How can you tell if you’re horny? The biggest challenge I faced as a teenager dealing with newly minted sexual desires was something rather obvious: recognizing that what I was feeling was sexual desire.

Once you get to a certain age, you begin to feel things differently than you’ve felt them before; you’re more aware than usual; your skin is buzzing in spaces you’ve never felt before, and you don’t know why, but you kind of want to kiss every cute person you see.

You’re horny. Who knew? It’s not like they teach you to recognize your naturally occurring, budding sexuality in health class. There is no teacher who sits the class down and says, “Okay, guys. This is how you recognize what you’re feeling is sexual desire.” Nope. That doesn’t happen, unfortunately.

We make the jump from blissfully unaware elementary school students to confused (and slightly carnal) adolescents with no one there to explain what is going on.

Meanwhile, you’re a bubbling cauldron of new feelings and emotions. If you’ve spent the majority of your life NOT being horny, what happens when you’re suddenly really horny? How do you even know that’s what you’re feeling?

You are not alone! We have all been there (and might even be stuck there forever, tbh).

Fortunately, there are some physical and emotional signs to help you decode, deduce, and demystify your horniness for what it is.

You can’t stop fantasizing about the person you’re into

Or really anyone; that hot movie star you dig, that barista from Starbucks with the luscious hair; it’s all linked back to your epic thirst, babe.

Why is this happening to you? Well, a 2003 study of asexual subjects (meaning, they feel zero sexual desire) found, through brain scans, that the medial orbitofrontal cortex is essential in sexual fantasy. This part of the brain is responsible for both processing images of sexual desire, and your feelings about those desires. It’s a souped up minefield of sexual thirst, my friend.

This part of the brain is pivotal in how your brain processes emotion, a key element of fantasy. Another reason you’re fantasizing is because your brain is developing. Yes, you’re having sexy thoughts because you’re getting smarter. When you reach adolescence, your brain begins to fully develop abstract ideas… which are sometimes HOT. It’s all a part of your imagination.

You’re restless

When your sexuality awakens, you often have trouble sleeping. Your mind is swimming with thoughts of the person you have a crush on; you’re imagining their lips all the time; you wonder what they smell like, etc.

They don’t call it sexual frustration for nothing. To get over this restlessness and actually get some sleep, you have to release the frustration…Yes, I’m talking about masturbation.

After an orgasm, your body releases prolactin, a hormone that makes you sleepy. If you’re not having those orgasms, sleep likely won’t come as easily for you. It also doesn’t help that your mind is totally preoccupied, wondering if the person you like likes you back.

Your vagina is tingling

I feel like the word tingly is pretty overused by grandmothers to describe female sexual desire, but it’s not off base. You really do tingle when you’re horny. I repeat, there is a real tingle in your pants.

If you’re feeling things down below that you never have before, that could definitely be a sign that you are turned on. When you’re sexually aroused, blood flows to your genitals, perking them up in dilation.

Women are complicated. The way in which we become aroused is complicated. The annoying thing is that more studies have been conducted about a man’s arousal than a woman’s. Typical. So we don’t know everything about what it’s like for a woman to get turned on yet. Because for many years studies spoke in general terms about arousal, lumping women in the same category as men. But the truth is that women’s bodies and brains react differently to men’s brains when they’re getting hot and heavy.

We do know some stuff though, thankfully, and the gap in the research is supposedly becoming narrower. There are lots of physiological effects when a woman gets turned on. You know the deal. You get a rush of excitement and this shows up in different ways around your body. You get erections too you know, it’s just a lot less obvious than when men get them. There are other strange happenings in our bodies when we get turned on that you might not have realized happen. For example, your uterus lifts up in order to lengthen the vaginal canal. Yep, that’s right, your womb moves out of the way to let somebody in.

That’s just the crazy stuff that’s happening in your body. There’s just as much activity going on in your brain too. Hormones are released that make you feel a certain way. And sometimes you may be turned on mentally but this doesn’t show itself in the rest of your body and vice versa. As I said, women are complicated.

Contents

14 You Blink Lots

There are a couple of reasons why you might be fluttering those lashes more when you’re getting geared up for some saucy time. Firstly, people blink more when they’re nervous. So if you’re sleeping with someone new for the first time you might be a bit anxious which in turn will make you blink more. The other reason is very much to do with you getting turned on. You also might blink more because it’s the way in which your eyes stay moist. Your eyes need to stay moist when you’re getting aroused because you need to have clear vision.

13 You Feel Like You Need To Pee

If somebody is stimulating your area down there you might fee like you need to go to the toilet because the areas that are being stimulated are near your urethra. If someone is hitting the G-spot then you might especially feel like you need to pee. Plus, there’s a function in your vajajay that occurs to stop you from peeing as you are getting turned on. The urethral sponge, under the vulva, swells to prevent you from going to the toilet but the sensation this gives off might tell your brain that you do in fact need to go to the loo. So it seems that sex can be confusing for all sorts of reasons.

12 Your Uterus Rises

Via craftyhanako / deviantart.com

As you get hot under the collar your body readies itself for penetrative sex. One of the many physiological changes that occur is that the uterus lifts up, thus lengthening the vaginal canal. This obviously means that there’s now enough space to stick something inside of there. This is one of the reasons why it’s important to play around before you get to the main event. According to sexologist Dr Kat Van Kirk, sex will be more uncomfortable if the uterus hasn’t yet lifted itself up inside your body.

11 You Get Wet

This is another physiological effect that needs to happen to avoid uncomfortable or painful sex. A woman needs to be all lubed up for smooth penetration. This happens as you get turned on. Blood rushes to the walls of your vagina, so much so that it causes fluid to pass through. The rush of blood is also what makes you all flushed in the cheeks and maybe on your chest and neck areas.

10 You Get A Lady Wood

Obviously a man stands to attention when he is aroused. In a way, women do too, but the signs might be less obvious. As you get aroused your vagina becomes twice as big. The area might even become firm because of all the blood rushing to it. Your nipples and clitoris become erect. Even your boobs swell up and appear bigger. So your body changes a lot more when you’re getting turned on than you may have previously thought or noticed.

9 Your Pain Threshold Is Higher

Another way in which your body responds to you becoming aroused is that you become more tolerant to pain. According to various studies, as you get aroused your pain threshold is heightened, and becomes even higher as you get towards the big O. It’s no surprise then that sex is recommended as a natural painkiller for migraines or period pain. There have even been reports of people hurting themselves during sex without realizing until after the deed was done.

8 You Can Get A Headache

So on the one hand sex is known to relieve pain. On the other hand it has also been known to cause headaches unfortunately. So-called “sex headaches” happen because of all of the excitement going on in your body as you’re getting turned on. These headaches might get worse as you’re about to climax. Usually these headaches aren’t anything you need to be worried about and are more common among people who get migraines already. But if it starts happening all of a sudden you might want to check in with the doctor.

