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Here’s Why Men Get Jealous Even When They Don’t Date the Girl

Jealousy is a complex problem that may pretty easily cause disarray in the relationships between people. Jealousy does not come alone. It is usually accompanied by contempt and hatred. You should avoid being jealous at any cost. There’s absolutely nothing good or useful about jealousy. But why are men jealous? These jealous men confuse jealousy with love. Jealousy in men appears because of the possessive and exploitative approach to women. Even when a man doesn’t date a girl, he can be frustrated because somebody else does. Read the following guide to know everything you need to know about men and jealousy.

The Psychology of Men’s Jealousy

Love is Not Defined by Jealousy

When you like or love somebody, you should not try to control a woman or try to own her in any way. Unfortunately, men like to possess women and demand submission. Why do men get jealous? Perhaps, this is caused by historical and social reasons. Nowadays, in the era of feminism with women being liberated from submission, a lot of men find themselves confused when they don’t get to have a woman all to themselves. In truth, you cannot and shouldn’t control a person you love in any way. Moreover, you cannot love and control at the same time. In case you control somebody, it shows that you don’t have any love to offer. The more jealousy there is, the less love remains.

Freedom

So, why do men get jealous? There are many causes of jealousy in men. For starters, men think that if a woman is free she may reject, cheat or hurt them in some other way. That is why men try to control women. In this way, men deprive women of liberty in order to stay safe. When a man controls a woman, he makes himself responsible for anything that might happen. In other words, men get jealous because they consider women’s freedom to be dangerous for them.

By controlling women, men have a power to control everything themselves using a woman for pleasure and comfort while avoiding risks. Men become possessive out of fear they might lose a woman. However, even though paradoxically it proves they care and love women, rejecting women’s freedom shows that jealous men are egoistic and, in fact, love themselves and not their women.

True love is voluntary. If a woman wants to be with another man, it means there’s no love present. Therefore, why trying keep a woman by your side if she doesn’t love you? In case she truly loves you, there’s no reason for you to be jealous. Still, jealousy often appears without any particular reason.

The Opposite of Love

Jealousy is the opposite of love. With men behaving badly jealousy is to blame. Jealousy ruins mutual understanding because men think they are better equipped to know what is best for women. Logically speaking, jealous men love themselves through their women. That is why jealousy is unethical. Jealous men use women as means to achieve their goals. To be ethical, one must allow another person to decide individually for himself/herself. How can one love and be jealous at the same time? This is impossible because to love a woman means to allow her to act as she wants. Any other kind of behavior forced on women by men makes love insincere. And insincere love is not love.

Is Jealousy Normal?

According to the recent statistics, more than 65% men reported they have been jealous at some point in their lives. One may wonder whether all men are naturally predisposed to being jealous. Historical reference to the patriarchic age might help understand why most men can be jealous. Patriarchic age is one of the causes of jealousy in men. Men’s will to possess and exploit women by owning their freedom can be explained historically.

Why do people get jealous? In the past, society existed under patriarchic paradigm. Men were not as jealous then because they owned women. Nowadays, modernity gave women their freedom. This might have caused men to suffer from jealousy because they no longer call the shots in the relationships. Therefore, the existence of jealousy is normal because it is widespread and historically justified. Moreover, people were jealous throughout the whole history of humanity. Take, for instance, Shakespeare’s “Othello”, the most famous story about jealousy. Believe it or not but, paradoxically, one may love and hate a person at the same time.

Even though some men may be naturally jealous, they do not control it. One cannot simply make a decision and start being jealous. It is more like an illness that disregards men’s wishes. In other words, men are jealous not by intention. However, pathological jealousy in men should be confronted and challenged. Jealousy is a feeling of unfulfilled desire. In fact, this desire cannot be fulfilled without violating ethics. One must deal with jealousy, battle it, struggle with it, and make peace with the way things are.

Overall, jealousy often goes along with love. When you love somebody or like somebody, seeing somebody else getting what you can’t get is hard. It is irritating, depressive, traumatic, and stressful. Being jealous is the way your mind deals with such situation. In other words, you are sad as any person not getting something desired would be.

Why You Get Jealous Even If You Don’t Date Her

Have you ever asked yourself “why am i so jealous” of a girl I didn’t date? It means that you want to date this girl. You may not love here yet but you are definitely interested. Now that you know why people get jealous, you should understand that possessive intentions do not work for you. You cannot attract a girl or start dating her by being jealous. It will only alienate a woman from you. Nobody likes jealousy even though most of the people become jealous at some point in their lives.

1. You Are Jealous Because You Don’t Date Her

It is really interesting why do guys get jealous when they do not date girls. Being unable to date a certain girl or being rejected can cause jealousy. Moreover, an unfulfilled desire gets to irritate a man in case he sees the girl he wants with somebody else. In this case, men usually think like that: “if I don’t date her, then nobody else should”. So, a certain girl should be alone her whole life only because she doesn’t date you. Or else you will be jealous. Real love, though, requires you to let a person you love choose individually. Still, men often get jealous exactly because they don’t date a girl. And they can’t help it.

2. You Want to Possess and Exploit

You’re wondering “why do I get jealous?” That is because you want to own, possess, and exploit a girl. As it was mentioned earlier, this is the opposite of love. It would be wise to avoid such approach and have a more appropriate behavior. You should behave in an ethically right way and let a woman decide on her own. Only then her decision will matter. Moreover, most likely she won’t let you control her anyway. More than half of all modern women apply ethics of feminism in their life. You may find a woman that wants to be controlled or is willing to give her freedom away. The question is whether you would really enjoy it or not?

3. You Do Not Express Love

Often, men get jealous thinking they love somebody. However, even though love and jealousy go hand in hand, you cannot love and be jealous at the same time. So, for example, if you really like a girl that dates somebody else, you should have strength to let her go. If you really love somebody to the point of being jealous, you should confront your jealousy and allow a woman to be happy. You don’t really want to date somebody who doesn’t want to date you. It would be insincere and hypocritical. You will not get any pleasure and happiness from that.

4. You Are Old Fashioned

You are out of time because your intentions to possess women or disallow them to be with somebody else except you have no place in the modern world. Feminism and women’s emancipation is a reality. Women are no longer subjected to men. You should embrace the equality and make a woman decide for herself whether she wants to be with you or not. And you should have enough strength to deal with the fact that somebody you like may not want to date you. It may be painful, stressful, and traumatic but you don’t have any other choice. So, deal with it and stop being jealous.

5. Rumination

Jealousy is an illness. It makes you obsessed with a woman that you don’t even date. This is called rumination because your whole existence becomes centered on a certain woman you’re jealous of. You harm yourself doing it. It is like seeing a cake in front of you that you can’t eat. Imagine somebody else eating it in front of you with you being unable to take a bite. Imagine yourself being very hungry. That is what jealousy makes with you. It exhausts and works in the same way stress does. In fact, jealousy can lead to stress and depression. So, next time you’ll be asking yourself why do men get jealous, keep in mind that they suffer this way. Suffer because they can’t get what they want to get. Seeing somebody else getting it only makes everything harder. You have no other choice but to deal with it for your own sake.

All in all, now you know the most important things about jealousy. Men are historically predisposed to being jealous. That is because they were dominating women in the past but cannot do it anymore. Emancipation of women made them equal to men. Therefore, you can’t and you shouldn’t try to possess, own or exploit women. You shouldn’t be jealous of a girl you don’t date either. This lowers your chances to date her. Jealousy alienates people and causes disarray in relationships. Not dating somebody you want to date automatically makes you jealous. Confront your jealousy and put it away at any cost. Good luck!

