When you’re close to orgasm, there’s nothing worse than a ringing phone or a crying kid in the next room or an awkward sex position abruptly ruining the moment. Suddenly sliding away from that peak is disappointing, to say the least. That’s doubly true for women, many of whom find it much harder to achieve orgasm during penetrative sex. In fact, according to a recent survey, only 65 percent of heterosexual women consistently reach the pinnacle of pleasure during sex.

So what can you do to help her reach that peak? Help her relax, says sex therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D. “Studies show that in order for a woman to achieve orgasm, the part of her brain associated with stress, emotion, and anxiety has to shut down,” he says. Translation: if you make a woman feel so good that she completely forgets about everything else, then you’re highly likely to give her an orgasm.

Of course, every woman is different, so what one woman loves in bed another woman might loathe. That said, there are a few moves that do tend to work — so if your partner is having trouble getting to the finish line, try these tips from real women and sexual health experts.


1) Get to know the clitoris.

First things first: the vast majority of women require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, period. In fact, a study of more than 1,000 women in 2017 revealed that only 18 percent of ladies can orgasm through vaginal intercourse alone. So when you’re having sex, you want to spend as much time stimulating her clitoris as possible.

Some sex positions make it easier to do this than others. Rachel* reveals this trick: “When a guy is on top of you in the missionary position, have him shift his body slightly forward so that, every time he thrusts, his penis rubs against your clitoris.” This tactic is even more orgasmic if the woman’s legs are together and the man’s are straddling her, says Ellen Friedrichs, M.A., an adjunct professor of human sexuality at Rutgers University. You can achieve the same effect when she’s on top by propping yourself up on your elbows, which places your abdomen in closer contact with her clitoris.

2) Pay more attention to her butt.

Unless anal is on the menu, too often a woman’s butt is sidelined during sex. And that’s a shame, because “the buttocks are packed with nerve endings,” says Gilda Carle, Ph.D., a sex therapist in New York City. “To give her a surprising jolt of pleasure, spread your fingers wide and squeeze both buttocks.”

That said, be gentle, and take it one step at a time. Yes, of course, there are women out there who crave a good spanking, but until you’ve had a conversation about this sort of thing, just keep it simple and light.

3) Learn what she likes — and follow her lead

As we mentioned above, direct clitoral stimulation is the most surefire way to bring many women to orgasm — and oral sex is a pretty good way of going about that. “Going down on a woman allows you to get a real sense of the stimulation she likes at every stage of arousal, especially the final one,” says Kerner.

To find out more about what she likes and doesn’t like, let her take the lead. When you’re giving her oral sex, get between her legs and give her a solid base of lips, tongue, and even chin to rub against. At first, use your hands to guide her hips to let her know you want her to do the grinding. When she takes over, note how hard she’s pushing and in what direction. Use that information later when using your fingers or mouth to please her.

4) Don’t stop kissing her.

Once things get more heated, you might be tempted to focus less on kissing in favor of more X-rated pleasures. But deep kissing is a must for female orgasm, according to a 2017 survey of more than 50,000 adults. The findings revealed that women were much more likely to reach orgasm if their sexual encounter included a combination of deep kissing, oral sex and genital stimulation.

5) Lube up.

No matter how hot and heavy you guys are getting, without adequate lubrication, it’s easy for sex to become uncomfortable or even painful for her. “Lubrication increases the comfort and speed with which you can penetrate the vagina and grind against the clitoris,” says Friedrichs. “But sometimes, no matter how turned on a woman might be psychologically, she can have trouble getting wet.”

In fact, studies have shown that sex is more enjoyable for women when they use even moderate amounts of lube. And here’s another fun fact: Men who add extra lubrication to their condoms during intercourse tend to last longer in bed, according to research published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine. Try squirting a few drops of lube onto the end of your penis; then thrust with short, rhythmic strokes while pressing your body against her pubic mound. (We love uberlube, $28, buy here.)

6) Focus on her neck.

Our necks are highly responsive touch pads: the skin is thin there, and the blood vessels are close to the surface. So it’s not surprising that researchers have found that the neck is one of the best places to stimulate a woman using light touch (so no hickeys, please).

When you’re having sex and she’s clearly moving toward orgasm, brush your lips from her collarbone to her jaw, then give her neck soft, warm kisses to drive her wild.

7) Don’t be afraid to talk dirty.

In the heat of the moment, a string of well-chosen four-letter words can work wonders.

“Nothing makes me hotter than when he describes what he’s doing to me in explicit language,” says my friend Lana. “But I’m picky—there are certain terms that drive me wild, and others that make me cringe.”

Test the waters by “complimenting her or talking about how good what doing feels,” advises Friedrichs. If she responds with “Oh, yeah” or a similarly enthusiastic phrase, she wants more.

If you’re hesitant, a simple compliment about how attractive you find your partner will do the trick. “You don’t have to tell or make pornographic sounds, but saying something specific about me is sexy while we’re in bed is perfect,” says Emily.

8) Break out the toys.

If your partner never hits her high note, no matter now hard you try, it might be time to enlist the help of sex toys. In fact, she’ll probably be more than happy to pull out the Hitachi Magic Wand from her bedside drawer: more than 50 percent of women use vibrators to help them achieve orgasm, according to a 2009 study.

Hold the vibrator against her clitoris as you move from one position to another and enjoy the show. Just remember to ask her preferences about pressure and speed: you don’t want to start too fast and heavy right off the bat.

9) Ask her what she wants.

This might sound obvious, but asking your partner exactly what makes her hot is the best way to help her orgasm. In fact, studies have shown that people who are more comfortable talking about sex have better sex, because they feel less anxious during intercourse. Discussing her fantasies, preferences, and turn-offs (without judgement) will make her feel more comfortable — which will, in turn, lead to both of you having incredible orgasms.

*Last names have been withheld to allow subjects to speak freely on private matters.

Nicole Beland Nicole Beland is Nicole Beland is a freelance journalist living in New York. Melissa Matthews Health Writer Melissa Matthews is the Health Writer at Men’s Health, covering the latest in food, nutrition, and health.

Struggling to hit the high notes in the bedroom and hoping to reach orgasm at the same time as your other half? Or perhaps you’re looking for tips to help your female partner climax when you do? Either way, the fact you’re asking this question at all is a good start!

Great sex is all about experimentation, communication and fun, and if something isn’t quite hitting the spot, the best way to boost your sex life and quadruple your chances of achieving mind-blowing orgasms is trial and error.

Therapist, broadcaster and health writer Christine Webber explains how to find the best positions to get you (or your female partner) coming like a steam train:

The female orgasm uncovered

If you’re a woman who finds climaxing easy and can have orgasms during intercourse with little effort – even in a position where it’s difficult for your partner to access the clitoris with the fingertips – then you are very lucky indeed!

For the majority of us, ‘ringing that bell’ is not nearly so simple. Even women who can masturbate to a climax with no difficulty can feel quite anxious about ‘coming’ with a male partner.

