- The Best 20 Songs for Making Out, Having Sex, Whatever’s on the Menu
- “Adorn” — Miguel
- “Let’s Get It On” – Marvin Gaye
- “Purple Rain” – Prince
- “Danger! High Voltage” – Electric Six
- “I’m A Slave 4 U” – Britney Spears
- “Je T’aime… Moi Non Plus” – Serge Gainsbourg
- “Redbone” – Childish Gambino
- “Earned It” — The Weeknd
- “(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life” – Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes
- “Rock Your Body” – Justin Timberlake
- “I’ll Make Love To You” – Boyz II Men
- “Drunk In Love” — Beyoncé ft. JAY Z
- “Kiss It Better” — Rihanna
- “Pony” — Ginuwine
- “Partition” – Beyoncé
- “Cherry Pie” – Warrant
- “Birthday Sex” – Jeremih
- “Thinkin Bout You” – Frank Ocean
- “U Got It Bad” – Usher
- “Motivation” – Normani
- Why Sex From Behind?
- Popular Sex Positions From Behind
- Take The Quiz: Do I Give Good (or BAD) Blow Jobs?
- What the Woman Does When Taking it From Behind
- Shower Sex
- Safety First
- Take It Up a Notch
- Getting Sex from Behind Right
- Oral From Behind
- Making the Move to Anal Sex
- Frequently Asked Questions
- Watch This: Blow Job Tutorial Video
- What does traditional doggy style look like?
- 1. Start with foreplay.
- 2. Get vertical.
- 3. Or lie (all the way) down.
- 4. Leave the bedroom.
- 5. Throw in a pillow.
- 6. Pay attention to your position.
- 7. Bring in nipple play.
- 8. Find your closeup.
- 9. Try an unconventional prop.
- 10. Give yourself a hand.
- 11. Be smart about surfaces.
- 12. Bring in butt play.
- 13. Look behind you.
- 1. It’s really hard for me to O during doggy. Any suggestions?
- 2. I feel like doggy never really goes deep enough for me. What can I do to feel my dude a bit more?
- 3. This isn’t the most intimate position. I feel like I’m not really connecting with my BF at all. Is there any way to make doggy feel less like f*cking and more like making looove?
- My dude is BIG (humblebrag) and sometimes the penetration is too deep. Anything we can do?
- 5. My dude always slips out during doggy. WTF is going on?
- 6. Is there any way to modify the doggy position if it doesn’t feel comfortable to me?
- How To Touch A Woman & Finger Her Vagina, In 9 Beginner Steps
- 1. Prepare Your Tools For The Job
- 2. Tease Your Partner
- 3. Know What You’re Touching
- 4. Ask For Feedback
- 5. Use Lube
- 6. Experiment With Your Touch
- 7. Hone In On Your Partner’s Clitoris
- 8. Let Your Partner Tell You When To Stop
- 9. Enjoy Yourself
- 5 Ways to Sexually Open a Woman (and Keep Her Open)
- Make sure to warm up first
- How to find her G-spot
- How to stimulate her G-spot
- How to take it to the next level
- Intercourse: Positions 101
- Table of Contents
- Tips for deep penetration that satisfies both partners.
- Positions that increase the odds of an intercourse orgasm for women.
- Intercourse positions to stimulate the G-spot.
- Adventurous intercourse positions.
- Why some men enjoy rear-entry during intercourse.
- 1. Doggy style
- 2. Oral Sex
- 3. Reverse Cowgirl
- 4. Missionary
- 5. Counter Top Sex or The Eager Chef
- 6. The Swiss Ball Blitz
- 7. The Pogo Stick
- 8. The Butter Churner
- 9. The Lap Dance
- 10. The Randy Raft
- 11. Fondling With Boobs
- How to have vaginal sex
- What is vaginal sex?
- How do you have vaginal sex?
- What is foreplay?
- When should I put on a condom?
- How do you get the penis into the vagina?
- Will it hurt – and will the woman bleed?
- What is the best position for vaginal sex?
- What are the risks of pregnancy, STIs and HIV from vaginal sex?
- HELP US HELP OTHERS
The Best 20 Songs for Making Out, Having Sex, Whatever’s on the Menu
Ah, sex. Whether you’re into kinky, wild sex involving toys and new positions or you’re satisfied with chill, post-work, stress-relieving sex, intimacy with your significant other or even just a casual fling is fun, pleasurable, and exciting. Yet despite some of your best efforts, it’s not always easy to get in the mood, especially if you find yourself following the same routine every time you hit the sheets. It’s time to turn on your speakers and put on these love making songs to put you in the mood.
Sometimes what you need — aside from scented candles and sexy lingerie (sorry, mom and dad) — is a soundtrack. At times it can be difficult to focus on the task at hand when all you can think about is the awkward silence before doing the dirty deed, whether or not your roommate can hear you, or if you remembered to turn off the oven. So with a little bit of music you’ll be able to take your mind off everything but the person you’re with and get a little crazy. After all, what’s better than experimenting a little during sex?
So without further ado, here is a love making playlist that will definitely help you get laid tonight.
“Adorn” — Miguel
MiguelVEVO on YouTube
Who better to get you in the mood than Miguel, the newest king of sexy R&B? This sensual track will get you in the mood to get frisky, but it’s also a declaration of love for your partner, too. What’s better than both of those things together?
“Let’s Get It On” – Marvin Gaye
Boblet233 on YouTube
This Marvin Gaye classic is definitely the best song to put you in the mood, and if you don’t know how to get things started, at least the chorus will make your intentions known to your partner. The smooth tune also makes for a great way to prank your sibling by playing it really loudly when he or she is about to get it on with his or her SO. Not that I would know from experience. #smh
“Purple Rain” – Prince
Prince – Topic on YouTube
While far from the dirtiest song in Prince’s deep catalog, “Purple Rain” may be one of the best songs to put on when you’re hoping to get in the mood before the magic has started. It’s a classic makeout song, and what better way to ease into sex than to start with a sensual kiss?
“Danger! High Voltage” – Electric Six
e6beat on YouTube
This group didn’t hide anything in the hilarious and at times naughty music video to this song, but there’s nothing wrong with that. Embrace the fact that you’re getting laid tonight with this rock romp .
“I’m A Slave 4 U” – Britney Spears
BritneySpearsVEVO on YouTube
The song that officially signaled Britney Spears had embraced her sexuality and grown into a mature woman was “I’m A Slave 4 U.” While it’s definitely a throwback, it’s an undeniably sexy one. If your man isn’t into this, then you can tell him to leave.
“Je T’aime… Moi Non Plus” – Serge Gainsbourg
mtorringa on YouTube
Originally written for his former love, Brigitte Bardot, Gainsbourg created a hit with this song, which he eventually recorded with a later girlfriend, Jane Birkin. Initially, the French song faced some backlash because of how erotic it was. So naturally you will want to make love to this.
“Redbone” – Childish Gambino
ChildishGambinoVEVO on YouTube
This song is so sexy, it even became a meme. But all fun aside, the funky bass line and Donald Glover’s falsetto make this track from his funk and soul-heavy album Awaken, My Love! a bona fide jam to turn on when you’re finally alone with that special someone.
“Earned It” — The Weeknd
TheWeekndVEVO on YouTube
There’s a reason this song is on the Fifty Shades of Grey soundtrack. In fact, basically anything The Weeknd does could go on the Fifty Shades soundtrack. So, are you worth it? Once you’re in bed, you’ve earned some sex to this song.
“(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life” – Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes
Ricky Fung on YouTube
Although I wouldn’t typically recommend attempting to do the Dirty Dancing lift associated with this song, Ryan Gosling’s go-to move in Crazy, Stupid, Love drove women crazy. And I’m not just talking about Emma Stone.
“Rock Your Body” – Justin Timberlake
justintimberlakeVEVO on YouTube
Speaking of hot men, Timberlake pretty much says it all in this song with, “Better have you naked by the end of this song.” Plus, who doesn’t like a good song by the former *NSYNC singer?
“I’ll Make Love To You” – Boyz II Men
BoyzIIMenVEVO on YouTube
Though Stacie’s performance of this song didn’t win the riff-off in Pitch Perfect, it wins the “this-will-get-me-laid” contest for sure. Also, points given for being extremely clear about what’s going down when you put this song on. Anna Kendrick would be proud of you.
“Drunk In Love” — Beyoncé ft. JAY Z
BeyoncéVEVO on YouTube
Aside from the fact that this song is essentially one of the world’s sexiest power couples flaunting their tipsy love in front of everyone, Beyoncé and JAY Z’s “Drunk In Love” also gets points for the proliferation of the term “surfbort.” Don’t know what it is? Ask your partner to try the position with you!
“Kiss It Better” — Rihanna
RihannaVEVO on YouTube
This slow jam is all about the celebration of pleasure, particularly from oral sex. “What are you willing to do?” is a good challenge to give to your partner. We all could learn a thing or two about kissing it better, after all.
“Pony” — Ginuwine
GinuwineVEVO on YouTube
There’s a reason this song is so iconic. Channing Tatum dances to it in Magic Mike, and if you or your partner (or both of you!) are ready to show off your moves in the bedroom, this is absolutely the song to put on.
“Partition” – Beyoncé
BeyoncéVEVO on YouTube
Not only is this video hot (after all, it is Queen Bey — when is she not?), but the lyrics are also on point. Beyonce knows how to reach out to her listeners. Oui, j’aime le sexe.
“Cherry Pie” – Warrant
cheesecake519 on YouTube
I’m not going to say that all sex songs are classy, because this one definitely isn’t, but “Cherry Pie” will make you feel crazy and carefree. Most sex isn’t all Fifty Shades of Grey — and that’s probably a good thing — but not all of it is completely innocent, either. Sometimes you just gotta let your freak flag fly.
“Birthday Sex” – Jeremih
JeremihVEVO on YouTube
Birthday sex, everyday sex… who’s really keeping track? Getting laid should be a celebration in and of itself. Listen to this song and have birthday sex year-round!
