The Anatomy of Male Pleasure

One of the reasons that we are so good at making ourselves orgasm is that we know our bodies so well. In fact, it’s that self-exploration of pleasure that helps improve our sex lives with our partners (that and some good old-fashioned communication skills). However, when it comes to our partner’s body (or a new partner’s body) we sometimes don’t pay the same care and attention to all its parts, maybe because we found one erogenous zone they love, or because you’ve both been too shy to communicate. Thus, below we offer you a lesson of the basic anatomy of male pleasure.

The Shaft

Though penises vary in length and girth, their size is mostly made up of the shaft. While the biggest part of a penis, it also has the fewest nerve endings. That doesn’t mean, of course, that it should be ignored during foreplay, just that it doesn’t need to be the be-all and end-all of penis stimulation. Experiment with different pressures and sensations by using different parts of your mouth and hands along the shaft, near the head and the base.

The Glans

The head of the penis is comparable to the clitoris in that it has the majority of the nerve endings are (and the two, in fact, originate from the same material in utero). The highest concentration of these nerves is around the outer ridge, which can be much more pronounced in uncircumcised penises. Kiss, lick, suck, nibble (gently!) all over it for intense sensations.

Foreskin

While in the United States non-religious circumcision is quite common (about 79% of the population) it surprises many that this is not the default elsewhere. Even in Canada, which is quite similar in terms of newness and culture to the United States, has only about 30% of its population circumcised, which varies from almost 0% in one province to 40% in the one next to it.

The Frenulum

This is the V-shaped part under the head of the penis where the glans meets the shaft. It has some sensitivity to it, but less than the glans itself.

The Scrotum & Testicles

The scrotum, which both protects and regulates the temperature of the testicles, can be one of the most sensitive parts of the male anatomy, but not always in a pleasurable way. The scrotum itself is analogous to parts of the vagina, and has a similar number of nerve endings that make it responsive to cupping, sucking, and licking, Some men also enjoy gentle tugging, but treating the area too roughly (without the go ahead and clear communication of interest in that particular kink) can cause intense pain and even nausea, as nerves surrounding the testicles go all the way up the stomach.

The Perineum

The term ‘perineum’ refers to the area between the scrotum and the anus. You can you use your fingers to stroke this area, or apply firm pressure. Doing so in time to thrusting is an amazing way to intensify the sensation while giving a blow job, or during sex when your own legs are elevated, if you can reach!

The Anus

Just as women can enjoy the sensations surrounding anal sex and play, many men enjoy the stimulation of the opening or just within, with mouth, finger, or a vibrator. A water-based personal moisturizer should be used when stimulating this area, and it is important that if not using a toy made just for anal play that the massager is either covered with a clean condom or cleaned thoroughly before it makes contact with a vagina afterward.

The Penile Tissue

Pleasuring all of the tissue throughout his entire penis with deep, resonant sensations can reach all the way down his shaft and stimulate his prostate, if the vibrations are strong enough. When the penis is erect, that’s because of the corpora cavernosa get engorged with blood. These long strips of spongy tissue extends nearly to the prostate, and with a deeply sonorous hummer blowjob or a masturbation sleeve that uses sonic stimulation like the LELO F1s, you can provide these penetrating sensations the give pleasure like nothing else.

The Prostate

This walnut-sized, semen-storing gland located at the root of the penis is often described as ‘the male G-spot.’ Stimulating it can cause powerful orgasms, and has been linked to improved prostate health. It can be stimulated with a finger, though it can be difficult to reach and awkward to stimulating properly, thus making a high-quality prostate massager essential for unlocking the powerful pleasure of the P-spot.

Conclusion

While perhaps one of the most clinical articles we have ever posted on Volonté, (at least in terms of male erogenous zones) we hope that this frank look at all the wonderful, unique pleasure points and how to stimulate them has helped you gain a little understanding into your partner’s body, so you can come to learn it as well as your own.

Premature Ejaculation

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The Men’s Clinic at UCLA – Premature Ejaculation: Overview

What is Premature Ejaculation?

