Let’s be honest – for most people, wanting to have sex on the beach is more about crossing an item off of your sexual bucket list than having a genuinely pleasurable experience. If you’re hell bent on doing it anyway, we can help.

There are a lot of risks that come along with beach sex (getting caught, getting sand in your junk, getting attacked by ocean creatures), and not a lot of payoff (being able to proudly keep a finger raised during your next round of “Never Have I Ever”). That being said, there are some strategies for making the most out of the experience.

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Do Your Research

Sex on the beach is usually not something you do spontaneously. It requires a bit of recon work beforehand. The first thing you’ll want to do is scope out potential locations to do the deed. Look for private little coves or large rocks. If you’re at that particular beach during the day, you can walk around looking for areas that are less populated than others. You can even use Google Maps to find nooks you might not otherwise have noticed.

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You may also want to check the timing of high and low tides so you don’t get caught off guard by the encroaching ocean. It’s also worth looking into the sanitation status of your beach of choice. Some beaches are filthy and just not worth the risk. And I know this one is going to make me sound like a real party pooper, but you should at least be aware of the potential legal implications of your beach tryst, especially if you’re in a foreign country. Getting slapped with a fine for public indecency is one thing; getting arrested is another.

Come Prepared

You’ll need a couple of items to do this right. The most important is a big blanket, which you can use to protect yourselves from sand and to cover up quickly if someone walks by. The bigger the blanket the better. Blankets can be a smarter choice than towels, as towels always seem to let sand through, and you’re more likely to have a large blanket lying around than a large towel. Another good item is a big sun-blocking umbrella, which can be used to shield your bodies from the eyes of passersby. A beach chair with a seat that is a few inches off the sand will give you a few more options for positions. If you really want privacy, look into a portable shade structure. Bring a packet of tissues for clean-up afterwards. If you use condoms, bring a small plastic bag for condom disposal (if you leave used condoms at the beach you deserve to forever have your genitals infested with sand fleas).

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Pick out an easy-access outfit beforehand too. It’s best to try keeping as many clothes on as you can for a quick getaway if you get spotted. Women can wear a beachy sundress or a flowy skirt. Guys should wear shorts or a bathing suit that allows you to pull your junk out easily.

How to not Get Caught

Okay, you’ve found a somewhat secluded zone, you’ve got your condom baggie, now how the hell do you pull this off without getting caught? The most important piece of advice I can give you is to not be an idiot about it. Don’t be these guys. (“Dancing” and “trying to wake him up”? Really?) In fact, read that article, then do the complete opposite of what those two did. Don’t do it in the middle of the day. Don’t do it with people – especially kids – nearby. Don’t take your sweet ass time. Don’t ignore the elderly lady cleary filming you. Don’t do it twice, you greedy bastards!

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Wait until dusk at the very least. The beach should be deserted. Enjoy yourselves, but keep an eye and an ear out for passersby. Keep your voices down, and try not to moan audibly. If you see or hear someone in the distance, stop what you’re doing, and wait to resume until they’re long gone (the stop-and-go aspect of trying to not get caught can be part of the fun!).

If you’re paranoid about getting caught but still want the experience of beach sex, you can make an investment in more privacy. Maybe go on a romantic weekend getaway and rent an AirBnB that has a private strip of beach. Or get a waterside hotel that has a private balcony overlooking the ocean and enjoy your view. If you’re near a beach that people frequently camp at, another option is to bring a tent with you. You’ll get the beach-sex experience without many of the risks.

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Avoid Sand in Your Nether Regions

Most people overly romanticize beach sex, picturing themselves entwined in their partner’s arms, rolling around in the sand as the waves gently lap at their feet. In reality, having your exposed genitals anywhere near the sand is a recipe for disaster. Sand might seem like a fairly harmless annoyance when it’s stuck to your feet, but it’s an entirely different story when it’s all up in your most sensitive bits.