The female Vs the male orgasm

This doesn’t seem fair, because apart from the small minority of men who have psychological difficulties with sex and who cannot relax enough to ejaculate into their partner, most males have no problem at all in climaxing during sexual intercourse.

But of course, in a man, the penis is the pleasure-provider. And clearly a penis gets a lot of stimulation during intercourse.

Women, as you probably know, get their pleasurable feelings mostly from the clitoris.

Women, as you probably know, get their pleasurable feelings mostly from the clitoris – which is the bit of them that would have turned into a penis had they developed into a baby boy in the womb, instead of into a girl.

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How to double click your mouse

For that reason, most women need the clitoris to be stimulated during sex – and in many positions this simply doesn’t happen. Now, please don’t feel bad if you’d never really realised this before, because you are not alone.

In my consulting room, I’ve seen many successful women – including lawyers, bankers and TV presenters – who were quite unaware of what it takes for most women to climax and who, as a result, had spent ages blaming themselves and feeling inadequate. But the truth is that:

  • Most women have to learn how to orgasm.
  • The majority of women do not climax through ‘no hands’ intercourse.

So, how do you learn to climax? Read on…

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The importance of masturbation

If you’re having trouble in reaching climax, the best thing you can do is to start by learning how to orgasm on your own through masturbation. Once you can climax easily on your own, you’ll find it much easier to have really exciting times with a partner.

Once you can climax easily on your own, you’ll find it much easier to have really exciting times with a partner.

But even if you are the queen of masturbatory techniques, you might still find it tough to climax during full sex, and this will almost certainly be because your clitoris is not getting sufficient attention.

Here are four sex positions to try with a partner that might help you to enjoy intercourse more and to have fulfilling orgasms at the same time.

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1. The CAT position

Basically this is a face-to-face position, but the man ‘rides much higher’ than he would in the missionary position so that his shoulders and head are about six inches higher up the bed than normal.

What this means is that his penis doesn’t go all the way into the vagina. Instead, the stem or root of it is pulled hard against the clitoris – producing great sensations in that all-important little organ.

🐱 CAT stands for Coital Adjusted Technique, but don’t let that technical and boring title put you off!

The other difference is that instead of taking his weight on his elbows, the man should simply let his bulk rest on his partner’s upper chest. Clearly if he’s a heavy bloke, this might be a problem!

You can experiment with this position to get it absolutely right for you. Some people do it with the man’s legs outside the woman, but you can also try it with his legs inside yours.

Many couples find they can’t thrust much in this position so they kind of ‘rock’ together. The CAT certainly produces very different sensations from many other positions, so it’s worth a try, and it might just take you to the heights of ecstasy. I hope it does.

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2. The free-as-air position

The man lies down on his back. The woman faces the other way and sits down on his penis. Then, in her own time, she gradually lowers herself so that – with his penis inside her – her back is lying fully outstretched on the front of his body.

The woman can feel genuinely weightless and free-as-air – which is quite a novel sensation. Another bonus is that either partner can touch the clitoris easily. So it’s different and fun – and usually a great time is had by all.

4 orgasmic sex toys for women 💋

Silencer Whisper Quiet Classic


Mains Powered Magic Wand


Rechargeable Clitoral Vibrator


Tracey Cox Mini Rabbit Vibrator


3. The Pinner position

This is a particularly good position if you feel nervous about touching your own clitoris. You shouldn’t be of course because it’s yours – and you should feel perfectly free to stimulate it yourself if you want to.

But the thing about this position is that many men can’t really tell if you are touching your clitoris or not.

💟 How to do the Pinner position:

✔️ You lie flat on your front and he lies, face down, on top of you. He then penetrates you from behind.

✔️ But because you are flat on the bed, you get very different sensations from any rear-entry position where your bottom is up in the air.

✔️ And you can slip your hand in between the bed and your body and rub your own clitoris.

✔️ Plenty of women who have never ‘come’ during intercourse have found that they climaxed in the Pinner position.

4. The spoons position

Then there’s ‘the spoons’. This is the position where you lie on your side and your man lies curled up round your bottom (like spoons in a drawer) and penetrates you from behind.

Lots of women like this, though not all of them find it easy to orgasm on their sides. But the great advantage here is that either partner can reach down and rub the clitoris. Also, neither of you is having to take the weight of the other.

The right way to have sex

There is no right or wrong way to have sex with a partner. Every couple has to experiment to find out what works for them.

But I hope that trying out these positions will be fun – and that they may help you to have an exciting and orgasmic time.

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Last updated: 16-10-19

Dr Juliet McGrattan (MBChB) Dr Juliet McGrattan Dr Juliet McGrattan spent 16 years as a GP, two years as a Clinical Champion for Physical Activity for Public Health England and is the Women’s Health Lead for the 261 Fearless global running network. Her award winning book, Sorted: The Active Woman’s Guide to Health was published by Bloomsbury in 2017.

These Two New Toys Are Orgasm Game Changers

The hi will do it to you without touching your skin

And then there’s the hi® massage technology, a massager that hit the market a hot second ago. Like the Womanizer, I was skeptical at first glance — how was this thing going to give me an orgasm by massaging the outside of my pelvis?

The device was invented by Dr. Steve McGough with the intent to relieve his wife’s post-emergency C-section pain. Designed to mimic a vigorous massage technique on the lower abdomen, it just so happens to also induce orgasm in record time.

When applied above the pubic bone, it releases a G-spot-like orgasm without ever touching skin. The record is 12 orgasms in 20 minutes (!!!!!), McGough tells me. It took me some time to find my sweet spot — my pleasure is very clit-stim-focused; and the idea of being fully clothed while coming threw me off. Still, the hi delivered a quickie on demand.

Get acquainted with your body and learn your technique

Starting out with high-quality toys like the Womanizer or the hi is the perfect way to practice and eventually figure out exactly what needs to happen to push you over the edge. Memorize the sensations the toys are giving you. Take note of the placement of the stimulators, everything. After you get yourself off a few times, mix things up. Use the toys at different times of day, during different moods, and even in rapid succession to see if you can produce multiple orgasms.

Once you’ve determined what goes where, for how long, and with how much pressure (and have figured out how to go from zero to 100 in 60 seconds flat), it’s time to do it manually. Because sure, your partner may dig the toys. But you knowing how to make this happen with your (or a partner’s) hands? Let’s just say it’s nice to be able to MacGyver an orgasm in any setting and with any tools or lack thereof.

Practice, practice, practice

To get things off to a strong start, you need two things: a high-quality lube, and a deep understanding of what gets you in the mood fast. This can be a favorite porno, a steamy sex scene from a novel, straight-up fantasizing… dealer’s choice. With your arsenal ready, work at recreating the sensations you got from your toys with your bare hands.

The clitoris is undoubtedly going to steal the spotlight for this exercise, as the sensory epicenter is your main line to orgasm — so you’d be wise to get good and acquainted with it. The nub sticking out at the top of your vulva is the head of your clit; while the G-spot (about an inch and a half inside your vagina, toward your belly button) is the back. Focus on both and you’re well on your way.