Premature ejaculation (PE), or now, as it is often referred, rapid ejaculation (RE), is a common medical condition that is tough to define and affects up to 30 percent of men. It can be either primary, meaning the man has always had the problem, or secondary, meaning the man has acquired the condition later in life. Premature ejaculation has various timing definitions ranging from ejaculating within one minute of penetration to ejaculating prior to a man’s partner achieving orgasm. Essentially, a man or a couple can suffer from rapid ejaculation if one or both is unhappy with how rapidly the man ejaculates. For some couples, RE can occur 30 seconds into vaginal penetration. For others, RE may extend out to five or ten minutes. As long as one of the partners is dissatisfied, RE is a problem.

How does Premature Ejaculation Occur?

A man doesn’t have much control over how quickly he ejaculates. Ejaculation is mostly an event of the autonomic nervous system, the part of our nervous system we can’t fully control. Heartbeat, digestion, sweating are all examples of neurologic processes our autonomic nervous system controls. Therefore, when a man gets a signal to ejaculate, the point of no return, he’s going to go. The most sensitive part of the penis is the area around the frenulum, the skin flap on the underside of the penis just below the urethral meatus (where he urinates). There is a spinal cord pathway that connects there and rapidly sends signals to the ejaculation center of the spinal cord. Ejaculation is also hormonal. Serotonin, dopamine, prolactin, testosterone and oxytocin are all hormones that play a role in ejaculation.

What Causes Premature Ejaculation?

This is a very troubling condition for men as it compromises their sexual satisfaction and inhibits them in relationships. Some recent studies shed light on PE and RE but the exact causes are still not known.

Psychological
Classic literature on RE suggests it is a trained sexual response fostered by men secretively masturbating as adolescents and trained to finish quickly. This behavior was then reinforced with early partner encounters where young couples engage in clandestine sexual activity in parents’ basements or car back seats. There is no proof that this is a real thing, however, and physicians suggesting this as a cause of RE reinforces guilt associations with sexuality.

Neurobiological
The neurotransmitter serotonin (5HT) plays a central role in the ejaculatory response. Low levels of serotonin in specific areas of the brain may lead premature ejaculation. Studies have shown that increases in serotonin levels can help delay ejaculation in some men. This provides the rationale for treating RE with anti-depressants in the selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) class.

Penile Sensitivity
The ejaculatory spinal cord pathway is located at the ventral tip of the corona (if you’re standing up and looking down at your penis, the ventral side is on the bottom. The corona is the mushroom head of your penis.) If a man has increased sensitivity at that point, he will likely ejaculate too fast. Applying topical numbing agents, usually containing lidocaine, is an effective way to reduce penile sensitivity and prolong ejaculation. It is important to wash the penis prior to intercourse, or wear a condom, to avoid desensitizing the partner, however.

Treatment Options for Premature or Rapid Ejaculation at UCLA

At UCLA Health—The Men’s Clinic, physicians are trained to treat rapid ejaculation and have a number of methods available. Treatment for PE and RE centers around behavioral, neurologic and hormonal modifications.

  • Behavioral Therapy: Some patients respond to techniques such as starting and stopping. This basically involves interrupting intercourse to decrease stimulation to the penis in hopes of cooling the nerves down. Although effective at times, most patients report limited sexual satisfaction with these methods.
  • Topical medications: One of the simplest treatment option is to temporarily desensitize the head of the penis by using a topical anesthetic medications for premature ejaculation. They are effective, easy-to-use, low-cost and have a negligible risk of systemic side effects. Topical numbing sprays and creams are available with either a prescription or over the counter. They all work by gently numbing the sensitive areas of the penis so the nerves don’t fire so fast and the man can prolong intercourse. The agent must be washed off prior to intercourse or a condom must be worn to make sure the partner is not also desensitized. One option for patients is a new product, Promescent®, from Absorption Pharmaceuticals, which provides improved ejaculatory latency (the time from penetration to ejaculation) with minimal loss of sexual sensation.
  • Oral medications: Some men respond well to low doses of the antidepressants known as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), that block serotonin, one of the hormones important in ejaculation. These are prescribed off-label, with some side effects. These pills have been around for over 20 years, are relatively safe, but are not FDA approved for PE / RE. It is therefore up to the patient and his doctor to make the call to use this class of drugs off label.

