“I think I just wanted to be more self-aware and mindful of what I was putting out there,” she says. Shapiro and more than 1,000 other people signed up for the Complaint Restraint project, established by Thierry Blancpain and Pieter Pelgrims. The goal? Creating a more positive life by eliminating negative statements. “There’s no secret sauce,” the website says. “Simply stop complaining.” But is it that easy? What’s so bad about complaining, anyway?
Griping comes naturally for us. During an average conversation, we lob complaints at each other about once a minute, according to research. There’s a social reason for that. “Nothing unites people more strongly than a common dislike,” says Trevor Blake, author of Three Simple Steps. “The easiest way to build friendship and communicate is through something negative.”
Also, evolution primes us to focus on the negative for self-defense, says Jon Gordon, author of The No Complaining Rule. “The more we look at something that can hurt us and kill us, we are programed to be on guard against that.”
But all of that whining comes with a cost. When we complain, our brains release stress hormones that harm neural connections in areas used for problem solving and other cognitive functions. This also happens when we listen to someone else moan and groan. “It’s as bad as secondhand smoke,” Gordon says. “It’s secondhand complaining.” Just as smoking is banned in most offices, Blake says he’s banned complaining among his team members. “I give them one chance, and if I catch them a second time, that’s it for them.”
That seems a little harsh, doesn’t it? Swearing off something that comes naturally to us seems like a setup for failure. Indeed, Blancpain and Pelgrims, creators of Complaint Restraint, admit they fail their mission miserably every year. “Things you do habitually are really hard to give up,” says Joanna Wolfe, a professor of English at Carnegie-Mellon University. “Have you ever tried to eliminate the ‘you knows’ and ‘uh-huhs’ from your speech? It is extremely difficult.”
And sometimes we absolutely need to vent. It feels good, doesn’t it? One study showed that bottling emotions could shorten your life by an average of two years.
- 6 Ways to Finally Stop Complaining for Good
- How to Stop Complaining So Much
- The truth about whining, complaining, bitching & moaning
- I Stopped Complaining for 21 Days and It Changed My Relationships
- Possible Origins Of Complaints
- Consequences Of Complaining All The Time
- 5 Tips To Stop Complaining
6 Ways to Finally Stop Complaining for Good
Complaints are everywhere: On Twitter when flights are delayed, in most of your conversations, and probably on your mind right now (*ugh* Mondays).
In part, today’s fast-paced society fuels complaints, argues Paul Davidson, Ph.D., a behavioral psychologist at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston, MA. “While we used to give people plenty of time to respond to requests, with immediate access through our cell phones, we feel more pressured and impatient to get things done in the moment.” When we don’t, or when someone takes f-o-r-e-v-e-r to do something? We complain. (Related: Why You Really Need to Stop Answering Emails In the Middle of the Night)
But here’s the thing: Complaining-and thinking that in order for the world to be a tolerable place, something or someone has to change-weakens our ability to control some of our circumstances (or at the very least, our reactions to them), says Davidson.
Even more? “Research has shown that repetitive complaining can actually rewire your brain so that negativity becomes somewhat of a default setting,” says Adam D. Borland, Psy.D., a psychologist at the Cleveland Clinic. (No thanks!) And a constant stress cycle can potentially impact immune functioning, weight, blood pressure and cholesterol, and even memory and learning down the road, he notes. (Related: 20 Simple Stress Relief Techniques)
But here’s the worst part about complaining: It prevents us from seeing the good-a sunny day, a little note your husband left you, the way a good workout leaves you feeling. “With complaining, nothing seems good enough; finding the fault in a situation becomes the norm. Complaining may lead to expecting the worst and disappointment,” says Borland.
Cut out complaining-and build back some happy-with these six tips.
1. Before you complain, take a sec.
Ask yourself: What can I do to improve this situation? Maybe the answer is absolutely nothing except to focus on your reaction. That’s fine. Davidson notes that analyzing a situation can help you understand what’s in your control, what’s not, and what kinds of *constructive* actions you can take. A few deep breaths or a short walk after a stressful situation can give you the emotional distance you need to come up with a better plan than venting, he says.
