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Top 10 Reasons for Relationship Break-Ups

Source: SFIO CRACHO/

Here are 10 primary reasons why breakups and divorces happen, and 10 ways to avoid them.

1. Bad behaviors.

Maybe when you were young, it was cool to be “bad,” but as an adult, especially if you have a family, those old behaviors, whatever they may be (smoking, drinking, chewing tobacco, or spending your children’s college tuition on Botox or fantasy football), have to stop. If you can’t do it on your own, your next step is rehab. Start now, and by next year you may be a new person.

2. Cheating.

So you have broken the most sacred of vows (if you are married) and, married or not, probably broken the heart of your significant other, along with his or her trust. That’s really a hard thing to rebuild, but it can be done. The trick is to avoid this pitfall in the first place. Give up even the idea of sex with other people completely, and your mate will become far more attractive.

3. Misdirected anger.

How many times have you had a lousy day at work and come home in a bad mood? Guess what: That isn’t fair, and it’s going to damage your relationship. Coming home and bringing a bunch of negative energy inside with you can only make things ugly. You can get the soothing you need and have your mood changed in a few moments by just asking for a hug and saying, “Honey, I’ve had a rotten day.”

4. Being unsupportive.

If you cannot support the one you love when he or she is down, or stressed because of some life event, you are communicating that it’s not worth your time and energy. This makes your loved one feel invalid. If you can’t be there for your other half, and don’t care to change, it’s time to leave. If you want to keep your relationship, learn to be supportive.

5. Toxic people.

If you have friends that your partner can’t stand, it can be one of two things: Either there’s a control issue involved here, or these individuals are negative and should not be in your lives. If it’s a control issue (on one or both your parts), you should see a counselor together. If your “friends” engage in bad behaviors or are disrespectful to your mate, you need to find some new people to hang out with.

6. Withholding affection and attention.

When you are not affectionate with the person who loves you, he or she is eventually going to stop asking for affection. After being turned down enough times, we become too embarrassed to ask. I’m not talking about sex—just attention, like hand holding or cuddling on the couch. If you’d like more intimacy in your relationship, this is the place to start, slowly and sweetly.

7. Lying.

Really, why? So you don’t look bad or have to admit to doing something your other half doesn’t approve of? Look, it only becomes worse if you lie about it. Give up dishonesty, and your relationship can change very quickly. Keep at it, and your mate will lose all trust in you and your partnership.

8. Stealing.

Financial issues account for more than 30 percent of all divorces. The mere fact that “financial infidelity” has become a catchphrase speaks to how pervasive this has become. If you are going to steal from someone you love, you have an issue and need to get some help. If you feel entitled, or that your partner is a cheapskate, you still need to get some counseling. If you don’t work this out, you might as well just give up.

9. Giving up.

It’s the couples that do the hard work and face the challenges that withstand the test of time. Giving up is not the same as giving in, which is a process that needs to be considered when you are at odds with one another. Relationships are all about compromise. Remember too that you can agree to disagree without being disagreeable.

10. Not communicating.

In a relationship, silence is never golden. The more you talk, the better you will feel. Communication is the single most important thing in a relationship, bar none. If you do not have good communication, you cannot have a good relationship, plain and simple. So sit down over a cup of coffee and use your words. You’ll get a lot more out of it than you think.

Changing how you relate can be as simple as dropping a bad habit, or it may require that you get some outside input. If you are engaging in any of these behaviors, you need to look at what you are doing and why—if you want to stay together, that is.

Why Do People Breakup?

Why do people break up? People wonder why people ever break up. They go on crying and dissecting and analyzing why did they ever break up. Relationships start out start as happy and sappy and pleasant but in the end turn sour and cold. People fall out of love or find someone else or grow distant. But how can you ever know what really caused your break up?

Bloody Break Ups

Break ups are messy. They hurt you and tear you apart. They cause you to turn from a glam and pretty lady to a total psycho. It turns you the sensible gentle man into a sniveling slob. Break ups ruin and destroy even the sanest of all people.

Breaks are BLOODY.

But why? Because when you breakup with someone, you rip out a part of you that is vital. Breaking up destroys your heart and soul. There are a lot of reasons why people break up. Some are fortunate enough to just get tired of one another and fall out but not get shattered.

On the other hand there are those breakups which are hellish and bloody. These are the types of break ups that cause writers to write great books about.

Cheating – Cheating is one of the dirtiest and bloodiest reasons for a break up. A woman may scream, throw stuff or even turn murderous because of it. Cheating goes beyond the break up. It causes so much pain that it can even carry scars up to the succeeding relationships.

Money – Yes, money can be a cause of intense breakups. In the beginning of a relationship, money may not matter but men may leave a woman who treats them like an ATM machine. Women may also leave men who are spineless and cannot put in their share for the rent.

Nagging – A person who is constantly bombarded by someone with nagging and screaming will eventually blow their fuse off. They will get fed up. And when a person gets really upset with all the nagging, he or she can run amok and turn into a monster.

Lying – Constant lying will turn the kindest soul into a lunatic. Lying causes so much hurt in a relationship.

The Other Reasons for Break Ups

So if there are bloody breakups, there are also breaks ups that are not so hurtful. They do not destroy people but rather causes them to grow more.

Growing apart – People grow apart because they grow. They learn new things, meet new people and become different people. This cause the partner to be left behind. Because of this, people become unhappy with one another.

Misunderstandings – People breakup because they let misunderstanding get in the way of their relationships. Although this type of breakup can be either be mild or bloody, it is still not as bad as the ones mentioned above.

Lack of sex – Sex is big issue in a relationship. People forego sex because they start losing interest with one another. Some people break up because of it but not cheat because of it. They wait till the relationship is over before they go on into intimate sessions with others. The lack of sex does happen because people let their sex life go for other pursuits such as work and other things.

How to Know Why You Broke Up?

Behind the reasons mentioned above their many be underlying reasons for a breakup. You can breakup because you let your relationship dwindle. You could have broken up because you were just unhappy. You can even breakup because you are some sort of a self destructive time bomb.

Reflect why you broke up – In order for you to grow from the break up, you need not just let go and move on, you also need to know the reason why. Break ups don’t just happen there is a reason why. People don’t just cheat, they cheat because they are not contented. People don’t just fight, they fight because they fail to understand one another.

Talk to one another peacefully – Now if you really want to know why, you gotta talk to your ex. It may not be a pleasant experience, but you have to keep an open mind. If you find out his reasons, then you can learn valuable lessons which you can use to grow.

Ask your friends – A lot of times, when we are so in love, we become blind. We turn into lovesick fulls who are so giddy that we forget to stop and think. Your friends can give you some insight on what went wrong. They can help you examine if you two were really good for one another, or were you just a couple fighting all the time.

Talk to a therapist – Psychologists can help you find the closure you need specially if your ex does not want to talk to you. They can help you figure out the two of you broke up.

Should We Reconcile or Move On?

Most couples who broke up always think if they should ever put the pieces back together. They wonder if thee is still ever a chance to rekindle the love. But is it worth it? Will love be better the second time around or would you just end up hurting each other more?

Well, the honest answer to that is, if you have both grown and matured, then yes, there is a chance. But if you are going back together because you just feel cold a night, then it’s not worth it.

Why do people breakup so easily these days?

I am going to give a contrasting answer that is different from all others. It means our society has progressed. When a girl and a guy fall in love in the past, it is immediately followed by a lot of rumours around. A lot of people talk about it and it is usually looked down upon.

Lot has changed in the recent years. No longer love, or getting intimate have become a taboo and any relationship decision today are made without any thought about society.Yes there are certain people who dont love each other and are in a relationship for lust.However the equation is pretty clear between them. This might again be a thing to look down upon in the current society.But say a few decades down the line, it would become a normal thing and would be accepted as a personal problem.

This is a sign of progression that a girl or a guy can stay in a relationship or breakup solely because they want to and can do anything they want within that relationship without any thought about the society or the world.

I am sorry if my perspective is not in line with you.

Studies have shown that nearly 70% of break ups are initiated by women and only 50% are honest about the reasons why they left. Well, we’re here to enlighten you about the most common reasons why couples break up. It’s always important to reflect on your relationship and check how strong it is. Maybe there are some reasons your girlfriend or boyfriend could break up with you soon? Of course it’s impossible to avoid every single one of them but make sure you don’t catch yourself doing more than 10 of these mistakes. If that’s the case it’s not too late, be grateful that you are aware of them know and try to improve your relationship behavior before your partner has a reason to break up with you.

