- The 20 Questions You Should Never Ask On a First Date
- 1 “You Seem Great, So Why Are You Still Single?”
- 2 “What Dating Apps Are You On?”
- 3 “You’re Not Crazy, Are You?”
- 4 “Where Do You See This Relationship Going?”
- 5 “How Much Did That Cost?”
- 6 “Are You Seeing Anyone Else?”
- 7 “Do You Like My Outfit?”
- 8 “Do You Want to Have Kids?”
- 9 “What Are Your Deal Breakers?”
- 10 “How’s Your Relationship With Your Parents?”
- 11 “What Are You?”
- 12 “What Do You Want to Do Tonight?”
- 13 “Do You Drink A Lot? Because I Do.”
- 14 “Why Did Your Last Relationship End?”
- 15 “What Are You Looking for In a Relationship?”
- 16 “How Many People Have You Slept With?”
- 17 “Do You Own Your House?”
- 18 “What’s Your Favorite Sex Position?”
- 19 “Do You Always Eat/Drink This Much?”
- 20 “Tell Me About Yourself”
- 20 “Where Is This Relationship Going?”
- 19 “Been Seeing Anyone Else?”
- 18 “How Much Did That Cost?”
- 17 “Like My Outfit?”
- 16 Definitely Don’t Ask If He Wants To Have Kids
- 15 Don’t Ask Him About His Relationship With His Mother
- 14 Don’t Ask About His Heritage, Or “What He Is”
- 13 Don’t Ask About Why His Last Relationship Ended
- 12 Definitely Don’t Ask How Much Money He Makes
- 11 Avoid Asking About His Thoughts On Marriage… For Now
- 10 It’s Nosy: Don’t Ask Whether He Has Health Issues
- 9 So Rude: Don’t Ask Why He’s Still Single
- 8 TMI: Don’t Ask Him What His “Number” Is
- 7 Don’t Ask If He’s Afraid Of Commitment… It Implies Too Much
- 6 “Do You Think The Parents Will Like Me?”
- 5 Don’t Ask If He’s On A Diet… It Sounds Shallow
- 4 We Googled: Don’t Ask Him If Google Is Accurate
- 3 Don’t Ask If He’s Spiritual
- 2 Don’t Act Like A Freshman College Girl
- 1 “Public Or Private School?”
- 5 Questions You Should Never Ask on a First Date
- 13 Horribly Awkward First-date Questions
- The 5 worst questions you can ask on a first date
- What not to ask a first date
- 10 Questions You Should Never Ask On A First Date
- 1. What is your salary?
- 2. Where are you really from?
- 3. How many people have you slept with?
- 4. Who is going to pay for the check?
- 5. Would you ever marry me?
- 6. If we had kids, they would be so cute, don’t you think?
- 7. Can I post a picture of us on Instagram?
- 8. Do you love me?
- 9. On a scale of 1-10, what would you rate me?
- 10. So what now?
- 13 Great First Date Questions Backed by Science
- Our Best First Date Conversation Starters:
- The worst first date questions
- #1 – Never ask about the ex-boyfriend or husband
- #2 – Inappropriate salary questions
- #3 – Any questions about the wedding and the serious relationship between you
- #4 – Terrible questions about physical deviations or worse about the shape of the body
- #5 – Never use “I searched information about you in Google
- 1. What was the longest time you have ever waited to pick up some food that you’ve dropped on the floor?
- 2. What’s your record time for eating all of the popcorn at the movie theatre?
- 3. Do you believe in ghosts?
- 4. Do you think that cats are secretly out to get us?
- 5. How do you put on your toilet roll?
- 6. How much do you like fried chicken?
- 7. How many times have you tried communicating with your dog?
- 8. How different am I to my profile?
- 9. Why are you still single?
- 10. What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve Googled?
- 11. If you didn’t know my name, what would you call me?
- 12. Could you survive without your phone?
- 13. How long will you suffer for until you finally get up to get that remote?
- 14. What’s the longest you’ve ever slept for?
- 15. The smell of which alcohol reminds you of that night you almost died?
- Have you given any of these funny first date questions a try? Let us know in the comments below!
