- What Happens When You Let A Good Woman Go
- Women’s power to hurt the male ego
- Does a Breakup Hurt Men as Much as Women?
- “Why do men hurt women?”
- Does Leadership Authenticity Help Men and Hurt Women?
- Do You Always Fall in Love With Men Who Hurt You?
- It Hurts Me, Too: What Breaking Up Is Like From A Guy’s Perspective
What Happens When You Let A Good Woman Go
If you’ve ever let an amazing woman go, you’ll probably come to regret it eventually and wonder how she’s doing since the ending went down. You may think (or hope) she’s still pining after you, but you’re probably wrong. Even though she may have been devastated when you broke her heart, she soon recovered and become braver and stronger than ever, and that’s just the beginning.
She lets it all out.
They say hell hath no fury than a woman scorned, but with a good woman, it’s infinitely worse. Sure, she cries and curses you plenty in the beginning, but deep down she knows the best form of revenge isn’t blowing up your phone or to send you nasty emails — it’s going on to live a happy life without you in it.
She lets her pain fuel her.
Once the dust settles, she takes action. She uses the scorched earth beneath her to rise above the BS mess you made of her heart. Not only does she aim to repair herself, but she improves herself in ways you live to regret. Everything you once wanted her to be will be only a fraction of what she becomes.
She seeks to improve herself.
It’s not just about taking up new hobbies and getting a new look — she carries herself with a new-found sense of confidence. When a good woman gets hurt, she lets the pain guide her to become an even better woman going forward. Sure, you may have broken her heart, but remember this — she’s back on the market and you had your chance. She’s not wasting any time crying over you when she could be on her way to an even better life ahead.
She gets even stronger than before.
Each time a good woman’s heart is tested, it gets stronger. She’ll be damned if she lets that stuff crumble to ashes at the hands of a man who isn’t worth it. A strong woman is merely the product of being screwed over plenty of times, and that’s what makes her brilliant and amazing — she’s resilient.
She looks at the big picture.
She’ll wipe the picture she painted with you clear from her memories and focus on a story that’s yet to be written. Why would she waste her time and energy focusing on someone who didn’t appreciate what he had when he had it? She’d rather look at the grander picture, which is that you were a chapter of her journey that’s now over.
She goes out and gets noticed.
When you let a good woman go, you can bet that someone else will see what you didn’t. She gets noticed not just because she’s amazing, but because she radiates her strength and happiness for having survived being broken before.
She forgets all about you.
When she aims to get over you, she does it all the way. A good woman won’t beg you to stay and she certainly won’t waste her energy thinking about you often, either. If it’s over, you no longer exist. You were just a ripple in her heartbeat.
She’s appreciated by someone who deserves her.
The day will come when you were merely a pit stop on the road to someone who truly makes her happy. When you let a good woman go, a better man eventually comes along to show her what she’s been searching for all along — and it was never you.
She becomes your loss, not the other way around.
The good woman is the one who got away and it’s because you let her go. If at the time you thought she wouldn’t be able to survive without you or that you were the one meant for greater things, think again. Not only did you let an amazing woman slip from your grip, but you just made her infinitely more incredible because of it — and you’ll be the one who misses out.
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Andrea Wesley Andrea is a Thirty-Something freelance writer living in the suburbs of Vancouver, Canada with her ridiculous ginger tabby, Jagger. She first discovered her passion for writing at the age of 10 when she began filling notebooks with poetry. She’s a cliche lover of wine, sushi, all things Parisian and spiking her coffee with Baileys.
Women’s power to hurt the male ego
Acknowledge the big picture and postive qualities your man exhibits before asking for a change. STORY HIGHLIGHTS
- A woman has more influence over her man than she thinks
- When a man falls in love with a woman, he gives her easy access to his self-esteem
- Men take words more literally than women and hear them in sweeping terms
- A man will try to live up to the image his wife has of him
- Culture and Lifestyle
(Oprah.com) — Here’s a closely guarded secret: Women have more influence over men than they think. Psychologist Jay Carter talks to Michelle Burford about male self-esteem, the criticism that could demolish a man and what male intimacy is really about.
Twenty-six years of counseling men and couples have given Jay Carter an unusually clear window into men’s hearts and minds. Carter’s observations are so eye-opening that we asked him about everything from finding the key to a man’s inner life to the best way to chew him out when you’re mad:
Michelle Burford: You’ve written that most women have no idea of their power to wound men. Where does this power originate?