“Clitoral stimulation… is probably more likely to work than vaginal insertion,” Queen says, “solely because so many women are more easily orgasmic clitorally than vaginally. But someone who is this turned on and easily orgasmic may well be more vaginally orgasmic than the average gal. So there’s that.”

With that in mind, focus on G-spot stimulation while rubbing the clit. Check out different levels of pressure, different speeds, and rubbing against something (pillow, corner of your bed) while stimulating your G-spot. Experiment with being on your back, your belly, your side. It might take a few tries, it might take weeks, but I promise it will be the most fun kind of practice you’ve ever done. And once you perfect your technique, you can take it right to your partner. Now, the two of you can work together to ensure you never have to fake or otherwise miss out on another orgasm, ever again.

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10 Tips to Improve Your Chances of Orgasming

We are so pleased to share the following article from Dr. Christian Jessen, the host of Channel 4’s hit program, Embarrassing Bodies.

According to Dr Christian Jessen: “Anorgasmia is a very real condition which, simply put, means that you’re unable to orgasm. A recent study in the journal of sexual medicine found that women only orgasm 63 per cent of the time with a familiar partner, compared with 85 per cent of men. But if you are struggling to climax, fear not, because there are ways to boost your chances”.


Dr Jessen says: “Masturbation is key when it comes to being comfortable with our genitals and our sexual responsiveness. If you struggle to enjoy these sensations on your own it’s likely you’ll struggle even more with a partner. Studies have shown that women who once struggled to orgasm during sex in the missionary position were far more likely to after they were encouraged to try a little solo love. Grab a mirror and explore yourself, which will make it easier to give the right hints to your partner.”


“According to information from the American Sociological Review, the likelihood of achieving orgasm during vaginal intercourse increased by 18 percent if the woman also stimulated herself by hand and by nine percent if she received oral sex before intercourse. Everyone’s different so find what works for you.”


“The biggest mood killer in the bedroom is a lack of communication. Don’t assume your partner is a mind reader who will instinctively know exactly which of your buttons to push. Be direct and tell them exactly what you’d like for them to do.”


“One recent survey found that women had just a 32 per cent chance of climaxing with a partner they’d never had sex with before. And that figure jumped up to 51 per cent if they were sleeping with a partner they’d been intimate with up to six times in the past.” One night stands also call for better safe sex, that’s where LELO HEX comes to play.


“Some people experience what’s called ‘spectatoring’ during sex. That happens when we ‘fall out’ of the moment, as you lie there and instead think negative thoughts, such as, ‘Do I look fat in this position?’ or you start worrying about work stress and deadlines instead. Try to live in the moment and focus on the here and now. And if you really can’t concentrate because you’ve more pressing things at hand, delay lovemaking until you’ve got a clear head.”


“Most women require clitoral stimulation during intercourse to orgasm, and that contact doesn’t happen with every sexual position. Try lots of different positions to find one that works for you.”


“According to research scientists at Indiana University, women actually experience better orgasms with age. As far as the findings go, 61 percent of women ages 18 to 24 report having had an orgasm the last time they had sex, while 65 percent of women in their 30s and 70 percent of women in their 40s and 50s reported the same (…) In addition, older women are more sexually experienced, therefore better knowing their body’s actions, reactions and pleasure points.”


“Doing so-called Kegel exercises strengthen the pelvic floor and lead to stronger vaginal muscles, which in turn leads to more intense―and more regular―orgasms” An easy way to stimulate your pelvic floor, LELO suggests, is to use a pleasure training system such as LUNA Smart Bead or LUNA Beads.

Dr Jessen also highlights the importance of staying healthy to ensure the blood flows to the genitals “Quit smoking, eat well, stretch and take part in cardiovascular exercises which strengthen the heart muscles, such as running, swimming or riding a bike.”


“By varying your breathing intake from slow and deep to short and shallow, you can actually boost sexual arousal and improve your chances of orgasming.”


“While a drink may make you most adventurous, it won’t actually improve sex. The ethanol in alcohol has been shown to reduce organ sensitivity and arousal while also reduction lubrication in women, which will clearly hinder an orgasm.”

Helping Women Learn How to Have an Orgasm

Source: Google Images

As a sex therapist in private practice, I have come to understand that for many women, orgasm is a satisfying aspect of both sexuality as well as personal growth.

Often women come to see a sex therapist wanting to learn how to have an orgasm while simultaneously feeling like failures because the sexual techniques they have tried haven’t resulted in having the Big O.

Learning to achieve orgasm involves your attitudes, thoughts, and feelings both about yourself and your body.

Currently, about 15-20% of women have never achieved orgasm. Many factors play into why women experience difficulty achieving orgasm including sexual values and attitudes including upbringing, religion, negative feelings about being sexual, experienced sexual trauma, negative body image, your feelings about your partner or your feelings about yourself. Also, many medications can interfere with the body’s natural ability to orgasm. Have a talk with your doctor if you are on any medications and having trouble achieving orgasm.

The following is a four-step program I use with women to help them learn how to achieve orgasm and have a happy and healthy sex life.

Step 1. Understanding Your Sexual Self

  • Learn about feelings and attitudes regarding sex.
  • Understand how your childhood shaped your beliefs about sex.
  • Connect what your religious beliefs taught you about being sexual.
  • Discuss what is normal and healthy for a sexual relationship while dating and during marriage.
  • Understand birth control, STDs, and sex for pleasure vs. sex for conception.
  • Use a hand mirror to look at your genitals.
  • Review visual aids of women’s genitalia and the DVD “Becoming Orgasmic” to begin to normalize female sexuality.

Step One helps connect women with their thoughts and feelings about the role of orgasm in their lives.

Step 2. Exploring Yourself Through Touch

  • Set aside 30-60 minutes to begin the touching exercise.
  • You may want to begin by taking a bath or shower, remaining nude, and proceeding to an area that is private. You may include oil, lubricant, or lotion.
  • Begin by touching your body all over, maybe while applying lotion. Focus on how the touch feels and the areas you are concentrating on. Move into touching the outside of your vagina and then the inside of your vagina. Try and think about which areas feel good when you touch them verses which areas just feel the touch.
  • After you finish, exhale a few breaths and think about how touching yourself made you feel and what may have come up for you as a result of doing this exercise.
  • Repeat this 5-15 times before proceeding to the next step. Repetition is the key and desensitizing to touching yourself is important. We want to normalize this behavior so it is coded as being relaxing and stress reducing, not stress producing.

Step Two is all about exploring how your genitals feel when you touch yourself. Learning how to touch yourself just to see where it feels good is a very important aspect of eventually learning how to connect with having an orgasm.