“Thinkin Bout You” – Frank Ocean
Frank Ocean – Topic on YouTube
There’s a time and a place for fast-paced songs when you’re enjoying sexd with your SO, but sometimes it’s nice to take it down a notch with a slow song like this one. Remember: passionate sex is good sex, and this is definitely a sweet and passionate song.
“U Got It Bad” – Usher
UsherVEVO on YouTube
Usher is the king of slow jams, and there’s no better slow jam than “U Got It Bad.” The best part is that this song is sexy, but genuinely romantic, too. Put this one on when you’re sending some special time with someone you’re really serious about.
“Motivation” – Normani
NormaniVEVO on YouTube
If your partner needs some motivation to get down, Normani’s joyous new single will get you both there. And if anyone is ambitious enough to do that basketball trick in bed… all the better.
This post was updated to include recent releases on September 9, 2019.
There are literally tons of reasons why getting on top during sex is fantastic for you. “Being on top offers more gratification than other sex positions because it lets you feel close to your partner and puts you in charge of your own pleasure,” explains Beverly Whipple, PhD, sex educator and professor emeritus of nursing at Rutgers University. “You decide how fast the pace is and how deep your partner will enter you, making it more likely that you will reach orgasm.”
To assist in adding woman-on-top to your list of stress-free go-to sex posishes, here are four ways to master this move.
Get your body in gear
“While you’re in bed kissing, roll on top of him and sit up with your knees on either side of his hips,” advises Lou Paget, author of The Big O. With one hand on the bed or his chest for support, lift your body up and forward, then guide him into you with your other hand as you slowly lower yourself. When you’re on top, play around with different poses to see what feels best. You can try putting your hands or elbows above his head and leaning your torso toward him, which will bring you close enough to kiss. To shake it up, straddle him facing forward and lean back with your arms resting on his shins or the bed for balance. “Many women avoid this position because it leaves them feeling so exposed,” says Paget. “But it’s a major turn-on for both of you.”
If you’d rather be less revealing, pull your guy’s shoulders toward you so you’re both sitting upright with your legs wrapped around each other and your torsos melded together. This position can be very intimate since your faces are touching and you can slide your arms around each other so you’re superclose. It’s also a great method for offsetting a too-early orgasm. When you’re sitting with your bodies practically merged, you’re barely moving, which keeps your (or his) climax in a hot holding pattern until you’re both ready.
Find your groove
Once you’re comfortably positioned, it’s time to settle into a rhythm that will help you orgasm, because that’s pretty much the whole point of sex besides babies, I guess. “Try moving your hips in a steady circular motion,” advises Whipple. “This way, you’ll feel your man rub against all sides of your vaginal walls, and you can experiment to find the penetration and positioning that feel best for you.” Or slowly rock back and forth instead of bouncing up and down, moving your body forward until your clitoris presses against his pubic bone. The combination of feeling him inside you as you’re getting that clitoral stimulation can make you lose it. Says Cindy, 24: “My boyfriend and I discovered this maneuver one night while I was leaning all the way forward. For us, it works best when he’s deep inside me, with a pillow under his butt to raise his pelvis slightly so I can rub against him. I get the extra pleasure of being aroused inside and out.” You can also fine-tune your technique: Sit straight up and he’ll fit into you more directly, providing a deeper, fuller feel. Keeping your legs together tightens your grip and boosts the sensations for both of you, while spreading them apart — whether bent at the knees or stretched-out — lets you dabble rather than go deep.
Don’t do all the work yourself
Just because you’re in the driver’s seat doesn’t mean your partner should just yawn and say, “wake me up when we get there.” Ask him to pitch in if your knees start to feel sore or when a supplementary motion on his part would make the lovemaking feel twice as nice. “If it means making sex more intense for both of you, chances are, he’ll want to lend a hand,” says Whipple. Keisha, 26, admits: “I love controlling the pace when I ride my guy, but it’s nice when he takes over every so often so that I can catch my breath. Like when I’m tired of thrusting, he’ll clutch my hips and rear end, gently pulling me forward and pushing me back.” Another tip for ~equal division of labor~: Try grinding your groins in tandem so you feed off his momentum without having to make all the waves yourself. Think of it as a Rated R seesaw, where he’s pushing his pelvis up and toward you while you’re thrusting down and back. The friction will hike up your excitement and provide sensational clitoral stimulation. And don’t worry if your bodies aren’t moving perfectly in sync — you aren’t in a music video.
There’s one more major reason why being on top rocks: “No other position leaves your body so open to exploration,” says Whipple. Take advantage of your accessibility by having your partner touch you. Having him stroke your clitoris while you’re thrusting and grinding gives you twice as much stimulation, which can ignite some seriously hot orgasms. An easy way to pull this off: “Take his hand and make the movements you want him to use so he knows what gets you going and can finish on his own,” advises Paget. As Meghan, 28, discovered, the results can be astounding: “I’d never been able to climax through intercourse, but one little change to woman-on-top did it for me — his hand!” she recalls. “That extra stimulation makes sex better than ever.”
Or, get buzzy
Another option? Bringing a vibrator into the mix. You might think this position makes it harder to squeeze a toy in where you need it, and you’re half right. If you’re on top leaning forward toward him, yeah, you might not have the access you need. But if you lean back or spin around into Reverse Cowgirl, it’ll be super easy to maximize his internal stimulation with the friendly rumblings of your favorite toy.
This post was originally published in 2011 and has been updated.
When you’re sick of Missionary position, what’s next? Sex doesn’t have to involve staring straight ahead into your partner’s eyes; although, this can definitely be enjoyable. Any position where your man takes you from behind can help you explore the slightly more animalistic side of sex. Sex from behind also keeps your man’s hands free during sex, which is awesome if you like to be dominated!
Side Note: I put together this in-depth assesment that will uncover just how good you are at giving oral sex and satisfying your man. It may uncover some uncomfortable truths, or you may discover that you are already a queen at giving blow jobs. and find out how good your blow job skills really are…
Why Sex From Behind?
One of the highest forms of praise sung about doggie style is that it enables better G-spot stimulation than missionary due to the angle. If your partner’s penis lacks the length or girth to fully fill you in other positions, sex from behind might be the solution!
Related: How To Find Your G Spot Easily & Quickly
Additionally, if you can support yourself with just one hand, you can reach between your legs to stimulate your clitoris (some great clit stimulation techniques here) with your hands or even a vibrator (tips for using it here).
Popular Sex Positions From Behind
1. Leapfrog Sex Position
One variation of sex from the back variation is the Leapfrog, where your shoulders and breasts dip down to the bed. This helps to take the strain off your arms and shoulders. Your partner can then move into Jockey position by leaning forward with his arms outstretched to on either side of your body.
If you want to give your man back-arching, toe-curling, screaming orgasms that will keep him sexually obsessed with you, then you can learn these sex techniques in my private and discreet newsletter. You’ll also learn the 5 dangerous mistakes that will ruin your sex life and relationship. Get it here.
This enables him to thrust long and slow so you can feel every inch! If your partner moves his knees forward toward your rib cage and grasps your hips, he’ll have plenty of leverage when riding you from behind. You can see demonstrations of the Leapfrog position above and Jockey position below.
2. Jockey Sex Position
Want to try something else? Reach back to grasp your knees with your hands. You’ll curl up your body in a position that will allow you to feel your partner deeper than ever before. You can also move into a kneeling position where you’re sitting in your partner’s lap if your bodies allow this pose to work.
Reach up and behind to wrap your arms around his head to feel closer to him. This is called Teaspooning, as demonstrated below.
3. Teaspooning Position
Of course, not every position involves you being on the bed. You can just as easily lean over the bed, back of the sofa, dresser or even table to mix things up like in the Burning Man position. In a pinch, your partner can take you from behind over the hood of a vehicle, and you don’t even need to take off your top! This adds excitement thanks to the potential of being caught or watched by someone if you’re in public to the already-amazing feeling of sex in this position…just make sure you aren’t breaking any laws!
Burning Man is a bit difficult if you don’t have something of the right height to lean on or if you and your partner have a big height difference. If this position does work, it can be uncomfortable against your hips and stomach. Try placing a pillow between you and the counter/furniture.
5. Bodyguard Sex Position
The Bodyguard sex position is the classic standing position where your guy is fucking from behind. Although it might seem easy, you need the right factors for it to work. For starters, you cannot have too much of a height difference. You may be able to kneel on something to compensate for a height difference. That’s the case for the next two from behind positions too.
6. Pump Sex Position
Take The Quiz: Do I Give Good (or BAD) Blow Jobs?
In this sex position from behind, you squat over a sofa or chair — make sure it’s secure! — while your man stands and enters you from behind. You’ll brace your butt against him, and he’ll hold your hips to keep you secure. You can also lean forward to support yourself.
It can be used for anal or vaginal sex. Unfortunately, you’ll need to keep all hands on deck to stay stable, so there aren’t a lot of options to stimulate yourself.
Learn more about Pump sex position.
7. Stairway to Heaven
Got a stairway you can use to have sex? Then you have another option when it comes to rear penetration! Start by kneeling on the stairs: your hands will be a few stairs above your knees. Then, your man kneels with his knees outside of yours. Both of you can lean forward if you like, and you can grasp the bannister for extra security.
Get tips for the Stairway to Heaven position.
8. Spooning Sex Position
In this classic sex position, you lie on your side and your man lies behind you to penetrate you either vaginally or anally. Because you’re both fully supported, it’s safer and less risky. Spooning is a pretty comfortable sex position.
Another benefit of this sex position from the back? Either of you can stimulate your breasts or clitoris.
9. Pretzel Sex Position
This position puts a unique twist on spooning, literally! While you’re on your side, your partner kneels behind your thighs, sliding one of his knees between your legs. Your top leg can bend to create space while you push the bottom leg further back between his. You can twist your upper body so it faces upward, and your partner leans over you.
Few sex from behind positions are as intimate as the Pretzel is.
10. Brute Sex Position
The way a man is mounting a woman from behind in the Brute position seems a little odd, but hear us out! To get into this position, you lie down with your legs spread and knees bent toward your chest. Your man kneels facing away from you between your legs. He’ll hold your calves with his hands, and your hands are free to stimulate wherever you’d like.
