50+ Sexual Fetishes You’ve Never Heard Of
- 1. “You know that feeling like you’re going over a hill and you get that swoosh feeling in your stomach?”
- 2. “You know that feeling you get in your chest when you drink something warm on a cold day?”
- 3. “For the love of all that is holy, I want to fuck anyone.”
- 4. “Can’t think about anything else but sex.”
- 5. “It’s like peeing your pants a little and you feel this warm wetness.”
- 6. “It’s the feeling of wanting to be filled so badly that it hurts.”
- 7. “I get pretty sensitive down there and have the urge to hump/rub against anything.”
- 8. “For me it starts in my neck and works its way down.”
- 9. “Okay it’s like this: you’re a little hungry, and there’s this burger joint right down the street.”
- 10. “I have trouble thinking about anything other than my complete desire to be filled.”
- 11. “A mild touch of my hand on my thigh might send me shivering.”
- 12. “Sometimes I have so many other symptoms going on that I don’t even realize it’s horniness.”
- 13. “It’s more like this achy, throbbing desire for pressure.”
- 14. “There’s a tingly sensation as well as a lot of warmth.”
- 15. “Imagine having a meat cave in between your legs that really likes the thought of having something inside of it.”
- 16. “Sometimes I can feel my pulse through my vagina.”
- 17. “Tingly and wet.”
- 18. “The only thing in the entire universe that I want is a tongue lapping at my clit.”
- 19. “Instead of needing to be scratched, you want pressure.”
- 20. “Everything is warm and swollen and wet and the feeling of oh. god. yes.”
- 21. “It’s like an itch that’s impossible to scratch.”
- 22. “Vagina – wet.”
- 23. “You know the weird feeling you get when you have goose bumps?”
- 24. “I feel an overwhelming need to have a penis inside me.”
- 25. “It just starts as a slow dull pulse combined with a pleasurable ache.”
- 26. “It is exquisite torture.”
- 27. “I want to be filled.”
- 28. “Eventually the tingling radiates to my extremities if I let it go long enough.”
- 29. “It’s kind of like feeling queasy, but not quite unpleasant.”
- 30. “I have this strong desire to be defiled.”
- 31. “It’s like that itch on the inside of your hand that you just can’t scratch.”
- 32. “I wonder if that guy has a nice dick. I bet he does.”
- 33. “I feel this heat and physical ache to be fucked.”
- 34. “Sometimes it’s just a want to be held and touched, gently, intimately.”
- 35. “At my horniest I find literally anyone attractive.”
- 36. “It’s like I wanna ram something up my pussy.”
- 4 Signs Women Give Their Guy When They’re TOTALLY Turned On
- Unraveling the mystery of female desire
- Yes, ‘Pee-Gasms’ Happen and It’s Completely Natural
- What is a pee-gasm?
- Is a pee-gasm safe?
- What are alternative ways to feel similar pleasure?
- Doctors warn of dangers in new ‘peegasm’ trend
- There’s One Anatomy Fact That Almost No Man Seems To Know
- Why do I have to pee during sex?
- Do I Need to Pee or Am I Horny? And Other Mysteries of the Female Body
- 1. Do I need to pee or am I horny?
- 2. Is it sweat or is my body leaking?
- 3. Am I balding or just too busy to clean my hairbrush?
- 4. Am I pregnant or, you know, just really, really fit?
- 5. Was it rough sex or is my period coming?
- 6. Am I paranoid or is my doctor sexist?
- 7. Am I turned off or is my vagina entering retirement?
- 8. Am I hungry or is this just PMS?
- Why You Feel Turned On When You Have To Pee
50+ Sexual Fetishes You’ve Never Heard Of
Piotr Marcinski / (.com) Found on AskReddit.
1. “You know that feeling like you’re going over a hill and you get that swoosh feeling in your stomach?”
You know that feeling like you’re going over a hill and you get that swoosh feeling in your stomach?
It’s like that, but in my pants.
2. “You know that feeling you get in your chest when you drink something warm on a cold day?”
You know that feeling you get in your chest when you drink something warm on a cold day? I feel like that, but in my pelvis.
3. “For the love of all that is holy, I want to fuck anyone.”
Its kinda like “Hey, I kinda wanna have sex” then after a while its like “Yeah, a penis around here would be pretty great”.
Then a while later its like, “That dude probably fucks really good. I want to fuck him.”
Then finally, “For the love of all that is holy, I want to fuck anyone.”
4. “Can’t think about anything else but sex.”
Can’t think about anything else but sex. Every word, every phrase. Constant pulsing, panties get wet, clit easily aroused just by moving in a chair. Lips get fat, skin tingles, hyperaware of your breasts in your bra and wanting them to be fondled. Constantly deep breathing trying to control the urges. Neck is hypersensitive, get a look in your eyes like an animal ready to feed.
5. “It’s like peeing your pants a little and you feel this warm wetness.”
It’s like peeing your pants a little and you feel this warm wetness.
Which eventually becomes cold and uncomfortable after a while.
6. “It’s the feeling of wanting to be filled so badly that it hurts.”
Ahh…for me, it’s the feeling of wanting to be filled so badly that it hurts. Like, it physically aches from how badly I need it. And the feeling of wanting to be touched is overwhelming, and craving the weight of a man on top of me.
This is really sad but…I’ve been single for a while, and sometimes it gets so bad/overwhelming that I’ll actually cry :/ Oh god now I’ve made myself sad.
7. “I get pretty sensitive down there and have the urge to hump/rub against anything.”
I don’t know how to describe it from memory, not horny right now. I guess I get pretty sensitive down there and have the urge to hump/rub against anything. I also get butterflies in my stomach.
8. “For me it starts in my neck and works its way down.”
For me it starts in my neck and works its way down. When my toes curl and my body starts twisting in desire it’s usually because I’ve gone from goose bumps all over my body to trying to press myself deeper into my partner. I also almost feel ticklish.
9. “Okay it’s like this: you’re a little hungry, and there’s this burger joint right down the street.”
Okay it’s like this: you’re a little hungry, and there’s this burger joint right down the street. Not a shitty McDonald’s or something—this high-end classy burger joint where everything tastes like heaven.
You’re not hungry hungry, just enough to notice it, but when you do you start thinking about that burger place…and it makes you hungrier, and you start to feel that emptiness in your belly, and you’re like “man, I could go for a burger.” So either A) you go get your burger and it feels so juicy and good and you feel full and happy afterwards and you get all fat and lazy or B) you ignore it/eat something else and it’s okay but it’s not nearly as satisfying.
Mostly (for me, anyway) horny is about scratching that itch and getting that fullness and satisfaction and all the happy hormones. Turned on is a whole different thing altogether and requires intimacy or mental stimulation.
10. “I have trouble thinking about anything other than my complete desire to be filled.”
Starts with a warm, tingling pulsation of my clit and increasing wetness and builds up from there, to the point of frustration where I have trouble thinking about anything other than my complete desire to be filled.
11. “A mild touch of my hand on my thigh might send me shivering.”
So I start off just getting a little bit flushed. I feel mildly hotter all over my body and I start to get really aware of how soft my skin feels. A mild touch of my hand on my thigh might send me shivering. I often rub my thighs together if I’m in public to alleviate the need to move, but it pretty much ends up with me getting hotter.
I can feel myself start to throb and my breathing starts to fluctuate. Then the thoughts start coming, every hot situation you’ve been in, all the guys you thought were cute, and all the fantasies you’ve been having lately. I often find myself thinking about a fantasy and have to abruptly stop or I’ll get really frantic with the need to have sex.
Something that always happens is the need to be filled, I can’t describe it but I just feel empty and want something in me; sliding. Even if you take care of yourself you can still feel the echoing throb, the clenching of your muscles wanting to pull something inside of you.
Yeah, also you get really wet.
12. “Sometimes I have so many other symptoms going on that I don’t even realize it’s horniness.”
Sometimes I have so many other symptoms going on that I don’t even realize it’s horniness. I get very antsy, I just want to go on an adventure. I want to eat good food, drive fast, do something exciting! Then when I finally have sex I’m like, oh that’s all I needed, and I can finally relax.