2. Spot dysfunctional thoughts.
We all do it, but overgeneralizing (this train is *always* late), catastrophizing (because I messed up, I’m never going to get another big work project again), or assuming you know what others are thinking (my boss is annoyed that I asked for that day off) can cause us to spiral-and then complain. Instead, seek out *actual* (keyword) evidence to support a more balanced perspective, suggests Davidson. Example: Has your boss truly done anything to indicate she’s bothered by your day-off request? Or are you nervous about creating a bad impression and being overly critical of your ask? Looking for proof (or a lack of it) can put the world in perspective-and take you out of your own head.
3. Put yourself in someone else’s shoes.
So, your best friend has bailed on you the last three times you’ve tried to get together. Instead of unloading onto another friend, consider what might be making her bail. “What you are reacting to may have much less to do with you and more about what another person is going through,” says Davidson. And hey, it could even lead to a productive convo with your BFF, too.
4. Say thanks.
“When you focus on what is right in your life, it takes the spotlight off the negative and creates a sense of enrichment,” says Davidson. “The more you do this, the more you strengthen the well-known attitude of gratitude, which dramatically decreases complaining.” Before bed, write down a few things you’re thankful for. Or, pick up a gratitude journal on Amazon to write in every a.m. (Related: 5 Proven Health Benefits of Gratitude)
5. Clean up your vocab.
“Being less judgmental in the language we use for ourselves encourages us to do the same for how we speak about others, leading to fewer complaints,” says Davidson. Monitor “loaded phrases” such as “should,” “could of,” and “would of” in conversations with ourselves and others, suggests Borland. Try to compliment yourself and others where possible, too-even in response to small accomplishments.
6. Be a little confrontational.
Really bothered by something someone did or said or feel like there’s an injustice that needs to be settled? Speak up. Saying something like: When you ___, I feel ___, and would appreciate it if you would ___, invites discussion, says Davidson. You’re constructively sharing your feelings rather than simply complaining.
How to Stop Complaining So Much
Complaining is something that everyone does to varying degrees. Whether it’s grumbling over a long checkout line or bitching about the morning commute, we all feel the need to open up the ‘ol vent once in a while. This is natural and healthy. As with anger, it’s never good to bottle up your feelings. However, when complaining becomes habitual, it can hurt everything from our work lives to our relationships with our friends and family.
It’s easy to dismiss a chronic complainer as just a malcontent, but experts say there may be more going on. “It’s important to note that people with a marked tendency to complain are not all driven by the same inner forces,” says mental health counselor Kerith Edwards. Edward explains that chronic complaining could be a result of everything from frustration and betrayal to anxiety and mistrust.
So, complaining can be a marker of many different things. But it’s still a bad habit that needs to be avoided. And, with some self-awareness and diligence, you can cut greatly cut down on the complaints. So, if complaining is holding you back, here are some steps you can take to get your mind and your mouth focused on more positive things.
Write Your Complaints Down
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A habitual complainer generally has a tendency to air their grievances to anyone in earshot. So, the next time something really wears at you, don’t say anything. Instead, write it down in a journal. This allows you to get out your gripe without implicating yourself or annoying others. “Journaling can be a great way to collect your thoughts and begin to work through them on your own,” says life coach Elizabeth Su. “If free-writing is too overwhelming, try using a prompt like: ‘What’s actually going on here?’, ‘How does this make me feel?’ or ‘Given this, how do I want to move forward?’”
When possible, actually removing yourself from a situation can be the best way to break the cycle of complaining. Immediate physical activity is best. But even if you can’t do that in the moment, experts agree that even something as simple as a daily walk can help drain the negativity from your mind and give you a new perspective. “Research shows that walking can be a great form of stress reduction,” says Su. “So whether you schedule in a daily 30-minute walk over lunch or just a brief five-minute walk when a particular issue arises, you will undoubtedly benefit from a breath of fresh air.”
Refresh Your Friend List
The old saying that misery loves company is very true, and if you surround yourself with people who share your penchant for whining, you’ll feed off of each other. The result will be a spiral of complaining that could prove impossible to break out of. “If you catch yourself in a worse mood or complaining more after you hang out with a particular friend or colleague,” says Su, “you may want to re-evaluate how much time you spend with this person.”
