At BCSSH, we tend to talk a lot about how to make sex safe. While informed decisions regarding sex are extremely important, we also think that sex should be fun. So, whether you want to switch things up with a long-term partner or are just adventurous by nature, here are our top 25 ways to spice up your sex life tonight.

  1. Get out of bed. A change of scenery is one of the simplest ways to keep a sense of novelty in your sex life. These students definitely found some creative places on campus. Public indecency aside, some popular favorites include on a couch, desk, armless chair, or testing your balance against a wall. But be mindful of roommates, please!
  2. Make eye contact. Focus on making eye contact with your partner in (or out of) bed. While you don’t want to have a staring contest, making eye contact when you feel particularly confident will instantly transfer that energy to your partner.

  3. Get a new point of view. Do the deed in front of a mirror. Watching yourselves in action is a surefire turn-on, without risking a sex tape being posted online.
  4. Keep your clothes on. Try only removing key pieces of clothing. Unzip their fly instead of removing their pants, or push your underwear to the side instead of removing it. It may seem silly to think about, but that kind of need-you-now urgency can make your session seriously hot.

  5. Play show and tell. This one requires a little restraint from your partner. Under their watchful eye, use your own hand to show them where you like to be touched and how. Then have them try, being sure to communicate what feels good.
  6. Try blind oral. Blindfold your partner before performing oral sex, using an actual blindfold or a discarded piece of clothing. Inhibiting their sight will make all the other senses hyper-alert, and not knowing what you will do next will heighten anticipation.

  7. Saved by the bell. Set a timer for 30 minutes and don’t touch one another anywhere that would be covered by a bathing suit until the timer goes off. Though that may seem like a long time, letting the anticipation build will only improve your experience.
  8. Look, no hands! Don’t touch your partner with your hands for the entirety of a session. Instead, explore each other’s bodies with your lips, skin, and breath.

  9. Play sexy trivia. If you have a significant history with your partner, take turns asking one another questions about your time together. Try “Where was our first date?” or “When was our first kiss?” If they answer correctly, you have to remove an article of clothing. If you stump them, their clothes come off.
  10. Give sex dice a roll. We’ve all seen those dice that tell you “ a .” Try making your own. Together, list your six favorite sex acts for one die, and decide who gives and who receives on odds and evens for the other. Take turn rolling the dice and enjoying your favorite moves.

  11. Find your alter ego. If you’re usually quiet and submissive in bed, try taking charge. If you tend to wear soft pastels, try wearing black lace and sky-high heels. Discovering new sides of the person you’ve gotten to know in bed never gets old.
  12. Experiment with your grooming. See our Guide to Down Under for ideas and tips. Changing the appearance of your pubic area not only adds new visual appeal, but can create different sensations as well.

  13. Make a sex playlist. Include different genres, tempos, and rhythms. Try to match your pace and rhythm with that of each new song.
  14. Send a sexy message. Send suggestive messages to each other throughout the day. Be as vague or explicit as you want. Keeping your thoughts in the gutter all day will definitely pay off at night.

  15. Or a sexy massage. Massages can be both relaxing and sexy. Get soothing-scented massage oil and take turns massaging one another. If you are using condoms (which we hope you are!) make sure the oil is marked as condom-safe.

  16. Try a new position every time. Many couples get into certain habits in the bedroom because they know what makes their partner happy. While this definitely has it perks, trying new things is a great way to find new things that you might like. Not feeling creative? Scroll through here before your partner comes over so you have some great ideas ahead of time.

  17. Don’t have morning sex. Well, don’t have morning sex right away. If you and your partner usually kick off your mornings with a bang (pun definitely intended), try to hold off a bit longer. Try surprising your partner once they get out of the shower instead to keep the morning just as interesting as the night before.
  18. Role-play. Ever had a crush on your teacher? Well, now you can act on it – legally! Role-playing is a safe, fun way for you and your partner to act out your wildest fantasies. Give “reverse cowgirl” a whole new meaning and dress up rodeo-style. The sky is the limit. As long as both you and your partner are comfortable, role-playing can provide hours of entertainment.