13. “It’s more like this achy, throbbing desire for pressure.”
Am I the only chick here who doesn’t like the” itch” analogy? That sounds gross. To me, it’s more like this achy, throbbing desire for pressure on the outside parts, and the feeling of needing something in me to grip on. Damnit, now I’m horny.
14. “There’s a tingly sensation as well as a lot of warmth.”
It’s sort of like a craving to be touched that increases the more aroused I am. It spreads through my vulva with a flushing feeling that builds up. There’s a tingly sensation as well as a lot of warmth and I start getting wet. As it all increases I just get this really really tingly and warm feel that makes me have such a strong desire to be touched.
So following up to that, when I’m like just really really aroused there’s this tingly (yes more tingles!) butterflies-in-stomach kind of feeling which basically like pulses throughout my body and into my pussy and it just is a really intense and kind of different response. It’s hard to explain and I’m not sure if it’s like this for others, but it gets really strong. It also makes me feel really dirty…though not in a bad way. On my clitoris and in my vagina is just like this constantly racing and very moist sexual warmth and my legs pretty much spread involuntarily and I get squirmy at this point. There often also comes this strong desire to be…filled. On the topic of wetness, its pretty easy to notice and everything becomes so much more sensitive, not just sexual parts (though they definitely do too) I get a real excited feel in my head, but its also really relaxed at the same time. I just kind of go into a trance lol. My breathing normally speeds up, and mentally I just shift into this more sex-centered zone where I feel this need to be stimulated so very much or if with a partner then things like kiss them.
15. “Imagine having a meat cave in between your legs that really likes the thought of having something inside of it.”
The clit is basically like a little pleasure button with a bunch of nerves bundled up behind it. 99% of the time I forget it’s there because I’m not actively thinking about it, but when I get horny it throbs sometimes. It also gets hard when aroused (this is true of most women I believe). But, when touched on its own, it’s just uncomfortable. It’s more of a pleasure enhancer than the whole experience. If I’m wet, or already having sex, touching it in the right way can make me squirt…which I’m sure you can understand by comparing it to how a man cums.
Also when I’m aroused I get wet (obviously) and my labia gets thicker, and the muscles of my vagina contract. Imagine having a meat cave in between your legs that really likes the thought of having something inside of it, stretching it out and pounding it repeatedly. I know that’s not very helpful but hear me out. Each new thrust inside of the vagina makes all of the walls of the vagina feel a tingly but satisfying pleasure sensation. It builds up, and the more you tease it the more it wants. Each thrust feels so good that when the thing is taken out of it (dildo, penis, whatever) that it misses the feeling and wants it even more… it’s a constant buildup and takeaway.
At the same time, the rest of the lady parts are also engorged and wet and would enjoy teasing too. The g spot is fucking AMAZING. It’s pretty much an insta-cum spot, at least for me. It’s like taking all of the pleasure from sex that gets built up over time and concentrating it one area. My vision goes black and I can only focus on pleasure. But that release eventually leads to fatigue or soreness, it’s like when you eat to curb your appetite but you just keep eating… it can be too satisfying too soon depending on what you’re going for.
Anyway those are just some thoughts in the best way I can articulate them. Feel free to ask any questions.
16. “Sometimes I can feel my pulse through my vagina.”
I saw this thread and thought “I was born for this” because I have the biggest sex drive of anyone I know but then I realized I didn’t have anything interesting to say that hadn’t already been said. Clit gets bigger, feels more sensitive, and warmth from the rush of blood. Sometimes I can feel my pulse through my vagina, which is cool.
I’m a nymphomaniac.
17. “Tingly and wet.”
Tingly and wet. When you want to touch yourself but can’t because you’re in class is the worst. Rubbing your thighs together just gives you a tiny pleasurable sensation.
18. “The only thing in the entire universe that I want is a tongue lapping at my clit.”
It depends on the amount and type of horniness. Whatever I’m craving completely occupies my mind and has different effects on me. I have what I refer to as oral, boob, clitoral, or vaginal horniness. They can all stand alone or there can be a blending of two or more. Descriptions of each horniness in stand-alone mode:
• Clitoral horniness: When this is the only type of horniness I have, the only thing in the entire universe that I want is a tongue lapping at my clit, or maybe something vibrating against it. If there’s no face or toy immediately handy, I can just lay there and fantasize about it for, like, hours. This horniness is the one that makes my clit the most achy and…. throbby. You know how, if you’re ticklish, you can sort of feel someone’s touch already if their hands get close to a ticklish spot? If I’m horny enough, I can almost feel a tongue on me in much the same way.
• Vaginal horniness: Primal, hungry desire to have something inside me. AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. This is the one that causes me to mindlessly hump things. Conveniently, I seem to get wettest with this kind of horniness. Thoughts drift to fantasies of insertion in super slow motion, but I usually act on this kind of horniness more quickly than clitoral.
• Oral horniness: I want a dick in my mouth right now. If I’m in public, I will think about sucking off any halfway decent-looking guy I see. I’ll nervously chew on things or rub my lips a lot to prevent myself from biting them to hell. Eating becomes a more enjoyable/sensual experience. It’s really hard to talk to guys without coming off as aloof.
• Boob horniness: I really, really want my boobs played with/looked at. The thought of having my tits sucked on is the sexiest thing in the world, and I couldn’t care less about getting off. I’m much more likely to try and show them off when I’m feeling this way, or subtly play with them/fondle them in public. I feel weirdly more dominant with this horniness than the other types.
19. “Instead of needing to be scratched, you want pressure.”
A lot of people are describing it as a tingling or warm feeling, but I tend to experience it as almost like the feeling of having an itch, but instead of needing to be scratched, you want pressure. I also find that if I read/see something erotic I feel a pulse/throb.
20. “Everything is warm and swollen and wet and the feeling of oh. god. yes.”
For me, it starts out in a way that I imagine is similar to guys. I start getting distracted. In the car alone or when watching TV, I find myself subconsciously getting restless in my seat or touching my neck. I meet mediocre looking guys and immediately seek to confirm a vacant left ring finger, then start scrounging for their best attributes and justifying why I feel like I’m holding back to keep from pressing my body against them. It clouds everything. Then, once the engines are actually revved and you’re getting down to business with someone who is halfway talented, the touches are amplified, everything gets warm and relaxed, yet intense. I, personally, have a tendency to get needy and rush things. My hips want to grind. Then comes the entrance. Everything is warm and swollen and wet and the feeling of oh. god. yes. That’s what I’ve been looking for! It’s tingly and relaxing and satisfying…
Guys. Tip (ha): Don’t rush that moment. Get in, all the way in, and press your whole body against body, chest to chest, add a deep kiss, hold it for just another second and…then go to town.
21. “It’s like an itch that’s impossible to scratch.”
It’s like an itch that’s impossible to scratch.
It starts with my clit feeling “itchy,” like it needs a thumb or a tongue or a dick on it. Then the sensation builds and builds to where I must.have.clit.scratching.
It’s more a void to be filled than anything else … And once that void is filled, I want more.
I want to be fucked, and flipped over, and ridden hard. I want to be used. I want to be violated in the most fucked-up ways possible. And then … After everything comes galloping to an orgasmic end … I just want to be cuddled. Hugged and felt safe and warm and that’s all. Maybe have my back scratched, in exchange for back scratching.
My nails aren’t long, but they’re scratchy. I want a man who appreciates that.
22. “Vagina – wet.”
Vagina – wet. Brain – wanting to fuck stuff.
23. “You know the weird feeling you get when you have goose bumps?”
Well it’s different for everybody, plus I’m on the fence about what I identify as, but meh.
I’ve always just felt warm (vagina wise) and it just kinda spreads to everywhere the longer it goes on. You know the weird feeling you get when you have goose bumps? I get that on my thighs/waist and have this desperate need to be touched. It’s even better when I’m already cold because then I just start imagining how warm and snuggly it would be to have somebody hold me or something, and it’s just like fuck man I don’t even care about who it is anymore, just do it.
