- Psychologist Explains a Common Reason Relationships Fail That No One Likes to Discuss
- 11 Signs & Symptoms Of A Failing Relationship That Almost Everyone Misses
- 1. You’ve Stopped Arguing (Or Never Started)
- 2. You Let Each Other Get Away With Everything
- 3. They Disregard You In Little Ways
- 4. Your Arguments Go From Zero To Sixty
- 5. You Don’t Appear To Be Included In Future Plans
- 6. They’re Not As Available As They Used To Be
- 7. You Aren’t As Close Anymore
- 8. You Haven’t Had Sex In Ages
- 9. Or, You Have Sex All The Time
- 10. You Spend 24/7 Together
- 11. Their Jealousy Has Gotten Out Of Control
- 10 Steps To Take When A Good Relationship Starts To Go bad
- Differences Between Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships
- 10 Commitments to Get You Back on Track
- Reasons Why Good Relationships Go Bad
- 1) Falling for the Sex Trap
- 2) Non-negotiables Were Not Met
- 3) He or She Just Wasn’t that Into You
- 4) There’s Too Much Distance
- 5) Slow Down to Speed Up
Psychologist Explains a Common Reason Relationships Fail That No One Likes to Discuss
There’s an old saying, “When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.” In other words, before you give up, take matters into your own hands and try a little harder.
As a psychology researcher, I believe this adage applies to relationships, too.
Before you let go, look for the “knots” that might save you from accidentally letting a great relationship slip from your grasp.
Relationship science suggests that the problem is that people tend to overemphasize the negative and underappreciate the positive when looking at their romantic partners.
If you could build the perfect relationship, what would it look like? Perhaps more importantly, how does your current relationship stack up?
Expectations for today’s relationships are higher than ever. Now that relationships are a choice, mediocrity isn’t acceptable. It’s all or nothing, and no one wants to settle.
The secret to avoiding settling seems simple: have high standards and demand only the very best. Researchers refer to people who are pickier than others and always want the absolute best possible option as maximizers.
Their counterparts are satisficers – those satisfied once quality surpasses a minimum threshold of acceptability. For them, “good enough” is perfectly fine. As long as their relationship exceeds their predetermined benchmarks for “high quality,” satisficers are content.
Maximizer personalities will tend to exhaust all options and explore many possibilities to secure the flawless partner.
You might think that sounds ideal, even noble, almost like common sense. But there are hidden downsides.
Call it the myth of maximization, because the research reveals that maximizers report more regret and depression and feel threatened by others whom they perceive as doing better.
Maximizers also experience lower self-esteem and less optimism, happiness and life satisfaction. And they prefer reversible decisions or outcomes that are not absolute or final.
See the problem? In long-term relationships, people tend to prefer more of a “’til death do us part” approach rather than a “’til I find something better” tactic.
Overall, the implication for your relationship is clear: The continuous pursuit of perfection could be fine for a car, but in your relationship it may result in failing to recognize the truly great relationship that’s right in front of you for what it is. Impossibly high standards can make an excellent relationship seem average.
You may also undervalue your relationship by being too quick to identify imperfections, notice the negatives and find problems. Blame what psychologists call the negativity bias, which is a tendency to pay attention to the bad or negative aspects of an experience.
In other words, when your relationship is going well, it doesn’t register. You take it for granted. But problems? They capture your attention.
The bickering, insensitive comments, forgotten chores, the messes and the inconveniences – all stand out because they deviate from the easily overlooked happy status quo.
This tendency is so pronounced that when a relationship doesn’t have any major issues, research suggests that people inflate small problems into bigger ones.
Rather than be thankful for the relative calm, people manufacture problems where none previously existed. You could be your own worst enemy without even realizing it.
Time to recalibrate. The key is separating the critical from the inconsequential in order to distinguish minor issues from real problems.
Identifying the true dealbreakers will allow you to save your energy for real problems, and allow the minor stuff to simply fade away.
Data from a representative sample of over 5,000 Americans, ranging in age from 21 to over 76, identified the top 10 relationship dealbreakers:
- Disheveled or unclean appearance
- Too needy
- Lacks a sense of humor
- Lives more than three hours away
- Bad sex
- Lacks self-confidence
- Too much TV/video games
- Low sex drive
Beyond that list, there are certainly annoyances that can become dealbreakers in otherwise generally healthy relationships. And if your partner disrespects, hurts or abuses you, those are behaviors that shouldn’t be ignored and should rightly end your relationship.