7 Your Bits Change Color

Can you imagine if your vajayjay turned green or something every time you got turned on? That would make your horniness much more obvious, in a similar way to how you can easily tell if a guy is aroused. Anyway, that’s clearly not the case. But your labia do indeed change color when you get turned on. If you don’t have kids your lady parts are probably pinkish in color, they’ll change to a bright red as you get turned on. If you have had kids the color will shift from a bright red to purple when you’re getting excited. Again, this is because of all the blood rushing to your nether regions.

6 Sometimes It’s In Your Brain, Sometimes It’s In Your Body

Both sexes can be turned on either psychologically or physiologically. It is thought that there’s a closer link between the psychological and physiological reaction in men when they get turned on compared to women. According to research, a man’s physiological and psychological arousal correlates 70% of the time; while in women it’s less than 30% of the time. Women can be turned on mentally without her lady parts showing the signs of arousal. Similarly, your lady parts can show the physical signs of being turned on when you don’t think that you’re turned on.

5 You Become More Open To Stuff

While you’re sitting there having your morning coffee the thought of someone worshipping your feet during sex might gross you out. However, studies have shown that, in women, the feelings and desires produced by getting turned on overpower feelings of being disgusted. In other words, you’re more likely to be into doing something you might normally find strange and gross if you’re turned on. If you think about it, sex can be a bit gross in general, there’s all the smells and sweat and other fluids going on. But we’re not bothered because we’re horny AF.

4 Your Brain Goes Crazy

Loads of different parts in your brain light up when you’re getting all hot and bothered. Hormones are released that give you intense feelings. For example, dopamine is linked to motivation so it makes you really really want to get it on. Then there’s adrenaline that makes you all excited and gets your blood pumping. The hormone oxytocin is released later, during sex, and this is what gives you romantic feelings about the person you’re doing it with. So basically your brain goes wild and gives you all sorts of thrills.

3 You Get Randomly Turned On

Men get erections out of nowhere sometimes. They might be sat on a bus, in class or at the office when they just pop up to say hello. This happens to women too, the results are just less obvious. Sometimes we get aroused due to kissing and touching and dirty talk. Sometimes we start randomly thinking naughty things and get randomly turned on in inappropriate situations. It happens to all of us, men and women. Also, we can have spontaneous climaxes while we’re sleeping just as men do according to the experts.

2 You Get Less And Less Excited About Your Partner The Longer You’re In A Relationship

One study showed that a woman’s sexual desire for her partner decreases as time goes by while a man’s stay the same. The study of monogamous, heterosexual couples showed that after nine months together the woman in the relationship showed a slight drop in sexual desire each month thereafter. Some say that this contradicts the idea of women being more into monogamy than men. Others claim that it’s because women become more interested in rearing children than getting busy. However there is proof that women are still interested in sex after childbirth, so maybe they’re just not as interested in sex with their partner anymore.

1 Some Women Are Constantly Turned On

It might seem like a wonderful idea to be constantly excited. But in reality, it can’t be fun to be aroused all of the time. You’re sat there at a family dinner and you’re turned on, you’re at the cinema with your friends and turned on, you’re basically just turned on all the time. The condition is called Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder or PGAD and sufferers find that their arousal can’t be contained or controlled and is spontaneous. According to experts it’s a condition that has nothing to do with sexual desire or being a nymphomaniac. It can be problematic in the sense that it’s debilitating and painful.

Sources: refinery29.com, bustle.com, gurl.com, menshealth.com

379 Shares Share Tweet Comment Email Copy Link Copied

1. You pick a treadmill at the gym that overlooks the local college boys’ basketball team. Now that you are in your late 20s, they’re seem young and fresh and sweaty, and I’ll stop now.

2. You almost sniff the back of a guy’s neck on the train. The subway is a sardine can crammed with attractive professional Youngs and you inevitably wind up facing the back of a guy who looks hot from the back.

3. You slow down and “cruise” when a guys’ cross country team runs past your car. Ideally, “Smooth” by Santana featuring Rob Thomas would be playing.

4. You are the person who initiates thigh-touching on a date. Ahahaha, you’re soooo funny. *grope*

5. You have no qualms making out in the street. THE WERE-GIRL MUST BE SATIATED.

6. When you are taking someone home, it does not even occur to you that your place is too messy for sexytimes. Is there a sex-having space on the floor between the pizza, dirty underwear, and Zebra Cake wrappers? Great.

7. You walk around with condom(s) in your purse. Ya never know! You can just trip and fall onto a penis.

8. Talking to guys in bars suddenly doesn’t seem like the worst decision ever. That guy over there in the dress shirt eyeing us creepily looks kinda cute! That guy with the ZZ Top beard looks kinda cute! That tree stump outside looks kinda cute!

9. You’re touching everyone a little too much. Morning, Ben! How’s doing the expense budget going? Thank god it’s Friday, right? Hahaha, please let me lick your neck.

10. You claim you’re tired and cancel dinner plans in lieu of “watching a movie” with him. Or yourself. Because “watching a movie” has been code for sex since high school. Some things do not change.

11. You shaved/trimmed/lotioned every inch of yourself this morning because IT’S GOING TO HAPPEN. And you spent every moment of the epic two-hour block of beautifying time thinking about how awesome doing it is gonna be.

12. At a bar, you do a tequila shot and tell everyone it makes you “soooo horny” so you have an excuse for your normal non-tequila-induced horniness level. Yes. You.

13. You text back the number that occasionally texts you at 12:30 a.m. being like, “Whats up,” which you usually ignore.

14. You start sexting that number without asking who it is. Because it’s the Hot Stranger Game. Even though there is the possibility that you will IMMEDIATELY received a shocked response from your mom’s friend Donna.

15. You find yourself Google Image-searching hot actors. And making them your screen savers.

16. And you grunt or something when you stumble upon a particularly great picture of one. Or you’re like the pervy older lady who goes, “WOOOO!” and pantomimes fanning herself.

17. And having frequent sex dreams. Probably featuring said actors.

18. You immediately scroll down to “Personal Life” on the Wikipedia page of every actor you think is hot to see if he is married.

20. You take the batteries out of your Swiffer Wet Jet and put them in your vibrator.

21. You feel extra mad when you get a text, and it’s from your MOM OR BROTHER. GOD YOU GUYS, DON’T YOU KNOW THAT I CARE MORE ABOUT PENETRATION THAN MY LOVED ONES RIGHT NOW?

22. You stare at bulges. It’s just really easy sometimes because you are sitting at crotch level and a man is standing.

23. You stare at mouths.

24. You stare into space.

25. You make eyes at literally every man on public transit even though they are all gross.

26. You do a search for the word “kiss” in the YA novel you’re reading on your Kindle.

RELATED:
12 Things Every Woman Thinks Right Before Sex

Follow Anna on Twitter. Photo Credit: Fox

Anna Breslaw Writer.