It also happens very randomly for me. Thinking about kissing does it, but most of the time it’s just “vagina no” but then vagina’s all like “vagina yes ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)” and I end up getting horny at very awkward times.
Then I remember that I’m single and eat some cheesecake because being horny makes me very hungry.
24. “I feel an overwhelming need to have a penis inside me.”
For me it starts as an overall tingling sensation in the pelvic region. There is increased wetness that can be felt. At this point, an overwhelming need to have something, as a straight women (cannot speak for others) this is the point where I feel an overwhelming need to have a penis inside me. Whenever I am actually horny, a vibrator will never suffice.
25. “It just starts as a slow dull pulse combined with a pleasurable ache.”
It’s a slow build-up. It just starts as a slow dull pulse combined with a pleasurable ache that starts to put pressure on your clit. It starts to build, the pulse turns into a teasing throb, you can feel the slickness building. You can’t move in your seat without having the urge to continue to grind down to get some relief. It just gets more intense, builds, and won’t stop until you finally get a much-needed release.
26. “It is exquisite torture.”
For me, it starts deep in the pit of my stomach. It feels sort of like the normal butterflies-in-your-stomach, but much more intense, an unceasing tingling. It spreads down to my clitoris. Along with the tingling is this heat that spreads throughout my body until my ears are burning and I know I’m blushing.
It is exquisite torture.
27. “I want to be filled.”
When I get horny, it’s not just a feeling in my pelvis. I also desperately want my boobs to be played with too. I want to feel them bounce around or get sucked or groped. They get all sensitive and my nipples get hard. If they actually get touched it is the best feeling EVER, chills throughout entire body. I want that just as much as I want to be filled.
sigh I need a boyfriend.
28. “Eventually the tingling radiates to my extremities if I let it go long enough.”
Sometimes it starts with a warmth unfurling in your belly which blooms and spreads between my thighs, accompanied by a throbbing in my clit (I can feel my pulse between my legs, thumping and throbbing.) Then there are tingles which feel like they start inside my opening and radiate out over my labia. I imagine I can feel the swelling and buildup to the wetness of my arousal, and all I want is pressure. It becomes maddening, and the blossoms of warmth (almost the same as butterflies or the feeling you get of anticipation or nerves) will roll over and over inside me like a precursor to that orgasm I’m so desperate for at that point. Inevitably I’ll be more aware of the rest of my body; if I’m walking they’re might be an exaggerated sway to my hips, or if I’m sitting I will squirm like the sexy ladies have mentioned, or run my fingers over any exposed skin because it will all become hypersensitive. I’ll egg it on by contracting my pelvic muscles so that they clench and send delicious waves of intense sensation further inside me and cause the throbbing to increase. My heartbeat gets irregular, my pussy feels like it’s empty and in desperate need of filling, and eventually the tingling radiates to my extremities if I let it go long enough. Also my sense of smell heightens….
I’ve now reached the persistent fantasy of having my face shoved into the pillow, hair in hand, and a big, thick cock pushing inside of me agonizingly slow before pounding the shit out of my eager pussy until I’m spent. To the point I can almost feel it now.
29. “It’s kind of like feeling queasy, but not quite unpleasant.”
You get a “rush” of warmth that goes from your abdomen to between your legs. It’s kind of like feeling queasy, but not quite unpleasant. It can feel a little overwhelming, so that’s where the squirming comes in. The whole area feels warm and all you can think about is getting fucked in the most depraved, primordial manner. You look at people and think about fucking them. The way a man sits becomes attractive. A girl bending over is too. It becomes impossible to concentrate on anything else.
30. “I have this strong desire to be defiled.”
My cheeks will flush and I hear things in hi-def, as weird as that sounds. I really want something in my hands. My hands feel empty. My mouth feels empty. My body feels empty. I have this strong desire to be defiled and I get agitated until it’s fulfilled or I get distracted somehow.
31. “It’s like that itch on the inside of your hand that you just can’t scratch.”
It’s like that itch on the inside of your hand that you just can’t scratch. You feel the need to have something in you. There’s like a pulsing in the vulva that never stops until you’re satisfied. There’s so many fluids too. I could cure a small 3rd world country of its lack of water just from my vagina. And this isn’t until our Lady erection goes away either. It lasts until we get some. I got lady blue balls right now because I can’t get enough alone time with my boyfriend to have sex and going solo only satisfies for so long…
32. “I wonder if that guy has a nice dick. I bet he does.”
“I wonder if that guy has a nice dick. I bet he does. I’d touch it. I wonder if he can tell I want to touch it. How’s my cleavage? On point. Has he seen my ass yet? I can facilitate that if he hasn’t. Or remind him if he has… I really should carry a change of underwear on me, this is gross. At this point, entrance is irrelevant, someone had better stick something inside of me. I really need to get laid.”
–daily thought process
33. “I feel this heat and physical ache to be fucked.”
It starts off with tingles in my clit that slowly makes its way up to my nipples. It’s barely noticeable—almost like a hum in the background.
If I’m in front of a guy, sometimes it makes me want to stretch in a seemingly innocuous manner but what I’m really doing is stretching my top taut against my breasts and hard nipples.
If I’m standing, I clench my thighs together to squeeze my clit, and the slight pressure feels good enough to make me want to moan a little.
If I’m sitting, I cross my legs and start sliding my ass around the seat very slowly, almost as though I was grinding the chair. I start getting wet and my mind starts conjuring up fantasies—usually of someone grabbing my hips and sliding their dick in.
If I’m sucking on cock, mmmm, that just makes me feel wild and dirty and very slutty, and all I want to do is to grip the cock hard and go to town. There is this enthusiasm that really can’t be faked and a drive to turn the man on.
If I’m about to fuck, my pussy is drooling, and I feel this heat and physical ache to be fucked. My clit is swollen and throbbing, and I can feel each pulse and flutter. My nipples are hard and all I want is to be filled and stretched out.
If I’m fucking, then I want to ride hard, get the cock as deep in myself as I can, have the man’s hands on my hips gripping me tight. And I want to be owned and fucked hard until my pussy is clenching and cumming all over a hard cock.
34. “Sometimes it’s just a want to be held and touched, gently, intimately.”
That totally depends.
Sometimes it’s a gorgeously slow build that strikes from a thought or a quick glimpse of something, then heat that transitions into wetness.
Sometimes it’s a quick jolt right to core, with instant drenched panties.
Sometimes it’s just a want to be held and touched, gently, intimately.
Sometimes it’s a desire to be held down and pounded.
Usually it’s a desire to be filled making me grumpy I don’t have something to fill my clenching muscles with.
35. “At my horniest I find literally anyone attractive.”
At my horniest I find literally anyone attractive. That creeper dude who once broke a chair by sitting on it, let’s bang. That old dude on the bus, let’s bang. That sort of cute checkout girl, let’s bang.
It only gets this bad when I’m super hormonal but it always takes me forever to figure it out.
Basically for me though, when I’m super horny anyone will do and it’s only after I’ve come that I realize how crazy that was. This happens after watching porn. While I’m masturbating while super horny anything seems hot but when I finish its like oh god why am I watching this Fake Cab video?!
36. “It’s like I wanna ram something up my pussy.”
Fuck this poetry shit. It’s like I wanna ram something up my pussy.
4 Signs Women Give Their Guy When They’re TOTALLY Turned On
Watch these clues to learn what SHE likes best.
If you want to steadily increase your woman’s sexual hunger — if you want her to look forward to making love as much as you do — all you have to do is be aware of the four areas that influence female sexual desire.
Nice girls say things like, “You really get me going,” or, “I’m feeling excited.”
A naughty girl might say, “Baby, I am sooooo turned on,” or, “You got me so wet.”
Men, on the other hand, have a very different vocabulary: “Baby, you sure are hot,” or, “I want you to come SO hard.”
A more poetic lover might say, “You are a rare hothouse flower, and I am about to make you bloom.”
However you call it, both men and women know that getting her revved up for sex is the key to a good time.
You both recognize that surge of desire, and the signal that tells you making love is a fairly sure bet. And you both know that sexual arousal is a beautiful thing … a beautiful thing that is often elusive.