In a follow-up study, researchers asked participants to consider both dealbreakers and dealmakers – that is, qualities that are especially appealing. When determining whether a relationship was viable, it turned out the dealbreakers carried more weight. The negativity bias strikes again.
The fact that people tend to focus more on the breakers than the makers is further evidence that we’re not giving some aspects of our relationship enough credit.
To help you better appreciate your partner’s good qualities, consider the qualities individuals find most desirable in a marriage partner.
(The Conversation, CC-BY-ND. Source: Journal of Personality, Botwin et al, 2006)
What have you been missing in your relationship? Surely there are boxes that your partner checks that you’ve neglected to notice. Start giving credit where credit is due.
In fact, some studies suggest you should give your partner even more credit than she or he might deserve. Instead of being realistic, give your partner the benefit of the doubt, with an overly generous appraisal. Would you be lying to yourself?
Sure, a little bit. But research shows that these types of positive illusions help the relationship by decreasing conflict while increasing satisfaction, love and trust.
Holding overly optimistic views of your partner convinces you of their value, which reflects well on you – you’re the one who has such a great partner, after all.
Your rose-colored opinions also make your partner feel good and give them a good reputation to live up to. They won’t want to let you down so they’ll try to fulfill your positive prophecy. All of which benefits your relationship.
It’s time to stop being overly critical of your relationship. Instead find the knots, the parts of your relationship you’ve been taking for granted that will help you hold on.
If you know where to look and what to appreciate, you may just realize there are a lot more reasons to happily hold onto your relationship than you thought.
Gary W. Lewandowski Jr., Professor of Psychology, Monmouth University.
This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.
I can’t remember how many breakups I’ve been through. I’ve lost count. Sometimes I wondered if they just weren’t the one for me, but most times I believed I was in the wrong in the relationship.
Years ago, my first boyfriend broke up with me because I was too busy for him.
He wanted to be my first priority, above everything and everyone else. I did try for him. It was my first relationship and I didn’t want to disappoint him. So I abandoned my family time, barely spent time with my friends and even neglected my studies, all for him, but apparently, it wasn’t enough.
And I believed, our breakup was my fault. I should’ve spent more time with him.
After a while being single, I had a new boyfriend. But it didn’t take long for him to break up with me too.
His reason? I was too fat for him. When we were first dating, I was a little bit skinnier, but few months after that I gained weight. Although it wasn’t much and I was only a size 3, it didn’t please him. He preferred the way I looked before I became ‘fat’.
I tried to diet so I could lose weight for him. Now I know it was pretty impossible, for me to lose that weight, but I was desperate for the appearance I had before. So, I worked out for hours a day and starved myself. Sometimes I fell sick because of it. And it was pointless because he still dumped me anyway.
Again, I believed it was my fault.
That wasn’t even the worst breakup excuse I’ve heard.
There was one time when I’d lost touch with my goals, passions, and dreams. This time, I was in a relationship with a guy with a ‘traditional’ mindset.
I told him about my big dreams, but all I got was his disapproval. He wanted someone who could fulfill her responsibilities as ‘his wife’ – or in other words, full-time housewife. For him, a woman should be committed to domestic responsibilities and house duties. We were in a serious relationship and already had marriage on our minds. I was madly, foolishly in love with him, so I changed my mind and sacrificed my own interests just for him.
Still, it didn’t work out. I still couldn’t fit his ‘perfect’ wife requirements.
I had more relationships after that, but they all failed. Some ended for ridiculous reasons. Sometimes I dressed up too much to their liking, and the other times it was my habit of hiding my ‘natural look’ behind my makeup too much. The weirdest reason of all? I talked just like his MOM.
I thought there was something wrong with me, which ruined every relationship I was in. I always changed so much about myself to try and make the relationships work. I put my boyfriends as my top priority and forgot to look after myself.
Finally, I decided that maybe relationships in general just weren’t for me.
I stopped dating for years. I rejected a lot of men that wanted to date me.
But there were times when I’ve plenty of happy couples and wondered what made their relationship work. Slowly, I started to realize one thing.
The men respected their partners. They let their girlfriend be the person they wanted to be.
This whole time, I lost myself just for the sake of a man.
I was never the problem, they all were.
I compromised my needs and interests so I could be ‘worthy’ of them. I completely lost my self-worth as well as my identity for the sake of a relationship. For those undeserving men, I distanced myself from my family and friends.