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The only successful beach sex occurs is in positions where your crotches are up in the air. Arguably the best beach sex positions is Doggystyle. This works for straight couples, gay couples, and anyone adventurous enough to bring a strap-on to the beach. If you’re near big rocks, you can try bending the receiving partner over in a more upright version of doggy. If you’re confident in your blanket’s sand-blocking abilities, receiving partner on top is a possibility. If you brought a beach chair, receiving partner on top works even better, and you can try facing each other or facing the same direction. If your configuration includes two women, your best bet is to have one woman sit on the other’s face.

Consider Alternate Options

By now, you may be thinking, “well, screw the sand… maybe we should just do it in the ocean instead?” Ocean sex has its own set of benefits and drawbacks. On one hand, you can get away with a lot more having sex in the ocean rather than on the sand. Again, I don’t recommend having sex when there are people around, but the ocean will conceal what’s going on beneath the surface. Plus, the buoyancy being in water gives you makes standing sex a lot easier (which is great, since it’s really the only position you can do).

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On the other hand, salt water can dry up natural lubrication, so some women may feel pain or discomfort trying to attempt intercourse. Anal is going to be a no-go. It’s also not advisable to use condoms underwater, so your STI risk is higher. And you have to be wary of tripping on rocks, getting bitten by sea creatures, and bacteria that may be in the water. You also won’t have any of leverage for thrusting, so sex will be pretty tame.

Keep in mind that having beach sex doesn’t need to mean having beach intercourse. For my money, oral sex and hand jobs can be a lot more fun than intercourse, and a whole hell of a lot easier to pull off. You can easily give each other handies in the water. If you’ve got a good poker face, you don’t even have to feel that guilty if other people are around (but again, try to be respectful!). Oral sex can be concealed with a blanket or under an umbrella. If someone sneaks up on you, it’s easy to pretend you were just cuddling with your head in your partner’s lap.

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Just remember kids, keep an eye out for those grandmas with cell phones!

Vanessa Marin is a licensed psychotherapist (#78931) specializing in sex therapy. It’s her mission to take the intimidation out of sex therapy and bring the fun back into the bedroom. Have questions about sex? You can reach her at [email protected], or at VMTherapy.com.

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Illustration by Jim Cooke.

Lifehacker: After Hours is a new blog aiming to improve your sex life. Follow us on Twitter here.

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Ah, is there anything better than a sunny day at the beach? Maybe a sunny day at the beach, plus some hot sex? Yeah…that’s definitely better.

Of course, while the romantic roll-in-the-sand as waves wash over you scene may look steamy in movies, anyone who’s given it a go knows it’s not quite so cinematic IRL. You get sand in places you really never wanted sand to go, ocean waves suddenly feel more treacherous than alluring, and logistically, it’s challenging to pull off.

Not to mention, as Alyssa Dweck, M.D. and coauthor of V Is for Vagina, pointed out in a previous interview, sex on the beach can be a vaginal infection waiting to happen, when sand sneaks into your nether-regions. And, although getting busy in the ocean may seem like a clever call (no one can see what you’re doing under the water, right?), for the sake of your vagina, Dweck advises against this, too. Water washes away natural lubricants, which could potentially leading to micro-abrasions and UTIs. (No thank you!)

But that doesn’t mean ALL beach sex is unpleasant or unsafe—there are plenty of viable ways to get frisky. For starters, make sure you bring an extra large towel or beach chair to use as a barrier against any sand-in-vagina debacles (and an extra one for concealment). Plus, in some cases, standing positions can be great options, too.

Of course, it bares noting that public sex is illegal pretty much everywhere—so unless you’re on a private beach, well, proceed with caution.

Now that we got that out of the way: To cause some commotion in the ocean near…the ocean…give these positions a spin.

5 Realities About Sex on the Beach

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You’re hot, you’re wearing very little clothing, and you’ve got an endless expanse of water right in front of you for quick clean up. Still, just because doing the deed on the beach seems appealing doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a good idea to give it a go. Here, five things to know about sex on the beach that they don’t show you in the movies.

