The Wife and The Dominatrix

I remember reading a joke once that said the secret to a man’s happiness is to find a woman who cooks, a woman who’s fun, a woman who listens, and a woman who is great in bed. And for these 4 women to never meet each other.

For my own needs, I have known for a long time that I need:

  • A loving wife who will care for me, share everything, her hopes, dreams, and love with me, that we can have passionate, intimate sex, and …

  • A cruel, evil woman who will degrade and humiliate me, dominate me, pretty much play the archtypical role of a dominatrix

Now, I always thought the right thing to do would be to approach my wife with all of my needs (that’s what marriage is about, after all). Prior to marriage, I had visited Pro-Dommes, and although they would fulfill the latter need, of course the former need went unmet.

I had always wondered how a man could be married and still patron a Pro-Domme. I always figured it was because his wife was unwilling or unable to fulfill that role.

Now I’m starting to understand, maybe his relationship with his wife is just fine, and he doesn’t want to do anything to change that. Because I think that as hard as it is for a wife to “degrade the man she loves”, the flipside of that is true, it is also hard for her to “love the man she degrades”.

As I’ve allowed (encouraged) my wife to treat me worse over the years, she’s of course dried up the stream of sex. She never had that high of a sex drive, and I should have seen that coming … as anyone who has ever visited a Pro-Domme knows, no sex is allowed, touching and kissing is forbidden as well. I made the most of that (as mentioned in an earlier post), even fetishized the fact that she would completely deny me sex or even touching/kissing, but I started to realize my first need (loving, compassionate wife and intimate sex) was going unmet.

It’s ironic, it’s easy enough to find a Dominatrix who will beat and piss all over you, but she won’t let you kiss her or stroke her hair.

We’ve been talking a lot about our relationship, and I’ve been encouraging her to drop our role-playing and power dynamic that has developed over the past decade. It really is hard when your relationship has evolved that way over so many years.

She’s grown accustomed to brushing my hand away (or shoving it away firmly) when I touch her and we’re working on that.

I’ve just come to realize how much it is to ask someone to try and fulfill both the roles of a loving wife and cruel Domintrix, I see now why married men with submissive needs go to Pro-Dommes, and I’m just trying to get our sex life back to some sort of normalcy. The lesson I’ve learned is be careful what you wish for, and maybe trying to get your wife (or SO) to be all things, might not be possible.

Should I Practice BDSM to keep my Long Term Relationship Alive?

I can already hear the mashing of teeth and the howls of disapproval when people read this article: “What? I’m supposed to whip my partner or let them whip me so that we can feel more intimate with each other?” Well Yea! Got a problem with that?

Intimacy in Marriage and All Long Term Relationships Is Hard

BDSM is an acronym that stands for Bondage & Discipline / Domination & Submission / Sadism & Masochism. That’s quite a mouthful but the variety within this topic can stretch from very tame BDSM to some serious heavy BDSM that only a few serious practitioners get involved in. The gay community has led the way in using BDSM for intimacy but the straight community is catching up fast, especially since people started reading Fifty Shades of Grey.

The internet loves to show shocking controversial images and I think that may give people not familiar with BDSM the idea BDSM is always some violent painful act. It doesn’t have to be.

Just to be clear I’m not advocating that all of you run out right now and buy whips and ropes in order to save your relationship. Whether any couple decides to explore the BDSM world or not, understanding the psychology behind it and why two people who love each other would want to journey into this realm can help any relationship.

BDSM Safety
Let me remind you of the safety protocols for sane BDSM:

  • BDSM is practiced by two or more consenting adults
  • All adults have educated themselves appropriately in the topic of BDSM
  • Standard communication protocols that create safety and are understood and agreed to by all parties
  • Safe sexual practices to prevent the spread of STDs is always employed

BDSM As An Act of Love

BDSM can either be a disconnected act between two strangers or it can be a road map to a more intimate connection between two people. In order for a loving couple to practice BDSM with loving intimacy, the sub must be willing to open up all of his body, mind and soul to the DOM; hiding nothing and dropping all defenses. The DOM needs to understand the sub so well that he can create a scene that will actually allow the sub to feel safe enough to give himself over.

In order for the sub to be that vulnerable, the DOM must do everything in his power to create a sense of trust and safety with his sub or he won’t get what he wants; the complete control of his sub. The DOM’s role is not an easy one. There is a lot of responsibility and a lot of effort put into dominating and controlling a partner in just the right way in order to create the chemistry that both of them are looking for.