Step 3. Touching for Pleasure

  • Since masturbation is a good way to experience frequent orgasms, it gives the orgasmic response a way to become well-established. Practicing touching and masturbating will also help increase blood flow to your genitals and make it easier to achieve orgasm.
  • This is a good time to mention that masturbation won’t decrease the desire to be sexual with your partner. Instead, it will help you desire to be sexual, because it is a pleasurable experience for you!
  • Work on Cognitive Restructuring Techniques if needed during this step, such as making statements such as: “As a grown woman I deserve to experience natural pleasure” or “Being sexual is a healthy part of being an adult.”
  • During your sexual sessions, try and be attentive to your position and the timing of your session. Using a lubricant and distraction techniques such as reading erotic stories or watching romantic or sexual movies can help with arousal.

Step Three is all about learning where it feels good to touch and beginning to physically touch yourself through masturbation. Its important to know that almost all of the time, women will experience their first orgasm alone verses with a partner. This is because women generally can be more relaxed when their partner isn’t present, and they can have as much time as they need to touch themselves until it feels good without focusing on pleasing a partner.

While many women orgasm with a partner for the first time, I am specifically addressing women who have never orgasmed with a partner and want to learn to have an orgasm. Anxiety is often a part of the problem, so taking a partner out of the mix is helpful for creating a first orgasmic response.

Step 4. Touching for Pleasure, Focusing

  • Begin touching yourself for the purpose of seeing if orgasm can be achieved.
  • Understand that it may take 15, 30, or 45 minutes to achieve an orgasm. Don’t focus on watching the clock.
  • Listen to your self-talk and what you are saying aloud to yourself.
  • Introduce vibrators or sexual stimulation aids if that would be helpful.
  • Think about the use of fantasy, relaxation, and erotic movies or literature to include in this step, as you become orgasmic.

Step Four is all about the finale. By now you have worked through your thoughts and attitudes about orgasm, accepted it as a wonderful part of the sexual pleasure process, and began to learn how to touch yourself to hopefully achieve orgasm.

The final piece of advice is to see a qualified sex therapist if you need or want more support with this process. Sex therapists will work with women individually or with a partner to learn how to incorporate orgasm into the relationship.

Male Multiple Orgasms without Ejaculating: Exactly How to Have Them

Until a few months ago, I was insanely jealous of women.

Between foreplay and sex, a woman can get off 10+ times in a single session, and those orgasms can last 10-20+ seconds.

Guys? We get one 5 second sticky white crotch-sneeze, followed by an intense desire to nap.


But then, a few months ago, I figured out something that blew my load mind…

Not only can guys have multiple orgasms in a single session, they can do it without ejaculating, with no recovery period, and they can have prolonged orgasms that last for over a minute.

‍Just less jizz

It doesn’t take long to figure out either. It only took me a month from discovering this was possible to actually doing it, and I didn’t have this article to guide me like you do.

When I coached a friend on it, he had his first “non-ejaculatory orgasm” in just two weeks.

So if you’re ready to radically change how you think about guy’s sexual pleasure and orgasm… read on.

Also, be sure to download the app Stamena which will help you train yourself to become multi-orgasmic along with this article.

Discovering Multiple Orgasms

I had never even considered the idea until it was mentioned off-hand in a podcast episode between Dave Asprey and Emily Morse.

The conversation went roughly like this:

Dave: In this old Taoist book… it said to limit your orgasm to no longer than 30 minutes.
Emily: A 30 minute orgasm? … Did you try it and make something like that happen?
Dave: The one time I tried, it was more than 8.5 minutes. Your abs hurt a lot, and you’re like, “Could I just stop, please?” Literally, I’ve had enough. Please go away now, which to me was a new experience. There’s all these things that your body can do around that stuff that are not taught anywhere that I know of.

And then… they just went on to something else! I was standing there in my kitchen going “what the fuck? An 8 minute long orgasm? you can do that (directed downwards)?”

Then I forgot about it for a bit… until Tim Ferriss did a podcast where he drunk dialed some of his fans and it came up again:

Guest: Tell me about Tantric sex. How to do it, how to explore it, where to start…

And while Tim said he didn’t like “tantric” or multi-orgasmic sex very much, he mentioned The Multi-Orgasmic Man and “Orgasmic Meditation,” both closely related to what’s called “Tantric sex,” something that Dave had mentioned as well.

Finally, I had somewhere to start my search. But less than 24 hours later… I was pissed off and dissatisfied.

Why? Because if you’re a remotely secular person, then good luck getting through the open-your-heart-chakra mysticism filling the pages of anything about Tantric sex.

There had to be a secular way to figure this out. Enter The Multi-Orgasmic Man. Enter problem #2.

The Multi-Orgasmic Man is the oft-cited source on this subject, but it shouldn’t be. It’s poorly written and at least 2/3 of the book is spent talking about itself instead of giving you something actionable to do.

But, with that research combined, I did ultimately figure out how you can have non-ejaculatory orgasms without any eastern mysticism.

Then with a bit of experimentation, I figured out how you can extend them significantly.

Here’s how.

Four Types of Male Multiple Orgasms

The brief “crotch-sneeze” orgasm I mentioned at the start is what 99% of guys go through their lives experiencing. We’re going to refer to it as an Ejaculatory Orgasm (EO).

You can extend it a few seconds and increase the intensity of it (both through kegel exercises), but it remains limited in duration and you can only have one.

What most men don’t know is that there are three more types of orgasms, which most guys never experience:

  • Non-Ejaculatory Orgasm (NEOs)
  • Prolonged or Peaking Non-Ejaculatory Orgasm (PNEOs)
  • Prostate Orgasm (POs)

What’s special about the other three?

  • More intense. Once you’ve practiced, all three are a more intense sensation than an EO.
  • No refractory period. You can orgasm again and again without having to cool down.
  • They’re looong. A PNEO can last 1, 5, even 10 minutes. Ever been physically exhausted from orgasming? No? Well get ready.

I’m going to cover how you can have your first NEO and PNEO, but just on your own.

Having either during sex and foreplay is 10x harder, but once you can do it on your own, here’s how to have multiple orgasms during sex.

Step One: Ejaculatory Control

Before you can have NEOs and PNEOs, you need to get yourself to a certain level of ejaculatory control.

You should be comfortable masturbating for 10+ minutes with constant stimulation (not having to stop and start a ton of times).

Without that kind of control, you won’t be able to slowly bring yourself up to the point of having an NEO, and you definitely won’t be able to keep yourself right at that threshold.

If you can’t easily do that, start with the article on how to last longer in bed.

Step Two: Kegel Exercises

Having an NEO or PNEO works by getting to the point of orgasm, and then flexing your PC muscle hard enough to block the ejaculate from actually escaping.

But most men have a weak PC muscle, even if they can normally last a long time in bed, so you’ll need to train yours until you have a vice-like grip behind your penis.

You do this through kegel exercises (if you’re not familiar with them, go read that article).

The PC muscle (ejaculation muscle for our purposes) is located right behind your balls and before your anus. You’ve felt it when you’re trying to prevent yourself from peeing, or when you start peeing and then try to make yourself stop.

It’s also the muscle that you use to prevent yourself from ejaculating, and that flexes and spasms when you’re orgasming.