Your man will need to scoot close to you to be able to penetrate you from above and facing away. His butt will wind up resting on yours or the back of your thighs when you try this sex position from the back. This position won’t work out well if he has a shorter penis, unfortunately.
11. High Chair Sex Position
For couples who have a big height difference, the High Chair position might be the answer! All you need is a stool without a back (you might be able to make it work by sitting backward on a chair) that’s about the height of your man’s hips. Make sure to arch your back and hips, so your butt is pointed back toward him. In fact, this position works best for vaginal sex when your butt hangs off the back!
You can either place your hands between your thighs for support or on a surface in front of you.
What the Woman Does When Taking it From Behind
We’ve tried to provide suggestions for what you can do in sex from behind positions. Since you’re not facing your man, you can focus on pleasuring yourself, either with your hands or your favorite sex toy, if your breasts and clitoris are free. Consider placing a pillow or other object in front of you that you can grind your clitoris against for additional stimulation.
Remember to keep your back arched downward, not upward when your man enters you from behind! Try to push your tummy down!
You may be able to move your hips to aid thrusting as well. Of course, this is a perfect time to talk dirty.
Read More: How To Talk Dirty To A Guy- With 19 Examples
Many women enjoy sex positions from the back because they allow them to be submissive. Check out this guide to being submissive to get a few ideas.
Some positions from behind don’t feel that great for some women . If you’re one of them, speak up! Talking about sex helps you have better sex!
This is less a from behind sex position as it is a situation where those positions work best. When you have shower sex, you typically stand with your man penetrating you from behind.
If your shower is in the bathtub, you might rest your foot on the edge of the tub (but not the faucet or fixtures, which can break off). Depending on the size of your tub, you might be able to kneel similar to Teaspooning.
Safety is of the utmost importance when you’re in the shower. Make sure you have something on the floor to prevent slipping. You can lean on handlebars or even use a shower seat to make things safer and more comfortable. If you need lube, choose a silicone-based lube because water-based formulas will wash off with water . Also, keep in mind that spilling lube on the shower floor can be dangerous and slippery , so be careful!
Be careful that any furniture you lean on can fully support your body weight though, and don’t attempt any positions from behind in the shower that might cause you to slip. You cannot rely on a faucet to safely support your bodyweight, let alone the combined weight of you and your partner.
You can try getting suction cup handles and footrests you can install in your shower to make sex safer when you’re standing up.
Take It Up a Notch
Sex from behind works for pretty much any couple, straight or gay. In fact, there are not many people who don’t love it! Aside from providing your lover with a great view of your ass, this position can also leave his hands free to perform a variety of sexy activities. If the two of you are fans of impact play, for example, your lover can spank you or swing a paddle flogger at your behind to leave delicious red marks.
Discover why erotic spanking is the best!
No implements are needed, however, as he can bite your shoulder or drag his fingernails down your back. It’s the perfect position for him to grab your hair or wrap his hand around your neck for a more intense sense of domination, just make sure to discuss a safe word if you are both going to get particularly intense.
In some ways, being taken from behind is like wearing a blindfold because you don’t exactly know what’s coming. If he starts out slow, then the anticipation can increase your arousal or even make your orgasms more intense.
You can use a free hand between your legs to rub your clit until orgasm. You’ll find more masturbation techniques here. Plus, doggy style and similar positions enable him to massage your back or even do something more intense like pouring hot wax onto your skin. If you’re agile enough to do so, he can even bind your hands above your head on the headboard in this position, but this is something you should both discuss beforehand.
Getting Sex from Behind Right
Any of these sexual positions might require some tweaks to work best for you and your partner. Adapting it to your personal tast is actually the key to figuring out how to have good sex from behind.
For example, it can be difficult to achieve deep penetration if you have a well-endowed backside, and your partner has a smaller penis or a rounder tummy. A large height difference can also make it more difficult for your bodies to sync up.
If you have trouble raising your hips off the bed, then you can raise your hips by lowering your shoulders or by placing a pillow or two under your hips. In fact, some companies create memory foam pillows specifically to aid in sexual positions! There are also companies that sell doggie style slings/straps to help keep your body in position and ensure your partner has enough purchase to thrust effectively.
Some people think that doggy style is less intimate because you can’t face your partner or do things that come with facing each other, including kissing while facing each other. So there are limitations to sex from behind, but this doesn’t mean that sex from behind has to feel less intimate, and you can increase intimacy in a couple of ways.
If you’re on hands and knees, for example, you can turn your head to face your partner. Alternatively, you can position yourself so that you’re facing a mirror to see each other’s faces.
Finally, your partner can lower his body, so he rests more fully on yours. From this position, he’ll be able to wrap his arms around you, kiss your neck and whisper into your ears, all of which are plenty intimate!
For many men, these positions feel so good that that reach orgasm more quickly. If you want to prolong sex, suggest that your partner use slower, more shallow thrusts. This can also help to ease any discomfort on your cervix if these positions cause it to be more easily bruised by your partner’s penis.
Oral From Behind
While we’ve focused on positions that are mostly good for vaginal sex, you can easily try a few positions from behind that aren’t about vaginal sex.
Let’s start with oral sex.
It’s pretty difficult to perform oral on a guy from behind; our bodies just don’t work that way! But as a woman, you can receive from behind. You can either be kneeling or standing and bent over. It might help to spread your legs a little. Then, your partner stands, kneels, or sits behind you so he’s at the right height to eat you out.
But oral doesn’t have to be reserved for your clitoris and vagina. We’ve discussed rimming/rim jobs before. Also known as analingus , this is when you’re getting it from behind from your partner’s tongue. Because everyone has an anus, you can perform it as well!
Not everyone is comfortable with giving a rim job, but if you are, you can learn more about rimming.
Remember that you can use dental dams, small plastic squares, to prevent the spread of STIs during cunnilingus and analingus . Try adding a bit of lube between the dam and your partner’s anus to keep it in place and increase sensation . These devices can make cleanup much easier and may make you feel more comfortable giving or receiving a rim job! In a pinch, you can even use plastic wrap or even cut a condom to create a DIY dental dam .
An oral lashing in either location can be quite enjoyable and get you ready for your partner to enter you from behind.
Making the Move to Anal Sex
When your partner is already behind you, the transition to anal sex is natural. Any position that works well for vaginal sex from behind works just as well for anal (you’ll find 19 anal sex positions here). You can work your way from vaginal to anal sex by allowing your partner to stimulate your anus with his fingers, tongue or a toy. You can even experience double penetration if your partner inserts a toy into one hole while his penis fills the other one.
The same advice applies to all anal sex. Because the anus doesn’t self-lubricate like the vagina, you’ll want plenty of slippery stuff on hand. A thicker gel lasts longer, while silicone-based lubes tend to be thinner and resist washing away with water. You and your lover might even consider an oil-based lube, which can also double as a great massage product before you get down and dirty. More on how to have great anal sex here.
So far, we’ve talked about a man entering from behind, but a woman can enter from behind, too! When a woman penetrates her male partner anally while wearing a strap-on, it’s called pegging . You can learn more in this article about pegging.
There are three main things to know about pegging:
- It doesn’t make him gay. A guy might be taking it from behind, but his partner is still a woman. However, it’s not uncommon for people to feel confused or anxious about the subject .
- It stimulates his prostate, an organ located within his anus , which can feel great! Bonus: prostate massage may be good for his prostate health down the line .
- The anus doesn’t create any lubrication on its own, so you’ll want to add your own.
For men, prostate play can cause a different type of orgasm that doesn’t involve ejaculation .
Many women feel especially powerful when they get the chance to enter from behind with a strap-on. While this activity may not be for everyone, we encourage you and your man to talk about it and give it a go!
Psst, you can also use your hands and toys to give a prostate massage.
Of course, sex from behind doesn’t have to include anal. It’s plenty of fun if you stick to vaginal penetration in doggy style or leap frog position. The two of you are sure to find enough variation that you won’t even miss Missionary style!
This post on Elite Daily examines why guys like fucking from behind.
Frequently Asked Questions
FAQ # 1 – How can we make sex from behind work if we have a big height difference?
One of the major drawbacks of intercourse from behind is, of course, differences in height. This is why we chose to showcase positions that use a variety of furniture and settings to help compensate for that. If any of these rear penetration positions sound good but don’t quite work, you can try to modify them. Here are a few ideas
Stand, sit, or kneel on furniture while your partner stands behind you. Just remember that it should be designed to hold your weight if you don’t want a painful accident! You can even use tools such as a sex swing, which holds your weight and can lift you off the ground when you’re doing it from behind. There are even slings and harnesses your partner can grasp to hold you in the right position. Just look for “doggie straps” on your favorite sexy retailer.
If you like the idea of using a sex swing, here are some more ways to be sexually adventurous.
You both kneel instead of standing. Try squatting instead of kneeling or vice versa.
When doing it from behind, place memory form pillows beneath your body to increase your height.
Watch This: Blow Job Tutorial Video
I put together this in-depth, step-by-step instructional video that will teach you how to make your man sexually addicted to you and only you. It contains a number of oral sex techniques that will give your man full-body, shaking orgasms. If you’re interested in learning these techniques to keep your man addicted and deeply devoted to you as well as having a lot more fun in the bedroom, then you may want to check out the video. You can watch it by clicking here.
I kindly challenge anyone with a vagina who doesn’t like doggy-style sex to seriously reconsider. I get that it’s not the most intimate of positions—you’re facing away from your partner, after all—and it’s not exactly relaxing (your arms get tired, and your knees can take a reaaal beating). But when done correctly, doggy-style is incredibly satisfying.
“You can get the deepest penetration possible in this position, and you can also reach the G-spot,” says Ava Cadell, PhD, author of Neurolovology. On top of that, your partner gets a **very** nice look at your butt, and you work HARD for that booty. Why not remind them how lucky they are?
“You can get the deepest penetration possible in this position, and you can also reach the G-spot.”