Most Viewed HD Facials Sex Videos

Hot woman helps her daughter with her boyfriend in a threesome 3 years ago 207.3M 7:05A busty thing that has a big ass is getting fucked in the office 3 years ago 142.4M 7:10A hot ebony woman is opening up her cunt for some loving 3 years ago 103.9M 7:00Mexican girl fucks in one of her first porn videos 2 years ago 57.4M 12:00Lesbian stepmom and daughter are fucking a dude in a threesome 3 years ago 42.9M 7:01A busty bimbo is taking on a train of men in a group sex video 3 years ago 41.0M 6:16Valentina getting nicely banged by her partner in the bathtub 6 years ago 35.5M 9:02Bed wants a sex video with his new marvelous girlfriend 1 year ago 33.8M 6:15 Glamour sex video with dollface and her tender paramour 3 years ago 29.7M 8:00 Slut wife cheats on her hubby with one of his friends 3 years ago 25.0M 7:07 A hot schoolgirl is getting anally fucked in a group sex video 2 years ago 24.9M 7:59 Sophia Leone plays video games as he fucks her cunt 3 years ago 23.2M 7:01 A lot of sexy girls are fucking in the group sex video in this scene 3 years ago 16.6M 7:56 Religious Arab girl in hijab and boyfriend enjoy bareback on bed 7 months ago 15.1M 7:53 Ravishing blonde has an affair with her BF’s friend 2 years ago 12.7M 6:15 Great POV sex video with angel named Kat Monroe 2 years ago 12.7M 11:54 Slutty brunette is here to try herself in adult sex video 3 years ago 12.2M 6:56 A hot little slut is in a group sex video, covered with a lot of cum 2 years ago 10.6M 6:09 Hungarian dark haired babe dressed as a police woman screws a dude 3 years ago 10.6M 7:02 Two women are getting taken in the group sex video on the grass 3 years ago 10.4M 8:00 Two women are showing their skills in a very hot group sex video 3 years ago 8.1M 8:03 A hot milf is in the bedroom, fooling around with a young stud 3 years ago 7.7M 7:01 Stunningly hot milf gets banged by annoying stepson 7 months ago 7.2M 8:07 A couple is outdoors in the dark, doing a sexy fucking video 2 years ago 6.9M 11:54 Indian hottie with glasses copes with two giant rods at once 3 years ago 6.7M 7:04 HD porn video of man with tattooed hands fucking hot decorator 11 months ago 6.1M 11:56 Thin blonde is getting rammed by several man in the group sex video 3 years ago 5.7M 7:53 Seductive blonde has hot sex with sister’s BF 2 years ago 5.1M 11:56 Kayla Kayden and Keiran Lee show how to deal on a leather couch 3 years ago 5.1M 7:10 A sexy chick that loves sex toys is playing with a large real cock 2 years ago 4.7M 9:50 A curvy chick with massive tits is getting fucked out in public 3 years ago 4.2M 7:03 A blonde and brunette are doing some sexy things to each other 3 years ago 4.0M 7:00 Sexy blonde performs dirty action with her BF 2 years ago 3.8M 11:53 A hot babe with a sexy ass is getting a double penetration on the bed 2 years ago 3.7M 6:25 Big natural boobs and sexual dreams of Ashley Adams with her man 4 months ago 3.6M 8:00 Beautiful sex scene by professional porn actress and actor 2 years ago 3.3M 6:24 Porn babe Peta Jensen and her doctor have hot sex 3 years ago 3.3M 7:07 Red-haired beauty spends free time with her BF 2 years ago 3.1M 6:25 English tutor gives lesson to two hot to trot students 2 years ago 3.0M 6:15 A bimbo with some large tits is taking care of several guys 2 years ago 3.0M 7:00

8 Ways To Get Turned On And Be More In The Moment During Sex — Without Forcing Anything

We’re always hearing that we could be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship. But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist based in San Francisco, to help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off-limits, and all questions remain anonymous. Now, on to today’s topic: how to feel more turned on during sex.

Q: I’d love some tips on how to get aroused and stay aroused during sex. It seems like my boyfriend can be ready to go whenever, and we can both get frustrated that it takes me more time to get worked up. I’ll usually go along with sex because I want to make him happy, but it’s hard for me to stay focused. My mind wanders, and sometimes I feel bored or worried about coming, and stop feeling turned on. This can happen even if I was really horny and wanted to have sex. I’m only 25, and it feels like I should be enjoying sex more. How can I work on this without forcing myself to feel something I’m not?

A: Thanks for your question! Arousal is a complex process, and there could be a lot of different factors at play here. Fortunately there are some tried-and-true ways to increase your enjoyment of sex. Let’s dive right in!

1. Respect Your Natural Sex Drive

You said in your message that you almost always say yes to sex when your boyfriend initiates, even if you’re not in the mood. It’s hard (though not impossible) to feel aroused during sex if you weren’t ever aroused in the first place. It’s like sitting down to eat a really great meal when you’re already full. Sure, it might still taste kinda good, but you’re probably not going to be able to enjoy it the way you would when you were legitimately hungry.

Maintenance sex can be part of a healthy relationship, but you should feel comfortable turning down sex if you’re not in the mood (and your boyfriend should be respectful of your decision). Doing so may help you get more in tune with your own natural feelings of arousal and desire.

2. Give Yourself Time To Warm Up

It sounds cliche, but women do tend to take longer to warm up to sex than men do. A lot of women will get frustrated with themselves for not responding faster, instead of being patient and giving themselves time to feel desire.

The process of getting aroused is an enjoyable experience, so it’s not like this should feel like a chore! Let your boyfriend know that his frustration with you only derails your arousal even more, and ask him to be more supportive of helping you get aroused. Ask if the two of you can spend more time on foreplay before moving on to intercourse. What are your favorite foreplay activities? Kissing? Holding each other? Talking and connecting? Laying in bed naked together? Spend 10-20 minutes going nice and slow, doing the things you enjoy the most. Feel your pleasure and desire gradually building.

3. Don’t Expect To Be Present All The Time

It’s normal to get distracted during sex, even if you’re enjoying yourself. Think of the last time you did one of your favorite activities. Let’s say you went out for dinner and drinks with your best friend in the world. Even if you guys had the most ridiculously fun night, there were bound to be times where you drifted off mentally. Maybe you checked out looking at Facebook or got distracted by period cramps. A lot of people expect to be completely in the zone during sex, but it very rarely works out that way in real life. Don’t put pressure on yourself to be present and engaged 100 percent of the time.

4. Get More Familiar With Your Desires

A lot of women struggle with asking for what they want during sex, so they go along with the flow of whatever their partner decides to do. Other women don’t even know how to describe what they want, so they stay quiet, too. If you’re not tuned in to your own desires when you’re being intimate, it makes a lot of sense that you wouldn’t be feeling a lot of pleasure. It takes time to develop a healthy relationship with your sexuality and learn what you like, but it’s also one of the most fun adventures you can embark upon!

One easy way to get a sense of what you like is to compare how much pleasure you’re experiencing from moment to moment. If you’re type A, you can even rate it on a 1-10 scale. Or you can remind yourself in the moment, “It’s OK to ask for what I want” or ask yourself, “Is there anything I’d like right now that I’m not allowing myself to ask for?”