  19. Break out the handcuffs. If you’re ready to try something new, why not consider bondage? Tying your partner to the bed can allow your inner dominatrix to break out and surprise both of you with a great time; conversely, you might find that you enjoy being almost completely at your partner’s mercy. (Remember to agree on a safeword: a word that, once said, immediately stops the proceedings.) Bondage can also tie in – no pun intended – quite nicely with #18.
  20. Buy a present for two. Not sure what to get your partner for a birthday/anniversary/Valentines Day? Let them choose their own gift. Open the Victoria’s Secret website (or any other website of your choice) on their computer, and tell your partner to bookmark their three favorite items. Pick your favorite of the three to wear for the special occasion. We guarantee your partner will spend all day thinking about which present they will get to “unwrap” that night.

  21. Good enough to eat. Play a little game with chocolate, whipped cream, honey, or any other of your favorite flavors. Your job: place the sweets of your choice on the spots you want your partner to pay some extra attention. Your partner’s job: find your “sweet spots.” Eyes closed.
  22. Try silent sex. Maybe you’ve already mastered this one because of your building’s paper-thin walls. Maybe not. Either way, challenging yourself and your partner to silent sex can be even more exciting than the full-volume version. Without the usual noises, you’ll have to pay attention to your partner’s other physical cues, and that close attention could be really hot.

  23. Have a movie night! A dirty movie night, that is. Watching an explicit film can get you both in the mood and give you some great new ideas to try on your own!
  24. Home movie night! Dim the lights and make your own XXX rated movie. Even if you don’t press record, setting up a camera can increase one’s willingness or curiosity to try something out of the ordinary. See the previous tips if you’re stumped on what to experiment with.

  25. Attend Sex Toy Bingo. Come alone and win a prize for yourself or bring your partner. We’re even selling couples’ tickets (2 for $5)!

We know that reading this post has made you eager to get to work, but please make sure you have the consent of your partner before trying anything new. One way is to “accidentally” leave this post open on their computer. When they ask you about it later, respond casually, “Oh those were just some new things I was thinking we could try.” Once they get over the shock of how amazing you are, get ready to play!

Peace, Love, and Lube,
BC Students for Sexual Health

Roberto Westbrook/ Getty Images

Alrighty, folks. Time to drop some truth. As much as we might not want to admit it, we all get into a sex rut now and then.

Maybe we’re tired af because of hectic work schedules or raising kids (or both). Maybe we’ve been with our partners for a long time and have lost some of the thrill and excitement we shared when we were younger and less busy or exhausted. Maybe our mind is constantly racing with those meetings that need to be prepared for, that laundry that needs to be done, those dishes that need to be cleaned or those bills that need to be paid. Or maybe we’re single and are just starting to venture into the world of sex and dating once again. There’s a lot going on in our day-to-day lives that leave us feeling a little worn-out or deflated. And when you’re lethargic, it’s hard to motivate yourself to get excited for romance and spice things up in the bedroom.

Whatever the reason, sometimes when we fall into a sex rut and want to get our mojo back, we need to take things to the next level when candlelight and baths just won’t do the trick. Thankfully, Scary Mommy’s here to help you get your head back in the game and, as the Spice Girls would say, ‘spice up your (sex) life.’ We turned to an expert for help and got a list of super hot and steamy tips from Dr. Shannon Chavez, a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist with 12 years of experience in the field.

Grab a pen and some paper, it’s time to get frisky.

1. Set a date night and start with sex. “Don’t wait until the end of the night for sex. Starting with sex will prioritize connection and can boost your mood for the evening. Sex can help you build up an appetite for a good dinner and release the feel good chemicals in the brain that make you feel closer and bonded to your partner. If you wait until after your date, you will more than likely feel full, fatigued, and not so sexual.”

2. Play erotic games and get creative. “One of the most common complaints of couples is sexual boredom. Sexual routines can be boring and feel like work. Sexual novelty is an essential ingredient for motivation towards sex. It can increase desire to be creative. Sex is a way for adults to play and enjoy mutual pleasure. Games can include making a sex fort (a place to have sex other than the bed including your favorite blankets, pillows, sex toys, and lube) or dressing up and exploring role play. Games can be a striptease, exploring sensory play with objects or toys, or erotic truth or dare.”