I realized it was time for me to find myself again after losing myself to all these unhealthy relationships. I had a lot of passions and hobbies before, but they were all forgotten and I wasn’t sure if I’d enjoy them as much as I used to.
Compromises and sacrifices are important in a relationship, but not to the point where I had to forsake my self-value just to make a man happy.
11 Signs & Symptoms Of A Failing Relationship That Almost Everyone Misses
When a relationship is failing, there are usually some pretty obvious signs, like an increase in arguments, name-calling, and more time spend apart. But, when things have gotten unhealthy (and may be rushing towards an end) it’s not always so obvious. Sometimes, there are subtler signs a relationship is failing. While they can be easy to miss, these symptoms are just as important to recognize if you want to save your relationship.
Keep in mind though, that some relationships are too toxic, and thus not worth holding onto. But if your partnership is worth saving (i.e., it has some redeemable, healthy qualities, or you’re just going through a rough patch), rest assured there are some things you can do.
If things don’t feel right or you’ve noticed some changes, start by talking with your SO and laying everything out on the proverbial table. “Communication is key,” says NYC-based therapist Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW. “Talk to your partner in a relaxed environment and commit to taking steps to make a change. People get comfortable and want to avoid conflict. However, the only ways things change is to work through issues.” Here are some signs that it may be time to reevaluate where things went wrong, so you can work together to make them right again.
1. You’ve Stopped Arguing (Or Never Started)
While this might sound like heaven on earth, it’s actually not a great sign if you and your partner never argue. “It … suggests that you are either not comfortable, or not aware that you are molding yourself into a carbon copy of the other person,” psychologist and radio show host Dr. Joshua Klapow tells Bustle. For a relationship to last, you both need to be able to argue and speak your mind.
2. You Let Each Other Get Away With Everything
In the same vein, it’s not healthy to let your partner bug the hell out of you without saying anything, simply because “you love them.” Because, turns out, there is a thing as being too tolerant. As Klapow says, “This is the idea of basically letting your frustrations and compromises build up so much that you lose yourself in the process. You no longer have a life you want, but a life of tolerating them.” And that’s not as sweet as it sounds.
3. They Disregard You In Little Ways
A relationship that’s built to last will consist of two people who always take each other into consideration. So yes, you should be concerned if your parter is suddenly living that solo life. “They eat by themselves and don’t include you in dinner plans. They stop adding your laundry to the loads they are washing. They don’t leave your mail in a neat file for you like they used to,” couples counselor Erin Wiley tells Bustle. “Discontinuing the simple, small things we do for each other when we are in a solid relationship is a good indicator that your partner is not as invested as they used to be.”
4. Your Arguments Go From Zero To Sixty
Again, arguing is a good thing. But it could be a sign of a problem if they start off way harsh. “When your partner — who used to bring up concerns or conflicts in a fairly peaceable way — starts out difficult discussions at an intense level, with anger from the very first words uttered, that is cause for concern,” Wiley says. “There is likely an underlying contempt that’s been brewing that is not being identified, spoken, and dealt with. “
5. You Don’t Appear To Be Included In Future Plans
If, when you stop and think about it, you realize you’ve yet to hear about any holiday plans, take note. If things are on the outs, ” may start planning activities in the future that don’t include you: holidays, trips with friends, things that you have been included in the past,” says relationship expert Stef Safran.
6. They’re Not As Available As They Used To Be
While you don’t have to do everything together as a couple, you certainly want to be involved in their life. So speak up if you notice that they’re never around anymore. As Safran tells me, they might be spending more time with friends, or taking longer to come home from work. This could be a way of establishing themselves outside the relationship, because they know it’ll end soon. Or, a way to avoid the problems you’re having at home.
7. You Aren’t As Close Anymore
As Beverly Hills psychotherapist Dr. Fran Walfish tells me, you’ll notice a gradual distancing between you and your partner. “You’re now feeling a sense of chasing or trying to get hold and sustaining attention, when before it required no effort at all.” In other words, you feel kind of ignored. And that’s not OK.
8. You Haven’t Had Sex In Ages
Sex can dwindle as a long-term relationship goes on, but do take note if you look up one day and realize it’s been…. well, you’re not even sure how long since the last time you had sex. As Walfish says, “The number one symptom of a failing relationship is the disappearance of sex. When the communication falters, sex wains.”
9. Or, You Have Sex All The Time
If the only thing you two have going for you is a fun sex life, think twice. “If the sex is great but there is little emotional connection and not much quality time together, the chance of your relationship lasting is pretty small,” says Hershenson. “Sex is only part of a good relationship.” So don’t think things are “great” just because you’re constantly in bed.