This requires the DOM to also be open and honest with the sub; not deceiving, manipulative or hiding his own emotions from the sub. The DOM has to build a bond of trust and honesty so strong with the sub that the sub will be willing to open up all of his body, mind and soul to the DOM. With no defenses activated between the two people there are no barriers to that ultimate and some say spiritual meeting of the souls.

The sub lets go of any fear in his ego-mind that blocks love and intimacy from flowing freely. That deeper connection the two experience is very intimate and if the DOM can meet him in that place giving his own body, mind and soul to the experience, whats more intimate then that?

Healthy loving intimacy = vulnerability

When two people drop all of their ego-needs and really connect on that heart level the experience is like nothing else in the realm of human experience. This can be an empowering experience for both people. It can be a recipe for intimacy: intimacy equals vulnerability. Vulnerability is experienced when two people drop all of their defenses and open completely to each others. This requires a lot of trust in each other. The sub trusts the DOM to not hurt him, the DOM trust the sub to not reject him. The dialog, often unspoken is complete and without restriction.

Full Time BDSM?

In some BDSM relationships the role of DOM and sub are only played out in the act of sex and love-making. Some couples find that a more complete BDSM lifestyle works for them. In the more complete BDSM lifestyle the roles of control, domination and submission extend beyond the bedroom into other aspects of their lives together. This is a personal choice between the partners. They get to build a working relationship together. The important thing is that both people are knowledgeable and nobody is being manipulated by the other.

Don’t get me wrong, BDSM is not the only way to accomplish this meeting of the souls. It is one of many ways to your joint souls. If you are looking for ways to spice up your long term relationship and help keep it alive then BDSM is a worthy consideration.

What are some of the ways you’ve found to keep your long term relationship alive and healthy? Feel free to leave a message below and I’ll respond.

Are you ready to start making positive change today?

If so, here’s what to do next:

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  2. Email me, call me at 303-500-0926 for your FREE 10 minute phone consultation to find out how I can help you.
  3. If you’re ready to book an appointment, now.

How To Use BDSM To Improve Intimacy in Marriage by Larry Cappel,

Since the rise of Fifty Shades of Grey, BDSM has become far more common. From bondage fashion to kinky how-to classes, the once-hidden sexual interest is now more mainstream. But that doesn’t mean that being a submissive is easy. For some women, coming to terms with a submissive identity can run up against ideals of feminism; for others it can affect their entire way of loving and relating.

In this week’s installment of our interview series Love, Actually, exploring the reality of women’s sex lives, Rose (a pseudonym), 40, shares what it’s like to reveal to her husband of seven years that she wants him to be the dominant half of a BDSM relationship.

When I was 19, I became involved in my very first sexual relationship. The man I fell in love with had a very dominant personality, in a way that made me feel cared for, loved, and safe. He was extremely tall and had very broad shoulders and enormous hands that made my own feel dainty and sweet in comparison. He would walk into a room and give me a stern look that would make my insides clench and turn my knees into Jell-O. I knew that quiet look meant that he was going to take me very intensely, and I would instantly become wet. He delayed my orgasms until I would almost weep, and make me wait until I had his permission to let go. When I did, I would oftentimes feel like I was floating high above us, my limbs numb and tingling to the point of nearly fainting.

I adored pleasing him, and longed to, constantly. It made me feel so loved and so alive. He was playful with candle wax and would tie me up with beautiful silky scarves, but he never brought anything “weapon-like” into the picture. No whips or chains, nothing that fit what I believed at that time to be the cornerstone of a BDSM relationship. Whatever this was, I loved it. He had such power over me, and he could control my mind and body with a single look. I couldn’t get enough of him.

When he ended our relationship after a few years, I was absolutely devastated. I could barely function. My entire life revolved around pleasing him. Once I was no longer in his life that way, I became very depressed and retreated into the world of the Internet, starting a few online relationships with men I never met in person. I would spend hours on the phone with them, while they would tell me what they needed me to do to myself in order to please them. Even though I had never been with any of them in person, I was completely under their loving albeit long-distance control. But I still didn’t realize that this made me a sub.

Then I found a boyfriend who seemed very dominant. I was extremely aroused by his quiet but intense presence. But I soon came to realize that he was not the loving dom I longed for. He enjoyed abusing me. The pain he inflicted on me was not consensual. He would fly into rages; what pleased him one day angered him the next. The rules made no sense. I was constantly on the verge of being punished, and I rarely understood why. I felt lost and scared. I could not orgasm when we were together. I faked it for years, and was able to orgasm only alone in private.