1. You could get arrested. Indecent exposure is no joke. While laws vary from state to state, almost every area has some sort of ordinance on the books that can get you in trouble-and then your name is in the local police blotter. Not exactly something you want a future employer or boyfriend finding during a Google search.

2. It’ll bother your lady parts-not in a good way. Even the smoothest sand beaches can cause chafing when you’re rolling around on them-especially if you’re already sweaty. “Chafing can cause swelling, inflammation, burning, redness, and rash,” explains Melissa Wolf, M.D., author of Do You Have a Tipped Uterus? 69 Things Your Gynecologist Wishes You Knew.

RELATED: 8 Reasons You Should Have a Summer Fling

3. It can up your risk of infection. “Sand abrasions around the genital area can increase susceptibility to infections including chlamydia, herpes, and HIV,” warns Wolf. Not only that, but the friction issue can also do major damage on condoms.

4. Your guy won’t be the only one attracted below the belt. Sand flies, fleas, and other critters will suddenly have intimate access to your most sensitive parts, reminds Wolf. Bites on your vulva area-or on his penis-are uncomfortable at best, and may become infected in the upcoming days because of the hot, enclosed environment created by your undies.

5. Wet and wild? Not really. Think you can bypass these downsides by heading into the ocean? Not exactly. Even though it may seem like the ocean creates a slippery environment, that’s not necessarily the case. Weirdly, water can actually contribute to vaginal dryness, which won’t exactly make sex feel awesome.

  • By Anna Davies

In the movies, when a couple has sex on the beach, it’s always spontaneous, romantic, almost magical. But let’s be real, if you try to do that, you’ll likely end up with sand where it’s not supposed to be—and not much else. That doesn’t mean you can’t have beach sex, it just means you need to prepare before you take the plunge.

“The most important thing is to plan in advance,” says Janet Brito, PhD, a sexologist and clinical psychologist in Honolulu (so you know she knows her beaches). She even suggests running through a few “what if” scenarios—like “What if it starts raining?”—to make sure you’ve covered all your bases. That might sound like work (the opposite of what sex is supposed to be), but think of it like planning a mini-vacation. You’re giving yourself and your sexual partner something to look forward to, which can only help up the ante when the moment finally comes.

Besides checking your weather app for rain, these expert-approved tips will help ensure having sex on the beach is actually fun:

1. Make sure it’s legal.

Nothing kills the ~vibe~ faster than getting arrested (real handcuffs are way less sexy than furry ones, after all). So before you have your romp in the hay sand, “make sure you understand the laws around having sex in a public area,” Brito says. Yes, having sex in a semi-forbidden place is a big part of what makes it so hot, but it’s not worth getting a criminal record. Imagine trying to explain that in your next job interview…

2. Find a private and secluded beach.

This might seem obvious, but just in case you thought about banging out a quickie on a popular beach—don’t. “The more isolated, the better, so you can really let loose and avoid someone walking by,” Brito says. Depending on your locale, you might have to wait until nightfall for the beach to clear out, but hey, there’s nothing better than making love in the moonlight, right?

3. Come prepared.

You want to be spontaneous, sure, but you also don’t want to get sand (or anything else) in your vagina. To increase your level of comfort and decrease friction burns, Brito recommends putting together a little sex on the beach kit that includes:

  • a sand-proof blanket or an oversized blanket
  • a compact towel

While it isn’t necessary to bring lube, if you know that makes sex more enjoyable for you, pack it. Don’t substitute sunscreen for lube, either, since that can cause infection or disintegrate latex condoms, according to Brito.

4. Wear something that is easy to take off.

You want to choose an outfit that’s sexy, sure, but you also want it to be functional because, duh. Brito recommends a sarong or stretchy shorts. (To prevent insect bites, you should also consider wearing some bug repellent, too.)