10. You Spend 24/7 Together
Again, a healthy relationship does not mean you two spend every waking moment together. “It’s important to have your own interests outside the relationship. Spending time with friends and having hobbies will only make you a better person and more present in the relationship,” Hershenson says. So make this a priority, or consider your relationship headed for disaster.
11. Their Jealousy Has Gotten Out Of Control
If you or your partner are the jealous type, it can take a toll on your relationship — and may even mean things will end. So, do they get jealous over every little thing? “Those are signs of an insecure person who is struggling with sharing you and your time with others,” Wiley says. “An unhealthy sign that the relationship may not last long-term.”
These subtle signs are all tiny symptoms of a failing relationship, or issues that can make things fail. Once you notice them, speak up ASAP. If the relationship is worth saving, you and your partner can work together — by having open communication — to make things healthier.
Images: Pexels (12)
10 Steps To Take When A Good Relationship Starts To Go bad
“Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” – Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina
One of the most difficult moments in the course of a relationship occurs when we begin to suspect that what was once good has gone bad, and what once brought life now brings only deepening pain. The growing emotional toll begins to overwhelm us, like the seemingly insignificant waves of a tsunami that hide its true devastating power. While there are some relationships that are so toxic that it is unwise and unsafe to continue in them, there are also important and valued relationships that are worth saving. And in this case, there are some strategic steps you can take to not only save those relationships, but also bring new vitality, health and happiness to them.
So what are the signs of healthy relationships going bad? Are all unhappy relationships created equal, or are some more or less harmful than others? How do you keep your relationships toxic-free, and how do we become the person that relates well to others?
Here are three ways happy, thriving relationships differ from unhappy ones, and some practical tips that can keep your relationships from becoming toxic.
Differences Between Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships
1. Healthy relationships are emotionally safe.
In a healthy relationship, you can be vulnerable with your feelings and still feel accepted, make mistakes without fear of judgment, and you can speak openly about thoughts and emotions. In essence you can be yourself, and you feel heard when expressing feelings. An emotionally safe friendship is marked by warmth and delight, sympathy and compassion, and free from chronic negative interactions like jealousy, criticism, contempt and defensiveness.
Relationships that go bad are not safe, and you feel increasingly wary, pessimistic and depressed. Such feelings are often connected to the emotion of contempt, with its insulting and hostile humor, name-calling, sneering, mockery and eye-rolling. Bad relationships seem to thrive on conflict, where arguments rapidly become negative. There is more manipulation, a lack of compromise, and an avoidance of dealing with issues. When contempt takes root in your friendship or marriage it suffocates the good and does great harm, creating an emotionally toxic and unsafe relationship. Watch out for signs of denying responsibility, making excuses, whining, and neither person taking responsibility for setting things right.
2. Healthy relationships are enjoyable.
In a healthy relationship, there are more smiles, fun and delight than discontent and disappointment. There is more giving than taking. You feel comfortable and vulnerable, and laugh easily. You feel like the other person gets you. You have fondness and kindness as primary ways of interacting. In The Four Loves C.S. Lewis said that “…affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives…It does not expect too much, turns a blind eye to faults, revives easily after quarrels.” Good friends put into practice James 1:19—They are quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. They celebrate each other’s accomplishments and successes, treat each other with respect, and speak openly to one another about thoughts and feelings.
In relationships that go bad there is too much criticism of each other, and neither person feels supported to do the things they like. There is usually poor communication—you don’t feel heard or understood, you are unable to share feelings, or say “I was wrong.” There is more fault-finding and back-biting than an willingness to listen and compromise. A good test is to notice the number or ratio of positive, upbeat interactions to negative ones. If there are an equal number, i.e., for every positive interaction there is a negative one, you may be in a relationship marked by growing discord. A great goal is to aim for a healthier ratio, such as four positive, upbeat interactions to every negative one.
3. Healthy relationships are trusting.
In a healthy relationship, there is a mutual care for each other, and we allow the other person to spend time with friends and family. There is an expectation of longevity—a sense of a future together. Such relationships are marked by honesty and trustworthiness. The apostle Paul said to the Philippians in chapter 2, verses 3-4: “Do nothing from selfish or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourself, do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” You both share and listen to each other’s problems, taking an interest and making an investment in each other.