Do guys only get jealous if they really care about a girl?

Jealousy can happen for a good many reasons, but it’s almost never because you care so much about a person.

We can take a look at the guy you’re describing. Here we have a guy who has some level of interest in you. We don’t really know exactly what’s going on because you haven’t spoken to him about it and he’s showing affection in some relatively safe and somewhat immature ways. Playful pokes at work are pretty tame and not very meaningful on their own. If I pass my sister at work in the hallway and she doesn’t notice me, I’ll give her a poke. Compliments are easy and he’s not complimenting you on a personal level, just a generic level. You used to talk via text, which is the safest and easiest way to communicate. If you’re both shy, there’s nothing wrong with that, but now that you’re showing interest in him, he’s backing off and not carrying on conversations like he used to, even via text.

I would tend to think this guy is really insecure. He may feel intimidated by the thought of a relationship with you and doesn’t know how to proceed past the point you’re at now, so he’s backing away. If he’s interested and sees you talking to other guys the jealousy comes out because he feels like he’s losing his opportunity with you and suddenly feels insecure. His way of dealing with that isn’t to show his interest in you, but instead to put down his perceived competition by insulting them. Likewise accusing you of flirting when you weren’t is a sign of his insecurity. His imagined scenario of you being interested in someone else takes over and he puts that onto you, whether or not you deserve it.

So is this guy jealous because he cares about you? Maybe. What’s certain is that he’s jealous because he’s insecure about his relationship with you, whatever that might be. You can fix that by talking to him outside work. If you like this guy, it’s time to take things outside the office and see where they go. Helping to reassure him that you are interested in him might help with his feelings of insecurity and jealousy.

Having said that small dissertation, I feel it’d be remiss of me not to emphasize this to you again: jealousy is NOT about caring! Jealousy is about insecurity. If you’re looking to date a guy who is jealous all the time, you’re probably in for a bad run. There are some people who find jealousy to be attractive. They take it as a sign their partner loves them and doesn’t want them with other people. It’s really a sign that a partner feels that he / she might lose the person they care about to someone else. That can manifest in a lot of ways: negativity certainly. You’re seeing that now from this guy. It can manifest in violence as people challenge their perceived threats. I can also manifest by placing their fears onto the person they’re scared of losing. “You were flirting a lot. It’s embarrassing.” You weren’t doing anything of the sort. He put his fears onto you and blamed you for them. Always….Always be cautious when dating a jealous partner. Having someone always second guess you and everyone around you out of their own insecurity is NOT a pleasant way to live.

Is it OK if I spend the night with friends? Will my boyfriend be mad if I accept the follow request I just got from that guy I have known for years?

Is he jealous when I talk to other guys? Is he threatened by the fact that he may lose me?

Will he get mad if I come home late this evening? Or am I just imagining things?

These are all the questions no girl should be asking herself. However, these and similar things have been running through your head lately and you simply can’t avoid them.

Your gut is telling you that your boyfriend is extremely jealous but to be frank, he has never told you anything straightforwardly so now you are not sure whether you’re exaggerating or if he is really a possessive control-freak.

No man will just show or admit that he is a jealous guy. It’s a nasty personality trait that can be very dangerous, especially for the sake of your relationship.

Let’s face it, all guys get jealous in some situations. Nevertheless, there is a huge difference between cute jealous behavior and possessiveness.

One of the biggest mistakes you can make is to think about things such as, “He is jealous for me because he loves me too much.” Remember that jealousy is never a sign of love—it is a sign of a man’s insecurity and his attempt to control you.

If your man shows early signs of jealousy, it can destroy your relationship from the beginning because jealousy very easily turns into possessiveness and it can turn him into a monster.

So, are there any proven signs that he is a jealous boyfriend that you can discover despite the fact he’s hiding them? No one can be sure.

It all depends on how you look at it and how you interpret his behavior. It’s possible that sometimes you get the wrong impression and accuse him, even though he is not guilty.

Truth be told, men always send mixed signals and you never know what they are actually thinking about and you’re left with no choice other than to guess what goes around in their head. They will never tell you directly but they will try to hide it and send subtle messages which you have to read.

Why do guys get jealous and why do guys hide their jealousy?

– They want to hide their weaknesses and low self-esteem

– Women want strong men who aren’t easily threatened

– They don’t want to show their emotions

– They don’t want to be rejected because of their jealous behavior

– They are insecure and compare themselves to your ex boyfriends

Jealousy makes us do things we wouldn’t normally do and this is especially true for guys. When they are in a relationship, they can get extremely possessive and the reason behind it is that they are either simply a jerk or they are very insecure.

When they get emotionally attached to someone, they are afraid that they are not good enough for that person and that’s why they begin to play a game of control and jealousy.

If your guy is reasonable, the best thing you can do in this situation is to let him know that you aren’t going anywhere, that you love him and that he doesn’t have to worry. Assure him that if you ever have a problem or some unresolved issues in your relationship, he is going to be the first person you’re going to talk to.

He will understand that you just have to talk to him nicely. Nevertheless, if he is the jealous type, he will never change.

You’re never going to have any space or time to yourself. You’re always going to be questioned when you get back home and he’s never going to trust you.

Anyway, it’s so hard to recognize the red flags that he is the jealous type because he hides it all the time. Men are very confusing creatures.

When they were kids, they punched and poked girls because they didn’t know how to express that they liked them. The same goes for this—they’d rather get all passive-aggressive than admit that they have a problem.

They act like they don’t care about you and then they say they love you. Who can keep up with this confusing behavior?

Don’t worry, keep reading to clear all the doubts you’ve had so far and see whether he’s really jealous or if you are maybe overreacting.

Is he jealous signs

If you’re looking for a list signs he is jealous, here they are. Also, if you want to do a “Is he jealous?” quiz, you’re in the right place—just follow the points mentioned below and if you can associate your boyfriend with more than half of them, you have more than enough proven signs he is jealous and possessive.

1. He pouts when you talk about someone

If you have a funny story from work or something happened to you and it involved another person, (for example, your coworker or your male friend) and you talk about it to your boyfriend or husband but you speak with excitement, he won’t be glad to hear you talking about that. Sometimes it doesn’t even matter whether it is about a guy or a girl, it’s just when it’s someone else and that is one of the first signs a guy is jealous.

He won’t tell you upfront but he will make faces and gasp (which are both clear body language signs he is jealous) while you’re talking about that person and the situation you were in, as if you did a bad thing. That is one of the clearest signs a guy is jealous but trying to hide it because he doesn’t want to seem too attached.

He doesn’t want to show it because he knows it’s disrespectful to you. However, like anything, this jealousy can cross the line and become extremely dangerous.

2. He is too sweet and charming

This is not strange if he acts like this all the time but if he is not the romantic type and then all of a sudden he starts giving you enormous amounts of attention, you can guess that something is wrong. He’s probably scared of losing you and that is why he’s calling you non-stop—to check up on you.

Maybe you started a new job or you met some new people, including new male friends, and now he feels threatened. He won’t say it to your face because he doesn’t want to show his weakness. He’ll try to hide it but his feelings will be stronger and they have to come out one way or another.