Plus, for some women, being on all fours and entered from behind—the most basic definition of doggy, which obviously comes from the way dogs themselves mate—can actually be mentally stimulating, too. On one hand, the lack of pressure of staring into your partner’s eyes can make it easier to orgasm, says Nan Wise, PhD, a licensed psychotherapist and certified sex therapist, and author of the forthcoming Why Good Sex Matters. On the other, you might enjoy feeling dominated by your partner—it’s a gentle foray into kinky or BDSM sex.
If you’re still not sold on doggy-style, let me tell you this: There are specific things you can do to make it hotter than any other sex position out there. But before I get into those, let’s start with the basics…
What does traditional doggy style look like?
Classic doggy involves you getting on all fours, with your partner behind you and on their knees, entering you from behind, says Wise.
Other sexy variations include bending over the bed while your partner enters you from behind (more on that below), as well as several changes to your leg and arm positions to switch things up. Since you are indeed not a dog, you have lots of power over how this position goes down—so get ready to have some fun, with these tips:
1. Start with foreplay.
If you’ve tried doggy-style sex in the past and you found it either uncomfortable or painful—something you don’t typically find with other types of positions—it’s likely because your body hasn’t prepared itself for it. As Cadell notes, doggy is a deep and thus intense position, especially if your partner is well-endowed, so you might need a little more time getting excited.
To prime yourself (read: self-lubricate), spend time (at least 10 to 20 minutes, ideally) making out, touching various erogenous zones, and whispering sexy things (ya know, dirty talk). You need to do one F word (foreplay) before you can comfortably do the other (f*ck), so make sure you both build time in for that.
2. Get vertical.
The OG doggy-style setup—kneeling on all fours—can feel great for a while, but eventually, your knees start to feel it. “A lot of women complain that they get sore knees, or that it hurts their back or their neck,” Cadell says. Fix that by getting on your feet. Stand up and lean forward slightly against a wall, or bend over onto a table or a desk.
3. Or lie (all the way) down.
Sick of being on your hands and knees? I got you, girl. Try lying flat on your stomach, with or without a pillow under your pelvis (but definitely one under your face, for comfort). Like so:
The snug fit will make your partner feel even bigger inside you…AND you get to be lazy.
4. Leave the bedroom.
The best part about doggy-style is that it doesn’t even require a bed. Try it in the shower, standing on a staircase while holding onto the banister, or leaning over the kitchen counter. You could even bust it out in the car, if your backseat is big enough.
“My favorite is bending over a dryer that’s on the spin cycle, so it’s like a giant vibrator,” says Cadell. Ooh…fun.
5. Throw in a pillow.
Traditional doggy doesn’t guarantee an orgasm, sadly enough. To up your chances of the big O, get into your classic doggy-style position with you on all fours, then put a wedge pillow (or a few firm pillows) under your belly in order to increase external pressure on the abdomen and pelvis—this ups the ante on the sensations you get during sex.
Lastly, keeping your hips raised, and rest your head and arms on the bed. “Almost like a child’s pose,” Wise adds. (It’s kind of like Leap Frog position, but with the added OMG of pillow pressure.)
6. Pay attention to your position.
Arch your back (not to the point of pain, please), as if you’re moving into the cow pose of cat-cow in yoga. Not only will you improve the angle of penetration, helping your partner better hit your G-spot, but you’ll also give them a better view—and that’s half the fun of doggy, at least IMO.
7. Bring in nipple play.
If you like breast stimulation, doggy is the perfect position to incorporate them, says Cadell. Grab your partner’s hands and place them on your breasts. Then, by keeping your hands over theirs, you can show them exactly the way you want to be touched—think of it as a naughty show-and-tell.
8. Find your closeup.
Position yourself in front of a mirror so you and your partner can sneak a peek at each other from another angle, says Sadie Allison, PhD, author of The Mystery of the Undercover Clitoris. And don’t be surprised if it inspires you to put on a show. Toss your hair, arch your back a little more, and catch your partner’s eyes for a sultry look. It’s like starring in your own porno…and that’s empowering AF.
Doggy-style makes pulling out super easy, but you may want to rethink that contraception method…
9. Try an unconventional prop.
Don’t worry, “nothing fancy” is required, says Wise. But do go ahead and grab a yoga strap before heading to the bedroom. (I know…huh?) “They are probably the easiest, most accessible, and most ubiquitous bedroom prop,” Wise says.
Just wrap the strap around your waist for that feels-so-good pelvic pressure you get with pillows, and then let your partner pull on it while they enters you from behind. (Don’t have one? Use a long silk tie or something similar.) The bonus is that they’ll also get a bit more leverage for thrusting—and there’s nothing like adding a little pseudo bondage to the mix.
10. Give yourself a hand.
Using your fingers or a vibrator (bullet vibes work great here), stimulate your clitoris as your partner thrusts, for a doubly powerful, blended climax. This is, by far, one of the primo ways to increase your chances of orgasm during doggy, says Allison.
11. Be smart about surfaces.
Rug burn on your knees isn’t fun, and neither is slipping on satin sheets when you’re ~trying~ to be sexy. Consider adding a plush pillow under your knees if you’re doing doggy on the floor (this is a great go-to for quiet sex), position yourself close enough to a headboard or other surface to have something to grasp as your partner thrusts, or bunch up a couple of throw blankets under your hands and knees to create a little slip-proof friction.
12. Bring in butt play.
If you’re into it, this is the easiest position to switch from vaginal sex to anal, says Cadell, since your butt is (obviously) right there. Just make sure to switch the condom to avoid infection, and if it’s your first time, be sure to use plenty of lube and go slow.
You can also keep going for vaginal penetration and spice things waaay up, with a toy designed for the backdoor. Again, just remember to use lube, patience, and caution—having a safe word before starting never hurts.
13. Look behind you.
What makes good sex great sex is as simple as one word: enthusiasm. (No one wants to screw a dead fish…or in this case, dog.) You don’t have to hold sustained eye contact with your partner, but do throw a few sexy glances their way from time to time, especially when whatever they’re doing feels amazing.
If you want to be funny, encourage your partner with a “Good dog, you!” JK…don’t do that.
I like to think of doggy as the Scott Disick of sex positions. At first, we all hated Scott. But once we really got to know him and he grew up a little, we—as a great nation—couldn’t help but love him. Now, he vacations with Kourt, Sofia, and the kids and we’re all here for it.
And like Scott, doggy sucks at first. At its worst, your head is shoved in a pillow, your clit’s totally being ignored, and your vag is dry as the Sahara. The whole thing is just uncomfortable and kind of awkward. But once you really understand how to do doggy right, you may just love it more than—dare I say it—you stan Lord Disick.
Most of our problems with doggy can be fixed with some super-simple adjustments—and we have all those fixes here for you. We had Gigi Engle, LifeStyles brand ambassador, certified sex coach, and author of All the F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life, answer every single one of your doggy-related questions.
1. It’s really hard for me to O during doggy. Any suggestions?
If you’re having a little trouble getting there during doggy-style, you’re not alone. Actually, not to make you feel basic, but there are plenty of women with the same issue. A 2017 study found that 36 percent of women need clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm. And let’s face it, doggy-style isn’t exactly heavy on the clit rubbing.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. “Get your clitoris involved by bringing in some sex toys,” says Engle. “A smaller toy is easier to maneuver over the clitoris since you’re balancing with one hand on the bed and the other on your clit,” she says.
But honestly, know that doggy just isn’t the right position for everyone when it comes to having an orgasm—and that’s totally chill. “Doggy-style can be enjoyable without orgasms, so don’t put so much pressure on yourself to come,” she says. Instead, mix up your sex positions so you can find which position does.
2. I feel like doggy never really goes deep enough for me. What can I do to feel my dude a bit more?
According to Engle, all you really need to get maximum depth next time you and bae are doing it doggy is a slight tweak to your positioning. “Try moving onto your elbows for support instead of being on straight all-fours,” she says. “This can get your partner deeper.” Another option? Try out flat doggy, where you lie on your stomach and your partner lies directly on top of you, says Engle.
If you’re not feeling super ~connected~ to your bae during doggy, it might be time to slo-mo this B. “Doggy-style is often depicted in porn as this rough and intense pounding position, and it really doesn’t need to be this way,” says Engle. “Slow everything down. Have your partner thrust with purpose.” Engle actually recommends slowing things down as a rule of thumb whenever you want things to feel a bit more intimate in bed. “When in doubt, slow down the sex to make it more sensual,” she says.
If you’re craving some mid-coital smooches, there’s even a way to get that taken care of. “You can even sit back on your knees, with your partner still inside you, so they can kiss your neck and grab your breasts,” says Engle. “All of this makes the position very intimate and sexy.”
My dude is BIG (humblebrag) and sometimes the penetration is too deep. Anything we can do?
If you’re dealing with this issue, Engle says that first and foremost, you have to make sure you’re, like, 110 percent turned on before any P goes into your V. “This can take 20 to 30 minutes for women,” she says. “Oral sex is a must. The vagina naturally expands when it’s aroused. If you’re not ready for penetration, there can be pain and even tearing. This is the biggest cause for female pain during sex.”
In addition to being aroused, make sure you have a handy bottle of lube lying around on deck. “Lube is a must. We need to stop having shame around lube,” she says. “It doesn’t matter how wet you get, you should always be using more lube. The wetter, the better. This will help with discomfort.”
5. My dude always slips out during doggy. WTF is going on?
Alright, so there are a few reasons he could be slipping out of you so often: “It could be that he has a smaller penis or it could be that your thrusting movements are too big and you’re out of sync with your rhythm,” says Engle.
No matter what the reasoning behind the regular slip-outs, Engle says it’s nothing a little good old-fashioned communication can’t fix. “The easiest way to handle it is to decide which one of you is moving and which one of you is staying still during this position,” she instructs. “That way, you don’t wind up disconnected.” Or try flat doggy, as described above, since this positioning gives a more controlled depth, which can make staying in easier.