That’s why being aware of these four cues to her arousal can help you turn her on in the most direct way. Give her what she needs to want you, and you’re going to increase the quality and quantity of the great sex you have while lowering your fear of being rejected for sex.
Researchers at the Kinsey Institute developed a fascinating model of sexual arousal that can help you better manage the fickle nature of your woman’s turn on.
Their “dual control model” suggests that we each have an accelerator pedal and a brake pedal when it comes to sexual response.
Certain conditions make her a go … other things make her screech the brakes.
Common to us all, these two distinct functions ― gassing and braking ― respond to a wide variety of stimuli in combinations that are unique to each person. Said simply: everybody gets turned on, but the what, when, where and how depends entirely on who you want to make love with.
I’m going to use this accelerator analogy to help you find the sweet spot, unique to your ladylove, that will keep you from driving off the road into a ditch where the only thing that’s sure is “not tonight, dear.”
Knowing what causes her to gas and brake will help you accelerate while staying inside the rumble strips. That way you can proceed at the just-right speed to prevent her from spinning out or crashing the two of you into a wall.
In Come As You Are, The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life, Dr. Emily Nagoski cites research on factors that influence female sexual desire. When women were asked what turns them on, their answers fell into four general categories.
If you want to steadily increase your woman’s sexual hunger so she’ll look forward to making love as much as you do, start by putting your attention on these four distinct areas:
1. Love and emotional bonding cues.
You need to get under her hood and figure out what specific actions make her feel loved, secure, and emotionally connected. And once you’ve identified her specific cues, get busy generating those feelings in her on a consistent basis. In other words, take it on and deliver what she needs. Make her feel special.
Recently, my friend Gretchen told me about a man she’s been dating who showed up at her door with a beautiful bouquet of tropical flowers. Gretchen blurted, “Wow. You didn’t buy those at the grocery store!” Her date smiled and said, “I went to two different flower stands to find the exact varieties that remind me of you.”
Not only did his extra effort make her feel special, it gave him bonus points for going above and beyond. It also bumped him over the line from “a guy I’m dating” to “possible boyfriend material.”
In girlfriend-speak, this translates to, “He might make a good lover.”
2. Explicit and erotic cues.
Get busy learning what turns her on and gets her engine purring on a physical level.
- Does she feel a tingle between her legs when she reads erotica?
- How does she respond when she feels your erection?
- Does she moan softly when you push her up against the wall and kiss her passionately?
- Do her eyes light up when you admire her breasts or spank her ass?
Pay close attention to the unique erotic cues that get a positive response from your woman. Then make sure you keep paying attention so you don’t stall out. If your only way of showing your desire is to come up behind her, take her by the hips and pull her back side toward your groin, that approach may run out of gas quickly.
Remember, women like variety as much, if not more, than men do.
3. Visual and proximity cues.
Learn what gets her turned on visually.
- A sheepskin rug carefully laid out in front of a warm fireplace?
- Seeing you walk around the house with wet, tousled hair and nothing but a towel wrapped around your waist?
- Do her eyes get misty when you come home from work and unbutton your shirt so she can see your chest?
If you’re taking her out to dinner, put on her favorite shirt from your collection, even if it’s not the one you like best. And in addition to trimming your beard and nose hairs, manscaping puts you at the top of her consideration list.
Cleanliness ranks #1 according to my, “What Makes A Great Lover” research.
4. Romantic and implicit cues.
Take note of the kind of romantic experiences that get her turned on.
- Does she love to be spooned?
- Does salsa dancing get her hot and bothered?
- Is a sunset walk on the beach one of her favorite ways to relax?
- Do verbal expressions of your undying devotion increase her sexual desire?
Perhaps she’s a woman who swoons when you open the car door for her or remember to walk nearest the curb when the two of you stroll hand-in-hand down the sidewalk. Go ahead and experiment so you can know for sure..
Contrary to what you may believe, every woman is different.
Remember: her accelerator pedal is more sensitive than yours. Most women will get turned off and blow a gasket if you punch it.
You might enjoy screeching out when the light turns green, but you won’t get anywhere by trying to hit a 100 mph from a cold start.
Unless the love of your life happens to be a Maserati.
Susan Bratton is a trusted hot sex advisor to millions of men. The thrust of her work helps guys seduce their girlfriends and wives with integrity … Grab her downloadable pamphlet, “How To Get Her To Say Yes!” to discover a stupid-simple seduction strategy that moves any woman toward more pleasure and connection with you.
Unraveling the mystery of female desire
Ask a man what the magic formula is for turning on a woman sexually and you’re likely to be met with a heaving shrug. For years, scientists have been just as perplexed. And to a large degree, arousal has mystified even women themselves. The only consensus: the female mind, heart, and genitals all need to be in on the effort in order for arousal to occur. But recently, a handful of sex researchers have gotten on the case — and their fascinating findings may help improve your sex life.
One of the most intriguing research nuggets to emerge: While male sexuality is fairly predictable — they tend to be aroused by naked women and naked women hooking up with other naked women — female sexuality is stimulated by a surprisingly wide array of turn-ons. Meredith Chivers, Ph. D., an assistant professor of psychology at Queens University in Kingston, Ontario, calls this “the nonspecificity of women’s sexual arousal.” Chivers created a buzz with a study in which she showed both men and women a variety of sexually explicit images — nude male and female bodies, heterosexual and homosexual sex, and sex between bonobos (a particularly frisky species of ape) — while measuring physiological signs of genital arousal as well as their subjective feelings of desire.
For the guys, the findings were straightforward enough: The straight men in the study were physically aroused by women, gay men were aroused by men, and neither group felt any stirrings for the apes. The men’s physical reactions (erections) were in agreement with what they reported being turned on by.
The women in the study, on the other hand, didn’t react as predictably. While they reported feeling aroused in the ways you might expect (straight women were turned on by men, lesbians by women), measurements of their vaginal blood flow showed that they were physically aroused by all the forms of coupling they saw — even the bonobos. Still, when asked after viewing them to report which images they found titillating, most of them chose only those which matched up with their sexual orientation. Were they lying?
Not exactly. The women in Chivers’s study were aroused by all the images — but that doesn’t mean they desired to have sex with the people (or animals) they saw. “Women have the capacity to get turned on by a broad range of things,” she says. “This is normal and not necessarily a challenge to sexual identity.”
Lori Brotto, Ph. D., an assistant professor in the University of British Columbia’s gynecology department and the director of its Sexual Health Laboratory, has been studying how the disconnect between women’s bodies and brains comes into play during sex with a partner. “Women report thinking about nonsexual things during sex,” she says. Many women wonder things like “When am I going to get to the gym?” or “What am I going to wear to work tomorrow?” The problem is, focusing on future-oriented matters interferes with women’s ability to feel either desire or arousal.
Brotto offers two possible explanations: “Women are consummate multitaskers, and society rewards this ability.” Women have become so good at doing a million things at once — talking on the phone, cooking dinner, watching TV, reading a magazine — that it often becomes hard to slow it down or turn it off during sex and just enjoy the moment. Sound familiar?
There’s a physical explanation, too. As counter-intuitive as this may sound, men are more in tune with their bodies than women are. Guys typically notice and touch their genitals at a younger age (by virtue of the fact that a boy’s are more visible than a girl’s). They also begin masturbating earlier. “Because of this, their brains notice changes in their bodies more quickly,” Brotto explains, “whereas women’s bodies can be very excited and their minds don’t notice it at all.”
Or sometimes it’s just that the mind takes a while to catch up. Ever since sex researchers William Masters and Virginia Johnson revolutionized thinking about human sexual function and dysfunction in the 1950s and 1960s, conventional wisdom has held that there’s a linear progression: People feel desire and then become aroused; the physical sensations intensify and it all ends with one big earth-shattering orgasm.
But current research is showing that for some women, desire doesn’t necessarily come first. The sexual contact may be what gets you in the mood. “When a woman’s partner initiates sex, she may feel indifferent to it at first,” says psychologist Sandra Leiblum, Ph. D., director of sexual and relationship services at the New Jersey Center for Sexual Wellness. She may be stressed or tired or, to Brotto’s point, focusing on a million other things. “But often, if she plays along she starts to feel aroused, and then the desire kicks in,” Leiblum says.