3. He plays hard to get

If you see that he is acting strange all of a sudden for no particular reason, that he is more distant instead of talking to you upfront after you’ve done something he probably doesn’t like, these are some of the signs he is jealous but hiding it. If you talked to another guy and he saw you and suspected something, he will pull away from you and close himself off and he will keep you at arm’s length.

One of the reasons for that is that he wants you to chase him and ‘win’ him over, so he can reclaim his sense of self-worth by making you prove to him that he is still in first place in your life. He wants you to prove to him that you still love him and that you don’t care for that other guy.

So, if you chase him and push him into revealing why he’s acting strange, he will probably stop because he’ll see that he is being a jealous boyfriend for no reason. He’ll realize that the other guy doesn’t mean anything to you and that you still love him.

4. He acts tough

One of the telltale signs that he is jealous but is hiding it is when he starts acting tough even though it’s not in his nature. His male pride starts kicking in because he feels threatened and sees that his already low self-esteem is about to get completely crushed.

He wants to fight anyone who takes a look at you (including your guy friends) because he wants to show everyone that you’re his and no one else’s.

This can also be very dangerous and a sign of unhealthy jealousy because if he takes it too far, you can pay the price for that. He may start forbidding you to do things just because of his insecurity or even become violent.

He won’t trust you and will constantly have the feeling that you are hiding something from him. If his jealousy crosses this line, it may turn into abusive behavior.

Watch out for it and if this happens, try to talk to him. If you can’t reason with him, leave him immediately because it will only get worse.

5. He is weird when you go out without him

Another thing that makes your boyfriend jealous is you spending time without him. This can be a double-edged sword because you can never be quite sure whether he is acting weird because he is jealous or because he is genuinely sad that you went out without him.

Maybe he really loves spending time with you and misses you when you’re not around, so that is why he’s been texting and calling you all the time.

However, if you see that he is acting possessively and is questioning you a lot, then he is definitely just nervous because he is sure that you will do some bad things for your relationship—for example, flirt with other guys or even cheat on him while you’re gone. Usually, this means he is acting strange because he is scared of losing you and he can’t watch over every move you make.

He can’t control where you go or what you do and that makes him anxious and scared that you’re going to meet someone new and leave him.

6. He just shows up

We all have to have some time for ourselves or the time when we want to hang out with our friends without our boyfriend present. I mean it’s okay, you love each other, but sometimes you just need a break and if this is something your partner has a problem with, you should see it as a warning sign of jealousy.

Well, if your boyfriend just happens to be popping up at the places where you go with your friends (especially when it comes to your guy friends and male coworkers), wouldn’t that be a bit suspicious?

Definitely yes, because he is clearly going to those places on purpose to check up on you. He is a jealous guy and doesn’t trust you, so he has to see with his own eyes that you aren’t doing anything bad.

This is so frustrating and you shouldn’t have to live this way, with the constant feeling that someone is keeping track of every move that you make. If he doesn’t get that he is crossing the line, leave him.

7. He will make it all about power

If something makes your boyfriend jealous, he won’t talk to you about it and instead, he will start a power war. He is so insecure and frustrated that he is deliberately going to destroy your sense of self-worth so he can win the power game and ‘restore’ order.

All of a sudden, he will pout and create a fight out of every little thing. Nothing special has to happen but he may just forbid you to do some things, such as having social media profiles (because he imagines that you flirt with other guys there or that you’ve been using it to stalk your ex boyfriend) or ask you to give him your phone, just so he could see who you’ve been texting.

It is not that these things really bother him—he only wants to show you who is in charge and who has the control in a relationship. Besides, he also wants to prove to himself that he is in first place in your life and that you love him enough to do whatever he tells you to do.

Be honest—how many times has the sentence, “He isn’t jealous for me—he is jealous of me,” crossed your mind? How many times have you noticed that your partner is actually threatened by your strength and seen that he is doing everything he can to destroy it, so he could feel better about himself?

These are not men, these are boys who haven’t got a clue what life (and especially love) is. Try to avoid these kinds of men because they are potential maniacs and control freaks who just need one trigger to go crazy and make your life miserable.

8. He wants to end things between the two of you

This doesn’t happen a lot but when it happens, you can’t recognize it as a sign of jealousy, as it’s so subtle that it disguises itself as something else. However, if you dig into the matter more deeply, you’ll see things more clearly and get what is going on.

If he wants to end the relationship all of a sudden without a reason, it must be something he is ashamed to admit. We all know how much men value strength and avoid showing their feelings in public, especially the fact that they are as vulnerable as we all are.

Well, he is possibly jealous of another man in your life because he is insecure and feels like he doesn’t deserve you. That’s why he’ll break it off before he falls for you even harder and before you end up hurting him.

9. He flirts with other women

Is he trying to make me jealous? What are the signs he is trying to make me jealous?

How many times have you asked yourself these questions, wondering whether you’re just imagining things or you’re really seeing the signs he is trying to make you jealous? If you’re trying to get an answer to the question, “Why is he trying to make me jealous?”, psychology can give it to you—he is doing it to rebuild his broken ego.

He is not usually like this, at least not in front of you, but lately, he is doing it more and more. You keep noticing red flags all over his social media, you catch him texting and even see him checking out other girls.

This behavior contradicts his personality and the way he usually acts. You have no other choice than to think that something is wrong but he keeps his mouth shut and doesn’t want to tell you anything.

Perhaps he thinks you are interested in someone else, so he tries to get back at you by flirting with other girls. You can see while he is doing it that he is really not as interested in them as he is interested that you can see him talking to other women.

10. He sulks when you’re out

Even when the two of you go out, he may show tell tale signs of jealousy but he’ll try to hide them so his insecurity does not get too obvious.

For example, if you want to go out and he doesn’t feel like it, he will go anyway because he doesn’t want to let you go alone. And once you go out, he’ll be in a bad mood and he’ll act like a baby.

He doesn’t want to do this, he doesn’t want to do that, he doesn’t want to go there… every little thing will bother him. However, he’ll try to hide it because he doesn’t want to tell you directly that he only went out because he didn’t want to let you out of his sight.

The next step in ruining your night out by getting you home where it’s safe is sulking, which is a trick you shouldn’t fall for. He is only doing this to get you home because he is worried that something or someone might be more interesting or fun than he is and he can’t take that.

Jealousy really is a bitch and it can be extremely dangerous if it crosses the line of acceptable behavior. Even if you love that person so much, don’t tolerate being emotionally abused just because he is insecure and can’t handle it so he projects it onto you.

After all, jealousy and trust don’t go together. It’s only one or the other.

Where there is jealousy, there is no trust. Where there is no trust, there is no real relationship.

It’s okay when it happens sometimes and in small amounts and it’s even cute but if it becomes a normal thing in your relationship, then you have a problem and you have to fix it, either by talking or by leaving.