Don’t be afraid to seek treatment for premature or rapid ejaculation. It is a very common condition, and one of the most common sexual dysfunctions. Your UCLA Men’s Clinic provider will be understanding and likely have an effective treatment that will please you and your partner.

Scheduling an Appointment

Board-certified urologists staff The Men’s Clinic at UCLA and you can be assured you are getting an experienced physician performing your evaluation and procedure in a relaxed and comfortable environment. For more information and to schedule an appointment, please call the UCLA Urology Appointment line at (310) 794-7700.

Bookshelf

What possible problems can occur?

Various problems may occur if the male sex organs change or are affected by medical conditions:

  • Pain, for example constant or only during sex
  • Itching, red skin and swelling
  • Discharge from the urethra
  • Burning sensation and difficulties urinating (peeing), urinary retention
  • Erection problems and fertility problems
  • Painful, long-lasting erection (priapism)
  • Hormonal imbalances

Some men experience problems related to other underlying conditions – such as erection problems in men who have diabetes. Other men have problems because changes occur in only a single organ, such as a benign enlarged prostate.

In general, problems in the genital area can be caused by many different things, such as viral, bacterial or fungal infections. Typical examples include genital warts, inflammation of the head of the penis (balanitis) or inflammations caused by sexually transmitted infections like gonorrhea.

As a result of developmental disorders or malformations, the testicles may not drop down from the abdominal cavity into the scrotum before birth. This can cause infertility. If the foreskin – which is still attached to the head of the penis in young boys – does not loosen during the first few years of the boy’s life, he will have a tight foreskin (phimosis). In some men, the connective tissue in the penis becomes hardened and tight, causing the penis to curve.

Problems are often associated with the blood vessels, too. Varicose veins on the testicles (varicoceles) can cause swelling, pain and infertility, for instance. One testicle can become painfully twisted and then no longer get a proper supply of blood. If that happens, some testicle tissue may die off. Erection problems are often caused by chronically damaged blood vessels in the penis.

If an erect penis is suddenly bent sharply or squashed, the blood-filled erectile tissue may become damaged. This can cause major bruising (“penile fracture”).

Non-cancerous growths may occur in tissue like the skin or the connective tissue of the penis or scrotum. They may also develop in the gland tissue of the internal male sex organs, like the testicles or the epididymis. The most common cancerous tumors that affect the male sex organs include prostate cancer, testicular cancer and skin cancer on the penis. Tumors on the penis often develop due to abnormal changes in skin cells or mucous membrane cells. Known as dysplasia, these changes make the cells multiply faster than normal. Dyplasia on the penis is also called penile intraepithelial neoplasia (PIN).

Acupressure for Good Sex

This month on TCM Talk, we’re talking about Passion, Desire and Sex. My co-host Kirsten Cowan recently published a great two-part series called “Plants with Benefits” about herbs and essential oils to support a satisfying sex life. This article will focus on acupuncture/acupressure points you can use by yourself or with a partner to help enhance your sex life. Always ask your acupuncturist about acupuncture and herbs that are good for you or for a particular condition. These are just a few suggestions.

Warning: radically-inclusive, sex-positive, body-positive language spoken here

While researching links and articles to share with you on our Pinterest board, Kirsten and I have noticed something. There is one image of a white, heterosexual couple that is the only ‘sexy time’ photo we’ve seen used over and over again on articles about sex. You won’t see that photo on our articles.

While some of the points mentioned below are good for ‘seminal emission’ or ‘painful periods’ and may seem specific to men or women, most of the points help anyone of any gender, sexual orientation and whatever kind of relationship you’re in. Everyone has the acupuncture points I’ll be discussing here. (By the way, Prism Integrative Acupuncture has a great series of articles that are queer-friendly and sex-positive and we highly recommend checking them out.)

If it seems like some of these conditions would prevent you from having good sex, doing acupressure on them can help change that. And talking about them with your partner(s) can help encourage good communication between you, which is not a bad thing in relationships.