So in order to stop yourself from ejaculating, you need to develop a strong PC muscle.

The easiest way to do that training is to use an app called Stamena (or Kegel Trainer on Android), which will walk you through doing progressively more difficult kegel exercises and strengthening the PC muscle.

Start by practicing your kegels 2-3 times a day until you can hold for 20+ seconds. That’s when you’re at the point that you can squeeze hard enough to pull yourself back from the edge.

Once you’re there, keep doing kegels for maintenance, but you can move on to the next step…

Step Three: Daily Practice

While you’re learning to have NEOs and PNEOs, set aside 20+ minutes each night to masturbate and work on it. I found that if I went more than a couple days without experimenting, I’d be set back considerably.

Once you’ve practiced enough you can go for a few days without it, but until you have it mastered, set that time aside every night.

During the practice, work yourself up to a peak (somewhere around a 9-9.5 out of 10 for how close you are to orgasming) and then bring yourself back down to a 5-7. This is called “edging.”

Stay in the upper range as long as possible, but when you feel like you’re at risk of ejaculating, cool yourself down using the STAB technique from the last article:

  • Squeeze: Squeeze your PC muscles HARD like you’re doing an intense kegel. Hold for at least 10 seconds, but the longer you can hold the more you’ll come down. (A few shorter holds, or a bunch of 1 second ones can work too)
  • Think: Think about something else
  • Avoid: Change your stroke (avoid the head) instead of stopping entirely
  • Breathe: Take deep, diaphragmatic (with your stomach) breath

The idea is to become extremely aware of how close you are to ejaculating. Having that awareness is crucial for separating orgasm and ejaculation.

For that reason, I’m going to make a recommendation you might not like…

Don’t use porn.

I found that using porn when practicing pulled me out of the experience too much, and I lost awareness of where I was on that 1-10 scale.

By not using it you’re forced to focus on the experience more, and it will give you significantly more awareness of how close you are and when you need to pull yourself back.

Once you’ve mastered edging, you can start to separate the orgasm and ejaculation.

Step Four: Separating Orgasm and Ejaculation

To have non-ejaculatory orgasms, you need to train your body to separate the experience or orgasm and ejaculation.

You’ve likely experienced ejaculation and orgasm at the same time for your entire life, but that’s just a strategic biological move on your body’s part.

Orgasm is not caused by ejaculating, rather it normally happens in sync with and actually slightly before ejaculating. Your body needs to make sure you don’t stop pumping away as you get closer to cumming (since it wants to reproduce), so it gets you closer to orgasming as motivation.

All we have to do is untrain that impulse.

Partial Orgasm Separation

As you’re masturbating for your daily practice, you’re going to start working on briefly separating the orgasm and ejaculation as you finish.

When you hit the point of no return where you know you’re going to ejaculate, squeeze your PC muscle as hard as you can as if you’re doing a long kegel hold.

You should feel your penis twitch, swell, and the ejaculating will be delayed a second or two… but the orgasm sensation won’t. You’ll feel a couple seconds of orgasm right before you ejaculate, and then you’ll have the regular ejaculation plus orgasm that you’re used to.

Congrats! You just separated orgasm and ejaculation for the first time.

This is the “holy shit” moment. Once you feel this happen, everything else will feel 100x more possible.

Now you just have to do it without ejaculating at all.

Step Five: Your First Non-Ejaculatory Orgasm

Now that you’ve seen that there’s a difference between when you start to orgasm, and when you start to ejaculate, it’s time to make the first happen without the other.

You’re going to keep the practice going like you have. Work yourself up to a peak, and bring yourself down. Up and down.

When you get close to cumming, you’re going to do something a little different: right when you hit the point of no return, squeeze your PC muscles as hard as you can, open your eyes (this helps, not sure why), and stop stroking your penis.

One of a few things will happen:

  • You’ll stop too early and not get the orgasm. This is fine, just work yourself up again and try it a little closer to orgasming
  • You’ll do it too late and you’ll orgasm + ejaculate anyway. That’s fine, just try again next time but at a slightly earlier point.
  • You’ll have an NEO! I doubt you’ll get it your first time, but if you do, congrats! Work yourself up to that peak and see if you can do it again.

My progression went like this:

  • Days 1-7: Not much
  • Days 8-14: Some separation, still ejaculated though
  • Day ~15: Oh my god I’m never leaving my bed

Even when you do it right, some cum might leak out, or you might have one small squirt. That’s fine! You’ll notice that there’s no refractory period, you’re just cooled down to a 5 or 6 again and still completely able to keep going.

Good work! You’re now able to have non-ejaculatory orgasms. But, as you probably found, the first one isn’t anything crazy to write home about. Which is why we need…

Step Six: Intensifying Your NEOs

For every guy I’ve talked to, the first NEO is disappointing. It will be extremely brief and not incredibly pleasureable. Womp womp.

Don’t stop there. Unlike a regular EO (ejaculatory orgasm), an NEO isn’t immediately extremely pleasurable, it’s something you have to build up to through practice.

The best way to do that is to keep having them. The good news is that since you don’t have a refractory period, you can have multiple in the same session.

What will make the biggest difference in how pleasurable they are is how close to actually ejaculating you are when you have them. If you’re squeezing your PC muscle with the vice-like grip to keep yourself a hair-width away from ejaculating, it’ll be much more intense than if you’re just loosely squeezing a few times at a 9.

You can also try changing how you do your kegel squeezes. I find the long hard squeeze most effective, but for some guys a few medium length squeezes or a bunch of very quick ones are better.

Step Seven: Orgasming for 5+ Minutes: the Prolonged Non-Ejaculatory Orgasm

After figuring out NEOs, I had an idea:

What if you could chain together and extend NEOs the same way women extend their clitoral orgasms?

Women can orgasm multiple times in quick succession, and stay in that peak state for over a minute, so why couldn’t I do the same?

That was the question that led me to the abs-destroying orgasmic intensity that David Asprey alluded to.

Think about the pleasure graphs I’ve used before.

You started out here, with a build up to one orgasm:

With NEOs, you can create a graph more like this:

That’s just having a regular orgasm a few times, though. It’s awesome, but you can make it even better by significantly increasing the duration of the orgasms, until the graph looks like this:

If you have an idea for how to better visualize this… let me know

Normally, we think of an orgasm as a point in time, something that happens to you. Instead, you need to think of orgasm as a state of being, in which the sensations can become more or less intense.

It’s like being turned on. You could be a little horny, or sex-on-the-kitchen-floor horny, but it’s all just different levels of horny.

Orgasm is the same. Once you’ve separated it from ejaculation, you can move between different levels of orgasm for as long as you want.

You’ll have peaks of pleasure that you would normally call “orgasms,” but instead of cooling down afterward you’ll stay in a less intense orgasm. The spasms, contractions, and mental pleasure of an orgasm will all be there, just with different intensity.

Your First PNEO

To have your first PNEO, start with a regular NEO like before but as soon as you hit the peak, try to make yourself immediately have another one.