The 20 Questions You Should Never Ask On a First Date
There are usually two kinds of first date: The ones that flow magically—where the time passes so effortlessly that the restaurant has to remind you that they’re closing—and the ones that are… well, less smooth. Obviously, the first type of initial meeting is ideal, but a less graceful first encounter doesn’t necessarily mean all hope is lost. In fact, along as everything goes fairly well, there’s potential for a second date, which could potentially turn into a more serious connection.
But there’s one way to make sure that never happens: Asking the wrong questions on date number one. Avoid these twenty queries at all costs and you’ll be well on your way to scoring a repeat meet-up. And for advice on what you should actually be saying, refer to The 10 Sexiest Things to Say to Her On a First Date.
1 “You Seem Great, So Why Are You Still Single?”
There are so many things wrong with this question. “For starters, it presupposes that there is something wrong with being single,” says Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Bregman, an author and matchmaker. “Beyond that, it’s quite possible that a person hasn’t met their soulmate yet, and that’s why they’re not in a relationship. If you’re on a date and realize that you’re sitting across from someone who seems amazing and is still single, don’t ask them why. Simply be happy about it!” Plus, being this skeptical about your potential mates is actually one of the 15 signs you should definitely be single.
2 “What Dating Apps Are You On?”
“What purpose does this ever really serve?” asks Jessica Elizabeth Opert, a dating and love coach. Generally, it just becomes a bashing session of all the various apps and sites that are out there. “It doesn’t really add anything to the experience of your first date,” she points out. Also filed under this category? “How are you liking (insert name of dating service here)?” It brings nothing helpful to the conversation. And if you’re making The 12 Biggest Dating Profile Blunders Men Make, you definitely shouldn’t call attention to it.
3 “You’re Not Crazy, Are You?”
Followed by something like, “I’ve been meeting a lot of crazy people lately.” Yikes. “Though this might sound cute, it can come off as strange to your date,” says Candice A, a certified matchmaker and dating coach at Toronto Wingwoman. After all, they might start to wonder why you’re meeting so many crazy people in the first place. “It’s best instead to focus on questions that actually help get to know what your date is about,” she advises.
4 “Where Do You See This Relationship Going?”
“This always makes the person asking it look desperate, foolish, and in a rush, while annoying or stressing out the person to whom it is asked,” says Bregman. To be fair, it is pretty weighty question lay on someone you just met.
5 “How Much Did That Cost?”
Nope nope nope. Whether it’s their apartment, watch, or a clearly luxe handbag—it’s none of your business. “It’s just plain tacky, and also will make you appear shallow and only concerned with money,” says Bonnie Winston, celebrity matchmaker and relationship expert. “You can compliment something without wanting to qualify it with a price.” Even when you’re in a relationship, if you have separate finances you shouldn’t feel obligated to tell your partner the price of something you spend your own money on—in fact, it’s one of the 13 secrets you should always keep from your partner.
6 “Are You Seeing Anyone Else?”
This question implies a more intimate question: Are you having sex with anyone else? And the first date is simply too soon to be asking about this. “Anytime you bring up sex early in a relationship it can be seen as intrusive or as if that’s the person’s only interest,” notes Dr. Venessa Marie Perry, founder and chief relationship strategist at The Love Write. “The topic of sex isn’t something that should be taken lightly or brought up too soon.”
7 “Do You Like My Outfit?”
Or any other question related to your appearance. “These are loaded questions and you may not be happy with the answers,” says Rosalind Sedacca, a dating and relationship coach. Another area to avoid? “You definitely don’t want to put someone on the spot by asking if they have dated other people of your race or religion on a first date,” she says.
8 “Do You Want to Have Kids?”
“First dates should be all about getting to know someone on a lighter note,” says Lisa Ronis, a matchmaker. “These questions should be raised down the road. I have clients who are caught between a rock and a hard place because they don’t want to waste time, but I advise them to wait until they know the person awhile before asking. And so many times, the topic comes up organically.”
9 “What Are Your Deal Breakers?”
It might seem like asking this up front could save you some time, but it can backfire. “This question comes off as though you’re trying to find out what the other person likes so you can either pretend to be that or decide immediately if they are worth your time,” says Celeste Headlee, a radio host, journalist, and author of We Need To Talk: How to Have Conversations that Matter. Chances are, if someone really does have true deal breakers, they’ll tell you about them in their own way.
10 “How’s Your Relationship With Your Parents?”