Eventually things got more dangerous for me. I left for a women’s shelter and had to go to counseling. While in therapy there, I admitted my desires to find somebody who was dominant. I was told that this meant I was addicted to being controlled, and that maybe this was something stemming from my childhood. I was told that it made me a target for abusers, and that in order for me to heal, I would have to get over this need. So I put extra hours into my therapy and decided it was in my best interest to leave this urge for male domination far behind.

Then I met my now husband. I told him about the abusive relationship I had had, and he was very sweet and kind. Sex with him was not exciting, but I assumed that it was because I was still healing from my previous relationship. I didn’t realize yet that it was because he was the opposite of dominant. I figured once I was more healed from my previous abusive relationship, the lust and passion would return. As time went on, it still didn’t really happen. I assumed something was going on with my hormones. Maybe it was due to aging? I didn’t know. If my wonderful husband initiated sex, I would allow it, fake an orgasm to please him, and then roll over and go to sleep.

Then Fifty Shades of Grey came out. Every time I found myself around a copy of it, my heart would pound in my chest. I felt like reading it and running from it all at the same time. I hid from the books for a long while. Then eventually, well over a year after the hype began, I finally succumbed and listened to the book on audio.

Something terrifyingly magical happened to me as I began to listen. My chest felt very heavy, as if somebody was sitting on top of me. I was walking around in a daze, constantly flushed and woozy. The scenes involving tenderness got to me the most. I began having wet dreams at night; I would literally orgasm myself awake. I very quickly became extremely addicted to books about domination and submission.

After a few months, I had an epiphany. It dawned on me that all the relationships that had really aroused me sexually, whether in person, or over the Internet or phone, came from men who had the same magical ability to make me long to submit. Even if I have no desire to go to a dungeon and act out a scene in public with my dom, that does not mean I am not a sub. What makes a sub is not those things; it’s the desire to please. To be controlled. To surrender power to somebody else for my own pleasure—and I’ve always been that way.

A part of me felt like I was finally at peace. And another part of me felt selfish, guilty, and terrified. Once I knew for sure, I did not tell my husband right away. I was afraid that he would think there was something really wrong with me. I was also nervous about explaining to him that other relationships I had in my past were more satisfying to me sexually. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings or insult his manhood.

Finally, I blurted out that I needed to tell him something about myself. I told him about the fantasies I have whenever I masturbate, the types of men I fantasize about, and the things they do and say. Then I said it: “I have finally figured out that I am a sexual submissive. And I need a dominant. I want that dominant to be you. The way that we do things now? It’s not working for me. I want it to, but it isn’t. I’ve been faking my orgasms with you for years now. I’m so sorry for not being honest with you, but maybe we can fix it? I want to try. Do you want to try?”

I was shocked and elated when, after a long pause, he simply said, “Yes. Okay. Of course. We have to try.” We hugged and I felt a mixture of tremendous relief and tremendous guilt.

The part that’s rough right now is that he is trying to be more dominant, but doesn’t really know how. And I don’t see him as dominant, so when he tries, it makes me giggle and then profusely apologize for getting the giggles. I really do have to rewire my brain to see him in a whole new light. He doesn’t quite understand the dynamic I’m longing for yet. It’s not coming out the way I need it to. He suddenly has started yelling a lot during our intimate moments, calling me a whore, and being very grabby. But what turns me on is a man who has a quiet intensity, who growls commands to me softly in my ear. I have this feeling that he is envisioning stereotypes that aren’t necessarily true.

I really want to see him as my dom some day. I don’t yet. I’m used to seeing him as sweet and kind and fun, but not really deliciously intense and sensual. I have to reprogram my brain and I’m sure he does, too. He asked me if he should buy me a collar or something. I said not yet. So we’re going to work to see each other in that new light so that maybe one day he can learn how to become my dom, and I will want to accept him as such.

This interview has been edited and condensed.

Do you have a fascinating sex life you want to share with ELLE? Email [email protected]

Rachel Kramer Bussel Rachel Kramer Bussel (rachelkramerbussel.com) writes about sex, dating, books and pop culture.

7 Safe Ways To Explore BDSM Without Hurting Your Marriage

Make him your equal in the streets and your master in the sheets.