5. Focus On Your Body

Pleasure happens in your body. The best way for you to enjoy yourself more in the moment is to pay close attention to the sensations you’re feeling. Start from the top of your head, and imagine slowly traveling down your body, scanning each area that you pass. Pay specific attention to your genitals, and even try honing in on your clitoris for a few moments. What are the specific sensations you feel in each area of your body? Don’t analyze the feelings — just notice them. Maybe you feel a warm heat growing in your stomach, or a gentle fluttering in your thighs. You can do this little exercise before you and your boyfriend get started, or at any point during a sexual interaction.

6. Make A Change

It can be easy to zone out if you’re in the same position or doing the exact same thing for a while. If you find yourself getting lost and distracted in a particular moment, try switching things up. This will instantly bring your attention back to the present. Take a quick break to kiss your boyfriend. Ask him to go down on you for a bit. Change positions. Anything that gets you moving your body will be a welcome change.

7. Get More Visual

Most people have sex in the dark. But it can be tricky to be present and aroused if you can’t even see what’s going on! Turning the lights on or pulling up a mirror are great ways to increase your arousal in the moment. Humans are visual creatures, and we like seeing our partner’s bodies in action. If you feel self-conscious about too much light, try lighting candles or using a small bedside lamp.

8. Practice Meditation

Meditation is one of the best ways to train your brain to be more present in the moment, both inside the bedroom and out. It can also help you learn to observe your thoughts without getting overly distracted by them. For most of us, meditation is like exercise; we know it’s good for us, and that we should be doing it, but we just don’t. This might be the motivation you need to finally start a meditation practice! I personally love the guided meditations from Headspace.

Work your way through this list of techniques, one at a time, and see what works best for helping you get more enjoyment out of sex.

For more Bustle content, check out our podcast The Bustle Huddle on iTunes.

Heading

Listen, sex drives are great, but they’re not always reliable. Rarely are we even really at the wheel. The fact is that our sex drives fluctuate day to day. Sometimes, we might have a higher-than-usual sex drive even though we’re not particularly interested in hooking up with anyone. On other days, our sex drive might be super low, despite the fact that we definitely want to get it on with a partner. But while our sex drive might be unpredictable from time to time, it doesn’t mean we can’t still be the one driving the car. There are ways to get horny even when our sex drive wants to take a backseat. So, if we’re in the mood — but our body isn’t — we can employ certain techniques to sync up our body and mind. These techniques involve learning how to get horny, fast.

Try these tried-and-true ways to get in the mood. ‍

1. Watch a spicy scene from a movie, show, or music video‍

Have a favorite sex scene? Put in on! Or maybe you know that FKA Twigs pole routine music video for “Cellophane” really does it for you. Watch it! Visual stimuli, especially if it has a tantalizing plot, or a favorite actor, can really help to get you squirming in your jeans, in a good way. That’s because desire often happens simply as a response to stimuli.

2. Listen to erotica or audio porn‍

There has been a recent boom in audio porn, making your options bountiful. No matter your gender, sexual orientation, and sexual preferences, you’re bound to find something that turns you on. Erotica apps such as Dipsea and websites such as Quinn are free to low-cost ways to get you horny without having to rely on your own imagination. ‍

3. Watch porn that turns you on‍

If you know you like porn and have a favorite go-to porn site (ours are Crash Pad Series and Make Love Not Porn) or a specific video in mind, put it onPorn can really get your gears going.‍

4. Wear something that makes you feel sexy‍

Slipping into something that makes you feel sexy, can be an instant mood-changer. You know the feeling, that, “well damn, I look so good, I WOULD DO ME” feeling? That might mean getting all done up and putting on your favorite underwear. It might mean wearing that vegan-leather o-ring collar you just bought. It might mean throwing on those “fuck me” boots that have been sitting in your closet for ages, or wearing that packer you finally bought! Whatever makes YOU feel the best, put it on. ‍

5. Exchange some dirty sexts‍

What better way to get yourself revved up for the night ahead than having a raunchy text exchange with your partner ahead of time? Get explicit, talk about all the things you want to do to them, and that you can’t wait to have them do to you, and have them do the same. Anticipation is the name of the game, baby. ‍

6. Have phone sex‍

Are you more of an aurally stimulated person? Upgrade your sexting exchange for some good old fashion phone sex, with a consenting partner of course. Tell your partner what you’re wearing, what you aren’t wearing — whatever you want! No time to invest in a full-blown phone sex sesh? Send voice memos back and forth.‍

7. Take nudes or sultry pics‍

Maybe you’re REALLY feeling yourself in that outfit you put on. Why not take it a step further and document it? Even if you don’t send them to anyone, the thought of doing it and having a partner get turned on at the sight of you can be oh-so-tantalizing.‍

8. Hit up a sex shop with a partner‍

If you’re looking for a date idea that can double as play, well then this is your ticket. Visiting a fun, inclusive, sex-positive sex shop not only gets you thinking about sex, but it’s a great way to have open communication about your specific desires and (possible) kinks. Sex shop employees are also there to answer your questions and possibly give you guidance. Whether or not you end up taking home a pleasure product (or a few), you’ll have sex on the brain. ‍

9. Browse online for sex toys‍

You can do this alone or with a partner. Pull up your favorite ethical sex toy shop, and browse away. Look through the different toys you think you’d want to try out, the bondage items, maybe the latex clothing, whatever suits you, until you’re squirming in your seat.‍

10. Break a sweat ‍

That’s right! A nice refreshing workout can boost your libido. Exercise increases your circulation and blood flow, which both contribute to higher sex drive. Doing exercise that you enjoy can also lower stress, which is great because we know that stress can really put a damper on desire. So, if you’ve got the time, hit the gym for 30 minutes, go on a brisk walk, or have a mini solo dance party at your place!‍

11. Queue up a sultry playlist ‍

If you’re the type of person who hears the lyrics “my neck, my back” and immediately start to grind in your seat, you might want to consider putting together a playlist of your favorite songs that get you in the mood, to have on hand whenever you need a little extra motivation. Speaking of, why not throw Normani’s “Motivation” in there just thinking about the music video is starting to turn us on!

If arousal is what you WANT, these tips are sure to help you wet your sexual whistle. Now get out there and get horny!‍

I Want Sex! How To Get The Pleasure You Desire‍

How To Talk Dirty‍

I Like Porn: Am I Normal?‍

Top 10 Tips for Having an Orgasm

Whether you need to go from zero to a hundred or just need a teensy bit of help getting horned up, we gotchu. Here are some horniness hacks to get your ~juices flowing~. (Sorry!)

1. Watch *that* ferris-wheel scene from Insecure.

Look, don’t act like you don’t already know. It’s the middle of season 2, and Issa (Issa Rae) is stuck in a ferris wheel carousel at Coachella with Nathan (Kendrick Sampson) when the two realize they’re totally alone, and, well, let’s just say that things ensue.