How to use these acupressure points

You can use these points on yourself, using your fingers (or sex toys where applicable) for 30-60 seconds at a time on a daily basis. Or you can have a partner help you explore them, maybe with a favorite massage oil (like the Lovers’ Blend from Plants with Benefits Part II: Essential Oils for a Satisfying Sex Life) for the points on the abdomen and lower legs or perhaps a favorite lubricant, sex toy or tongue for the points in the genital area. Use the diagrams here to get acquainted with the location of the points.

During sex, it’s ok to massage the general areas – the abdomen along the midline below the belly button, the lower legs from behind the ankle bone working your way up the leg; and the points in the genital area that feel good to you. (If you want a cheat sheet for the points, go to the end of the article and look for the fireworks picture.)

Without further ado, here are some acupressure points to help you have good sex . . .

The Ren or Conception Vessel. (It’s not just for conception.)

This acupuncture channel runs along the midline of the body beginning at Ren 1, which you’ll see below, and ends at Ren 24 on the chin.

After a long week – or even just a long day – sometimes your partner needs the kind of stress relief that only you can provide. Truth be told, you may not realize the full tension-busting potential you can offer each other as a couple when you massage each other. For a more intimate connection, use something from the K-Y collection to magnify every touch, caress, and stroke.

Pressure Point Massage

You can both say goodbye to daily frustrations you by saying hello to the art of acupressure, a method by which pressure points are stimulated to elicit therapeutic effects. In this helpful guide, you will learn some of the most sensual acupressure points on the human body.

The snake and heel area

There’s apparently more to the idiom “feet first” than you might think. Each foot contains more than 7,000 nerve endings that correspond to every organ and system in the body. As such, the feet are full of pressure points that trigger powerful ripples of pleasure.

The Snake & Heel area is located in the hollows under the anklebones on either side. Rubbing these hollows stimulates the sex organs in both men and women – and may lead to better orgasms, notes Michelle Ebbins, author and renowned expert in acupressure, massage, and touch therapy.

Gate of origin

In the span of space between the belly button and the pelvic bone, there is a highly sensitive region known by acupressure experts as the Gate of Origin. On your man, you might refer to this area as the “happy trail.”

This strip of skin is on the same channel as his perineum, a major erogenous zone. He doesn’t get to have all the fun, though. This area is also highly sensitive for women. It opens sensual energy for both sexes. To stimulate, press very gently at about three to four fingers below the navel.

Rushing door and mansion cottage

Did you know the bend where your leg joins the trunk of your body has a name? In fact, it has two – Rushing Door and Mansion Cottage.

You can rub these linear points located in the pelvic area to free the flow of energy being blocked by pent-up frustrations. Tread lightly at first, in case your partner may be ticklish.

Sea of vitality

If you walk your fingers up from the base of the spine to around mid-back or elbow level, there – approximately 2 inches from the spine on either side – exist points collectively dubbed the Sea of Vitality.

By applying firm pressure with the back of your hands for one to two minutes, you’ll engage hot spots. Plus, who doesn’t love a good back massage? Your partner will adore you for spending time at this sexy pressure point, and vice versa.

About the Author

A native of Charleston, S.C., Julie Sprankles has been writing professionally since 2003. She received a double Bachelor of Arts in English and communications from Charleston Southern University. Formerly editor-in-chief at award-winning shelter publication “Charleston Home + Design Magazine,” Sprankles now enjoys writing and editing full-time.

You already know about the usual suspects, but if you’re looking to amp things up in the bedroom tonight, ask your husband to focus on some parts of your body that you both may have forgotten about.