Get to the Root of the Issue
In order for you to successfully work habitual complaining out of your daily routine, it’s necessary to understand what it is that’s driving you to do it in the first place. Edwards suggests choosing one topic that particularly gets under your skin and then condensing all of the complaints into a “core” complaint.
For example, if you tend to complain about your significant other, try and figure out if there is one issue at the heart of these complaints that then give rise to all the others (“He/She doesn’t listen to me when I try and talk to him/her about my problems, my feelings, or what’s happening in my life.”) From there, you need to go deeper, trimming away as much of the fat around that complaint as possible: “He/She doesn’t listen to me.”
Once you’ve been able to condense that complaint, Edwards says, you can begin to restructure and reframe it, looking at it in a new way. And, out of that reframing, revelations might occur. (“He/She doesn’t listen to me,” might become “He/She doesn’t listen because I complain too much.”)
It can be challenging and painstaking to strip away the layers in this way, Edwards says, but the rewards will be worth it. “Regardless of the reason for or source of the complaining, it is a negative and painful psychological position to take in relationship to self and others,” he says. “To wean oneself from chronic complaining, it is necessary to invest energy and intention in the change process.”
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The truth about whining, complaining, bitching & moaning
So…you’ve found yourself around someone who keeps whining, complaining, bitching and moaning and…it’s annoying, right? So you want to know what to do about it, how to handle what they’re doing but perhaps in a way that’s kind.
I’ll be honest: when I’m around someone who is chronically whining, complaining, bitching and moaning it’s as difficult for me as it is for anyone else. The energy of those dynamics is one of powerlessness. If we’re not conscious of it, we take on the energy of those dynamics when other people display them (note that both the consciousness and the taking on of the energy is our responsibility; the so-called “energy vampires” of the world are as much a figment of one’s imagination as Twilight. No one can “take” your energy unless you’re giving them access to a vein).
But here’s the thing: those people who annoy us with their whining, bitching, complaining and moaning? They’re not doing it because they’re awful people. They’re doing it because they’re in pain.
I was particularly thinking about this recently when I noticed myself…whining, complaining, bitching and moaning.
A lot. Oy.
Why people start whining, complaining, bitching and moaning
When I noticed that I myself was doing a lot of whining, complaining, bitching and moaning, I did what has now become a (courageous) habitual response to uncomfortable things: I practiced the courage to get curious about what I was doing, rather than berate myself via the inner critic for not being better, in the first place.
What was happening? What were my default responses? What fears arose?
Examining what it is that I want to shift in my life is a regular practice (want some help with that? Check out the free Shift Plan):
Here’s what I learned when I asked myself these questions. You might find that this resonates for you, too:
- I was doing those things because I was tired. Afraid. Overwhelmed. The whining, complaining, bitching and moaning, while it didn’t sound so very great, was coming up because I had an overload of feelings and a need for an outlet.
- I am afraid of the rejection of others if I am “caught” whining, complaining, bitching or moaning. I am afraid that they will talk about me behind my back, write me off, not invite me to parties, or tell me outright while I am in the midst of those tired/scared/afraid/overwhelmed feelings, that I need to “Quit complaining!” Because of my fear of this rejection, I was hiding those feelings.
- Every time I see someone post on Facebook or social media about how “people need to watch that negative energy they put out onto social media,” it intensifies the pressure for me to make sure that whatever I put onto social media is happy-happy-joy-joy.
- Those social media posts also communicate a tacit message from the person who would post such a thing: “I’m not going to have compassion for you, even when you’re having a tough time. I don’t really want to know if you’re having a tough time. I’d prefer it if you only show the happy-happy-joy-joy parts of your life, so that nothing negative shows up in my Facebook feed.”
- This further intensifies the pressure to hide negative feelings and not talk about them.
- Hiding negative feelings and not talking about them leads to…the overload of feelings. And at some point, mostly everyone with an abundance of mucky stuff built up is going to start feeling like they desperately need at outlet, at which point they…start whining, complaining, bitching, and moaning.