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‘Does this feel right?’
To help women sync up their brains with their bodies, Brotto has begun teaching the art of mindfulness. The idea is to enable women to stay focused on sex by integrating the physical with the mental so that mental excitement can heighten physical arousal and vice versa. To try it at home, Brotto suggests spending 10 minutes a day paying very close attention to any activity — walking the dog, washing dishes, drinking a cup of coffee. “Focus on any sensations in your body — notice the placement of your feet, the positioning of your hands,” she says. “What do you see, smell, taste, hear?” If you become distracted, guide your mind back to the present. (To achieve this, imagine putting your wandering thoughts on a conveyor belt and watching them slowly roll away).
Brotto advises next getting familiar with your body by examining and touching yourself during or after a shower, experimenting with what feels good. When you’re ready, work toward incorporating the focusing exercise while you’re aroused, either alone or with your partner. Eventually you’ll become attuned to what you’re feeling during sex rather than letting your thoughts escape the bedroom.
A slightly different aspect of desire has been the focus of studies by University of Utah psychologist Lisa Diamond, Ph.D. She’s been interviewing a group of roughly 100 women for nearly 15 years, asking them questions about changes in their sexual cravings and reactions over time. “Many women feel that desire is fluid and based on who they’re coming into contact with,” Diamond says. “Desire is often the result of an emotional connection.” In some cases, that connection can be a close friendship — even one with another woman.
One of Diamond’s subjects is a straight woman who became intimate with her female roommate. “When I first interviewed her,” Diamond recalls, “she said, ‘I’ve always been heterosexual, but just last week I got involved with a woman who’s been my best friend since I was 12.'” When the two shared an apartment, emotional intimacy spilled over into physical intimacy.
Diamond has been grappling with the question of why some friendships take a turn toward the physical while most don’t, and she’s drawn some preliminary conclusions. In cases where both women identify themselves as heterosexual, a series of what she calls “situational factors” come into play. One is relationship status: If neither woman has a boyfriend, they’re more likely to become strongly emotionally invested in the friendship. The other is proximity: There’s something very powerful about spending a lot of time together — as roommates, travel partners, or close colleagues, Diamond says. The woman in the study ended up in a two-year relationship with the roommate, after which she went back to sleeping with men. “It’s been 10 years since that happened, and she’s pretty certain she’s still heterosexual,” Diamond says. “The attraction was real, but it wasn’t representative of her sexual orientation.”
Diamond’s research reiterates the fact that female desire defies easy categorization. University of Nevada psychologist Marta Meana, Ph. D., also studies why women seem to be attracted to other women in certain circumstances, but she has a different take on why. Meana originally set out to see how men’s and women’s visual attention patterns differ from one another when they look at erotic images — in this case, very sexy shots of nearly naked people in a panoply of sexual positions. Meana outfitted her research subjects with eye-tracking goggles, which measured eye movement per millisecond. (“Our eyes are constantly darting around,” Meana says. “It’s essentially impossible to control, so you get this really nice data that’s not influenced by social acceptability.”) Then she showed them each picture for 10 seconds.
The result: “Men barely looked at the guy in the picture. They spent most of their time looking at the women. In women, there was an almost 50-50 split.” Meana doesn’t know for sure why women’s eyes were drawn equally to the men and women in the photos. She acknowledges that they may have been turned on by images of other women, but she thinks it’s more likely that they were trying to measure themselves up — a finding supported by some of her previous research, which found that sexual desire boils down to how a woman feels about herself; specifically, how she feels about her body.
“There is a relational component to female sexuality and there’s a very self-focused component,” she says. “I don’t mean that negatively. Women have to be convinced that they are desirable in order to believe that anyone else finds them desirable.” Think about it this way: If you haven’t been in the mood lately, it might be because you’re feeling unattractive (gained a few pounds, noticed your breasts sagging, spotted a new dimple of cellulite), and figure your man couldn’t possibly think you look hot.
In her private counseling practice, Meana sees many couples in which the woman “will completely avoid certain sex positions because she’s embarrassed by how she thinks her body looks. But the husband hasn’t even thought of that. He’s shocked ‘That’s why you won’t get on top? Because you think your breasts sag?!'”
Sometimes, the key to better sex might be repairing your relationship with yourself. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution, but Meana works with her patients to help them figure out what would make them feel desirable. For some women, it might be as easy as buying sexy lingerie. For others, it might be overcoming physical insecurities by adopting a new workout routine. “The strategies can range from manicures to college degrees,” Meana says. One thing she doesn’t recommend, though, is dimming the lights during sex (even using candlelight!) as a way to avoid worrying about your looks. “This kind of behavior simply reinforces negative self-image,” she says.
Meana’s research may be easier to digest than Chivers’s or Diamond’s, both of which point out women’s potential to desire some rather shocking things. But according to Leiblum, all of these theories are loosely connected. “Desire and arousal are predicated on so many factors,” she says — things like the nature of our relationships, our attitudes toward ourselves and toward sex, our general health, our hormone levels. The bottom line: “There’s no one right path to desire or arousal. You can feel these because you have an intense emotional relationship with another person. Or maybe you’re looking at sexy pictures and something gets triggered. There are many roads to Rome.”
Regardless of their particular take on the subject, all the researchers offer the same advice: Don’t worry about how you’re supposed to feel. “Is this normal?” is the wrong question. The right ones might be “Does this feel right?” or “Does this feel good?” If it does, don’t over-think it — open your mind and just go with the moment. Indulging in what your body and mind naturally crave doesn’t necessarily define sexual interest, but it may pave the way to even more self-discovery about what turns you on … and makes your toes curl.
Yes, ‘Pee-Gasms’ Happen and It’s Completely Natural
An unexpected bit of news swept through some British newspapers last month, as outlets focused on the rise of “Pee-Gasm.” According to multiple outlets, women reported delaying urination in order to experience an orgasm-like feeling when they released their urine.
Some women on Reddit and other forums have also described this practice, although in that case, many women expressed concern that there was something wrong with their bodies rather than a desire to achieve a “pee-gasm.”
But experts say that there is a scientific reason for “pee-gasm,” and in fact, it can be a normal byproduct of women’s anatomy.
And while experts stress there’s nothing wrong with women who have an orgasm during urination, they also don’t recommend women try “holding it” just for fun.
What is a pee-gasm?
It is first and foremost important to note that there is nothing wrong with women who experience pleasure from delaying urination. As family nurse practitioner, Patricia Geraghty, FNP-BC, WHNP, explained, theoretically this feeling is due to the structure of a woman’s anatomy.
“I always talk about the geography of , everything is close and tight down there,” Geraghty told Healthline. “An over-full bladder is going to put pressure on the other organs, including the clitoris.”
It’s when that pressure is relieved that some women may get more than they bargained for.
“When you have downward pressure from the bladder on the shaft of the clitoris and there’s a sudden release of this pressure, it can cause those nerves to fire off,” Geraghty said. “These nerves firing off is what gives these women that tingly orgasmic feeling.”
This is similar to the feeling you get after holding something heavy for a long time. When you finally put the heavy object down, you feel a release in your arms as the muscles relax.
Theoretically, these women who are delaying urine are simply contracting a muscle for a long enough period of time to set off nerves when the muscle is finally released.
Sex therapist, Janet Brito, PhD, further explained this sensation by pointing out that the urethra is “an erogenous zone” and a full bladder against a sensitive structure can cause a pleasurable sensation.
Is a pee-gasm safe?
While this practice may give women pleasure, it’s actually not a great idea in the long run, Brito told Healthline.
“It is not healthy to hold your urine in to have an orgasm,” Brito said. “Peeing is a natural human function and a way for our kidneys to filter waste. Holding in your pee may lead to urinary tract infections or kidney problems.”
This is because delaying urination also delays the sterilization of the urinary tract, as ascending bacteria is not flushed out quickly enough. These bacteria can get into the sterile bladder, causing all sorts of kidney discomfort and dysfunction.
