- Maya Khamala
- “Most vaginas can expand to fit whatever size penis”
- 1. Foreplay, babies!
- 2. Did I mention lube?
- 4. Use a cock ring
- 5. Find a new position
- 6. Breathe
- 7. Use your hands
- 8. Communicate!
- They say size doesn’t matter – it’s what you do with it, right?
- Anger management
- Do you have a full length mirror at home ?
- How do I give an awesome blowie?
- Inflamed cervix
- Is it even possible for the penis to be too big?
- 1. Lubricate
- 2. Position, Position, Position
- 3. Intensity
- 4. COMMUNICATE!!!
- His penis is too big
- 20 Hard Truths About Penis Size
- 1. This is the average penis size.
- 2. Yes, there’s a correct way to measure a penis.
- 3. Extra large penises are a very, very small minority.
- 4. Women have a preference for larger than average penises.
- 5. Size matters for the female orgasm (in some cases).
- 6. Bigger is better—but not in the long-term.
- 7. The penises of gay men are larger—reportedly.
- 8. Smoking can reduce penile length by nearly a half inch.
- 9. Foot size is not a good predictor of penis size.
- 11. Penile length can be increased.
- 12. Oral Sex Brings Out Greater Size.
- 13. You can make your penis look larger by losing weight.
- 14. The penises in porn are outliers.
- 15. And their size is often beefed up.
- 16. Porn is warping our idea of normal.
- 17. Micropenises are quite rare.
- 18. Anxiety about penis size is not correlated with actual size.
- 19. Penises shrink over time.
- 20. A large penis wasn’t always desirable.
- Study: The typical erect penis is 5.1 inches
- ‘He did not request a fact-check on his dick size’
- Joe: 9inch parsnip
- Kris: 8inch aubergine
- Joe: 9.5inch carrot
- Albert: 10inch cucumber
- How To Have Sex If His Penis Is Too Big, Because Sometimes You Need To Put A (Penis) Ring On It
- What To Do When His Penis Is Just *Too* Big
- Never forget foreplay:
- Lube is your friend:
- Go slow:
- Perfect positions:
- Anal: Approach with caution
- Yes, a Penis Can Be Too Big to Fit Inside a Vagina—Here’s What to Do About It
- How Big is Too Big
A lot of men out there love to brag about their large dicks, or else are insecure about their less-than-gargantuan dicks. Mainstream porn has a hand in this. And a lot of women out there like to make it known, at least to their inner circles, that bigger is usually better, and that too small can be a problem.
I’d like to first acknowledge the fact that these tendencies are hyper focused on penetrative sex. Most of the best lovers I’ve had have been on the “small” side, according to the All-Knowing Penis Authority, but it was for precisely this reason that they’d honed their other loverly skills (in other words, learned to use the rest of their bodies too), something that “well-endowed” men could surely learn from, since many seem to depend on cock size alone to make their partners feel good (assuming they care about their partner’s pleasure, as they should!).
So, working on the tenuous assumption that your well-endowed loverman is loving you up right, can he still be straight-up too big to gain pleasureful entrance to your tropical paradise? Or are there ways to work it?
“Most vaginas can expand to fit whatever size penis”
Fit issues actually really affect a lot of relationships for the worse, because many can’t communicate about it openly, let alone deal with it. A 2014 study in Kenya even found that women were more likely to cheat when their guy had a larger penis, although I personally find this study to be muddled by other factors, but researcher Nicole Prause also did a study that found 2.6% of women ended a relationship in part because their partner had a penis they felt was too large.
But according to gynecologist and author Lauren Streicher, “given appropriate arousal and lubrication, most vaginas can expand to fit whatever size penis. I have not once seen a patient who hasn’t been able to successfully have intercourse after taking the proper steps to fix the problem.”
So, if your guy is longer or wider than average (3.61 inches flaccid, 5.16 inches erect, and girth-wise, 3.66 inches flaccid and 4.69 inches erect), sex can require a little more consideration, is all. In my experience, length can be much more of a challenge than girth.
All things considered, be sure to factor in these 8 tips for having penetrative sex regardless of the imposing nature of his penis:
1. Foreplay, babies!
You can’t skimp on it no matter what size he is. If you’re not turned on enough, it won’t work. But he has to know how you feel, so tell him. If he’s not welcoming of your communication, he might be a bad fit in more ways than one (ouch, right?). Don’t be afraid to involve lube and ask for continual stimulation. And having at least one orgasm (any way you like) before he enters you can help. As author Jenny Block puts it, “once you come, you are more open and wet and more able to accommodate a larger partner.” Whatever you do, don’t rush. No quickies. It’s not supposed to hurt, and don’t let anyone tell you differently, so stop if it does. Tearing is a painful possibility- but one that can be avoided.
2. Did I mention lube?
Coat your man’s penis with lots of lubricant. Don’t be shy. The aim here is to make him slip-slidey enough to glide right in. This won’t work if you’re not ready, or if the size differential is massive, but if you’re almost there and need a last bit of, er, guidance, lube can make the difference. According to sex educator Ellen Barnard, a snug condom may also help with the slide factor because it smooths everything out, so combined with lube, it may be a winner. And this goes double for anal, of course. Many women enjoy anal sex, even with a large partner. And some women find anal easier, craycray as that sounds. Just keep in mind that your anus has no natural lubricants, so you need to compensate for that.
4. Use a cock ring
I’ve never used one myself, but your guy can, in fact, buy and wear a cock ring that decreases the length of his shaft and, um, shortens the volume too. True story. But because the purpose of a cock ring is to restrict blood flow by keeping blood in the penis, it’s important to follow these helpful tips for using one properly. Hidden bonus: cock rings allow a man to get harder and stay that way longer. Plus, he may also have a more intense orgasm. Yum.
5. Find a new position
No matter your gender, everyone is differently shaped and sized. We’re complex beings with pleasure and pain centers in all kinds of surprising places. If length is the main issue, try positions that allow for full thrusting, but shallow penetration, such as the spooning position, or having him enter you while you’re flat on your stomach. Flat on your back may also work, but more so if your legs are together (some find great clit stimulation this way, too). Getting on top (whether on a bed or a chair) is also worth a try because it lets you control depth. The more your pelvis is tilted, the deeper he can go, so avoid slinging your feet over his shoulders or propping your butt up with pillows.
Pain from previous attempts, or fear/anticipation of present attempts can full-on make us tighten our pelvic floor muscles as a way of protecting ourselves. Our bodies look out for us, thankfully, even if we sometimes wish they’d let up. Work on doing whatever it takes to relax (this very likely means feeling good with your guy, enough so to trust him). Take deep breaths, or try breathing in and out together, Tantra-style. I once had a lover who was into this. You might be surprised how arousing it can be to simply breathe in sync with your man.
7. Use your hands
Particularly for oral sex, if he’s too large to take in fully, or even fit your mouth around, use your hands simultaneously, at his base, or lower down on his shaft. This way you can control how deep he goes and it also feels heavenly for him. Have fun experimenting with different hand-mouth stroking combos.
See #1. There isn’t a sexual problem in the world that can’t be overcome with strong communication and willingness on the part of both people—even if it means focusing more (or totally) on non-penetrative stuff. Make sure your partner is aware of your needs and you’re aware of his. Personally, I’ve had just one lover who falls into the “gasp-worthy big” category, and unfortunately, all the communication in the world couldn’t penetrate his obsession with the idea that his big cock was getting in the way of him finding a compatible lover. It absolutely wasn’t. The only thing standing in our way was his unwillingness to listen to what I was telling him I needed in order to relax and let him in.
Photo Source: Tony Futura
They say size doesn’t matter – it’s what you do with it, right?
Let’s be honest here. It is a common belief that BIGGER IS BETTER for us gals when it comes to penis size. What if your partner is absolutely huge, to the point where you are seriously worried that you may end up with an injury engaging in any form of sex.
An average penis in its resting state is roughly 9cm and when erect between 12 to 14cm. The circumference (again for an average) is 9cm when resting and can expand to 10-10.5 cm when erect.
Discussing Now on Ask SAHM
on 8:55am, 1 February 2020
Do you have a full length mirror at home ?
on 8:16am, 1 February 2020
How do I give an awesome blowie?
on 3:19am, 1 February 2020
on 12:37am, 1 February 2020
There are many stories of women who have felt like they were literally being torn, not being able to fit the penis in their mouth during oral sex, bleeding, or having the sensation that their cervix was being pushed up through their throat! Scary stuff indeed. Almost enough to put you off sex for good isn’t it? well …almost.
Is it even possible for the penis to be too big?
Physically speaking, all vaginas can accommodate all penises. After all, us gals are built for giving birth! However, that doesn’t mean that sex with a big schlong is comfortable or even pleasurable. In fact, I have heard of relationships ending because the man is too well endowed and the woman struggles to have regular sex when she is sore. So bigger certainly does not mean better!
In 2015, a Nigerian woman filed for divorce after one week because her new husband’s penis was too large.
She even resorted to taking medication to try and endure the pain during sex.
It all comes down to taking your time and getting a little creative. Let’s explore some options to assist you to start enjoying sex:
This may mean a taking a little longer to get you fully aroused allowing for vaginal lubrication to do its thing. Foreplay also relaxes the vagina, so it is more ‘willing’ you could say, to play the game. If you are feeling tense or even frightened, your body won’t be ready fully for intercourse – so take your time. Really, what better excuse for a little more attention on your lady bits?! Win-win. Using water-based lubrication may also assist with making sex more comfortable and less painful. Don’t forget that lubrication may need to be re-applied during intercourse to avoid chafing down there – ain’t no body got time for that!
You can pick up water-based lubricant at all shopping centres and service stations. Or you can be creatvive and think of different ways to lubricate *wink wink*
2. Position, Position, Position
If you’re planning on partaking in some horizontal tango with your partner, consider which sexual position will work best for you both. If your man is well endowed, often the positions which allow the woman to be more ‘in control’ of the action such as being on top are less painful. Sideways – think spooning with fries on the side is a great position as penetration can be controlled easily by the woman.
Missionary position although commonly knocked for being boring is a great option, as it allows slow thrusting and the woman can limit the depth of penetration simply by keeping her legs closer together – just don’t go throwing your legs over his shoulders though as there is absolutely no depth control and may lead to some pain if strong thrusting is happening. Positions such as Doggy Style are a ‘oh hell no-no’ as they provide deep penetration and that is really not advisable or pleasant if you’re dealing with a particularly large member.
Take it slowwwwww. Don’t go hell for leather from the get go. This could seriously shock and hurt, which is not going to make for a pleasureable experience for either of you. The man should enter carefully and slowly very slowly build intensity so the woman is not caught off guard.
Before, during and after sex – tell each other what is working and what isn’t. By all means, don’t stop mid-thrust to do a 15 debrief with notes – just gentle indicators to let your partner know that “– yes – that is freakin’ awesome, we can definitely go with that” or a simple ‘not so deep’ or ‘slower’. Remember the idea of sex is to both enjoy yourselves. If you’re enjoying it – you’re going to do it more often, who couldn’t be happier with that?!
If you have persistent pain during or after intercourse, it is recommended to speak to your gyno to rule out any medical conditions such as cysts or infections. So, with a little imagination, a little time, some understanding and a LOT of fun, being faced with the T-Rex of all penises doesn’t have to be that scary.
His penis is too big
Dear Dr. Myrtle,
I am with a new guy, who for the first time I thought could be “the one.” After a month and half of hand holding, kissing, and touching. I was ready to make love. He undresses me I undress him, and I get a “big” shock. I’m not trying to be funny, but his penis is so big his father had to be part horse! At first I was scared, but then I thought about the fact that a woman’s vagina gets big enough to have babies – plus, women in porno movie take those really big guys with no problem, so maybe I could do the same.
Well, I was sexually ready with foreplay, but he could only get a little of himself in me before I had to tell him, “STOP!” We even used KY Jelly, which helped very little. My question is: is there any way or anything I could use to make my vagina wider? Is there any thing a doctor can do? Can any woman’s vagina take any penis size? I would really hate to lose this great guy.
Oh my. It is true that some men are just too large for some women, which is why men’s desire for larger penises can be so off-base. There are things you can do to both stretch yourself, and prepare better for intercourse. However, it is possible that he will still only partially fit after all is said and done.
First, I want to suggest that you consider that there are many ways to make love with a man, and only one of them is vaginal intercourse. You can learn the many techniques of male genital massage (the DVD “Fire on the Mountain” shows dozens of different ways to massage men’s genitals pleasurably). Go get yourselves a bottle of a good personal lubricant, not KY – it dries out and gets sticky way too fast – and practice those massage techniques. If your breasts are large enough, some people enjoy inter-mammary intercourse (squeezing his penis between your breasts) and you can also have him rub, with lots of lubricant, between your closed thighs, but not necessarily into your vagina. So explore the alternatives, and enjoy the opportunity for the two of you to communicate about what you both enjoy, and how you both like to be touched.
While your vagina does stretch to let a baby out, keep in mind that it takes hours to get to that point, and also involves hormone changes and lots of pain. So, you probably don’t want to try to stretch your vagina as far as you would if you were giving birth. You can, however, work at conscious relaxation of your pelvic floor muscles, which will allow you to be more “open” and relaxed. To find your PC muscle, insert two fingers into your vagina and squeeze down on them. Those are the same muscles you are exercising if you do Kegel exercises. Now, contract, then relax those muscles. When you are getting ready to have intercourse with your partner, or even to work on stretching your vagina some, you will want to completely relax those muscles. It may help to take a deep breath and let it out as you try to relax.
He can help you with this next step. You are going to spend a lot of time getting aroused, and having him put his fingers into you. Remember not to have anything inserted into your vagina until you are quite aroused, and use extra lubricant (lots!). Once you are aroused, you can have him put his fingers in your vagina, stimulating your vulva and clitoris at the same time. As you get more aroused, have him put as many fingers as will fit comfortably into you. You can then practice breathing and relaxing, and have him stimulate you to orgasm, all the while keeping his fingers inside of you until your orgasm subsides. Each time you do this, have him flex his fingers as you relax, and have him add another finger as you can accept it. He can use both hands, or one hand. Continue on this way until you see if you can comfortably accommodate the number of fingers that are equivalent to the width of his penis.
When you try to have intercourse, use a condom and use a whole lot of lubricant on the outside of it. Again, choose a lube that is not oil, KY, or anything likely to dry out or get sticky. Have him slowly enter you, and just stay there, not thrusting. Either you or he should gently stimulate your clitoris while his penis is in your vagina, but he should not move unless you are comfortable.
Keep in mind that he may never be able to penetrate you deeply; some women have short vaginas, others are longer. You should always be in positions where you can control the depth of thrusting.
Take your time, talk a lot, and remember to never penetrate your vagina until you are quite aroused. Don’t feel bad if you need to add lubricant; many women don’t naturally lubricate enough for comfortable sex. And until you can comfortably have intercourse, remember that there are many other fun things you two can do with each other in the meantime.
20 Hard Truths About Penis Size
Why are we here? Does God exist? Why is there something rather than nothing? Truth be told, I spend very little time thinking about these larger existential questions because, as a man, I’m continually stuck on a different one of arguably equal importance: Does penis size matter? And what is the ideal penis size percentile to be in for sexual performance? Well, read on, brother, because we’ve compiled everything you need to know about what’s going on below the belt.
1. This is the average penis size.
Let’s get straight to it. The average penis size is 5.17 inches (14.2 centimeters) long when erect, and 4.9 inches in circumference when erect, according to a 2015 meta-analysis of 20 different studies published in the journal BJU International. That same study found that an erect penis of 6.3 inches is in the 95th penis size percentile; meaning that out of 100 men, only five would have a penis longer than 6.3 inches. Remember that these studies only took into account penises that have been measured by a medical professional. As we all know, we wouldn’t trust anecdotal evidence here.
2. Yes, there’s a correct way to measure a penis.
The proper way to measure a penis is to start from the top—or dorsal—side of the penis, where it meets the body (the pubo-penile junction). Get the proper—and more flattering—measurement by pushing the ruler into the pubic bone. Now, when it comes to circumference, measure at the base or midshaft, but not at the corona (the ridge of the penis head).
3. Extra large penises are a very, very small minority.
Only nine percent of men have a penis clocking in at longer than seven inches. If you have a seven-incher, the percentage of the population with a smaller penis than you is a whopping 91.3276667638 percent. If it’s bigger than eight inches, your penis is more sizable than 99.4963792682 percent of people on planet earth. As far as penis comparisons go, you should be proud of being in this top-tier penis size percentile!
4. Women have a preference for larger than average penises.
Researchers from the University of California and the University of New Mexico gave women 33 different-sized 3D penis models that were made of rigid, odorless, blue plastic to choose from. Then, they asked the 75 female study participants aged 18 to 65 to choose the model which represented their preferred penis size in a long-term partner.
The average response was 6.3 inches (16cm) in length and 4.8 inches (12.2cm) around. Interestingly, for a one-time sexual experience, the average plastic penis the women chose was slightly larger at 6.4 inches (16.3 cm) long and 5.0 inches (12.7cm) in circumference.
5. Size matters for the female orgasm (in some cases).
A 2014 study presented at the meeting of the Association for Psychological Science in San Francisco found that girth—not length—matters for one-time partners, but not for long-term ones. Scientists discovered that larger girths tend to bring the clitoris closer to the vagina during sex, which is believed to help women achieve orgasm. However, a 2012 study found that women who frequently experienced vaginal orgasms were more likely to prefer longer penises.
6. Bigger is better—but not in the long-term.
Women’s size preferences are actually different for flings and long-term partners. Eagled-eyed readers will have noticed that, in the last two studies, women had differing penis-size preferences for one night stands and long-term partners. Authors of the USC/UNM study theorized as to why: ” might prefer a larger penis for short-term sex partly so the increased physical sensation compensates for the reduced psychological connection.”
They added that bigger may not always be better in the long term because “vaginal intercourse always causes tears in the vaginal mucosa, so women might prefer a smaller penis less likely to stress their physiology for regular, long-term mates.”
7. The penises of gay men are larger—reportedly.
A study published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior found that erect gay penises tend to be a third-of-an-inch longer than those of their heterosexual counterparts. Scientists and suspect it might have something to do with prenatal hormones that affect the structure and size of genitalia, and certain structures of the brain that affect sexual orientation. Here’s the grain of salt to take with these results: the penis size was self-reported.
8. Smoking can reduce penile length by nearly a half inch.
If the prospect of lung cancer hasn’t caused you to give up those cigarettes, maybe this will. A study found that smokers’ penises are significantly smaller than nonsmokers. This is partly due to the damage wreaked on blood vessels by smoking. But Irwin Goldstein, M.D., director of San Diego Sexual Medicine, says that smoking “may cause damage to penile tissue itself, making it less elastic and preventing it from stretching.” So cut it out, man!
9. Foot size is not a good predictor of penis size.
In the aforementioned meta-analysis, characteristics such as BMI, foot size, index finger length, and testicle size were investigated in relation to penis length. The strongest and most consistent correlation with penis size—though no guarantee—was height.
11. Penile length can be increased.
If you want a longer penis and can deal with the reality of having your penis stretched for 4-6 hours per day for 4 months or more, you’re in luck. You can always try the “traction method,” where a penile extender stretches the penis. One study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that this somewhat medieval method resulted in an average increase of 0.9 in. (2.3 cm) in length while flaccid, and 0.67 in. (1.7 cm) while erect.
12. Oral Sex Brings Out Greater Size.
If you want a longer penis but don’t want to subject your penis to hours on the rack, you may be interested in a study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine which found that during oral sex, men reported larger penis measurements compared to other methods of arousal.
13. You can make your penis look larger by losing weight.
A study in The New England Journal of Medicine has it that between the ages of 25 and 44 both men put on an average of 3.4 percent of weight per year. This means if you are a 160 lb man you can expect to put on 5 lb annually. That gain can seem like a loss when you look in your drawers, because the pre-pubic pad of fat only is making the penis appear shorter because the base of the shaft is buried in the fat pad. If you’ve put on a few pounds and lost a little length, you could gain more of your old penis back with diet and exercise.
14. The penises in porn are outliers.
The large penis is ubiquitous in porn. More people are watching more porn than ever before. The net result is that porn has completely warped our concept of what’s “normal”, especially the perception of heterosexual males who may seldom encounter an IRL erection besides their own. Porn stars are a self-selecting group. Their larger-than-average proportions and their ability to achieve and maintain erections in front of a production crew makes them a truly extraordinary bunch. Why do you think you keep seeing the same handful of dudes show up in porn so often?
15. And their size is often beefed up.
Yes, porn penises are usually (but not always) larger than the five to seven-inch category that the super majority of men find themselves in. But don’t put too much stock in stats you find when trying to surmise a performer’s size. One well-known porn producer said that when it comes to cocks in porn the usual rule of thumb is: 7 inches equals 9 inches, eight inches equals ten inches and nine inches equals 12 inches. When asked about penises above 10 inches, he replied, “I’ve never seen one.”
16. Porn is warping our idea of normal.
Okay, so all that big-penis porn and exaggerated measuring is probably not helping a very common type of male body dysmorphia. Most men who seek treatment for the condition called “short penis” (smaller than 1.6 in. when flaccid and under 3 in. when erect) actually fall within normal penis size, according to one study. In a 2005 study published in the journal Urology of 92 men who sought treatment for short penis, researchers found that none qualified for the syndrome. When researchers looked at more than 50 studies spanning the course of 60 years, they found that 85 percent of women were satisfied with their partner’s penis size while only 55 percent of men felt good about their penises.
17. Micropenises are quite rare.
A micropenis is one that measures less than 2.5 standard deviations below the mean average when stretched. We’re talking less than around 2.75 inches. Only 0.6 percent of the population can boast of having a micropenis.
A 2013 study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine found even men who were average or above-average expressed feelings of inadequacy and self-consciousness when it came to their member. Penis anxiety was highest among gay, bisexual, and older men. It’s believed the prevalence of penis shame among gay and bisexual men could be attributed to the opportunities to compare body parts. In older men, that anxiety can be traced to the fact that…
19. Penises shrink over time.
It may be that case that, as you get older, your penis and testicles will become slightly smaller as you age. Blame it on the buildup of fatty deposits in your arteries reducing blood flow to your penis. This can cause withering of the muscle cells in the spongy tubes of erectile tissue inside your penis. But there’s more. Over time, scarring from repeated small injuries to your penis during sex or sports activities can cause scar tissue to build up. The buildup takes place in the formerly supple sheath that surrounds the spongy erectile tissues in your penis and may reduce the overall size and limit the size of erections.
20. A large penis wasn’t always desirable.
There’s a reason that statues of the great men of antiquity sport modest knobs. Large penises in ancient Greek art and literature are associated with foolish, lustful men, while the ideal Greek man was rational, intellectual and authoritative. And for more information on how to be great in bed, check out the 12 Things Men Should Always Do After Sex.
Study: The typical erect penis is 5.1 inches
Men worry — likely too much — about penis size. Seth Stephens-Davidowitz recently combed through Google search data in an article for the New York Times, and found that for every 100 questions about penises, there were 67 about the heart, 35 about hands, five about the brain, and two about lungs. Many of those questions focused on penis size.
Now researchers in the urology journal BJU International have provided the hardest answer to the question of typical penis size. They have published a meta-analysis of English-language studies measuring the penis size of more than 15,000 men across Asia, Africa, Europe, and the US. The median erect penis length, they find, is 5.1 inches — not six inches, as many think. If someone is above that, he’s bigger than most men. If someone is below that, he’s smaller than most men.
Perhaps more interesting is the narrow distribution of erect penis size. Most men are remarkably close to each other: 4.7 inches is in the bottom 25 percent, and 5.6 inches is at the top 25 percent. Very few people — those within the top 1 percent — reach 9 inches.
Researchers only counted studies in which a certain kind of measurement was taken (from the base of the penis to the tip) by health professionals, not self-evaluations. Studies were also excluded if they had any potential bias, such as participants who had some sort of penile abnormality, a complaint about penis size, or erectile dysfunction.
The analysis also found the research is conflicting and mixed on whether penis length correlates with weight, finger length, and foot size, likely indicating that there is no correlation between penis size and those measures. But studies did find a consistent link between penis size and height. Not enough studies met the researchers’ standards to gauge how penis size and race correlate.
There are some limitations to the study. It’s questionable how reliable measures were across different studies, and how factors like temperature, level of arousal, and time since previous ejaculation affected results. Some participants may have enrolled in the studies because they were confident in their size, skewing the numbers upward. To allow better analyses of the data, the researchers recommend controlling for these issues in future studies.
It’s also worth remembering that men seem to be more critical of their own penis size than women. A large internet survey of more than 52,000 heterosexual men and women found 85 percent of women were satisfied with their partner’s penis size, but 55 percent of men reported dissatisfaction with their own size. (Such preferences could vary in gay and bisexual communities.)
As health-care researcher Aaron Carroll said on his blog, “Everyone should stop worrying about this. I’d love to stop writing about it.”
Further reading: Sex myths: what’s real, what’s fake, and what still needs more science.
‘He did not request a fact-check on his dick size’
Q: I’m a middle-aged man dating a younger guy. He wanted to be a “boy” to a Dom top daddy, and I was happy to oblige. The sex is amazing, and we click as people, too. Then a couple days ago, he told me he wanted to explore small penis humiliation (SPH). I was taken aback—not by the request, but because his penis is NOT small! It’s not huge, but it’s at least average. And it’s thick! I’m not super hung, so it’s not that he seems small in comparison—I have maybe an inch on him. When I pointed this out, he claimed I was just trying to make him feel better about his small size! He said I was patronizing him. He ended the conversation by saying he would drop it, since it was obviously making me uncomfortable. Honestly, I am uncomfortable with it. I just can’t imagine bringing myself to go on about how small his dick is when I’m actually thinking how much that thing would hurt if he were to top me. But my bigger concern is that doing SPH might feed into possible body dysmorphia. The way he reacted to being told his penis wasn’t small was a red flag—it told me this isn’t just a fantasy. It’s not that he wants to be made to FEEL it’s small; he really believes it is small. How is this different from telling a skinny boyfriend what a big fat pig he is? I really like this guy, and I think this could go somewhere. I want to be GGG, but not at the cost of his mental health. —Need Objectivity, Savage, Please Help!
A: “The boy expressed a desire to play out a specific scene; he did not request a fact-check on his dick size,” said Dr. Reece Malone, a board-certified sex therapist with a doctorate in human sexuality. “The boy’s disappointment is understandable, especially if he was feeling hopeful that the request would be met with enthusiasm and mutual excitement.”
Your boy was probably nervous when he brought SPH up, NOSPH, and his reaction to your reaction—his complaints about feeling patronized, his demand to drop the subject—was likely motivated by shame. Not shame about the size of his dick, but shame about this particular kink. He was open with you about other kinks right away, but sharing those kinks probably didn’t make him feel as vulnerable as sharing this one did. He held SPH back until he felt he could really trust you. And after he worked up the nerve to tell you about his biggest turn-on, your response was to argue with him about whether his dick is small enough to qualify him for SPH play. “I think it’s important that NOSPH revisit the conversation to examine if his reaction felt shaming,” said Dr. Malone.
“While I appreciate NOSPH’s concerns,” continued Dr. Malone, “SPH scenes don’t require one to have a small dick. It’s engaging in the role-play itself that’s hot and exciting. It really is no different if a daddy’s skinny boyfriend wanted to engage in a fantasy where the thought of being a ‘big fat pig’ was hot and exciting for him.”
Now, if he had a history of bulimia, telling him he’s a “big fat pig” could be harmful; likewise, if he had a history of bigorexia, telling him he’s a “skinny little shit” could be harmful. Your boyfriend may have a distorted idea about average dick size—most likely distorted by porn—but odds are good he’s one of millions of people out there who have eroticized their anxieties and insecurities. So long as he isn’t contemplating some dangerous or stupid way to make his cock bigger (like getting liquid silicone injected into his genitals, something that led to the death of a gay man in Seattle last year), you can engage in SPH without doing him harm.
“But NOSPH should ask more questions and engage in a dialogue on how his boy wants the scene played out, and if and how it would change their sexual dynamic overall,” said Dr. Malone. “It’s also fair for NOSPH to share his own concerns about feeding into body dysmorphia. He also has the right to set boundaries or decline the scene altogether.”
Agreed! Limits and boundaries aren’t just for subs, bottoms, or slaves. Doms, tops, Masters, and Mistresses get to have limits and set boundaries, too. If you can’t go there, you aren’t obligated to go there. But it might make you feel better about going there, NOSPH, if you bear in mind that you can mock his tiny cock (during sex play) and reassure him about his cock (during aftercare). If your boy doesn’t feel like he has to win an argument about how small his cock is to get the SPH he wants, he might be willing to admit—or finally be willing to accept—that his cock isn’t really that small.
You can learn more about Dr. Malone and his work at reecemalone.com.
Q: I’m a gay man in my late 20s finishing up a graduate program and dating a man who is 38. The sex is great. Some context: We met on Scruff and dated for a little bit. Then I suffered a loss in my family—I was sad and confused, and didn’t want a relationship during this time. We talked again in June 2018, we went to Pride in Minneapolis, and we have been together since December 2018. Recently he hinted about children and my attitude toward children. I responded that I want to have children of my own someday. However, in a text, he stated that he wants a child in a year or two. This seemed like an ultimatum to me, one that could make or break this relationship, and I wonder why he kept this from me. I do want children, but I’m still a starving student, a child is a huge responsibility, and I worry about the state of the world. And he texted this information to me! I feel anxious and pressured. What do I need to do? —Text Ultimatum May Unravel Loving Ties
A: Maybe you need to chill the fuck out, TUMULT.
People put their long-term goals on the table when they start getting serious about someone—long-term goals like the places they’d like to live or the kids they’d like to have—because if you’re not on the same page about the big stuff, continuing to make a large emotional investment in the relationship sets both partners up for heartbreak. And while you seem to think he should have brought kids up sooner (or in person, which definitely would’ve been better), people who bring up kids on the first date don’t get many second dates. Six months in is a perfectly reasonable time to bring kids up.
And where you see an ultimatum, TUMULT, I see an opening—the opening of negotiations. Your boyfriend would like to be a parent in a year or two. You would also like to be a parent, but not that soon. So make your counteroffer. If two years is too soon, tell him when you think you might be ready. Three years? Four? After you land a job in your field? After President Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez signs the Green New Deal into law?
All your boyfriend is saying—all he’s texting—is that he sees a future with you and wants to know if you’re on the same page about the big stuff. It’s a compliment, TUMULT, not an ultimatum. And while there’s no compromising about whether to have kids—you can’t have half a kid (not legally)—you can hammer out a compromise about when to have kids. v
Download the Savage Lovecast every Tuesday at savagelovecast.com.
I recently started seeing a guy, and although his penis is magnificent and huge, it’s an even huger problem. I’m a petite woman, and so far sex with him has been very painful. I’ve managed to get through it multiple times, but I’m always incredibly sore afterward.
Is there anything I can do to lessen the pain, or is the fact his penis is too big something I’ll have to get used to?
Sex is not something you want to just get through—you want to enjoy it as much as possible! Although men are usually worried about their penis being too small, more women actually inquire about how to enjoy a larger-than-average member. Thankfully there are ways to maneuver around any penis size for a pleasurable experience, not a painful one.
This guy doesn’t want to hurt you; he wants you to feel good during sex. Let him know that sex has been painful because he’s just so big. That way, you can work together on making things more enjoyable for the both of you (and it’ll stroke his ego a bit too).
Prepare With Foreplay
If you already engage in foreplay before you have sex, double up on it. The more time that is spent on you and your pleasure, the more aroused you’ll be, and the more your body will be ready to brave his beautiful penis. Even if wetness isn’t your issue, adding extra lubrication to the action for more comfort never hurts.
Assume the Position
The name of your game here is shallow thrusting positions. These will prevent him from hitting your cervix, which may be what’s causing you pain. The closer your legs are to each other, the less likely he’ll go too deep, making the Coital Alignment Technique (or CAT) position an excellent choice if you’re keen on missionary. Woman-on-top is also a great position because it puts you in control of how far he enters you, how you move, and at what speed.
Sex is supposed to be fun and pleasurable for all people involved, so you should never have to brace yourself to just “take it.” Speak up, spend more time on foreplay, and work those positions. You’ll be ready to take on that magnificent member in no time.
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MANY men crave a larger willy – but is bigger always better?
Recently a Sun reader wrote to Dear Deidre saying his large penis was destroying his relationship.
9 One reader recently asked Dear Deidre for advice on his large penisCredit: Getty – Contributor
He told how his girlfriend doesn’t enjoy sex and it takes her a week to recover from one session.
So how big is too big? A recent survey found the average UK penis is 6.36in, with the biggest ones found in Wales, where they average 6.56in. Meanwhile it emerged that under a Scotsman’s kilt is an average of 6.45in.
Georgette Culley hears from three well-endowed men and their partners, while a single bloke tells what it’s like living with a ten-incher and a sex therapist gives her view.
Joe: 9inch parsnip
PHOTOGRAPHER Joe O’Brien, 31, lives with his long-term partner, make-up artist Jasmine Jones, 24, in Wellingborough, Northants.
9 Joe O’Brien says his large willy has made him more confidentCredit: Olivia West – The Sun
HE SAYS: “I’ve never known any different but according to statistics, in the UK my willy is well above average at nine inches.
“To me, size does matter. Mine has made me confident in every aspect of life, from getting changed in the gym to impressing a new sexual partner. I’ve never had to worry about my size or about getting naked.
“I think this is why I’ve always had a healthy sex life and a lot of sexual partners.
“But men shouldn’t get hung up on their size. Everybody likes different things in the bedroom and communication is the key to a successful relationship.
“But for me, it’s a pleasure knowing I can please Jasmine with my goods.”
9 Partner Jasmine says Joe’s penis is the perfect sizeCredit: Olivia West – The Sun
JASMINE SAYS: “Joe is the largest I’ve been with, but it’s no problem. To me he’s the perfect size, and it’s definitely improved our sex life.
“With a bigger size you can be more adventurous and experimental in bed and you don’t need to rely on foreplay as much. Having had some pretty unmemorable sexual experiences, I often didn’t enjoy sex much until I met Joe.
“I believe his size is one of the things that makes him feel more confident, both in his body and in his general outlook on life.
“And I’m sure many women would agree, confidence is a very attractive quality in a man.”
Kris: 8inch aubergine
BOOKIE Kris Dixon, 23, lives with partner Sydnie Bradbury, 21, and their one-year-old daughter in West Drayton, Middlesex.
9 Kris Dixon says having a big willy has resulted in experiences that have scarred himCredit: Olivia West – The Sun
HE SAYS: “I’ve had girls who have refused to have sex with me because my penis is too big – around eight inches when erect.
“One even needed hospital treatment because I accidentally injured her down below. All these experiences really scarred me.
“Having a big penis doesn’t mean sex will be good for the woman. After all, it’s not the size of the ocean, it’s the motion.
“I envy guys with an average-size penis. Six inches would be more than enough for me, but with Syd’s help we’ve managed to make my size work for us.
“My advice to big men who worry about injuring their partner is take it slow and maximise foreplay.”
9 Partner Sydnie reveals it was a big shock when she first saw Kris’s penisCredit: Olivia West – The Sun
SYDNIE SAYS: “Kris’s penis is like a big vegetable and I nearly died of shock when I saw it.
“At first, sex was tough and we had to use lots of lube, and even then it was still painful.
“With a bigger penis you have to experiment with lots of positions. The best for me is on top, so I can control it.
“When we first met, Kris was worried about his size and feared he’d hurt me, especially as past partners have been too scared to have sex.
“This caused a complex and it took us a while to enjoy sex. Now our sex life is great but we have to be careful. People presume only small guys have complexes, but Kris’s size affected him too.”
Joe: 9.5inch carrot
RIDING instructor Joe Hutchins, 23, from Penryn, Cornwall, is partnered with student Tally Hopkins, 22.
9 Joe Hutchins has had girls burst into tears from pain during sexCredit: Olivia West – The Sun
HE SAYS: “Growing up, I always had to get trousers tailored around the crotch area.
“Over the years I learnt how to position my penis when I’m horse riding, but it still causes me a lot of pain when I’m showjumping.
“Women can have breast reductions, but men can’t have penis reductions.
“I’ve always been very gentle with partners. I’ve had girls burst into tears from pain during sex.
“Tally has been amazing and patient. My advice to other guys with this problem is to not be embarrassed and seek help.”
9 Partner Tally took up yoga to help her have sex with JoeCredit: Olivia West – The Sun
TALLY SAYS: “Before I met Joe I’d never had sex with a man whose penis was above six inches.
“When I felt his bulge for the first time it was terrifying. We tried to have sex but it was too painful and we had to stop.
“Joe was very understanding and a few days later we tried again, but it was no good. I was crying in pain.
“We saw a GP who explained that just seeing a well-endowed man can be scary, as you can create a mental block and freeze.
“She advised me to do yoga, to become more flexible and strengthen my pelvic floor muscles, and to try different positions. She also said always to use lube and try a numbing cream initially.
“After four weeks of yoga, I’d loosened up and we had sex for the first time. Now our sex is good and his size doesn’t scare me.”
Albert: 10inch cucumber
SINGLE builder Albert Pritchard, 34, from Romford, Essex, reckons his size is ruining his sex life and he can’t get a girlfriend because of it.
9 Albert and his ex-girlfriend broke up because of his large willyCredit: Olivia West – The Sun
HE SAYS: “I have a ten-inch penis and it has wrecked a lot of my relationships. I have a high sex drive but women say sex with me is too sore for them, particularly in positions such as doggy style – which is my favourite.
“It became such a problem in one of my relationships that we were arguing about it all the time and it completely ruined our intimacy.
“Every day when I looked down it was like a big reminder of what we were missing. In the end we broke up, blaming big differences – excuse the pun.
“Another girl I was seeing tried so hard to accommodate me that we even went to a sexual health clinic for help.
“A nurse told us to make sure we incorporated lubricant into our sex life, but it took a lot of the joy and passion out as a result, as we always felt like we were preparing for a surgical operation beforehand.
9 The builder says other men don’t realise the problems being well endowed can causeCredit: Olivia West – The Sun
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“I always get a lot of stares from other men when I’m getting changed at the gym. They might be looking at me with envy but they wouldn’t if they knew the problems it caused.
“I also have to be careful with the boxers and trousers I buy – too small and I can be really uncomfortable.
“I guess sometimes less is more.”
Solving big problems
SEX therapist Louise Van Der Velde writes:
Big willies can be a real problem in the bedroom. I’ve treated lots of couples with this problem.
People assume only men with small packages feel inadequate, but so do men well above the average size.
The stress can cause women to mentally dread having sex.
This causes them to seize up, which is the worst thing that can happen, as it then makes it even harder to have sex.
I’d encourage couples to engage fully in foreplay, making massage a part of their loving, and urge the men to go very slow and add lots of lubricant.
Average penis sizes from around the world
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How To Have Sex If His Penis Is Too Big, Because Sometimes You Need To Put A (Penis) Ring On It
Men love to brag about the size of their penis, whether they’re well-endowed or not, but can his penis be too big? Some say bigger is better but ultimately there CAN be too much of a good thing — especially if you are the one it’s being thrust into. But what can you do?
Fit issues can seriously affect relationships because a lot of couples don’t know how to overcome it – or how to talk about it. So much so that it can even lead to infidelity.
“One study from Africa reported that women were more likely to have an outside partner when their male partner had a larger penis. We found that 2.6 percent of women in one of our studies ended a relationship with a partner, in part, because their partner had a penis they felt was too large,” says Nicole Prause, Ph.D.
The most important thing is not to force a fit. If intercourse is painful and the usual issues (e.g., being sufficiently aroused, lubrication, etc.) have been addressed, consider the possibility that you may need to engage in activities other than intercourse to be intimate. “I realize that many people consider intercourse the ideal, but there are really no data suggesting that there is anything particularly special about methods of partnered orgasm,” says Prause.
When your partner has a particularly large penis, lube and plenty of stimulation are your best friends. “Your best bet is to have at least one orgasm prior to penetration. It can be from oral sex or masturbation or using a toy, whatever you like,” says Jenny Block, author of O Wow: Discovering Your Ultimate Orgasm . Once you come, you are more open and wet and more able to accommodate a larger partner.
O Wow: Discovering Your Ultimate Orgasm , $11, Amazon
2. Take It Slow
Taking it slow and using lube can also ease the way. If it hurts, stop. Tearing is a definite and dangerous possibility. OUCH. “But if you take your time and make sure you are properly lubricated and extremely aroused, you will have a much better chance of making it work,” says Block.
3. Put a ring on it
A penis ring, that is. He can purchase and use a penis ring which, when worn, reduces the length of his shaft and shortens the volume for intake, says Dr. Fran Walfish, Beverly Hills family and relationship psychotherapist.
4. Use Lube. Lots Of lube.
Use silicone lubricant and lots of it, to coat the penis and make the surface slippery enough to slip right in. This won’t work you are really tight, but if things are just a bit snug, this can make a big difference, says sex educator Ellen Barnard, MSSW. A snug-fitting condom on him will also smooth out the wrinkly bits and the combination of tight latex and silicone lube makes it a slip-and-slide sausage.
Work on relaxing and breathing deeply, especially if you’ve tried to have intercourse multiple times and experienced pain each time, says Barnard. Pain makes us tighten the pelvic floor muscles to protect the vagina from…pain. It’s a tough cycle.
6. Try New Positions
Finding the right positions can be very helpful, and that will differ among couples. If length is the only issue, the spooning position usually works, as does her flat on her stomach. Her flat on her back works too if her legs are together on the bed (added bonus is the clit can be better stimulated this way). But this last position can be challenging for the man, especially if either of them are a bit overweight. Occasionally a woman will find anal to be easier, as counterintuitive as that sounds.
If you find he’s too long, try sex positions that allow for full thrusting, but shallow penetration, says Dr. Jess, Astroglide’s Resident Sexologist.
7. Give Him A Hand
If he’s more than a mouthful bring your hands into the act the next time you have oral sex. This gives him continuous sensation and gives you control of how deep he goes into your mouth, says Katrina “Rainsong” Messenger. Experiment with different strokes in your hand-mouth combo.
There is a such a thing as too big – or at least too big for certain women — and there is no shame in saying, “That’s just not for me.”
Since you say that sex always hurts at least a little, it’s likely that you’re not producing enough below-the-belt lubrication. To play it safe, you might want to visit your gyno to rule out any medical problems, such as cysts or infections. But, there’s a good chance that you just don’t engage in foreplay long enough to become adequately aroused. Next time you and your guy are getting busy, take it slow. Have him lavish attention on all your hot spots, with plenty of genital touching and tongue teasing. And, make sure you apply some water-based lube to your vagina or his shaft right before he enters you.
That said, the reason you experienced such severe pain with your new man was probably plain old fear. It sounds like the eye-opening encounter of seeing his “huge” member for the first time freaked you out a bit. Anticipating discomfort causes your muscles — even your vaginal ones — to tense up, making penetration more difficult. So, in addition to extended foreplay and extra lube, it might also help if he gives you a long, sensual all-over massage before intercourse, which will turn you on and mellow you out.
When it comes to doing the deed, you’ll have an easier time accommodating your man’s large penis if you stick with positions that keep his thrusts shallow while sending you both into maximum overdrive. The woman-on-top pose is a good one to try because it lets you control the depth of penetration. Have him lie flat on his back and hover over him on your hands and knees while sliding him inside you. Move your hips in circular motions as you glide up and down, only going as deep as you can handle. Or, have him sit on a chair with no arms. Then simply straddle his lap, either facing toward him or away from him, and use your feet and thigh muscles to pump away.
You can also try the missionary, but remember that the more your pelvis is tilted, the deeper the penetration, so none of that feet-over-his-shoulders, pillows under your butt stuff. Also, the further apart your legs are, the further he can thrust, so keep your thighs together. Not only will it prevent him from plunging in too far, it can also make for some out-of-this-world clitoral/penile friction. And don’t forget, lubrication can come and go. So, be sure to keep adding the slick stuff as needed.
What To Do When His Penis Is Just *Too* Big
Knowing how to go about enjoying his gifted genitalia without hurting your own takes a bit of practice. There’s a few important things to know when you’re getting down to it so that you can make sure his penis gives you nothing but pleasure.
We talked to Annabelle Knight, Sex expert at Lovehoney for her advice on how to handle him when his penis is just too big.
If you thought that your boyfriend’s oversized penis was a bad thing then think again. This advice will see you totally satisfied.
Never forget foreplay:
Foreplay has never been more important to your sex life than when your man’s penis is too big.
Most of the time women take a little longer to get fully aroused and ready for penetration than men and your levels of arousal are key to your enjoyment of sex – on an emotional and physical level.
It just makes sense, if things aren’t a-flowin’, sex won’t be mind-blowin’.
Foreplay will naturally relax the muscles of your vagina and provide some natural lubrication to ease him in, so it will be much easier for him to enter you without hurting you.
So if you ever needed an excuse before – this is it now. Make sure that you’re relaxed and raring to go by him spending time on your hot spots with his tongue, fingers and lips.
But if this still isn’t enough to get you going, you might need to turn to our next tip. Also don’t be intimidated when your natural juices come and go, it’s totally natural. If you need a little extra help just reach for your new friend – KY Jelly.
Lube is your friend:
One of the top tips you can take on board is to make lubrication your bedroom companion. Gone are the days when lube was just a sticky mess in a weird tube. Now it’s the key to some OMG orgasms.
There are loads of lubes on the market and making use of a good lubricant is key to helping soften those blows.
Annabelle says: “Invest in some good quality lubricant. Most lubes only cost a fiver but they can make a real difference to your pleasure. A good lubricant will sensually hydrate you and soothe your skin. It will allow you to enjoy more sex if your man is well hung without feeling sore afterwards.”
When you’re ready to actually have sex then work in some lubrication to your foreplay. With lube in your hands, rub up and down his shaft to drive him wild while preparing him for entry.
He can also do the same to you and work in some extra lubrication as his penis teases around your clit and other areas.
Annabelle says for men with a long length, it’s crucial that they go slow.
“For most women, the problem they have with well-endowed men is when they have excessively long, rather than excessively fat, penises.
“As a basic rule, girth is good. If your guy has a lot of length, there is a chance that he can cause you pain by hitting your cervix during penetration which feels like a period pain and is not pleasant.”
So if you think that’s why your sex sessions cause you to get sore then make sure he takes his time.
“Guys should remember that they must not rush in like a bull in a china shop. Take your time and be gentle,” she says.
“Most of the nerves in a woman’s vagina from which we derive all our pleasure are in the first three inches and the G-spot is typically two inches into a woman’s vagina – so guys don’t need a lot of length to reach all the crucial area.”
Get him to work on that G-spot for a while and then as your enjoyment increases, you can try going deeper. Which brings us on to our next tip.
A big penis is not a bad thing as long as you know which positions are best for accommodating his package. The basic principle is to have as much control as you can, which means positions where you’re on top make for the best sex.
Annabelle says: “My favourite with a well-hung guy is when the girl goes on top. You use your thighs to control the levels of penetration – that way you get a good work-out at the same time. Great sex and toned thighs – what more could a girl ask for!”
“Another good position is on your knees – again here you are in control and can determine how far you lower yourself on to him,” she adds.
But obviously not everyone wants to hop on top so for all you girls who like it best lying down, Annabelle has a little tip.
“There is another trick you can do where the woman hooks her legs and ankles around her partner so that she is in control and can determine just how deeply he penetrates. The key is the woman being able to manipulate his behaviour so that it fits with her body.”
You can see step by steps of all the positions that are best for an XXL penis right here.
Find a position that suits you both. This is entirely up to you as a couple – talk to each other and experiment with various positions and you will soon work out which ones work best.
Despite all of this, Annabelle says that with simple communication no position is out of bound – in theory.
“You should both remember: no position is out of bounds, even doggy. Everything is workable if you are communicating well and responding to the wishes of your partner. The female body is pretty elastic and can accommodate guys of varying sizes.”
It’s just what works best for you and your partner so experiment and keep mixing up your positions until you find some that work for you both. Oh life can be so hard, we know…
Anal: Approach with caution
Anal sex and an 8-incher just spells out pain for us but it doesn’t for everyone. Lots of women enjoy anal sex with guys with big penises but one thing Annabelle does recommend is to go slow, even slower than usual.
“Go slowly and gently, especially when you are first trying it out. You definitely need to be relaxed to enjoy good anal sex,” she explains.
As well as this, just remember that trusty lube. Anal sex without good lubricant just spells for disaster.
“It is worth remembering that your anus has no real natural lubricants – unlike the vagina. You need a lubricant, which is going to stick, cover a wide area and stay on while you are having sex. Try the Fifty Shades of Grey At Ease Anal Lubricant – if it worked for Anastasia Steele, I am sure it will work for you!” she adds.
“Don’t be defeatist. There isn’t a sexual problem in the world that cannot be overcome with understanding and good communication.”
So just make sure your partner is aware of your needs and you’re aware of his and you both should be able to enjoy a happy, healthy sex life.
Yes, a Penis Can Be Too Big to Fit Inside a Vagina—Here’s What to Do About It
Considering that the vagina is designed to stretch so much that another human can pass through it, you’d think it could easily fit any size erect penis. At rest, the vaginal canal measures 3.7 inches long, on average. But when you’re sexually aroused, it elongates, lubricates, and expands—so even sex with an XL guy is slippery and comfy.
But as it turns out, sometimes a penis can be too big to fit inside a vagina.
“It’s a very rare situation, there are some men that are so endowed it makes certain positions difficult or painful,” Christine Greves, ob-gyn at the center for obstetrics and gynecology at Orlando Health, tells Health. The average erect penis comes in at 5.1 inches, but even a man who is a couple of inches larger can be hard to, well, accommodate. (For the record, the largest erect penis clocks in at more than 13 inches…yikes.)
RELATED: What Makes a ‘Good-Looking Penis,’ According to Science
Another penis-vagina fit issue has to do with a woman’s age. In your 20s, 30s, and 40s, your estrogen levels are naturally high, which keeps vaginal tissue supple. That makes the vagina pretty expandable and less sensitive, says Dr. Greves.
But once you hit menopause, your body’s estrogen output takes a dive. With less natural lubrication, an average or larger penis might have a tough time time fitting in without causing pain and friction for both the man and the woman.
It’s also possible that just as some penises are on the small side, some vaginas might be, too. An exceptionally large penis, then, would be a mismatch for a small vagina. “Some vaginas are larger than others…so I would think it’s based on an individual basis,” said Dr. Greves.
RELATED: 7 Things He’s Doing That Could Be Messing With His Penis
Okay, what are you supposed to if your v isn’t comfortably accommodating his p? Extra foreplay can help; the more aroused you are, the more lubrication your body can produce, which can make things slippery and stretchy. Store-bought lube is also a good idea.
Stick to sex positions that put you in control, like woman on top or reverse cowgirl. When you’re in charge of the depth and speed, he won’t be able to go so deep or thrust so fast that it doesn’t feel good. Positions that keep your legs wide can also help, since that can elongate the vagina.
If the problem stems from menopause, “what I recommend for my post-estrogen women is an estrogen cream and a vaginal dilator. Try to get a dilator similar to the size of the man. And with lubrication, you could see if that could accommodate ,” Dr. Greves says. If you’ve tried several tactics but nothing seems to work, it can’t hurt to check in with your ob-gyn, she advises.
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How Big is Too Big
You’ll almost never hear a guy complain that his penis is too big. If you do, it’s because his partner is uncomfortable with it, it’s so big that he’s losing consciousness when he gets an erection, or he’s trying to wear outfits that suggest he doesn’t have one. But usually men are concerned about whether their penis is large enough. Often, their sense of identity is closely tied to the size of their penis and their ideas about it.
As more and more people are getting their sex ed and ideas about human anatomy from porn, I see an increasing number of men who think that their penis is too small. They may the point that guys in porn films are usually chosen because of their size, their ability to get it up and keep it up, and their comfort in being able to do sex scenes with twenty people standing around and sometimes breaking for lunch.
Although there is a great deal of variation, the average penis when erect is about 5 1/2 – 6 inches long. Considering that the average vagina is about 3 inches deep, an average size guy will certainly be able to reach her cervix with his erection. Even when she is aroused and the vagina expands another inch or so, it still isn’t as deep as the length of the average guy. And for men that are enjoying anal sex, it only takes about 4 inches to stimulate the prostate with anal penetration.
But back to the problem of being too big. When you ask women, most would agree that girth is usually more important than length when it comes to enjoying being vaginally penetrated. This is because of all of the erectile tissue that surrounds the opening of the vagina which is stimulated when she is penetrated. The average width of an erect penis is about 4 3/4 inches around. Usually it isn’t until about over 6 inches in circumference that some partners will start to feel it becomes a little challenging.
If a guy is too wide, it could be quite uncomfortable for her, especially if it causes too much stretching of the labia. When a woman is premenopausal, she has more elasticity of the tissues, which allows them to stretch gradually to whatever she needs. This becomes more difficult after menopause because of the decrease in both estrogen and testosterone. If her partner is quite wide, she may need to learn some relaxation breathing as well as learn to relax her PC muscles and use plenty of lube. This should be done gently, and at her pace to prevent tearing of the tissues. The same is true for the bottom in anal sex (the one being penetrated) if the top has a wide erection. Girth also becomes an issue if a man’s erect penis is too large to fit in one’s mouth, which could seriously place limits on the amount of oral sex he can receive.
When it comes to length, a woman’s vagina stretches during intercourse. But many times women find it uncomfortable to be knocked about by the head of her partner’s penis if he is thrusting too deep at an uncomfortable angle. If she has pain with deep penetration, she may have endometriosis that forms scar tissue which prevents stretching of the tissues. Otherwise, you may be hitting her cervix a little too directly. Changing the angle by changing positions could be helpful. In considering long erections for oral sex, it is important to remember that the tip of the erection and the area just below the head are the most sensitive parts. This means that a man does not have to have his entire erection completely in his partner’s mouth in order to get a good blow job. If he does like to have it completely taken into the mouth, he is probably more excited with the visual image and the idea of it getting completely enveloped rather than the actual physical sensation.
Too big usually comes down to the comfort level of the partner. If it seriously interferes with the amount of sexual intercourse a man gets, then he would probably consider himself too large. If you have a very large penis, give your partner time to lube, relax, and stretch. Breathing and getting very aroused are extremely important. You almost never find a penis so large that a man would pass out when erect. That would require about a liter of blood to be displaced by his erection alone, and his body would already have accommodated over time by maintaining a larger than average blood volume. But it is interesting to think about.
That said, there are exceptions. “Sometimes, it can seem like a penis is too big for a woman’s vagina. And if that’s the case, the important thing is that you need to figure out why it’s happening – because it can be solved,” says Streicher.
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There are two big reasons that your man-parts can seem too large. First, she may not be turned on enough. Really. “If a woman is not aroused, it’s very possible that a penis may not go in,” says Streicher. Or if it does, it could hurt or bleed or cause tearing. To fix this problem, be sure she’s lubricated enough before you enter her. Make sure you engage in some serious foreplay before the main act, or use lubricant to get things going.
Another possibility is that certain medications could be making her vagina a little dehydrated – and she may not even realise it. “Many low-dose birth control pills cause vaginal dryness, as well as antihistamines and even cancer treatments, like radiation,” says Streicher. So if she continues to be dry down there – even if you aren’t skimping on the foreplay – ask her to check in with her doctor or gyno to see if one of the medications she’s taking is messing with her sex life.
The important thing to focus on here is that this is a solvable situation. As long as you follow the above advice, you are not doomed to a sex-less existence if your penis seems too large. “I have not once seen a patient who hasn’t been able to successfully have intercourse after taking the proper steps to fix the problem,” says Streicher.