Jay Carter: During a boy’s most important developmental period — his first five years — he usually gets his self-esteem from his mother. I think some of Freud’s theories are hogwash, but I believe he was right about at least one: Whereas a girl might choose to grow up to become like her mother in certain ways, a boy tries to be becoming to his mother — to make her proud.
Years later, when he meets someone he wants to spend his life with, he unconsciously gives her what I call his “jujube doll” — a kind of voodoo-like name I have for the part of a man’s self-esteem that’s vulnerable to a woman’s opinion of him. If she sticks a pin in his doll, he recoils. Most women I talk with don’t realize what kind of influence they have over men.
Burford: Doesn’t a woman likewise hand over part of her power to the most significant man in her life?
Carter: Yes, but she does it by sharing her most private feelings. The seat of a woman’s soul is her emotions. A woman usually believes you know her when you know what she feels. But the seat of a man’s soul is his intent or purpose.
That’s why when a woman bares her soul by disclosing her feelings, a man often doesn’t recognize that as significant. He’s been socialized to discount feelings.
For him, baring the soul means sharing his hopes and dreams. He may say things that seem boring, silly or outlandish: “You know what I’d do if I had $20,000? I’d invest it in lotto.” But if a woman really listens, he’ll share more.
After a failure, a man might express his intentions by saying, “I know I’ve messed up, but here’s what I wanted for our family.” When a woman understands this, she can begin to share her own intentions as a way of drawing him closer. Men respect hopes and dreams. That’s a language they speak.
Burford: In your book “Nasty Women,” you state that men are more word-oriented. But aren’t women considered more verbal?
Carter: Yes, but research on gender differences has proven that men tend to take words more literally and to hear them in more sweeping terms.
Let’s say a woman asks her husband to pick up a half-gallon of orange juice after work. When he arrives home empty-handed, she’s irritated.
She might offhandedly say, “You are so irresponsible.” All he hears is the word irresponsible. He believes she’s saying he’s irresponsible in general. He thinks, “What about all the months I paid the mortgage? Does one slipup erase all my effort? And why is she overreacting?”
With his self-esteem wounded, he may launch into a defense about what it means to be responsible. She gets frustrated because he’s so caught up in words that he doesn’t acknowledge her feelings — and that’s usually because he doesn’t remember how important feelings are to her.
Oprah.com: How well do you know your partner? Take the quiz to find out
Burford: What if the man really is irresponsible? How do you communicate that without inciting a gender missile crisis?
Carter: If you decide you want to keep the man around, don’t use the word irresponsible. You can call him a jerk or even an ass and it won’t devastate him, because what is a jerk? That’s not concretely definable. But what a man feels when you call him irresponsible is what a woman feels when you call her a bitch. It’s the ultimate insult. So if you’re angry at a man, just call him a bitch.
Burford: Suppose a woman tunes in to her partner’s intentions but he doesn’t reciprocate by hearing her needs. How can she convey her frustration without becoming a nag or know-it-all?
Carter: She can get his attention through action. If a man leaves his pajamas on the floor, a woman might get so upset that she’ll accuse him of disregarding her feelings. Then for two days, he’ll pick up the PJs to avoid an emotional outburst.
But if two men were living together, one would simply say to the other, “Do you think you could put away your smelly pajamas before my girlfriend gets here?” The other agrees — but still leaves his PJs out. So his roommate finally says with a grin, “The next time you leave your pajamas out, I’m gonna burn ’em in the backyard.” He does. When the other guy looks for his PJs, he finds a smoldering pile of cloth.
That’s how men operate. They don’t call each other irresponsible or accuse each other of not caring about feelings; they simply burn the damn pajamas. For a woman to get a man’s attention without bruising his jujube doll, she has to show rather than tell.
Burford: You’ve written that when a woman begins to care deeply for a man, he becomes her home-improvement project. Why?
Carter:A woman often marries a man for his potential. If women married men for who they actually were, there would be far fewer marriages. When a woman loves a man, she says to herself, ‘I could improve him. Once we’re together, things will be different.’
Since I began my practice in 1977, I’ve heard this refrain hundreds of times. I try to get it across to the woman that what she sees is what she gets. This is him. If he’s drinking every Friday and Saturday night, look forward to a lifetime of weekend alcoholism. He may cut out Friday, but he’ll still be a drinker.