Have you fantasized about experimenting with domination in the bedroom? (It’s OK, you can admit it.) Perhaps you’ve only recently felt curious about the wonders of bondage and spanking after the Fifty Shades hype.

Either way, I’m here to tell you that you’re not the only one.

YourTango’s recent Happy, Healthy Sex In Marriage Survey asked their network of sex, love and relationship experts to divulge what sex trends married couples are most curious about trying. Topping the list: “BDSM and bondage sex.”

Kinky sex can unlock new worlds of erotic adventure, adding much-needed novelty and excitement to long-term relationships. But how does playing with power in the bedroom affect your entire relationship? Does getting kinky between the sheets mean giving up control in other areas of life?

Kinky sex is like an extreme sport. It can deliver thrilling highs and life changing adventures, but it also poses real risks. Playing with power in the bedroom can either strengthen your marriage or, conversely, destroy it.

So if you’re fantasizing about BDSM and feel ready introduce bondage sex into your marriage and to start exploring the kinkier side of sex, here is your essential guide to keeping your marriage intact while getting wild in the bedroom:

1. Begin with kinky conversations.

Before you start your sexual explorations, make sure you’re speaking the same language as a couple about what that exploration entails. Do a little research, read some books, listen to podcasts and converse about a range of sexual topics. Getting comfortable talking about sex is the first step to mastering new erotic skills.

Talk about how you feelings about kinky sex, bondage, and erotic domination. What turns you on? What scares you? These early conversations reveal a lot, allowing you to build intimacy and trust before you begin.

2. Balance the power in your relationship.

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Sixty-two percent of YourTango experts surveyed said that “a healthy sexual relationship can never truly exist when one partner has power, control or dominance over the other partner.” And of those experts who disagreed and believe it is possible to enjoy BDSM and maintain a healthy relationship, nearly all from that category made a specific point of mentioning “consent” as vital; otherwise, there’s a real possibility of power imbalance erupting in the relationship — one that is not at all healthy.

To prevent this, make sure you feel like true equal partners outside the bedroom. Get clear about your finances, household chores, childcare and other areas where power imbalance might exist. Check in to make sure neither of you harbor any resentment about your life together. You don’t want these issues coming up as you explore consensual power play in the bedroom!

3. Don’t blur boundaries.

There is one essential rule about BDSM that you must maintain: the erotic power exchange is temporary. In other words, when you play with power in the bedroom, that power exchange begins and ends there.

You may love getting a great spanking within the erotic context, but that doesn’t give your husband permission to slap your butt whenever he wants. You may get off on being called nasty names in bed, but you’d never imagine being called those same names in day-to-day life.

No matter how kinky you get in bed, maintain a balanced partnership in the larger context of your relationship — one built on mutual respect and love.

4. Get specific about what you want.

Tenor

If you crave truly fulfilling, kinky sex with your spouse, you must understand what each of you desires from one another. “I want my husband to dominate me” is not specific enough and, in this terrain, being vague is a recipe for disaster.

Do you want him to exhibit rough behavior and call you nasty names? Or do you want him to ravish you while praising your beauty? Do you desire humiliation, or just being overpowered? And do you like being physically overpowered, but not physically hurt or harmed?

The point is, your context of “rough” is likely different from your partner’s, so speak honestly and specific about what you want. The details make all the difference, so get clear before you start experimenting.

5. Take baby steps.

BDSM does not have to ever involve pain if you don’t want it to and you don’t have to go all the way, all at once. We recommend taking baby steps as you explore kinky sex to reduce risk and give you the chance to figure out what works best for you.

Into bondage? Start with simple wrist cuffs added into the sex you already love and enjoy. Want to experience intense sensation? Get started with erotic spanking, and leave the whips for more advanced play.

6. “Switch” it up.

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In the BDSM world, a “switch” is someone who enjoys both domination and submission. Even if one of you is more inclined to one role or the other, it’s important to explore switching it up once in a blue moon.

Experiencing kink from both sides of the power equation is the only way to fully understand it. It can also be very hot to find your inner domme and have your significant other begging at your feet!

7. Get trained.

Athletes don’t jump into extreme sports without thorough training in the fundamental skills. Don’t make the mistake of exploring kinky sex without learning the basics. Far from clinical, learning the skills of kinky bondage sex is a great adventure to embark upon with your lover, and gives you the confidence to freely explore while minimizing risk.