1. The Mons

The what? You may be unfamiliar with this word, but it’s time to get acquainted, says Michael Krychman, MD, CM, medical director of Sexual Medicine and the executive director of the Southern California Center for Sexual Health and Survivorship Medicine in Newport Beach, California. “The mons, or area above the genitals where the pubic hair grows, can also be interesting when incorporated into the sexual repertoire,” he explains. “Caressing the hair area or gentle touch to this area can also be exciting and pleasurable.” To make it even more enjoyable, try Zestra, a botanical oil designed to increase arousal and sensitivity. Feeling shy or uncomfortable about the most private places of your body, the mons or otherwise? Learning to embrace, and even love, your body for what it is can go a long way in the pleasure department, say experts. In fact, an Indiana University study published in a recent issue of the International Journal of Sexual Health found that women who feel more positively about their genitals have better and more frequent orgasms. (Photo by )

2. Behind the Knees

One of the most-ignored sexual hot spots in the female body? Hint: It’s also a place you might feel really ticklish. According to Dr. Krychman, the skin behind the knees is an area you might ask your husband to focus on, either by kissing or gently massaging with an oil or lotion. “Some women find this area especially exciting and pleasurable when showered with gentle touch or caresses,” he says. And don’t forget the tops of the knees, too, adds Ava Cadell, a sex educator and founder of Loveology University in Los Angeles. “The knees are a major erogenous zone—all around the kneecap. This is one place where a little nibbling is often welcome too.” (Photo by )

3. The Abs

While it might sound like a ticklish scenario, letting your partner stroke or even massage your belly can be an erotic experience for some women, says Amy Levine, a New York City–based sex coach, certified sexuality educator and founder of SexEdSolutions.com. In fact, she adds, in some rare cases, women have been able to reach orgasm simply by doing certain abdominal exercises. “It’s unlikely that the majority of us will be able to experience the same effect,” she says, “but incorporating some ab work in the bedroom could help get you in the mood. Not to mention, the thought of his moving farther south can be downright exciting, likely causing your vaginal muscles to contract from the anticipation, boosting your arousal and possibly leading to climax without direct genital contact.” (Photo by )

4. The Lips

Want to have better sex tonight? Try this exercise: Spend at least five minutes kissing before intercourse. “Lips remain one of the most erotic areas of a woman’s body,” Dr. Krychman says. Here’s how to rev things up: “Vary the strength and intensity of kisses,” he suggests. “Even if you gently caress the lips with a finger—you may find this exhilarating.” (Photo by )

5. The Scalp

You love it when your hair stylist gives your head a massage while she’s shampooing, right? Well, get your husband in on the action, too. Here’s why: Your scalp is covered with nerve endings that make it super-sensitive to the touch, explains Cadell. She, and other experts, say that a good scalp rub may not only release tension but also may increase blood flow—flooding your body with the feel-good hormones dopamine and serotonin. (Photo by )

6. The Feet

“What can be a relaxing and soothing ritual after a long day can also be a turn-on for you both,” says Levine. “Some men find women’s feet to be exciting (think: foot fetish) and with the right mindset, you can too.” In fact, the ancient practice of reflexology indicates that certain pressure points in your feet can trigger sexual arousal. Whether it works or not is yet to be determined, but many women do find that a foot massage given by the man they love can spark arousal. Why not see for yourself? If your hubby isn’t sure about where to rub, help him out by getting a pair of Sexy Love Sox, which designate which areas on the foot represent “the body’s erogenous zones.” ($14.95; BasicKnead.com) (Photo by )

7. The Neck

“The neck is a very sensual part of our bodies,” says Levine. “There is nothing like a man you’re attracted to standing behind you, massaging your shoulders and seductively making a trail of soft kisses from the hairline to the base of the neck.” So, here’s your homework assignment, ladies: Ask your husband to show you a little neck love! “Feeling the sensations of his soft lips and imagining where those lips are traveling can really get our juices flowing,” she adds. (Photo by )

Sarah Jio is the health and fitness blogger for Glamour.com. Visit her blog, Vitamin G.

WD wants to answer your toughest sex questions! Submit your most pressing sexual questions to [email protected], and we will address the topic in an upcoming article–anonymity guaranteed.

What impresses a guy most in bed? Surprisingly (or maybe not so, guys do have a reputation for being lazy), most confessed that they’re not all that interested in theatrics or trapeze acts. In fact, many men told us that they’re simple creatures who basically just want their wives to show up. But if you’re looking to give him something extra-special, they’d love a little bit of this.