What this means
Maybe, instead of being “bad people” who whine, bitch, moan and complain, we are actually people who are trying to handle a lot of feelings. Maybe those responses are an attempt to release an overload of those feelings.
Maybe we could give ourselves and each other a bit more gentleness with that.
Maybe we could not reject someone who is doing any of these things, but instead get curious, with them: what’s the truth of what they feel, underneath that?
Maybe we could ask each other questions in the face of this behavior, questions such as: “How can I support you, right now?”
Maybe if we did this, people wouldn’t hide those feelings.
===>>> Maybe if people didn’t hide feelings, we wouldn’t also have the phenomenon of people who suffer in silence, or who feel like they can’t be fully who they are, or who show up in their lives going through the motions.
And in a strange, paradoxical way, maybe this would even lead to fewer instances of whining, complaining, bitching and moaning.
Rejecting Vs. Accepting Vs. Rolling Over And Taking It
I’m not saying that this means you’ll need to endlessly listen to someone go on about their problems or that you’re somehow responsible for “fixing” someone else.
I’m saying that if a friend is going on-and-on about her life’s problems, and she knows that you’ll love her no matter what, she might just vent out what’s happening for her, feel better, and move on. Or perhaps she’s going to be more open to that moment when you say, “I’m noticing that there’s a lot going on for you, right now. It sounds intense. How can I support you in shifting it?”
I don’t think that most friends, when offered this kind of support, would just do it, anyway. Complaining doesn’t feel good in the body. People don’t consciously choose things that don’t feel good. People choose things that don’t feel good only when they don’t realize that they have other options, or they understand that they have other options but knowing better doesn’t automatically mean being able to do better.
We live in a world where things can be very, very tough for all of us with the right circumstances. I’m only suggesting that perhaps we could create more room for validating that when someone’s going through a tough time, it just feels tough–and that we’re okay with the fact that they feel those things.
Making Different Choices
You might try something sort of new and radical: start creating containers for your W/C/B/M moments. Search out those friends who “get it” that when you’re upset and dealing with a lot, you need to vent it out–and give them the permission slip to stop you at X minutes into this and say, “How can I support you in shifting that?”
That lets you get the feelings out, while offering a responsible boundary for them to enact.
You might also stop judging yourself when you notice your own W/C/B/M moments, and start getting curious. Why do they happen? What’s the truth that exists underneath them?
Finally, you might also make it clear that you won’t judge others when they go into that space. You won’t post the Pinterest pins or share the Facebook status updates that indicate that if someone else experiences negative emotion (gasp!) that you’ll spend more time judging them than you would offering support.
What helps me out of my own whining, complaining, bitching and moaning mode, every time? Someone who’s willing to sit with me enough to let me be heard. In that compassion, I can find a willingness to also be a friend to myself.
Any of us can do the same. You might even start, right now.
Structuring your complaints this way also helps the listener better understand where you’re coming from.
2. Don’t complain about what you created
When fielding complaints, don’t complain about a decision or a situation you created. Own it! It’s the fastest way to change your “karma” from being the victim of circumstances to being empowered to change them.
Take control and find more than one solution. You’ll start moving in a different direction and take yourself from “helpless and hopeless” to “helpful and happier.”
Even if it’s ultimately not the right answer, it will help create positive momentum.
3. Notice your surroundings
If you absolutely need to let out steam, consider the people around you first. You just never know who’s behind that door.
The problem with gripe-fests in the workplace is that they tend to happen in some secret or “safe” place, like the bathroom.
Yet we’ve all had to uncomfortably listen to someone complain or gossip, and then — surprise! — a stall door opens and out comes someone unexpected. (If it’s your boss, you’ll have some explaining to do.)
4. Banish the “but…”
Nothing shoots down a group discussion faster than the word “but.”
When one person floats an idea and another jumps in with “but,” what comes next is always negative. And it invariably leads to disagreement. To improve team effectiveness, start replacing “but” with “and”: “That’s an interesting idea, and you might also consider…”
Give it a try — you might actually feel the energy in the room start to rise.