Remember, playing with power in the bedroom can really be thrilling and just what you need to keep your sex life exciting over the years. But it can also create marital meltdowns if you go too far too quickly, or if you let the power play bleed into your relationship. So go slowly and keep the domination in the bedroom and you may find that kinky bondage sex is just what you need in your sex life.

If you are ready to explore and want free resources to get you started safely, come over to PleasureMechanics.com and begin your erotic adventure today!

How to Ask Your Partner to Be Your Dominant

After months of reading, investigating, thinking and stalking the Internet, you’re positive you’re a submissive. When you look at your partner, you believe they could be your Dominant. You need them to be your Dominant. But how do you talk to them about it? What if they refuse? What if they agree?

I’m at a disadvantage when it comes to a very common topic among many submissives, especially married women. I discovered BDSM when I was single, post-divorce. Once I realized what I wanted and needed, I only pursued relationships with men who knew they were Dominants. I never had to have the hard conversations that occur when you want to take your vanilla relationship to a kinky level.

It’s something that seems so common. I know that people struggle with it every day. I turned to a few submissive friends of mine who all came to a point in their relationships when they were ready to be a submissive to their spouse. Not every relationship had a perfect or easy transition, and D/s isn’t an automatic fix – as one of my friends knows all too well. Yet, if they can do it, so can you.

Meet My Submissive Friends

Mynx, also known as His Sir’s Mynx, has been married for 22 years and became her husband’s submissive two and a half years ago. She’s a blogger and makes beautiful, and subtle, collars.

Little BoPeep (affectionately known as Peep) was married for 27 years and entered into a D/s dynamic with her husband in the last few years of marriage. They are now separated.

Caitlyn is the blogger also known as LSAM or Love, Sex, and Marriage. The blog came before the D/s relationship. She and her husband have been married for 10 years, and in the D/s life for three and a half.

Desiring Discipline (DD, for short) combines her need for BDSM and kink with her Christian beliefs to find the balance and strength to have a happy marriage. She and her husband have been married for 23 years, and have been a D/s couple for three years.

Notice something about all of them? They’ve been married for years, and it’s only recently that they’ve discussed and transitioned to a D/s dynamic in their relationship. Some credit “50 Shades of Grey” for helping them. Others admit they’ve been kinky most of their lives, even though they never told their partners.

Having the Conversation – What You Think They’ll Say Vs. Reality

Tell me if this sounds familiar?

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“I worried he’d think I was strange,” Mynx told me.

“I expected laughter and disbelief. I figured he’d think I was crazy,” DD said.

Maybe you’re hoping that your partner is a mind reader, like Caitlyn. “I hoped he’d read my mind. I hinted and ‘acted’ submissive in hopes it would develop without me having to say much.”

If you’re thinking about telling your partner you’re a submissive, your fears and worries are completely normal. Maybe, like Caitlyn, you hope that you will never actually have to say something. At a certain point, though, if this is what you really want and need, you’re going to have to speak up. You may be surprised at the reactions you get.

“He was excited and began researching the lifestyle almost immediately,” Mynx said.

“It was a rough transition during a hectic time in our marriage. I think it saved our marriage, though. Ultimately, he was excited and turned on, but also a little upset that maybe he hadn’t been able to satisfy me prior to this,” Caitlyn said.

And did DD’s husband react the way she expected? A little. He laughed and was in disbelief, as well as a little uncomfortable, but he was also willing to listen. Which, at the end of the day, is all you really need.

This is not a magic fix for your relationship though.

“I thought he’d be thrilled when I mentioned it, and I think he was relieved, but ultimately, it still couldn’t fix or save our marriage,” Peep said.

BDSM isn’t a magic pill, but it’s still important to be true to yourself and communicate your needs with your partner.

How to Approach Your Partner

The steps I use to talk to my partner about adding new kinks or adjusting our dynamic aren’t that much different than what you should consider when you talk to your partner.

  • Let them know you need to talk, and pick a good time.
  • Think through what you want to say.
  • Don’t wait too long, especially if your needs aren’t being met.
  • Take the conversation slowly.
  • Talk about what you are thinking and feeling.
  • Point your partner to resources to learn more.
  • Point out the kinky sex (which could be a selling point to your partner), but talk about the other elements of D/s that speak to you.
  • Understand that they may need time to understand what this means, deal with any misconceptions they have, and learn more before they agree.
  • Be ready to change yourself as well.