“The subject of parents can strike a chord with people and make them uncomfortable,” says Perry. “This is particularly true if they aren’t on good terms or don’t have parents. In addition, people automatically assume if you don’t have a good relationship with your parents, then you have mommy or daddy issues, which may not be the case.” On the flip side of this, though, is how to tell your partner’s relationship with their mother is actually a problem: These are the 6 Signs His Relationship with His Mother Is a Total Deal Breaker.
11 “What Are You?”
If you’re using this language to ask a person about their race or ethnicity, maybe don’t. “Newsflash: We are all humans,” says Michelle G, a certified matchmaker and dating coach. If someone wants you to know about their race or religion, they’ll tell you.
12 “What Do You Want to Do Tonight?”
“Trust me, a date appreciates it when you’ve made plans,” says Headlee. “If you ask where they want to eat, it often sounds like you’ve put no thought or preparation into that all-important first date.” If you’re not going to set a destination before meeting up, at least come armed with some options and ask what they’d prefer.
13 “Do You Drink A Lot? Because I Do.”
This is maybe seen as an endearingly awkward comment, but it can come off badly. “You probably don’t drink as much as you think, and discussing topics like this even as a joke can come across wrong if someone doesn’t know you yet,” Candice A explains. “They don’t know you, so they don’t know the jokes from the truth.” Save these types of comments for when you’ve spent a little more time together.
14 “Why Did Your Last Relationship End?”
No matter how curious you are, “do not ask about previous relationships, especially not about the dynamics of their divorce or recent breakup,” advises Sedacca. “It’s really none of your business at this stage in the relationship to know the gory details of their breakup or how many people they’ve had sex with since their divorce.”
15 “What Are You Looking for In a Relationship?”
This is yet another topic to be saved for later on down the road. “There’s no need to put that kind of pressure on the other person,” Headlee says. “Let them enjoy the first date without worrying about next steps. If they want a second date, you will know, believe me. If they don’t, it’s best to make it as easy as possible for them to walk away kindly and happily. Also, when you ask this question, it can sound like you’re hoping to find out what they want so you can play that role. It’s best to let it happen authentically.”
16 “How Many People Have You Slept With?”
This question is never really appropriate, but especially not on a first date. “This is none of your business,” Bregman points out. “It is private, personal information. Why should it be revealed to YOU, a complete stranger, who they may never see again?!”
17 “Do You Own Your House?”
While you might think you’re subtly gauging their financial situation, you’re actually just being rude. “A lot of people keep their cards close to the vest at the beginning—as they should,” Ronis says. Trying to figure out how much your date has in their bank account is never a good idea.
18 “What’s Your Favorite Sex Position?”
“If you’re looking to not have the second date, this is a great way to kill any possibility,” Michelle G says. “Maybe you thought this would be funny or a great way to break the ice—wrong.” It’s pretty much impossible to ask this in a way that doesn’t make you look like a jerk.
19 “Do You Always Eat/Drink This Much?”
This one should be self explanatory, but Bregman says he has heard of people asking this on first dates before. The reasons they give? Everything from wanting to gauge how much things would cost if they ended up together to liking thinner partners in general. No matter the reason, “any person who asks this is a loser and it’s a red-flag which screams they should be avoided at all costs. They obviously have no tact,” he says.
20 “Tell Me About Yourself”
Okay, so it’s not technically a question, but the question is implied. “This is an overwhelming statement that typically causes an awkward pause,” says Michelle G. “The best approach is to ask what you want to know.” Opening up first is also a good way to move toward topics you’re interested in discussing—making this kind of “power play” is one of the 7 Expert Dating Tips from Silicon Valley’s Top Millionaire Matchmaker.
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There’s no denying it — first dates are always kind of awkward. Even if we’re really excited to get to know the other person, it’s a bit of a tough situation to jump into, and many people absolutely hate them. However, they’re kind of a necessary evil — most people have to go through the dating process to meet their perfect match, and we have to have a first date at some point.
On that important first date, you’re trying to figure out whether the person is enough of a match that you’d want to go on a second date with them — but you also don’t want to judge them too quickly. It’s a tricky balancing act, and it’s one that makes a lot of people really nervous. Plus, everyone who has been in the dating scene for a while has a few horror stories about first dates gone horribly wrong.
It’s normal to have a few questions to ask your date on that fateful first date to try to get to know them better, but there are some things that you just don’t want to ask that early on — especially if you’re interested in getting a second date.
