We earn a commission for products purchased through some links in this article.
What is Tantric sex and how can it spice up your sex life? Put simply, it involves slowing down and enjoying all of the build up to the main event, rather than rushing to get there. The opposite of a quickie, Tantric sex is all about enjoying each other and increasing intimacy.
- What is Tantric sex?
- Why should I give Tantric sex a try?
- Tantric sex is good for you if…
- How to perform Tantric sex
- Tantric sex: What to do
- Tantric sex exercises
- How to get your partner involved in Tantric sex
- Top Tantric tip
- Tantric Sex 101: An Introduction to Enrich Intimacy
- What Is Tantric Sex? 5 Ways It Can Make Your Sex Life Better
- It takes the performance element out of sex
- It allows you to communicate exactly what you like
- Connection is one of the pillars of tantric sex
- You get to redefine what sex is
- It can lead to better orgasms
- What is tantric sex?
- What are the supposed benefits of tantric sex?
- How long do tantric sex orgasms last for?
What is Tantric sex?
Tantric sex is an ancient Hindu practice that has been going for over 5,000 years, and means ‘the weaving and expansion of energy’.
It’s a slow form of sex that’s said to increase intimacy and create a mind-body connection that can lead to powerful orgasms.
Tantric sex – or Tantra as it’s often known – can be done by anyone interested in rebooting their sex life and finding new depth to their love-making.
If that sounds confusing, think of it this way – if quickie sex is the sexual equivalent of a takeaway, tantric sex is a Michelin-starred meal, slowly and lovingly prepared and all the more delicious thanks to the wait.
Why should I give Tantric sex a try?
Tantric experts believe that if you extend the time and effort you put into sex, you will reach a higher and more intense form of ecstasy.
And it obviously works, because celebs such as Tom Hanks and Sting have said how great it is. In fact, Sting’s wife Trudie Styler once famously boasted that her husband could make love for more than 5 hours at a time!
Tantric sex is good for you if…
– You’re looking for something new to do in bed
– You want to become even more intimate with your partner
– You want to try to reconnect with your husband or boyfriend
How to perform Tantric sex
The good news is Tantric sex isn’t ‘goal oriented’, which means you don’t have to work hard at learning what to do.
The trick is to take your mind off your orgasm and instead focus on making foreplay enjoyable and rewarding until you’re ready to take it to its natural end.
This is easier said than done of course, so to delay orgasm Tantric sex experts use a variety of methods including meditative techniques, breath control and massage.
Tantric sex: What to do
If you want to give it a go, try the following:
– Start by turning down the lights and shutting out the rest of the world.
– Loosen your body: Tantra is about moving energy through the body, so expert Louise Van Der Velde suggests ‘shaking your limbs vigorously to energise and unblock your system before you start’.
– Stay off the bed: This will trigger the sleep button in your brain, which, according to Louise ‘means you’ll be settling for a quickie romp instead of deep connection and loving sex, which is ultimately what Tantra is all about.’
– Get comfortable: Try lying down with your partner on the floor and slowly start to touch each other, taking your time to leisurely make your way around their body.
– Experiment: Try a variety of touches – firm massage, light feathery touches, and gentle stroking. The aim here is to heighten his senses in a slow and intense way so that you’re building him to a peak but not taking him all the way and vice versa. Performed in the right way this can prolong sex and your pleasure for hours.
– Think about breathing: If you find your mind starts to wander, re-focus on your breathing. Inhale as your partner exhales and vice versa – it can help improve the connection between the two of you and keep your mind on what’s happening.
– Don’t give up: If you don’t last beyond 10 minutes, try again. Tantric sex takes time to get to grips with because we’re all used to sex in a western way – this means we expect sex to have an obvious start, middle and end.
With practice you can let go of this idea and enjoy sex without thinking about the conclusion as well as be able to control your body so you can delay climax and increase the strength of your orgasms.