Not spending enough time together

Research has shown that one of the major reasons that relationships fail is due to lack of time spent together. A woman loves her “couple time”. Now I’m not talking about smothering you, I’m speaking about a balance. Who doesn’t love down time with their spouses on a weekend, holiday or after work? So if you don’t spend time with her, she will believe you’re not interested in being in the relationship with her. This also includes:

Always being late
Girls hate the guys who come late on a date, it feels like you don’t appreciate them enough to be on time.

Being a keyboard boyfriend
Some guys don’t utter a word in the face to face conversation but text a lot on the phone. Don’t be a keyboard boyfriend. Have a verbal chat more than text.

Workaholic
Women like ambitious men, but spending all the time at work and not with her is actually a turn-off. Life is not meant just to pay bills. Don’t spend the time, but actually, enjoy the life with your girlfriend.

Always putting your friends first
When your friends are more important to you and you are spending most of the free time with them and not with your girl, you are ringing the alarm bell to the relationship yourself.

Bad Communication

Founder and CEO of Balanced Life Academy Group, David Oragui, advised in his article “Why is Communication Important in a Relationship” that “Communication is extremely important for couples because it acts as the judge jury who has the final say on whether your relationship lives or dies.” Let that marinate for a bit, are you a good communicator?

Not Listening
Don’t just throw your ideas at her. Listen what she has to say. Not listening and all talking is a sign of disrespect.

Not showing interest in the conversation
While in Conversation, girls hate guys who don’t ask questions and shows they are not following up her stories.

Not looking her in the eyes
While talking to your girl, maintain the eye contact. Don’t just stare in her eyes. But, show that you are interested in what she’s saying.

Read Next: Conversation Topics to talk about with a Girl.

Not being interested in her life
Ask your girlfriend about her day, how she’s been, what’s going on etc. be someone with whom she can share everything.

Not being able to compromise
Opposites attract but when a couple isn’t able to discuss crucial matters, it’ll do the relationship more harm than good. It might be your careers are at different places or she wants to adopt and you want kids or you want to live in the south but she’s die-hard on the west. If you are not able to communicate and find compromise as a solution, your relationship will eventually break apart.

Financially unstable

This goes further than merely being broke. This speaks to your ambition, your drive as a manly figure. While your girlfriend may understand that the economy can be rough, what might not sit well with many is if you’re not able to be there for her financially even if it’s just to split the bill. One matchmaking service stated that over 95% of women answered “yes” when asked if income in important.

Not being ambitious
Your financial stability is a reflection of your ambition. Women love ambitious men even if they’re keen on independence.

Being broke
For most women money plays a role. Get a good job, a decent lifestyle before you get into a relationship and get dumped because you don’t have enough to survive.

Financially depending on her
Start earning and don’t get dependent on girl’s finances.

Being Unattractive

Most people improve from year to year because life is a constant development, especially when your young. If your girlfriend improved and you’re at the same level as you where 2 years ago, she will get the feeling that both of you are grown apart. In other words she is telling you that is grown above you and can’t see you as equal anymore.

Being too moody
Don’t be romantic today, arrogant tomorrow, caring the other day then again romantic just because it’s your mood. Being moody is too amateur.

Being an addict
Don’t be a drug addict or an alcoholic. These lead to domestic violence and eventually a break up. What’s worse? You might end up in prison.

Not taking care of yourself
A well-groomed man is always a turn on. Girls like guys who take care of their attire

Bad smell
Bad body odor is the red signal for the next meeting or any meeting!

Bad breath
Bad breath is equally credited as bad body odor.

Repeating old mistakes
An important part of getting over someone is to learn from your mistakes, don’t repeat them in your present relationship.

Too much bragging
Don’t brag about your money or what you have achieved. Share your stories, but don’t show off.

Not knowing how be attractive
You should always improve yourself and know how to attract women.

Bad Sex-Life

Yes, as much as we’d like to think that sex is not as important as other aspects of a relationship, it is still very important. Tammy Nelson, Ph.D., a Board Certified Sexologist and Certified Sex Therapist advised that couples who have bad sex eventually become discouraged about their future together. It’s not just the physical component of sex that turns your girlfriend away. It’s the sexual communication or lack thereof that really grinds her chain. She might be willing to try if you’re willing to listen.

Pressure her to have sex
Don’t force for the intercourse every day. If she started feeling that she is there just to fulfill your physical needs then consider it over!
– How to turn her on with sexting
– How to spice up your sex life

Being bad in bed
There’s one place where you have the chance to wash away all her tension of the day and make your girlfriend comfortable and that’s the bedroom. If you are not good in bed, you are in big trouble. These articles will help you:
– How to last longer in the bedroom
– How to increase your sex drive

Being Unfaithful

Once a woman is with you then you and your lower head are her territory. You let another woman get a piece of that, you damage her claim. It will feel as if you weren’t really hers to begin with. Jason Fierstein, MA, LPC Counsellor for couples advised cheating may translate to mean that the person being cheated on is flawed or unwanted and many can’t shake the idea that they’ve been cheated on. What’s even worse if you lie about it when all evidence clearly points to you. Cheating and lying combo is not a good look for a man a woman could possibly spend her life with. She can never look at you the same, never trust you and might even lose respect for you.

Hiding Something
Don’t hide anything from your girl unless you are a CIA secret agent. Girls usually suspect a wrongdoing when men hide something from them. It’s not what men in a healthy relationship do.

Lying
It is a dead end when she finds out that you are lying to her or lied in the past. There’s no way out. If she was already double-minded about the relation, then by lying you just gave your girlfriend the reason to break-up.

Cheating
Once caught cheating on your girlfriend, it’s over! So, don’t cheat.
– Why do Women cheat – 16 Reasons
– 15 Sings that your Girlfriend is cheating

No Security

At the end of it, it all comes down to security. She needs to feel secure in the relationship and that all the attributes of an awesome couple are firmly in place. You connect, you communicate, you understand each other, and you make plans together. There’s trust, faithfulness, love, respect, support. You inspire each other, you grow together. With all those things in place, she’ll feel utmost secure. She won’t break up if she feels that you truly are partners for life.

Being untrustworthy
Unreliability and untrustworthiness leads to break-ups sooner than one can expect. Be someone whom she can trust with anything.

Treating her different in front of your friends
Guys usually become very casual in front of their friends, act differently and treat their girl differently. Guys, you have to maintain the decorum of your relationship in front of your friends too. Girls hate when guys treat them differently in front of their friends.

Fighting too often
If there’s fighting more than loving in your relationship she might say “it’s over” anytime soon.

Blaming her all the time
Don’t blame your girlfriend for everything wrong happening in your life.

Criticizing her too often
Don’t criticize her in all her decisions. Try to look from her perspective.

Not apologizing
Asking for an apology will only do the good for you in the relationship. So, don’t be a guy who is not sorry for anything.

Abuse

Be it emotional, physical, verbal, if you hurt her like this then she’ll take her battle scars and go. She’s a human being just like you and deserves respect for her thoughts, her body and her emotions. Damage that and the relationship will forever be broken. Steven Stosny, Ph.D. advised in physchologytoday.com that an emotionally abusive relationship undermines her confidence, worthiness, growth or trust, makes her feel unstable or manipulated with shame. More women are empowering themselves to leave abusive relationships. Be real, would you want to stay if someone damaged you like this?

Being aggressive
Short tempered guys don’t last longer in the relationship. So, keep calm and handle everything with a cool head above your shoulders.

Limiting her
Never let your girl feel that she lost her independence at the cost of being in a relationship with you.

Controlling her
Don’t even try to control her. Give her space she needs. Let her enjoy the independence she needs.

Giving her the feeling of being worthless
Guys who make their girl feel less worthy don’t deserve to have any girl!

Dissing her
Don’t count her mistakes and tell her she can’t do anything right.

Comparing her
Never ever compare your girlfriend with other girl.

Pushing her to commit
Don’t push her for the commitment. Give her time to think. If you force her, she is eventually going to feel under pressure and rather break up than commit.

No Support

One of the big differences between friends with benefits and being a couple is to support each other in all kinds of life circumstances. If she can’t count on you it will tremendously decrease her believe in your relationship.

Not supporting her
Support her ideas and plans. She might have something useful and interesting.

Not helping in the household
Don’t leave the entire burden to your girl. Share some household responsibilities.

Expecting things you don’t do yourself
Don’t tell her to compromise and sacrifice for the relationship. Do your part too.

Not respecting her friends and family
Respect your girl’s family and friends. You’ll get plus points for that.