No matter how much you like the person and think they’re a perfect match, here are 20 things you absolutely never want to ask on a first date.
20 “Where Is This Relationship Going?”
Okay, if you don’t quite see why asking this questions is a bad idea, let us spell it out for you — it’s a little bit desperate, and it gives the other person the impression that you’re in a huge rush. This is the type of question that’s appropriate to ask when you’ve been dating someone for a few months and want to know where your relationship will progress in the months to come — definitely not something you would throw out there on a first date. I mean, you don’t want to stress the other person out to the point where they’ll end up bailing halfway through the date!
19 “Been Seeing Anyone Else?”
This is a bit of a tricky one, because you definitely have a right to know if your relationship is exclusive or not, but this is more of a second or third date question, not the very first one. And, it’s partly because of the implication — for many, the question of whether you’re seeing someone else kind of implies whether you’re taking things to a physical level with anyone else, which is just not a great thing to bring up on the very first date. If you’re truly worried that you’ve got a playboy on your hands, make it a priority to ask it on the second or third date — but lay low on date number one.
18 “How Much Did That Cost?”
Money is a tough subject at any stage of a relationship, but bringing it up on a first date is a definite no-no. Whether you’re inquiring about the apartment they rent in a super ritzy neighborhood or the incredible shoes they have on, you should never try to get your date to put a price tag on something. Sure, you can absolutely admire an accessory they have, or express that their apartment must be gorgeous if it’s in a stunning historical neighborhood, but you don’t need to add the price into the discussion whatsoever. It just makes things super awkward and makes you seem shallow.
17 “Like My Outfit?”
Ladies, think about this one for a second — even guys who have been dating their partners for months, or even years, have trouble answering this question. So, why on earth would you bring it up on a first date? We get it, you may be a bit nervous and not feeling like your most confident self, but asking whether or not your date likes your outfit just puts him in an awkward position. He won’t really be sure how to answer, and either will just give you a generic positive answer or will be brutally honest — neither of which will do you any good.
16 Definitely Don’t Ask If He Wants To Have Kids
The kid discussion is absolutely a crucial discussion for any couple to have. After all, it’s one of the few issues in a relationship that you really can’t compromise on. If one partner absolutely wants to have children someday and the other doesn’t see any kind of future with kids in it, that’s something that likely can’t be resolved. However, you do still have a bit of time before you pop that particular question — a first date is definitely not the right place to do it. Sure, you don’t want to waste your time dating someone whose vision of the future looks totally different than yours, but you don’t want to come out of the gate quite that strong.
15 Don’t Ask Him About His Relationship With His Mother
Parents are a bit of a tricky subject. If your date brings up his parents early in the evening and you sense that it’s not a big issue to talk about, you might feel more comfortable broaching this subject, but in general, you should just steer clear. Many people have complicated relationships with their parents, and there are many who have different situations and perhaps may not even have parents that they ever had relationships with — and you don’t want to open up those wounds on a first date. It’s something you might want to find out further down the line, but avoid the topic on date number one.
14 Don’t Ask About His Heritage, Or “What He Is”
I mean, this question is inappropriate on so many levels that we can’t imagine why someone would think it was a good idea to ask at any point, let alone on a first date — but it happens more often than you might think. Sure, sometimes it’s just about poor phrasing, and what the person actually intends to ask is about their date’s background or heritage, but still — it’s just not a topic you should really approach. If your date is super proud of their heritage, it’ll likely come up naturally — just because they may have a certain appearance doesn’t mean they have strong opinions on that or thoughts to share.
13 Don’t Ask About Why His Last Relationship Ended
A first date is a delicate situation where you’re trying to gauge whether or not you can envision going on another few dates with the person across the table from you. The last thing you want to do is bring messy old relationships into the mix, which is why you never want to approach that topic on the first date, especially not to ask how a particular relationship ended. It’s one of those things where the other person will fill you in if they’re comfortable. If they’re divorced, they may tell you about it. If they had a super long term relationship break up, they may tell you about it. But you should never ask on the first date.