Related: How To Cope If You’re Living In A Sexless Marriage

3. Get dressed up and then take your time undressing each other. “Dressing up helps you feel good about yourself. It doesn’t matter if you are going to get messy or naked later on. Put something on that makes you feel good in your body and that feels sexy to you. Take your time undressing each other. Start with one piece of clothing at a time and come into contact with every inch of your partner’s skin as you remove the clothing. Make it a sensual and slow experience. This gives you time to get aroused and turned on.”

Cavan Images/ Getty Images

4. Move your bodies. “Lack of exercise can dampen libido. Movement helps increase circulation, release tension, and make you more connected to your body. Try different forms of movement together like dancing, yoga, or stretching as a form of foreplay. Getting embodied helps you get out of your head and focus on your arousal.”

5. Ditch the TV watching at the end of the night. “Most people are connecting with their TVs and phones more than a partner. It consumes energy and can be an unnecessary distraction from your partner. Plus TV watching can drain your libido and interrupt your sleep cycle. Focus on activities that are relaxing and connecting like a hand caress, kissing, massage, and sensual caressing.”

6. Make a sexy playlist that puts you in the mood. “Music evokes emotions and helps you feel more present. Focus on songs that turn you on and make you feel good. Include songs that bring back positive memories together. Dancing together can be erotic and sensual. Make eye contact with your partner and move your bodies together before getting in bed.”

7. Write your own erotic story and read it to your partner. “Fantasy is a big component of sexual desire. Write a sexual story about you and your partner. It doesn’t have to be a long novel but a short story that involves the sexual acts and build up that you are craving in your relationship. It allows you to open up a dialogue about fantasies and share these with each other in a creative way.”

8. Create erotic menus together. “Sex doesn’t always need to be passionate lovemaking. Sometimes you need a quickie or a sensual massage or something like mutual masturbation. Design different erotic activities that you can choose from on different nights. Make a calendar or schedule for your erotic menus that you both can commit to and prioritize. Alternate with who initiates the erotic activity so that you can both get comfortable with asserting your erotic desires. Erotic menus are helpful to get out of routines or specific sexual scripts around sex.”

This article was originally published August 2018. It has been updated with even spicier tips for the bedroom.


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As a magazine intent on providing you with all the most gentlemanly of information; from classic cars and stunning yachts to exclusive travel retreats and high-end designer brands, we feel that it is our responsibility to educate you in all aspects of a modern gentleman’s life. It is time therefore, that we feel we should broach the subject of Sex. Yes, we said it. Whether deemed gentlemanly or not, in the spirit of St Valentine it’s time we tackled the subject that, (let’s be honest), rarely leaves a man’s mind. So, to kick things off with a bang (no pun intended), we thought we’d impart some of wisdom on how to spice up said sex life.

The longer a relationship has been going on, the more likely your sex life is to suffer. Breaking news, right? No matter the situation or circumstances, with the dreaded ‘Valentine’s Day’ just around the corner, we’ve come up with a few simple ways that you and your partner can spice things up. Nothing too graphic of course, we are after all The Gentleman’s Journal, and we all know that a Gentleman never tells, but everyone needs a little discreet advice every now and and again…

While most ‘sexy’ text messages have about as much appeal as a dry-hump, there is indeed a way that you can make them work. Don’t go all X-Rated on your innocent iPhone, but try instead texting her about a memorable time you had sex – ‘I can’t stop thinking about that time on the beach* in Mexico*’ ought to do the trick. Or a similar, innuendo-ridden one liner that’s personal to the two of you.

*insert relevant time & place before she thinks you’re cheating

We’re not talking mid-dishwasher loading or in the midst of an argument over taking out the bins, but don’t underestimate the impact of the element of surprise. If your sex life is more akin to attending double history on a Friday afternoon at school, than it is 50 Shades of Grey, it might be time to add some surprise. Grab her the moment you walk through the door after work, or even when she’s just stepped out of the shower. She’ll thank you later.

Nothing embarrassing, but this really can be the best way to spice up your sex life. Tell her what you want to do or indeed who you want be and ask her what she wants. Then all you need to do is set it up – from meeting at a bar with different names to playing it safe at home with a bit of ‘dress up’, this is guaranteed to get things back on track in the bedroom.

We’re not saying you have to spend a fortune (although she probably wouldn’t complain if you did), but leave a beautifully wrapped box at the end of her bed for when she gets home with lingerie inside is sure to put the fire back into the bedroom. Alternatively send flowers to her office with a suggestive note and you’ll be on her mind all day.