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Pann: Do guys also get jealous of other guys’ looks
1. I read that guys, even among friends, have an unspoken hierarchy. So you will never be jealous of a guy who’s a higher rank, no matter how well they’re doing. But when a guy who’s a lower rank is doing well, you’ll be jealous. It’s similar for girls but for girls, all of them are a similar rank, not a hierarchy. So when one of them starts exceeding, they’ll be jealous and when one of them starts falling, she becomes an easy target. It’s still a stereotype, don’t trust it too much.
2. It’s true that they call an ugly man manly and a handsome man feminine ㅋㅋㅋㅋ I’ve seen guys calling a Ha Sungwoon lookalike feminine and calling a Go Changsuk lookalike manly ㅋㅋㅋ
3. I’ve barely seen guys being jealous of handsome looks.
4. What do you mean men don’t get jealous? I know an oppa who’s really handsome. His eyes are as pretty as Park Jihun’s. But he doesn’t look feminine, he has dark skin, and he’s just really handsome. And I’ve seen another fat, ugly oppa saying he doesn’t find him handsome. It made me speechless.
5. If guys call a guy feminine, it means the guys is 100% handsome ㅋㅋㅋ
6. Guys care about their athletic and gaming abilities much more than their looks.
7. I’m a guy and I can tell you that a lot of guys are confident with their looks. Even my friend who’s ugly said he knew he was considered handsome, which freaked me out.
8. I actually felt that guys’ jealousy and inferiority complex are more scary.

This is me letting you go

Thought.is

1. “I don’t get jealous when she flirts with other guys, I get jealous when the dog gets more attention than I do.” —Jake, 25

2. “If you fully trust her, there’s nothing she will do that makes you jealous.” —Michael, 26

3. “She always talks about how hot my brother is, and then she’ll back it up with ‘You two look alike so it’s a compliment!’ It’s not flattering that I’m convinced you want to sleep with my brother.” —Mario, 24

4. “She blatantly tries to get me jealous by telling me every time some other guy hits on her (which is often), and it never works. If anything that just makes me realize how lucky I am that she’s with me.” —Andy, 23

5. “She travels a lot for work, and I get extremely jealous of one of her co-workers. I completely trust her, but when you’re spending all day together and are staying in the same hotel, I wish that time was mine.” —Jeff, 25

6. “My girlfriend has a best friend that’s a dude. She justifies it with the whole ‘We’ve been friends forever, he’s like a brother to me,’ but I’m sure he doesn’t see it as a brotherly-type relationship, or at least hopes it’s not. I know she doesn’t want anything from him, but it makes me uncomfortable when they hangout alone. My girlfriend’s amazing, but guys can be pigs.” —John, 26

7. “She has an obsession with Channing Tatum, and I not only look nothing like him, but am definitely not built like him. Makes me wonder if she’s actually attracted to me, or I just have ‘an awesome personality.’” —Luke, 24

8. “I get jealous when she posts a sexy instagram and I’m not the only guy who gets to see it, and my blood starts to boil when I read other dudes’ comments. Yes, I know my girlfriend is extremely attractive, but is that ‘dayum’ really necessary?” —Bryan, 24

9. “I only get jealous when she flirts with other guys in front of me, if she does it and I’m not there, and then tells me about it later, I don’t care. The jealousy comes from seeing it happen, not hearing about it.” —Ezra, 26

10. “Not gonna lie, I get super jealous of ‘girl’s night.’ I love a night with my boys, but I’m always thinking about her when it’s happening, and I am 95% certain that when she’s got a glass of red wine, with a rom com and her girls, she’s definitely not thinking about me.” —Sam, 24

11. “Is it weird that I’m jealous of her brother? They’ve got a pretty tight relationship, and it can’t help that he doesn’t like me. Dating a girl with a brother sucks.” —Alex, 25

12. “I’m not jealous of her in a weird over-controlling boyfriend way, if anything I’m jealous of her ability to make everyone in a room like her. Wish I was a people person like she is.” —Paul, 24

13. “I get jealous of all the dudes she snapchats. Why are you snapchatting random guys? If your cleavage is even remotely visible in the picture they’re going to want to screenshot it, and I’ll be damned if another guy screenshots my girlfriend’s snaps.” —Kyle, 23

14. “She texts her ex, because she claims they’re ‘friends,’ but it still makes me jealous that she stays in touch with someone she used to bang. I don’t talk to my exes.” —Will, 24

The 10 Stages of Guys Getting Jealous

COVER ART Trixie Ison PHOTO Majoy Siason

Stage 1: “What? Seriously? Is this for real?”

At first look, guys usually don’t believe it. Most of the time, what comes to mind when a we see our girlfriend having fun with other guys is that she’s just being friendly. However, it comes to a point where it seems a little too much. What would catch our attention or bother us is when our girlfriend forgets about our presence. Huhuhu, why?

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Stage 2: “Hey, I’m sure I look better than him.”

This is the point where our egos burst. Guys would compare themselves with the other guy and of course, we will always, always be better. That’s a fact, not an opinion.

Stage 3: Getting a little violent… on the inside.

When we start feeling that our girlfriend really forgot about us already, we get violent, wanting to wrestle the other guy at the back of our minds. At this stage, we feel helpless. We probably want to stop what’s happening (i.e. our girl laughing uncontrollably while she’s with these guys), but we just won’t because our emotions just might get out of hand. #StruggleIsSoReal

READ: From Our Readers: To His Girl Best Friend I’ve Always Been Jealous Of

Stage 4: SOS: Calling or texting a bro or a close girl friend for some advice.

When we realize that we are not really sure on what to do or how to feel about the situation, we ask for help. We usually message our closest friends, tell them about what is happening, and ask them how to handle the situation. Well technically, we just really want our friends to make us feel better and assure us that our girl’s still ours.

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Stage 5: Attempting to calm down.

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Once we talked to our friends, we calm down a little and try to assure ourselves that we’re actually fine. We TRY. We try to believe that she really is just being friendly and there is nothing else beyond that. We would usually try to handle the situation as calm as possible but when we get jelly, we really get jelly, and it surely hits the spot. </3

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Stage 6: The cold treatment.

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If you think everything’s okay already, HAHAHA NO. It’s not over yet. There’s no doubt that we would try to make our girlfriend feel that we got jealous or that we do not like what just happened or what is happening. We find the simplest way to tell her that “hey, baby, I think you broke my heart a little” without losing our cool.

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Stage 7: Overthinking.

We just can’t stop thinking about it, or jus forget about it and let it all go. Just like girls, the thought would always keep running around in our heads. We’ll keep remembering that time when you left us standing alone at the corner watching you have fun with other guys. Sometimes, we’ll even imagine or think of other things like you leaving us just to go and have fun. Cue: Sound of our hearts breaking.

READ: Yes, Even Guys Get Jealous Too

Stage 8: Getting her attention.

At this point, it’s either we become the better person or we attempt to make her upset too by not minding her and by having fun with our bros and our girl friends. I believe that most of the time, we try to be the better person but sometimes it’s just hard. We will also work on ourselves instead and how we can win our girlfriend’s attention back, making her realize that it’s more fun to be with us than any other guy or person in the world.

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Stage 9: Getting a little clingy.

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Once we’ve gotten her attention, we mostly want to do so many things with her and prove her that it really is more fun to be with us. We would constantly talk to her, ask her to hang with us, or be a little extra protective of her.

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Stage 10: The confrontation.

Once all is well and she’s back in our loving arms and we’re already calm and ready, we raise the question: “Remember that time when…” And when she tells us her side and explain what really was going on, like that was nothing, and apologize for making us feel that way, everything’s alright in the world again. For us guys, just an assurance from you would make us feel that, yes, that truly was nothing and we’re greater than any other guy in her world.

READ: Jealous Much?