6. Is there any way to modify the doggy position if it doesn’t feel comfortable to me?
If the classic knees-down-ass-up doggy isn’t working for you, Engle recommends working a pillow into the mix when you’re doing it the OG way. “Being on all fours can cause a lot of banging around of the cervix, which is not ideal,” she says. “Try placing a pillow or two under your hips for more lift.”
Related Story Hayley MacMillen Hayley MacMillen covers sex, relationships, and health. Candice Jalili Candice is a Sex, Relationship, & Lifestyle Writer based in NYC.
How To Touch A Woman & Finger Her Vagina, In 9 Beginner Steps
We’re always hearing that we could be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship. But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist, to help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off limits, and all questions remain anonymous. Now, onto today’s topic: how to touch and finger a woman.
Q: I just started dating women, and I’m not super experienced with it. Do you have a general primer on how to give a handjob to a woman? One problem I have is that I’m not totally sure what I like on myself, so I have a hard time knowing what to do to another woman.
A: Thanks for your question! I think a lot of people underestimate how pleasurable handjobs can be, which is a real shame. Before we get into technique, I want to encourage you to do some exploration on your own first. You have a whole world of exploration at your fingertips! Take the time to get to know your body and what it likes. Not sure how? Check out our handy guide to female masturbation.
Also, despite what the headline says, it is important to note that just because someone identifies as a woman does not mean they have a vulva, and not all people with vulvas consider themselves women. For the purposes of this article, we will be using the term “people with vulvas.”
Now let’s jump right to eight crucial tips for anyone who wants to make someone with a vulva come with their hand.
1. Prepare Your Tools For The Job
Andrew Zaeh for Bustle
It’s really important to have clean, well-groomed hands when you’re touching someone with a vulva’s genitals. Keep your fingernails trimmed and filed, to avoid scratching their sensitive skin. Don’t cut your nails right before hooking up; they’ll still be too rough and sharp to touch this person. You also want to make sure to wash your hands right before getting down to business, to protect your partner from getting an infection in this area.
2. Tease Your Partner
Spend plenty of time warming up before you move between your partner’s legs (with their permission, of course). Make out with your partner, kiss their neck, and nibble on their ears. Caress your partner’s butt, hips, and thighs. When you start to work your way down, rub your partner’s crotch through their pants using your palm, or grind against your partner with your thigh or pelvis. Even after their pants are off, keep teasing your partner. Leave your partner’s underwear on and trace a fingertip up and down their labia. You want your partner to be aching for skin-to-skin contact by the time you finally let them have it. For many people, teasing is the best part of the entire experience, so don’t skip over it in your haste to get to their clothes off! Just check in with your partner first and make sure teasing is something they’ll enjoy.
3. Know What You’re Touching
Andrew Zaeh for Bustle
Let’s go over a basic anatomy refresher of what your hands are going to come into contact with. You’re going to want to spend most of your attention on these four areas:
- Your partner’s outer labia are the two lips that are covered in pubic hair. This is the main area you’ll be teasing through your partner’s clothes. There aren’t a ton of nerve endings in the outer labia, but you can rub them with your fingertips and even roll the skin between your thumb and forefinger. It’s also hot to pull their labia apart with your hands.
- The inner labia are the set of lips that don’t have any pubic hair. The skin here is thinner and wet, so you’ll need to be a little more delicate than you are with the outer labia. Stroke the inner labia lightly with your fingertips.
- The vaginal opening is further back, towards your partner’s anus. It’s where penetration occurs if you have intercourse, and it’s also where vaginal lubrication is secreted from. The majority of the nerve endings are located in the outer third of the vaginal canal, so tracing your finger around the opening or inserting a few fingers inside will feel great.
- Your partner’s clitoris is hands-down the most sensitive part of their anatomy. The tiny little nub is packed with nerve endings. Most people need direct clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. Be very gentle with the clitoris until you get a sense of how much stimulation your partner likes.
4. Ask For Feedback
According Sarah Watson, licensed professional counselor and sex therapist, if you’re new to touching someone’s vulva, it’s important to communicate and ask for feedback. This can be verbal, or non-verbal.
“Have a discussion before hand, figure out what is going to best for everyone,” Watson says. “What is the best way to provide information, is it a groan, or a hard no? Communication is key here. Some options would be verbal responses, response through touch or movement. But all must be agreed upon first. Also discussing that what might have felt good before might not feel good today, and that is not a personal attack or critique it’s just how most with vulvas can respond. Then talk about it after, what went well, what felt good, what could change?”
This way, you’re both on the same page and enjoying the experience.
5. Use Lube
As I mentioned above, the skin on a your partner’s genitals is quite delicate. You don’t want your fingers pulling and tugging at their skin when you’re touching them. I highly recommend using artificial lube when you’re fingering your partner. You can use their natural fluids as lubricant (just dip your fingers into their vaginal opening), but they won’t last as long and they may feel embarrassed if they “dry out”. Artificial lube will not only decrease your partner’s discomfort (and any potential pain), but it will also increase their sensitivity and help your fingers move more deftly. I think silicone lubricant lasts longest and feels best against the skin.
Try: Personal Lubricant by Penchant, $22, Amazon
6. Experiment With Your Touch
Andrew Zaeh for Bustle
Every person’s body responds differently to touch, so you’ll want to play around with a few different ways of touching your partner to figure out what they like best. There’s no need to go crazy with a ton of different techniques; just give your partner a few options! In general, people with vulvas like one of three different approaches: clitoral stroking, penetration with your fingers, or both at the same time.
Try a couple clitoral strokes, like circling around their clitoris with one finger, gliding diagonally across the surface, rubbing up and down, or going side to side. Next, try using your fingers inside of them, starting with one, then moving up to two and three. Then try using one hand inside of your partner and the other on their clitoris. Ask your partner, “do you like it better when I do this or this?” Or see which approach makes them moan louder or breathe heavier.
7. Hone In On Your Partner’s Clitoris
Once you’ve got your partner going, make sure you spend particular attention to her clitoris. Most people with vulvas need repetitive, consistent clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. Find your rhythm and don’t make any changes as your partner starts to near their climax. You can also ask them what their typical technique is when they masturbate to help figure out what feels best for them here.
8. Let Your Partner Tell You When To Stop
People with vulvas take an average of 20 minutes to reach orgasm, and a lot of people are sensitive about taking “too long.” One of the best things you can do as their partner is to tell them you’re going to keep touching them for as long as it feels pleasurable for them. Note that I said “for as long as it feels pleasurable” instead of “until they orgasm.” You don’t want to put pressure on your partner to reach orgasm. Focus instead on making your partner feel good.
Similarly, Watson says a candid discussion about what your partner enjoys is a good thing to have before and during. “I would recommend talking to the partner who is receiving the touch and ask them what they like,” Watson tells Bustle. “Start there. Then explore with types of pressure, you can use different textures, temperatures … Get creative.”
9. Enjoy Yourself
Bringing another person an immense amount of pleasure with just your hands can be an incredibly fun and empowering experience. Enjoy the ride! Plus, the more fun you have, the more relaxed your partner is going to feel, and the more pleasure they’ll allow themself to take in. It’s a win-win situation for everyone!
Sarah Watson, licensed professional counselor and sex therapist
5 Ways to Sexually Open a Woman (and Keep Her Open)
You’ve all heard the phrase: “Behind every good man is a woman.”
Well, behind every good woman is a man, on his knees, ferociously thrusting and giving her everything he’s got.
It makes her a better woman.
And she in turn makes him a better man.
When I hear a man complaining about his clingy, bitchy partner, all that tells me is that he isn’t fucking her enough.
The fucking needs to be thorough, artful and heart-ful.
Otherwise, the woman will show signs of FUKME.
And everyone will suffer.
Here are five things a guy can do that will eradicate FUKME in the woman:
1) F*ck her frequently.
If I had to give you an honest answer about how often is ideal, i’d say twice a day: morning and evening: The Sex Prayer.
That’s my ideal, anyway, and I like the concept of the morning and evening rejuvenation.
A constant source of nourishment.
You connect to start out the day, revitalizing each other. And you reconnect in the evening to soothe after the long day and send you into the dream state with serenity.
I know that might seem like a lot for some people.
Find what works for you.
Though it’s probably more than what you think.
And, before you go telling me that you have work, children and chores and “Who has the time?” let me tell you about a couple who recently came to one of my retreats.
They have five children, both work at extremely high-powered jobs (he is a CEO and she is also high-ranking corporate) and
THEY. HAVE. SEX. EVERY. DAY.
I do not accept your excuses.
2) F*ck her for long enough.
How long is long enough?
I personally like the long, all-night or at-least-several-hours haul, but shorter sessions have their place too.
Especially if you are having frequent sex (see above), then shorter sessions are perfectly acceptable.
For women to reach the deeper levels of vaginal orgasms, they need extended intercourse. A minimum of 15 minutes, and ideally up to 30 or 45.
You’ve heard me address repeatedly how vaginal orgasms are where it’s at.
These are the orgasms that truly lead a woman into well-f**ked territory.
This is the territory where she gives back to you tenfold and truly becomes the good woman behind the man.
It’s worth putting in the time to get her there.
Learn how to build your stamina in this video.
3) F*ck her with heart.
Anyone can move their hips up and down and come in 60 seconds.
If you want to open your woman so she becomes the being who supports you in your life, gives to you unconditionally and energizes rather than depletes you, you need to fuck her with heart.
If you fuck her unconsciously, with your only goal your own orgasm, she’ll build up resentment towards you and that will eat at your relationship.
It will show up in nagging, depression, and sarcastic comments.
Because she doesn’t feel loved.
You need to love her with your cock and your heart.
Ideally at the same time.
Look into her eyes and adore her as you fuck her.
Penetrate her core with your cock.
You can fuck her fast and furious, so long as your heart is in the game.
She’ll feel it.
4) Keep the sexual simmer going in-between sex.
It’s so crucial as a man to understand that once a woman opens to you in deep sex—her heart is open, her vagina is open—you need to show that you are there to catch her as she falls.