This practice not only causes higher levels of bacteria in the urethra and bladder, but it can also cause incontinence later down the road.
The bladder is a muscular sac and “when you hold the bladder, you’re overstretching it, when you overstretch any muscle you eventually lose strength in it,” said Geraghty. “So, over-filling is stretching that muscle to a point of no return, where it can’t contract efficiently, which causes incontinence.”
While incontinence during orgasm can be normal and caused by a sudden release of muscles, it can be avoided by simply going when you have to go.
If you’re experiencing the flip side of pee-gasms, urinating during orgasm, there are noninvasive ways to stop this from happening, including pelvic floor physical therapy and various other tissue-rebuilding techniques. Women can also urinate before having sex to preemptively empty their bladder.
What are alternative ways to feel similar pleasure?
So, while this trend of “pee-gasming” is a completely normal reaction of muscles and stimulation, it isn’t the safest way to experience pleasure. If you enjoy the feeling of having a full bladder, you may want to explore g-spot stimulation. The g-spot can be reached by inserting a finger or toy into the vagina and making a “come hither” motion towards the belly button.
If the sensation you’re seeking is the feeling of tingles, either in your head or up and down your spine, instead of holding in your urine you may want to explore the world of ASMR. ASMR, or autonomous sensory meridian response, is a term used to describe physical sensations that happen because of physical, visual, and audible stimuli. Physical sensations are described as tingling, tickling, and chills, especially in the scalp. They’re associated with a sense of peace, calm, euphoria, and well-being.
So, if you are craving that tingly feeling, you may want to explore the expansive world of ASMR on YouTube instead of delaying urination.
In the end, you aren’t weird or abnormal if you experience pleasure from holding in your pee, but unfortunately this pleasurable experience can cause kidney infections and UTIs, which can end up ruining the fun.
Doctors warn of dangers in new ‘peegasm’ trend
We’ve all been there. Maybe you had one too many coffees, or gulped down half a gallon of water after your morning workout. Your bladder is full, but you’re stuck in a meeting or on public transportation. Whatever the scenario, the bottom line is you’re busting for a pee and have no option other than holding on.
Finally, you get to the toilet — you can let go! The sense of relief feels good. So good. A little too good. Enter the “peegasm.”
What the hell is a ‘peegasm’?
A “peegasm” is the intense feeling of relief you get after holding your pee for as long as possible and then finally going to the toilet. A Reddit thread dedicated to the phenomenon begins with a description:
“So my girlfriend recently told me if she’s had to hold her pee in for a while, when she actually goes to pee, she often has orgasms that she feels all the way up her spine to her head. If she does “reverse kegels” while peeing, they’re even more likely to happen.”
“She said these orgasms sometimes leave her lightheaded and off balance, and are pretty different from her clit or vaginal orgasms,” the Redditor writes.
Others attest to having similar experiences. “I call them the piss shivers (cringe) because they’re not quite orgasmic in my opinion but close enough,” another person comments.
Doctors warn of ‘irreparable’ organ damage
Dr. Charlotte Elder is a gynecologist and spokesperson for the Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists. She says that while finally making it to the toilet after holding on for a while feels good (“some people describe an orgasm as relief,” she notes), the peegasm trend could actually cause bladder damage.
“Bladders need to be treated with respect. It’s important to go when you need to go, not when you’re busting,” she says.
It turns out that if you delay going to the toilet, you can stretch your bladder. This is a prospect that shouldn’t be taken lightly — Elder warns that bladder injuries can take years to recover from. In some cases, the damage is irreparable.
As a side note, Elder says it’s also important not to do “just in case” pees. “If you pee when you don’t need to go, you can reduce your bladder’s capacity to hold urine,” she says.
Another unintentional consequence of the “peegasm” could be getting a urinary tract infection because holding on too long can allow harmful bacteria to multiply in the urinary tract. Anyone who has suffered a bout of cystitis will know there is nothing remotely sexy about it.
Why it feels so good
Although intentionally holding on isn’t a good idea, there is no denying that there are some links between needing to pee and sexual pleasure. An example of this is the number of women reporting sleep orgasms that occurred when they had full bladders.
Elder says she wasn’t surprised by this. “A full bladder while you’re asleep will stimulate your pelvic floor nerves a bit which makes you more likely to have a sexy dream which can trigger an orgasm while you’re asleep,” she says.
Having said that, there is a big difference between waking up with a full bladder and deliberately holding on too long. Elder says that in her view, a “peegasm” just isn’t worth risking your bladder health to achieve.
“There are more practical and more pleasurable ways to have an orgasm,” she says. “My advice is to try something a bit more old-fashioned.”
There’s a phenomenon plaguing busy women everywhere (OK, and women who just don’t feel like hitting pause on The Affair): pee procrastination. You know, the feeling that you gotta go — but then…you don’t.
Whether it’s because your schedule is slammed (guilty) or you’re just feeling lazy (also guilty), blowing off your bladder’s cue like it’s some annoying guy on Tinder can have an impact on your health. “You should be urinating every four to six hours,” says Lauren Streicher, M.D., an OB/GYN and associate professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Northwestern University’s The Feinberg School of Medicine. “If you’re always holding your pee in for too long, there are consequences.”
So what are we talking about here? Exploding bladders? Higher risks of cancer? A breeding ground for UTIs? Not exactly, Streicher says. But here’s what can happen if you piss away — or in this case, aren’t pissing away — that feeling that you need to pee.
1. An Embarrassing Accident
Just to keep it real: Peeing your pants is a real possibility because the crossingyourlegsreallytight trick is only going to work for so long. “As your bladder gets fuller and fuller, there’s a good chance you aren’t going to make it to the bathroom on time,” Streicher says. Imagine your bladder like a water balloon that’s filling up — the longer you hold off going to the bathroom, the bigger and heavier it gets. And the muscles that contract to keep your bladder sealed can only withstand the pressure for so long before it will start to leak.
So the next time the bathroom feels like 11 steps too far away and you just can’t even, think about this: Do you really want to be the grown-ass woman who just peed her pants because she didn’t feel like prying herself away from her deadline? It may not be a super scary medical condition, but still.
2. Your Pelvic Floor Might Get Weak
When you force your bladder to constantly carry around a bowling ball’s worth of pee for hours, the muscles in your pelvic floor start to lose strength. “Pelvic floor muscles contract in a coordinated fashion to help you either release pee or hold it,” Streicher says. “But if you’re continually holding urine, you can end up with some real dysfunction of your pelvic floor muscles.” Over time, that can cause you to lose control of your bladder functions.
Don’t freak out if you feel the urge to go and your boss pulls you into her office for a quick brainstorming session when you were about to jet to the ladies’ room, or if you’re on a road trip and it’s an eternity till the next rest stop. “There’s a big difference between someone who holds it once in a blue moon and someone who does it all the time,” Streicher says. “Every now and then isn’t going to cause huge problems.”
3. Long-Lasting Pain
That feeling you get after you’ve been holding it forever and finally go? Sweet relief — but maybe not. If it’s been too long, you may continue to hurt. “Once the pain signals have been trigged in the lower abdomen, the pain may not just go away,” Streicher says. “Your muscles are clenching and are almost in a spasm, so they’re not able to just relax.”
And the pain may last for days. “I see a lot of people who come in with lower abdominal pain and think that something is seriously wrong, and one of the things I look for is does the person have normal bladder habits,” Streicher says. “And a lot of times, they don’t. Well, that causes pain that may stick around for awhile.”
4. Your Bladder Might Get Stretched Out
As mentioned above, your bladder is (thankfully) not going to blow up, but it’s certainly going to get stretched to its limits. One of the big side effects of an overextended bladder? Your body may start missing cues that your bladder needs emptied, and those messages your brain sends to your body that it needs to go to the bathroom are important (for obvious reasons).
But wait — before you start bolting to the bathroom every time you feel a pang to pee, know that “you don’t have to urinate the minute you feel the urge to go,” Streicher says. “A good measure is that it should never get to the point that you’re uncomfortable. Holding it to that point is too long.”
