Patti’s Tip: How and when to ask him out firs.t
“You can ask him out after he’s asked you out at least one or two times based on this: ‘I have tickets to the Yankee game; my dad gave them to me and I don’t really know much about sports—would you like to go?’ Or ‘I have to go to that charity event next week—would you like to go?’ But when you start setting the precedent from the beginning of asking him out, what happens is he gets lazy and becomes your 16-year-old couch-potato pot-smoking son. Whatever you do in the beginning, magnify that by 10. If you’re doing all the work in the beginning, that’s gonna be the marriage.”
Patti’s Tip: When to say “I love you.”
Patti’s Tip: When you love him, but aren’t getting what you want.
“You have drama, and life happens. You have to really look at the wish list like, ‘Is this worth it?’ Somebody I know…his wife left him because he was married to his job. She didn’t see the warning signs, and he didn’t see the warning signs—that’s a dangerous situation. You need to know, is this going to change, like ‘I need six more months at my internship at Mt. Sinai before I can settle down, buy the house, you know, get it together.’ Or is he saying this is the way it is, take it or leave it? Cause then you have a choice…you have to decide, what’s in it for you?”
Patti’s Tip: Not getting discouraged.
“There’s too much competition, especially in New York City where it’s 5:1 . The competition is fierce. Someone’s getting married, you feel less than thou, I’m not on schedule by the time I’m 30, you watch Sex and the City, you go ‘I’m gonna end up being alone.’ It’s like you basically create these dramas and these stories in your head. That’s why meditation is so good. It keeps you clear and gives you confidence.”
Patti’s Tip: How to know his marriage/kids timeline.
“If you want kids, this is what I would say in the beginning if I was dating someone. ‘Do you see yourself having kids? What age do you see yourself having kids?’ He’ll say ’35.’ You know by 33, 32, he’s looking for a wife because he’s gonna take a year to find her, a year to get in a relationship and get engaged, and a year to get married, and a year to have a kid. That’s within five years—30 to 35—so you know that that’s his plan, and men usually stick to their plan.”
Patti’s Tip: What to say when he’s not giving you what you deserve.
“Look, you’re not on my page, I’m not on yours, and I don’t want to hold you up. That’s the kind of confidence and spine that you need to attract the good ones. The good one are not like dead whales lying on the beach—they’re swimming in the ocean. You have to pull the trigger, get mysterious, disappear, and go MIA on them. Let them not know where you are. When you do the switch and say to someone, ‘We’re not right together,’ he goes into high gear. But you’ve got to mean it when you say it. When you have doubts, he’ll have ‘I want you.'”
Catch Patti and the premiere of The Millionaire Matchmaker on Sunday, December 7, at 9 P.M. ET/PT. The show will air on Thursdays at 10 P.M. ET/PT starting January 1.
Two-drink maximum? “Not today!” Patti Stanger exclaims, pouring me another tall glass of wine, in defiance of the one rule she enforces at all her mixers on The Millionaire Matchmaker. Does she ever break the rule herself? “Have you seen me with tequila?” Patti rebuts.
The occasion for my midday Bacchanalia with Patti (during which she remains sober throughout and I get increasingly drunker) is the launch of her new wine line, PSMatch, which includes a Chardonnay and Sweet Rosso that hit stores this month and a Prosecco and Rosé coming this fall.
Now that Valentine’s Day has passed—and with it the anxiety that accompanies the pursuit of love in February—we at Harper’s BAZAAR compiled our quandaries and sought out the advice (some of which we’ll follow) of Hollywood’s most loquacious matchmaker.
Social media background check before a first date: good or bad idea?
Find out where they work,what they do for a living—all the basics—but no further. The minute you Facebook,Twitter, or Instagram stalk them, you’re screwing yourself. The more information you have, the less likely it is that you’ll like the person because if you don’t like one picture, you’ll be biased.
I have romantic feelings for a friend. I can’t tell whether it’s unrequited or whether he’s just too shy to make a move. How do I find out?
I suspect my boyfriend is cheating on me. How should I confront him?
Ask him. If you can’t,take his phone.
Where are all the good guys hiding?
The best men come out during the day, not the night. Did you know that? They’re at the sports park; they’re buying groceries; they’re going to Whole Foods; they’re taking their kids out to the swings, the baseball field; they’re going to the gym; they’re getting a smoothie. Most men who are really smart are active. You can meet anyone standing in line in New York—we don’t have that in LA. Also, join groups, your ski houses and wine clubs. And most importantly, steakhouses. Everyone says all the men are at Strip House. We’re going to Strip House!
What do you think about women dating younger men?
Ten years younger and ten years above is fine. Of course, you’re not going to date a 16-year-old when you’re twenty, but once you hit your thirties you’re in the clear.
My relationship just ended in the most spectacular fashion. He was cheating on me with a friend and everyone knows. How do I handle it while keeping my composure?
Disappear for a week; go to a spa; come back all fucking Zen. They will be so shocked that they’ll think you’re the hero in the end. Anybody looks up to a person who really overcomes romantic adversity. Jennifer Aniston is the perfect example. She got hurt by one of the most popular men in the world. And with Angelina Jolie. How do you get revenge? End up with Justin Theroux. Find somebody new. My mother says the best way to get over a man is to get under another man.
What’s the best way to end a date that drags on?
About three years ago, I was on a terrible date from Plenty of Fish, but the guy was really nice. I leaned over, and I said, “Listen, I don’t think we have any chemistry. I don’t want to hold you up and make you waste money on me. How about if I meet anyone for you, I’ll send them your way, but I think I’m going to leave.” And I got up and left. He wrote me a thank-you note.
When the guy is rude and disruptive, I’ve snuck out the back and asked the maître d’ to tell him I’m leaving (you should always know the maître d’s name).
But if it’s a good date, I would say “Thanks for the drinks, I have other plans.”
The age-old question: What’s the graceful way to handle the bill?