Related Story

2. Get undressed in front of a mirror.

What’s sexier than you? Literally nothing!! Remind yourself how ~hot~ you are and turn yourself on, in the most au naturel way imaginable.

3. Or literally just put on some lingerie.

According to a very official(ish) Cosmo poll, most of you like lounging around in your lingerie when you’re alone anyway. Put on your laciest, strappiest, sexiest piece and the rest will come (literally).

Related Story

4. Browse for new sex toys.

Sometimes just looking at new ways to get yourself off can be a horn-inducing activity on its own. Pro tip: The reviews are where all the really hot and juicy stuff is.

5. Watch the middle 40 minutes of Magic Mike.

Because, um, that’s when most of the naked grinding happens. You’re welcome.

6. Watch Beyoncé’s “Partition” video.

St0p playing innocent and just do it. You know it works.

7. Listen to audio-only porn.

People submit audio files of themselves masturbating and having sex, and you can do with that what you will. If nothing else, it’s totally bizarre and great. Also, you can listen to it on your headphones at work. No judgment.

.

8. Or listen to this masturbation playlist.

Just let the music wash over you like liquid horniness.

9. Browse a NSFW subreddit.

Reddit has a bad reputation for being a cesspool of misogynistic garbage, but there are also a lot of nice, sex-friendly, and very sexy subreddits that are perfect fodder for getting horny in a matter of minutes.

10. Watch some sexy, foreplay-focused feminist porn.

Erika Lust is a total badass who makes feminist porn, aka porn in which women are the focus, and they actually look like they’re getting turned on and getting off. Some of her videos are subscription-based, but some are free as well. Highly recommend.

Related Story

11. Take a hot shower and then walk around naked like you’re criminally hot…because you are.

You’re already naked and you look super dope, plus there’s water. Use really great-smelling bath stuffs, put lotion on every single part of your body afterward, and just be with yourself. No texting, no distractions. Just sit with yourself in your awesome body and be present in it.

12. Think about your hottest past sexual experience.

Everyone has one sexual experience that if they even think of it accidentally, they have to leave the room to take care of some things. Think of that moment on purpose.

13. Take a crash course on pleasure.

All the content on OMGyes, a scientist-backed site that delivers deep dives on female pleasure, is centered around teaching everyone more about orgasms. But if you thought science couldn’t be sexy, you thought wrong. Peruse OMGyes’s demonstration videos to learn more about your own bod and get horny while you’re at it.

14. Read an erotic story.

Even if you feel like that’s not something you’d be into, sites like Kara’s Porn for Women, Nifty, and Alt.Sex.Stories let you use popular search terms to try and figure out what you might like. One of the search terms is “hunks,” so if you’re into hunks, you’re welcome.

15. Dance in your room alone.

Doesn’t even have to be anything particularly sexy. I’m not saying you should put on The Muppet Movie soundtrack, but it can be whatever you feel like at the moment. The more you move your body and feel really good about it, the easier it’ll be to want to move your body in, uh, other ways.

16. Watch videos of your favorite celebrity doing interviews.

I know most people would say to look up photos of him shirtless, but I’m trying to get your mind working with your body here, and actually watching the way he moves and speaks can make it easier to imagine him doing other things. #ChrisEvans #ChrisEvansForever

.

Want to get the hottest sex positions, the wildest confessions, and the steamiest secrets right to your inbox? Sign up for our sex newsletter ASAP.

Subscribe

Lane Moore Sex & Relationships Editor I’m Lane Moore, sex & relationships editor at Cosmopolitan.com. Hannah Smothers Hannah writes about health, sex, and relationships for Cosmopolitan, and you can follow her on Twitter and Instagram.

Not all depression drugs help with arousal, however. Wellbutrin works differently than most depression medication, which falls into the class of drugs known as SSRIs and often kills sex drive . Wellbutrin offers a solution to women who are experiencing depression but don’t want to risk their sex drives to resolve it.

Resources

The following resources offer a bit more insight on how to get in the mood for sex.

  • This story at the New York Times discusses responsive desire and natural variation in sex drive.
  • Discover 7 Sex Education Lessons From Emily Nagoski’s ‘Come As You Are’ if you don’t have time to read the book
  • Remember that men are not great at knowing when their partners are turned on, so talking is crucial. Explain to your partners what you need to get aroused and how they will know when you’re horny.
  • Science doesn’t quite understand why so many get super horny right before their periods, but many women experience it.
  • This Reddit thread will give you a flavor of the many things that can get your aroused and turned on.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: Is it normal that I am not wet, even though I am horny? What if I feel physically aroused but not mentally aroused?

A: Both of these things are perfectly normal, especially for women. Men are more likely to experience concordance between physical and mental arousal. This means that when they’re physically aroused, they feel mentally aroused . The opposite is also true.

Read More: How to Make Yourself Wet

Women are less likely to experience concordance; instead, they experience non-concordance. For starters, women more frequently report being aroused even when there’s little or no genital concordance. Women may also exhibit signs of physical arousal even when they’re not mentally horny.

Q: Is it normal to not want sex then to change my mind?

A: This is absolutely normal! For some people, desire starts after sexual activity. This is because they have responsive desire. Their desire responds to the situation. If you fall into this group of people, you might need to start foreplay before you feel aroused.

Q: Should I have sex even if I am not horny?

A: That depends. While no one should ever feel coerced into sex when they don’t want it, sex is beneficial for your relationship. If you prioritize sex between you and your partner, you might decide to have sex to connect even if you’re not really in the mood.

Q: Why do I feel turned on when my partner takes care of the house or kids?

A: For many women, desire is a reflection of feeling loved and cared for. So if your man decides to do the dishes, make you a surprise meal, or plays with the kids, you might feel turned on despite the fact that those are not sexual activities. Don’t worry. You’re not alone!

Q: I’ve tried everything without luck. What should I do?

A: It might be time to consult a professional. If you think that the issue is biological, talk to your primary care physician. For mental setbacks to turning yourself on as well as relationship issues, therapy may offer the solution.

Q: It’s easier to get horny at certain times during my menstrual cycle, how come?

A: Women report feeling hornier right before their periods. This is the part of your menstrual cycle when your body is preparing for an egg to be fertilized. Biology encourages sexual activity to make that happen. This means you feel hornier, a perk even if you don’t want to be pregnant.

Q: Since starting menopause, I’ve been having trouble, why?

A: Whether you’re naturally or medically going through menopause, your body is going through changes. One of those changes is a drop in estrogen. Estrogen is the female sex hormone, and it contributes to desire as well as self-lubrication. Talk to your doctor about hormone therapy if this is a concern, and use lube to make things more comfortable.

Q: Sometimes my man wants sex, but I have trouble getting aroused, what should I do?

A: First, you shouldn’t have sex if you absolutely don’t want to. But sometimes it just takes a little more to get in the mood for sex. You might already know what it takes or have a few ideas after reading this post.

Either way, you want to talk to your partner and explain that it takes a little time to get in the mood for sex. Explain to him what you like and what he can do to help and how it will help you enjoy sex more and promote intimacy between the two of you. If he’s a quality partner, he should understand and want to help.