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There’s One Anatomy Fact That Almost No Man Seems To Know
Last week, Reddit users revealed some NSFW facts they learned at an embarrassingly late age. In general, the thread is lighthearted and amusing, but if some of the comments are anything to go by, it is quite clear that many people lack a basic understanding of a woman’s anatomy – particularly when it comes to how the female half of the human race pee.
One user, a nurse, recalls how a 25-year-old patient (25!) thought she couldn’t pee while wearing a tampon because women urinate from the vagina. She was wrong but, alas, she is not alone. Apparently, a lot of users were surprised to find out that women had not two but three holes down there. Men in particular seem very shocked to learn this information.
So let’s get things cleared up – women do not pee from their vaginas. Women have three holes down there and they serve very different purposes.
The first is the urethra and it can be found part way between the clitoris and the vagina, as you can see in the diagram below. The urethra is, essentially, a urinary dispensary system – it is the tube or duct that connects the bladder to the outside world and it is where the pee comes out. Below this, there is the vagina, which is where the penis goes in during vaginal intercourse and where blood comes out during menstruation. Then, third and finally, there is the anus, which is the opening to the rectum and the passage bowel movements pass through.
Beyond sub-par sex ed classes, the confusion may stem from the fact that the outer genitalia (the vulva) is frequently mistaken for the vagina, whereas the vaginal opening (aka the vestibule) is, in fact, just one element of the vulva. (It also includes the labia majora, labia minora, the clitoris, and the Bartholin’s glands, the two small glands on either side of the vagina.) The vulva protects (and covers) both the female sexual organs and the urinary opening. So yes, it may look like urine is coming from the vaginal opening but we promise you, it is most definitely coming from the urinary opening.
While we’re here, let’s settle a few other questions people have about the female body.
Having lots of sex (or lots of sexual partners) does not “loosen” the vagina. Remember that scene in Mean Girls – the “looseness” of a woman’s vagina has nothing to do with her virginal status or promiscuity because having sex does not permanently stretch the vagina. Instead, the muscles in the vagina expand and relax when aroused and tighten again post-intercourse. Conversely, if it’s “too tight”, it’s probably because she is not properly aroused and is either uninterested in having sex at that moment or has not had enough time to warm up. There are just two things that can affect the vagina’s elasticity and those are childbirth and aging.
Or, in Bethany Byrd’s words: “I can’t help it if I’ve got a heavy flow and a wide-set vagina.”
Women cannot hold their period like you can hold your pee. Sorry, it just doesn’t work like that. (Although it would be very convenient if it did.)
You cannot lose a tampon. The cervix – aka the tissue that connects the vagina to the uterus and where you put the tampon – is only a few inches long and it is a dead end. That means if you insert a tampon, there is nowhere else for it to go. Yes, you might put one in, “lose” the string, and forget it’s there – something we don’t advise you try. You might even have trouble removing it if it gets stuck. (In which case, please see a medical professional.) But you won’t have lost it.
Vulvas shouldn’t look a certain way. Requests for labiaplasty (that is, plastic surgery to change the appearance of the labia) have been growing year-on-year, with a 45 percent rise in the number of procedures between 2015 and 2016 and girls as young as nine seeking surgery. But despite all this anxiety around the “perfect” genitals and representation in pornography (and, even textbook drawings), there really is no such thing as a typical vulva. In fact, according to a study published in the obstetrics and gynecology journal BJOG, it is pretty much pointless even attempting to provide an average size or shape because the range is so wide. To check out just how diverse and varied female genitalia can be, take a look at the Labial Library.
Let’s just be honest for a sec: Sex isn’t like it is in the movies. Like, not even in the slightest. In the majority of onscreen scenes of fiery passion, there’s little if any time dedicated to the awkward moments of finding a condom or dealing with body-image issues. But IRL leading ladies have some worries in the bedroom.
A survey from Pure Romance, a company that hosts sex-accessory parties, that looked into the sex habits of 2,000 Americans, provided insight into both men and women’s top between-the-sheets fears. While men said they feared not lasting long enough or being able to maintain an erection, women were caught up in thinking about what their bodies look like and hoping they don’t smell bad. But the standout issue women reported worrying about was having to go to the bathroom during sex. And that’s something Adeeti Gupta, MD, founder of Walk In GYN Care in New York City, says you probably don’t need to be too concerned about.
Unless you have a full bladder or deal with urinary incontinence issues on a regular basis from a weakened pelvic floor, there’s a good chance your body is just sending you mixed signals.
When you’re having sex, the friction that occurs can sometimes confuse the sensations that are going on down there, making you feel like you’re going to pee. Also, that urge might just be female ejaculation or due to the natural moisture that occurs: “‘Squirting’ during an intense orgasm may be confused with peeing by some women,” Dr. Gupta says. “Excessive normal vaginal secretions during sex may also make you feel super-wet down there, giving you a sensation that you might have leaked.” But, unless you have a full bladder or deal with urinary incontinence issues on a regular basis from a weakened pelvic floor, there’s a good chance your body is just sending you mixed signals, she says.
It’s also worth noting that your vagina and bladder are located in super-close proximity. So, the act of sex can unintentionally put pressure on your bladder that can make you feel like you’re going to pee. But if sexy-time tinkling is a fear of yours, maybe go to the bathroom before climbing in bed so you can fully enjoy yourself worry-free.
Sex experts answered all your burning questions about getting it on. Or, find out how sex is different after having kids—and why that’s a good thing.
Why do I have to pee during sex?
There are a lot of answers to this sort of question which seem to show lack of understanding of one very important fact – the bladder operates as a sex organ, part of the “urogenital system”, which is actually a fully integrated collection of organs which function together. I believe there is a cultural aversion to recognition of this, probably because humans are supposedly above such things, however it is clearly a factor in mating behaviours of other mammals.
The simplest demonstration of this is the fact that in both men and women, a fullish bladder, as well as bringing on the need to pee, will sometimes cause sexual arousal and in some cases can trigger orgasm. Release of a small amount of urine is capable of doing this, in similar fashion to the release of the first drops of semen by men triggers orgasm.
Conversely, sexual arousal can increase the feeling of needing to pee. It doesn’t take much logic to deduce that needing to pee alone can under some circumstances result in orgasm. Leaking of urine will trigger an orgasm if sufficiently aroused. This being unlikely for men due to their strong internal urethral sphincter, it would therefore be more of a female phenomenon. There are some women who orgasm spontaneously with a full enough bladder, due to releasing a small amount of urine, which triggers the orgasm, resulting in what is usually then interpreted as urinary incontinence.
During sex, both men’s and women’s urethras become ‘charged’ with seminal fluid, from the Prostate Gland in men and from the Skene’s Glands (female Prostate) in women. This fluid is held in check by the external urethral sphincter. This gives the feeling of needing to pee. The internal urethral sphincter also at this time will start to clamp shut to prevent backflow of semen into the bladder in men. In women, it is normal that this sphincter is underdeveloped and somewhat vestigial, and potentially non-functional. Thus, the female urethra may also contain some urine, mixed in with the seminal fluid.
This charging of the urethra can feel like needing to pee. Ejaculation, in a way, is ‘peeing’ of seminal fluid, released from the urethra in pulses, when the external urethral sphincter is opened. Release of fluid past the external urethral sphincter can and does trigger orgasm. Women are used to holding this sphincter closed which can suppress orgasm – this is done because women feel this as being about to pee and pull back. Conversely, not pulling back from an orgasm will allow release of this fluid and orgasm is triggered.
There is indeed the potential for release of urine during a female orgasm, as well as for some men with underdeveloped internal urethral sphincters. This is completely normal at least for women, only requiring a towel to deal with it. It is unfortunately often considered a valid reason for suppressing orgasm.
Do I Need to Pee or Am I Horny? And Other Mysteries of the Female Body
Truth is, we’re pretty good at recognizing weight gain, weird moles, and new wrinkles. But sometimes even we don’t know what’s going on with our bodies. That random moment a girl stops whatever she’s doing to go to the bathroom? It’s probably because one of the questions below popped into her head. Read on for eight questions all women have thought of once in their lifetime.