Gary Burnison is the CEO of Korn Ferry, a global consulting firm that helps companies select and hire the best talent. His latest book, a New York Times best-seller, “Lose the Resume, Land the Job,” shares the kind of straight talk that no one — not a spouse, partner, mentor or anyone else – will tell you. Follow him on LinkedIn here.
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I Stopped Complaining for 21 Days and It Changed My Relationships
It was a Monday morning, and I woke up realizing the rent check needed to be mailed. But my checkbook was nowhere to be found. While rummaging through my desk drawers, trying to track the damn thing down, I spewed at my husband: “Why do you always throw things all over the place? It bugs me to no end that this space is always a hot mess, no matter how many times I organize it each week because you never put things back where they belong!”
As soon as I said it, I bit my tongue, took a deep breath, and switched the purple bracelet that I had placed on my left wrist that morning over to my right.
Less than an hour into day one of my complaint-free detox and I had already failed. Oops.
Let me explain: I decided to quit complaining after reading about “A Complaint Free World,” a movement that Will Bowen started in 2006 and has since been highlighted by the likes of Oprah and Maya Angelou. The idea is simple: Wear a bracelet on your wrist as a visual reminder that you’re trying to quash the unnecessary negativity coming out of your mouth, and don’t let a complaint pass your lips for 21 days (the time some researchers think it takes to anecdotally form a new habit after performing the same behavior over and over, says Bowen). If you flub up, move the bracelet to the other wrist and start again.
Why it matters: Bowen says the average person complains 15 to 30 times a day and doesn’t even realize it because complaining is a competitive sport that’s easy to participate in. “No one ever complains, and then you try to complain less than they did,” he says. “The next person always tries to out-complain the first because they want to connect.” Before you know it, you’re sitting around a table with a bunch of friends, each of you trying to one-up the next with “my life is so insane” humble brags.
It’s that desire to connect with another person that’s rooted in our almost-reflex-like tendency to b*tch and moan, says Robin Kowalski, Ph.D., professor of psychology at Clemson University and author of Complaining, Teasing, and Other Annoying Behaviors. “Complaining is a behavior that literally everyone engages in, albeit to different degrees,” she says. “There’s a normalcy to it, and it serves various functions. But for a lot of people, it’s an ice breaker; a way to find common ground with other people or confide in them.”
But that doesn’t mean it’s the only way to connect—nor is it a healthy one. First off it creates more stress. Secondly, Bowen says it’s damaging to relationships, as the negative energy drags down the intimacy you and your partner share. “Plus, if you’re complaining about your significant other, then you continually look for those things that you’re complaining about,” he adds. “So it’s like you’re perpetuating the behavior in that person because you’re constantly on the lookout for it and always bringing it up.”
Not to mention the adverse reactions being a debbie downer can have on your health. “People who complain frequently tend to play this negative soundtrack about themselves and their lives all the time,” says Bowen. “This causes your cortisol levels to get all jacked up, which raises stress and blood pressure, weakens your immune system, and impacts the circulatory system because you’re staying in this hyper-sensitive state of upset.” Bowen notes that studies have even shown that people who complain consistently tend to have more heart problems, are at higher risk for cancer, and are likely to carry more body fat.
So really, when I went about my day thinking a complaint here and there was NBD, I was wrong. Very wrong.
That said, it certainly wasn’t easy to give up my daily habit, and I had to start back at square one a few times. Bowen says that’s normal, and it takes some people more than a month to actually make it through one day without voicing a complaint. “You’re trying to change a behavior that you’re not even aware of,” he says. “So it takes time to change, and many need that first month just to get used to the idea.”
I had made it a week without sharing any negativity when I ran into a friend who started complaining about our current book club read. It was no biggie, and I may have been able to let the commiserating opportunity pass if the circumstances had been different. But I had just ridden the subway next to a kid who had vomited all over the floor, and a mom who refused to get him off the train while he continued to purge. I had resisted the urge to text my husband about it, and instead typed out my frustration in the Notes section of my phone because Kowalski says writing down our complaints, instead of talking about them, is a therapeutic way to break the habit. (And Bowen says it doesn’t count as a complaint if you don’t verbalize it.) But after a stressful week of work and a hefty case of PMS settling in, I knew I was walking on thin ice. So when my friend started complaining about how terrible the book was—an opinion I wholeheartedly shared—I caved. I couldn’t help it! But honestly, I didn’t regret it. It felt good to get an emotion off my chest. Good because I wasn’t keeping everything locked inside. Good because I felt like I was bonding with a friend I hadn’t seen in a while.