No Emotions

Emotional intimacy is as important as physical intimacy. Not being satisfied emotionally is a big reason for women to break up. Try to show your passionate and romantic side a little more. Rekindle the spark and let your girlfriend feel your love again.

Being boring
Women break up because the relationship lost its charm and all that is left is boring for her.

Not having date nights
At least one day a week you should make time to make something romantic or exiting with her. Write down some date ideas and try out something new.

Not laughing together
A little fun and humor is always appreciated by the girls.

Not appreciating her funny side
If she tells a joke, and it’s good, laugh it off or get ready to face her ignorance.

Not suprising your girlfriend
Women love surpises, it creates all kinds of happy emotions inside of her.

Not being passionate about her
She wants to feel your passion for her and if she doesn’t feel that connection, she will step despite the ties.

Being emotionally unavailable
Women leave because they feel their men is not present even if she loves you and you have children. She really wants you to show that you feel her. Being absent-minded might mean you’re taking her for granted.

No Appreciation

Forgetting her wishes
If you usually forget the tasks she tells you to do; you are actually getting ready to be dumped!

Treating her like a child
Even if she’s some years younger than you, don’t treat your girlfriend like a little girl who doesn’t know or can’t do anything by herself. In a funny way this can be flirty and some girls with daddy issues are attracted to men who replace the father figure, but don’t do it all the time if you want to have a healthy relationship.

No Compliments
Tell her how beautiful she is, if you are not creative, here are 50 cute things to say to your girlfriend.

No future plans
The realization of her never being your wife especially when her heart is set on it can push a woman away forever.

No romantic gifts
One of the best ways to show your appreciation for her is a suprise with romantic gifts for her.

Not doing anything for her
If you are not a man of words and you don’t have money for romantic gifts, here are 10 cute things to do for your girlfriend.

Not taking the relationship serious
Let your her feel the passion to stay with you her whole life and try to achieve the long-term goals.
Turn it around before it’s too late, most of the reasons for break ups are very similar for most couples and if you truly love her, it’s time to put some work into your relationship. The following two articles will help you re-connect and spark emotions in her so that she feels loved and appreciated.
– How to make your Girlfriend want you more
– How to make your Girlfriend feel special

Being too nice

Besides being a bad boyfriend there is another extreme which is also the reason why many couples break up. Some women especially ones with high self esteem are able to appreciate a partner who is very nice to them. However, if your girlfriend has a low self esteem and you are acting too nice, she will loose respect for you and end the relationship. The reason is that she doesn’t feel like she deserves to be threated so nicely and is someone does this it means he has a lower status than her.

This is a real life example of girlfriend who is explaining why she broke up with her ex-boyfriend because he was being too nice and unmanly for her.

Doing everything for her without expecting anything in return

In the 5 months together, he did so many sweet things for her like sending a delivery man with cookies to her workplace, made dinner most of the time, drove her everywhere… you know that stuff. She liked it, on one hand, she often felt happy and appreciated, but she asked herself why is he doing all this to her. She does nothing for him and didn’t even earn this kindness in her opinion. Selfless love might be sweet, but it feels for her, as if he needs to work for getting her to love him back.

Not being a challenge

He was no challenge at all, right from the beginning he offered her his whole heart and did everything. She had him already, that was boring and felt like he isn’t a great deal, because the really attractive men have options and are not so easy to get.

Not having an own opinion

“He was always OKAY with everything, I hate that so much, it’s like he doesn’t have an own opinion” she said. It’s even worse, because what she didn’t say was that IF he has an opinion, he values his own opinion so low that he doesn’t even tell it to her. There is nothing she can orientate herself on, she feels alone because she needs to make every decision herself.

Being predictable and boring

He was always happy and friendly, whatever she did, he looked at her like a puppy looks to its mother. There was absolutely no danger, nothing exciting, nothing new, every time the same old boring predictable behavior.

Being afraid to argue with her

“He was slick like an eel, there where no corners, nothing hard on him, where you can rub.” Every time she tried, to fight with him, he did all he could to not get into any arguments with her. Yes, she TRIED to fight with him, woman do this often if they don’t have enough emotional stimulation. They want to give you the chance to show that you have some balls.

Letting her disrespect you

Balls that show confidence in himself, so that he can fire back if she argues with him. When she notices that he has no balls, she starts disrespecting him, but not because she is a mean person. Woman do this to test how qualified you are to lead her through life and there is no better way to find this out, than to test you. Whenever she did something disrespectful, he did not get mad at all. Some times she even apologized to him, but his answer was “That’s okay, don’t worry “. She said “How can this be okay for you???”.

Giving up everything for her

After her respect and attraction for him dropped to zero, she gave him all kinds of lies (“I’ve got my period”) to not sleep with him. But when the attraction drops, woman not only stop having sex with you, they also don’t want see you. She had a hard time telling him, that she doesn’t want to see him ever again, she tried to find another reason so she doesn’t hurt him with the truth.

Nowadays we saw many couples breaking up very fast. The study found that 50% of people just break up only because of little mistakes that can be overcome easily for a strong relationship. Causes of Breakups in Relationships are here to discuss, you all must know about that to save relationship breakup. If any one don’t want to breakup with his/her boyfriend/girlfriend the must read this article carefully and follow the advices.

1. Negative Attitude.

Negative attitude one of the biggest reason of relationship breakup. Probably you are young then smoking, drinking or some kind of botox injection but these foolish acts must be stop if you are in a relation. Because normally no one like this. And if you have family too then your partner never like this behaviour. So you have to mature now and have to quit it. Because this gonna be bad for him/her and for family too. If you can’t do it yourself then you must go for rehabilitation. rehabilitation.

2. Misdirected Anger .

How many times you had a hectic day on your workplace and you come back with burden or tiredness or a negative frame of mind. You behave with others in the same manners with your loved one or with family. That is not good, it will destroy your relation or leads to relationship breakup. The best solution is when you are in bad mode or feeling stress at the workplace then instead of shouting, simply ask him/her for a hug and speak in a polite manner “i had a hectic day and feeling so tired”.

When you’re feeling over-emotional then share about your feelings to your loved one. A good partner must understand your feelings and respect it, take care about his/her condition as well. Paying attention to to your partner in his/her bad time or in his/her sickness, is the key to a successful relation.

Must read: How to have a strong relationship with your girlfriend/boyfriend

3. Harmful people

You must care about people in your life. People, Like friends or family who come into your house and you are dealing them in your daily routine. If your partner cannot understand them, then there could be valid reason. Listen your partner instead of keep anger against him/her. If it is a regulation issue then you both must visit a physician. And in case if they are really bad and your partner thinks , those are really bad for your family or for your relationship you have to find new folk. Don’t spoil your relation only because of others,

4. Telling Lies leads to the relationship breakup

Actually, by telling a lie you only trying to create a pleasant appearance but deeply in relation you are cutting your roots. some times telling a lie do works and it is good, like admire your partner more than he/she did. But hiding any reality or truth gonna be worse. No one likes hiding things or something like that. If you have any secret or any confess then go ahead and tell him/her truth, even if you thought it goes against you. No matter what things go against you but if he/she really likes you then he/she must understand. This is the biggest mistake that ruins any love and leads to a relationship breakup.

5. Giving up.

It is the lovers that do a tough job and encounter the difficulties that endure the test of time. Quitting is absolutely not just exactly like giving in, which is a procedure that should be viewed as if you are at odds with each other. Romantic relationships are about a bargain.

6. Not even interacting.

Within a working relationship, silence will certainly not be great. The greater you communicate, the better you are going to experience. Interaction is the one most significant part of a working relationship, bar nothing. If you don’t have good interaction, you are unable to enjoy a good relationship, basically. So take a seat over a hot chocolate and make use of thoughts. You are going to get much more from it than you are thinking.

Also read: Happy Married Life goals for a perfect relationship

Just how Can I Get Back to My Girlfriend / Boyfriend After Breakup

Once things were gone worse and little misunderstanding become big one blast and things gone out of control, you break up with your loved one. Then what should you have to do? These things were not designed to end in this way, never let your love go in misunderstanding. The thing is that you both misplace each another in the end. If you thought your partner really loves you inside then never let him/her go. Clear every situation, i know there is no clarification in love but some time it is necessary to clear your position.

In case there is no misunderstanding, and it is a clear case then there is also a way to keep your love with you. What’s the solution? Solution is that you have to change yourself if you want to live your life with your love. I know if there are no misunderstanding , then there will be a gap came between you and your love. Don’t worry, it’s natural.