You can also try getting yourself horny beforehand using some of the tips suggested above. This works well if you schedule date nights or sex.

Whether all or just a few of the methods on this list help you get horny, it’s okay. Everyone’s sex drive is different, and what works for you one day might not work as well the next. Remember to experiment and switch things up, and you’ll be in control of your libido!

Watch This: Blow Job Tutorial Video

I put together this in-depth, step-by-step instructional video that will teach you how to make your man sexually addicted to you and only you. It contains a number of oral sex techniques that will give your man full-body, shaking orgasms. If you’re interested in learning these techniques to keep your man addicted and deeply devoted to you as well as having a lot more fun in the bedroom, then you may want to check out the video. You can watch it by clicking here.

These are the hottest songs that make you horny every. single. time.

I don’t mean to brag but I am the queen of playlists.

In my friendship circle, I’m the designated soundtrack designer for every occasion and let me tell you, the crowds are never disappointed.

I’ve got you covered for party tunes, study sessions and most importantly – sexy soundtracks.

Let me take you on a journey of the songs that make you horny no matter what your relationship status is. The key to a perfect playlist is having a little something for everybody so you’d best believe you’ll find your new sex jam in this playlist.

Whether you’re having make-up sex, break-up sex or spicing up long-term relationship sex I have got you covered.

So next time you’re getting down and dirty don’t stress about setting the mood, let me do it for you.

I’ve searched the music archives for the sexiest songs on the internet and I’m confident that I’ll maintain my title as the President of Playlists.

From Rihanna to Queen B, these songs are guaranteed to steam up your sex life so you can turn it on and get it on (if you know what I mean.)

Without further ado, here are 27 songs that make you horny every. single. time…

1. Drunk In Love – Beyonce

3. Pink + White – Frank Ocean

4. The Hills – The Weeknd

5. Versace On The Floor – Bruno Mars

6. Pony – Ginuwine

7. Bump, Bump, Bump – B2K, P. Diddy

  • 8. Side To Side – Ariana Grande

10. Some Unholy War – Amy Winehouse

12. Good For You – Selena Gomez ft. A$AP Rocky

13. Burn – Usher

14. Buttons – The Pussycat Dolls

15. Make Up Sex – SoMo

16. Talk Dirty – Jason Derulo feat. 2 Chainz

17. The Fix – Nelly , Jeremih

18. Maneater – Nelly Furtado

19. Lust For Life – Lana Del Rey ft. The Weeknd

20. Redbone – Childish Gambino

21. Rude Boy – Rihanna

22. The Weekend – SZA

23. Love Sex Magic – Ciara, Justin Timberlake

24. Angel – Shaggy, Rayvon

25. Man! I Feel Like A Woman – Shania Twain

26. Hot In Here – Nelly

27. Sexual Healing – Marvin Gaye

Featured image via unsplash.com.

Women Feel Horniest at a Totally Different Hour Than Men

If you’re in a hetero relationship and you and your partner are having less sex than you’d like, it may be because you’re out of sync-literally. According to a survey done by sex-toy company Lovehoney, the clock may be to blame for all your missed connections: Men are horny most often in the morning, while horny women feel most excited at night.

When Are Women the Horniest?

The survey polled 2,300 adults and found that nearly 70 percent of women say they’ve been with a partner whose sex drive was a major mismatch with their own and that one big factor was the timing of their turn-ons. Men reported that they prefer to start their day off right with a little sex between 6 and 9 a.m. while women preferred to wind down with some lovemaking between 11 p.m. and 2 a.m. Specifically, men were horniest at 7:54 in the morning while women are at 11:21 at night. (Check out these 8 Things Men Wish Women Knew About Sex.)

What This Means for Your Sex Life

While you might be skeptical about their data—most people aren’t so focused on when the clock strikes sexytime—the truth is, most people have experienced a moment when your partner wanted to get busy and you were too busy to bother (or vice versa). You can partially blame differing hormone cycles—men’s testosterone levels are highest in the morning, while women’s will increase slightly throughout the day. (Women’s testosterone levels vary less during the day and more based on your menstrual cycle, specifically surging the highest during ovulation.)

Thankfully, differing schedules and preferences don’t have to be a death knell for your sex life, says Allison Hill, M.D., an ob-gyn at Good Samaritan Hospital in Los Angeles. Women are particularly good at being flexible, says Dr. Hill. Whereas men’s desire is more direct, women’s sex drive can be influenced by a lot of different factors. (Case in point: This Workout Can Increase Your Sex Drive)

Image zoom Photo: Justin Case/Getty Images

“The current thought is that female libido is very complicated, but most of it is psychological. And, usually, it doesn’t have much to do with the woman’s partner,” says Dr. Hill. “Instead, it’s more about how the woman feels about herself and her sexuality.” So if you feel confident and sexy in yourself, you’ll be more open to sex and likely have a better chance of climaxing, regardless of what the clock says. (More on that here: Have an Amazing Orgasm By Building Confidence.)

Ditching the guilt about feeling horny or about how much you want (or don’t want) sex is another key component to having a great sex life, says Stephanie Buehler, Ph.D., author of What Every Mental Health Professional Needs to Know about Sex. “A woman’s desire can be psychological, relational, or physical (or a combination of all three), and can change depending on what’s going on in her life at the time,” says Buehler, adding that it’s okay to say no thanks if you’re just not feeling it. (Read: Why Your Lack of Sex Drive Isn’t a Disorder)

But Buehler adds that many women want that closeness with their partner and simply want to want more sex. In this case, instead of waiting to be in the perfect mood to get busy, you may have to take matters into your own hands.

“Women often don’t feel desire until after they start foreplay with their partner,” she says. “If that’s the case, don’t worry about it, just enjoy the way you feel.” Even if that’s at precisely 7:54 in the morning!

  • By Charlotte Hilton Andersen

Sex Is Complicated: 19 Types Of Horny A Girl Experiences In Her Life

When it comes to sex, we ladies are complicated.

Our sexual desires range everywhere from the romantic to the carnal, the sweet to the risqué. Sometimes, we’re in the mood to make love. Sometimes, we’re in the mood to have sex. Sometimes, to put it bluntly, we’re in the mood to f*ck.

And if you know anything about sex, you know these are three completely, completely different things.

Then again, you might not know that. Sex is both a bigger deal and a lesser deal than society says it is. We talk about sex, sure, but we don’t really talk about the variety of ways people experience it. Because when it comes to sex, complexity — both physically and emotionally — freaks us out.

Why else would we chuckle at Cosmo’s “ridiculous” sex positions and bedroom suggestions? Or the kinky, BDSM-esque Red Room sex in “50 Shades of Grey”? Or the variety of sex toys in our local Spencer’s at the mall? On a physical level, these things complicate sex. They turn sex into something weird and potentially unmanageable.