Tantric sex exercises
As Tantric sex is all about intimacy between two partners, the following exercises can help you get a hang of Tantra:
1. Try the heart breath to tune into each other. Stand opposite one another and look into each other’s eyes placing your left hand on your partner’s heart. He should then place his hand over your left one and you should try to match each other’s breathing for at least two minutes.
2. Sit face-to-face (this works better if you sit in his lap). Wrap your arms as tightly around one another and press your body against each other. This kind of skin contact promotes greater feelings of intimacy.
3. Ensure you move and breathe slowly during sex (it can help to avoid any position that you know makes you orgasm easily) and work towards a gradual build-up of pleasure. The more slowly you can allow your feelings and sensations to build up, the more intense your eventual orgasm will be.
How to get your partner involved in Tantric sex
If the mystical element of Tantric sex puts your partner off bear in mind that ‘Tantra is like yoga,’ according to Val Sampson, author of Tantra: The Art of Mind Blowing Sex (Vermilion). ‘You can add the spiritual side or just do the exercises. Many people choose to do Tantra, not because of the mysticism but because the sex tips are better.’
If that doesn’t work try telling him that Tantra is also good for men as it removes the pressure to perform.
Top Tantric tip
‘Slow your breathing down as you approach orgasm,’ says Val Sampson. ‘Most women breathe more quickly as they feel themselves peaking and tense up trying to bring the orgasm on, if instead you relax your tummy, and take slow deep breaths into your stomach, the orgasm will last longer and be more intense.’
Tantric Sex 101: An Introduction to Enrich Intimacy
Tantra is an ancient Indian practice that has a presence today around the world. Imagine, 5,000 years ago, this practice being developed, explored, and enhanced to promote sexuality, spirituality, and emotional interconnectedness. Tantra honors and celebrates our bodies, and enriches sensual pleasure, not just sexual pleasure. Breath, meditation, mindfulness, movement, and our environment can enhance intimacy with oneself and others.
Tantra encourages a full sensual and sexual experience with recognition of the importance of space and retreat to leverage and access desire. It is important to note that tantra can be an individual practice; it does not require a partner. Tantra may not even involve genital contact—it’s about energetic and spiritual contact between two partners (or with the self). Though genital contact or intercourse may enhance the energetic and spiritual contact, it is not necessary.
The word tantra has many meanings, including “the way,” “transformation,” and “expansion through awareness.” Though there is much debate, defining such a rich, historic, and important cultural entity may be impossible. For the purposes of this article, a general overview of breath and movement is provided to welcome readers to introduce components into their sensual and sexual experience.
Creating a Tantra-Like Environment
I encourage you to consider the power of simply having a space in your home or office that can be devoted to taking care of yourself, relaxing, and being mindful. Whether it is a particular chair with a candle nearby or removing technology from your bedroom, if you incorporate nothing from this article but creating a sacred space in your life, you will gain health, wellness, and self-care.
Tantra-like space is a space in which you are:
- able to suspend rational thought, and suspend worry, planning, and analysis
- free of technology
- able to step out of your of routine, which often means slowing down
- out of your usual space; is there a room underutilized in your home?
Meditation is a way to be in the moment. Are you in the moment right now? As you are reading this article, what do you see, hear, smell? Where is your body touching your chair? Can you feel your clothing, your breath? I introduce my clients to the “five senses exercise” in which we each suspend discussion, slow down, take a full, cleansing breath, then slow our breathing to rate similar to how we breathe when we sleep. Once there is a shift to relaxation, simply access your five senses to notice the feedback each provides you: What do you see? Hear? Taste? Smell? Feel? (The couch under you, your hands on your lap, etc.) Anytime you are in the moment, you are practicing meditation. You don’t need cushions, chanting, or the ability to sit in a meditation room in order to meditate.
It’s fascinating that we need to breathe to survive, yet so few of us do so in a proper, cleansing, and nourishing way. Proper breathing provides each of our cells with what they need to function optimally, to support the tissues, muscles, and organs made up of those cells.