Don’t let yourself cool down. Shift the focus to the head of your penis, and use a fast stroke to keep yourself right against that edge. You should be able to quickly get to the NEO peak again, and when you do, just do the same thing and immediately try as hard as possible to have another one.

As you keep doing this, the gaps will get shorter and shorter until you manage to keep yourself right in that orgasmic state between the successive peaks. It might take a few tries and you might have a few misfires, but eventually you’ll hit that point where you’re in that blissed out orgasm state beyond just when you’re having the peaks.

Once you have your first one in a session, the next ones get easier.

Second, third, and future PNEOs

Once you’ve had the first PNEO, the next ones are much easier.

Get yourself up to the point just before you would have an NEO, but now you’re going to clench your PC muscles earlier, and make all of the movements as if you were having an orgasm.

Do the thrusting, leg twitching, thrashing, etc. If you’re not sure what motions to make, just imitate what you see women do when they orgasm.

This is the same principle I talked about in the article on lasting longer in bed: if you smile, you make yourself happier. If you breathe like you’re not going to cum, you won’t. And in this case, if you move your body as if you’re having an orgasm, you will.

You’re stroking, you’re close to an NEO, and now you’re clenching and moving as if you’re orgasming. Keep your eyes open like before, and keep stroking to keep yourself right against that no-return threshold.

At some point here you’ll feel a sudden rush of pleasure and the sensation will noticeably change from just the pleasure of stroking to being in the orgasmic state that you felt before. You’ll be able to manipulate how intense the orgasm is by stroking harder or faster, and you’ll be able to pull yourself out of it just by stopping if you get tired or get too close to ejaculating.

Eventually, you’ll get to the point where the reason you let yourself come down (or finally ejaculate) is because your abs hurt (seriously, this is an insane ab workout) or your throat dries out from breathing so heavily.

Having NEOs and PNEOs with your partner

You can go from zero to having NEOs and PNEOs on your own in less than a month. Once you know the sensations you’re going for, getting to them is not particularly hard assuming you have the sufficient PC muscle strength.

But having either with your partner is considerably more difficult because you’re no longer controlling the amount of stimulation. Instead, you’re relying on them to provide the constant pressure you need to reach an NEO, or stay in a PNEO, without providing so much that you actually ejaculate.

That’s why I recommend figuring out how to do it on your own first. Once you’ve gotten it down, then you can work on incorporating it into sex and foreplay with your partner.

Ready to have NEOs and PNEOs during sex? Here’s how.

Dr. Phil says it takes a woman 14 minutes to have an orgasm… well I feel bad for Dr. Phil.

Thing is, he’s not alone with this number… I’ve seen numerous sources say that it takes a woman anywhere between 15 to 20 minutes to have an orgasm.

Well, one thing is for sure… unless you have delayed ejaculation, a woman generally does take longer to orgasm than men do.

And if you don’t warm her up, and penetrate her properly, it probably WILL take her 15 – 20 minutes to get off… and most men don’t know what the hell they’re doing when they’re in the bedroom, so either 1) the girl naturally has quick/easy orgasms, or 2) she’s putting on a performance to please her man’s ego.

Thing is, it’s not that hard to even the playing field, and make a woman orgasm simultaneously, or even before you.

My Experience With The Female Orgasm

My experience with the female orgasm was not always good… in fact it was terrible – trauma-causing terrible.

I had the love of my life leave me due to my inability to satisfy her in bed. And had MANY women that left my bedroom feeling like “this guy sucks”, and never came back.

The female orgasm was a mystery to me. A code that I couldn’t crack. Something I thought was reserved for stronger, higher-level men in the food chain, from a Darwinistic point of view.

Either I wasn’t large enough, or just couldn’t last long enough… that was it. I wasn’t built to satisfy women.

But I was wrong.

After that girl left me, it became my life mission to be able to make a woman orgasm. Or die trying.

Any free time I had, I obsessively researched on the female orgasm… oral sex tactics, books on the clitoris, sex forums, guides to different penetrative techniques.

I “over-studied”… and put off sex or dating for a long time before I felt I was fully ready.

When I finally had a chance that was too good to pass up and felt I was ready, I went down on her and penetrated her to TWO powerful orgasms in under 10 minutes.

It was like a dream had come true…

But I have concerned it was a fluke. I repeated this with the same girl several times, but worried if I would be able to repeat the results with other women… but I did.

And over the last 10 years or so, I’ve made somewhere between 20 and 30 women have multiple orgasms in just a few minutes… (I’m not a male gigolo; just a very horny man in Miami, a city with plenty of “resources” in the female department).

So 20 minutes to orgasm? C’mon man… here’s how to make a woman orgasm quickly.

Get Her Mind Into It – Leading Up To, and During Sex

A woman’s mind plays a very strong role when it comes to her orgasm.

A TLC episode of Strange Sex reported on a woman who was able to “think herself” into orgasm, without any physical touch at all.

Scientists put her in an MRI like a machine, studying her brain waves, and they were, in fact, identical to the overwhelming hurricane of brain activity that occurs during orgasm. She was having an orgasm just from thought.

While it took 30 minutes or so, and most women will NEVER come to this level of “self mental stimulation” necessary to have an orgasm, it does show how strongly her thoughts will influence her orgasm.

SO… send her texts telling her specifically what you’d like to do to her, throughout the day… build the anticipation. Talk dirty during foreplay, and during sex… when her mind is into it, and she lets loose, then orgasm will occur quicker.

This is also a great way to know what she likes. have you ever asked what turns her on? Different strokes for different folks. This might be shocking news but newsflash, vaginas are not made from cookie cutters, each one is unique in its own way.

Not only on a physical level is each woman different but there is also the mental aspect to consider. If she has in her mind something that she wants but isn’t getting, her body might not respond the way either of you wants. So, just ask.

Your own libido will influence her levels of arousal. If you need a little boost in the area, there is a plant called Butea Superba that is backed both by science and centuries of eastern tradition, well-known for improving men’s sex drive and overall libido.

Stimulate Her Clit Before Entering

This tip is especially important if you have problems lasting long.

Your tongue is the perfect tool to stimulate her clitoris as it has no “time clock” before it’s set to go off. Plus, the soft, warm physical sensation it provides… women love it.

Combined with some breaks for occasional dirty talk, going down on your lady will get her much closer to orgasm, so when you do penetrate, it won’t take that many stroke before she’s “gone off”.

Some women can only come with a clitoris, enjoying penetration afterwards, without a climax. Nothing wrong with that! If your partner prefers clitoris orgasm, don’t rush and make her scream just by touching and licking her tiny clit.

Ask her about her preferences. From my experience slow regular moves, without rushing nor pushing too hard works best.

No matter if you touch it or lick it, one thing is crucial: your PERSISTENCE. Repeat the same move between her legs continuously and patiently. Make her feel that you won’t stop until she screams with pleasure. She must feel it that it’s fun for you to take care of her and you will not finish in the middle of doing that. She must feel that she is melting with each stroke of your finger or tongue and slowly falling into the deep hole of pleasure.