The very first thing you need to do is to provide one another a few little environments effectively think factors over. At this time, you might not have the ability to think about factors clearly. Your misunderstandings shroud more than your thoughts to make the correct decision, and you may finish up doing things the wrong manner so take a little break.

After you have sufficient time to find out right emotions for each other and chose to begin once again with your romantic relationship with your lover, then your next progress is to discover for methods to get in touch with your lover by catching her for a dinner, coffee or supper simply to communicate with each other as close friends and find out how each of you are currently undertaking.

Find the precise words to express and things we can do using my confirmed success formula in order to get back together with your love which has worked out for over 6000 lovers stop relationship breakup and invert their separations and divorce globally.

Must read: Why married man cheats his woman, possible reasons

6 Tips in order to avoid relationship breakup:

  1. Effective and strong relationships take time. They just do not come up in a vacuum. They happen if the lovers in them take those risk of sharing what it is that is taking place within their hearts and brain.
  2. You are able to change yourself, not really your lover. If you love somebody and feel that after having a while she or he will change behaviors you will find unpleasant, reconsider. If you would like adjustments, put them on the desk to avoid relationship breakup. So that your spouse understands the thing you need.
  3. Almost all justifications create from our own fear of losing someone special. And you afraid the pain of relationship breakup. Once disappointment happens. To maintain a strong relationship take a look at what’s happening instead of getting upset with your partner. If he/she loves you, he/she will never leave you.
  4. Figure out what men and women are extremely distinct. We’re not aliens or come from Mars, we are humans and have natural behaviour. So celebrating our variations can make living mutually more peaceful, interesting, pleasing, if someone can understand and also helpful break down the rate of relationship breakup.
  5. Giving respect to each other is very necessary for a good relation, normally relations are break due to disrespect. Every single morning you got a chance to make a strong relationship that satisfying and much deeper by recommitting with your lover. Feeling respectable and valued by the one you love creates life much better looking.
  6. Now the time has come to get rid of secrets. If you both really love each other then share everything with others.
  7. Angriness would be a waste of your time that really leads to relationship breakup. Anger is additionally a relationship destroyer since it makes you engage and will not enable you to see the sound. In order to save your relation your should have to overcome of your anger.In case you are irritated with your lover, give yourself some time to relax after which carefully talk about what’s going on for you personally.

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Dija Airish

Dija Airish is wife and an Editor at Vogue Babe. She writes on women’s health, beauty and makeup tips for beginners. When she’s not writing, Dija enjoys reading romantic novels, watching Netflix, and spending far too much time in cooking.

The Top 10 Reasons for Breakups

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Mistletoe may make the lyrics of Christmas jingles, but the truth of the matter is the holiday season is ripe breakup time. In fact, in past years, Match.com has reported that “peak surfing season” starts on December 25-and we’re not talking about waves here.

The stress of in-laws, gift giving, travelling, and wine-induced hangovers prove to be too much for some lovebirds, apparently. Or maybe those things are simply the straws that break the camel’s back.

To get to the bottom of things, dating site WhatsYourPrice.com, culled data from over 100,000 of their members this year, aiming to determine what caused people to break off love in 2014. Below, the top 10 most common reasons for splits, ranked-and some short advice for facing each issue.

1. Cheating. Unfaithfulness proved to be the No. 1 reason people head for Splitsville. But is it completely unforgiveable or is there wiggle room? Interestingly enough, a recent survey found that 54 percent of people said that cheating can be justified in certain situations.

2. Bad sex. We feel you, sister. And we’re here to help! So don’t call it quits before trying these 7 Kinky Upgrades for Your Sex Life.

3. Jealousy. Over-the-top jealousy (or a controlling partner) is never to be taken lightly. But if you’re just a bit annoyed by his snoopish behavior, did you know These 5 Things Can Make Him Jealous?

4. Finances. Couples fighting about money is nothing new. But beyond being able to honestly communicate about moolah with your other half, here are 16 Money Rules Every Woman Should Know by Age 30.

5. Family differences. Finding out how he grew up and what values he has are just a few of the 5 Questions You Should Ask in a Relationship.

6. Weight gain. If he’s packing on the pounds because he’s sidelined the importance of diet and exercise, make some new goals together. But remember, there’s a fine line between trying to help instill healthy habits and trying to change someone. (Trying to change someone is one of the 8 Things You Do That Could Hurt Your Relationship.)

7. Laziness. No one wants to be with a lazy partner. Everyone just wants to veg out every now and then, sure, but if once in a while becomes all the time, remember: People aren’t likely to change that much over time. Here, 3 Ways to Tell If He’s the One.

8. Too clingy. Tabloids reported that Khloe Kardashian knew this feeling all too well. Here, How to Deal with a Clingy Guy.

9. Cleanliness. We’d never complain about an overly clean guy! But if he’s too messy, tell him this: De-cluttering is one of the 20 Ways to Get Almost Instantly Happy!

  • By Cassie Shortsleeve

These were the top 5 reasons for relationship break ups last year

Sometimes, it’s just not meant to be…

Pulling the plug on a relationship isn’t easy to do, no matter how long you’ve been seeing someone. For the record, it doesn’t get any easier the more you do it either.

A while back we saw a thread on Reddit which detailed the annoying habits that caused couples to break up, and there were some very bizarre entries into that particular thread.

Now a survey conducted by dating site, What’s Your Price, has outlined the most common reasons for relationships ending from 6,842 of its members.

Surprisingly, the most common reason that women dumped their partners is because of political differences. We imagine it was to do with Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, or perhaps they just couldn’t stomach the idea of Fianna Fail likely taking over from Fine Gael in the next election.

For men, it seems that they’re a little bit more superficial, as the most common reason they ended with their partner being the issue of weight gain.

But another popular reason for men was the issue or attachment. The study describes this in the following terms: “As feelings deepen, they become harder to control. Intense feelings can lead to crazy thoughts and irrational decisions. Does your significant other show up wherever you happen to be ‘coincidentally?'”

Have a look at the reasons below and if they sound all too familiar, don’t worry, there’s plenty of fish in the sea…

Women

  1. Political differences – 35%
  2. Bad sex – 24%
  3. Finances – 13%
  4. Jealousy – 10%
  5. Mistrust – 6%

Men

  1. Weight gain – 27%
  2. Attachment – 20%
  3. Jealousy – 18%
  4. Bad sex – 12%
  5. Infidelity – 8%

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Here are 10 primary reasons why breakups and divorces happen, and 10 ways to avoid them.

1. Bad behaviors.

Maybe when you were young, it was cool to be “bad,” but as an adult, especially if you have a family, those old behaviors, whatever they may be (smoking, drinking, chewing tobacco, or spending your children’s college tuition on Botox or fantasy football), have to stop. If you can’t do it on your own, your next step is rehab. Start now, and by next year you may be a new person.

2. Cheating.

So you have broken the most sacred of vows (if you are married) and, married or not, probably broken the heart of your significant other, along with his or her trust. That’s really a hard thing to rebuild, but it can be done. The trick is to avoid this pitfall in the first place. Give up even the idea of sex with other people completely, and your mate will become far more attractive.

3. Misdirected anger.

How many times have you had a lousy day at work and come home in a bad mood? Guess what: That isn’t fair, and it’s going to damage your relationship. Coming home and bringing a bunch of negative energy inside with you can only make things ugly. You can get the soothing you need and have your mood changed in a few moments by just asking for a hug and saying, “Honey, I’ve had a rotten day.”

4. Being unsupportive.

If you cannot support the one you love when he or she is down, or stressed because of some life event, you are communicating that it’s not worth your time and energy. This makes your loved one feel invalid. If you can’t be there for your other half, and don’t care to change, it’s time to leave. If you want to keep your relationship, learn to be supportive.

5. Toxic people.

If you have friends that your partner can’t stand, it can be one of two things: Either there’s a control issue involved here, or these individuals are negative and should not be in your lives. If it’s a control issue (on one or both your parts), you should see a counselor together. If your “friends” engage in bad behaviors or are disrespectful to your mate, you need to find some new people to hang out with.

6. Withholding affection and attention.

When you are not affectionate with the person who loves you, he or she is eventually going to stop asking for affection. After being turned down enough times, we become too embarrassed to ask. I’m not talking about sex—just attention, like hand holding or cuddling on the couch. If you’d like more intimacy in your relationship, this is the place to start, slowly and sweetly.

7. Lying.

Really, why? So you don’t look bad or have to admit to doing something your other half doesn’t approve of? Look, it only becomes worse if you lie about it. Give up dishonesty, and your relationship can change very quickly. Keep at it, and your mate will lose all trust in you and your partnership.

