s relationship to avoid future disagreements, issues, or hurt.

If infidelity has occurred in your relationship, seek the help of an experienced marriage therapist. It is possible to overcome infidelity and move forward and have a stronger, successful, happy and healthy marriage.

Different types of infidelity

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