Got guy troubles you want us to help you with? Let’s talk in the comments! 🙂

Men Talk About Why They Get Jealous

There are few emotions harder to control than jealousy. Anger can be controlled, sadness will wash away, and happiness can be ended swiftly with a single misstep. Jealousy, though, is trickier. It can creep into every aspect of your life if you’re not careful, and can lead to you making terrible mistakes. Jealousy is often at the root of horrible crimes men commit against their partners. The suspicion that you’re being cheated on is a horrible feeling, but it pales in comparison to the harassment, violence and even murder that can result from uncontrolled jealousy. That’s why it’s important as men to talk about these things before they go too far.

Thanks to the secret-sharing app Whisper, we get a glimpse inside the minds of normal guys who are being eaten up inside by jealousy. They range from the petty and superfluous to the powerful, from the sad and touching to the hypocritical, from the strange and unexpected to the downright toxic. One thing is clear — talking to your partner about the causes of your jealousy is incredibly important when it comes to working through it. Keeping it to yourself will often only help it worsen and intensify, and being in a relationship where you’re constantly jealous of the other person isn’t fun for anyone.

Jealousy isn’t necessarily a problem, but it might be a sign of a problem within one of your relationships

From an evolutionary perspective, the purpose of jealousy has always been to motivate us into action to help secure our survival and the survival of our offspring, Baland Jalal, a neuroscientist at Cambridge University School of Clinical Medicine, says. (Jalal co-authored a paper reviewing the current understanding of the evolutionary basis of jealousy and envy that was published in 2017 in the journal Frontiers in Psychology.)

Our friends and our mates help us survive, reproduce, and do what we want to do in our day-to-day lives. Feeling jealous is a signal that someone else might be putting a relationship you have and rely on at risk — and you may need to do something about it to either save that relationship or find what you’re getting out of that relationship somewhere else.

“Jealousy is hard-wired in all of us,” Jalal says.

It can be useful if you recognize the feeling and respond in a way that helps you address a problem or something you are struggling with in a relationship, Stern says.

Let’s say your partner has been spending more time at the office with colleagues. You’re picking up there’s something wrong between you two. Maybe there’s a reason for you to be jealous, or maybe you’re feeling the way you do because those longer hours your partner spends at the office cut into the time you and your partner used to spend doing a hobby together (and losing that time is taking a toll on you and your partner’s closeness).

Recognizing and acknowledging those feelings will help you take steps to actually identify what’s wrong or causing you to feel upset – and it might help you and your partner address it, Stern explains.

But excessive jealousy can be distressing and destructive — for everyone involved

A degree of jealousy can be a useful reminder that you shouldn’t take a loved one or friend for granted, explains Daniel Freeman, PhD, professor of clinical psychology at University of Oxford, who has researched mental health topics including delusions and paranoia. “And for some people, a mildly jealous partner is a partner who cares.”

Jealousy becomes toxic for relationships, however, if left unchecked, Freeman adds. Trust is a key component of any healthy, successful relationship. Jealousy breeds suspicion, doubt, and mistrust, which can snowball into pretty intense emotions and behaviors, he says. We may become preoccupied with the fear of betrayal. We might start checking up on our friend or partner constantly, trying to “catch them.” We might become possessive of that person.

“What began as a partnership of equals can degenerate into an unhappy relationship of guard and jailer,” Freeman says.

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Sometimes feeling a twinge of jealousy is a sign there’s something you need to work on in a relationship or some aspect of that relationship isn’t going how you want it to be going.

It happens because the emotion centers of the brain (the ones that make us feel jealous) are wired separately from the reasoning centers of the brain, Jalal explains. And that means our emotions can override rationality and logic.

“For example: I know it’s silly for me to feel jealous of my partner spending time with a member of the opposite sex on the job, but I can’t seem to help myself,” Jalal says.

At one point in our evolutionary history, being triggered by jealousy in an extreme way may have been important for our survival. But today, that type of aggressive response is a sort of maladaptive one, Jalal notes. It causes stress and usually isn’t the best way of addressing the problem.

How to create a life based on what you care about

May 7, 201903:31

7 better ways to handle jealous feelings

What should you do to better address twinges of jealousy in a productive way when they do show up? Here are a few steps to try.

1. Pay attention to what you’re telling yourself

Take a step back and think about what you’re telling yourself about the situation, Stern says. You’re at the movies and you see your best friend there with another friend. Does it really warrant you being jealous of the person your best friend invited instead of you? Is it a sign your friend doesn’t want to hang out with you? Or is it just that your friend knew you didn’t want to see that movie?

“The things that you tell yourself will often drive the emotions you feel,” Stern says.

2. Turn the focus inward

Jealousy gets triggered because you feel your relationship might be at risk. Rather than assuming someone else is instigating that threat, stay in your own relationship, Stern says. Maybe your friend is spending more time with another friend because you’ve been busier, and it’s a sign you need to make more time for that friend.

Focusing on your relationship with that person helps you address whatever might be wrong, rather than cycling into a downward spiral of blame and hurt feelings.

Exactly How To Make A Man Jealous

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“How can I make my man jealous?” is a question many women wonder about. Making a man jealous isn’t super complicated… but it can actually backfire if you don’t know how to do it right.

In fact, it could cause so much damage that it’ll end your entire relationship or kill your shot of having a relationship with him because it will come off the wrong way and it’ll be obvious that you were intentionally trying to play a mind game with him.

I’m not saying you are playing a mind game with him, but this is how he will perceive it if you go about this the wrong way. That’s why it’s important to remember: use these methods with extreme caution and be warned…

He might end up becoming extremely possessive, calling you too many times and even demanding to know who you’re talking to and who certain guys are in your life.

He might even start demanding your passwords to all your accounts and social media and feel entitled to behave this way. So don’t say I didn’t warn you that extreme jealousy can be a lot like playing with fire.

Now, I do know how to make a man jealous. And yes, it’s not all that complicated, and yes, I’m going to explain exactly how to do it, don’t worry. However, it’s not the way I would choose to attract a man’s attention and love.

There are much better ways to attract a man and make him chase you than making him jealous. You can find out how to attract him here or how to make him chase you here.

However, with that said, because it is a question do many women ask and want to know I’m going to give you the most powerful ways to make a man jealous.

Take This Quiz And Find Out Right Now: Is He Slipping Away

Some men are more prone to jealousy than others, though, which means that you have to look at your specific situation and only apply the techniques if you feel it will be effective rather than a trainwreck.

First let’s talk about what to do if you’re currently in a relationship.

How To Make Him Jealous If You’re In a Relationship With Him

The Make Him Jealous Steps

  • Make more of an effort to look good than usual (put in a lot of effort in your hair, what you wear, how you apply your makeup, etc.)
  • Talk to “guy friends” and if he asks who the guys you are talking to are, say “they’re just friends!” (Note: make sure they are actually friends don’t go behind his back and cheat on him, I am not advocating cheating!!!)
  • Be busy (whether it is going out with your friends more and occupy your time with things other than wanting to spend time with him, joining some new activity or taking up some new hobby)
  • Be extremely “awesome” when around his guy friends (Don’t do this in an obvious flirtatious way but rather a very “normal,” natural way… so that you are “technically” not doing anything wrong but are in reality knowingly acting a certain way to make his friends see you as amazing. If he sees his friends react to you positively or even make a positive comment about you this will then end up making him feel possessive and jealous.
  • Be Extremely Friendly and Fun (being extremely friendly, happy, smiling and just enjoying life is a surefire way to attract attention toward you in an organic rather than forced way; this kind of attention you receive will make him feel jealous and possessive because he wants to have you all to himself)
  • Be Vague (for example, if he asks how your night was, say it was good! Don’t go into detail. Let his imagination wander and come up with whatever story it wants to. This is more effective than you filling in details).

more: The Exact Reasons Men Lose Interest And How To Fix It

Some “Out There” Ideas

These ideas are more “out there” and risky but I will include them in case. Just remember… use extreme caution.