Why else do we engage in the hook-up culture, which works to ensure we don’t “complicate” sex with feelings, commitments and the like? Why else does it feel like people can’t grow up and start seeing the value in real, emotional relationships — which, along with more consistent sex, might come with “complications” of their own?

Clearly, we fear complications when it comes to sex. Even more proof of this fear lies at a basic, anatomic level of sex: We fear the vagina.

It’s no secret men orgasm more often than women, but it’s not because women can’t physically orgasm; it’s because penises are way, way easier to deal with than vaginas. People don’t care to learn about the potentially “complicated” methods it takes to make women orgasm.

It’s both a blessing and a curse that women don’t get boners. It’s a blessing because, well, an unplanned boner is just embarrassing (sorry, dudes). But it’s also a curse, because unless there’s visible, physical proof of something happening, society tends to brush things under the rug.

In this case, because women can’t give that physically obvious indication of horniness — and, on a deeper level, have been taught to suppress their sexual desires in the name of purity and feminine passiveness — society brushes their sexual desires under the rug.

But, listen, women get horny! We do! There, I said it. And, to make things even more “complicated,” we don’t just get one kind of horny; oh, no. We get multiple kinds of horny! Like, sometimes we actually do want to follow Cosmo’s weird sex tips.

And sometimes we want to dominate you. And sometimes we’re just in the mood to have a good, 10th grade back-of-your-mom’s-Volvo-style make out.

So, allow me to complicate sex even further for you. Let’s discuss the kinds of horny a woman will experience throughout her lifetime.

1. I’m-Drunk Horny

Her inhibitions are gone, everyone at the bar is hot, and she’s on the prowl for literally anyone. She’s probably not wearing any underwear, and she feels really great about it.

2. I-Just-Wanna-Make-Out Horny

She just watched “Friday Night Lights” or another one of those shows that romanticize high school and pep rallies and football games, which makes her think of long-winded makeouts behind bleachers, in the backseat of her Volkswagen, or on her childhood bed. She wouldn’t mind one of those makeouts right now.

3. I-Need-To-Get-Absolutely-Railed Horny

Her vagina is feeling very, very hollow right now. She has a deep-seeded need for something large inside of it. Preferably a penis.

4. I-Wanna-Be-Objectified Horny

She wants you to tell her how hot she is, repeatedly. Or that she has great tits. Or that her ass is a spaceship you want to ride on.

She wants you to value her for her body. Like, really dehumanize her. (It’s OK. She’s giving you permission.) Do not call her beautiful. Not here.

5. I-Wanna-Make-Love Horny

She wants a slow, sensual sexual experience. She wants a lot of sweet compliments and whispers and detailed attention. You may call her beautiful here. In fact, it is encouraged.

6. I-Wanna-Dominate Horny

She’s on a power trip. Perhaps she’s been working out, so she’s particularly proud of the vision of what her body would look like on top of you. Take advantage of this.

7. I-Wanna-Give-A-Blow-Job Horny

She’s on the ultimate power trip, even more than she is for #6. She’d like to show off her expert fellatio skills, and she’s eager for you to compliment them. This may or may not be an ego thing.

8. I-Need-To-Orgasm-Real-Quick Horny

She’s bored, can’t sleep, or stressed. A sudden urge to just make herself orgasm so she could relax washes over her, and she gets to work.

This is more of a mechanical need than an emotional need, so she hardly needs to fantasize to make this happen. She’s in and out in five minutes. Done.

9. I-Want-To-Make-Sweet-Love-To-Myself Horny

All of her roommates are gone and she just bought a new Lush bubble bath bomb. That means she’s about to pour a glass of Chardonnay, run a bath and have a field day with herself.

10. I’m-In-The-Mood-To-Watch-Porn Horny

After a few attempts without one, she finds herself needing a visual stimulant for #8 or #9.

11. I’d-Like-To-Put-Myself-In-This-Sex-Scene Horny

The actor in this sex scene is hot, so she has a serious desire to play the leading lady right now. It doesn’t even matter whether or not the kind of sex happening is her style. She’d literally do anything with Ryan Gosling.

12. Lusting-For- Horny

She accidentally stumbled upon some old raunchy text messages or a photo of him where he looks particularly attractive. Cue nostalgia about how great the sex was.

13. Lusting-For- Horny

She just brushed past the guy she has a crush on. Her vagina suddenly pulses. Perhaps she will see him this weekend. She conspires with her friends to make sure she does. The conspiring is only slightly creepy.

14. I-Wanna-Cuddle Horny

She’s really, really in the mood to cuddle. No sex. Just cuddles.

15. I’m-About-To-Reread-Fifty-Shades-Of-Grey-And-You-Can’t-Stop-Me Horny

Self-explanatory.

16. Sideline Horny

In an ideal world, she would like to have sex, but she isn’t really putting herself out there that much.

She might say she’s in a slump, but deep down, she knows she can’t call it a slump if she isn’t stepping up to the plate.

17. It’s-Been-A-Long-F*cking-Time Horny

She just needs to have confidence her vagina still works.

18. I-Had-Sex-Yesterday-And-My-Appetite-Has-Immediately-Returned Horny

She’s received confirmation her vagina works. She’d been out of the loop for so long she’s now experiencing a horniness she forgot existed.

19. I-Need-To-Get-This-Out-Of-My-System Horny

Maybe you don’t really have enough time right now to be horny, so you jump in a cold shower. Horniness over.

Contrary to age-old, legendary tales of stiff breezes and brushed-against boners, men do not have the monopoly on spontaneously induced horniness. Women, too, “turn horny” or “get a horn on” or “horn it up,” for as many varied and random reasons as men do. Sure, we may generally be too repressed to express it like sports commentators narrating our own horny memoir, but that doesn’t mean we are immune to the horn-inducing moments of life.

Still, it appears to puzzle men when they witness a woman copping to her own horn identity. On one forum, a man said his girlfriend went from wanting sex a couple times a week during their 1.5 year relationship to wanting to bang “ALL THE TIME.” He said he wasn’t complaining, but it “makes me WTF though.”

Another man took to Yahoo! Answers, man’s definitive source for horny questions, to ask “Why is my girlfriend so horny all of the sudden?” Apparently, a month before when they had ample alone time, she wasn’t interested in sex. But now that he’s back at college for the semester and “super tired and stressed and not in the mood,” every day she “literally begs me for sex.” Could she be cheating, he wonders?

A commenter tries to explain it to him: “No she’s just at exact stage and age where girls get really horny.” Not true! No! There is no “exact stage and age” of prime horniness. It can strike at any time to any woman, and the peak-sexual-prime thing for women is bullshit. (More on this later).

Here’s a sampling of potential reasons:

You Did Something

You could’ve put on that one shirt she likes and rolled up the sleeves to expose your forearms. You could’ve run your hands through your hair, softened your eyes when you looked at her, been kind to someone, or, hell, simply handled some insane traffic in a commandingly smooth way. It could be anything related to a movement, a gesture, or an act of service of some kind that was desirable, or something you had no idea makes her splash.