Keep Your Expectations Realistic

Think about it for a second. You’ve either been kinky your entire life and are just now coming to terms with that fact or you read, watched, and saw enough kink that you realized it was interesting to you. Either way, you didn’t go from vanilla to kinky in a matter of minutes. Neither will your partner. (Note: This is typically true unless you were both secretly kinky but afraid to admit it to the other – which I have seen happen a few times, too.)

So, once you’re out, how to make it work?

First, “D/s requires commitment from both of you,” Peep said.

“Your partner won’t be the Dominant of your dreams. They’ll be who they are. Can you accept that Dominance or are you stuck on the fantasy? Remember, you’re not the only one in the relationship,” Caitlyn explained.

DD agreed. “I really thought I was going to write the script, keep control, and say how my husband was going to perform. I was so wrong,” DD said.

Unless you’re only looking to add kinky sex to the bedroom (and there’s nothing wrong with that), transitioning to a D/s relationship requires work from both of you. As a submissive, you will have to overcome years of being in control, not letting go, and/or not fully trusting your partner to handle issues. You may change more than your partner. It’s going to take time, and it’s definitely going to require hard work. (Learn some of the key skills you should know in 5 Ways to Spot a Good Submissive.)

What Happens After the First Conversation

Before you jump up from the table or couch or wherever you have this conversation to get kinky, slow down for a minute. OK – scratch that. If you’re both ready and willing for hot, kinky, monkey sex, go for it. I’d never deny someone that. Afterwards, though, when you’ve got clothes on again and you’ve cleaned up a bit, remember to take this slow.

Share the resources you found to learn about D/s. Find more resources. If you follow someone in the D/s lifestyle that gives credible advice, feel free to reach out with questions. I haven’t met a kinkster yet who’s not willing to help out someone who’s trying to learn more. And I don’t want to be friends with the person who won’t help.

“Keep talking and find mentors,” Peep said.

You both still have plenty to learn.

DD offers advice based on her own unique experience and tough road to submission. “It starts with your submission and respect of your partner,” she said. “Acknowledge the trust issues and put your submission into action.”

Remember, this is a journey – a long one. Don’t think you have to sprint to an imagined finish line. Take your time. Realize you’ll both make mistakes. Be willing to talk and keep talking. This is a time for brutal honesty as you discover what you want, need, like and don’t like. Your partner never has been and never will be a mind reader. Take it one day at a time and keep an open mind. Hopefully, your partner is willing to take the journey with you.

There’s a fine art to introducing your new sex partner to your kinks. Showing up with an armful of paddles and chains without a word is more than likely to freak them (or anyone) the fuck out. “You should think of it like easing into a cold pool,” recommends sex expert Dr. Ian Kerner. Take it slow; no need to make them feel like they’re in the middle of a Rihanna video the first time you start experimenting.

Keep in mind, though, no one should be put in a situation where they’re not enjoying themselves. “To do things in the bedroom that one doesn’t want to do, that’s a formula for resentment and a deterioration of your sex life,” says Dr. William Picker, a sex therapist with a BDSM subspecialty. If your partner’s not into it after following this handy guide, don’t push it. They might just not be the right sex partner for you.

1. Figure out what your kinks even are. Understanding not just what turns you on, but how and why it turns you on, can get your partner excited about trying something they’re not used to. Plus you’re going to need to be able to explain that stuff to your partner when you’re blindfolded with your hands tied to the headboard. You can even write up a script to practice. “Any good sex life involves communication between the partners in terms of how one thinks about it and how they actually enjoy it,” says Picker.

2. Start with hypotheticals. Start off slow and make it sexy and enticing for your partner. “You’re expressing the ‘deep end’ when you discuss the fantasy,” says Kerner, “instead of the ‘shallow end.'” Kerner recommends presenting your kink as a dream you had in which you and your partner were acting on these desires, and see how he or she responds. It takes a bit of the pressure off, and talking about the fantasy in a hypothetical way removes any judgment from the discussion.

3. Use pop-culture references. If you want to get all BDSM-lite on your partner, start leaving Fifty Shades of Grey around the bedroom, and reference it in your convo, suggests Dr. Jane Greer, New York-based marriage and sex therapist and author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship. Kerner recommends seeking out porn that explores your particular kink to watch together. Having a book or movie bring up the topic for you can be an easier way to gauge your partners reaction. If they say, “I would never do that, I think it’s awful and embarrassing,” you can easily be like, “Haha me neither and also we’re breaking up. Bye!” No harm done.