  • Post sexy pictures of yourself on social media (not too often, though, or it looks obvious)
  • Send Yourself A Gift or Flowers from “anonymous” and act like you don’t know who it’s from
  • Openly flirt with other men in front of him in an innocent way but just enough so that the guy is clearly attracted to you (only do this in front of him, not behind his back!) This could ignite a primal urge within him to say, “hey! She is mine. Back off.) Be careful with this one; either it will work amazingly well and make him feel a good kind of jealousy or become a trainwreck of accusations and fighting).

more: The Definitive Friends With Benefits Rules

General Tips To Make A Guy Jealous If You’re Not In A Relationship

If you are not in a relationship, this is trickier because if he doesn’t have any interest in you in “that way,” it won’t be possible to make him jealous.

So realize this is only going to work if he is already interested in you in some way. If he is not, you will literally be unable to make him feel even one ounce of jealousy.

  • Flirt with a lot of guys in a carefree, casual, fun way (not a desperate, over the top way)
  • Have a friend of yours openly mention how many men are interested in you (the risk here is sounding like it’s being done on purpose, but you at least minimize this risk if it is a friend bringing it up; meanwhile, you will be like “omg stop it, that’s not true!” which makes you seem like you have nothing to prove, thereby making him actually jealous)
  • Keep your options open (date other men; don’t go out of your way to talk to him about it, simply do it).
  • Be Unavailable Yet Available (give him glimpses of your amazing self in short time increments; do not be too available, make sure to never accept a plan last minute and when you are available show him your absolute best self so he longs for more). Being totally unavailable is a bad idea because you will give him nothing to long for, which is why the tease of being available sometimes and then not having time for him is the best method).

more: When A Guy Is Jealous…

  • Be Amused And Indifferent To Other Women: never react negatively if he ever mentions finding a woman hot or women who are attracted to him (not reacting is going to be very intriguing to him because most women would react)
  • Be Extremely Fun (for example, you can playfully mention how you are sometimes attracted to women, you can be spontaneous and laugh a lot, enjoy life and be energetic and full of life)
  • Don’t Contact Him First Often (yes, you can contact him sometimes but try not to be the first one to do it… if he does it this is a much better situation… and you can sometimes reply right away but then wait at least 20 minutes to reply… I repeat… at least 20 minutes…)
  • Be Extremely Sweet Yet Unavailable (this is important because a lot of women mistake being bitchy as the secret recipe to make a man jealous because it comes off as aloof and indifferent… nope, the reality is being extremely bitchy makes him less likely to be jealous. Being mean makes him happy he is not more serious with you. I am sorry to have to be so blunt but it is the truth. He will be jealous if you are sincerely sweet and have no air of fake viciousness about you. So many women have the false belief that “men love bitches,” which is literally a complete lie. So it is not your fault if you feel that being mean is the way to rile him up… nope. Being sweet but only being available in small increments will make him extremely jealous. Why? Because he will think to himself, “damn… so many guys would want to be with her…”
  • Always Look As Good As Possible If You Know You Are Going To See Him (and even if you are not going to see him; really focus on your appearance so you feel your best).
  • Date, sleep with or flirt with his friends or relatives (especially if you know of some guy who he specifically feels competitive with or would be jealous of). This is a crazier idea, though, and is to be used with extreme caution. And only do it if you find the man attractive and it feels good to you; don’t just do it if you are going to feel ashamed and bad about yourself.

more: 5 Things That Make A Guy Jealous

How To Make Your Ex Jealous

How do you make your ex jealous? You can use the above tips that apply but I want to give you a few specific pointers to make sure you know what to do if you really want to drive him nuts.

  • Do not contact him at all or show you care (this will confuse him because if you go out of your way to contact him he will feel like he has you obsessed whereas if you don’t he will feel like he’s lost you)
  • Date someone new (dating someone new is obviously going to make him jealous and feel you moved on; if he has any feelings for you this will make him come running back
  • Date someone he knows of (who you know he will find out you are dating but do not make it too obvious because this comes off as very desperate)

There you go… I have given you many ways to make a man jealous.

more: 5 Tricks To Make A Man Jealous

warning:

Making a man jealous might give you some short term satisfaction but will not lead to long-term success unless you also shift your mindset to looking for a truly compatible match rather than someone you feel the need to “make jealous.”

Making a man jealous is not going to necessarily lead to having the success you want in relationships… I understand what your motivation is behind wanting to do this. There are many different motivations and none of them are “bad” or “wrong.” The truth is, the best thing you can do in general, in life and in love, is to let things happen naturally.

Trying to force jealousy to rile a man up is an artificial way of approaching a relationship and could honestly backfire in ways you cannot even imagine.

Making a man jealous can end up in a total train wreck of a situation. And I mean a total fiasco debacle of the century where you end up bringing out his worst side, making him act out of control, become unbearably possessive and accusatory.

You might want to take a step back and really think about finding a compatible match, someone you organically click with… a man who you just have fun with and do not need to “do things” in order to make him interested in you…

If you find someone who you effortlessly connect with and you are compatible with, this will set the foundation for a truly happy and healthy relationship.

I hope this article helped you learn the best ways to make a guy jealous (even though I don’t think that’s the best way to keep him interested). I get asked about this a lot, and usually it’s because she feels like her man is pulling away and losing interest in her, and she’s desperately trying anything she can to pull him back. The bad news is that once a guy really is pulling away from you there’s a very short window to stop him or he’ll be gone forever. The good news is that if you want to stop him from losing interest then you need to read this right now or miss your chance: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…

Want to find out he’s slipping away from you

Take The Quiz: Is He Slipping Away

Is He Slipping Away?Take the Quiz

In summary…

  • Make more of an effort to look good than usual
  • Talk to your “guy friends”
  • Be busy and have a full schedule
  • Be extremely “awesome” when around his guy friends
  • Be really friendly and fun
  • Be vague with him
  • Flirt with lots of guys in a carefree casual way
  • Keep your options open
  • Be unavailable sometimes but still available when you want to be
  • Don’t contact him first too often
  • Always look your best around him

How To Make a Guy Jealous For the Right Reasons!

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Sometimes You Just Want a Guy to Notice You!

Have you ever wished you could snap your fingers and make a guy fall head over heels in love with you? I am sure it is many a girl’s dream come true – to be chased by the guy who makes you weak at the knees, and not have to do anything at all but be your wonderful self! That sort of thing never happens in real life though, does it?

No, in real life the guys you like almost always don’t even realize you exist! So some girls like to get a guy’s attention by making him jealous – But does it really work? Well, the outcome depends on two things:

  1. What do you want to achieve as an end result?
  2. What are your real reasons for doing it in the first place?

If your end aims and your initial reasons for making your guy jealous are positive, then you have a good chance of making your dreams come true!

Is It Okay To Want to Make a Guy Jealous?

There are many valid reasons for wanting to make a guy feel jealous.