1. Do I need to pee or am I horny?
Seems like a no-brainer, right? Your waiter has refilled your water glass four times: It must be pee. Your waiter looks exactly like your latest crush: You must be horny. Well, you’d be surprised to learn it can be both.
Health consultant Celeste Holbrook, PhD, told Shape magazinethat women can feel horny because they need to pee. “A full bladder can push onto some of the more sensitive and arousing parts of the genitalia, such as the clitoris and its branches.”
Feel free to use this information to heighten your pleasure, but if needing to pee becomes too distracting, take care of that before proceeding any further.
2. Is it sweat or is my body leaking?
Pregnant moms might know when they’re leaking, be it breasts or amniotic fluid. But what if you’re not a new mom, pregnant, or an 18th century wet nurse? Why is your body crying?
The easy answer is to check. If the wetness is specific to your nipple area, you might want to get that checked out by your doctor. Like so many female health issues, this one is a bit of a mystery, but possible culprits include medications, drug use, herbal supplements, and, wait for it … excessive nipple play. If you can’t determine why fluid is leaking from your nipples, go see your doctor.
3. Am I balding or just too busy to clean my hairbrush?
Does your hairbrush resemble a small woodland creature lately, or are you actually starting your journey to balding?
First of all, we’re all losing hair, all the time. The average person loses 100 strands of hair a day. In the time it took you to read this far, you might have lost one hair!
If you suspect you’re losing more than your daily allotment, it could also be stress. Increased hair loss is not uncommon during stressful times. Hair loss is also associated with inadequate protein in your diet. Eat some eggs, beans, or meat.
4. Am I pregnant or, you know, just really, really fit?
Depending on where you are in your life, a missed period can mean happy news, terrifying news, or that you’re working out like a CrossFit trainer. It’s not uncommon for female athletes to experience amenorrhea, the ceasing of menstruation. This is due to intense exercise, which lowers estrogen and progesterone levels.
If you’re working out intensely and missed a period (and not using a form of birth control during sex), it could go either way, so it’s best to take a pregnancy test.
5. Was it rough sex or is my period coming?
You know your delicate yet durable bits can stand up to long bike rides, Brazilian waxes, and being strangled in skinny jeans, but when you’re spotting, the cause is up in the air. It all depends on the time of the month, what you did last night, or both.
Postcoital bleeding (spotting or bleeding after sex) can happen if you’re about to start your period because orgasms contract the uterine muscles. This may dilate the cervix and cause some menstrual blood to escape ahead of schedule.
You can also get temporary scrapes on your vaginal walls or cervix from very vigorous sex, in which case, be sure your body is really ready for penetration. Consider using or adding more lube before the bump and grind.
More serious causes such as vaginal dryness (especially in postmenopausal women), inflammation, infection, or other issues require a doctor’s attention.
6. Am I paranoid or is my doctor sexist?
Sometimes it’s good to trust your instinct and go for a second opinion. Many ailments present themselves with completely different symptoms in women than men, which is no bueno if you have a doctor who won’t recognize your concerns. For example, the symptoms of a heart attack in women are very different. It’s possible to have had a “silent one” without knowing.
If your doctor is not listening to you or taking you seriously, break up with him.
7. Am I turned off or is my vagina entering retirement?
There’s nothing more distressing than being dry as toast when you’re trying to be intimate with someone. But before you place blame, ask yourself: Is it the lack of foreplay? The weird poster on their wall? Or maybe you’re just plain tired.
If you’re close to the age of menopause, you may recognize a collection of symptoms, such as vaginal dryness, tissue thinning, and pain during sex. This is known as vaginal atrophy. Thankfully, the condition responds well to home remedies, topical hormone treatment, and believe it or not, tofu.
8. Am I hungry or is this just PMS?
People say your body is good at telling you what it needs, but clearly they haven’t experienced PMS. Here’s a good rule of thumb to follow: If you find yourself eating stale popcorn because you skipped lunch, it’s hunger. If you knock over someone offering you free Beyonce floor seats to get to the junk food, it’s PMS.
Bottom line is, there’s no such thing as a dumb question. Being aware of what your body is doing or not doing is not only smart, but also your job as its owner. Talk to your doctor if you ever feel your body is doing something out of the norm or getting in your way of enjoying the day to day.
If you’ve asked yourself one of these questions, or anything equally perplexing, share them in the comments below! You may find your kin, as another woman has likely asked herself the same question before.
Dara Nai is a Los Angeles-based humor writer whose credits include scripted television, entertainment and pop culture journalism, celebrity interviews, and cultural commentary. She’s also appeared in her own show for LOGO TV, written two independent sitcoms and, inexplicably, served as a judge at an international film festival.
Why You Feel Turned On When You Have To Pee
A version of this article originally appeared on Shape. In the great, wide world of Things That Turn Us On But We Don’t Know Why, having to pee ranks somewhere between driving down a big hill and sitting on the dryer. There’s little to no research out there that looks into this phenomenon, but many of us have felt it. Luckily, Shape got to the bottom of it with help from a couple of sexual health experts. Related: Asking For A Friend: Is It Bad To Hold Your Pee? What it comes down to: geography, basically. “The clitoris, vagina, and urethra (which connects to the bladder) are located very close to one another. A full bladder can push onto some of the more sensitive and arousing parts of the genitalia, such as the clitoris and its branches,” sexual health consultant Celeste Holbrook, PhD, explained. She added that the G-spot isn’t too far from the bladder’s opening, either, which could also contribute to any feelings you may have. Related: Does Your Vagina Need Help Exercising?
Photo: Emanuele Mascioni/Getty Images
For the most part, you’re pretty familiar with the random things that light your fire—dirty books, too much wine, the back of your partner’s neck. But every now and then, you may find yourself irrationally turned on by something totally unsexy: like having a full bladder. Seriously, it’s a thing.
Although there isn’t specific research on the subject, feeling aroused when your bladder’s full is more common than you might think, says Sherry Ross, M.D., ob-gyn and women’s health expert in Santa Monica, California. In fact, vaginal penetration (with a penis or sex toy), increased blood flow to the clitoris and surrounding tissue, and a full bladder can be the ultimate trifecta for the perfect orgasm. (This is not a drill! Nor is this guide to having multiple orgasms.)
“The clitoris, vagina, and urethra (which connects to the bladder) are located very close to one another,” says sexual health consultant Celeste Holbrook, Ph.D. “A full bladder can push onto some of the more sensitive and arousing parts of the genitalia, such as the clitoris and its branches. Many women use stimulation in one or more of these areas to stimulate the others.” Plus, the elusive G-spot is around the entrance to the bladder, says Ross, which may also contribute to a heightened sexual experience. Translation: hella intense orgasms. (That’s part of why you might feel like you need to pee during sex.)
If you haven’t tried getting busy with a full bladder, experts agree that there’s nothing wrong with doing so, so long as you’re going about it in a way that works best for you and your partner. For example, if needing to go number one arouses you at first but you find the pressure distracting during the deed, try engaging in foreplay on a full bladder and then going to the bathroom before penetration, suggests Holbrook.
Or, you may want to practice Kegel exercises to help prevent any unwanted surprises mid-nookie. “Contracting your Kegel muscles with sexual arousal and orgasm helps you not lose urine, and also feels good for your male partner during penetration,” says Ross. The exercises strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, supporting the vagina and urethra, so you can comfortably squeeze these muscles during sex sans leakage. (BTW, your bladder is actually involved in squirting too, even though what comes out isn’t exactly urine.)
The trick is to make sure you don’t hold it for too long (to the point where it’s painful) or too often (say, holding it every time you want to have sex) just to enjoy that feeling. (And always remember to pee after sex too, regardless of whether you went just before or not.) After all, the signal of fullness isn’t intended to turn you on but to get you to empty your bladder, says Carol Queen, Ph.D., staff sexologist for Good Vibrations. (See also: Is It Bad to Hold Your Pee?)
Over time, ignoring your body’s signals could lead to an inability to fully empty your bladder or increase your risk of developing a urinary tract infection—but done every so often, holding it for the sake of a better orgasm is a-okay. Grrr, baby.