4. Sneak little bits of kink into regular sex. Kerner and Greer both recommend demonstrating some of the lighter aspects of your kink to your partner during a regular sex romp — but that doesn’t mean handcuffing them without warning, or busting out some hot wax. “Arousal has a way of naturally lowering your inhibitions and it releases a chemical cocktail that loosens you up,” explains Kerner. Some light spanking or dirty talk (probably) won’t kill your partner’s sex drive on the spot, even if they’re a little confused right away. Just don’t get carried away.

5. Give your partner something to do. Giving your partner instructions and telling them why you love seeing them do it can be extra encouraging. “When a man tells his girlfriend he wants to have a threesome, she might think, ‘Oh, he just wants to get in bed with another woman.’ The reality of it may be that he finds it stimulating to see her pleasured,” says Kerner. Even if you think he finds your fantasy daunting, making it about him can be empowering and make him more receptive.

6. Show them how much you love it. “During really good sex, the idea of the giver or receiver loses meaning,” says Picker. “The act of doing and experiencing one’s partner’s pleasures is, by absolute definition, pleasure as well.” Even your partner can’t get into your kink, they might still get off on knowing you’re getting off. When you’re introducing them to it for the first time, be vocal and show them how hot it makes you.

7. Be open to new stuff. Just because you’re into serious punishment and your partner isn’t, doesn’t necessarily mean your sex life is doomed. Instead, try to find a similar kink that you’re both into. “I think everyone has experiences with pain as potentially pleasurable,” says Picker. “Pain of being bit by a mosquito only to have the pleasure of scratching. Delay of orgasm can be a version of punishment. Even vanilla people can participate in a little bit of teasing, which is a kind of pain.” You might not be able to get your partner to hogtie you and spank you, but if you can both get off on a little blindfolded role play, you’re in good shape.

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Cosmo Frank I am a human male that enjoys consuming meals consisting of all five food groups and fulfilling every level of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.

The Bachelorettes

There are 9 potential wives in the game. If you plug in your copy of Friends of Mineral Town or More Friends of Mineral Town, you can then bring that up to 14 wives to choose from. The 5 normal wives are Nami, Muffy, Celia, Flora, and Lumina. After them come the 4 special wives; the Harvest Goddess, Leia the mermaid, Witch Princess, and Keira. Lastly there are the 5 girls you can only get from the GBA connection. Those are Popuri, Karen, Mary, Ann, and Elli.

You will need to give gifts in order to increase a woman’s interest in you. There are two values to her affection level. The Love Points will determine her heart color and her Friendship Points will factor in what other random events you might run into with her. The LP are more important than the FP values.

When her Love Points are 60,000 or higher then you can marry, but only if you have completed the other requirements. Besides having the woman at a red heart color, you need to also own the Big Bed, activated all 4 of her Heart Events, and have rescued at least 60 Harvest Sprites. Only after you have completed all 4 tasks can you give her the Blue Feather. The Feather will become available for purchase at Karen’s store once you have a woman up to an Orange (50,000 LP) heart level.

So to recap, you need the following requirements for marriage:

  • The girl at a red heart color (60,000 Love Points or more)
  • Own the Big Bed for your house, purchased from the Channel 2 TV Shopping channel (which looks like two beds side-by-side)
  • Unlock 60 Harvest Sprites or more, and have the Goddess back in her pond
  • View the 4 heart events; the answers you chose during the events does not matter
  • Buy the Blue Feather from Karen’s telephone store for 1000 G
  • If you have all other requirements finished, then equip the Blue Feather as a tool (red rucksack slot), stand next to the girl you want to marry, and press the tool button to “use” the feather

Normal Girls

Celia Flora Lumina Muffy Nami

Special Girls

Goddess Leia Witch Princess Keira

Mineral Town Girls

Note: The girls from Mineral Town do not have visible heart colors. You can see her affection by equipping the Love Bangle and talking to the girl.

Ann Elli Karen Mary Popuri

If you want to woo a girl from Mineral Town you need to connect your copy of either GBA game to your DS. Once a week you will get to see one of the Mineral Town girls visit your game. Since they only appear on a weekly basis they take the longest time to court. Unfortunatly when you finally are able to marry one of the Mineral Town girls your game will end. After the credits finish rolling you will be able to reload your game from your last save spot and you will be unmarried again.

The gamers who post to the UNoT forum worked hard to collect the information about the girls’ heart events as they played through the Japanese game. Credits also go to Blue, Chikita, Fawkes66, Harklan, Kyledove, Lalu, Myah-san, SPHIII, Yoopleroonie, and Susa-Ann.