Breath is a gateway to enhancing your sexual energy. Try this simple exercise to be aware of your breathing habits. Inhale and “mark” your breath by placing your hand on your body to indicate how deep that breath is. Next, exhale and attempt to empty your lungs completely. On your next inhalation, lower your hand in an attempt to deepen your breath, and again fully empty your lungs before the third inhalation. Continue this exercise until your breath is deep enough that it is as if you are breathing into your genital and sit bones.
Adding Movement to Breath
Once you have done the above exercise a few times and can feel the awakening of your sex organs (this may be no to slight sensation for some, while for others this exercise may inspire desire), incorporate body movement. Lay on your back with your knees bent so that your feet are flat. Inhale long, slow breaths through the mouth, counting to five and expanding the belly, creating an arch under the small of the back. When you exhale, again count to five, bringing the small of your back to the floor, and tilt your pelvis slightly upward. Repeat until you feel the gentle-wave motion as your breath and body movements synchronize. Release tension in your face, feet, shoulders—anywhere you feel it. Be aware of any emotions you experience, which can range from empowerment, sadness, and vulnerability to joy. Finally, incorporate the “five senses exercise” to practice mindfulness once the wave motion of your breath and body is fully engaged.
Though tantra can be thought of as a lifestyle, or a commitment to learning we may not all have, this brief introduction in part or in its entirety can provide you enhancement to your sexual and sensual experience. Breath, meditation, mindfulness, movement, and your environment can enhance intimacy with yourself and others.
© Copyright 2013 GoodTherapy.org. All rights reserved. Permission to publish granted by Denise Onofrey, MA, LMFTC, therapist in Englewood, Colorado
The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below.
What Is Tantric Sex? 5 Ways It Can Make Your Sex Life Better
If you’ve heard about tantric sex, you might have been told that it involves crazy weird sex positions or sex that lasts an entire weekend long. But these descriptions don’t accurately depict tantric sex or its many benefits—like how it helps you experience deeper pleasure and forge a tighter bond with your partner.
First, it’s important to note where tantric sex comes from. “’Tantra’ is an old Sanskrit language, a very ancient way of being together. Tantra means ‘the weave,’” sex therapist Holly Richmond, PhD, tells Health.
She says her patients view tantric sex as “something almost mystical,” but her definition is a little clearer. “It’s not sex for just sexuality purposes or physiological release—but pleasure and sensuality and being together and taking time ,” Richmond explains.
All sex is about pleasure, sure, but tantric sex places an emphasis on focusing on pleasure while you’re having sex. Think: mindfulness during sex. You probably already know how beneficial mindfulness is in your everyday life can be, but you might not have thought about how beneficial it can be in bed. Here are five surprising ways tantric sex will shake things up between the sheets.
RELATED: 10 Eye-Opening Facts You Actually Didn’t Know About Vaginas, Sex, Orgasms, and More
It takes the performance element out of sex
“Tantra is kind of like the anti-porn,” Richmond believes. While porn isn’t necessarily bad, it can make a person feel like whatever is happening on screen is the sexual norm. This puts the focus of sex off of pleasure and makes it more of a presentation. “Porn is performance-based, is all about helping people slow down and get out of this performance mindset,” she explains.
This means not obsessing over what your body is “supposed” to look like and getting into a deeper headspace of thinking and feeling. How can you and your partner achieve this shift? “Start with eye gazing. Sit together so you’re facing each other, holding hands, and gaze into each other’s eyes,” Richmond advises. This moves the focus away from anxious, desire-killing thoughts like, “Am I going to stay hard?” or “What does my cellulite look like?”
RELATED: Yes, There Are 11 Different Types of Orgasms. Here’s How to Have Each
It allows you to communicate exactly what you like
As many mindfulness practices do, tantric sex requires concentrating on exactly what you’re experiencing in the moment. Richmond says that you and your partner should focus intensely on exactly what feels good while you’re touching, then letting each other know what strokes you want more of.