8. Stealing.

Financial issues account for more than 30 percent of all divorces. The mere fact that “financial infidelity” has become a catchphrase speaks to how pervasive this has become. If you are going to steal from someone you love, you have an issue and need to get some help. If you feel entitled, or that your partner is a cheapskate, you still need to get some counseling. If you don’t work this out, you might as well just give up.

9. Giving up.

It’s the couples that do the hard work and face the challenges that withstand the test of time. Giving up is not the same as giving in, which is a process that needs to be considered when you are at odds with one another. Relationships are all about compromise. Remember too that you can agree to disagree without being disagreeable.

10. Not communicating.

In a relationship, silence is never golden. The more you talk, the better you will feel. Communication is the single most important thing in a relationship, bar none. If you do not have good communication, you cannot have a good relationship, plain and simple. So sit down over a cup of coffee and use your words. You’ll get a lot more out of it than you think.

Changing how you relate can be as simple as dropping a bad habit, or it may require that you get some outside input. If you are engaging in any of these behaviors, you need to look at what you are doing and why—if you want to stay together, that is.

The 33 Most Common Reasons Why Relationships Fail

While the last thing couples want to think about is breaking up, the sad reality is that it happens—a lot. In fact, according to recent data from the American Psychological Association, as many as 50 percent of marriages in the United States eventually end in divorce. But how can you tell whether your relationship will survive? Well, there are surefire predictive tells like your bedroom habits, the way you argue, and how often you communicate. Even the way you carry your day-to-day conversations can shed light on your relationship’s longevity. Keep reading to discover some of the most common reasons why relationships fall apart.

1 You withdraw during arguments.

In his 2015 research published in the journal Psychological Assessment, Keith Sanford, PhD, a psychology professor at Baylor University, found that partners who admitted that they withdrew often during arguments reported being unhappier and more apathetic about the relationship overall.

“Withdrawal is the most problematic for relationships,” Sanford said in a statement. “It’s a defense tactic that people use when they feel they are being attacked, and there’s a direct association between withdrawal and lower satisfaction overall with the relationship.”

2 You’re not on the same page.

When Virgil wrote that “love conquers all,” he had clearly never been in a serious relationship. Yes, love can overcome many things, but if there’s one thing that it can’t overcome, it’s not being on the same page. At the end of the day, you and your partner need to be clear about fundamental decisions like where to live, when and if to have kids, and how to save and spend money—otherwise, the relationship will fall apart.

According to Lesli Doares, a certified relationship coach in Cary, North Carolina, “67 percent of disagreements in a relationship never get resolved and they don’t need to, but the other 33 percent, if not resolved, can lead to the end of the relationship.” Doares notes that these so-called “dealbreakers” are often “desires of one partner for the relationship to get more serious, personal beliefs and values, the kind of lifestyle each person wants to live, and wanting to have children.”

3 You hold your partner to unrealistic standards.

Your partner is likely doing the best they can—but like any human, they’re going to mess up and make mistakes sometimes. And while a supportive spouse handles these slip-ups like an adult, an unsupportive one will treat their partner like they should be perfect 100 percent of the time, leading to frustration on both ends.

“When your partner doesn’t measure up to something they didn’t even sign up for, there is a tendency to try to change them, with no understanding that your own behavior plays a huge role,” says Doares. “By focusing on your partner, it allows for justification as to why they are the problem.”

4 You’re afraid of being alone.

Many people will avoid conflict and pretend that issues in their relationship don’t exist simply because they live in fear of being alone. However, this strategy backfires, as all conflicts will rear their ugly heads eventually—and by then, it’s usually too late to solve them.

“Being afraid of being alone, and thus willing to accept any relationship no matter how unhealthy, is another common pattern that keeps relationships from working,” says Doares. “Appropriate boundaries need to be identified and enforced.”

5 You rely on body language to convey your feelings.

At the beginning of a relationship, couples tend to be honest and open about their feelings and emotions. But as things progress, many people doom their relationships by assuming that their significant other can—and should be able to—read their body language and just know what’s on their mind.

“Where a conversation once existed, now there is silence, an eye roll, or edgy energy emitting that becomes divisive if not ultimately crushing,” explain relationship experts Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola, authors of It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken. “Over time we get too comfortable in our partnership, too lazy, or sometimes even become apprehensive and we stop communicating thoughtfully with each other.”

6 You compare your relationship to everyone else’s.

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The worse things are in your own relationship, the better everyone else’s is going to look. But by comparing yourself, you are only going to feel worse. You’re ultimately sabotaging whatever of your relationship there is left to salvage.

“Comparison is the thief of joy,” note Behrendt and Ruotola. “Focus on your own relationship rather than coveting someone else’s. The grass is greener where you water it and no relationship is as flawless as it looks on Instagram.”

7 You refuse to compromise.

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Compromising isn’t just about letting your spouse choose which restaurant you go to every once in a while. In a healthy, committed relationship, to compromise is to make “the conscious choice to accept each other for exactly who you are,” writes Laura Schlessinger, a relationship expert and the host of the Sirius XM radio show The Dr. Laura Program. “If you want your relationship to last, you need to give up your need to be right and in control all of the time.”

8 You don’t express your emotions similarly.

Have you ever found yourself crying in a fit of rage while your partner hasn’t so much as shed a tear? This may be a sign that your relationship is on the rocks. A couple’s meta-emotions—that is, how they feel about emotion—need to be on the same page. As marriage researcher John Gottman, PhD, discovered, meta-emotion mismatches were 80 percent accurate in predicting divorce. Basically, it’s not about the conflict itself—it’s about handling it in a complementary way to how your partner handles it.

9 You see your partner as inferior.

Having contempt for your partner is one of the four behaviors that Gottman says is a telltale indicator of an impending divorce. In his research, he polled couples on how often they behaved with contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Then, he measured perceived relationship satisfaction and found that the behaviors were over 90 percent successful in predicting divorce.

According to Gottman, seeing your partner as inferior in particular is the “kiss of death” for any relationship. And this makes sense, given that another 2010 study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that couples who showed contempt for each other within their first year of marriage were more likely to divorce before their 16th wedding anniversary.

10 You take your anger out on each other.

In a 2014 study published in the journal Current Directions in Psychological Science, researchers determined that the people you love most are also the people you’re most likely to take your anger out on, given that you interact with them more than anyone. But unfortunately, what they also found is that “aggression is harmful to individuals and to relationships,” meaning that the more you hurt the people you love, the more you risk pushing them away.

11 You’re holding on to the past.

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It’s hard to focus on the present when you’re busy living in the past. And this is especially true in a romantic relationship, as your complete and undivided emotional and physical presence are required in order to make things work. If you want your current relationship to last, leave the past in the past and let go of the things that are holding you back.

12 You have trust issues.

Trust is not an easy thing to build with someone (especially if you’ve been betrayed in the past), but you should have faith in the person with whom you intend to spend the rest of your life. Should you build a partnership on a foundation of mistrust, you risk lacking both physical and emotional intimacy. Plus, you can almost guarantee that eventually your partner will get fed up and walk away.

13 You love alcohol, but your partner doesn’t.

If you love a good nightcap before heading to bed, then you should be sure that your life partner enjoys one as well. One 2013 study from the University of Buffalo found that around 50 percent of married couples with differing alcohol habits got divorced before they hit the 10-year mark. On the other hand, partners who had similar drinking habits—whether they indulged, abstained, or consumed alcohol moderately—only had a divorce rate of about 30 percent.

14 Your relationship is full of secrets.

Secrets are no fun, especially in a long-term relationship. And what’s even worse is lying about them, like when “your partner keeps secrets from you and blames you when you call them out on their secrecy,” says Terry Gaspard, MSW, LICSW, a relationship expert and therapist in Massachusetts and Rhode Island.

“They will say things like, ‘You just couldn’t handle it if I was open and honest with you, which is why I had to lie,'” Gaspard explains. If you notice your partner lying to your face and then holding you responsible for their loathsome actions, it might be time to sit down with them and address the problem directly before things escalate further.

15 You never take any blame.

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Every couple fights, but healthy ones end them with both parties apologizing and taking partial blame for what has transpired. But in a relationship that’s reaching its breaking point, you might find that either you or your partner refuse to accept any of the blame, with one of you painting themselves entirely as the victim.

“We are all taught a language of blame when we feel powerful emotions,” says Carey Davidson, CEO of integrative healthcare company Tournesol Wellness. “It’s so much easier to become a victim than it is to think about our emotions as our body’s way of telling us our core needs for growth aren’t being met.”