  • Perhaps you feel neglected in your relationship and you want your guy to pay more attention to you? There’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel special and desired!
  • Or maybe you want to give your guy a taste of his own medicine and let him know how you feel when he flirts with other women? Sometimes the only way you can make a person understand the effects of their own behavior, and help them to change, is to hand them a mirror!
  • What if there is a guy who seems to go out of his way to ignore the fact that you really like him? Can you ignite his natural male instincts to compete with other guys and chase you, simply by making him jealous? Well actually, this might be one of the most valid reasons to make a guy jealous! And we will explore it further in a minute.

But first…

When Is It Wrong To Want to make a Guy Jealous?

If you have other reasons for wanting to make a guy feel jealous, try to think about the outcome you want. Is it a positive outcome you are looking for? Is it realistic? Or is it malicious? Intentionally wanting to hurt a guy by making him feel jealous is cruel, there is no real constructive outcome, and it isn’t going to make you feel any better or achieve anything in the long run.

If this is the case, then maybe it is better for you to focus on trying to find positive ways to resolve your own issues – work out why you feel the way you do and try to take responsibility for your own feelings, instead of projecting it onto someone else.

When you take responsibility for yourself, you are also taking control, and you will feel much stronger and able to focus on things that genuinely make you feel happy and good about yourself.

Remember: Revenge is always ugly and pointless. If you don’t have a positive aim – don’t bother!

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Tap Into His Natural Male Instincts to Chase You (By Making Him Jealous!)

Let’s go back to my favorite reason to make a guy jealous – tapping into his natural male instincts to chase you.

All men are hard-wired to enjoy the thrill of the chase. One way of getting the guy you like to take notice of you is to show him that there is competition, and this is where trying to make him jealous can have a positive effect!

Essentially, when you go about trying to make a guy jealous, what you really want to do is kick start him into action. You want to show him that other guys want you and that there is a ticking clock if he wants to get in there first. It is not about hurting anyone; instead it is about giving them a gentle shove in the right direction! Or inspiring them to take action and ask you out!

Here’s how to do it:

  1. Go out of your way to flirt with everyone but him. This will get his initial attention! If he secretly already likes you, but hasn’t been showing it, he will suddenly feel under pressure to get your attention, because he can see that he has competition. You have upped the stakes!
  1. When you have caught his attention, start to flirt with him too, but not as much as with the others. You want to make him work harder for your attention, but you don’t want him to a) Think you’re not interested at all, or b) Be put off because you’re all over him immediately. All that is going to do is spoil the thrill of the chase for him! The less you show you like him, the more interested and focused he will be on finding out what the others see in you.
  1. When he sees that other guys are responsive to your flirtatious personality, you can start to work this to your advantage and make him jealous by directing more of your attention towards the guys who are reciprocating it. Make it look fun; make him want to be a part of the banter. You want to get him to the point where he is competing with his mates for your attention. Don’t forget to laugh and smile and joke and tease. Just have fun with it, and enjoy being the center of attention!
  1. As soon as your guy sees that his friends desire you, you will immediately become a more desirable prospect to him. So even if he didn’t think he fancied you to begin with, the mere fact that other guys are competing for your attention will make him want to be part of the fun too. Now he is on the chase!

Why Would a Guy Pretend Not To Be Interested In You?

Never be put off by a guy who appears uninterested, or who is giving you mixed signals. There are many reasons your guy may not have made it obvious that he likes you. Here are some of them…

  • Some guys are shy and don’t know how to approach you.
  • Others may be worried that you don’t feel the same way and are afraid of rejection.
  • Often guys have to deal with a lot of peer pressure within their own social groups, and this can affect confidence levels. Guys who are affected by peer pressure may be more cautious about the types of girls they show interest in, because they need the approval of their peers.
  • Maybe he is worried that his friends will make fun of him for liking you.
  • Or maybe he isn’t sure if he likes you enough yet to let you know!

If a guy isn’t being obvious about the fact that he likes you, don’t worry about it. Just focus on luring him into the chase…

How To Lure a Guy Into The Chase By Making Him Jealous

The absolute best way to lure a guy into chasing you, once you have caught his attention is by playing hard to get. When you play hard to get, you can do small things to create jealousy or more importantly desire, which will encourage your guy to work harder at getting your attention. Here are some ideas.

1. Be unavailable by living your own life. Nothing drives a man wilder than when he can’t seem to pin down the girl he is interested in. The more unavailable you are, the more attractive you become, because the guy has to work harder to get your attention. So continue to put your life first, and let him work hard for your time. Tip: The harder a guy has to work to get you, the more precious you become to them! Guys are more likely to fall deeply in love with girls who were more of a challenge to get.

2. Accept other dates. If you show the guy you like that other guys are interested in you, and want to take you out, then his natural competitiveness will kick in. His jealousy will act in a positive way and make him want to compete with other guys in order to win your affections. It will become his mission to get in there first! Tip: When you start accepting dates from other guys, you are basically putting your guy’s chase on a timer, which actually makes it more exciting and intense for him!

3. Make him jealous by turning him into your confidante. There’s nothing worse than becoming the guy who the girl goes to for advice on her love life, especially when the guy you go to for your advice is falling for you – Imagine the frustration! If you can become comfortable enough with your guy to confide in him about all of your love problems though, then not only will you be able to pull at his jealousy strings in order to get him to take action and tell you how he feels, but you will also be providing him with valuable personal insight, so that he has the opportunity to sabotage all of your other dates and keep you all to himself until he finds the courage to ask you out!

Remember: Sometimes invoking seemingly negative emotions in a guy, can work in a positive way to give them that extra prompt they might need in order to get him to share his true feelings with you! If your intentions are pure, then the outcome will be exactly what you deserve – success!

How To Make A Guy Jealous

If you could make a dollar for every time a girl typed the search term, ‘how to make a guy jealous’, you’d be living footloose and fancy-free on a private island, with a private jet. Why? Because, the sad truth is, that in the short term doing so can actually make a guy want you more, which is something that’s very hard to resist.

However, it’s literally one of the dumbest questions ever typed into a search bar.

That sounds harsh, but it’s not to make you feel bad about doing it. It’s natural and instinctual to want a guy to want you and most people ask this question at some point while dating and in relationships. The thing is, a variation of negative emotions are necessary for a man to maintain attraction. Like missing you or knowing that other men try to hit on you. This is where it gets confusing though, in that you feel like you have to set out to cause men to feel these emotions directly.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Games Don’t Get You Anywhere

While searching for, ‘how to make a guy jealous’, no doubt you’ve come across hundreds of articles with tips and tricks on what to do. Some of the most popular ones include:

Be seen with another guy on purpose.

Deliberately flirt with other men while you’re out with your guy.

Post pictures on social media while out with other guys, especially while wearing your skimpiest outfit.

Ignore his texts and phone calls.

Pretend to be too busy to see him.

Speak very highly about your ex and comment on his posts, often.

Set up scenarios with friends to mention how many men are into you or have them pretend to be an admirer texting you.

Will any or all of the above actions make a guy jealous? Yep, most likely, at least in the short term. Does engaging in games like these align with the behaviour of a high-value woman? Definitely not. In all seriousness, do you really want to live a life of pretence, in order to get a guy to either like you or stay with you?

Why Playing Games Ensures You Do Your Own Head In

While you’re trying to mess with your guy’s head and emotions, you are, in fact, making much more of a mess with your own. Once you start the ball rolling with jealousy games, you’ll forever feel like you have to keep them up, which is nothing but a toxic, unhealthy situation waiting to happen.

All that time and energy put into your next ‘trick’ leads to stress and anxiety, because you’ll always be wondering if you succeeded enough, for that week or the month. You’ll start pushing things a bit further if you don’t see immediate results. While trying to make him insecure, your own insecurity levels will rise because of the attention you’re giving to intentionally creating negative emotions – in someone you supposedly like, or even love.

Your actions might also result in the exact opposite outcome. He could see through the games and retaliate or become obsessive and possessive. If a guy is only just realising how much he likes you, playing with him like this could enlighten him to the fact that you’re insecure, superficial or emotionally immature and he’ll instinctually back off, rather than amp up his efforts.

Most importantly, you’ll quickly start resenting the situation, as your relationship becomes more about games than love. This certainly doesn’t do your own self-esteem any favours, especially as you’ve initiated the toxicity that may directly sabotage, rather than enhance, the relationship.

Realise That Men Feel Jealousy Indirectly

Picture all the ways you might feel jealous, in a nice way. It sounds counter-intuitive, but jealousy really can be a good thing. For example, let’s say you’re dating a really hot guy and every time you walk down the street with him, other women can’t help but cop an extra long look. It gives you a small pang of jealousy, but you like the fact you’re dating a guy who’s so hot.

He’s not deliberately making you feel jealous, it’s happening indirectly and, as a result, you feel even more attracted to him. This is exactly how it is for men. He sees a guy striking up a conversation with you at the bar and that bit of healthy competition reminds him of what a catch you are. You spend a weekend away with the girls and your guy misses you, amplifying his attraction for you.

Men should only ever feel jealousy, or any other negative emotion indirectly, not because you’re trying to make them feel bad. How do you ensure he feels these emotions indirectly? By being a high value, awesome woman who’s more interested in making her own life incredible, than playing petty jealousy games.

Related: Become A High-Value Woman in the Empowerment Academy

How To Make A Guy Indirectly Jealous

Now, back to the question that, hopefully after reading this, you’ll never ask again. The way to make a guy jealous is to not try and make him jealous. Put the concept out of your head and get ready to fill your mind with thoughts that lead to you behaving like the type of woman who naturally makes men jealous – in a good way.

“The way to make a guy jealous is to not try and make him jealous.”

First up, instead of challenging yourself to make your guy jealous, challenge yourself to being a better you. Invest that energy in projects, hobbies, activities and adventures that take you out of your comfort zone and help you grow. Let’s say you join a photography group and, along the way, meet new people including men with similar interests. Your guy will probably feel a little jealous as a result, in the best possible way.

By all means, have male friendships and stay in contact with your exes. But only do so because you truly enjoy their company and they add to your life, not because you’re trying to make your guy jealous. He’ll naturally feel this anyway because he’ll see how amazing other guys think you are and feel lucky he’s the one who’s with you.

Keep your air of mystery, in terms of having your own life and doing things that don’t include him. Privacy is also a must, in terms of setting boundaries with him about going through your stuff or your phone and vice versa. Unlike deliberately ignoring him or pretending to have secrets to purposefully drive him crazy, he’ll feel constantly intrigued about you and a tad jealous of what you do without him.

When you invest in yourself like this, you won’t need to deliberately flirt so your guy sees that other men want you. Everyone gravitates to people who are confident, carefree and authentic. Everyone wants to be around people who embrace life to the full and pack their time with interesting pursuits.

The glow of a high-value woman leads men straight to her and keeps them wanting more. She knows she doesn’t need to try to be anything other than the awesome woman she is. Most importantly, she’s not wasting her time searching for how to make a guy jealous. She’s much more interested in questions that help her learn, grow and become evermore high value – for herself.

Related: Become A High-Value Woman in the Empowerment Academy

10 Unusual Ways To Make Your Boyfriend Jealous, According To A Guy

For the record, I don’t agree with going out of your way to make your boyfriend jealous. It feels too much like a silly game that you shouldn’t be playing. That being said, here are some ways you can do it (or things you can avoid doing if you want to be a good, mature girlfriend).

Talking to a stranger
When your boyfriend sees you talking to a stranger, there’s a good chance he’ll assume that you’re flirting. I’ll admit that this is a terrible flaw that men have, but if your boyfriend doesn’t know the person you’re talking to and isn’t sure that he’s not a threat to steal you away, his thoughts will move to the worst-case scenario. This is jealousy with a side of insecurity.

Having a girls’ night out
This seems foolish because your boyfriend tells you not to worry when he has a guys’ night, right? That’s what makes jealousy such a funny thing. The problem is that guys have no idea what goes on during a ladies night. We assume that if you’re out, you’re either trying to meet other guys or that other guys are hitting on you. I don’t think I need to explain why this is a path to jealousy.

Obsessing too much over celebrity crush
OK, so we all have our celebrity “free pass” list, and sometimes it’s fun for couples to talk about them with one another. Still, you ladies need to make sure you don’t obsess over your celebrity crushes too much. If you get to the point of talking about how you want to have their babies, you’re taking things a little too far. At that point, we get a little jealous and start to feel like we’re not good enough for you.

Having a guy best friend
To be fair, we have no right to be jealous about this. If your best friend is a guy, he was probably your best friend long before we came into the picture. Even if we don’t see him as a romantic threat, we’re still a little jealous. To us, it just doesn’t sit right that there’s another guy out there who’s super close to our girlfriend.

Posting pictures of you and other guys
I really don’t think I need to explain why this will make your boyfriend jealous. Unless he’s a relative, posting a picture of you with any other guy feels like a slap in the face to your boyfriend. It may look harmless, and it may be harmless in real life, but it’s hard not to feel jealous when you’re cool posting a picture of yourself with some other guy for the whole world to see.

Mentioning positive memories of your ex.
It’s cool to be amicable with your ex, but you shouldn’t spend a ton of time reminiscing about the good times you spent with him. It will definitely make your boyfriend jealous to hear you talk about the fun you had with the one who came before him. Doing so will make us worry that you’re left the door open for a reunion, and that’s not a good feeling.

Having any physical contact with another guy in front of us
Again, it should be obvious why this would make your boyfriend jealous. Even if it’s harmless contact with your guy friends or even our friends, it doesn’t feel good to watch it. Any kind of hug or playful tap with other guys in front of us has the chance to drive us mad with jealousy.

Returning texts or calls the next day
This is the definition of playing games with a guy. If that’s what you’re trying to do, then this is actually a great idea. Waiting until the next day to get back to a guy will give him so much time to think about where you are, what you’re doing, and why you aren’t getting back to him. Quite frankly, it’s a little bit mean, but if you want to make your boyfriend jealous, it’s an effective move.

Making vague social media posts
Any vague post about your personal life will make a guy jealous. Part of the problem is that you’re putting it out there for the world to see. The other problem is that we feel like we should understand anything you post, so not knowing what you’re talking about will shake us to our core. It’ll make us both jealous and a little fearful that we’re not enough for you.

Mentioning that a guy asked you out
If your boyfriend is the least bit insecure, he’ll be crazy jealous upon hearing this. You might think it’s flattering and funny and be able to brush it off, but your boyfriend probably won’t. It will probably make him jealous and insecure. One thing you should probably know about guys is that we don’t like competition when it comes to women. If you mention that another guy asked you out, we won’t like it. In fact, if you want to make your boyfriend jealous, you can probably just make up a story about a guy asking you out. But as a guy, I’m begging you not to do that.

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Make a guy jealous

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