1. Do It With the Lights On

You may be worried about what your husband thinks of your post-breast-feeding boobs, your C-section scar, or that at some point, he’ll stop being attracted to you because you look a little — OK, a lot—different than you did on your wedding day. But men rarely notice your self-perceived flaws — they only become aware of them if you’re preoccupied with them or go out of your way to cover up. “It’s true, men are very visual,” says relationship expert Bernardo Mendez. “But it’s really about wanting to be able to actually see you move, preferably with no clothes on. We’re validated by how happy we can make you in bed, and that’s what we’re focused on—not on how much you may have changed.” So allow him see you. All of you.

2. Touch Yourself

Some women — and men — might find this a tad embarrassing, but hear us out. “Watching a confident woman fully connect to her sexuality is a huge turn-on for us,” says Mendez. It’s like giving your husband a private peep show, and being able to see the pleasure on your face and get a better understanding of exactly how you like to be touched is both a turn-on and a valuable lesson.

3. Use Your Mouth

Call us Captain Obvious, but… “I cannot stress this enough: We love getting blow jobs,” says dating coach Todd Valentine. “And we love when you take it upon yourselves — no asking or begging required—to give us one.” So go ahead and surprise him, and not just because it’s his birthday or you lost a bet.

4. Be Vocal

We’re not suggesting frighteningly fake porn star-moans, butmen want to know when you’re enjoying yourself. “That doesn’t necessarily mean you need to talk dirty,” says Valentine. “Commands — like ‘f— me harder’ — can make us freeze up. Telling us when you like something—’I love it when you f— me hard’— is far better.” You might wonder the point of “oohs” and “ahhs” after all these years — after all, he likely knows what works by now. But if you let yourself go and gasp a little like old times, you may be surprised by how he respond to that validation — and what his renewed excitement will do to you.

5. Focus On His Sensitive Spots

The tip of his penis should be paid special attention, says Valentine. “Handle with care, but know that a flick of the tongue here and there will leave your husband speechless.”

6. Get Frisky Anywhere But In Bed

“Men fantasize about having sex in different places,” says Dr. Scott Haltzman, author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men. While routine sex has its place, he sometimes wants to do something different—and that’s good for you too. One day, head to Ikea in search of a faux bear-skin rug (spare him the trip) and get wild in front of your fireplace. Or simply straddle him on the couch while the kids are at a sleepover — just make sure the TV is turned off behind you.

7. Slow Down

We’ve all been there: You’re totally exhausted and trying to get it over with or you’re simply caught up in what’s happening and your body naturally goes fast. But decelerating can be powerful. “Men like being able to feel everything and to have time to explore,” says Valentine. “For example, if you’re performing oral sex, take him all the way in and out very slowly so he’s just barely touching your mouth.” Once you’re done teasing him you can go full throttle, but in the beginning, a light technique goes a long way.

8. Show Off Your Acting Chops

“Many married men worry they’re going to get bored of having sex with just one woman,” says Haltzman. That’s why role-playing is so effective. In addition to having you — his fabulous wife —your husband can also get feisty with the “barista” or “maid.” “Entering into fantasy-mode automatically increases levels of dopamine, the arousal hormone, and elevates your sense of attachment,” adds Haltzman. So even after you’re through getting down with the “cop” or “pirate,” you’ll feel closer to each other for having done something novel together.

9. Never Underestimate the Power of Foreplay

Sure, guys have a reputation for wanting to get it on within seconds, but don’t get forget that the buildup can be just as hot. Whether it’s a sexy text you send to get him excited or slowly disrobing for an impromptu a striptease, try getting him revved up before you even start. Why rush to the main event when you can build up to something even hotter?

10. Let Him Dominate You

Couples so often get into a sex routine — same time of night, same place, same position. And while your husband may not make an active move to change things, men want to have the power to switch up patterns and take total control, says Haltzman. Get out one of his silk ties, have him bind your hands together, and let him take it from there. We suspect you won’t regret it.

11. Do Something Taboo

Most of the men we spoke with confided that they’re interested in trying — or having more — anal sex. “The almost forbidden nature of this act and the vulnerability it requires from you make it something men really want to experience, but don’t want to suggest out of fear of offending you,” says Mendez. If you’d be up for experimenting with anal and suspect your husband would enjoy it, initiate a conversation. Not quite ready for anal just yet? Try these almost-anal positions.