Whoever asked the person out pays. If you asked out, you’re at risk. You can offer to chip in, but I warn you, if you do and he takes the money, you don’t want him. (If you’re in college, it’s a different story. You’re pooling in your money. But we’re talking about grown men in the working world, the Peter Pans). If you want to be sure that he pays, go to the bathroom, or when the check comes say, “Thanks for dinner!”
My boyfriend is a flirt. I know he’s faithful, but it still pisses me off. How do I make him stop?
You need to tell him that it hurts when he flirts. Here’s what I would say: flirt when I’m not around. It’s the way he knows he’s still got it and feels young again. Eventually you get to a place where you go, “If you continue to do this, I will leave.” The only other thing you could do is give him a taste of his own medicine. Once in a while you need to shock someone into shape. Abso-fucking-lutely.
This is 2015. Should I really not sleep with a man on a first date if I want to?
What about your “no sex before monogamy” rule—is that one really necessary?
If you want to get married. If you don’t want to get married, and you want to play, and you’re in your fifties, and you’ve seen it all and done it all, go ahead. Oxytocin’s not strong then, so you get away with it. But when you’re young and estrogen is surging through your blood and creating oxytocin, you could get bonded to garbage. Do you want that, just because of one juicy-goosy orgasm?
I’m falling for a friend’s ex. What are the rules?
Ooh, friend’s ex—that’s so against the code. Examine: Why are you falling for the ex? Is it because you were jealous that she got him? What’s really the motivation? You can ask for permission, but you’re crossing into terrible territory. You’re going to lose your friend in the end, so which do you want more, the friend or the guy? If it was just a date or three-month fling, okay, but the friend’s not going to be happy, especially if they’re not in a new relationship.
Patti Stanger, a third-generation matchmaker and author of Become Your Own Matchmaker: 8 Easy Steps For Attracting Your Perfect Mate, wants everyone to find love.
“I have seen people in wheelchairs find love. I see people who are blind, who are deaf, who have cerebral palsy — and they all find love,” she says. “I do not want to hear a story of why it can’t happen because there is a love for everybody.”
On February 20, Stanger will be hosting a Live Interactive Webinar series where she will use her Millionaire’s Club Matchmaking Service methods to improve the love life of the participants. She says that her event “will show you how to attract the man you desire, make him love you passionately and stay with you forever.”
Those who register (for a fee) can submit questions about love to her in a group setting. It doesn’t matter your age, relationship status, or if you’re trying to get engaged, she will answer your love questions.
But before your begin your journey, you need to make yourself physically and emotionally ready to find and accept love. Find out where, when and how to look for love with Stanger’s top nine tips for catching and keeping a man.
- Get in dating shape. This means re-doing your wardrobe and cleaning yourself up. It does not matter if you are a size 2 or a size 14, I want you to make a dating wardrobe. Have your look set up in your closet. Get a facial, get your hair done and make yourself feel good.
- Head to the gym. This is very important because as we age we lose dopamine and that is the ‘feel good’ hormone, as well as oxytocin if we are over 50 for women, and testosterone for men. Hitting the gym increases those three things. Which means you will be in hormonal balance, you will feel good, and you will feel sexy. I want you to feel sexy. The feeling part is what develops first.
- Try meditation. It centers you, clears your head and releases your anxiety.
- Tell other people you are looking. If you want to date, let friends, family, and co-workers know. Getting online should be 10 percent of your search. The rest is getting involved in activities that interest you. What is your passion? What floats your boat? Once you pursue your own interests you will find like-minded men there.
- Conduct research. Similar to location, location, location for real estate, research is a key to finding love. You don’t want to waste your time because dating is exhausting. Get out of the house two or three times a week and go to neighborhoods and places that you’ve never been before. Not the same bar and not with the same group you always hang out with.
- Don’t travel in a pack. Those who travel in packs, don’t attract. Go out alone, especially if you are a woman because men will not infiltrate a posse. They don’t want to pay for drinks for your girlfriends, and they don’t want to hear from your friends that they are not good looking enough. You could be grunge, with no make-up on and straight from the gym, (which I do not recommend), and if you are alone, a man will approach you.
- It starts on the inside. It is an inside job, not an outside job. It is not how hot you are. I know supermodels who are lonely. I work with them and they say that no one approaches them. The girl who is an Average Annie is more likely to succeed. In Hollywood, it’s all about the perfect 10, but in Anytown USA, the 10 doesn’t always rule.
- Invite people in with energy. We have to invite people in. It’s about energy more than anything else. People think the more parties they go to the better, but if you feel like crap, you’re not going to attract anyone.
- Signal and smile. If the guy talks first, let him speak. Whether he is asking you for directions or asking you for the time, smile and flip your hair and show that the space around you is inviting for him to come over. The problem is we’re so closed off with our phones and our devices that we don’t look up and we never smile. So smile, exude positive energy and make things happen!
Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger Opens Up About Loneliness, Finding Happiness and Her Perfect Romantic Evening
|Full Name/Real Name:||Patricia “Patti” Stanger|
|Birth Date:||31 May 1961|
|Birth Place:||Short Hills, Millburn, New Jersey, United States|
|Spouse:||Andy Friedman (2003–10); David Krause (2012–15)|
|Profession:||American businesswoman and reality television personality|
|Net Worth in 2020:||$7.5 million|
Patti Stanger is a businesswoman and a popular television personality. She is best known for hosting the reality television series The Millionaire Matchmaker which aired on the Bravo TV. She is also the founder and CEO of the company Millionaire’s Club International, Inc which provides professional matchmaking service for millionaires.
But do you know how much is Patti Stanger’s net worth in 2020 and how old is she? If you do not know, we have prepared the following article in which you can find everything that interests you about Patti Stanger’s life and career. We have prepared this article for you not only about details of Patti Stanger’s career, professional life and personal life, but also about her net worth, age, height, weight and more facts. Well, if you’re ready, let’s start.
As of 2020, Patti Stanger has a net worth of $7.5 million.
Table of Contents
- Patti Stanger Early Life & Biography:
- Patti Stanger’s Age, Height, Weight & Body Measurements
- Patti Stanger Personal Life: Affair, Dating, Boyfriend, Husband, Family & Children
- Patti Stanger Career, Awards & Nominations:
- Patti Stanger Net Worth & Earnings:
- Patti Stanger on Social Media
- How ‘Millionaire Matchmaker’ Patti Stanger’s global brand beats Oprah’s
- 8 Questions for Millionaire Matchmaker, Patti Stanger
- ‘Million Dollar Matchmaker’: The Real Reason Patti Stanger Never Got Married
- Who is Patti Stanger?
- From small-town matchmaker to television star
- Patti Stanger had a tough time finding love
- Patti wants to become a mom one day
- Million Dollar Matchmaker Patti Stanger says dating is ‘a man’s game’
- Million Dollar Matchmaker
- Patti Stanger Would ‘Love’ To Bring Back ‘Millionaire Matchmaker’
Patti Stanger Early Life & Biography:
Patricia “Patti” Stanger was born on May 31, 1961, in Short Hills, New Jersey. She was later adopted by a couple named Ira and Rhoda. She was raised according to the Jewish faith. She went to the Millburn High School and later attended the University of Miami in the year 1983 where she received her degree in Bachelor of Fine Arts. She currently resides in Los Angeles.
Patti Stanger’s Age, Height, Weight & Body Measurements
Patti Stanger was born on 31 May 1961 and currently as of 2020, she is 58 years old. Statistics put Patti Stanger height as 1.73 m and weight 55 kg.
Patti Stanger Personal Life: Affair, Dating, Boyfriend, Husband, Family & Children
Relationship Statistics of Patti Stanger
|What is Patti Stanger marital status? (single, married, in relation or divorced):||Andy Friedman (2003–10); David Krause (2012–15)|
|Is Patti Stanger having any relationship affair?||No|
|Is Patti Stanger Lesbian/Gay?||No|
|Who is Patti Stanger’s Spouse? (name):||Andy Friedman (2003–10); David Krause (2012–15)|
|Does Patti Stanger Have Any Kids?||No|
Patti Stanger started dating a real estate executive Andy Friedman whom she met in the year 2003 through a matchmaker. The couple broke up in the year 2010. Stanger revealed in the season five of the Millionaire Matchmaker series that the reason for their break-up was the lack of passion in their relationship. Later she went on to date basketball player David Krause whom she met online in 2012.
Patti Stanger Career, Awards & Nominations:
Patti Stanger worked as the Director of Marketing for Great Expectations before founding her own business in the year 2000. She also worked for a brief amount of time in the fashion industry. She was an assistant to Janis Spindel when she was just 24 years of old.
In 2000, she founded the millionaire club where successful and rich men could find and date intelligent and beautiful women. In 2008, she signed a deal with the Bravo TV network for a reality television series, Millionaire Matchmaker. She is the producer as well as the host of the show. The show became very successful which increased Stanger’s popularity.
The television show completed its 100th episode on December 7, 2014.
In 2009, she was hired by Premiere Radio Networks to host the show “P.S. I Love You“. She still hosts the show which airs every Thursday in the Pink channel. She also did guest appearances in many other television shows including Drop Dead Diva, Days of Our Lives and Sharknado: The 4th Awakens.
Patti Stanger Net Worth & Earnings:
Patti Stanger Net Worth
She has an estimated net worth of more than $7.5 million. This huge net worth is the result of the success of her show, Millionaire Matchmaker. She is the host and the producer of the show which means she earns a huge amount of money for the television series. She also gets money from the radio as she hosts a radio show “P.S. I Love You”. She has also published a book which also helps her to accumulate wealth.
Patti Stanger is one of the most renowned businesswomen and television personalities in the world. Stanger career as an entrepreneur and a television personality has been very successful. She was able to overcome every obstacle in her life through constant perseverance and hard work.
Patti Stanger on Social Media
Relationship expert Patti Stanger, best known for her popular reality television series Millionaire Matchmaker, is more than eager to continue her life’s work of helping singles and couples find true love.
Stanger, the author of Become Your Own Matchmaker: 8 Easy Steps For Attracting Your Perfect Mate, never shies always from hot topics, whether it’s finding your one true love, improving your sex life and getting your significant other to propose marriage. Stanger wants to provide insight into your deepest desires and give out some sage advice in the process.
“It’s about more than dating, relationships and falling in love,” explains Stanger. “We need to have a conversation about how lonely people are in their lives.”
Some 44,965 Americans die as a result of suicide each year, according to the Centers for Disease Control. She knows that people give up more years of their lives to suicide than any other single cause of death except heart disease and cancer. “Loneliness is a major killer and eventually, it will create disease,” says Stanger. “We were not meant to be alone.”
In the following exclusive interview, Stanger gives Parade.com insights into love, romance, as well as attracting and keeping your perfect mate.
What do you say for those who have given up on finding the perfect match?
My grandmother would say there is a lid for every pot.
There are some doubters out there who have been at the dating game for years.
I have seen people in wheelchairs find love. I see people who are blind, who are deaf, who have cerebral palsy — and they all find love. I do not want to hear a story of why it can’t happen because there is a love for everybody. Stop living in negativity. It is your job to get your stuff together; nobody else’s.
Give me one major piece of advice for those who are looking for love.
You just have to be happy with who you are, whether you are 20 pounds overweight, if you are a widow, or if you have been divorced three times. It does not matter what your past is; all that matters is your present.
What is the best way to spend Valentine’s Day if you do not have a special someone in your life right now?
Go out with your friends. Single men are out and about looking that night at places like clubs and lounges. Don’t go to couple’s prix fixe dinners.
How many successful matches and marriages are you responsible for through your elite Millionaire’s Club and other avenues?
I am superstitious. I don’t give away my stats since I feel if I boast I will lose my gift.
Why do you believe your mom and grandmother became matchmakers?
They did that because it was the only way for my mom to find a husband and once they did that the rabbi came calling them for help.
Why did you follow in their footsteps?
Matchmaking is a calling, not a job. It’s like breathing; it is that instinctive, plus I know how hard it is to find love, so I feel I’m here to serve.
How have you changed and evolved? What have you learned from the matches, your shows and all of your work on dating and mating?
Well, the good news is that love is here to stay. The Bachelor is one of the best brands out there, and no matter how many times you see the girls cry in the limousine and the guy sits before the girls, you still believe in the happy, fairytale ending. We cannot get enough of Love Island, Temptation Island, The Hills and Jersey Shore.
Dating has changed a great deal since you started helping with relationships.
Absolutely, with the apps and the #MeToo Movement. So, it keeps changing. There are 140 million single people in the United States, and an estimated 40 percent of them are women over the age of 40, and some of them have never been married. So, we have to keep doing everything we can to make love stay on the map right now.
What have you learned about falling in love, staying in love and finding love?
I have found that the hardest part is the finding part.
Matchmaker and Relationship Expert Patti Stanger (Photo courtesy of Tara Ciccone )
What is one big obstacle people put in their way?
Sometimes you have a type and that can get in your way. But if you are open to considering someone already in your life, you could end up liking someone completely opposite of what your type is. So, you’ve got to stay open to a man that makes you feel good. So straight, gay, male or female, 18 or 80; I believe it is all about feeling good.
You are best known for your candor on your show and for telling millionaires that they needed to change their tone or their act. I don’t think they were used to being spoken to like that.
No, most men aren’t. But, we don’t have a lot of time in the episode so we’ve got to just crank it. It is a little bit like shock therapy.
Is there a new version of the show you would consider in the future?
I would consider going back if we rebooted the show to a 2.0 version of Millionaire Matchmaker. My dream was always to take it around the world, and do it in other countries and then bring it back to the United States for a more improved version. Safe dating is my platform. So, who knows? I will never forget my time there, and I will never close the door.
As you mentioned, the suicide rate is through the roof and we suffer from massive loneliness. Then you add in all of the electronics and social media, which is only pushing us further apart.
Exactly. We have to disconnect. Looking at your phone, and you think it is only millennials. I went to dinner the other night with several grown men in their 60s on their phones, not even looking up. Ignoring their wives, ignoring their girlfriends, ignoring people at the bar. No one is connecting. I was at one of the hottest places in LA, and it was packed and nobody was talking to anyone. It was very weird. It looked like a digital café in Europe.
That lack of connection is clearly a big problem.
All I know is when you no longer are interested in the person in front of you, male friend, best friend, coworker, lover and your phone has become more important, then I would say that you have an addiction. It’s no different than an alcoholic, drug addict, foodaholic or a sex addict. You have to say to yourself ‘Why am I doing this?’ It is like you have the attention span of an ant.
What do you find romantic?
I love a guy who plans and takes initiative. It doesn’t have to be expensive because being thoughtful goes a long way. So, flowers, dinner and an ocean view. I’m simple about the event as long as the man woos me!
How ‘Millionaire Matchmaker’ Patti Stanger’s global brand beats Oprah’s
Patti Stanger has built one of the most recognizable brands on the planet by offering her relationship-minded clients the personal attention no one else would provide and using video and social media to share the progress. USA TODAY
I was in Istanbul recently, eating dinner with friends at the posh Nusr-Et restaurant. Our group included two businesswomen from China. It was my first time meeting them, and since we were the few who spoke English, we were seated next to each other.
Immediately, we tried to find common ground by naming various musicians and authors to see if we shared any favorites.
Not one. They didn’t know any of the artists I mentioned, and I had not heard of one they cited.
I decided to go to my foolproof “everyone should know” person. I leaned over and said “How about Oprah Winfrey, how do you like her work?”
The two women looked at each other in a very puzzled way and then turned to me and said, “I’m sorry, we’ve never heard of Oprah Winfrey.”
I was blown away. So, almost in jest, I said, “How about the ‘Millionaire Matchmaker’, do you know her?”
Their response will forever be cemented in my mind. With a big smile they said almost in unison, “Patti Stanger, oh yes, we love her in China!”
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But how did they know who she was?
They had not seen Stanger on TV in China.
They had not seen her on tour in China.
They had not read her books, nor were they familiar with any business she did in China.
So how was the Millionaire Matchmaker more recognizable to them than everyone else I mentioned? My two new friends told me many of her quotes and video clips have gone viral on WeChat, the most popular social network in China. They then dropped the literal million-dollar nugget, “and we love how real she is.”
In a day and age where personal brand and audience building is at an all-time high on the importance scale, Stanger is crushing it globally.
It’s for that reason I was so excited to interview her for USA & Main’s Uncommon Drive series, where I sit down with the world’s most intriguing creators and founders. Stanger possesses many traits that have helped her garner worldwide recognition, but I was most curious about the core driver. Connecting the discussion I had with my friends from China – who I met months before talking to Stanger – with my observations of her before, during and after the interview, all helped me find what I believe is the secret to how the Millionaire Matchmaker built one of the most recognizable brands in the world.
What became clear the second Stanger entered the USA TODAY offices in Los Angeles is that she is unapologetically honest – about everything, even herself. Before we started shooting the interview, Stanger had given commentary on everything from the terrible parking (she was right), to a better position for the cameras, to what side of her face was most flattering.
Some of her comments stung (like when she told me to sit up straighter), but I realized after the interview got underway and we dug deep into her background that Stanger doesn’t intentionally try to harm anyone. Instead, her upbringing and hard-lived professional career taught her that in order to survive, she had to live by one simple rule – raw authenticity all the time.
Authenticity is one of the most powerful yet challenging traits to convey, especially in business. Few people are willing to unveil their true selves to their bosses, co-workers, or clients out of fear of retribution. Stanger, on the other hand, operates in a constant state of truth, for better or worse. Her willingness to face and fight the blowback that could come from the “worse” is what makes her so compelling.
An analysis of Stanger’s career makes it clear the embracing of her true self did not come overnight. There also appear to be distinct steps she took to develop the trait of raw authenticity. The three that most stood out from my conversation with her include:
1. Become self-aware: Every choice we make is done either subconsciously or consciously. It’s when we make our decisions using the latter that we are living fully self-aware. To make diligent choices requires focus on one’s skills as well as deficiencies. The magic is that the more you focus on a choice, weighing every factor, the more self-aware you become. Stanger embodies this perfectly. Every question I asked, no matter how trivial, I could literally see her pause a moment, think it through, and then respond, consciously.
2. Be present: There are thousands of articles written on being present in the moment, but what I learned from Stanger will be the lesson I take with me for life. In every conversation, simply have an opinion. You don’t have to share that opinion, but if you tell yourself to form an opinion based on everything you’re hearing, it will nudge you beyond simply hearing words. Attaching an opinion forces you to be present.
3. Be decisive: Few of us like to make decisions, especially tough ones. However, if you’ve been around long enough, you know that if a decision needs to be made and you don’t make it, the decision eventually will be made for you. Stanger wants none of that. She lives and breathes intention, with a desire to have control over her destiny and not leave it in the hands of just anyone. What I realized from talking to her is that if we’re being true to ourselves and living authentically, we would not leave most decisions in the hands of fate. Of course, there will be times when someone else could be more knowledgeable, but then again, proactively identifying those people is in itself a decisive act.
Watch my interview with Patti at usaandmain.com for more insights on building a global brand that’s more memorable – at least to some – than Oprah’s.
Paul C. Brunson, host of USA TODAY’s video series “Uncommon Drive,” is a serial entrepreneur with three exits and a pioneering matchmaker (yes, he is the real-life “Hitch”). He also is building a school in Jamaica. Follow him on LinkedIn or Instagram for behind the scenes footage and insight from his interviews and travels.
Some 40 million Americans use online dating services, and just under half the country is single. That’s a lot of awkward first dates. While the game of courtship used to be more clear-cut—thank you, Jane Austen, and after that, the authors of The Rules—Internet dating has changed all that. Finding Mr. or Ms. Right is like shopping for a winter coat on Amazon. If it doesn’t work out, you can just send it back, and there are hundreds of replacements just a click away.
That’s where we come in. We polled Patti Stanger, who runs her own Los Angeles–based matchmaking service, chronicled on TV’s Millionaire Matchmaker, for some tips. Here are the top seven “don’ts” on a first date:
1. Don’t Mention the Ex
Or how many other people you’re dating. Or which Victoria’s Secret Angel you like best. Or which Patriots quarterback you’re lusting after. “Nothing about the opposite sex that could deter that person from feeling special,” says Stanger. “That’s the No. 1 rule I have.” As far as your first date is concerned, you’re Adam and she’s Eve. The last two humans in the entire race. (So stop staring at that cute waiter who looks like Jason Lewis.)
2. Don’t Discuss God or Gingrich
If the rule holds for family holidays, it holds for the first date. “Never bring up religion and politics,” says Stanger. “You’ll get into a heated argument; most people do not generally agree, and when you go down that road you end up leaving the date quicker than not.” So if you’re jonesing for Jesus, or cuckoo for Christine O’Donnell, or outraged at Obama, Stanger advises to keep it to yourself, at least in the beginning.
3. Don’t Use Them for Therapy
Bravo’s other reality-show stars would do well to heed Stanger’s third rule. “Don’t baggage them,” says Stanger. “Don’t be poor Sally. Negative Nelly.” Your date doesn’t need to hear about your former life as a coke-sniffing prostitute. She doesn’t want to know how your short-selling ways helped bring Lehman to its knees. Job woes, childhood complexes, mental-health issues, recent deaths in the family, divorces, child-custody battles, lawsuits, jail time, war crimes: all best left in the closet. “We don’t want to hear it,” says Stanger. “Even if you’re the greatest person in the world, we’re going to put you in the negative category.” Baggage dumping is apparently a big problem on first dates, “especially if you have too much to drink,” which brings us to:
4. Don’t Get Wasted
Anyone who’s watched Jersey Shore knows the deep and profound wisdom inherent in rule No. 4. If only Vinnie had heeded this rule, he might not have ended up in bed with the Staten Island Dump. “Do not drink past two glasses of wine or two cocktails,” Stanger warns. “Do not mix. Do not think that you can do a third because you’re an Irish Catholic and your dad can drink your mother under the table. Do not.”
5. (Ladies Only:) Don’t Bring Up Marriage or Kids
Yes, it seems very 1950s to say that men can broach the subject of matrimony and children but women have to avoid these topics like the plague. “It’s very biased and it’ll get the feminists after me, but it is what it is, and I change the biology,” says Stanger, who claims that a man is permitted to talk rings and diapers “because he’s like a buyer. He’s looking at the best piece of real estate he can find.” So what’s a pretty piece of real estate to do? (Other than convert to a kibbutz, that is?) “When they ask you the question, answer it honestly. Because he’s assessing you, and if you say, ‘No, I never want to get married,’ and you really do, and he’s looking for a marriage-minded wife, you just lost your window.” Are you taking notes, Don Draper?
Click to relive some of reality TV’s highest highs and lowest lows. CBS
6. Don’t Talk Dirty
Really (you might be wondering)? Not even a little innuendo tossed out over the chicken Kiev? Really, says Stanger. “I don’t care if you want to leap across the table, rip your clothes off, and jump in the Jacuzzi with him. Never talk about sex.” This rule will seem particularly harsh to younger generations, who have grown up on sexting and the overripe adolescences of Miley Cyrus and Britney Spears. But teens and 20-somethings be warned: “Generally, men who speak about sex in the first couple dates are trying to feel you out to see how far your kink is on … don’t tell him that you’re very adventurous sexually, you like to do it in the water. Don’t go into your fantasy land. Because if you do, you will not be able to close that Pandora’s box.” And no, Pandora’s box is not a strip club, and you will not be offering to go there later in the evening.
7. Don’t Be Rude
New Yorkers, this one’s for you. Ladies, you have to say “please” and “thank you” to the man to show that you appreciate his time and effort. Gentlemen, you need to “close the deal.” This means asking her out for a second date, preferably on the weekend. “If you continue not to give the girl Saturday night, after two times, she knows she’s not your top-tier girl,” says Stanger. “And if she’s got spine and she loves herself, she’ll be like ‘No way am I going out with him again unless it’s a Saturday night.’ ” Guys, it doesn’t matter if you happen to really love Justin Timberlake’s appearances on Saturday Night Live and can’t bear to spring for TiVo. You have to sacrifice the Saturday. “Saturday night is where the top seed gets, that’s the girlfriend material. If he gives you Wednesday night every week, you have problems.”
8 Questions for Millionaire Matchmaker, Patti Stanger
Since she’s known for her outspoken personality and strong dating tips, we couldn’t wait to sit down with Millionaire Matchmaker, Patti Stanger to snag some hilarious sound bites. (And of course, we got some great ones!) Plus, in case you haven’t noticed, the woman also has some seriously sculpted legs, so we had to find out how she achieves her gorgeous gams too. Here’s what she had to say.
Shape: Your legs are amazing. What fitness classes are you taking?
Patti Stanger : I’ve gotten obsessed with spinning, I mean, obsessed. I do the Equinox classes. I want to create a spin society with spin vacations, spin clothing, a spin bag-I want to take over the whole spin world. Also, I started doing rowing, and I’ve tried Pilates, but I just don’t have it in me, it’s not fast enough.
Shape: You meditate, right? Does that help you through a workout?
PS: Yes, I meditate every day for about 15 to 20 minutes, and sometimes at night if I can’t sleep. I think meditation calms me down. I don’t sweat the small stuff. Meditation gives you confidence too, because if someone says something about you, you realize, ‘nah, that’s not true. That’s what you think of me and that’s okay.’ And then you evolve; you weed out the bad people in your life. You get rid of the bad jobs. You have confidence to go after that dream job or move to a new city or start a new life or just go after the things you normally wouldn’t do, because you were afraid. It takes away that fear.
Shape: We know you have a lot of dating rules, but what are some that women should forget about?
PS: I still don’t like it when you call. I know that’s terrible, but you’re interrupting his processing time. He’s processing whether he wants to date you or not, and if you interrupt, you become his mother, because now you’re telling him what to do. Men are very simple; if he’s not interested, he’s not going to call. So don’t make excuses. Like on Sex and the City, when Berger said, ‘He’s just not that into you,’ in real life he also means, he’s just not that into you.
Another rule: You shouldn’t waste time on a bad date. You can actually get up (I mean, as long as he didn’t spend $200 on you or something) and say, ‘You know, this isn’t working, I don’t feel chemistry, but if I find someone for you, I’m going to send them your way, because you’re a catch. But I need to go right now.’ Why waste his time? Then you have to wait for the phone call, then you have you turn him down-it’s a nightmare.
RELATED: 28 Powerful Women Share Their Best Advice
Shape: What’s one thing every woman should keep on her nightstand?
PS: A vibrator, but hide it.
Shape: What is the best way to make a lasting impression after a first date?
PS: If he kisses you, he’s really into you. But the hug says ‘let me feel her body,’ and you should give him a hard hug. I hate when a man gives me a weak handshake too. It’s like, ‘I’m kind of lazy in bed. You’re going to have to do all the work.’
Shape: What’s the best advice you’ve ever gotten?
PS: Nothing good happens after 11 o’clock at night, from my mother. Not midnight, 11. Get out of there. Once you get his number, get the hell out and be a mystery. Make him want you more.
Shape: What’s your biggest pet peeve?
PS: Critical people. I remember when I went on a date once and I ordered the fettuccine alfredo. It was my cheat day, because I was on a strict diet. And the guy goes, ‘Do you really think you need that?’ I remember thinking, ‘If you aren’t going to let me eat the fettuccine on a date, what are you doing to do when I’m married to you?’
Shape: What’s the one thing every woman should try at least once in her life?
PS: Oh, love. Falling in love.
- By Mallory Creveling
‘Million Dollar Matchmaker’: The Real Reason Patti Stanger Never Got Married
It seems like some sort of cruel joke – you find people love matches for a living, yet you can’t seem to find a perfect match for yourself. Yet when it comes to Patti Stanger, star of the hit reality show Million Dollar Matchmaker, that’s exactly what happened.
Who is Patti Stanger?
Patti Stanger | Alberto E. Rodriguez/iStock/Getty Images
The self-described love guru is a third-generation matchmaker and exceptionally proud of her ability to make love connections. After graduating college and spending a short time as the Marketing Director of a dating website, Patti Stanger decided to launch her own matchmaking company. She called it The Millionaires Club.
Not just anyone could join, of course. Only clients with an impressive bank account (and yes, they required proof of financial status) were offered coveted spots in the club. But what they got in return was Stanger’s matchmaking skills and a plethora of eligible dates. With her special combination of tough love and a knack for predicting who would have chemistry, Patti Stanger successfully helped launch hundreds of relationships.
From small-town matchmaker to television star
Life changed forever when television producers came knocking at Stanger’s door. The reality show based on her approach to matchmaking and exclusive club was an instant hit. The Millionaire Matchmaker originally aired on Bravo, but it was later rebranded and now lives on WeTV as Million Dollar Matchmaker. The name may be different, but the idea is the same. Patti helps really rich people find love. It’s entertaining, surprising, and feels so good to watch.
But it wasn’t long before those fans started to wonder: Was Stanger in a relationship herself? Surely with so much insight into matchmaking and finding love, she must have found the man of her dreams a long time ago. Right?
Well, not exactly.
Patti Stanger had a tough time finding love
She may be a success in her matchmaking business – but her personal life hasn’t been so simple. Stanger has been romantically linked to John Matthews and David Krause, plus she was engaged to Andy Friedman. But the queen of love has never actually been married.
Why did those relationships fail? All the usual reasons, of course. Patti blamed her breakup with one boyfriend on his astrological sign. She said, “For my next guy, I’m looking at our charts right away and believing what I see.”
When explaining the breakup with David, Stanger was sad but also seemed wiser in the wake of the split. “It’s unfortunate for a million and one reasons and obviously hard and sad for both of us,” she said in 2012. “Parts of me wish neither of us had to go through this. At the same time, I realize that this relationship and break up had to happen because I needed to learn a lot of lessons I never would have been able to learn without dating David.”
Patti Stanger and David Krause | Mike Windle/iStock/Getty Images
Patti wants to become a mom one day
One of her most serious relationships was the one with Andy Friedman in 2010. The reason for that break-up was serious; she wanted kids and he didn’t. As Stanger said on Twitter: I just ended my relationship with Andy. It hit me really hard that I want kids in my life. You have to agree on the non-negotiables.”
Of course, Patti Stanger always tells her clients that it’s never too late to find love. When you find the right one, you know, and everything clicks. It’s still possible Patti will find the fairytale romance that she’s always wanted for herself.
Patti Stanger has one piece of advice for all you daters out there — and it has to do with your ex! The Millionaire Matchmaker chatted with the ladies of “The Real” on Thursday’s show, where she served up her dating tips and dished on the one thing you should probably avoid doing when initially getting into a relationship.
When Jeannie asked for Patti’s tricks of the dating trade, she advised, “The number one thing you have to do is decide what you want and not switch to the other side of the street just because it’s chemistry. You have to see that chemistry is not 100 percent. There are financial things that you gotta talk about. There are family things… Like if I want a kid and you don’t want a kid, forget it! If I want to get and you don’t want to get married, forget it! Next, next, next.”
Patti doesn’t call partners soulmates, she calls them “lifemates,” because you want to make sure your significant other is in it for the long-haul and is compatible with your lifestyle.
So, what’s her biggest dating no-no?
“One takeaway is don’t talk about your ex until you’re ready to talk about your ex,” Patti said. “It’s going to come up, but not on the first date. Don’t give your rap sheet to the floor.”
She added, “They don’t want to become your therapist.”
What’s the best piece of dating advice you’ve ever received, Real fam? Would you talk about your ex on a first date?
Million Dollar Matchmaker Patti Stanger says dating is ‘a man’s game’
Million Dollar Matchmaker
- TV Show
Patti Stanger is known for two things: her brutal honesty and her elite matchmaking business. The latter has resulted in two hit reality series, Bravo’s Millionaire Matchmaker, which ended after an impressive eight-season run, and WE tv’s Million Dollar Matchmaker.
EW caught up with Stanger, and she dished on the biggest change we’ll see this season, the double standards women still face in the dating world, and the origin of her most memorable isms.
Season 2 of Million Dollar Matchmaker premieres Aug. 4 on WE tv at 10 p.m. ET.
ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: How is season 2 going to differ from the first of this newest series?
PATTI STANGER: We still do the screaming at the millionaire, we still do a party — you know, like a mingle and all that stuff — but you’re gonna get a healing, which means a healing in the hot seat. We really break you of your bad dating habits and relationship problems. And so, it’s not about getting the guy and the girl in the end. It’s about like, let’s never create that scenario again. Some dark s—t comes out. Most things stem from childhood. When it came to Claudia Jordan, she had a serious problem that happened to her at 18, and Kelly blames Bethenny for ruining her life. So we make decisions based on trauma that happens in our life, and then we create a road that we take in love that never, ever works. And we have to break them of that. Clean it out.
So it’s more therapeutic than last season.
It’s Intervention meets Matchmaker.
Are there any other new matchmaking methods or technology?
We do a love lesson, and it’s really me breaking everyone in the hot seat. It’s like, you sit in the hot seat, I’m Barbara Walters Dr. Phil turned into one. And then I my intuition, I’m psychically reading them. That’s my favorite part of the show. And then, you know, you get your party, we coach you into doing what we have to do. a new psychic this season. He gets into it with Candace, they have a little brother-sister spat. But overall it’s really a tight show. It has really good moments of highs and lows, and what happens in the end — who ends up with somebody, and who doesn’t listen, and who does listen — and then we have crazy millionaires that… that’s what made Matchmaker history. So these millionaires we find with anger management issues, and people that are just crazy, you know? Like really crazy.
Image zoom D Dipasupil/Getty Images for WE tv
Last season you introduced the hotel and sort of spying on people before they come and meet you. Is there any other technology this season?
We do The Luxe Hotel, which is a very exclusive hotel in Beverly Hills — up in the hills of Bel Air, actually — and we use iPads, and we use Roku on the screen, and we do sometimes spy on people, but that’s pretty much it. There’s no apps connection or anything like that, or social media. We do talk about social media, we do follow them on social media, and we do follow them and see what are they showing to the public, as far as their love life goes, and how they’re acting because that behavior has to change. A lot of people make a lot of mistakes on social media.
Is there any dating advice that you would never give again, or that you now look at differently?
Well, I think there’s a lot of ageism in America going on, and I feel bad for the women that are getting into their 50s and 60 and 70s. I mean, look at Christie Brinkley, and she says no one will ask her out ’cause of her age, and it’s like, Jesus Christ, I’ve seen 26-year-olds don’t look as good as her. So the men are becoming pricks. They’re a–holes right now. It’s a man’s game. It’s horrible. Women have to go to Europe and other countries to find men who will treat them better. It’s some weird thing going on in the water. Men are not available — we have 20,000 more men than women in L.A. and you don’t see men anywhere. Women are calling me, like A-listers calling me, Academy Award-winning actresses, and saying, “Where the f–k are the men?” and we’re doing research on it right now. It’s a horrible, horrible thing. I mean, they’re not available.
Do you believe in soulmates?
I believe you have mates, who come into your life for a reason. But there’s more than one. I don’t believe the Beshert Jewish theory that “There’s only one.” Oh, my God, I’d be out of business, okay?
In the Millionaire Matchmaker opening sequence, you said you come from a family of matchmakers. Does your method differ at all from your family’s methods?
They didn’t take money. It wasn’t a business, it was more to get people married, because it was in the ’60s. You know, like, I’ll give you an example: I have a new product coming out called Pat Emoji, which just came out on the App Store. And it’s emojis, and the emojis are my sayings and my isms. And a lot of my isms come from my grandmother, believe it or not. Even though they’re a little bit — they’re a little bit cleaner. I made ’em a little dirtier. “The penis does the picking” was mine. Because I believe that men have types, and they don’t — they can deviate blonde hair and dark hair, but the innate qualities, the types are the same. So “the penis does the picking” was that.
What’s your favorite ism from your grandmother?
Okay, well this is a terrible ism, and I don’t use this — you’ve never heard me say this — she’ll say, “One hole is just like any other hole, Patti. Okay? Just be careful who gets into your hole.” In other words, when men stick it in, they don’t care who they’re stickin’ it into. That’s what the expression meant, so be careful before he sticks it in that he’s a real keeper and not a loser.
For successful, independent women like yourself, are there any qualities you advise similar women seek out and avoid when they’re looking for a match?
Men are intimidated by our success, our fame. I have a matchmaker that wanted to fix me up yesterday, and he was close to my age, and he was a good fit, everything was great, and then he said, “I don’t want anyone on TV,” because he thinks I’m the character on TV. And she said to him, “Listen, she’s not like that. She’s beta at home. She’s alpha at work.” You know, we have to do certain things to get ratings. We’re trained. It’s like we’re improvisation, and scripted gets the words, but we’re still actresses at the end of the f–kin’ day any way you look at it. So he said, well, he didn’t like the person he saw on camera. And she wrote me back and said, “It’s better if people did not follow your career.” I said, “So what’re you gonna do? Tell Julia Roberts and Angelina Jolie that it’d be better if men didn’t follow their careers?” Like, why am I being punished for being successful? And that’s the part I can’t get, because if a man was successful and he was a d–k like Mel Gibson, he would still get women at the end of the day.
It’s a double standard.
We get punished, and men get praised. That is unfair at the end of the day. We don’t know what to do about it. As you age, like Cher said, “It’s s–t.” Because you’re being judged by your age. You’re not a fine wine. We don’t revere age in this country. We toss them away.
So what projects do you have in the works right now?
Well, I have another coming on August 24, with WE tv, called Love Blows, which I actually am in, and I executive-produce, and it’s about a family of matchmakers in Chicago. I’ll lead them that night. I’ll be the 9 o’clock, and they’ll be the 10 o’clock.
- By Jami Ganz @jamiganz
Patti Stanger Would ‘Love’ To Bring Back ‘Millionaire Matchmaker’
Relationship guru and matchmaking expert Patti Stanger first rose to prominence on her hit Bravo show Millionaire Matchmaker, where her tell it like it is attitude about the world of love made her an instant hit with viewers.
Now she’s taking her candid advice on the road on her first tour ever called Patti Live, which will be an exciting, fully interactive dating and relationship experience where her goal will be to help improve the lives of audience members involved.
The show, which kicks off in Ridgefield, Connecticut on February 10, is for everyone… and no topic will be off limits. Patti will answer questions regarding everything from love to business, television, gossip and more.
Patti spoke to OK! about the upcoming show as well as who she thinks are some of the best and worst celeb matches, if Millionaire Matchmakerwill come back and more.
How did the idea for Patti Live come about?
It seems as if with all the dating apps and marriages falling apart that love has left the building and I’m here to bring it back. I wanted to come in and clean everybody’s a** up. The technology has changed, not the biology. I don’t hate the apps, I just feel like we are disconnecting and no longer connecting with each other. It’s getting worse and worse.
What can fans expect from the event?
This event is for everyone. I’ll be bringing couples up on stage and singles as well in hopes that someone will pick them up. I’ll also be discussing how I started my business in my underwear 13 years ago, how I got my TV show and more.
You have also talked about your psychic abilities. When did you discover this and how did it influence your career?
When I was a little girl I often knew who was going to die and who was going to get divorced. It started with my grandmother when she was going in to have hip replacement surgery and I told my mother she could die. My mom fluffed it off and said, “Don’t be ridiculous. It’s minor surgery and she’s in really good hands.” The anesthesia killed her three days later and she had complications from the surgery.
Then at my grandfather’s funeral, my cousin from my mother’s side and my cousin from my father’s side were flirting madly and I told them I felt like they were a little too friendly. Again, my mother brushed it off but they were having an affair which caused a huge rift in our family and became a civil war. As the years went on I would psychically see celebrities on the news and would know instinctively if they would work out or if they were getting engaged or get a part in a movie. Then when I became a matchmaker it helped me match my clients because I would instinctively know who was the perfect match for them and who wouldn’t work out for them. Years later I would study with many psychics and healers and learned how to hone my craft which led me to the Director of Marketing position at the Kenny Kingston Psychic Network and eventually my own spiritual practice.
Who do you think have been some of the best and worst celeb matches and why?
Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna. You could see their toxicity where they were not getting along and fighting every day. Chris Pratt and Katherine Schwarzenegger was beautifully done. Love Chris. Faith was the thing that got them. That was the glue.
No one thought Liam Hemsworth and Miley Cyrus was going to make it, and I thought they would. She was too crazy with the nakedness back in the day and he’s very conservative, and now that’s all settled. I think they will last and have babies soon.
Do you ever see The Millionaire Matchmaker coming back?
I would love to bring it back! Reboot 2.0 and go back to Bravo. I have some really cool ideas with it. I would also love to go international with Millionaire Matchmaker.
Any kind of men you are going for?
Sure, I love men from the U.K.
What’s going on in your love life… seeing anyone special?
No, not seeing anyone right now, but I am open to getting married and being a great stepmom.
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