” Index

Japanese men marry anime characters in a VR wedding

They say love knows no boundaries.

That philosophy holds especially true for these men, who can now marry anime characters in a Virtual Reality (VR) wedding.

According to LADBible, the trend started due to the VR game, Niizuma Lovely x Cation.

Photo: Hibiki Works

In this game, players are able to create meaningful relationships with one of the three characters.

The wedding ceremonies are created to make the entire experience more realistic and enjoyable.

There is now hope for everyone… 👰🎮

Posted by LADbible on Monday, 3 July 2017

Reactions have been mixed. Some felt disgust.

Others were plain confused.

One cited this phenomenon as the reason for Japan’s ageing population.

Others took a more sympathetic stand.

Here, one Japanese tried to explain the real situation.

Remember that this is not the first time a Japanese marries a virtual character.

In 2009, a Japanese gamer married a video game character from the Nintendo DS game, Love Plus.

And just recently, along the same lines of artificial intelligence (AI), there have been stories about men and their love for their sex dolls and robots.

Looks like the blurring of the lines between virtual and reality is getting closer and closer.

I-130, Petition for Alien Relative

Please do not submit this checklist with your Form I-130 (and Form I-130A, if required). It is an optional tool to use as you prepare your form, but does not replace statutory, regulatory, and form instruction requirements. We recommend that you review these requirements before completing and submitting your form. Do not send original documents unless specifically requested in the form instructions or applicable regulations.

If you submit any documents (copies or original documents, if requested) in a foreign language, you must include a full English translation along with a certification from the translator verifying that the translation is complete and accurate, and that they are competent to translate from the foreign language to English.

Did you provide the following?

  • Evidence of U.S. citizenship, lawful permanent residence, or U.S. national status:
    • A copy of your birth certificate, issued by a civil registrar, vital statistics office, or other civil authority showing you were born in the United States;
    • A copy of your naturalization or citizenship certificate issued by USCIS or the former Immigration and Naturalization Service (INS);
    • A copy of Form FS-240, Consular Report of Birth Abroad (CRBA), issued by a U.S. Embassy or U.S. Consulate;
    • A copy of your unexpired U.S. passport;
    • An original statement from a U.S. consular officer verifying you are a U.S. citizen with a valid passport; or
    • A copy of the front and back of your Permanent Resident Card (also known as a Green Card or a Form I-551).
  • Evidence of family relationship with one of the following (see form instructions for more detailed guidance):
    • Spouse: A copy of your marriage certificate
      • Evidence you or your spouse terminated any prior marriages (if applicable)
    • Child: A copy of your child’s birth certificate(s).
    • Parent: A copy of your birth certificate.
    • Brother/Sister: A copy of the birth certificate for you and your sibling.
  • Evidence of the bona fides of the marriage, if petitioning for a spouse:
    • Documentation showing joint ownership of property;
    • A lease showing joint tenancy of a common residence, meaning you both live at the same address together;
    • Documentation showing that you and your spouse have combined your financial resources;
    • Birth certificates of children born to you and your spouse together;
    • Affidavits sworn to or affirmed by third parties having personal knowledge of the bona fides of the marital relationship. Each affidavit must contain the full name and address of the person making the affidavit; date and place of birth of the person making the affidavit; and complete information and details explaining how the person acquired their knowledge of your marriage; and
    • Any other relevant documentation to establish that there is an ongoing marital union.
  • Proof of legal name change (if applicable); and
  • Two passport-style photographs (if applicable).

If you are filing Form I-130 for your adopted child

  • Evidence of U.S. citizenship:
    • A copy of your birth certificate, issued by a civil registrar, vital statistics office, or other civil authority showing you were born in the United States;
    • A copy of your naturalization citizenship certificate issued by USCIS or the former Immigration and Naturalization Service (INS);
    • A copy of Form FS-240, Consular Report of Birth Abroad (CRBA), issued by a U.S. Embassy or U.S. Consulate;
    • A copy of your unexpired U.S. passport; or
    • An original statement from a U.S. consular officer verifying that you are a U.S. citizen with a valid passport.
  • Evidence of family relationship, such as a final adoption decree;
  • Evidence you have had legal custody of the adopted child for two years; and
  • Evidence you have had joint residence with the adopted child for two years.

My wife is a dominatrix

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