Men tend to resist change. In fact, one of the most prized characteristics of a man’s friendship with other men is total acceptance. When a woman begins to encourage a man to live up to his potential, he misunderstands that as her overall dissatisfaction with him. What he feels is tantamount to what women feel when men don’t hear and respond to what they say they need.
Burford: How might the relationship unravel when she expresses her disappointment?
Carter:The man may initially improve according to her recommendations — remember, he has a lot invested in what she thinks of him. But over time, he becomes slower to respond. The there’s the day when she inadvertently steps on his jujube doll with a spiked heel, and it’s so painful that he snatches his self-esteem back.
That’s the day she loses significant influence. He tries to make himself not care what she thinks, which is why she begins to feel he’s emotionally distant. He stops connecting. He doesn’t look her in the eyes unless he’s angry. When the marriage is on the brink of breakup, the woman drags him into my office. That’s when I hear what almost any therapist can tell you is the most repeated phrase among men: “No matter what I do, I can never please this woman.”
While she’s been genuinely trying to improve him with the best of intentions, he’s been feeling her efforts as a shot to his self-esteem. After all the work she has put into him — he finally eats with his mouth closed, he doesn’t say ignorant things — he may run off with another woman.
That’s often because he’s looking for someone who will think the world of him — someone who will see him as he thinks his wife once did. What he doesn’t know is that he’s bound to repeat the cycle because he hasn’t done the work of understanding himself, the woman in his life, and the differences in how they communicate. He thinks his new woman is looking enraptured because he’s the greatest, but what she’s actually thinking is, “Wow — what potential.”
Oprah.com: How men really feel about their bodies
Burford: Once a man has snatched away his “jujube doll,” can a woman ever get it back?
Carter: Yes. She can sit down with him and say something like ‘It wasn’t my intention to hurt you, but I have. I really do think you’re a wonderful man.’ He may never admit that there are heel marks all over his doll, but if she approaches him this way, he’ll slowly open up again.
Burford: How can a woman encourage her partner to reach his full potential without hurting his self-esteem?
A: By stroking the jujube doll before bringing the hammer down. Let’s say a man leaves his McDonald’s wrappers all over the car. The woman is angry that he’s inconsiderate of her desire to drive without bits of cheese, pickles, and dried ketchup stuck to the steering wheel. What should she say?
“I see how organized you are by the way you keep your desk, which is why I’m a bit surprised about the wreck our car is.” Because she has first acknowledged the big picture — “I know you’re a neat guy” — the criticism doesn’t sting. And if she keeps the whole thing light, she’ll get a laugh out of him before he heads out to clean the car.
I’m not suggesting that women spend their lives enabling and patronizing. This is not about telling a man he has the brightest gold chain or the biggest penis. Emphasizing a man’s positive qualities is acknowledging the complete picture of who he is and what he has already done right.
Burford: After nearly three decades of counseling men, do you think most really want to please women?
Carter: Oh, yes! And I believe that a man will feel even more motivated to please a woman he loves if he knows that, in general, she already thinks the world of him. Once a woman tells a man how responsible and caring he is, he’ll usually do all he can to live up to that image. Just to make her proud, he’ll rise up and move mountains.
Oprah.com: An instructional guide to dealing with men
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Does a Breakup Hurt Men as Much as Women?
Summer is winding down, and with the end of the season comes an end to (some) summer romances. This heartbreak isn’t just a cliche from the movies either-according to Yahoo search data, a lot of people are asking about it. One of the most asked questions: Does he feel the same way you do when you call it quits? We have good news for you: Men feel the same heartbreak as women; they just process and express it differently, according to Rachel DeAlto, relationship expert, matchmaker, and author of Flirt Fearlessly.
The biggest difference? Men tend to bounce back faster, while women analyze and remain emotional longer. DeAlto compares this to ripping off a band-aid versus slowly peeling it off.
But guys don’t necessarily have the advantage. “A quick bounce back often comes from compartmentalization,” says DeAlto. “Men tend to know they were hurt, but ignore those feelings and fill the space with someone (or something) else. It’s not always the healthiest option because they never truly process the loss.”