In relationships that go bad there are increasing doubts, cynicism and a growing wariness. Your friend or partner will begin to demand your trust, and even seek to keep you from others for fear of being abandoned. Such jealousy and control is unhealthy. There is a selfishness that seeps in, where one person is only interested in talking about their accomplishments, their ideas and their outlook on life. There may be an abuse of technology to check on a partner, or an expectation or requirement to “check in.” There is pressure to do things the other may not want to do, and you are often accused of cheating or being unfaithful. A person in this relationship may show signs of character or sin issues such as dishonesty, untrustworthiness and an unteachable heart.
10 Commitments to Get You Back on Track
If you find yourself in a relationship heading into the unhealthy category, and the relationship is deeply valued and needs to be saved, here are 10 things you and your friend or partner need to commit to doing in order to make it more enjoyable, trusting and emotionally safe:
- I will seek to be curious about you and show genuine interest in what you have to share.
- I will validate your feelings.
- I will not judge your feelings and thoughts.
- I will share my feelings and thoughts.
- I will commit to pray daily for you.
- I will show affection in ways that are meaningful to you.
- I will spend time getting to know you.
- I will serve you in ways that are meaningful to you.
- I will affirm you and express appreciation of you.
- I will have fun and laugh with you.
Regularly practicing these 10 vital steps can provide a powerful counter to the hidden but destructive powers that creep in and undermine your connection to each other. Get your relationship back on track today and soon you will experience new vitality, joy and health in your relationship.
“If you’ve gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand…” – Philippians 2:3-4 (The Message)
Reasons Why Good Relationships Go Bad
Most relationships usually start on a good note but many of these relationships do not withstand the test of time. In this article I will discuss some common reasons why good relationships go bad.
If someone is busy with work.
There are certain people who will completely focus on their work while subconsciously blocking out everything else in their life. If this person is in a committed relationship this can send the wrong message to their partner. This person’s partner may get the impression that their relationship is less important than their work.
If there isn’t very much sex in the relationship.
Having a great sex-life is one of the keys to longevity in any successful relationship. Sometimes one partner may have a significantly higher sex drive than the other, if someone feels sexually unfulfilled this can create some major problems in the relationship.
If someone has cheated.
Cheating can ruin a good relationship, some relationships can be saved after someone has cheated while other relationships cannot.
Most people who have high self-esteem will not continue a relationship after their partner has cheated on them.
While many people with low self-esteem may stay with their partner after they have cheated on them because they believe that it will be too difficult for them to find someone else who truly appreciates them.
If someone feels as though they are giving more than they are receiving.
There are people who enjoy doing acts of kindness for their partner but when these acts of kindness are not reciprocated the person who is giving may feel as though their partner does not appreciate them.
Money can often ruin good relationships.
Someone who expects lots of expensive gifts from their partner may ruin their relationship. Someone who has bad spending habits may also ruin their relationship, the idea of being with someone who is high maintenance does not appeal to everyone because money cannot buy you love.
If someone is constantly lying.
Most honest people dislike people who are consistently telling lies. If someone is extremely honest with their partner but their partner consistently lies to them, this can ruin their relationship.
These are some of the most common reasons why good relationships go bad. Extremely selfish people will often ruin their relationships because many of them are too focused on themselves that they do not empathize, it can be difficult for them the look at things from someone else’s point of view.
I’m a Relationship Coach now, but before I became a coach, I struggled at dating for years just like you. And the part of dating that sometimes would drive me bonkers was when I met someone or was in a relationship with a person that seemed to check all the boxes. And I seriously thought he was my Mr. Right.
You know, when you find a person who you have a connection with that makes you feel positive about dating, even happy about it. And then… poof, just like that…he’s gone. Disappears like a puff of smoke into the wind.
Back then I always wondered why this happened. I remember second guessing all my choices. I mean, how could I think that this person was so right for me and things end up so horribly wrong.
So many daters out there make the same critical mistake (like I used to) in thinking that they should just give up hope because they can’t find answers of why this happened or how to avoid this dating disappointment again.
I’m here to share with you the secret to avoiding these fizzling relationships starts with becoming Conscious with Dating.
When you’re (conscious) self-aware and mindful of dating patterns that hurt you, you won’t risk repeating the same patterns again.
Instead, you can actually make conscious choices that serve your relationship goals and be well on your way to finding that good relationship that will never end… your forever relationship.
The key is to look back at all your relationships, take ownership that you played a part in it as well, and be mindful of dating patterns that may sabotage your next relationship.