But then I felt guilt. Before my detox, I wouldn’t have given my words a second thought. This time, though, I felt bad about criticizing this writer who had obviously worked hard to create a book that she was proud of. Sure, I still think the critique was accurate but was it necessary? Probably not. And it cost me a bracelet switch, plus a trip back to square one.
Bowen says this was an important lesson-learning moment for various reasons. First, registering that feeling of guilt afterward means I reached the third of four stages in the detox, which is known as conscious competence. He says that’s when you’re sticking with the complaint-free culture, but you’re very aware of what comes out of your mouth and what you choose—or don’t choose—to say. Eventually, the goal is to reach unconscious competence, when you simply don’t b*tch and don’t have to constantly think about whether or not you’re complaining (I’m getting there).
Second, both he and Kowalski said that rush of relief I felt venting a small emotion meant I probably needed to clarify the difference between “expressive” and “instrumental” complaining. “You shouldn’t just shut up and suck up whatever the world sends your way and whatever it is you’re feeling,” says Bowen. “That’s actually the opposite of what you want to do.”
Expressive complaining, Kowalski says, is usually cathartic and what we do when trying to blow off steam. Instrumental complaining, however, is a healthy way of communicating your feelings to someone else who is directly related to the problem because you want to bring about a certain goal. So when I tell my work wife that I can’t believe my husband left his clothes all over the bedroom floor again, that’s complaining. But when I tell him—without getting snippy about it—that it bothers me, that’s feedback that he’ll hopefully take into consideration the next time he’s deciding whether he should take the few extra steps to toss his shirt in the hamper. (P.S. He’s working on it. Progress!)
“People who expressively complain all the time aren’t benefiting in any way,” explains Kowalski. “But complaining strategically, when it’s appropriate and to the right person, can help release your inhibition and ultimately make you closer with that other individual.”
Those clarifications propelled me into a new state of dedication to this process, and my lips stayed zipped for the next week. I started putting some of Kowalski’s tips into practice: Redirecting the complaint from a friend in a more positive direction, starting a conversation with a compliment (because yep, most of us tend to kick-start a convo with a humble-brag downer), and writing down my frustrations. All of it helped, but the last one really resonated when I took the time to write on paper at the end of my day, versus typing into my phone whenever I remembered. “When a problem festers in our mind and we give ourselves time to mull it over, we can easily turn it into a huge deal,” says Kowalski. “But when we put it down on paper, the simple act of doing that makes it feel like it’s not so big anymore. It helps put things back into perspective.”
And then, when I knew I had a stressful week ahead of me, I turned to a little outside help. Not only did I ramp up my workout routine, squeezing in a few extra classes where I could because a myriad of research has shown the stress-busting benefits of a solid sweat, but I also swiped on all natural, certified organic The Mood Factory deodorant. The company developed eight scents that, based on psychological research, may help elevate your mood when you take a whiff. And while I didn’t necessarily stick my face in my armpit, I didn’t mind inhaling the Happiness (a blend of lemon, bergamot, mandarin, grapefruit and lime) and Renewal (bergamot, basil, scotch pine, lemongrass, rosemary, grand fir and eucalyptus) scents before swiping it on for my workout. Whether it actually worked…the jury’s still out (the exercise itself could be the reason I felt happier). But placebo effect or not, it got me through the next seven days, so you won’t hear any complaints from me—literally.
By the time I hit 21 days complaint-free, I felt proud and surprisingly happier. Not allowing myself to make a fuss made a lot of issues look like small potatoes, and it helped me identify when I really did need to chime in with a concern. The challenge also helped me refine the way I approach a problem, so I feel a lot less whiny. Plus, my friends picked up on the habit. More often than not we shower each other with compliments when we meet up instead of instantly diving into a b*tch-fest. So if this little detox means I get more compliments about my cute sneakers or how strong I look in an Insta photo…well, I won’t complain about that.