So, what’s the best way to get over a breakup? First, stop judging yourself-let go of negative internal dialogue. “Listen to that voice in your head, and when you hear her, reframe all negative thoughts by asking, ‘How is this thought serving me?’ or ‘Why am I being so cruel to myself?’ suggests DeAlto. Just because you two didn’t work out doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you.
Lean on the people who will let you vent and won’t tell you to “get over it” too. The key should be to gain perspective. DeAlto suggests reflecting on the relationship from an outsider’s perspective-pretend this is your friend’s relationship, not yours-to help dull the ache and pick up on red flags you may have missed. We love DeAlto’s final advice: “Get out there. Don’t get under someone else, but do go out, flirt, and feel alive and desirable.”
How do you deal with a breakup? Tell us below in the comments or tweet us @Shape_Magazine.
- By Ro Kalonaros
“Why do men hurt women?”
Nana Aisha SalaudeenFollow Feb 21, 2018 · 2 min read
I ask my lover from the other side of the room without looking in his direction. He does not take his eyes away from his laptop but his fingers freeze, I know this because the clickety clack of his keypad takes a break. “Because men are predatory in nature” came his spineless voice. “And predators always feel the need for a show of power.”
With his reply I gaze in his direction; his large brown eyes eventually meet mine. “Half the time men act on their destructive instinct instead of being rational.” I sigh deeply because I cannot think of the perfect reply to his words. He stretches out his hands and gestures for me to come towards him.
I get off the bed and it instantly makes a shrieking noise. The spring under the mattress was weak so an irritable racket accompanied every major movement. I sink into my lover’s open arms, my body gently resting on his. “Make sure you hurt any man that hurts you” he says this without shuddering. I know he means it because his face is bereft of emotions.
I tell him about the first time my body fought, about how my best friend at the time forced his way inside me, fighting my nineteen year old innocence.
I know he is hanging on my words because he sucks in one side of his lips as I speak. “What did you do with him?” he asks when I am done with my story. “I got rid of his body” I say waiting for him to cringe or gasp in astonishment. He breaks into a smile instead and cues his right thumb up as if to tell me I did a good job.
Does Leadership Authenticity Help Men and Hurt Women?
Delegates attending the Women Political Leaders summit in Reykjavik, Iceland (AP Photo/David Keyton)
To be or not to be… authentic!
Notions about authenticity, a topic that I have coached and taught for decades, is changing, especially in politics.
“It’s a little hard to say what an ‘authentic’ politician is,” said Richard Skinner, Ph.D. and a frequent commentator on authenticity in politics. “Most of the time people just use it as a rationalization for liking or disliking a candidate.”
For example, Republicans regard Donald Trump as authentic because he speaks his mind. Democrats considered Barack Obama authentic because he was always measured, always in control. There is a grain of truth in each statement, but each plays to an image that reduces individuals to stereotypes rather than persons.
Furthermore, authenticity also characterizes women in leadership differently, often negatively. “There’s a long history of female politicians being portrayed as calculated and stiff because the script that we have for politicians is a male script,” Skinner told Politico. “Oftentimes woman candidates feel that they have to live up to expectations that were framed for men.”
Our perception of how women must behave as leaders is framed by our image of leaders. I recall hearing Pete Dawkins, a Heisman Trophy winner at Army, Vietnam combat veteran and a retired lieutenant general, say that an archetypal image of a leader is the 19th-century British cavalry officer, complete with a horse. Dawkins himself was not endorsing that notion merely noting it.
Indeed. A woman who uses a loud voice on the stump is viewed as strident. A man who does the same is considered bold. A woman who speaks critically of an opponent is regarded as the “b-word.” A man, by contrast, is viewed as aggressive, but positive. And when it comes to appearance, women are judged against fashion icons while men can just wear the same suit. And when it comes to hair, a woman must be quaffed whereas a man need not have hair at all.
If, however, we shift from the external to the internal, we arrive at different notions of women leaders. According to a 2018 Pew Research study on leadership, majorities did not perceive differences between women and men in charge.
“But among those who do see a difference, women tend to be viewed as stronger than men on most qualities. Two examples that apply to both politics and business are being honest and ethical and standing up for what they believe in. Roughly three-in-ten adults say female leaders do a better job than men at being honest and ethical (31% in politics and 30% in business), while relatively few say men do a better job than women (4% in politics, 3% in business). Similarly, about three-in-ten adults say women are better at standing up for what they believe in (30% for politics, 32% for business), while roughly one-in-ten say men are better (11% for politics, 10% for business).”
New generations of women in the workplace, too, are changing expectations. Today’s Millennial and Gen Z women are the daughters and granddaughters of women who took lead roles in their respective workplaces, either in business, government or the social sector. Additionally, young women and men see women in positions of power that previous generations did not understand. It is less about women versus men and more about changing our perceptions.
That too alters what it means to be authentic. Each of us has strengths as well as shortcomings. For example, men can become equally adept at nurturing others as women. Women, by contrast, can learn to project authority more comfortably. Both men and women, too, can learn to act their expected roles. By acting, I don’t mean dissembling, I mean assuming the role that the team demands. For example, introverts must assert themselves to lead. Extroverts need to do the opposite.
More importantly, when it comes to behavior, men are not the only ones who can be boastful and haughty; similarly, it is not just women who are self-effacing and humble. Just as men can be jerks, and women virtuous, the opposite is equally valid. The challenge of authenticity as a leader is to be the self that others need you to be. In short, the leadership self is selfless, in other words, it’s not about you, it’s about us!
Is that being authentic? No, but it’s putting the needs of others ahead of yours. And that’s the first step to claiming your leadership self, one who brings people together instead of driving them away.
Put your personality to one side to be the leader your team needs you to be.
Do your romantic relationships bring out your insecurities and cause you to mistrust your own judgment? Do you always fall in love with men who hurt you? Many women become involved or even obsessed with the wrong men – men who are emotionally unavailable, with other women, addicted to substances – or who cannot love them back.
Do You Always Fall in Love With Men Who Hurt You?
This problem has been given many labels including codependency which can be defined as having underdeveloped self-esteem and dysfunctional boundaries, combined with inappropriate caring for others (letting others invade your boundaries). In the mid-1980s, Robin Norwood’s best-selling book “Women Who Love Too Much” offered women a guide to freeing themselves from destructive loving.
Many women consistently put other’s needs before their own and end up in one-sided relationships. The consequence for girls can be profound, with girls and women dismissing their own needs and ending up with a depleted sense of self, according to author Jill P. Weber. She posits that many girls learn to tune out their own inner voice due to their family experiences, and this prepares them for one-sided relationships in adulthood. Weber writes, “As a woman develops a strong core sense of self, fulfilling relationships will follow.”
Elizabeth, a beautiful and outgoing thirty-two-year-old, provided Kyle with unconditional love and did her best to make up for his dysfunctional upbringing by trying to meet his every need. After they moved in together, she cooked Kyle lavish meals and did all of the laundry in addition to working full-time and taking care of her five-year-old daughter.
Elizabeth reflects: “It took a breakup for me to realize that I was not responsible for Kyle’s happiness and can only truly make myself happy. He never treated me right and was unwilling to plan a future with me.” Elizabeth came to understand that she didn’t have any energy left for herself when she was so focused on Kyle’s well-being. Since their split, she has been able to return to college and finish her degree in nursing.
Ask yourself this question: Is there something about the way my guy treats me that makes me a bigger and better person? If the answer is no, ask yourself: Am I settling for less than I deserve in the relationship? Research shows that one of the main reasons why people stay in bad relationships is the fear of being single. If this is the case, gently remind yourself that you are a worthwhile person regardless of whether or not you are in a romantic relationship.
Women who are attracted to men who hurt them often confuse chemistry and compatibility.
In fact, they are both essential to a long-lasting healthy intimate relationship.
- Chemistry: This usually refers to physical attraction but can include intellectual attraction as well. It is about how interesting and simulating you find the person. Do you enjoy each other’s touch and is their sexual chemistry? It’s essential because, without it, you are little more than friends.
- Compatibility: This is about sharing common values and goals, having fun together, and liking each other; it helps to sustain a couple through tough times.
Do you find yourself attracted to guys who you have good chemistry with, but not compatibility? Perhaps you grew up in a family where you were a caretaker or focused more on making others happy. Maybe you even felt that you had to be in a good mood regardless of your true feelings.
6 signs you are at risk of falling in love with men who hurt you.
- You become so absorbed in your partner’s problems you don’t often have time to identify or solve, your own.
- You care so deeply about your partner that you’ve lost track of your own needs.
- You feel that you grew up too fast in terms of your maturity or sexual activity.
- Growing up, were you often in a caretaker role with one or both parents or your siblings.
- Are you a people pleaser? If you have this tendency, you may find setting limits hard and you might have trouble asking for what you need from your partner. This is a pattern that starts in childhood but can be reversed.
- Do you feel that you have to be in a good mood or positive when you are with your friends, family, or intimate partner?
Many women are in one-sided relationships because they consistently put their partner’s needs before their own. Girls are often raised to focus on others and defer their own needs. Too often they are left with a depleted sense of self and they look to their partner for validation. Keep in mind that emotional intimacy is not emotional dependency. If your relationship causes you to be anxious or to question your sense of self, it may not be the best relationship for you.
Here are 6 ways to avoid hurtful, one-sided relationships:
- Seek a partner you can be yourself with and is easy to be close to. In other words, you don’t have to walk on eggshells. You feel safe in the relationship and free to express your thoughts, feelings, and desires openly without fear of rejection.
- Set an expectation of mutual respect. You can accept, admire, and respect each other for who you are. If you don’t have respect for your partner, it will eat away at chemistry until you have nothing left.
- Select a partner who is trustworthy. Does he call when he says he is going to call? Does he take you out when he says he is going to do so? When a man is interested in a woman, they keep their agreements.
- Make sure your guy carves out time for you on a regular basis and includes you in his inner circle. He makes you a priority because he values your relationship. This includes regular text messages or phone calls to show that he’s thinking of you.
- Don’t have sex with a partner who makes you feel insecure. A partner who truly cares about you is a boost to your self-esteem. He values you, gives you compliments, and encourages you to do things that are in your best interest.
- Select a partner who talks about your future together. If he says he’s not ready for a commitment, take him seriously – he’s just not that into you. Don’t waste your time on a relationship that doesn’t have a future.
In order to stray away from falling in love with me who hurt you, you have to focus on self-love. Unless we have self-acceptance and self-love, we cannot believe we are worth loving just as we are. We might try to prove our worth through giving too much to others and being overly tolerant and patient. Author Jill P. Weber writes: “The more you view others’ mistreatment of you as something you have the ability to fix, tweak, or amend, the harder it is to develop a positive sense of yourself. Seeing yourself exclusively from the eyes of others disconnects you from the day-to-day, moment-to-moment experience of your life.”
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The end of a relationship is never fair on anyone. Men hurt, women hurt when the familiar feeling of happiness is suddenly snatched from them due to a breakup. Even when the breakup is expected, the grieving process often still plays out.
A British study, reported here, has claimed that men suffer more long-lasting pain from breakups than women. The question that naturally follows this is: why is this so? How and why are men hurting more when it is they who usually seem to move on from breakups faster and more painlessly?
According to an article published on The Independent Ireland in 2017, it is not so controversial to say that men struggle more after a breakup than women do because “emotionally, often react badly to major life upheavals. Moreover, methods for dealing with changed circumstances are not always helpful.”
Women handle breakups differently from how men do it Shuttershock
A 2015 survey by Men’s Health magazine backs up this statement. Conductors of the survey found out that going to the pub was named the best way to “get over” a split according to while one third of those polled said the jilted party would be better off if he acts unbothered by the whole thing.
Right there, is one of the reasons why men suffer – the unwillingness to face what happened and come to terms with the reality of it.
Unlike women, males grew up with the ‘men don’t cry’ attitude.
“Males grew up with the ‘men don’t cry’ attitude and while men may deal with things differently, it doesn’t mean they don’t feel the same pain and the same hurt as women,” says Elaine Hanlon, a counsellor and psychotherapist based in Dublin. “So for generations, men have learnt to suppress this pain and hurt and ‘be a man’ which doesn’t allow much space for vulnerability.”
ALSO READ: Ladies! This is what happens when you date a ‘hard guy’
On the other hand, women are typically more comfortable finding a shoulder to cry on and letting it all out.
“Women are often less dependent on their significant other for emotional support – they typically have a wider circle of friends and will confide to family in a way most men wouldn’t countenance.” Hanlon says.
That kinda explains why they come to grips with reality and find the real strength to genuinely close a chapter a move on to the next quicker.
Women break up with men more than it happens the other way round. Another explanation for why men are hurt by breakups more
Another reason why women don’t suffer as much as men after a breakup is because they do the breaking up more times than men.
“Studies show that more women than men are the initiators of marriage break up today,” Hanlon adds.