Maybe you took care of something in an adult, caring way that anticipated her needs without having to be reminded, nagged, scolded or ignored. You picked up the dry cleaning on your own; you restocked the fridge. Now you’ve been paid back in horniness.

You Said Something

There are tons of guides on sexy things to say to women, but they’re mostly paint-by-numbers roundups of sex things that are meant to sound sexy. That in and of itself might not be sexy for your woman, so get to know her before dropping some line about her eyes, her ass or her general fuckability. That said, if your lady loves it when you are so moved by how lovely she looks that you can’t help but say it, never hold back, will ya?

Still, things a man can also say to suddenly make a lass horny may have nothing to do with sex but are titillating in other ways. Maybe you said some really insightful things about the show Gilmore Girls, or used the best Keanu Reeves line from Something’s Gotta Give, “How great is it that I’m not intimidated by your brilliance?”

Maybe you noticed something terrible or sexist and mentioned it all on your own, because you are intelligent and not threatened. Your reward? Horniness.

You Stopped Pestering Her for Sex

When men complain about not getting any, often they are turning every physical interaction into a potentially sexy one. It’s not that this can’t make women horny — it can. It’s just that if you would just leave her alone long enough to get horny on her own sometimes, she’d get horny enough to cross the living room and come over to you and initiate. Your gift: horny time.

She’s Reached Point Horny in Her Menstrual Cycle

It varies for every woman, but most women have a Point Horny in their menstrual cycle. Sometimes it’s before they ovulate. Sometimes it’s when they ovulate. Sometimes it’s after they ovulate. Sometimes it’s directly when they’re raggin’. Sometimes it’s just after. It’s your job to pay attention to when the horniness strikes in relation to her flow. For your emotional labor, you’ll receive horniness.

She Went Off Hormonal Contraception

Birth control, the kind with hormones in it, can wreak havoc on a woman’s libido because it ups the levels of progesterone in a woman’s body, which is linked to lower desire. As a result, when some women go off it, holy smokes in the loins.

That happened to a woman who wrote to Dan Savage recently because she wanted to suddenly fuck everything that moves, and many things that don’t, once she ditched the HC. An expert offered a few reasons why: 1) She may have been on some form of contraception so long she didn’t know her normal sex vibes anymore, and 2) that progesterone business.

Hers is an extreme case, but it’s pretty common to for Stella to go off the Pill or some such and get her horny back.

It’s Her Horny Season

There is a correlating season for peak horniness for everyone, and it varies depending on the person. While most people are what you’d call summer horny, some women say being under the blankets in the winter is their personal horny time. Spring blooms and with it blooms a’ horny. And let’s not ignore fall, which is for some people, the horniest time of all.

She’s in Her Second Trimester

During the first trimester of preggo time, a woman might have morning sickness and experience rapid expansion and other discomforts that make sex seem revolting. Then, one day, she wakes up in the second trimester so horny she could bend over and take a train. Why? The nausea is probably gone, her breasts feel like ripe melons ready to burst (and are likely gigantic) and the blood volume increase is also happening down below, which means more wetness and sensitivity.

People call it the magic trimester, the golden time, a perfectly ripe avocado. I think of it as involuntary horniness. Because for one thing, you can’t control what makes you horny, and it’s often shit your brain knows perfectly well is not horny at all but suddenly is to you. It’s being horny against your will, which is strangely hot but also confusing and scary.

When it happened to me, I was hijacked by horned-up thoughts about a co-worker I thought was gross, and also macaroni. It was the closest thing I could imagine to being an eighth-grade boy. Weirder still, I’d never been less physically comfortable in my life, and yet I was suddenly a monster horndog. Bizarre. Had a ton of sex, and it was never ever enough. Then I hit the trimester and it was if it had all been some kind of weird dream and sex was repulsive.

She’s Slightly Hungover

People get randy when they’re dragging ass with a hangover, mainly because of alcohol myopia. That means maybe you still have enough booze in your system to still be single-minded about your drunken desires. Other explanations involve simply craving things that soothe either the emotional hangover state (anxious/guilty) and the physical (endorphins from sex feelings and orgasm relieve hangover, temporarily). This happens to women, too.

She Consumed Horny Media

If a woman clicks off the TV, sets down her phone, comes over to you and straddles you, you can be sure she just read or saw a thing about a man doing a sexy thing or a sexy sex thing happening and wants that sexy thing with you. Go with it.

She Saw a Hot Guy

Just like men, seeing fantastic-looking, well-put together people of their preferred gender makes women horny too.

She Got Herself Some Feminism

Yes, feminism. Feminism has given women all manner of freedoms, but chief among them is the Right to Horniness. If men understood this, I believe they would all become feminists right away, or at least the equivalent of feminist ushers.

This is evidenced by the astonishing number of modern women’s media sites that have gotten super, boldly, openly horny. “Just 50 Horny Photos of Bruce Springsteen,” for instance, is a recent piece over at the Cut. This matter-of-fact horniness may seem like nothing to men, but this is groundbreakingly novel for women. Compare this to my teenage exposure to female horniness via media, Teen Bop and Sassy’s “Cute Band Alert.”

You Just Had Great Sex

Confusing as it may be, there is a thing that happens sometimes after you have an epic orgasm where you’re actually still horny for more of that shit. Not like in the you-need-to-go-masturbate-because-you-didn’t-actually-get-off sense, but in the you-want-to-do-it-again-with-him-real-bad way. Hope you’re up for round two, buddy.

She’s Old(er)

You’ve likely heard women reach their sexual peak at 35, compared to men hitting theirs at 18, but it’s a wildly misunderstood notion. Old research believed that women get extra horny at 35 because their fertility has declined and they are suddenly mega-thirsty for a baby. Being horny compels them to go get that seed.

We know now it’s not really the case: Peak horniness is about a lot of things, but a big one is the comfort level with her body and understanding of what turns her on, as well as the ability to actually seek it out or ask for it. These things lead to maximum horniness, and for many women, that doesn’t align until they are old enough to no longer be hung up on every single physical flaw. Or until they just stop giving a fuck.

For No Reason Whatsoever

And finally, women can just be horny and not know why. Random horniness is, again, a universal experience, and sometimes while sitting in a meeting or falling asleep at night, a woman will realize her entire clitoral situation is throbbing like a neon sign for no clear identifiable reason. She’s just… horny. Just like you.

But the good news is it’s not really necessary for you to know why she’s horny. Besides, if she told you why, you might try to recreate it all the time. And then it wouldn’t be horny anymore. So what is to be done? Sympathize. Offer horny support. And if it all possible, relieve it.

If there isn’t time to address it, you can always put her in Horny Jail until you can meet her needs at a later time. But don’t delay too much and don’t leave her hanging. Like the worst headache of your life, horniness can’t wait to be treated, and must be addressed sooner rather than later. Your move.

Tracy Moore

Tracy Moore is a staff writer at MEL. She covers all the soft sciences like psychology, sex, relationships and parenting, but since this is a men’s magazine, occasionally the hard ones. Formerly at Jezebel.

When girls get horny?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *