Kissing vs Making Out

There are a lot of ways to be intimate with your partner, and two of them is kissing and making out. These two are just among the most primitive and the most natural acts of intimacy that are very common to human beings all across the globe and across the span of time.

People define “making out” as the act of love-making. To understand more about the concept of kissing and making out, read on.

Kissing, to begin with, is defined as the act of placing your lips onto the surface of another person’s skin, lips, or of another object. A single kiss could signify a lot of things. It could be a kiss of gratitude, a kiss of friendship, a kiss of respect, a kiss of appreciation, a romantic kiss, and even a good luck kiss. But people are more interested in knowing about romantic kisses than any other forms of kisses so here are some facts. A girl would never be pregnant with a kiss alone (although the act of conceiving usually begins with a kiss). So if you haven’t been kissed or have not kissed at all because you’re afraid of this fact, get over it because it’s not true. Another fact is there are actually several types of romantic kissing. These are: French kissing, sucking kiss, whispering kiss, fruity kissing, stop and kiss, and nip kissing. All of these types of kissing are done to tease your partner into kissing you back, or it can lead to another level of intimacy.

Making out is not love-making at all. It is anything you sexily do with your partner except that of sex. Making out involves kissing using your tongue (French kissing), necking, rubbing, touching, fondling, cuddling, and any other sexy acts to sexually excite your partner but without actually doing sexual intercourse. Some people believe that making out is committing sex, but that is not true. This is considered as an ultimate act of affection and attraction, and people ideally do it with their partners. In fact, any simple skin-to-skin gestures that make you feel closer to your partner is considered making out. So however you want to approach it, whether with hurried-up aggression or slow-mo douce, just be yourself. Try whatever works for you and your partner.


1.Kissing is the act of placing your lips onto the surface of another person’s skin, lips, or of another object. However, making out involves kissing using your tongue (French kissing), necking, rubbing, touching, fondling, cuddling, and any other sexy acts to sexually excite your partner but without actually doing sexual intercourse.

2.Some misleading facts about kissing is getting a girl pregnant while making out is actual sex. Kissing alone would not get a woman pregnant while making out is not love-making at all.

3.Both kissing and making out are acts of affection, attraction, and intimacy.

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I’m not talking about stopping mid-kiss so you can spend a full five or six seconds sucking on your partner’s upper lip. That would obviously be weird. Instead, while you’re kissing gently, take a second, take your partner’s upper lip in your mouth just for a moment, suck it, and then go back to kissing. This doesn’t mean the full upper lip, just the cupid’s bow (the very tip of the upper lip).

If you’re making out for a long time, interludes such as this can add some fresh excitement.

Watch the jaw

Don’t move your jaw to quickly or too slowly. Kissing is a conversation and it’s important to get the rhythm down before you start going for any Guinness records. -Zack, 8 years of kissing experience.

Kissing is kind of a fluid motion. You go in, kiss a little, pull back for air a little, go in a little and so on. When you’re into it, try to keep the movements slow and even. You don’t have to go nuts with the motions, which can cause some jaw pain and be hella awkward.

Massage your partner’s tongue with yours

It’s a dance between your two tongues. Not a competition to see who can be the most forceful! -James, 9 years of kissing experience.

You don’t have to use your tongue through the entire make out session. If you want to just kiss without tongue too, it’s totally fine. When you ARE using tongue, your go-to move when Frenching can be a massage between your two tongues. You can also try different things and see what feels most comfortable.

Switch up the rhythm and keep me guessing. I love when guys stop and go and keep it playful – stops it from getting monotonous. -Gabby, 9 years of kissing experience.

Be gentle, be conscious of the cues the other person is giving you. If they pull their tongue away, maybe they just want to kiss without tongue for a while. That’s OK!

Try a light nibble of the lower lip (but not too much)

There is nothing I like more than when my boyfriend gently bites my lip. It’s playful and sexy. -Marie, 5 years of kissing experience.

This is very similar to the “upper lip” sucking tip, but instead it’s a light nibble on the bottom lip. This one takes some expertise. You do not want to go chomping down on your partner’s lip. Keep it light. It’s more like you’re grabbing your partner’s lip between your teeth, rather than biting. Try biting your own lower lip for practice.

Watch for teeth and slobber

Be careful, like, pulling away from each other because of the slobber. -Jess, 9 years of kissing experience.

Now, we are talking about tongue kissing here so there will be some slobbery spit and teeth clanking involved. Don’t stress too much over it, just be aware that these things exist.

Occasionally, you will clank teeth with someone and that’s perfectly OK. Just go straight back to doing your thing, bb. It happens to everyone!

Which brings me to my last point.

Remember, we’re all just trying to figure it out

We’re all self-conscious when it comes to kissing. We’re all self-conscious when it comes to, well, everything. Honestly, you don’t really get over the nervousness. Anytime you kiss someone new, there is internal doubt.

Just remember that we’re all trying to be impressive and sexy. No one knows what they’re doing. Kissing takes practice and chemistry with the right person. Not every kiss will be spectacular and few kisses will be miserable. Relax, take a breath, and remind yourself that kissing should be fun!

Some other important information:

Some studies have shown that it might be possible to pass HPV through tongue kissing. For more information, . It is also possible to pass the Herpes virus (HSV1) through kissing. HSV1 is the virus that causes the common cold sore. For more information, .

Gigi Engle is a writer and sex educator in NYC.

Related: 6 Things You Need to Know About Hickeys

Anyone can French kiss, but can anyone French kiss like you can? Not after you pick up a few French kissing techniques that will certainly wow your next date. All it takes is a few minutes, and you could have skills that could last you a lifetime.

Nine Ways to Make Your French Kisses Sizzle

You can’t just jam your tongue into your partner’s mouth and call it a French kiss. Frenching is a delicate art that includes a number of slow, sensuous tongue kissing techniques that create pleasure and desire. If you want to be more than just average at this intimate style of kissing, the following tongue kissing tips can a little finesse to your repertoire.

1. Gentle Tickle

After the first few kisses, lightly tickle your partner’s lips with the tip of your tongue in order to make out with tongue. You don’t want to lather his or her lips; just brush across them lightly like a butterfly’s wings. This move conveys a touch of innocence tinged with a willingness to explore, and it can be very enticing to the person you’re kissing with tongue.

2. Soft Murmur

Murmur a little “Mmm…” once in a while as you’re kissing. The sound alone lets your partner know how much you’re enjoying the kiss, but the soft vibration this creates against the lips just might create a shiver of pleasure.

Be careful not to murmur too much because it can be distracting and may even seem a little fake. Let the sound escape your lips naturally when you’re really feeling that kiss.

3. Darting

This tongue technique offers a good way to initiate some tongue contact, but it’s also very nice for kissers who don’t know what to do with your tongue when French kissing or enjoy using the tongue a little rather than a lot.

Begin with the soft tickle as described, and then gently press the tip of your tongue against your partner’s lips. When your partner opens the lips to accept you, slowly and softly dart your tongue into his or her mouth and then pull it back out. You can continue darting your tongue in and out as you vary the length of the contact. Take a cue from your partner’s own response and do what feels natural to you both.

4. Swirling

If the two of you want more contact, a bit of tongue swirling is in order. This involves rolling the tip of your tongue all the way around the tip of your partner’s tongue in a seductive, swirling motion.

To mix it up, you can transition between darting and swirling for a great makeout with tongue.

5. Nibbling

After a nice swirl, try pulling back in a slight pause, and then nibble ever-so-lightly on your partner’s lower lip. You have to be careful not to cause your partner pain; the nibble is meant to thrill your partner by adding a tiny element of danger to your kisses.

How to Kiss Using Your Teeth by Howcast

6. Sucking

This move is a little risky, but it can have fantastic results if your partner enjoys it. When he or she darts their tongue into your mouth, suck on it gently for a brief moment before you release it. If your partner liked it, they’ll come back for more and you’ll know what to do with your tongue when making out that your partner enjoys.

7. Invading

Invading is a bold move designed to elicit a big response, and you should only do it if your partner is into full contact Frenching. When passions run high and the moment seems right, extend your tongue all the way into your partner’s mouth using a combination of darting and swirling.

When you’re invading, these techniques are bigger and bolder, but you still have to be careful not to overdo them. Otherwise, you run the risk of gagging your partner, and that’s the surest way to ruin an awesome kiss.

8. Embracing

Good Frenching doesn’t happen at a distance; there’s a lot of embracing involved. The two of you will naturally want to wrap your arms around each other, but you can also use your hands to enhance your kisses. Kissing with tongue tips also involve other body parts.

Try taking your partner’s face in your hands for a few moments while you kiss. You can caress the cheeks with your thumbs as you tilt your head first one way, and then gradually to the other. You can also cup your hand against the neck just beneath the jawline, or softly trail your fingertips across the jaw and then down to the hollow at the base of the neck.

9. Wandering

Wandering can happen at any moment while the two of you are kissing. Leave your partner’s lips and trail soft kisses from the chin and cheeks to the jawline and continue on to the nape of the neck. Dart your tongue into the hollow just beneath the earlobe and press more soft wet kisses against the pulse in the neck. You can even trail kisses along the collarbone to the shoulder and then back again as you make your way back to the mouth. Working some wandering into your French kiss tongues can make your partner feel adored, and what’s sexier than that?

How to Kiss Your Lover’s Neck by Howcast

Great French Kissing Requires Some Give and Take

You want to have some of the best kissing techniques to impress your partner, but try to keep in mind that he or she probably wants to make some moves of their own. Be ready to receive and respond to his or her advances even as you’re making a few of your own. The best hot French kisses happen when both partners relax and take turns leading each other.

Everything You Need To Know About French Kissing

French Kissing Tips You Didn’t Know You Needed

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There are other terms for it — making out, snogging, locking lips, etc. But “French kissing” is what the move is best known as. It’s “passionate, deep, amorous kissing that involves lovers touching their tongues to each other’s lips and inside their mouths,” says behavior analyst Jaqueline Moreno. “What’s known as ‘French kissing’ actually came from British and American soldiers who came home after WWII and kissed their women and girlfriends in the amorous way they saw the French kiss their women.”

French kissing is one of the most underrated forms of affection. Ironically, it’s also one of the most important. French kiss a girl the right way, and it opens doors for a second date. It can even be the catalyst to take things a step further and head back to your place. If you commit a bunch of first-kiss mistakes and do it sloppy and wrong and well… you tried, right?

RELATED: The Proper Execution Of The First Kiss

So in the name of more second dates, hookups and lovemaking everywhere, we’ve compiled a handy guide chock full of everything you need to know about French kissing — from must dos to things to stay away from, pitfalls you’ll need to navigate, and yes, how to use those lip skills to lead to more intimate acts. Even if you think you’ve mastered the art of french kissing, everyone could use a little refresher course every now and then, am I right? Here’s what the experts (and real women) want you to know about French kissing.

1. Basic French Kissing Dos and Don’ts

So, you’re going to kiss a girl and use your tongue. Obviously, this opens up doors for a lot of potentially awkward situations. To keep things less slobbery and more streamlined, here are a few do’s and don’ts to keep top of mind.

Do keep it passionate, and include your body. Remember, the whole reason you’re French kissing and not regular kissing is because you want that added spark that ignites when two people put their mouths together this way. Fetish model and adult entertainer Luna says that making sure your body is involved rather than just letting your mouth do all the work will help build that intimacy. “The most important part is what you do with your hands,” she says. “You can touch, rub and feel the other person. Place a strong hand on the back of her head and passionate kiss like you mean it.”

Don’t forget about oral hygiene. If you’re going to be kissing this way, keep in mind that your partner is about to get very up close and personal with your mouth — so it’s to both of your benefits to make sure you do your due diligence in making sure that area is good to go. “Keep good oral health,” Luna says. “Men, it is appreciated if your facial stubble and beards are not razor sharp. No one likes a stubble rash.”

Carlee Ranger

Do introduce your tongue slowly. You don’t want to take her by surprise with your tongue. Instead, you want to slip it in there seamlessly so that it just becomes part of the motion of your mouths. “Don’t dive straight in for a French kiss,” Luna recommends. “Instead, kiss around the neck and the mouth. This will make you both feel more relaxed and sensual.” When you do go in for it, use your tongue sparingly. “Don’t feel you need to extend your whole tongue,” says Luna. “Instead, use the tip of your tongue to explore the other person’s tongue. Then, focus the kiss on the tongue. Remember, you are not licking their mouth but caressing their tongue.”

Don’t slobber. When you’re doing the tongue tango, it’s almost inevitable that things can get sloppy. But dating expert and co-host of The Date/able Podcast Yue Xu says there are a few ways to help prevent it. “If you feel like you are salivating too much, close your mouth,” she says. “Then slowly peck her cheek, her ears or her neck. This will give yourself a chance to regroup. Then, go back in.” Make sure you’re staying aware of the saliva situation — if it gets too far gone, you might need to discreetly wipe your face before going back at it. The key is to make sure you stop before you get to that point.

Do keep your tongue engaged. Once you’ve successfully introduced your tongue into her mouth, make sure you keep things moving. “Actively engage your tongue,” says Xu. “Once it’s out, don’t let it stay there. Think of it as a dance of your tongues.” Make sure you’re not putting too much or too little force into the work you’re doing with your tongue, either. Ideally, you want to be matched where pressure is concerned. Usually the more delicate, the better.

Don’t hit her teeth. Nothing takes you out of the passionate kissing mood like colliding with your partner’s teeth. To prevent this, Xu says it’s important to be mindful of how much you’re opening your mouth. “Don’t open your mouth too wide,” she says. “She still wants to feel your lips. If you open too wide, she’ll only feel your tongue and your teeth. Think of it as pursing your lips; your lips are the gate to your tongue.”

What Real Women Say

“The best kind of French kiss is when it feels effortless,” says Lisa, 23. “Of course, you’re both doing work to make it feel that way. But a lot of my French kissing experience with someone new has felt like the guy just goes on autopilot — which you don’t want either. If you’re not really paying attention, that’s when the awkward stuff happens. Like, you drool on each other, or you hit into each other’s mouths too hard. I think being present in what you’re doing and not overthinking it are probably two big factors you want to keep in mind when you’re French kissing someone new.”

RELATED: 10 First Kiss Tips To Make Sure Your Nervous Lips Don’t Ruin Everything

“I once made out with a guy who did everything way too dramatically,” says Andrea, 26. “He didn’t care at all about where I was at — it was like he was just the star of his own show trying to over exaggerate some cheesy makeout scene. You don’t want to be a super weak French kisser, but you most definitely do not want to do the opposite. He tried to get me to take things further, and I was so turned off that I said I was exhausted and had to call it a night. Which was not a lie — the whole thing was exhausting!”

“Please, please please don’t attack a girl with your tongue,” says Heather, 25. “It’s shocking to me how many guys get through life not knowing the right way to French kiss a girl. Yes, you want your tongue to be involved. But you don’t want the girl to feel like her mouth is under some kind of attack here. When in doubt, the slower the better. I personally like it when a guy does the tease with his tongue — where he’ll massage mine lightly with his and then back off, and then come back at it. It’s kind of like edging, but for your mouth.”

2. The Right Time To Start French Kissing

You’re on a first date with a girl you really like, and the two of you are definitely feeling each other. You decide that at the end of the night, you’re going to go in for a kiss. But, is it too soon to get your tongue involved? Should you wait until a few more dates in? Will she feel like you’re coming in too hard and fast if you do try and French kiss her?

When it comes to what the experts say, the jury is out on this one. But here are a few things to consider when you’re figuring out the right time to start French kissing someone new.

Right away, if you both want to. “You can go on a date and want to French kiss the other immediately,” says Luna. “It makes no difference as to when. French kissing is no longer seen as exclusively foreplay to sex, nor is it seen as overly provocative. Many people French kiss at the altar when they wed, and you see lovers embrace and kiss when leaving each other at a station, and a lot of kissing in bars and clubs. A first date would warrant a kiss if you feel you want to see the other person again. Second dates get stuck in.”

But don’t assume it’s automatically on the table. “Some people might be ready for French kissing from the first date, while some might take a slower approach and need some warming up before they start swapping spit,” says Moreno. “Nothing is ever fair game right away. Be respectful, mature and upfront about your preferences. If asking if it’s okay for you to ‘take your kissing to the next level’ makes you uncomfortable, consider whether you’re emotionally mature enough to handle a relationship in the first place.”

If you’re into each other. “The way two people kiss is also the way they communicate and bond,” says Xu. “If you’re hesitant to french kiss your partner, then that means there are some barriers in your relationship, or that you two aren’t connecting on the same level.”

“If I’m on a first date that’s going really well, I would be open to French kissing the guy,” says Amber, 24. “I think you need to feel the situation out, but I do think it’s obvious when you’re on a good first date. I wouldn’t want to start French kissing him immediately though, there should be some build up. I also think it depends on where you are kissing this person, and for how long. Sometimes a goodnight kiss can turn into a French kiss. But it can be awkward if one person is just trying to give a short, quick kiss good night — and the other is going all in for a makeout sesh.”

“I get really shy on first dates,” says Candace, 22. “I have French kissed someone on a first date, but most of the time I prefer to get to know the guy a little better before we start kissing that way. Plus, I think not French kissing until a few dates in adds to the build up, and that can make the kiss even hotter once we do it.”

“I think that French kissing is a big indicator of whether or not two people have chemistry,” says Dawn, 23, “So I like to try and make it happen on the first date in order to see whether or not we have that. You can kind of feel that vibe from the beginning of the date — but I’ve also had first dates that start off well and end with me not feeling it because the kiss was awful and we just weren’t connecting that way.”

3. Advantages And Drawbacks To French Kissing

As with just about anything in life, French kissing comes with its own set of pros and cons. Here are a few of the big advantages — and some drawbacks to keep in mind while you’re going at it.

It creates intimacy. “French kissing is so intimate that it’s practically a form of having sex with your clothes on,” says relationship expert Audrey Hope. “You are speaking from your heart with a kiss, and it is a language that says, ‘I am really connecting with you and I am here with only you.’”

But there are other ways to get the job done. “A French kiss is more passionate and you share something more than a simple kiss on the lips,” says Luna. “However, kissing the neck and the ears can be just as much of a turn on, and that type of kissing is softer and involves the lips.”

It can leave the girl you’re kissing with some uhh… physical evidence of the act. “Men, be warned that ladies are not too keen on a stubble rash,” Luna says. “It can be sore and red and a dead giveaway for what you have been up to.” If you’re sporting a beard, you might want to look into using a beard conditioner in order to help prevent this. If you’re rocking stubble and planning on getting lucky later, it might be time for a fresh shave.

It’s more heightened than regular kissing. “French kissing activates more nerve endings than simple kissing, utilizing more muscles in our tongues, jaws and cheeks,” explains Moreno. “These all work to activate the sensory cortices of our brains, which release more dopamine and serotonin (pleasure and happiness neurotransmitters). This encourages pair bonding. Frenching done right biologically brings you and your partner closer.”

RELATED: Understanding The Brain Chemicals That Fuel Your Sex Life

It can get a little gross, depending on what you’re into. “The point at which someone considers French kissing ‘gross’ is subjective,” says Moreno, “making communication between you and your partner all the more important. Excessive salivary activation? Possibly gross, unless that’s okay with your partner. Maybe they hate a dry mouth? It’s all about preference and communication.”

“I think there are a few situations where you’d probably just want to regular kiss the girl you’re with vs. French kiss,” says Olivia, 26. “If you’re out in a very public place in the daylight, you should probably tone that PDA down. Same for if you’re out with your friends and definitely in front of her family. Other than that, let your Frenching freak flag fly.”

“Obviously the pros outweigh the cons,” says Alli, 27. “Who cares if you get a little sloppy? As long as you’re not doing it wrong and putting your mouth all over her face it’s all good. I’ve never heard of anyone dying from getting saliva on their face.”

4. Advanced French Kissing Techniques

You’ve mastered the basics, understand how to time it right, and are fully briefed on the advantages and drawbacks of French kissing. Ready to put a few pro moves into motion? Here are a few suggestions for next level lip locking.

Get creative. “Try drinking ice cold water, then kissing,” says Luna. “The coldness of the mouth can be really nice, and if you include your lips and kiss other areas of the body as well it can be really pleasurable. In the same way you can use flavors by sucking on a sweet beforehand or during. Take note that chewing gum is not a sexy kissing aid, though.”

Switch up the setting. A simple change of scene can do a lot for your makeout session. “Change up the environment,” Moreno recommends. “Kiss in the rain, in the shower, pull your partner toward you during a romantic crescendo in a movie. If you’ve already cleared that you’re both okay with Frenching, then spontaneity and surprise smooches are always sweet.”

RELATED: What Do Women Find Sexy? 13 Things You Can Start Doing Today That’ll Totally Impress Her

Carlee Ranger

Get your hands involved. “Your hands are the co-stars to your tongue,” says Xu. “Whatever you’re communicating with your tongue, you should do the same with your hands and vice versa. If you’re going in for a deep tongue kiss, your hands should strongly wrap around her as you pull her in. If your tongue is going in for a teaser kiss, gently caress her waistline with your fingers.”

Use a sucking motion. “Caress the neck and suck the tongue,” says Luna. “It sounds strange but your tongue is the most sensitive part of the month and sucking it can be really hot.”

“Watch the scene from Fifty Shades of Grey where he uses an ice cube,” says Anna, 24. “You don’t have to watch the whole movie, but that scene is what I think of when I think about how a guy can take French kissing up a notch. I imagine it would also work just as well with something like a strawberry — but I feel like guys are more likely to have ice cubes handy.”

“I like it when a guy changes his pace from hot and heavy to almost painfully slow while he’s French kissing me,” says Alexandra, 25. “Going from fast to slow makes me want more of the harder, heavier stuff for sure.”

5. How French Kissing Can Lead To More

French kissing is pretty much a gateway drug into more sexual acts like dry humping, oral stimulation and yes, eventually going all the way. Going down each of these routes requires your partner’s consent in the matter. But there are a few maneuvers that will likely lead you to the rest of the bases to score yourself a home run.

Move your body the right way. “A more passionate kiss requires you to involve your body and hands,” says Luna. “To get in the right position to be touching tongues you need to be close, so use your whole body and don’t be afraid to get close and touch hips, chest and so on.”

Let it lead you to the next step naturally. “French kissing always stimulates the other senses of our bodies and turns on our sexual buttons,” says Hope. “That is why it is very difficult to just stay with this stage. French kissing is a part of foreplay if you do it right (meaning, using your body and hands in conjunction). It can build up the passion to either taking it to the next level, which is usually removal of clothing or heavy petting, or it can leave you both wanting more the next time!”

Use it as foreplay. “I think kissing is all part of foreplay,” says Luna. “Mixing French kissing with small sensuous kisses will ensure your partner gets really excited.”

“I think most women would agree that French kissing usually progresses to something more,” says Lucy, 23. “But I think it’s more about where you are in your relationship with the person you’re French kissing than any sort of move that leads you there. Every couple is different, but usually once you’ve been out on a few dates and you’re alone together at one of your places, something more is bound to happen. It doesn’t always expressly mean that you two are going to bang if you’re making out alone together. I think it’s fine for the guy to feel out the situation — literally. But to also be respectful if she tells you she’s not ready for that step yet.”

“If she already knows you’re good with your mouth, she’s probably already thinking about where else on her body those talents could be of good use,” says Ashley, 24. “I really like it when a guy transitions from French kissing to kissing other parts of my body, going down it until he’s going down on me. A pit stop around my neck and my nipples are must-visit points of interest.”

All illustrations by Carlee Ranger.

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Why We Kiss (and How to Do It Right)

Source: Pressmaster/

In dating and relationships, your lips can be put to persuasive use beyond speaking and smiling. Kissing is the key to love. Kissing well, you may help find yourself with a partner for life (or at least for the evening). Failing to do so, you might not get a second chance.

The research is pretty clear: Kissing counts. It influences the course of a romantic interaction. At times, it makes or breaks potential relationships. As always, we’ll review what the research has to say and then share some tips on when and how to kiss persuasively. Keep your lip gloss handy.

Research on Osculation (aka Kissing)

One of my favorite, most detailed studies of kissing behavior was conducted in 2007 by Hughes, Harrison, and Gallup. The group surveyed a total of 1,041 undergraduate students (both male and female) on numerous aspects of kissing behavior. Here are the highlights of what they found:

Kissing Is Persuasive

  • Both men and women use kissing for mate assessment—to decide on a potential partner. Good kissers are more likely to get chosen as partners. Bad kissing, in contrast, can be a deal-breaker.
  • Good kissing leads to feelings of bonding and attachment. Sharing a kiss creates and maintains a feeling of connectedness, which is important both early in a relationship and over time.
  • Good kissing can also lead to arousal and sex. Passionate make-outs are often necessary (and effective) precursors to further intimacy.

Elements of a Good Kiss

  • Attractive kissing partners were found to have good hygiene, including fresh breath and clean teeth. Grooming had an effect overall as well.
  • Both men and women found assertiveness attractive in a kisser. Partners who committed to a kiss, rather than making out half-heartedly, were viewed as better kissers.
  • Touching, caressing, and general physical contact while kissing was also key to a successful smooch.
  • Finally, kissing with a new partner was evaluated as best when closed-mouth initially, with minimal saliva exchange (especially for women). Soft, moist lips were preferable; a drooling, tongue-down approach was not. Over time, kissing could work up to greater “passion” and “intimacy,” with increased open-mouth, tongue, and saliva exchange.

Gender Differences

  • Women: Overall, a good kiss appeared more important to women than to men. The study indicated that women use kissing to judge a date or mate more than men. They are also more likely to use kissing as a way to bond—and to look for kisses throughout a relationship. In addition, they are less likely to kiss when they feel a partner only wants sex and nothing more.
  • Men: By contrast, men were found to be somewhat less picky with their kissing partners. However, they were also found to be more passionate. Men prefer open-mouthed, tongue-included, wet kissing more than women. They also seemed to prefer that their partner makes pleasurable noises while kissing.

When and How to Kiss

Given the research, there would appear to be three main times one should kiss a partner for persuasive effect:

1. To prove yourself and test a partner

A first kiss can be anxiety-provoking—but that doesn’t mean one should put it off for too long. Remember: Assertiveness is attractive in a kisser. Besides, you want to see how your partner kisses back. One would be advised to pucker up when he or she detects some interest. (For tips on reading body language, click here).

Beyond being assertive and committed to the kiss, “good” first kisses have some standard features: The first is hygiene—brush your teeth, avoid smelly food, or use breath mints, but the smell and taste of your mouth are keys to success. Soft lips are helpful as well, so don’t skimp on the lip balm.

From there, it’s all about the mechanics: Wet your lips slightly, as nicely lubricated lips are more welcome. When you lean in to begin a (closed-mouth) kiss, be sure to touch as well. Hold your partner’s cheek, brush their hair away from their face, and embrace or cuddle as you kiss. Also, let your partner “lead” the kiss a bit. (You’re judging them and their “style” as much as they are yours.)

A first kiss isn’t the time for a heavy “make-out” session. It may be heartfelt and passionate, perhaps with a bit of playful flirting. Only kiss for a few moments (be sure to leave them wanting more), but continue to touch, cuddle, and look in your partner’s eyes afterward, too.

2. To connect and bond

Kissing can make a partner feel noticed, loved, and connected. This is especially true in long-term relationships, in which kissing can often be forgotten. When you want your partner to feel good and “like” you, remember to give them a smooch.

The mechanics of a “bonding” kiss are similar to that of the “testing” kiss (hygiene, soft lips, a loving caress, etc.). Bonding kisses can be lengthy and include a cuddly make-out session, but they can be equally persuasive if they are very short, even just a peck or a caring kiss on the forehead. In this case, it is literally the thought that counts, because this is about “bonding”—building a feeling of comfort and attachment here—and not necessarily sexual arousal. These kisses are ideal during “spontaneous” moments, as part of a larger effort to build connection and rapport (for more, see here). This type of bonding kissing is also important after sex to make sure a partner feels loved and attended to.

3. To arouse and seduce

Kissing, of course, often leads to passionate feelings and sexual activity, especially more “intimate” open-mouth, tongue-involved kisses. If you are “in the mood,” you’ll likely seek to persuade your partner’s libido with a kiss. Passionate kissing is essentially a progression of the other two types. All of the hygiene and touching rules apply. The intensity gets turned up a bit with greater assertiveness. Slowly, the touching and embracing get a bit more intense, as open mouths and tongues get involved.

Arousal kissing also lasts longer; we escalate the intensity when we feel our partner reciprocate. As they become more assertive, we may proceed to kissing other areas (like the neck) and to foreplay. If they slow it down, we may go back to another type of kissing until they are on the same page. (For more on reading a partner’s sexual motivation, click here.)


In the search for love, sex, and relationships, kissing is a powerful tool. Use it to assess your partner, prove your worth, bond, and turn them on. Just make sure to brush your teeth, moisten your lips—and be assertive.

Previous Articles from The Attraction Doctor

  • “Being Beautiful or Handsome is Easier Than You Think!”
  • “How to Get a Man or Woman Attracted with Color”
  • “Reading Basic Body Language for Dating and Persuasion Success”

Why is kissing so fun?: The science behind locking lips

Scientists in the Netherlands have reported that we share about 80m bacteria during a passionate ten-second kiss; a finding that makes puckering up seem cringe-worthy – and downright unsanitary at the start of cold and flu season.

But take heart: we’re more likely to get sick by shaking hands throughout the day than through kissing. And the science behind this behaviour reveals that along with all of those germs, we share plenty of benefits with a partner as well.

Kissing is not all about bacterial exchange or romance. Our first experiences with love and security usually involve lip pressure and stimulation through behaviours that mimic kissing, like nursing or bottle feeding. These early events lay down important neural pathways in a baby’s brain that associate kissing with positive emotions that continue to be important in throughout his life.

Our lips are the body’s most exposed erogenous zone. Unlike in other animals, human lips are uniquely everted, meaning they purse outwardly. They are packed with sensitive nerve endings so even the slightest brush sends a cascade of information to our brains, which can feel very good.

Kissing activates a very large part of the brain associated with sensory information because we’re at work making sense of the experience in order to decide what to do next. Kisses work their magic by setting off a whirlwind of neurotransmitters and hormones through our bodies that influence how we think and feel.

Kissing codes

If there’s real “chemistry” between two people, a kiss can set the stage for a new romance. A passionate kiss puts two people in very close proximity – nose to nose. We learn about each other by engaging our sense of smell, our taste buds and sense of touch. And through that information all sorts of signals are being sent to our brain informing us about the other person. In fact, the scent of man can provide subconscious clues about his DNA to his partner.

Evolutionary psychologists at the State University of New York at Albany found that 59% of men and 66% of women say they have ended a budding relationship because a kiss didn’t go well. It’s nature’s ultimate litmus test, nudging us to be most attracted to the people that may be the best genetic partners.

Research by Swiss biologist Claus Wedekind found that women are most attracted to the scents of men who carry a different genetic code for their immune system in a region of DNA known as the major histocompatibility complex or MHC.

Scientists suspect that when a couple who carry distinctly different genetics for fighting disease, their children are likely to benefit by having a strong immune system. We may not exactly be thinking about parenthood when we connect with someone at the lips, but kissing provides clues to help us decide whether to take a relationship further. (However, it’s important to add that women who take the birth control pill show the opposite preference toward men with MHC genetics most like their own. This suggests that when we are on contraceptives, we may be fooling our bodies in more ways than we realise.)

Getting hot under the collar

Aside from helping us find a great match, kissing has other perks as well. It sets off a cascade of neural impulses that bounce between the brain and the tongue, lips, facial muscles, and skin. Billions of little nerve connections distribute information around the body, producing chemical signals that change the way we feel.

A passionate kiss can spike the neurotransmitter dopamine, which is linked to feelings of craving and desire. Oxytocin, known as the “love hormone,” fosters a sense of closeness and attachment. Adrenaline boosts our heart rate and can make us start sweating as our bodies begin to anticipate what might occur later. Cortisol, known as the stress hormone, also dips to reduce uneasiness. Blood vessels dilate, breathing can deepen, cheeks flush and our pulse quickens.

Kissing fosters the sensations we often describe when we are falling in love. In this way, a kiss can herald in a new romantic relationship. It can also solidify the strong bonds we share with family members and friends. Kisses come in many varieties and are inherently tied to the most meaningful and significant moments of our lives by providing a means to communicate beyond what words can convey.

Science has barely begun to study kissing, despite its obvious evolutionary and personal significance, but what we already know demonstrates that there’s a lot more to going on than meets the eyes – and lips.

Sheril Kirshenbaum, Director of the Energy Poll , University of Texas at Austin

This article was originally published on The Conversation. Read the original article.

The Independent’s Millennial Love group is the best place to discuss to the highs and lows of modern dating and relationships. Join the conversation here.​

Beatrice Lessi

A passionate kiss puts two people in very close proximity – nose to nose. We learn about each other by engaging our sense of smell, our taste buds and sense of touch. And through that information all sort of signals are being sent to our brain informing us about the other person. In fact, the scent of man can provide subconscious clues about his DNA to his partner. We may not exactly be thinking about parenthood when kissing a new partner passionately, but kissing provides clues to help us decide whether to take a relationship further or not.

So while we are having the fun of our lives, our brains and body analyses an awful lot of very useful information. Forget about the man’s status, looks or ability to make us laugh: that’s all secondary now. Research by Swiss biologist Claus Wedekind found that women are most attracted to the scents of men who carry a different genetic code for their immune system in a region of DNA known as the major histocompatibility complex, or MHC. Science suspects that when a couple carry distinctly different genetics for fighting disease, their children are likely to have a strong immune system.

Miranda Kerr blowing a kiss during the Victoria’s Secret show. Photo:

Other Smart Reasons

Science has just started studying kissing. Why is kissing so much fun? Because it surveys parenthood compatibility, and much more.

The Kiss, by Austrian painter Gustav Klimt. Photo:

One hypothesis claims that kissing is a means of seduction and sexual stimulation. Women’s lips, it is difficult to deny, resemble the labia. The practice of women around the world of coloring their lips red- a color linked to sexual arousal- suggests the role the lips play in seduction. Research has suggested that men prefer wetter kisses, with more involvement of the tongue than do women. The tongue, it is difficult to deny, is a phallic organ. The combination of a moist open mouth and a penetrating tongue simulate intercourse quite distinctly, and give easy rise to sexual imagining and, perhaps, sexual excitement. In addition, some researchers speculate that the male preference for wet kisses is related to
the fact that male saliva contains testosterone, a hormone linked to sexual arousal in both genders. A wet kiss may deposit testosterone into the woman’s mouth, thereby acting to increase her sexual arousal.

Candice Swanepoel kisses her boyfriend, Hermann Niccoli. Photo:

An additional line of thinking has focused on the kiss functions primarily on the level of psychology, as a way to express and reinforce feelings of trust, closeness, and intimacy with another. Just like the clicking of wine glasses allows us to bring hearing into the sensory experience of drinking (which already involves all the other senses), so the kiss allows us to invite the senses of taste and smell to partake in the celebration of intimacy and make the event deeper and more complete. In addition, when we kiss someone, we bring that person into our vulnerable personal space and agree to take the risk of catching an infection or disease. A kiss is therefore an implicit expression of openness and trust.

The evolutionary anthropologist Helen Fisher of Rutgers University in New Jersey has proposed another theory. According to Fisher, the kiss plays a role in the each of the three phases of our evolved reproductive strategy: first, the kiss helps inspire and direct the libido, which causes us to desire sex with multiple partners. Later, the kiss works to stoke the fires of romantic love, the deep infatuation that motivates us to choose one of many partners. Finally, the kiss helps us sustain and reinforce the ongoing attachment bonds, which allow us to endure together long enough to raise our children (our gene carriers) into sexual maturity.

A couple kissing passionately. Photo:


In conclusion, kissing appears to have two main uses: in short-term relationship, the kiss is more sexual, and serves as a tool for selecting and seducing suitable sexual partners; in long-term relationships, the kiss is an expression of psychological closeness, and a means of preserving and enhancing feelings of intimacy in the relationship.

Kisses are a better fate than wisdom”, wrote the poet E. E. Cummings.

So perhaps you’d be wise to turn off your computer right about now and go find someone to kiss…

(This article is based on two articles: All about kissing – why is it so much fun?, that originally appeared in Guardian Weekly and incorporated material from the Washington Post ; and from What’s in a Kiss, published on Psychology Today)

What’s in a kiss? 12 *fun* facts about kissing

1. A Thai couple holds the absolute world kissing record. The two locked lips for all of 58 hours, 35 minutes and 58 seconds – even when eating, drinking and using the bathroom.

2. A normal kiss burns 6.4 calories per minute. That means the record breaking Thai smoochers would have burned 24,198.4 calories. A passionate kiss can burn up to 20 calories per minute.

3. Today, an average kiss lasts more than 12 seconds. In the 1980s, couples came up for air sooner than that: back then an average kiss lasted a mere 5.5 seconds.

4. Public kissing isn’t always allowed everywhere. It’s forbidden to kiss women in public on a Sunday in Michigan and Connecticut – these US states take the Day of the Lord quite seriously. In the subway in Turkey’s capital Ankara, passengers are expected to adhere to “moral rules.” A kissing Turkish couple spied on by security cameras was officially warned.

5. With an average of four kisses per person and day, Germany ranks second behind Sweden on the list of countries that are stingy kissers. People in France and Italy do much better: they kiss an average of seven times per day.

Germans don’t kiss very much, but the World Cup in 2014 got these two excited

6. Researchers study kissing in a field of science called philematology. They’ve discovered two out of three people tilt their heads to the right when kissing.

7. Doctors are totally enthusiastic about kissing because it strengthens our immune system and slows down the ageing process. Just thinking about a kiss increases the flow of saliva, which in turn loosens plaque.

8. Smooching is great for road safety, too. Researchers found that people who hit the road freshly kissed are much less aggressive. They say that results in fewer accidents. But kissing while driving is not a good idea – please keep an eye on traffic!

9. People kiss in 90 percent of the countries worldwide. How and why differs from one country to the next. Three cheek kisses are a standard welcome in France, while in Japan, people only kiss if both parties want sex.

10. As affectionate gestures go, kissing is not just a social behavior we’ve developed over the centuries – it’s an instinct we can observe in orangutans and other primates as well. Geese express affection by touching beaks, and elephants put their trunks into each others’ mouths.

11. Kissing stimulates more than 100 billion nerve cells, while happiness hormones and adrenaline course through our bodies, letting our hearts beat faster. Blood pressure and body temperature rise, too.

12. A great deal of swapping goes on in a kiss: 60 milligrams of water, 0.5 milligrams of protein, 0.15 milligrams of gland secretion, 0.4 milligrams of salt and up to 22,000 bacteria.

A kiss is just a kiss — except for when it’s a major bacteria conduit.

A new study published in Microbiome takes a look at what happens when we kiss intimately, and finds that 10 seconds of passion can result in the transfer of up to 80 million bacteria. Dutch researchers examined 21 couples who outlined their kissing behavior via a questionnaire; the participants were then swabbed and analyzed, and the researchers found that couples who reported sharing no less than nine intimate kisses daily (meaning there was both full tongue contact and saliva exchange) had a “shared salivary microbiota.”

Then came the experiment designed to quantify the bacteria flow: One half of each of the couples drank a probiotic yogurt drink containing known varieties of bacteria that aren’t typically found in the mouth, notes Time. An intimate 10-second kiss followed, and the researchers then analyzed the effect of the receiver’s saliva: the amount of probiotic bacteria jumped threefold, a press release explains, and the researchers crunched the data and came up with the 80 million figure.

As one researcher puts it, “kissing is very healthy,” in that the more bacteria we’re exposed to, the stronger our resistance can potentially become.

A fascinating side note: Most couples reported very different kissing tallies, with 74 percent of men reporting more smooches than their female partners did, at an average of 10 French kisses a day, compared to women’s five. And in one case, a man reported an average of 50 intimate kisses a day, to his partner’s eight; as such, their numbers were excluded from some of the calculations.

(Another study dug into why kissing matters.)

According to an article in The Huffington Post, married couples seeking help to improve the intimacy in their relationship have long forgotten what a passionate kiss is like and do not French kiss anymore. These couples, for whom the aim of having sex is to experience the climax and not to enjoy intimacy, rarely indulge in pleasure kissing, that too during intercourse. The article stated that when compared to intercourse, pleasure kissing is more intimate.

But why is French kissing such an advantage? Also known as snogging, making out, locking lips, etc., it is a passionate, deep, amorous kiss, in which couples use their tongues to touch each other’s lips or tongue. The reason it is special is that touching the partner’s tongue, lips and mouth, which are the principal erogenous zones of the body, with your tongue induces physiological sexual arousal, which most situations, leads to sex. Both men and women have accepted that the French kiss is their favorite type of kiss.

According to experts at Men’s Health Digest, new couple and teenage couples are more likely to indulge in French kissing, and using male enhancement pills like EnhanceRX can help spice up things further. To the answer of the question of does it work, the experts stated that these 100% natural penis enhancement pills that help with firmer, stronger and longer-lasting erections, along with benefits of increased sex drive, improved sexual confidence, and longer lovemaking.

Benefits of French Kissing

According to a study published in Real Food for Life, when a couple French kisses, in a mere 10 seconds, they can spread 80 million beneficial bacteria between the mouths, which are good for the body, unlike a prudent kiss that only transfers 1,000 bacteria. Doesn’t sound too appetizing, does it?

Although many might would want to avoid French kissing just thinking of those millions of bacteria transferred in a single kiss, the act is a form of immunization and builds resistance through exposure to different microorganisms. If you think of it this way, you’ll never find anything healthier than kissing!

This finding was based on research conducted on 21 couples in the Netherlands, during which their saliva was collected before they began French kissing and after they had done so for 10 seconds.

Master the Art of French Kissing

The way you kiss a woman can improve your chances of having a second date with her! When done perfectly, the French kiss becomes a catalyst for love making, which you can also excel at with the use of EnhanceRx male enhancement pills.

Before you even begin kissing, make sure your lips are fully moisturized, you have kept good oral hygiene and you have drunk enough water. When you begin, do not start directly with the kiss, instead indulge in a little foreplay by kissing the neck, face and then mouth, to make them feel more sensual and relaxed, and then move to the French kiss. Stay aware if you are salivating too much, to avoid your kiss being too sloppy.

Do not let only your mouth do the work to build the intimacy, use your body as well. When you are kissing your partner, caress their body with your hands. But make sure your tongues are kept engaged all this time. Lastly, the key of being best at French kiss is to do it effortlessly, which increases the chances of a couple ending up with effortless sex too.

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Special, Partner’s Content.

— — intro: There is perhaps nothing more romantic that a French kiss. Apparently there is also nothing more disgustingly filthy.

A new Dutch study published in the journal Microbiome found that swapping spit for about 10-seconds transfers up to 80 million bacteria between lovers. The shorter partner in the smooch may take on even more germs because, as the researchers helpfully noted, saliva travels downward.

The longer a couple stays together the more similar the microbes in their mouth become, the study found. And the more than 700 different species of bacteria that live and breed in the mouth are mostly healthy and beneficial.

However, if “sharing salivary microbiota” doesn’t sound like much of a turn on, consider these other ways of showing affection, along with their level of germiness.

quicklist: 1 category: Kiss Versus Handshake: Which Is Germier? title: Regular Kiss url: text: The Dutch study also revealed that couples only exchange about 1,000 germs in a straightforward lip lock. That’s fewer than found in a handshake. But a 2009 study found that during a chaste kiss, partners can transfer cytomegalovirus, a normally harmless pathogen that in rare cases leads to deafness or birth defects in unborn babies. The longer a couple stayed together, the less dangerous mouth-to-mouth viral transmission became, the study showed. media: 27028671

quicklist: 2 category: Kiss Versus Handshake: Which Is Germier? title: Handshake url: text: Taking the mouth out of the equation does not rid personal contact of microorganisms. One small West Virginia University investigation published earlier this year found that handshakes can transport up to 124 million colony-forming units of e. coli bacteria — and that’s assuming clean hands. More bacteria changed hands with a firmer grip and longer squeeze. media: 27028774

quicklist: 3 category: Kiss Versus Handshake: Which Is Germier? title: High Five url: text: High fives transfer just a quarter of the germs of a handshake, the West Virginia researchers reported. Longer duration high fives don’t seem to increase germ transfer but a good smack that covers a lot of the hand’s surface area might. media: 27028721

quicklist: 4 category: Kiss Versus Handshake: Which Is Germier? title: Fist Bump url: text: While perhaps the least sexy of the personal encounter studied, fist bumps also seem to be the best way to avoid cold and flu, according to the West Virginia study. Knocking knuckles measured 20 times less germy than a handshake. media: 27028886

Making out and feeling up

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