Even if you’ve been together for a long time. hopefully you are hitting new sexual peaks all the time, and new levels of vulnerability.
So this is still a necessary thing.
The best thing you can do as a man to nurture this growth is to let your woman know you are there. Text her. Email her. Tell her you love her and how beautiful she is. Tell her how much she means to you.
She’ll feel safe to remain open and the crazy, amazing places you get to during cataclysmic sex will build upon each other, strengthening your relationship over time.
5) Build the simmer during sex—otherwise known as foreplay.
I saw a brilliant headline the other day: “Most women fake orgasms because most men fake foreplay.”
There is a saying in old Taoist sexual writings: Sexually speaking, men are like fire: quick to ignite and quick to extinguish. Women, on the other hand, are like water: slow to boil but they keep on boiling.
The key is for men to be able to last long enough to get a woman to boiling.
Not only is foreplay touching other parts of the body besides the breasts or vagina, it’s even about tossing out a few smaller orgasms before going for the bigger, deeper ones.
In an ideal sex session, a woman has at least a few orgasms.
And in the land of not just having quick, easy orgasms but orgasms that are full-body ecstasy and change your life, we have a different approach here.
Read The Ultimate Foreplay Guide here.
We want both of your orgasms to energize you, connect you and be the source of your nourishment.
And, like any gourmet meal, that takes some cultivation.
FREE video series for men!
For more on the cultivating, including how to have off-the-charts, full-body orgasms that rejuvenate (instead of leaving you needing to pass out afterwards) you fully and are the key to all-night stamina, check out my FREE Sexual Mastery for Men video series.
The third video in the series is out now all about the dark and dominant masculine and how to turn on the primal energy that every woman wants from you.
This series is the prelude to the Sexual Mastery for Men salon that comes out next week.
Check it out!
What is the G-spot? Where is the G-spot? Does the G-spot even exist?
These questions have puzzled pleasure-seeking men, women, and scientists since the female G-spot was first identified in the 1940s by German researcher Ernst Gräfenberg, after whom the spot is named. (The G does indeed stand for Gräfenberg, although we wouldn’t recommend asking if you’re hitting her Gräfenberg Spot while getting hot and heavy in the bedroom.)
In 2012, a scientific review came to the conclusion that there isn’t much anatomical proof that every woman has a G-spot, but anecdotal evidence and “reliable reports” say that there is indeed a specific area inside the vagina that, when stimulated, may help some women reach orgasm.
Still, that was 2012, and we’re in 2019. Researchers have come a long way since then—kind of. They’ve come to speculate that the G-spot isn’t so much a spot as it (likely) an extension of the clitoris. Yes, you read that correctly. The clitoris is actually much larger than the rosebud-shaped knob at the apex of a woman’s labia. It extends up to five inches inside the body, which is why researchers are beginning to conceptualize the G-spot as not existing independently, but rather, as an entity deeply intertwined with other parts of the female sexual anatomy.
Here’s a replica of what the clitoris actually looks like, FYI:
The anatomical relationships and dynamic interactions between the clitoris, urethral sponge, and anterior vaginal wall have led to the concept of a clitourethrovaginal (CUV) complex. A groundbreaking article published in Nature Reviews in 2014 posited that when the CUV is “properly stimulated during penetration, could induce orgasmic responses.”
In other words, the G-spot likely does exist, but it’s not some separate, mysterious entity. It’s another erogenous zone linked to the clitoris, and some women can achieve an orgasm by stimulating it from inside the vagina.
Still, many women aren’t convinced they have a G-spot. When British researchers asked 1,800 women if they believed they had a G-spot, only 56 percent said yes, which isn’t very encouraging for guys trying to strike orgasm gold with their fingertips. Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean you don’t try (unless she tells you she prefers that you keep things to her external clitorus).
And regardless if she can have G-spot-induced orgasm, if you know the right way to go about looking for the G-spot, your girl will enjoy the hunt, says Emily Morse, host of the podcast “Sex with Emily.” Here’s how to start exploring.
Jacobs Stock Photography LtdGetty Images
Make sure to warm up first
First and foremost, make sure your hands are clean and your fingernails are trimmed, because you’re going to be putting them in a very sensitive place, Morse says. Due to its tucked-away location, “fingers are usually most effective at finding and stimulating the G-spot,” she adds.
Like anything else related to sex, foreplay is paramount, she stresses. Focus on kissing and caressing your partner’s lips, breasts, butt, and other non-genital hot spots for several minutes before getting down to business. “The G-spot is composed of tissue that swells when it becomes aroused,” Morse says. “If she’s already turned on, it will be much easier for you to find it and go about pleasing her.”
Lovehoney Sliquid H2O Original Water-Based Lubricant 4.2 fl oz Sliquid lovehoney.com $11.69
Even if your partner is moist from foreplay, Morse notes that a few drops of lubricant might make things more comfortable for her.
How to find her G-spot
While it’s not clear if every woman gets off on G-spot stimulation, there’s little debate about where the controversial pleasure point can be found in the women who do. “It’s about 2 inches inside of the vagina, on the top side of the vaginal wall,” Morse says.
If your partner is on her back and you insert a finger with your palm facing the ceiling, the “top side” of her vagina is the spot you’ll touch by curling your finger in a come-hither motion, almost like you’re trying to stroke her belly button from the inside. If you’re having trouble, have her draw her knees back toward her chest to give your fingers better access, Morse says.
How to stimulate her G-spot
Now that you know where it is, how do you stimulate it? Just as you wouldn’t forcefully jam your whole penis into her in a single movement, you should work your finger in slowly and softly. “Do not thrust vigorously,” Morse warns. “Your partner is not a change purse and you are not searching for quarters.”
Once she seems comfortable with your finger inside of her, use that same curling motion to softly massage the top of her vagina with the pad of your finger. If you feel a ribbed or textured area, you’re on the right track to the G-spot, Morse says. “You’ll know you found it because it will feel like a bean-shaped bump and may be more textured than the surrounding tissue,” she adds.
Stroke the G-spot in a rhythmic motion, trying different speeds and amounts of pressure until you’ve found the one she most enjoys. “If she isn’t giving you feedback, don’t pick up the pace or increase the pressure,” Morse stresses. “Ask her how it feels, and adjust your moves accordingly.”
There’s a chance she might not enjoy how it feels, especially if she’s had problems finding her own G-spot in the past, says Morse. If this is the case, abort the mission and try again another time. It may take several attempts, or the G-spot may just not be her thing, says Morse.
How to take it to the next level
If you’ve successfully worked your way to the G-spot and your partner is into it, Morse recommends using your free hand to gently press on her belly, just above the top line of her pubic hair. Soft pressure on the outside can help stimulate her G-spot even more.
Once you’ve revved her up with your fingers, rear-entry positions like doggy style are especially good at stimulating her G-spot, Morse adds. “Make sure she’s on all fours with her back arched slightly, as opposed to lying with her head on the bed. Try lifting her hips and thrusting in a downward motion so your penis can more easily rub the front wall of her vagina.”
The Editors of Men’s Health The editors of Men’s Health are your personal conduit to the top experts in the world on all things important to men: health, fitness, style, sex, and more. Zachary Zane Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based writer, speaker, and activist whose work focuses on lifestyle, sexuality, and culture. He was formerly the digital associate editor at OUT Magazine and currently has a queer cannabis column, Puff Puff YASS, at Civilized.
Get into position
Lie on your stomach with your hands thrust between your legs. Now grind your legs together and move your hips up and down so that your clitoris and pubic mound rub against your firmly held fingers. Thoughts of Ryan Gosling optional.
What’s the benefit?
Simple yet superb satisfaction and many women actually find this position easiest for solo climaxing.
Want your partner to join in on the fun? No problem. This saucy move is easy to add to most rear-entry positions. Try the Leapfrog or Flatiron. Steamy.
Can’t figure it out? Picture this:
Each of our Best Sex Positions Ever comes recommended by some of the best experts out there. Here’s a full listing of our panel’s credentials: April Masini (author of Think and Date Like a Man) ; Rebecca Rosenblat (sex therapist and the author of Seducing Your Man) ; Dr Sandor Gardos (sex therapist and founder of MyPleasure.com, an online site that provides adult toys and education) ; Dr Yvonne K Fulbright (Women’s Health US sex and relationships advisor) ; Dr Scott Haltzman (author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men: Eight Ways to Win Your Wife’s Heart Forever).
Ready for round two? Try more of our best sex positions ever.
Lie down on your stomach and, keeping your legs straight, spread them slightly. Rest your arms by your side, or stretch them out in front of you. Have your guy stretch his body over yours, resting on his elbows so he doesn’t place all his weight on you. He then positions his legs outside your legs. As he enters you, close your legs and cross them at the ankles.
Why You’ll Love It
With your legs clenched and your ankles crossed, you can feel the entire length of your man’s member and grip it tight, creating loads of feel-good friction as he thrusts deep. While you’re rocking randily, have him reach under you and play with your breasts, or brush his lips against your neck and nibble on your earlobe. Though this move offers megasensation, there isn’t a lot of motion, so it’s a prime pose for guys hoping to hold off on climaxing.
Get the full benefit of the intense carnal contact and really savor the weight of his body, the feel of his chest, legs, arms, breath . . . To make this connection even steamier, pump your booty back and forth into his hips as he’s thrusting for some dual action.
Get our updated edition of The Cosmo Kama Sutra: 77 Mind-Blowing Sex Positions, now!
When you work your butt off all day, sometimes you feel pretty tapped out by the time you see your S.O. And even though you’re committed to your relationship, you can’t be “on” all the time—and that includes in the bedroom.
Let’s get real: Sometimes you want to have sex but you just don’t want to put a ton of effort into it. That’s perfectly normal, says Kat Van Kirk, Ph.D., a certified sex therapist and the resident relationship/sex expert at AdamandEve.com. “It is very unlikely that you’re going to feel high-energy every time you want to have sex,” she says. “Sometimes ‘good-enough’ sex is enough. You still get the physiological and emotional benefits from lazy sex.”