Want more hot AF sex tips? Ask these grandmas:

5. Choose your beach sex spot wisely.

Look for an area that’s clear of debris and relatively level. Oh, and make sure you’re far enough away from the ocean so, you know, the tide won’t roll in unexpectedly.

6. Set the scene.

Once you’ve found the perfect spot, Brito suggests keeping your socks and covered shoes on until you’re sitting on your sand-proof blanket. “This way you won’t bring sand into your designated area, like you would with sandals,” she explains. Once you’re settled in, just chill for a sec, taking in the scenery and each other.

7. Make time for foreplay.

Just because you’re having beach sex doesn’t mean you have to settle for a quickie. Instead, Brito suggests covering yourself and your sexual partner with the compact towel and exploring each other’s bodies. If dirty talk is your thing, work that in, too. Whatever you’re into, “let your imagination roll and your hands wander.”

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In fact, Brito actually recommends outercourse over intercourse on the beach. “You can definitely enjoy manual or oral sex under a blanket and have loads of pleasurable fun without calling much attention to yourself,” she says.

8. Get into position.

Not all beach sex positions are created equal (sorry but it’s true). To avoid getting sand in unwanted places, Brito recommend “positions where your genitals are the farthest away from the sand, like doggy style.”

That’s not exactly the best position for avoiding attention, though, so you might also want to try the napping sex position, she says. It’s pretty simple: “Get in a spooning position, like you are getting ready to take a nap, and then rock back and forth, until you find the rhythm that works best for both of you.”

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If you brought a beach chair (points for preparedness), you can also try Cowgirl, either facing your partner or facing away. Missionary isn’t the best sex position for the beach, but if you really want to do it, Brito suggests putting a pillow underneath you to elevate the vagina so you don’t get any sand down there. Whatever position you choose, use the compact towel to cover yourself.

9. If someone walks by, don’t panic.

This is when that compact towel really comes in handy. Once you notice someone approaching, make sure you’re covered, and act as casual as you can, considering the, uh, situation. “If you’re having oral sex, then stop, and rest your head on your partner’s belly or thighs instead,” Brito suggests. “If you’re having intercourse, then stop thrusting, and cuddle instead.” No one will be the wiser…

10. Stop immediately if you get sand in your genitals.

You’ve taken enough precautions that this **shouldn’t** happen, but if it does, don’t worry. Just stop the second you’re uncomfortable and rinse off in the water. (I mean, that’s literally what it’s there for…)

11. Cool off when you’re done.

Now that you’ve gotten all hot and heavy, nothing feels better than a quick dip in the ocean, says Brito. Just make sure the surf isn’t too rough before going in, and use your dry towel to clean up, she says. If it’s not safe to cool off in the ocean, you can also take a cool shower together back home.

Once you’re done, well, you might like the way your partner’s skin glistens from the water so much that you decide to go for round two…

Couple filmed having sex on Thai beach on New Year’s Eve say ‘we’re sorry’

A couple have issued a grovelling apology after being caught having sex on a Thai beach.

Russians Roman Grigorenko, 26, and Daria Vinogradova, 19, were filmed romping in Pattaya, Thailand, on New Year’s Eve.

Locals filmed the couple undressing and getting intimate on the beach, before performing a sexual act for around 30 seconds and then leaving.

Police arrested the pair after tracking them to their hotel and reportedly fined them £125 each.

They were also filmed apologising for their actions, while wearing surgical masks and clasping their hands in prayer.

However, some questioned whether their remorse was genuine after spotting Grigorenko’s Pornhub t-shirt, advertising one of the biggest pornography websites in the world.

The pair were filmed having sex on a beach in Pattaya (Image: ViralPress)

The couple were drinking on the beach after leaving a nearby bar, news.com.au reports.

Police Lieutenant Colonel Piyapong Ensarn said their behaviour could tarnish the reputation of Pattaya, which is known for its sex industry and nightlife.

He added: “Both tourists confessed to being the people in the video clip.