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You are likely to complain at any time. Situations exasperate you quickly. Many times your relatives have reproached you for your pessimism. They have always told you that it is important to stop complaining and take life on the right side. You understand their remark and would like to change. Only this attitude is so familiar to you that it has become a reflex for situations that seem to elude you. But, complaining is not incurable and you can heal. Many others have suffered but have been able to cope. I offer you in this article the resources to overcome it. Discover the possible origins of this evil, its consequences and 5 practical tips to get rid of it.
Table of Contents
Possible Origins Of Complaints
We are not born in complaints, but we can grow there. The attitude of complaining about oneself and everything comes from various sources. Practices, situations, and dating may have embedded this habit in you. It is important to know them to better know how to remedy this and stop complaining.
1- Your Education
Do you know that the habit of complaining is a legacy? If no, I’ll tell you. We always inherit it from somewhere or something. One of these sources is education.
The education received can be the cause of the habit of complaining in the life of an individual. It can be parental or social education. Several studies have shown that during childhood, the learning of life is mainly done by observation, listening, and imitation. It is educated as much by what we say as by what we do. The child then learns what he sees and that is what he reproduces. He thus reproduces what he sees his father, his mother, his brothers or sisters, his schoolmaster, his comrades do and say.
Imagine for a moment that a child is growing up in an environment where he has seen people complaining all the time. He will simply imitate them. For him, the complaints will become the norm of adequate life. He will not be able to stop complaining. Also, it may not change even when he is older.
2- Your Friends
Personally, if you constantly complain and refuse to move forward in life, I will not be with you. If you rub too many people who refuse to take life on the right side, you will end up being like them. Soon, you will also begin to complain and soon you will not be able to stop moaning. Remember, bad companies corrupt good morals.
3- Your Failures
When we fail in something, the reflex to complain comes naturally. We complain about ourselves and everything that caused this failure. Only now must understand that failures do not come for you to learn to complain. They are not a reason to complain at any time they are there as a trainer and intervene to encourage us to do better. If we do not conceive it this way, when repeated failures occur, we are no longer able to stop complaining. Many are in this case and have stopped moving forward.
Read The Key Factor Between Failure And Success
4- Being Pessimistic And Complaining?
I’ve heard people say, I’m plaintive, but I do not want to be told that I’m pessimistic. Would there be a difference between the two? The pessimism in common sense refers to the opinion, the state of mind of those who are inclined to believe that everything is going wrong. The complaints are our moans and lamentations. They can be directed against ourselves, against others or situations.
When you look closely, a person can complain without being pessimistic. You can complain without making it a habit. However, the chronic practice of lamentation will make you pessimistic. Do not stop complaining is pessimistic.
Consequences Of Complaining All The Time
The habit of complaining all the time is a source of discomfort. It drains a procession of consequences very unpleasant. These consequences include:
- Pessimism: it prevents you from being positive. You will only see the bad side of things.
- Fear of risk: you will flee any initiative to change things in your life.
- Laziness: you will be hesitant about everything and unfit for success.
- Ineffectiveness: complaints will destroy your potential and your productivity.
- Failure: complaints predispose you to incessant failures and perpetual renewal.
Although these consequences are harmful, it is possible to get out of this state.
The No Complaining Rule
5 Tips To Stop Complaining
As I usually say, nothing is impossible as long as we have the will, we become aware and we decide to take action. So if you want to stop complaining at all times, for everything and nothing, here are 5 tips
1- Cultivate Self-Esteem
Those who complain about themselves at all times very often have a bad image of themselves. This negative and fatalistic view prevents them from appreciating their true worth. You need to start working on self-esteem. This is a good start to stop complaining. Develop self-confidence. Learn to recognize your strengths and weaknesses and accept them. These qualities help you to be positive and to take an optimistic view of life.