“Be as specific as possible,” Richmond advises. For example, you could say, “I love it when you touch me here,” she suggests. You could also note that you don’t like being touched in a certain area. “Focusing on touch—what does his hand on your stomach feel like?” Richmond says. “Get out of your head and into your body—that’s what tantra’s all about.”
Connection is one of the pillars of tantric sex
If you’re looking for ways to bond with your partner more deeply, tantric sex is for you. While fast, carnal quickies are fun, tantra is about getting into positions that require physical closeness and eye contact, so you connect on a more soulful level. “For better connection I almost always recommend positions where you’re facing each other,” Richmond says.
Tantric sex also encourages couples to devote a lot of time to getting it on. “This idea of a deeper connection that’s not just about getting off—it’s about longer sessions,” Richmond explains. As a guideline, she says the minimum amount of time tantric sex lasts is about 15 minutes. The maximum? Some of her clients have reported having tantric sex for “hours and hours.”
Considering the average regular sex session clocks in at seven minutes, this is a drastic increase in time spent having sex with your partner. Think of it as an investment that pays off with a deeper relationship and more intense pleasure.
RELATED: Vacation Sex Could Help You Ramp Up Your Sex Life This Summer
You get to redefine what sex is
Practicing tantric sex means throwing expectations of sex out the window. “Redefine what sex is. Sex is absolutely not just penetration,” Richmond explains. Before you have tantric sex, don’t focus on what you think you and your partner should be doing in bed. Instead think: “What do you want it to be for you today? Do you want penetration? Do you want to masturbate together?”
Richmond says that often couples simply go through the motions when they’re having sex without stopping to think about what they want to do. Taking the time to figure that out is one benefit that will make your relationship more honest and open.
It can lead to better orgasms
If you’re not already convinced you should give it a try, this might convince you: more and better Os.
It’s not surprising that sex designed to intensify your connection with your partner and help you focus on what feels good might lead to a better finale. Richmond says her patients have confirmed this, telling her their orgasms are more intense during tantric sex. “The orgasms are better, especially if they’re looking into each other’s eyes,” she says.
To get more of our top stories delivered to your inbox, sign up for the Health Hookup newsletter
TANTRIC sex is the ancient sex practice where couples can make love for hours on end.
Here’s everything you need to know about the old sexual practice…
2 Tantric sex is an ancient Hindu practice that dates back more than 5,000 yearsCredit: Alamy
What is tantric sex?
Tantric sex is an ancient Hindu practice that dates back more than 5,000 years.
The word ‘tantra’ literally means the weaving and expansion of energy and it sees couples enjoy a slow form of sex in order to have powerful orgasms.
Couples often say that the practice heightens their emotions and gives them a better mind and body connection to each other.
Tantric sex advocates say it gives you a better understanding of your body as well as of the world around you.
What are the supposed benefits of tantric sex?
Tantric sex fans say not only is it an enjoyable practice but there are also benefits to it.
Experts say that one of the main benefits is that the practice gives couples a deep sense of intimacy, meaning their relationships become stronger and happier.
2 Tantric sex advocates say that the practice allows them to orgasm for hours on endCredit: Alamy
Another reported benefit is that it helps partners really love, honour and respect each other as the focus is on pleasuring one another.
While the main benefit seems to be people saying the practice gives the longer and more powerful orgasms.
How long do tantric sex orgasms last for?
Tantric sex lovers all report that orgasms last longer and are more powerful, but it varies from person to person.
However, Scott and Melanie McClure from Texas say that they climax for 18 hours on end.
The couple, who have been married for nine years, are avid practitioners of tantric sex, and claim that the mystical practice has helped their sex lives.
They also say that hey can orgasm simply from hugging – and can be seen trembling and moaning in pleasure as they share a simple embrace.
You’ve heard it mentioned before, but we’re willing to bet that, like we were, you’re confused as to what tantric sex actually is. And there’s a reason for that—based on how tantric sex is often portrayed in movies and on TV, it’s no wonder most people don’t know what it entails, says meditation and tantra coach Katrina Bos. “There’s this stigma that tantric sex is some kind of weird, slow voodoo or pornography and that’s not true at all,” explained Bos. “It’s based in the philosophy of tantra, which is about living your life freely and openly.” In other words, tantric sex isn’t some crazy practice: it’s all about creating closeness and intimacy like you’ve never felt before.