12. Touch the Unexpected Places

Did you know that men have a lot of places that can be erogenousof places, besides the penis? There are semi-obvious places like a guy’s torso or inner-thoughts, but don’t forget lesser-thought of sexy sports, like his temples or behind his knees.

13. Indulge His Fantasy

Sometimes, it just pays to ask. Just like no two women are the same, no two men are the same — and neither are their fantasies. Ask your partner what his ultimate sexy wish is, and then indulge exactly that. Whether he’s been dying to see you in a certain type of lingerie or have you dominate him, you’ll only know if you ask. Assuming you’re in a healthy, honest relationship, he’ll be happy to open up.

14. Dress Up

Never ever underestimate the power of a see-through teddy to get your guy standing tall. “Anything that makes a woman feel good in her body and sexually confident is very sexy,” says sex and relationship therapist Megan Fleming, Ph.D. And nothing is sexier to your guy than confidence. I can personally attest to this fact; my man cannot resist this sexy little (and I emphasize little) red nightie that a nonchalantly stroll around in on occasion. But it’s not even just wearing the lingerie. It’s the tease, the sexy text you send him letting him know you bought some lingerie but he has to wait until the evening. Take your time and take charge, because the ball is in your court and your man wants it all.

15. Indulge In Some Prostate Play

The prostate might be new territory for you, or it might be new territory for you and your guy, or maybe he’s been too shy to ask for a finger up his butt, but don’t leave the prostate unattended. It’s time to show your guy how much pleasure he is missing in his derrière. “A lot of the penis is internal; it almost looks like a boomerang,” explains Fleming. With back-door play, “you’re massaging these internal nerve endings and that can feel really good.” Start by adding a finger when you’re both highly aroused. Soon enough, he’ll be wondering why he wasn’t already experimenting with prostate play. “It’s definitely worth testing those waters,” says Fleming.

16. Expand Your Menu

It’s easy for any couple to get in a sexual rut. “What happens in a relationship is everything you like and your partner like stays on the menu, but anything either of you doesn’t like, isn’t tried,” explains Fleming. “So make a list of yes/no/not for now and over time as you develop the intimacy, the safety, and the connection, then you can be like ‘OK, why don’t we go back and visit role play or go back and revisit anal play.'” It’s that simple! Think of all the fun you’ll have writing the list out together. (And how much easier your sex life will be when the two of you aren’t scrambling to think of new sex positions in the heat of the moment.)

17. Incorporate a Toy

Think sex toys are just for when you want to get off solo? Think again — there are plenty of sex toys out there that are meant for both of you. You could also give him a sexy show and let him watch you use your new favorite vibrator.

18. Talk Dirty

This is your chance to get creative. There are plenty of super sexy things women can say to men in bed that will make the experience hotter for both of you. Because let’s be real: There’s nothing more attractive than someone who’s open about what she likes.

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4. Be patient — with yourself and with her. Sex therapists have a saying: “What young men want to do all night takes older men all night to do.” Reframe that truism just a bit, however, and you discover a boon to older sex: A perennial complaint of younger women has to do with young men who rush into genital play before the woman feels warmed up and receptive. An older man’s slower pace of arousal dovetails nicely with what women prefer, enhancing erotic compatibility. So before either of you reaches for your partner’s undercarriage, cuddle and kiss playfully: Use slow, sensual massage to touch each other all over, from scalp to toes. After 30 minutes or so, she’s likely to feel sufficiently aroused to enjoy genital play. (And chances are good that you will, too.)

5. Embrace the new. What makes the early months of a love affair so passionate? Dopamine. This brain chemical, a neurotransmitter, spikes when people fall in love. But your dopamine levels return to normal after a year or so; this may make arousal problematic for an older man. To reclaim the ever-ready excitability of early romance, use novelty to boost your dopamine levels (and thus enhance arousal). This is why sex therapists urge couples to add new elements to their sex lives, such as making love in a new way, or at a different time, or in a different place. A romantic weekend getaway might present the perfect opportunity to achieve all three.