2- Cultivate Gratitude
The culture of gratitude is an excellent remedy for complaints. who knows how to be grateful, finds little reason to complain. Not to stop complaining is proof of ingratitude. Gratitude delivers you from dissatisfaction. It helps you to move forward in life. For example, take the habit of keeping a journal of gratitude. It helps you to see all the good things in your life.
3- Be Positive And Optimistic
People who complain all the time are negative and pessimistic. Just be the opposite. Develop positive thinking and optimism. Cultivate this disposition to see things beautiful, not to worry about the present embarrassment and to bode well for the future. What do complainers and pessimists often say? It has not worked, it will not work, we have done everything already, why is this happening to us? “, ” Let’s give up “. Start now to say the constraints of all these sentences.
Check List Of Common Positive Thinking Tips
4- Choose Your Companions
Eh yes! To finish with the complaints, you must be selective in the choice of your friends. Just avoid being intimate with people who refuse to move forward in life and complain about everything. The easiest way to stop complaining is to get along with people who do not have that habit.
5- Change Your Vision Of Failure
Failure may be the cause of your complaints. You even find it normal to complain when a failure occurs. But you are not right. Instead of complaining relentlessly about failure, the attitude to adopt is that of questioning. We must question ourselves to understand the reason for such a result instead of complaints. Failure is a trainer, it is not inevitable. It is important than to stop complaining and get up to correct what has been done wrong.
Also, Read List Of Common Positive Thinking Tips
That car ahead of you is crawling at a snail’s pace. Your coworker constantly interrupts you. Your (fill in the blank: husband, wife, kids) can’t wash the dishes the right way.
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Americans find an alarming number of things to complain about.
“I’ve heard the rate of complaints in American conversations ranges from 70 to 84 percent,” says psychologist Scott Bea, PsyD. “Yet none of us likes to hang out with a complainer.”
Psychologist Susan Albers, PsyD, agrees: “Complaints can be like viruses; it’s important to stay away from complainers.”
Born that way
It’s not necessarily easy. We’re born with brains that have a negative bias. “We tend to focus on things that are not right, rather than attending to all of the rightness around us,” says Dr. Bea.
Let that tendency turn into a habit, and the world quickly becomes an unpleasant or dangerous place. Not a fun way to live!
But here are seven strategies you can try when you hear yourself complaining:
- Step back. Look at the big picture. Will this really matter to you in five minutes, five months or five years?
- Look within. Take your complaint seriously. “What is the real issue — does the small thing irritating you represent a theme or larger issue in your life that should be addressed?” asks Dr. Albers. Take five minutes to journal out your complaint. You may find out why it’s pushing your buttons.
- Make a game of it. Wear a bracelet or rubber band on one wrist. Each time you hear yourself complain, switch it to the opposite wrist. “The goal is to go 30 days with your rubber band or bracelet on the same wrist,” says Dr. Bea.
- Choose the right channel. Consider the best way to privately share your issue: in person, in an email, during a phone call. “Never complain on Facebook!” says Dr. Albers.
- Air valid concerns. Your complaint may address a genuine need that can lead to a solution. “The key is to share your complaint in a kind way that is seen as helpful and not critical,” says Dr. Albers.
- Find the positives. When you have a complaint, start and end with a positive. Otherwise, people will shut down and completely miss your message. “You might say, ‘I love when you get groceries. Next time, please let me know before you leave, and I’ll send you my list. It’s so helpful when we work together,’” suggests Dr. Albers. (Avoid the word “but” — it wipes away the positive.)
- Practice gratitude. Remind yourself each day about one thing you’re grateful for, no matter how small. “If negativity has become a habit, keeping a nightly gratitude journal can start to turn the tide,” says Dr. Bea. “It forces us to think about what we’re grateful for in our lives.” Smartphone gratitude apps can help.
What a change in perspective can do
It takes time to learn patience on the road.
It takes practice to learn tolerance of others’ annoying habits. (Who among us doesn’t have them?)
It takes persistence to learn to let go of little things, like having the dishes done just so.
But “with some effort, you can learn to pay attention to what is right, helpful and uplifting around you,” says Dr. Bea.
You’ll discover that it adds happiness not just to your day — but to your entire life.