16 You’re not empathetic.

A healthy and happy relationship should revolve around how each person is feeling. “In times of conflict … we shift our mindset toward recognizing core needs for ourselves and our partners,” explains Davidson. ” empathizing with our own unmet needs, empathizing with our partner’s unmet needs, and then coming up with a plan for meeting them both.”

However, partners in unstable relationships often find themselves fighting with their significant other, with little to no regard for how the other person feels.

17 Your relationship lacks respect.

A couple will never understand each other when there is a lack of reverence in the relationship. And if one partner has a blatant disrespect for the other’s life choices, neither partner will ever feel comfortable talking about their day, let alone their feelings or beliefs.

“The biggest reason that I see on why a relationship does not work out is that one partner does not respect the other,” says Alexis Dent, owner of wedding vow company XO Juliet. “That is a formula for disaster, as they will never be on the same page and things will fall apart.”

18 A big life event rocked the relationship.

A big and unexpected life event, like the death of a parent or a sudden job layoff, can shake a relationship to its core. And, oftentimes, these life-changing moments will result in other major changes that many relationships struggle to survive.

“Sometimes due to a death in the family, development of an illness, or simply a desire to change careers, a person may want to move to a different area, work less, or they pick up bad habits, like drinking, drugs, sex addiction,” says Regina DeMeo, a matrimonial attorney in Bethesda, Maryland. “If your partner doesn’t agree with these changes, then you no longer have a shared vision of where you need to be or where you are heading, which leads to irreconcilable differences.”

19 You don’t trust your spouse with money.

It’s not necessarily how each partner spends money that causes problems in a marriage, it’s how one partner thinks their significant other is spending that does. When Ashley LeBaron, a graduate student at Brigham Young University (BYU), and her fellow researchers studied couples and spending habits in 2017, they found that husbands who viewed their wives as big spenders had the greatest financial conflicts, regardless of actual spending habits. “When it comes to the impact of finances on relationships, perceptions may be just as important, if not more important, than reality,” LeBaron said in a statement.

20 You only think about yourself.

Relationships are all about give and take—and if you take more than you give, then the balance will be thrown off and your partner will likely seek comfort in other places and people. In fact, this is such a well-known phenomenon that experts have even given it a name: It’s called the Social Exchange Theory. According to Mark V. Redmond of Iowa State University, the theory outlines how “we are disturbed when there is no equity in an exchange or where others are rewarded more for the same costs we incurred.”

21 You don’t express gratitude.

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When your significant other spends the entire day slaving away on a home-cooked meal, don’t forget to thank them for all that hard work. Otherwise, your partner will feel like all their efforts have gone unnoticed, or that you feel like your time is more valuable than theirs.

“Taking a partner for granted undermines all relationships,” explains Poppy Spencer, MS, CPC, a certified counselor and relationship expert in Florida. “Whether people acknowledge it or not, being a value to a significant other is essential. When gratitude is not expressed, emotional, and sometimes physical, health is compromised.” You might think that your gratitude is implied, but it helps your partner to hear that they’re appreciated.

22 You rely on your partner for validation.

Insecure folks use their partners as a crutch in order to feel better about their many perceived shortcomings. And when the relationship is less than satisfactory, they see this as a slight against who they are as a person, which can lead to anger, frustration, and ultimately, the end of the relationship. Unfortunately, it can be difficult to reason with someone who pins their self-worth to the status of their relationship.

23 You keep trying to change your significant other.

One of the most important parts of being in a relationship is loving your partner for who they are without trying to change them. People who secretly wish that their partner was just a little bit more fashionable or athletic will find that they love an unrealistic version of their partner and not the actual person with whom they’re coupled. It always helps to remember that love is unconditional—and if yours isn’t, then it might not be love after all.

24 You don’t forgive or forget.

You can pretend to settle an argument with your spouse just to make it go away, but that is only going to make things worse. Why? “Holding resentment is the quickest way to destroy love,” says California-based psychotherapist Tina Tessina, PhD. “Resentment is like the rust that eats away at the bonds of your relationship.” If you don’t resolve the underlying issues that are causing your resentment and anger, then your relationship will inevitably be worn down to the point of no return.

25 You don’t go out on dates anymore.

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After getting married, it takes work to maintain the spark that once existed in your relationship. If you don’t work on keeping it alive, you risk falling into the same old routines. “From the moment you begin to live together, romantic moments are no longer automatic,” says Tessina. “Instead, much of your time together is spent on more mundane things: doing laundry, washing dishes, paying bills, or going to work. As soon as the initial newness of living together wears off, such everyday things cease to feel exciting and romantic, and you may find yourself feeling worried that your partner no longer cares as much or is as excited to be with you.”

26 You don’t listen.

Every person in a relationship just wants their voice to be heard—but in return, you need to give your partner that same respect and actually listen to what they’re saying. If your partner thinks that you’re ignoring them, they will feel like their opinions and emotions aren’t important to you—and consequently, neither is the relationship.

27 You got married too soon.

If you got married straight out of high school or college, you might start to reconsider your relationship later on. According to a 2015 study from Nicholas Wolfinger, a professor at the University of Utah, couples who marry younger are at a greater risk of divorce compared to couples who wed in their late 20s and early 30s. Unfortunately, if you get hitched when you’re under the age of 20, Wolfinger estimates that your divorce risk is 32 percent, based on age alone.

28 Or you didn’t properly prepare for marriage.

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Before you tie the knot, make sure you figure out finances, living arrangements, future career paths—anything that could potentially get in the way of your happiness and relationship down the line. If you fail to do so, your relationship might be doomed from the start. In a 2001 survey of more than 2,000 married and divorced people in Oklahoma, researchers found that “little or no helpful premarital preparation” was a top reason cited by divorcees for why their marriages didn’t last.

29 Or you started a family right off the bat.

Starting a family is a big decision that shouldn’t be rushed into—and if you do jump the gun on that choice, it could kill your marriage. One 2009 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that “parents showed sudden deterioration following birth on observed and self-reported measures … of relationship functioning.”

30 You’re on different pages sexually.

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Sometimes relationships fall apart not because of incompatibility, but because of issues in the bedroom. In her list of some of the common reasons for divorce, U.K.-based relationship therapist Elly Prior noted on her blog that “problems with love-making” and “loss of libido” are both commonly cited issues in failing or failed relationships.

31 Or the relationship is too intimate.

All newlyweds should express some level of affection—but too much of any good thing can be a problem too. According to an oft-cited 2001 study published in the journal Interpersonal Relationships and Group Processes, couples who displayed overly intense amounts of affection at the onset of the marriage were more likely to get divorced in the long-run compared to couples who were less overtly affectionate. A fire that strong takes a lot of effort to keep alive—so naturally, it will burn out faster than one that starts as a manageable spark.

32 You’re just not compatible.

Sure, opposites might attract at first, but at the end of the day, they’re not always compatible, and they can’t always figure out how to make a long-lasting relationship work. Little things like messiness and movie preferences are negligible, but it’s the bigger things like political views, senses of humor, and spending habits that can be the straws that break the camel’s back.

33 Someone cheated.

Unsurprisingly, infidelity is one of the most common reasons why relationships fall apart. In fact, in that 2001 survey in Oklahoma, among those who were divorced, one of the most popular reasons given for the split was “infidelity or extramarital affairs.”

10 Reasons Why Couples Break Up – And the Grief It Causes

Marriages in the United States only have a 50% chance of lasting. In the UK it is about 42% and in Australia 1 in 3 marriages end in divorce. These statistics only talk about people who are married, so the total number of relationship break downs will be much higher.

We talk about 10 main reasons why couples decide to split up below. When couples break up this affects both families and any children involved. It is normal to experience grief after a break up, and it may cause a lot of grief and anxiety not only for the couple but also for the extended family. You can get help with easing break up pain here: Coping with Divorce and Separation

It is very common, so try not to be too upset or feel a failure if your relationship ends. People change, or there are reasons we might have drifted into the wrong relationship in the first place. Don’t blame yourself, but move on and enjoy your freedom.

Why Do Couples Break Up? – 10 Main Reasons:

1. Infidelity and Betrayal

Infidelity is a major cause of break up. Some couples agree to have other sexual partners. Many couples can survive a short affair if the partner forgives and accepts the promises of never to stray again. Others feel totally betrayed when they discover their partner has been unfaithful and split up immediately.

There are so many factors involved if one partner leaves, such as accommodation to find, custody of the children, finances and so on, that many try to continue the relationship for convenience.

Trust takes a long time to rebuild and integrity is lost. The upset, anxiety, shock and feelings of loss of respect for the partner takes a lot of forgiving. However many do go on with a loving relationship if the promises not to stray again are kept. See also How Infidelity Affects Children.

The thrill of the chase can be too tempting

2. Physical or Emotional Abuse

Many years ago I sang in a choir and we were often asked to sing at weddings. A few weeks after one wedding I was interviewing for a caregivers post at our hospice and said to one of applicants; “I sang at your wedding”. She told me they had broken up! It must have been one of the shortest marriages ever. She told me that when he got angry or had had a few drinks he used her as a punch bag.

Abuse is one of the main reasons for couples to split. It is not only physical abuse but also may be verbal abuse which can be aggressive and frightening too.

Emotional Abuse is just as destructive to a relationship. The mood changes, the silences for days or weeks, the non stop complaints about everything the partner does. This causes a lack of confidence and self esteem. The victim is vulnerable and often stays in this destructive relationship too long because they begin to believe they are to blame.

3. Addiction

One partner’s addiction is another major factor in the breakdown of relationships whether it be to alcohol, drugs, gambling, shopping or many other things. These can cause mood changes, arguments, aggression and financial problems, all leading to the disintegration of any relationship.

4. Money Troubles

Financial problems are another major cause of break up. Poverty, whether it be poor wages and frugal lifestyle or adequate income but unwise spending, puts enormous strain on any relationship. Credit card spending up to and beyond the limit causes many rows and disintegration of relationships.

5. Distance

Geographical separation can be another significant instigator of breakdown often associated with employment. They say “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”, but it’s not always true when your partner is away at sea for months at a time or in the army and not with the family for months. They may have a job where they have to work weekends, nights or all public holidays and then the partner feels that they have no personal or family time.

Servicemen and women, police, health service personnel all need strong relationships to survive these long separations. Many decide they do not want this long distance relationship.

6. Obsessions or Hobbies Outside the Home

Sport obsessions can cause a lot of friction. We have all heard of the term “golf widow”. Well, when one partner’s love of soccer or fishing, or netball or hockey becomes more important than family outings or anniversaries then friction can interfere with relationships. Many partners find they don’t like sharing their life with sport and break up is inevitable.

7. Children Leaving Home

‘Empty Nest Syndrome’ is a common cause of break up which we have discussed before. Many couples grieve when their families have grown up and left home. Some enjoy the freedom they have now and plan to share holidays and hobbies.

However others realise that they had devoted all their time to the children and have nothing in common with each other. She feels she gave up a career to have children, he feels he missed promotion because she would not move for his job. They decide to go their separate ways. Read more about Empty Nest Divorce here.

Sometime couples break up after many years of marriage

8. Retirement

Retirement – the day people dream about and have huge unrealistic expectations about. The great day arrives. Most couples have made plans, discussed what they would like to do and enjoy their remaining years together.

However, once again we find couples who cannot agree on what they want to do. They both have ideas of their own, which their partners do not agree with. One wants to stay home, the other wants to downsize and travel. The outcome is that instead of enjoying retirement together, many couples realise they have no shared interests and break up. They had been so busy working they did not discover how far apart they had become.

9. Accidents or Illness

Some people are unable to cope with illness and walk away from the situation and separate at a very problematic time. It is often when the loved one has a chronic and serious illness and is not likely to improve that a partner cannot cope and leaves the home. They are grieving for the partner they used to have who has changed. Read more about Coping with a Chronic Illness.

If a person is likely to die from their injuries or illness, this is called ‘anticipatory grief’. You are grieving while someone is still alive, but is likely to die. It is a difficult time for all families and relationships. It may seem callous for someone to leave in this circumstance, but some people just cannot handle watching someone deteriorate and slowly die. They are simply not strong enough to go through the experience.

10. Grief

Grief can be a factor in couples breaking up. One person may be grieving and the other is not as close to the person who died. A partner may feel that they are not getting enough support from their other half and becomes resentful.

Or a couple may lose a child and are unable to support one another.

We all grieve in our own way and time. Some people hide their feelings, others can not. When a couple are both grieving it is difficult for them to give each other the comfort and support they both need. The shock and pain they feel inhibits their ability to support others. Sad as it may seem, the loss of a child can be the cause of separation for many couples. One accuses the other of not caring enough for the lost loved one or showing enough grief. One can’t support the other for whatever reason.

See our pages on How to Deal with Grief

Healing from a Break Up

The above is just an overview of why couples break up. There are probably many more reasons but loss and grief are so much a part of this process.

Many people do not realise that the pain they are feeling is grief. The emotions of a break up can be just the same as the emotions of grief such as shock, anger, jealousy, denial. The break up may cause you to become depressed, or to turn to alcohol or food. The loss of your partner, home and dreams for the future all gone.

There may be loss of contact with children. Friendships between the in-laws may be lost. Grandparents worry about how often they will see the grandchildren. The couples themselves go through a lot of grieving for the lifestyle they had. There may be loss of the home and change of school for the children. The happy ever after expectations are lost. You may get little support for this kind of grief, because no-one has died. This is often called ‘disenfranchised grief’ as people don’t actually realise you are grieving.

You have to start again build a new future. Dealing with a break up and surviving will make you stronger. It is a learning process and one which in the end will make us stronger and able to face life’s challenges.

Our lives are important – each day a gift. All we can do is try to make the best of each day for ourselves and families.

Related Pages:

There are many pages on this site to help you get over grief after a break up:

Getting Over Divorce and Separation

Empty Nest Divorce

10 Ways to Cope with Grief

We also recommend an online counselling service which is run by expert psychologists and is completely flexible and confidential.

Online Relationship Counselling

Online Grief Counselling

Self-Hypnosis Downloads are also a great way of learning to cope with the stress of relationship break-up:

Self-Hypnosis for Relationship Help

Self-Hypnosis for Getting Over Divorce

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When couples first start dating, they may overlook their differences, but once a relationship becomes long-term and the couple falls out of the honeymooner stage, these differences can become disastrous. The root cause of a breakup of a relationship is the selfishness that erupts in the heart of one or both partners; the love factor which was in the relationship diminishes over a period of time. Here are the most common reasons as to why marriages/ relationships break up:

Physical and/or mental abuse: This is one of the major factors which finally bring about a breakup of a marriage. This is caused by the sadistic attitude of one of the partners which was kept covered up before a marriage. The spouse who gets the brunt of it, is kept under control, and is intimidated and manipulated. There is less chance for such a relationship to continue for long.

Attraction towards another of the opposite gender: This happens because of one spouse does not give time enough for his/her partner. Communication gap, in words or physically, may develop between the two which, as it widens, paves the way for attraction of one spouse/partner towards another person of the opposite gender.

Cheating and Infidelity: When a spouse begins to get attracted towards an unmarried person or one who is married, intimate relationships between the two develop and deepen and if the developing intimacy is not noticed by any one, it may end up in infidelity. This may go one for a long time till it is discovered causing devastation to the marriage/s and breakups.

Constant humiliation before others: One spouse/partner may be less empathetic than the other; they have no inhibitions in speaking ill of their partner/spouse before other people. The targeted spouse is always made to feel that s/he is ‘good for nothing’; there is no regard for his/her dignity and sentiments. This is because of the selfish attitude of the targeting spouse who shows off to people that life of the two together would never be as good as it is at present without her/him. The suffering partner is invariably made to feel inferior. S/he may even have to undergo humiliation by his/her spouse before others about his/her inability to bear children.

Constant nagging: This is again an attitude of a partner/spouse to keep the other at his/her beck-and-call. The targeted partner has to bear up with the other partner’s constant fault-finding, complaints, scolding, criticisms and frequent sarcastic remarks. There is no concern for the feelings or the respect of the partner. The tendency to nag is more common with women than with men. This is done in an effort to adjust their partner to their standards of living. When the targeted partner does things to please his/her partner, s/he comes up with new ‘points of improvements’. The suffering partner may tolerate it for a long or a short time but the breakup is inevitable…

Jealously in a relationship: Jealousy can cause great devastations in a relationship/marriage. A man or even the woman may feel that s/he is getting less attention than s/he ought to get which s/he discovers is being filtered out to someone else, even an in-law in a marriage; it can trigger a breakup in a relationship

Repeated lying: A spouse or a partner may habitually tell lies to his/her spouse/partner. In such cases the right picture is never clear to the other spouse/partner. A constant attitude of lying can throw a relationship or a marriage into jeopardy and finally brings about a breakup.