But that’s not the only thing that sets it apart from your typical sexy time. In case you and your hubbie are feeling extra adventurous, here are some pretty o-wesome facts about tantric sex that you both will want to know:
1. Tantric sex is not really about sex at all.
What?! Yep, you read that right. All the rubbing and touching may be a key part of your normal bedroom routine, but the physical aspect is not nearly as important as both of your mindsets when performing tantric sex. Bos says you and your partner must ditch your ultimate goal of achieving orgasms and instead focus your energy on simply being with and appreciating one another in each moment. “Tantric sex is about creating intimacy, and to do it you must focus on creating a connection,” Bos explained. Basically, the “sex” part of tantric sex happens because you’re truly emotionally tied to your man in the deepest way possible, rather than just because you’re feeling particularly frisky one night.
2. It can be a source of healing in many parts of your life.
While having “normal” sex can satisfy your urges and desires, Boys says that tantric sex can do so much more on many different levels. If you have anxiety from major changes or traumatic experiences in your life—struggled with a past relationship, fired from your job, moved to a new city, lost a loved one—tantric sex can sometimes assist in the mental recovery process. Bos believes that meditation, focused breathing, and intense eye contact often practiced with tantric intercourse are all things that can help you return to a much more healthy and peaceful state of mind. “We store trauma deep in our wombs and many women have no idea how much anxiety and emotional triggers are stored there,” said Bos. “The gentleness, safety, and healing of tantra can actually ‘sew us back together’ in ways that we didn’t even know we were torn apart.”
3. Many claim to have experienced a full body orgasm for hours from it.
We know, we were skeptical—and pretty darn excited—when we heard this too. Apparently, if done properly, you can actually experience all the pleasure of an ordinary orgasm from head to toe. Bos claims that many of her clients have been terrified by this new sensation and, at the same time, found it to be worlds better than the feeling of a typical climax. “It’s all about the movement of your sexual energy,” said Bos. “A normal orgasm is like a windup toy, and after you reach the top you feel exhausted. But tantra allows you to circulate that sexual energy throughout the body so that it reaches every part and last for hours.” Giddy. Up.
4. It can be a wee bit challenging.
Even if you’ve been with your guy forever, tantric sex can still be pretty difficult to do for many couples. “It’s about true lovemaking, so in concept it’s easy, but in reality it can be tough to fully detach and let go,” said Bos. “There are no quick tricks or techniques that you can master; it’s a matter of turning off your brain and redefining completely what it means to make love.” How exactly do you redefine lovemaking, you ask? Bos recommends sitting on a bed facing your partner and starting off with a long stare. After eye contact is maintained, you begin touching your partner wherever you feel. “Explore the feeling of skin,” Bos explained. “Come completely into your body, allow your mind to be still, and then follow your intuition. You might start connecting physically by making out or having intercourse.” Again, it sounds easy, but this “extended foreplay” is kind of hard, especially if you’re a giggler or someone who can’t control their libido very well (Scorpios, anyone?). But not to worry—if you and your man are really into learning how to do it…
5. You can take tantric sex courses (even online).
Before you freak out, you should probably know that these aren’t orgies (phew) and don’t include any awkward demonstrations. Tantric sex classes are all about teaching couples how they can build a strong bond on the deepest level every time they hit the sheets. Topics covered in the “tantric sex syllabus,” if you will, include how to touch someone tantrically versus normally, how to truly relax and let go of all fears with your partner, and how to tap into stores of intense energy and move them around your bodies through physical touch and emotional connection. Once you’ve got these skills down pat, you’ll know how to have the mind-blowing sex you’ve always wanted, says Bos. “We know these fireworks are possible and tantric sex allows you to get the fireworks in the bedroom and more.” I know what I’m asking Santa for Christmas this year…