What this means is that, women have more time to start processing the pain ahead. They begin to prepare early for the outcomes of splitting up from a partner. By the time they are done with that phase, the man may just be beginning his.
For men, therefore, it is important to begin to deal with breakups in more expressive, healthier ways as opposed to the ‘suck-it-all-up’ technique that is being used from way back. To deal with a breakup in very healthy ways, check out this very helpful Pulse article here.
It Hurts Me, Too: What Breaking Up Is Like From A Guy’s Perspective
There’s always that lengthy duration of sadness, regret and fear when a relationship ends. You look back at the time spent and wonder what you could have done differently.
Was there anything more you could do? Was she the one? Was your inability to adapt the driving wedge?
You take an extra hard look at what transpired over the course of the relationship and ultimately, you’re just left with more questions than answers.
At the end of the day, I’m sad because I just lost someone I obviously cared deeply about, but more so, I’m overwhelmingly thankful.
I know that thankfulness seems like an odd feeling to have after a relationship ends — especially depending on how badly things ended. But for me, at least this time around, I’m thankful.
Why, you might ask? This girl, amongst all the many women in my life, fundamentally changed who I am and how I act. Truthfully I waited my whole life to meet her.
I waited this long to absolutely head-over-heels fall in love with someone, and I’m glad I experienced it. I’m even more glad about who I experienced it with. It’s a special thing — love. It really is.
It’s not something that you can force and it’s not something you can plan but sometimes, you just end up stumbling into something great, even if it doesn’t work out.
I’m going to take a moment and look back at the awesome times we had: the first kiss, the first dinner, date, everything. I’m going to look back at all the memories with such fondness that even if I’m not in the greatest of places today, tomorrow I’ll be glad I shared them.
You don’t plan on breaking up with someone when you get together. You don’t plan on things not working out and perhaps, that’s why it’s so hard to let people go. All you do is see the good times and the great moments you shared.
That’s why breaking up is hard to do. But, as relationships wear on, you realize more and more clearly whether this is a person you can spend the rest of your life with or not.
And for me, I’m not entirely sure I got the opportunity to answer that question, but the separation will inevitably be what makes me realize that for better or for worse, what we had was special.
I don’t pretend to have the answers. In actuality, I probably have none of them. I only own my life experiences: the ups, downs and the feelings associated with them.
For the time being, I’ll appreciate that I’m sad. I’ll accept that I’m upset because you know what? All that really means is that what we shared was real — that what we had meant something.
I’d rather feel like sh*t any day of the week knowing the time I spent with someone wasn’t for nothing. As funny as it sounds, I’m thankful for this broken heart; I’m thankful for this sh*tty feeling because I know, deep down, she changed me and I’m better off for it.
For a while there, I thought it would be unlikely that I ever fall in love. For a while, I honestly felt I would be a single bachelor my whole life, and I didn’t necessarily mind it.
I was worried that I lacked the fundamental capabilities to love someone. And now, I know that’s not the case. Now I know I can fight for love and I can appreciate love and I can care for someone more deeply than I ever imagined possible.
I know I would be willing to put someone else first, that I’d — for once in my life — stop being the selfish prick I am and truly, genuinely love someone with all my heart. That’s a powerful gift I was given, and something I will never take for granted again.
Unfortunately, not everything in life works out. And unfortunately, not everyone is meant to be with you forever. That’s okay.
Things happen for a reason in life; you have to just smile and be thankful for the days you’ve lived and the days to come.
I don’t believe in mistakes. I don’t believe in regrets, and for me, I’m happy as hell that I met this person. I’m incredibly blessed to have shared the time I have with her because I’m a better person for having met her.
So, I took my bruises but now I can smile and look back fondly on the time we spent together. I can live without a regret and know the pain I’m feeling now is because of the love we shared.
Breakups suck and losing people is difficult. Take your time to feel badly and take your time to feel sorry, but don’t find yourself lost in a funk.
Grieve, but know when it’s time to stand up again. Life is too short to be anything but happy every day. Life is about falling down and willing yourself to get back up. The fight off the ground is what makes life special.
It’s not about the number of times we get knocked down, but the number of times we get back up. Life is an incredibly precarious, gentle, fragile thing and you should never take it for granted.
Be thankful for the time you have with someone in your life because there are no guarantees about what tomorrow holds.