Rachel Needle, Psy.D., a sex therapist and licensed psychologist at the Center for Marital and Sexual Health of South Florida, agrees. “You can be tired and horny at the same time,” she says. “There is nothing wrong with simple sex positions for when you are horny or wanting to connect sexually with your partner.” Lazy sex positions can allow you to just relax and enjoy what’s happening without too much pressure (or energy exertion), she says.
Sex expert Jessica O’Reilly, Ph.D., creator of the Sexual Pro Series Webinars, points out that you’re more likely to be tired at the end of the day any way, which is when most couples end up having sex. “Based on my experience with couples all around the world, I think we should spend more time offering advice on lazy/tired sex than on sex moves and positions for the adventurous and energetic,” she says.
With that in mind, we got experts to share their top positions for those times when you’re feeling frisky but just can’t get it up, energy-wise:
“This is my favorite position because it provides lots of pressure against your pelvic bone, and it doesn’t require much work,” O’Reilly says. To do it, lie on your stomach with your face in the pillow have your partner slide in from behind.
Bending your body over the side of the bed or a couch allows you to prop yourself up, while letting your arms relax and dangle. “The angle can allow for deep penetration and your mind is free to focus on your arousal or any fantasy you choose,” Needle says.
Have your partner cross their legs and then you can sit on top, with your legs wrapped around their body. You can make small, slow movements to get clitoral stimulation while they do the majority of the work, Needle says.
Lay on your back and wrap your legs around your partner’s hips, with your arms around their neck. Let them do all the hard work while you grind your clitoris gently against their pelvic bone, O’Reilly says.
Lay down on your side and spread your legs apart, and have your partner do the same, penetrating you from the side. “This position is great because neither of you need to exert much energy, he gets a great view, and the both of you have hand access to touch and stimulate, especially the clitoris,” Van Kirk says. “Plus you can still easily kiss.”
While doggy-style doesn’t take a ton of effort, you can go even lazier by laying on your stomach with your hips propped up on two pillows while your partner enters from behind, O’Reilly says.
Lay on your side with your partner behind you, allowing them to enter you from behind. “This position not only requires very little physical exertion, but it leaves the front partner’s hands free to explore their own body or their partners,” O’Reilly says. “You can modify it with minimal effort by lifting a leg up to change angles.”
Just lay there
Seriously! “This is one of the positions that you can put as much or as little effort as you want to,” Needle says. “You can just lay there and enjoy the ride.”
Intercourse: Positions 101
Sometimes, whether it’s for fun or to enhance your own pleasure or please a partner, people are interested in exploring different positions during intercourse. Many people are just curious, too, about how a certain position feels or looks.
Experimenting with different positions during sex is an effortless part of sex for some people—it’s simply what they do in bed and happens naturally. For others, they usually prefer a comfortable position or two and trying something new can add a sense of pressure or even self-consciousness for people who haven’t experimented much with different types of intercourse positions.
It’s always important to respect your comfort zone during sex and that of a partner. However, keeping an open mind about positions during intercourse can be a smart strategy for a lifetime of satisfying sex. Whether because of aging, childbirth or even temporary injuries that limit your mobility for a time, how a person likes to have sex is likely to change and trying new positions can be an important part of staying sexually active and satisfied.
Table of Contents
- Tips for deep penetration that satisfies both partners.
- Positions that increase the odds of an intercourse orgasm for women.
- Intercourse positions to stimulate the G-spot.
- Adventurous intercourse positions.
- Why some men enjoy rear-entry during intercourse.
Tips for deep penetration that satisfies both partners.
Bodies fit together in different ways. A position that was enjoyable with one partner may be less enjoyable with another, whether because the penis is a different size (or points in a different direction) or the vagina is shorter or longer or differently shaped. Aging, too, can change how we feel in certain positions. Deep penetration in particular can be uncomfortable or even painful for many women. Many men enjoy positions that “go deep,” since these may allow for the most thrusting, are likely to stimulate the entire length of the penis and, as a result, may offer intense or varied stimulation.
Usually, there are a few easy adjustments that a couple can make to keep sex satisfying, but also comfortable, for both partners. Shifting the focus to arousal and enjoyment is a good first step. When a woman is maximally aroused before intercourse, she benefits from a vaginal tenting process, in which muscular contractions pull the cervix farther back into the body, lengthening the vaginal canal. The penis hitting the cervix is usually what causes pain during deep penetration (though some women like cervical stimulation).
So, focus on foreplay and consider modifying your position if intercourse is still uncomfortable. Woman-on-top may be a particularly useful position for couples struggling with uncomfortable sex, since it allows a woman to control the depth, angle and rhythm of penetration. Missionary is also good—a woman can control the depth by keeping her legs flat and closer together, then widening her legs or raising her knees as arousal increases, or as she feels comfortable accepting more of her partner into her body. Another compromise is to spend some time in positions that allow for deeper penetration, so long as it’s not too uncomfortable or painful, and then switch to a position that feels good to both of you.
Positions that increase the odds of an intercourse orgasm for women.
Just one-third of women regularly reach orgasm during intercourse. Another third need added direct stimulation of the clitoral glans and the final one-third find it’s easier to orgasm from other types of sexual activity, whether manual or oral stimulation, sex toys or other types of sex play, or have trouble reaching orgasm at all.
Many intercourse positions do not directly stimulate the clitoral glans. If a woman is able to reach orgasm through other types of stimulation (such as masturbation, hand stimulation or cunnilingus), but not during intercourse, adding some direct clitoral stimulation to intercourse may be helpful. A woman or her partner can use one or two fingers to rub the clitoral glans during intercourse. A small vibrator works well, too, especially bullet vibrators that can be attached to a penis ring for hands-free stimulation (and some secondary vibration for him).
Certain positions can increase clitoral stimulation, too, like the CAT or woman-on-top, especially if a woman leans towards her partner’s face while on top. Still, some women (up to 30 percent) simply don’t orgasm during intercourse. If you’re one of them, move on to other activities like oral or manual stimulation. Some women just don’t orgasm from intercourse, and it has nothing to do with how much they’re enjoying themselves or a partner’s penis size or skill in bed. Then there are women who can orgasm during intercourse but prefer to orgasm from other types of stimulation. And, too, not all women are concerned about whether or not they orgasm during sex. If you have difficulty having an orgasm, try to focus on the other types of sexual activity that bring you pleasure and if the lack of orgasm bothers you, make a visit to a healthcare provider and/or sex therapist to discuss it.
Intercourse positions to stimulate the G-spot.
Every woman’s vagina is different, including where she might or might not find her G-spot. So, too, is every man’s penis different, in terms of its length and also which direction it points, which varies from one man to the next and also as a function of age. (As a rule, a man’s penis points slightly lower as he ages.)
As a result, stimulating the G-spot during intercourse may take some exploration, which can work to a couple’s advantage, so long as they’re not attached to the idea of finding the G-spot.
Positions that increase the likelihood of finding the G-spot include those that shallowly stimulate the top wall of the vagina (the side closest to the belly button). The G-spot is usually located within a couple of inches of the vaginal opening, though women and their partners may find other pleasurable spots elsewhere.
Woman-on-top is great for allowing a woman to lean forward or back, as well as try Reverse Cowgirl, to see if a certain angle hits the spot. The CAT can be very good for G-spot stimulation, as can The Right Angle, which is basically missionary with a pillow propped underneath a woman’s hips. Couples also might want to try Facedown Rear-Entry, in which a woman laying flat face-down on the bed, while he enters her from behind, again experimenting with depth and angle of penetration.
Adventurous intercourse positions.
Trying new positions during intercourse is a common way that many couples change up a sexual repertoire. And while it can be fun if both partners are on board, positions that are too adventurous can cause some people anxiety, self-consciousness or even laughter (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing!).
If you want to try something new, check out our list of positions . It’s always best to approach a partner gently with any type of sexual request. Make sure you express how much you care about him or her and that you are happy with your sex life, and are simply curious about or interested in trying something new. Approach it with a fun, lighthearted attitude and see what happens. Also, keep in mind that new positions often take some getting used to. Acrobatic sexual positions in particular aren’t always conducive to orgasm, since one or both people aren’t as relaxed as they might be in more familiar positions, both mentally and physically. You can try a new position for the novelty, without expectation of performance or orgasm, and either stay in it or move in and out of it to then go on to try something new.
Why some men enjoy rear-entry during intercourse.
Some women feel uncomfortable or perhaps offended when a partner wants to have sex in the Rear-Entry position. It may be that rear-entry sex feels too dominant or impersonal, or it may simply feel too animalistic.
If a woman has these concerns, she should consider talking about these concerns with a partner. Chances are, she’ll discover her anxieties are completely unfounded and that her partner enjoys rear-entry because it feels good for him. Entering a woman from behind offers a different kind of stimulation for a man, mainly deeper penetration that allows for more thrusting, without the need to prop himself up (which can be tiring) as he may in missionary.
Of course, if a guy always wants to have rear-entry sex or is resistant to including other positions, it’s likely other issues are at work that have little to do with his partner. Sex should always be enjoyable for both partners, so talk about why rear-entry is so enjoyable and how it can be part of your sex life, but not all of it.
Sex is amazing. Most of us love the idea of sex. While sex is mostly pleasurable, today we are going to talk about its downsides. Science has told us a lot of things over the years like gin drinkers are psychopaths, running is contagious and nice folks have more sex.
Another thing that Science claims are the dangers of having sex the wrong way. Many a time, there are cases of things going really really wrong while having sex. So wrong that just the imagery of it in the head hurts. Ouch!
Here are some sex positions that are dangerous and can lead to dire consequences, if not done properly.
1. Doggy style
The Position: A person bends over, crouches on all fours (usually on hands and knees), or lies on their abdomen, for sexual intercourse.
Why It’s Risky: If penetration is done forcefully at the wrong angle, there may be vaginal tearing. So adjusting the positioning is important. Often if the positioning is wrong, the penis can go into the anus, which was not prepared for it and lead to anal tearing as well.