If your sex life is becoming predictable, try spritzing her bedsheets with your aftershave when you leave in the morning, or even better if you’re out of town for a few days. Smell is proven to be the biggest evocation of memory of all our senses, a little reminder of what she has to look forward to will keep things fresh.

Sex should be a discovery not a destination. Explore new areas and regions to find optimum sensation central – from the base of her spine to ears and neck.

If you’ve ever had a fantasy about sex (and what self respecting man hasn’t?) then a sexual rut is the perfect time to make the fantasy a reality.

Adrenaline is one of the biggest aphrodisiacs there is. Bungy-jumping, rock-climbing, or even just sex in a public place where you might get caught is enough to bid farewell to every couples dry spell.

No, not for god-children or siblings, we’re talking grown-up shopping. It doesn’t have to be the Soho kind of shop, you can keep it to on-line if you like, but a little added fun in the bedroom is no bad thing.

If your social or working calenders are so jam packed that sex really has become as rare as a stylish mullet then maybe it’s time to lay down the rules. Pick in a night in your calender and make sure you both keep it free, maybe turn it into an entire date night – book a restaurant or have a car collect you both.

Spice It Up: 5 Ways to Increase Your Sex Drive Naturally

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Many factors can negatively impact your sex drive, from aging, to illness, to stress. It’s perfectly normal to feel less-than-excited about sex sometimes: Research has shown that about 43 percent of American women and 31 percent of American men have experienced sexual dysfunction.

Getting back in the mood is easier than you think, and you don’t have to resort to drugs. Here are five natural ways to boost your sex drive and get down to business.

1. Add aphrodisiacs to your diet

There isn’t a lot of scientific evidence that aphrodisiac foods like oysters, figs, chocolate and hot peppers actually work to increase your libido, but there’s certainly no harm in trying them. While they may not have biological effects, they can have psychological effects. Plus, the nutrients found in many of the foods are good for you and can help with any physical pursuits, including sex.

2. Check out a photo of your partner

Helen Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers University, led a study that found when people look at a photo of a lover for 30 seconds or longer, their brain begins producing dopamine, which is a libido booster. Grab your favorite picture of your partner and spend a few minutes each day looking at it.

3. Get in some cardio exercise

Aerobic workouts like running, biking and swimming help improve blood flow to your sex organs. Exercise also boosts endorphins, which are chemicals in your brain that make you feel good and put you in the mood for sex. Plus, working out can increase your testosterone levels afterward and make you feel sexier, so consider a romp when you come home from the gym.

4. Drink red wine

It’s no secret that a little alcohol can lower your inhibitions and make you a little more flirtatious, but red wine is better than liquor or beer when it comes to boosting your libido. Research has shown that those who drink moderate amounts of red wine had a greater sex drive than those who didn’t drink or drank white wine. The color of the wine and the fact that it increases circulation were thought to be the reasons behind the results. Both men and women are attracted to members of the opposite sex who wear red.

5. Hug it out

Studies have shown that 20-second hugs can increase levels of oxytocin, which helps people feel bonded. Hug and cuddle whenever you can, and try to touch your partner more often to spark feelings of intimacy, which tend to trigger sexual desire.

How To Spice Up Your Sex Life

Testosterone either in pill, patch, or topical form seems to give some women a libido lift. In one study, the patch increased the sex drive of women who had been put into surgical menopause (they had their ovaries removed) by about 50 percent. But it’s not clear if the hormone helps other women at all. What’s more, a recent study found there are some potential negative side effects to women using testosterone products, including acne and abnormal hair growth.

“We don’t know what normal levels of testosterone are in women,” says Wierman. “And while low testosterone can definitely dampen your drive, there’s no solid evidence showing that elevating the hormone in the body is effective or safe.”

Q. For years I had a mind-blowing sex life with guys I wasn’t in love with. Now I’m with a man I love and want to marry, but I don’t want to tear his clothes off. Is this relationship doomed?

A. Only if you keep comparing your boyfriend to those old flames. It’s a sad fact, but unavailability may fan the fires of desire. “When a woman feels loved, then rejected, and then loved again — a typical pattern in unhealthy relationships — the sex will often be very passionate,” says Schwartz. “What’s fueling it is the uncertainty of when you’ll get that attention again.”