Extra tip: finger her upper wall with two fingers, with a “come here” motion, at the same time as performing oral… this will put pressure on her g-spot, which in reality, is the internal part of the clitoral cluster.

Choose a Position That is Beneficial To the Clit

In case you haven’t noticed, the clitoris is key to the female orgasm… if you don’t put pressure on the clit, you won’t be getting her off.

Unless a woman’s clitoris is close to her vaginal opening, the doggy style will just be a fun position for you… while it will feel good for her, without a doubt, it will most likely not provide enough stimulation to make a woman orgasm… at least not anytime soon.

One of the best “you on top” positions to get a woman off is a missionary while putting pressure on the clitoris with the lower pelvis/area right above the base of your penis. Rub hard into it on the in- and out-stroke.

It’s more like a very quick up-and-down rubbing against the clit, rather than an in-and-out “banging”.

Does she know how to get herself off when on top? Just watch her, and try to duplicate a similar motion when YOU’RE on top.

Or let her get herself off on top! If she just follows her instincts, and she’s hot and horny enough, she’ll ride herself off into orgasm in just a couple of minutes, and you can get off simultaneously, or right after her, in the position you choose!

How To Hit The Fast-Forward x2 Towards Her Orgasm

It’s important that you pay attention to all of her erogenous zones as well… it’s kind of like entering a cheat code to skip levels.

If you are already penetrating correctly, or she’s on top, then sucking, pulling, spanking her “sexy parts”, preferably a few of them simultaneously (ask her what she likes; I’m sure she’ll point you in the right direction), combined with some dirty talk, and she’ll be tightening up, gyrating and vibrating into orgasm in no time.

It’s funny… when I start really putting this kind of pressure on my girl, she starts telling me “don’t finish yet”… when in reality I’m not even close!

I just play nice and say “okay, I won’t…”.

Her Satisfaction is Your Key To A Solid Relationship – Or Repeat Customer

A woman will stay in a relationship with a broke, abusive, a-hole of a guy, as long as the sex is good, much longer than she’ll stay in a relationship with the perfect man if he sucks in bed.

Good sex is the glue that keeps a relationship together, and a fundamental part of good sex is two happy customers.

Whether you want a long-lasting relationship or a friend-with-benefits that keeps on coming back, it’s important that you learn these skills… practice them, perfect them, and you’ll have a fundamental skill needed to keep women… and that most men are lacking.

If your lady does not seem to be enjoying herself as much as she could be in the bedroom, take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Ask yourself what might be going on and take some time to recognize and address it. Your sex life and your partner’s sex life will thank you!

Orgasms for everybody!

8 Ways Men Can Have Stronger, More Pleasurable Orgasms

Orgasms feel pretty good. But as the romantic comedies of Nancy Meyers and Rob Marshall have taught us, why settle for something good when you can have something great? And, chances are you never thought your orgasms could feel even better. But with some attention and a little bit of open-mindedness, it’s possible for men to have stronger, more pleasurable releases during sex. So, in the effort of enhancing the already amazing, here’s a simple guide designed to help you realize your ultimate orgasmic capabilities. Read up and take your pleasure up a notch.


Live On The Edge

There aren’t a lot of bad things to say about orgasms. But one of the chief complaints seems to be that they just don’t last enough. If you want to prolong the experience, you should probably get familiar with the concept of edging. This form of orgasm control requires you to decrease stimulation before you hit climax. Sure, it takes some self-control, but some say putting things off lead to a more explosive reward in the end. Plus, it gives your partner more to hit their mark. The more orgasms, the merrier.

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Squeeze, Please

Another way to enhance orgasm revolves around something called “the squeeze technique.” The method requires you place your thumb and index finger around the shaft of the penis and squeeze slightly just before reaching “the moment of ejaculatory inevitability.” Remember, orgasm and ejaculation are two separate events. The more you practice, the more likely you’ll be able to attain the sensation of orgasm without ejaculation. And nailing that skill could bring you closer to the holy grail of climaxes: multiple orgasms.

Give Your Penis a Workout

If that bit about multiple orgasms got you excited, then you’ll be over the moon to hear that exercising a certain group of muscles can help you get there even faster. We often associate kegal exercises with female genitalia, but men have a pelvic floor too, and engaging it can lead to all sorts of orgasmic perks. Some guys like to perform these exercises by stopping the flow of urine midstream. Others like to put a towel of their erect penis and watch it move as they engage the kegal muscles. Gaining control over this area will allow men to perform the “squeeze technique” discussed above without having to use their hands.


RELATED: 6 Tips To Help You Last Longer In Bed

Breathe Right

Proper breathing is key to good sex. Really. As we previously discussed, deep breathing helps engage the pelvic floor. It also helps improve cognition and circulation. It can give us a boost in energy and make us feel closer to our partners. And all of that leads to more quality sex.

Toy Around

The sex toy industry is estimated to be worth around $15 billion. That kind of money seems to suggest that they’re onto something good. While it’s true much of the industry is designed to enhance female sexual pleasure, there are plenty of quality products on the market for men. Cock rings are always a crowd favorite. They’re worn around the base of the penis. The idea is to prevent the blood from flowing out of your erection. That’s going to intensify your hard-on, and help it last for a longer period of time. There are even some vibrating rings on the market, which helps deliver a rumble both partners can enjoy.


Play Ball

It’s easy to prioritize the penis during sex, but the body contains a wealth of erogenous zones outside of that one organ. Take the testicles and scrotum, for instance. This area is packed with sensitive nerve endings, which make it responsive to all sorts of stimulation. Some guys like gentle tugging, others prefer some sensual licking. The only way to really know what you like down there is by fooling around. So go ahead, and play ball.

Open Up The Back Door

Men may possess hanging genitalia, but they’re also host to a more hidden pleasure center. The prostate is located about two inches below the rectum, toward the scrotum. While is possible to locate the area externally, via the perineum, the most direct approach requires some penetration. Try inserting a finger into the anus. Start with a “come hither” motion, toward the naval. Be on the lookout for a squishy gland about the size of a walnut. That’s your target. The area has been known to provide such enormous amounts of pleasure that it’s been dubbed “the male G-spot.”


Eat Clean

What we decide to put in our bodies can have an enormous impact on our sexual performance. According to the experts, it’s best to stay away from junk food if you want to be a star in the sack. Poor cardiovascular health is said to be one of the most common causes of erectile dysfunction. That’s because clogged vessels make it harder to get the blood flowing into penis. It’s no coincidence that obesity has been linked to low testosterone in men. Of course, you don’t want to be too restrictive in your diet. Animal products are an excellent source of Vitamin D. Cutting them out puts you at risk of a deficiency, which has also been linked to an inability to get hard.