So let’s start with the top reason 5 reasons good relationships go bad and how you can make sure it never happens to you again.
1) Falling for the Sex Trap
Helen Fisher asked newly “love struck” couples to have their brains scanned and discovered that they have high levels of the neurotransmitter dopamine. This chemical stimulates “desire and reward” by triggering an intense rush of pleasure.
It has the same effect on the brain as taking cocaine! Yes, you read that correctly, cocaine! Fisher suggests new couples often show the signs of surging dopamine: increased energy, less need for sleep or food, focused attention and exquisite delight in the smallest details of this novel relationship. Some say true love lasts a lifetime.
Well, that may or may not be true, but when it comes to the chemistry of love things do not last so long. The chemicals released in any of the three Stages can last anywhere from a few months to a few years. So I like to consider the one to two-year relationship period the probationary love period.
Because sure these early feelings can be wonderful (especially when you meet the right person) and should be embraced, but the thing to pay attention to is how these feelings are affecting your behavior and your choices.
The key to finding dating success is to understand that some of what you both may be feeling is chemical and will eventually lessen. Because when the chemicals wear off so does the attraction that comes with it, then all you’re left is with the relationship you chose. Good or bad. So balance your heart with your head.
2) Non-negotiables Were Not Met
Most singles come to me thinking they know their Non-negotiables commonly known as deal-breakers. The problem is they really don’t.
Non-negotiables are core values a person requires to have in a relationship in order to be happy, and if even one is not met in a relationship, the relationship will fail in every case. Yes, that’s right, even one.
So even if you were dating someone and he met 9 out of 10 of your Non-negotiables and just one was not met, then it will eventually end.
So until you know and understand how your Non-negotiables you may be setting yourself up for yet another good relationship that just doesn’t have what it takes to survive.
3) He or She Just Wasn’t that Into You
I know this sounds cliché and even hard to admit, but one of the great tests to see how much a guy is into you is to pay attention to his actions, and see if they actually match his words. For many, when the relationship looks and feels good almost everything their counterpart says just seems right.
In the early stages of dating we may be meeting the representative of that person and not truly the flawed authentic person. That’s why I say, talk is cheap, show me instead.
I bet if I asked you right now to think back to one of your good relationships that went bad, you can think of more than one time when your “good” partner said one thing and did another. I know this happened to me a lot in my past relationships.
Maybe it was small and like he said he would call you back and never did or something bigger, like I want you to meet my friends or family and weeks or months went by with no introduction.
Conscious daters actually don’t get offended by this behavior, instead they make a mental note that this person may not be a good fit for them. And when things don’t match up, they exit the relationship before investing their heart.
4) There’s Too Much Distance
By distance I mean in life-visions distance, where there is too much distance between where you are and where they are in life. When two people get along amazingly, but are just at two different places in their life, it can be so tough to overcome.
Maybe you’re someone who is ready to settle down, but the other person is thinking more about their career.
Or you’re ready for a long-term commitment or even marriage and the other person is fresh out of a divorce still discovering their identity. Timing is everything as they say.
So make sure that when you decide on a partner, that you factor in timing with each others life visions and make sure you both are headed down the same path.
If you’re unclear about your life vision, it can be difficult to screen a potential partner. I can help you gain clarity and stop wasting time on wrong partners. Just schedule a Relationship Readiness Review with here.
5) Slow Down to Speed Up
Sometimes when we are excited in a relationship we like to jump to the end before we even get to the middle chapter and miss some crucial screening time.
Yes, we’ve all done it once or more in our life, where we quickly (after a few dates) jump into bed too soon or even create a fantasy of what our future babies will look like with the guy or girl were dating.
But for others sitting across from us, they may be thinking things are just moving too fast and without knowing, we’ve pushed them away.
It’s so important to slow things down (I’m serious!), stay present, and pace yourself in the relationship. If this person is meant for you, then what’s the point of rushing? You’re going to spend the rest of your life with him or her anyway.
Also time is your friend, give yourself 2 to 3 months to get to know this person before you fully invest your heart. Most companies give a 90-day probationary period before they fully commit to hiring the person, you should too.
This way you won’t miss any of the MAJOR red flags and it’s the best way protect your heart. So as you enter into a relationship take things slow, even if that pace seems wrong to you because I promise you when it comes to finding love it’s a marathon not a sprint.
If you’ve been struggling with finding a quality partner and truly are ready for a meaningful relationship…I can help. You may be just missing some screening skills, schedule a Relationship Readiness Review with here and let’s talk.