Incessant arguments and quarrels: A marriage or a relationship may break up if either or both partners have frequent fights with each other and fail to understand each other, when each one wants to have his/her own way, never agreeing for a compromise. The arguments go out of control and they shout at each other, throw things at each other, and abuse each other.

Love for money more than love for the partner: A partner may love money so much that he never has enough to spare so as to share out with his/her partner. For couples before marriage, only one partner may be paying for all outings they have together or purchases made together so that the financial burden even in petty matters is not shared. This is asking for a breakup in a relationship as it becomes very dry without spending money on each other (which shows love for one another). In a marriage, if the finances are not shared equally or if there is financial secrecy or any stress in financial matters like heavy debts which one partners cares less about, it can sour the marriage bond, ending in a breakup

Repeated comparison of one’s partner with another man or woman: One partner may constantly compare his/her spouse/partner with others simply belittling them, trying to tell them that their lifestyle is not of a caliber which s/he desires. The targeted spouse/partner generally ends up developing an inferiority complex; s/he tries to match up to the standards of their partner to maintain peace and keep the relationship/marriage intact but it is of little use and it ends up in a breakup.

The Surprising Top Cause Of Break Ups: Why Most Relationships Fail

Want to know the number 1 cause of break ups – and why most relationships fail? Here’s some interesting research on the secrets of long lasting couples.

I can sum up in three “acts” the cause behind breakdowns and breakups of most relationships – since the beginning of time:

Act 1: You hurt me.

Act 2: Because you hurt me, I now hurt you.

Act 3: Because you hurt me, I now hurt you and so you hurt me again and so I hurt you—and downward spiraling we shall go.

John Gottman, the famed founder of The Love Lab (a research lab where couples are studied), says he can consistently predict how long a relationship will last, not based on how well a couple gets along, but by how well a couple doesn’t get along.

The Number 1 Cause of Break Ups:

  • A relationship is only as strong as its weakest link – how well couples can deal with conflict! If you don’t deal with conflict well – your relationship will sputter and die.

In the 3 act story up above, Act 2 and Act 3 represent “conflict being handled poorly.”

As a result, this “bad communication during conflict” creates the big breaking point for a “break up” point.

Research Behind The Causes of Break Ups:

Gottman observed many thousands of couples for more than four decades.

His studies reported that most couples were not fighting about specific issues like money, sex, parenting, religion, in-laws, etc.

Instead, they were fighting about…

  • “a failure to emotionally connect during times of conflict.”

Translation:

  • Each partner was sucking at Act 2 and Act 3.

Gottman explains the causes of break ups like this:

“We realized that instead of couples having productive conflict discussions about tangible issues, couples were really arguing about how one partner may not pay much attention to the other’s needs.

Or how one person may not express much interest in things that their partner cares about.

Over time, you can start to constantly think about how negative your relationship makes you feel.

You will eventually stop believing that your partner has your best interests at heart.

Your potential for disconnection and betrayal then increases.

The good feelings you once had might be replaced with loneliness, frustration, and anger.

Each small, negative incident—each bad communication during fights—only increases the potential for betrayal or breakup.”

2 Big Break Up Lessons:

  • When you’re in a couple, it’s as if you’re both members of a team called “Team Love.”
  • If you hurt the other during times of conflict – or at any time – you’re hurting the whole team – and Team Love loses.

The solution?

Healthy conflict should play out like this…

Act 1: You hurt me.

Act 2: I explain how you hurt me – calmly describing how I felt about what you did.

I then ask you to see things from my point of view – while also asking you to explain your point of view.

I try to keep an open perspective.

Act 3: You then explain to me why you chose to hurt me – what you were thinking and feeling when you did.

You each might choose to defend what you did – but you also try to remain open to seeing how you could have done things differently. Together you both put in the work of repair – and you search for a longterm solution so patterns don’t repeat – and so you both feel safe and supported.

Basically, it doesn’t matter what the specific fight was about: money, sex, parenting, religion, in-laws, etc.

How you communicate during conflict will determine if your relationship survives the test of time.

Gottman says…

“If partners see the conflict as an opportunity for growth, they can attune to each other and increase their understanding of one another, which deepens their trust in each other and in the relationship.

If partners dismiss or disrespect the other person’s negative emotions, they may eventually reconnect with one another, but trust will erode a little.

Over time, small and meaningless incidents will compound until partners are left feeling hurt, sad, and alone.”

If you want to prevent break ups:

  • When feeling conflict rising, reach out for your partner’s hand instead of pointing fingers and crossing arms.
  • Instead of acting out, go inward and become introspective – trying to see things from all points of view.
  • When you communicate, talk about how you uniquely see things – and how you personally feel about things – owning that your side is just one side of reality.
  • When your partner communicates, stay open to their points of view. Don’t interrupt. Don’t condescend. Validate that you hear at least some truth in what they are saying. Empathize as best as you can.
  • Stay open to changing and growing who you are so the conflict does not keep repeating – and so the relationship can grow stronger instead of weaker.

If you are dealing with a lot of conflict and tension…

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3 Silent Causes of Most Breakups

When couples split up it can be very difficult and even traumatic. In fact, romantic relationships are one of the major concerns of many people in the world. They have become scary territory. At the same time, they are something that many people believe is necessary for happiness.

Couples don’t often sit down together to evaluate their problems and decide that it’s time to split up. Most breakups are abrupt for someone. They are often surrounded by conflict, confusion, and doubts.

“In an argument, the hard part isn’t defending our opinion. It’s knowing what it is”

–André Maurois–

Breakups between people who still love each other happen all the time. Maybe the love isn’t shiny and new. Maybe it doesn’t feel like it did at the beginning, but it’s still there. When everything ends you feel that love even more intensely because you are able to measure the hole that the other person leaves in your life.

If you truly love your partner and you want a long-lasting relationship, it’s always better to prevent a breakup. It is important to stay alert and not allow corrosive factors to dissolve your relationship. Among these factors are three that are common in breakups. They are:

Excessive criticism

At the beginning of a relationship, there is only flattery. Later, many couples arrive at a point where the opposite occurs. Criticism becomes all too common. This kind of questioning and doubt comes from a feeling of disappointment that happens when the honeymoon period is over.

Some people complain that their partner isn’t the “knight in shining armor” or the “enchanted princess” that they fell in love with. What they are really upset about is that the fantasy they had didn’t come true. They say that the other person “changed”. To a certain point, they feel misled upon discovering that the other person isn’t the “soulmate” that they dreamed about. Their partner is a human being with mundane needs and unattractive defects.

Criticism is important in some situations, like at work or in intellectual discussion. It is not particularly useful in romantic relationships. You always have the option to accept the other person, or not. But if you don’t let him go nor do you accept him, things can get very tense. Many breakups could be avoided if we worked on accepting our partner as they are instead of trying to change him or her. There’s a difference between someone not showing us that they love us, and not showing love exactly as we would like.

Defensive Behavior

This type of behavior is common in situations of unresolved conflict. All couples have problems. All couples experience situations that require forgiveness. But often we don’t deal properly with the issue and there are lingering hard feelings that keep causing damage.

Defensive behavior also happens when one partner is extremely insecure and becomes dependent on the other. Just as in the other case, the outcome is terrible for both partners. One feels threatened, whether it is real or imaginary. The other becomes eternally suspicious. He begins to feel unfounded guilt or plays at controlling the other’s fear.

Given these conditions, the couple no longer feels united by love but by fear. Two people who should support and bring out the best in each other become undeclared enemies. They don’t trust each other. They protect themselves from each other. At this point, either they have to confront the problem and find a solution, or break-up. A break-up could be healthy for both of them.

Conflict avoidance

Avoiding conflict is also a kind of defensive behavior. This behavior is expressed in a passive or latent way. The logic is that by ignoring problems, arguments, distance, and breakups can be avoided.

One partner could be acting in an inconsiderate or harmful way toward the other. Nevertheless, the one on the receiving end of this treatment stays silent. He doesn’t say anything. He knows that could be the straw that broke the camel’s back and could lead to a breakup. In this case, they stay together because of dependence and fear.

Unfortunately, avoiding conflict does not make it disappear. Whenever you leave a problem unresolved, it tends to grow, not fade away. Usually, an unresolved problem causes a lot of anxiety. It can also cause great sadness or even depression. And in the meantime, the main issue keeps getting worse.

Staying together isn’t just about affection. You need intelligence to navigate the contradictions that come up. If you are interested in keep love alive and avoiding a breakup, learn to communicate in a loving but direct way. Let go of your teenage fantasies, they tend to cause more harm than good.

Reasons people break up

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