Cut Back on the Booze

Alcohol is fun, but it has also been known to rob men of their erection. Whiskey dick is real, and there’s some science to prove it. If you want to be on top of your game, try not to indulge too often. After all, alcohol is a depressant, and it can affect parts of the nervous system that are key to orgasm and arousal. Fortunately, you don’t have to cut all vices out of your life to maintain peak performance. Caffeinated beverages have been shown to help boost circulation. The more blood you have rushing around, the stronger your erection will be.

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Here’s How To Give Yourself An Orgasm Using Only Your Mind

“Lie back and think of England” was once the customary advice given by mothers to their daughters on their wedding night, and there may well be some hidden wisdom in that old adage, as it turns out that some people really can bring themselves to orgasm using just the power of thought. And while England might not be the optimal mental material for doing so, there’s a whole load of science you need to be aware of if you want to achieve a hands-free climax.

Think Yourself Off

Back in the early 1990s, researchers from Rutgers University recruited 10 women who claimed to be able to experience orgasms just by thinking, and asked them to pleasure themselves with their minds while having their heart rate, blood pressure, pupil diameter, and pain threshold measured.

When the same women then brought themselves to orgasm the old-fashioned way – by physically stimulating their genitals – the researchers noted that the increases in these physiological measures were virtually the same as when they had experienced thought-induced orgasms. Amongst other things, this proved that they weren’t faking it, and really could generate genuine orgasms using only the power of their minds – but it brought the researchers no closer to discovering how they did it.

Study co-author Barry Komisaruk told IFLScience that when he asked the participants to describe the mental imagery they used to bring themselves to climax, the responses were surprisingly varied. “Some women said they had erotic thoughts, while others said they were thinking of their lovers whispering sweet nothings in their ear,” he explained. Others, meanwhile, focused their minds on less sexual images: “One woman said that she had an image of walking along the shore of the ocean on a warm summer afternoon; and one of the women, who did yoga, said she imagined the chakras moving up and down her spine.”

For one woman, just thinking about a stroll on the beach was enough to bring herself to orgasm. Petar Paunchev/

Barbara Carrellas says she can think herself into orgasm. (Personal Photo)

(CBS) Is it possible to bring yourself to orgasm just by thinking?

Barbara Carrellas more than thinks so. She says she knows so, since she’s been “thinking herself off” for more than twenty years.

It’s a technique she learned in the late 1980’s, when she was managing off-Broadway plays in New York. It was the height of the AIDS crisis, which hit the theater community particularly hard. She saw friends get sick and die on a regular basis.

Carrellas says that she wanted to explore alternative ways of being sexual. She went to an informal workshop to learn how to orgasm using nothing but her mind.

“I wasn’t embarrassed,” says Carrellas, who knew most of the other participants from a support group for people with AIDS and the friends of people with the virus. “I was just afraid that I wouldn’t get it and everyone else would.”

But “get it” she did, and she is now a true believer. “I really like solo sex,” she tells CBS News. “I am not partner-fixated. Society has an extremely limited view of what sexuality is.”

Carrellas is featured in a new “Strange Sex” series on TLC, but her brand of sexual pleasure may not be as strange as one might think. Researchers at Rutgers University have been studying the mind-body-sex connection, and have found that there seems to be documented evidence of Carrellas’ claims. They put her in an MRI, had her “think off” and found that the parts of her brain that should light up when she climaxes did just that.

The idea of thinking yourself to orgasm is not new. In the early 1970’s, the Masters and Johnson research team documented the strong connection between sexuality and thought.

The connection is particularly strong in women, says Dr. Ian Kerner, author and sex therapist. “The brain is the most powerful sex organ,” he says. Men, he adds, have a much harder time making themselves climax without any touch whatsoever, but there are documented cases in women.

“I would encourage people to try to use breath work, concentration and fantasy, but more to enhance their sex life, and less as a means to an end,” says Kerner. That’s because most people will find themselves frustrated, because most people won’t be able to go as far as Carrellas, he says.

Carrellas, who prefers the gentler term “breath and energy orgasm,” has a different opinion.

“Anyone can learn this,” she says. You just have to un-teach yourself what you’ve probably absorbed all your life,” she explains. It starts with our first experiences touching ourselves as kids.

“When we are young, we learn the ‘quiet and quick’ rule – so that we don’t get caught. And the only way to climax that way is to hold your breath.” But actually, she says, one can experience much richer, much more satisfying orgasms by breathing deeply, which is one of the techniques she uses to “think off.”

Carrellas, who is in a relationship, doesn’t use breath and energy to the exclusion of traditional sex. “My definition of what sex is has expanded so that genital sex is just one part of the repertoire,” she says. Anyway, she says, you can think off with a partner. One way is to hold hands, maintain eye contact, and breathe together, fully clothed.

“It can be quite mind-blowing,” she says. Carrellas not only practices this at home, she guest lectures at colleges. “I want young people to have more safer-sex options,” she says.

Want to see for yourself how it’s done? Carrellas will be featured on TLC this Sunday as part of their “Strange Sex” series. The thinking orgasms start at 10:30 p.m. EST.

Turn yourself on with the power of your mind (Picture: Getty)

The mind is a powerful thing – used correctly you can think yourself to an orgasm.

Most people going in for some solo loving reach straight for the genitals, but there are more ways than one to achieve climax.

Mik Scarlet is an advocate of ‘thinking off’, where you create new erogenous zones with the help of your mind.

The technique was developed to help people with spinal injuries and other impairments maintain a healthy sex life.

Seeing a new woman ‘gives men better orgasms’

Instead of getting off by touching down there, it’s possible to create an orgasm in a new area like the wrist or neck.

Scarlet suffered a spinal collapse in his teens, leaving him unable to get an erection.

But he says that anyone can enjoy thinking off. After all, why stick to one type of orgasm when you could have many?

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It won’t feel the same as one achieved through genital stimulation, but that’s not to say it’s not as good or as powerful.

Scarlet says: ‘You kind of feel like you orgasm head down.

‘It flows through your body and is a much bigger and over-arching sensation.’

Sounds good to us.

1. Go somewhere comfortable

Find yourself a space where you feel relaxed and safe.

You’re not going to be able to get yourself off if you’re worried someone might walk through the door at any minute.

2. Get rid of guilt

Guilt is an instant moodkiller. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

Don’t worry that your fantasies might be weird – chances are a lot of other people are into what you are too.

MORE: These two men want to change the way we think about masturbation

3. Start to fantasise

Now the fun begins. Think about whatever turns you on and enjoy it.

Let your mind guide you to your happy place.

4. Pinpoint your erogenous zones

Either by yourself or with a partner, explore areas of your body that you may have previously ignored.

Try touching and stroking everything from your ear to your ankle and find what arouses you.

5. Combine the zone with your thoughts

Now think about what turns you on while touching the area of the body, this will create a new orgasmic zone.

Try not to worry about having an orgasm and just have fun with the process.

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It might not happen the first few times, but with practice you should be able to think yourself off.

Watch Scarlet explain the technique further in this video:

MORE: In a new relationship? Try sexting – everyone else is

MORE: 21 things you never knew about orgasms

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