In the long run, says Schwartz, you’ll be happier and more satisfied with a committed relationship and all that comes with it, such as trust, companionship, and a consistent stream of love and affection. And if you’re attracted to one another and emotionally connected, the sex is only going to improve with practice. Try experimenting with new sexual positions, toys, and locations. “Make love on a beach or take a bath together,” she says. “The idea is to create an entirely new kind of passion.”

Q. I don’t feel turned on until I’m having sex. Is that normal?

A. Completely. Some women get aroused simply by thinking about hooking up, while others need a little physical stimulation to get them started. No matter which type of woman you are, it’s completely normal, says Wierman. Your testosterone levels might be a little on the low side, making you receptive to sex but not exactly lusting after it. And that’s no big deal. The real question is, does the fact that your drive is in neutral bother you? If not and you do enjoy being intimate and having an orgasm, your libido is “normal” for you.

How can I improve my sex life? Expert tips to spice up your relationship

Glossy mags and TV soaps may give the impression the nation is constantly at it, but a recent University of Southampton study revealed that women tire of sex with their partner more quickly than men do.

Women are four times more likely to stop caring about sex as men. Frequently, it can be as early as the one-year mark when a yawn replaces a yes, please!

“A drop in sex drive isn’t always a problem,” says social psychologist Dr Petra Boynton,

“Sex drive naturally fluctuates and if you’re happy having sex occasionally – or even not at all – that’s fine. But it can be a problem for couples when there are mismatched expectations.”

If you’ve gone off sex, it’s worth ­rekindling an interest if only for the health benefits. “Orgasm stimulates production of the body’s natural killer cells, which fight infection, boost immunity and even offer some ­protection against cancer,” says ­psychotherapist Marisa Peer, author of You Can Be Younger.

“You also release oxytocin, dubbed the love hormone, which boosts mood, ­alleviates stress and reinforces the bond between you and your partner.”

These are some of the ways you and your partner can help to bring a little spice back into the bedroom and ramp up the passion.

(Image: Getty)

Prepare a sex ‘pleasure chest’

Many busy couples come unstuck because they’re not prepared for getting playful when they suddenly have some time.

The easiest solution is to stock a pleasure chest and keep it in your bedroom.

Include massage oil, a blindfold, a sex toy or two – anything you two enjoy during sex.

Get adventurous in the bedroom (Image: E+)

Give each other permission to try new things in bed

Doing your tried and tested A-to-B style sex snuffs out the spark. You might fancy giving a new position or technique a go – and your partner might too.

Try taking turns choosing something from a sex guide. Close your eyes and point to a random page.

Dare yourselves to do what’s on that page.

Get in the mood for sex with a kiss

Don’t underestimate the power of kissing. When you kiss your partner, he passes on to you, through his saliva, testosterone. This sex hormone can work wonders to increase your libido. Not only this, the art of kissing has anti-anxiety properties; so kissing is a perfect way to reduce tension. And it will create more intimacy between you as a couple. So many couples get complacent and kiss their partner without thinking. So start kissing as passionately as you did at the beginning of your relationship and it will work wonders for your love life.

Love your body

Love your body and your other half will too (Image: E+)

Women who see themselves as ­unattractive are more likely to report a drop in sexual desire with age, according to a study from Penn State University, US, on women aged from 35 to 55.

So Dr Boynton says: “Concentrate on what you like about your body and remember that you’re almost certainly your own worst critic.”

Love your body and better sex will follow.

Sex doesn’t have to be ‘static’ – time to mix it up

Mix up your sexual positions (Image: Getty Images)

Most couples begin sex in their favoured position and finish in it.

Why not start in one position and after a time move into another?

You might begin in Missionary position (still one of the country’s favourites) with him on top.

But with a bit of manoeuvring you can roll into Lover’s Embrace position – on your sides, facing each other.

It’s a lovely position for sensual lovemaking where you can kiss and cuddle.

Try taking up the new Ann Summers 30-day sex position challenge with its list of 30 sex positions to help people spice things up in the bedroom.

Each position is assigned a difficulty level. Ann Summers wants couples to ease in on day one with ‘The Speed Bump’, a beginner’s move, and progress to the likes of ‘The Carry on Climax’, which apparently guarantees “deep penetration”.