Daria Vinogradova, 19, was fined along with her boyfriend (Image: ViralPress) Onlookers recorded the pair and informed the police (Image: ViralPress)

“Before the incident, both of them travelled to celebrate the New Year. They left a bar on Walking Street then continued to sit on the beach drinking alcohol.

“They said they felt sexual arousal and because they were intoxicated lost the awareness of where they were and started to have sex.”

The couple insisted they had no idea anyone nearby was watching them, the Lieutenant Colonel added.

The couple wore face masks and clasped their hands in prayer as they made a public apology (Image: ViralPress) Roman Grigorenko, 26, said he was sorry for offending locals (Image: ViralPress)

According to the Thai Examiner, Grigorenko said: “I apologise for offending citizens and harming the reputation of the city. We’re sorry.”

Last year another couple were caught having sex in public in Pattaya.

Footage of the bizarre incident shows someone filming from their car parked on the road above Jomtien Beach – around 165 km south-east of Bangkok.

The Russians engaged in a sex act for around 30 seconds (Image: ViralPress) Police tracked the pair using CCTV footage (Image: ViralPress)

The clip zooms in and shows a man and women getting steamy in the sea as passers by stroll along the pavement with a clear view.

The man and woman can be seen bobbing up and down in the sea, unfazed by their very public amorous get-together.

A man filming the scene can be heard asking : “What are you up to?

They were arrested at their hotel (Image: ViralPress)

“I don’t dare ask – they have been doing this for 10 minutes.

“Are they playing piggybank..or.”

Top news stories from Mirror Online

Some social media users took a sarcastic view, writing: “People are so mean. People are drowning and you film instead of hurrying up to help.”

The city of Pattaya, located on Thailand’s eastern Gulf coast, is famous for its sex industry and nightlife – with millions of tourists flocking there each year.

Jomtien Beach is one of the main tourist hotspots in the area – offering a tree-lined 6km stretch of sand and bars.

Russian tourists caught on camera having sex on beach issue grovelling apology

Warning: Viewer discretion is advised

A couple who were left red-faced after being caught on camera having sex on a beach have issued a grovelling apology to police.

Russian tourists Roman Grigorenko, 26, and Daria Vinogradova, 19, had been celebrating New Year’s Eve when they left a bar and went to relax by the sea in Pattaya, Thailand.

Watch the video above

The pair continued drinking bottles of a beer but they were ”overcome with arousal” and began romping on the sand.

Video taken by an astonished onlooker shows Daria straddling her partner before she removed her denim hot pants and unbuttoned Roman’s jeans.

The man then mounted her and they made love for around 30 seconds before going back to their hotel.

Tourists caught on camera having sex on beach issue grovelling apology. Credit: ViralPress

Police were given footage of the beach romp and immediately assigned the region’s top cop and five others to catch the couple.

Speaking at a press conference, Police Lieutenant Colonel Piyapong Ensarn said: ”Such an act destroys the good image of Pattaya as a tourist resort. Officers were immediately dispatched to the beach to look for clues.”

Roman and Daria were identified on CCTV and cops used the camera to follow their footsteps to a nearby hotel.

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‘I apologise for offending citizens and harming the reputation of the city’

They were both arrested and questioned on suspicion of public indecency.

Footage shows the pair, both wearing surgical masks to hide their faces, making a grovelling apology and following local customs by clasping their hands in a prayer motion.

Roman said: ”I apologise for offending citizens and harming the reputation of the city. We’re sorry.”

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Pol Lt Col Piyapong Ensarn said the pair were fined and released.

He added: ”Both tourists confessed to be the people in the video clip. Before the incident, both of them traveled to celebrate the New Year. They left a bar on Walking Street then continued to sit on the beach drinking alcohol.

”They said they felt sexual arousal and because they were intoxicated, lost the awareness of where they were and started to have sex.

”A good citizen saw them and shot a video which he gave to us to follow and make an arrest.”

Sex at a beach

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