6. Tweak your fantasies. Sex is built on friction and fantasy. Most people are familiar with the friction, but some feel uncomfortable with fantasies, where everything’s permitted and nothing’s taboo — including acts you would never perform in real life. So if you’re having arousal difficulties, let your imagination go wild.

One of the most common erotic fantasies is having sex with someone who is not your regular partner. Some women condemn such “mental unfaithfulness,” but if visions of an old flame heat your blood, there’s no harm in daydreaming. Many men — including older guys struggling with arousal — get turned on by pornography (men over 45 constitute 41 percent of the Internet porn audience). Again, no harm in that, as far as I’m concerned — so long as your viewing of X-rated material to get aroused doesn’t grow compulsive.

Also of interest: How sex changes for men after 50.

Former Playboy adviser Michael Castleman answers your sex questions free of charge at GreatSexAfter40.com.

12 Women On What They Desire Before, During, And After Sex

/ Lucky Business

I often get questions about whether or not guys enjoy foreplay. The truth is this: they really enjoy it! If you do foreplay right, then you are both going to enjoy love making a whole lot more. These seven foreplay tips from the Bad Girl’s Bible will show you exactly what to do to make foreplay enjoyable for both of you:

1. How you look.

Remember, guys are visual by nature. They get turned on by what they see. So, taking care of how you look is a high priority if you want to turn your man on and arouse him. Think of this as a ‘pre’ foreplay tip to use before you even begin touching him. If you are both going to a party together, dressing up in something sexy and hot is going to start turning your man on hours before you start getting physically intimate. This is great for building sexual tension with him.

2. Talk dirty.

Talking dirty is another one of my pre-foreplay tips to use on your man throughout the day, before you are both alone together, as well as during foreplay itself. This is to build the sexual tension and have your man salivating for you. Many people believe that talking dirty involves you using various expletives and bad language on your partner. They believe that the crazier they sound, the better. This, thankfully, isn’t true. It’s much easier than that!

You just need to tell him what you enjoy, why he turns you on and what you want to do to him. As well as this, it’s always a good idea to throw in some vague statements to keep him guessing and thinking about you. This site has some great examples to use on your man, both during foreplay and when making love.

3. Learn how to be a good kisser.

Too many people think that kissing is a boring foreplay technique. It’s not boring at all. And if you do it with passion and intensity like I teach on my site, then it can be incredibly hot! The key is taking the initiative. In other words, you need to kiss your man first before he gets a chance to kiss you.

One thing you can do to make this foreplay tip hotter is by getting a little more aggressive:
Try squeezing one of his lips between your lips.

Gently bite one of his lips between your teeth (Remember: be gentle!)

Use your hand to move his head to one side or the other so that you can change where you kiss him.

Switch from kissing him on the lips to sucking his ear lobe to kissing him on the neck.

Don’t forget to kiss the rest of his body!

4. Learn how to use your hands.

While kissing your man, you can incorporate another foreplay tip, which is touching and massaging your man with your hands. Rather than give you a whole course on how to do it like on my site, here are the main things to keep in mind when touching him. Use these tips:
Alternate how passionately you touch him. At first touch him and caress him very softly, then later grab him and hold him tight. You may even want to try using your nails sometimes!

Try dragging your fingertips over his arm as lightly as possible. It tickles, but feels incredible.

Your man’s inner thighs, cheeks, ears, neck and the back of his head are most sensitive…speaking of which.

5. Massage his scalp.

Massaging your man’s scalp is one of those forgotten foreplay tips that feels wonderful for your man (and when your man does it to you, too!). You can do it while you are just sitting down beside each other, when you are lying in bed, when you are kissing each other or even while making love, too. But don’t just scrape his head with your nails! To massage his scalp, start from the bottom near the back of his neck or just above his ear.

Keeping your hand loose, start to slowly push your fingers through his hair up towards the top of his head. When you reach the top of his head, curl your fingers slightly and gently bring them down in the opposite direction, lightly scratching his head.

7. Give him even more wonderful pleasure. If you really want to learn how to give your man incredible oral sex then you may be interested in the techniques from this powerful tutorial video.

How to pleasure man?

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