Try the Ann Summers 30-day sex position challenge

(Image: Ann Summers) (Image: Ann Summers)

Consider a quickie

Too busy? According to Marisa Peer, satisfying sex need only take 10 minutes. “Get out of your routine, try a different time of day, a different room, watch a sexy film or try role play,” she suggests.

And don’t wait till you’re in the mood. “If you’re not interested to begin with, once you get started, the chances are you soon will be.”

take 10 minutes out of your busy life to have a quickie

Chill out

High levels of the stress hormone cortisol can lower sex drive, says the Society for Endocrinology. Set aside five minutes a day for relaxation. Try the Mental Health Foundation’s free podcasts at

Ditch the cigs

Smoking damages arteries, affecting circulation. It affects a man’s ability to get and maintain an erection and impedes men’s and women’s ability to orgasm, says Dr Michael Roizen, author of The Real Age Makeover. To quit, visit

Get fitter

“Studies have shown women who exercise frequently experience an increase in speed of arousal and ­intensity of orgasms,” says Relate ­counsellor and psychosexual therapist Denise Knowles.

Aim for at least five half-hour sessions a week of moderate exercise like brisk walking or three 25-minute sessions of vigorous aerobic exercise.

Sort your sleep out

Lack of sleep will make you grumpy and reduce your sex drive (Image: iStockphoto)

Men who had less than five hours of sleep a night for a week had reduced levels of testosterone, the libido hormone, a study in Chicago found. Not enough zzzzs also makes men and women grumpy – not an aphrodisiac!

Keep a diary

“Record everything for a week – how much sleep you got, whether you exercised, what you ate, if you were stressed and how you and your partner got on. Then you can see what may be getting in the way,” says Dr Boynton.

Get talking

If you’re rushed off your feet all day and flop in front of the TV every night, you may feel emotionally distanced from your partner, leading to a drop off in sex. “Think what would make your relationship more enjoyable, regardless of sex, then share that with your partner,” says Dr Boynton.

Tone up down there

Tone up your pelvic floor to improve your sex life

A third of new mums and half of ­menopausal women have a weakened pelvic floor – the muscles that support the uterus, bladder and bowel. Besides leading to accidental urine leakage, it also reduces sexual sensation.

“Strengthening the pelvic floor improves blood flow, improving the intensity and frequency of orgasm,” says Barry Fowler, manufacturer of the Pelvic Toner, the only device for stress incontinence available on the NHS, £29.99 plus postage. Visit or call 0117 974 3534.

Resolve niggles

Unresolved resentment can lead to sex problems, says Denise Knowles. “I often see couples where one partner doesn’t realise they’re withholding sex because they feel resentful about something – perhaps doing more than their share of the housework. Talking is key to addressing these issues.” Counselling service Relate offers a free online live chat, visit .

Check your meds

Certain medications, including some antidepressants and contraceptive pills, can affect libido. If you think this affects you, talk to your GP, who may be able to prescribe an alternative.

Check your diet

Munching chocolate can boost your libido (Image: Getty Images)

There are numerous studies that suggest chocolate helps increase desire. Good news, right?

Jaya Jaya Myra , an internationally acclaimed author and natural lifestyle expert, has a list of more foods that can help.

“Celery is a great one that will work for both men and women,” she says. “Foods like oysters only work for men, as they help increase testosterone. Figs are considered potent for men and women, although they may affect men more strongly.”

Herbs, too. Eating plenty of garlic and basil works wonders, according to some scientists. While all herbs and spices supposedly do you good.

Healthline says: “Ginkgo biloba, an extract derived from the leaf of the Chinese ginkgo tree, is another herb found to treat antidepressant-induced sexual dysfunction.”

Finally, fruit and veg generally. Figs, bananas, and avocados are considered aphrodisiacs. It’s because they contain important vitamins and minerals that increase blood flow.

Have an MOT

If you’ve tried all these with no result, see your GP to rule out conditions that could affect your sex drive.

“Diabetes, high blood pressure and heart disease all affect the circulatory system and can make erections more difficult in men and orgasm more difficult in women,” says Denise Knowles. “Underactive thyroid, ­menopause, stress and depression can all lower libido,” she adds.

Spice your sex life

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