2. Oral Sex
The Position: This sexual activity involves the stimulation of the genitalia of a person by another person using the mouth (including the lips, tongue or teeth) or throat.
Why It’s Risky: Apparently, oral sex (also called 69) can result in pink eye. A study done in 2007, published in the International Journal of STD and AIDS, suggested that 9% of people studied were infected with chlamydial conjunctivitis after their partner ejaculated into their eye. Also there are several risks associated with oral sex. It can get riskier if you or your partner have mouth ulcers, gum infections or genital sores.
3. Reverse Cowgirl
The Position: This sex position involves intercourse with the female on top, facing away from her partner. Regular Cowgirl is a woman on top, facing her lover.
Why It’s Risky: According to a study published in Advances in Urology, a woman on top was potentially the riskiest sexual position causing penile fractures and reverse cowgirl, specifically, triggered the majority of “cracks” to the penis.
The Position: This sex position involves a female who lies on her back with the male on top and with his face opposite hers.
Why It’s Risky: If the woman has a short vaginal canal, she might suffer from severe cervical bruising or other abrasions from deep thrusts. Also, the penis rubbing against the urethra can cause urinary tract infections.
5. Counter Top Sex or The Eager Chef
The Position: This sex position involves a female sitting on a buffet while the guy stands on his toes in front of her. The sex is spontaneous.
Why It’s Risky: There have been instances when the guy’s penis completely missed the target and his penis ran right into the counter, according to Justin Lehmiller of Harvard University.
6. The Swiss Ball Blitz
The Position: The penetrating partner is seated on the ball with the feet on the floor. The receiving partner faces away from the seated partner, backs up and sits in the lap of the giving partner.
Why It’s Risky: This position might add some bounce to your thrusts, but there are chances that while the penis comes fully out of the vagina and then goes back in, the penis might break. This is because the Swiss ball creates an unusual amount of up and down inertia, too much oomph could lead to your penis slipping out of your girl just before gravity and momentum bring her full weight crashing back down on the guy.
7. The Pogo Stick
The Position: The man holds up the female’s weight entirely and bending her backwards to facilitate the old in-and-out, and bouncing her up and down on the penis.
Why It’s Risky: This activity may lead to back pain or strains for the guy. Also, one could topple if your footing is unsure and the woman might just be dropped while this happens.
8. The Butter Churner
The Position: In this advanced sex position, the woman lies on her back with her legs raised above and behind her head. The man then squats and penetrates her from above. The thrusting motion in this position is similar to making butter in an old fashioned butter churner, which is how this position gets its name. The woman’s head is positioned lower than her heart in this position so the blood often rushes to her head, which can lead to a more intense orgasm.
Why It’s Risky: Men, in this situation, must be cautious in this position, as vigorous thrusting could cause neck injuries. This position also requires some spinal flexibility.
9. The Lap Dance
The Position: The man sits on the chair and the woman sits on the man.
Why It’s Risky: There are chances that the woman might fall off the man and bust her head open. This can actually happen. So, better be prepped up with some serious pole dancing techniques.
10. The Randy Raft
The Position: This one involves climbing onto a raft in shallow water, and lying on your stomach with your butt and legs dangling over the edge. The man then grabs the thighs and pushes in like a wheelbarrow, entering the woman. He can then pull her incredibly close for the deepest possible penetration.
Why It’s Risky: If you can’t swim, this is probably a good position to avoid forever.
11. Fondling With Boobs
The Position: This sexual activity involves the stimulation of breasts by gripping, pinching, clamping, biting, sucking or otherwise stimulating the nipple.
Why It’s Risky: If not done right, there are chances of penile fractures, not just with the pelvic bone, but when guys are in the process of trying to give a pearl necklace. Sometimes, because of too much force against the woman’s sternum, the penis might get fractured. If you’re not using any lube, the friction can cause some problems, too.
Which of these have you tried? Tell us your sex-gone-wrong stories.
How to have vaginal sex
- During vaginal sex the penis goes into the vagina.
- Foreplay is important. It gets you both sexually aroused and ready for penetrative sex. It makes vaginal sex more enjoyable for both partners.
- Having vaginal sex without using a condom puts you and your partner at risk of unplanned pregnancy, contracting HIV and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
- Put a condom on an erect penis before it touches or enters the vagina.
- Discussing safer sex is an important part of having sex.
Sex can be a lot of fun and very pleasurable, but it’s also normal to have questions and worries. You might be thinking about having sex for the first time and are not sure where to start. Or maybe you want more information on how to make it pleasurable and safe?
Whatever your situation here are answers to some common questions about vaginal sex.
What is vaginal sex?
During vaginal sex (also known as penetrative vaginal sex, vaginal intercourse, sexual intercourse and just sex) the penis goes into the vagina.
How do you have vaginal sex?
There is no one right way of having vaginal sex, but there are a few things that you should think about before you do it.
It’s important that both people are enthusiastic about having sex and that no one is feeling pressured or forced into doing anything they don’t want to do. Asking your partner and continuing to communicate as you progress is the best way to make sure you have their consent. It should also help make the experience more pleasurable for you both.
Vaginal sex works best when both partners are aroused. This is why foreplay is important.
What is foreplay?
Foreplay (sometimes called heavy petting) is about getting both people sexually aroused (or turned on) and ready for penetrative sex, through kissing, stroking, caressing, rubbing and touching. Sometimes people also have oral sex as part of foreplay. The more aroused you both are, the better sex is likely to feel.
You’ll often know you’re getting aroused from certain physical signs:
- for women, the vagina begins to moisten
- men get an erection, which means their penis will get bigger and harden.
Foreplay should be enjoyable for both partners and you may choose to not go any further than this stage. Many couples enjoy having foreplay for a long time before they move on to having vaginal sex.
If you are both ready to have vaginal sex, the arousal created through foreplay will help the penis enter the vagina more easily.
We spent ages on foreplay, kissing, fingering and lots of oral as it was both of our first times. When we did decide to have sex, we used a condom and lots of lube and he was very gentle, kept asking me if he was hurting me and how I felt. It did hurt a bit, but not as much as I was expecting.
When should I put on a condom?
Once you are both aroused and ready to have sex you can put on a male condom. This can be done by you or your partner. You can only put a condom on an erect penis and you should do this before the penis touches or enters the vagina.
If you are using a female condom it can be put in up to eight hours before sex.
How do you get the penis into the vagina?
When you are ready, it helps if one of you uses your hand to gently guide the penis into the vagina. Take your time, and don’t worry if it takes a few goes to guide it in properly – this is very normal, especially when you are both getting used to each other’s bodies.
Once the penis is inside, you can move your bodies so that the penis pushes into the vagina and then pulls partly out again. Do what comes naturally and feels good – being slow and gentle is a good idea to start with so you can make sure you are both comfortable.
He was very slow and rather than just pushing into me hard and fast, he took his time making sure I got used to his penis being inside me. He repeatedly asked me if I was ok or wanted him to stop. I told him no and I only felt slightly uncomfortable at first but then when he had fully entered me it felt amazing. He was slow and sensual.
Remember that you can pause or stop at any point you want, the same is true for your partner. Just because you have started something doesn’t mean you need to continue – stopping is actually very normal. If you are not feeling comfortable with what you are doing you have the right to stop! If your partner wants to stop respect their wishes.
Will it hurt – and will the woman bleed?
It can take a bit of time to get used to the sensation of sex, and some women can find it a little uncomfortable or painful at first. However, the pain should not be intense and if at any time the pain is too strong then you should stop. Taking things slowly, making sure the woman is fully aroused and using a good water-based lubrication (oil-based lubricants like massage oils or Vaseline can cause a condom to break) can help penetration feel more comfortable.
If it’s a woman’s first time having sex she may bleed a little. This is generally nothing to worry about. Though it’s perfectly normal to bleed the first time you have sex, it’s also perfectly normal not to bleed.
If you continue to bleed every time you have sex then it’s a good idea to speak to a healthcare professional to check it’s nothing to worry about.
What is the best position for vaginal sex?
There is no one best position and different people will enjoy different things. One common position involves the woman lying down, with the man lying or sitting on top (also called the ‘missionary position’).
However there are many different possible positions, the woman can be on top, – or you can both lie on your sides. You don’t have to be facing each other – some people like having vaginal sex from behind – meaning the woman’s back is turned towards the man.
It is easiest to choose a position you both feel comfortable with and one that you can get into easily if you are having sex for the first time. As you get to know each other’s bodies better, you can experiment with different positions and work out what you both like.
After a while you might find certain movements, positions and ways of touching that lead to one or both of you having an orgasm (also called ‘coming’ or ‘climaxing’). Don’t be too concerned if this doesn’t happen straight away or even at all. It takes time to get to know what works for you sexually – and for your partner – and sex can be enjoyable whether you climax or not.
You may want to experiment with sex toys, or having anal sex and oral sex as well as vaginal sex. Remember that if you do move from anal sex to vaginal sex you should put on a new condom to make sure you do not infect the vagina with bacteria.
What are the risks of pregnancy, STIs and HIV from vaginal sex?
Having vaginal sex without using a condom, even if it’s your first time, means you run the risk of an unwanted pregnancy, and puts you and your partner at risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) including HIV.
If you’ve had unprotected sex make sure you seek healthcare advice as soon as possible. You’ll be able to access emergency contraception to prevent unwanted pregnancy, and if you are worried that you have been exposed to HIV, you can take post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP) to prevent HIV infection.
While there are many different options for contraception, only condoms will protect you and your partner from sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and HIV. Talking to your partner about protection before you start having sex will help things go more smoothly. Being safe will help you both feel more relaxed and make sex more enjoyable.
Though you might find bringing up the subject of safer sex embarrassing, it’s an important part of having sex. If you find it too difficult to discuss using protection then it could be a sign that you aren’t ready to start having sex just yet. That’s fine – remember that there are lots of ways to enjoy being together and to explore your sexual feelings until the time is right.
Deciding whether to have sex is a very personal thing. The main things to consider are whether it feels right, and whether you and your partner are both sure. Our article ‘Am I ready for sex?’ will help you think about this.
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