12 Definitely Don’t Ask How Much Money He Makes
Let’s get real — even though everyone is curious about money, this is a question that you seriously cannot ask unless you want to give the impression that you are a major gold digger. I mean, it’s incredibly rude, and it just makes you seem super shallow. Either your date makes a lower salary and doesn’t really want to go into the specifics on a first date, or he makes some major dough and will immediately categorize you as one of the people who just wants something from him because he’s wealthy. Neither situation is positive, so just avoid the topic altogether unless he brings it up.
11 Avoid Asking About His Thoughts On Marriage… For Now
We get it — this is another one of those questions that you definitely want to ask at some point, because you don’t want to get too far into the relationship before realizing you have entirely different futures in mind. If you love the idea of walking down the aisle and pledging your commitment to your partner in front of all your friends and family, you don’t want a serious relationship with someone who refuses to tie the knot, ever. However, asking this on a first date is way, way too soon. It’ll just freak your date out and pretty much guarantee you don’t get a second date.
10 It’s Nosy: Don’t Ask Whether He Has Health Issues
via: Comedy Central UK
Health is one of the topics that is just tough to discuss, because many people have such long, complicated stories. We get it, you want to learn all about the person you’re on a date with, but you don’t want to make it seem like you’re screening them for a clean bill of health rather than genuinely trying to get to know them. It’s something that will likely come up when you’ve been dating for a while, particularly if they have some type of condition or history of illness, but it’s a topic you should definitely avoid on the very first date.
9 So Rude: Don’t Ask Why He’s Still Single
This question is awful because there really isn’t a good answer to it. If you’re honest, you’ve just turned your date into a therapy session. If you try to dodge the question, the whole mood just gets super awkward. And, the question probably makes the other person feel terrible about themselves like there’s something wrong with them for being single — when you’re single too! You don’t want to introduce that kind of a negative vibe into your date, so just don’t ask this question. I mean, how would you feel if your date asked you the same question? Probably not the greatest.
8 TMI: Don’t Ask Him What His “Number” Is
A lot of people nowadays are more open about the private, intimate parts of their life, and that’s great — openness and honesty about previously taboo topics is always a good thing. However, there’s a difference between being honest and open about a subject once you’re in a relationship and coming out with this question on a very first date. While some people may feel comfortable divulging, others will feel that it’s a super inappropriate thing to ask on a first date, and will feel really uncomfortable being asked such a personal question. So, just avoid it altogether — it’s something you can bring up after a few dates if the answer is really important to you.
7 Don’t Ask If He’s Afraid Of Commitment… It Implies Too Much
Many people who ask this question feel that it’s harmless — after all, you want to make sure you don’t have a serial playboy on your hands, right? However, the problem with this question is what’s unsaid — it pretty much implies that you want them to commit to you and are asking if they’re afraid to do so. It’s similar to discussing marriage on the first date — you just don’t want to jump in that quickly. Sure, if your date keeps going on and on about how he’s just looking for something casual, nothing serious, then you’ve got your answer — but there’s just no way to gracefully bring it up.
6 “Do You Think The Parents Will Like Me?”
I mean, if you ask this one, you may as well be proposing to them on the first date. For many, many people, meeting the parents is a really huge step that is only taken when a relationship gets super serious. So, to ask whether or not a guy’s parents will like you is basically like asking if he’s willing to propose marriage. You may not intend it that way, but that’s likely the vibe he’s going to get from the question — so unless your intent is to scare him off because the date is going so poorly, you’d better just avoid this one altogether.
5 Don’t Ask If He’s On A Diet… It Sounds Shallow
This is another one of those questions that is pretty much guaranteed to make the other person feel badly, and why do that on a first date? Perhaps they’re on a diet and they don’t really want to discuss their weight issues on a first date, which is totally understandable. Perhaps they’re not, and you’ve just criticized the way that they eat, which will make them feel uncomfortable. If your date truly is a health and fitness nut who only eats steamed vegetables and lean protein, he’ll probably bring that up naturally — no need to ask about it and assume it’s because of a diet.
4 We Googled: Don’t Ask Him If Google Is Accurate
Listen, it’s no secret that in today’s day and age, just about everyone Googles their potential dates before actually meeting them. After all, it’s human curiosity — when there’s a wealth of information available on the internet, why not check that? While that’s kind of understood, one thing you should never do is bring up anything you may have found in your search. You can certainly try to steer the conversation and get him to bring up something naturally if there’s something that concerned you, but in general, you don’t want to come off as a stalker on your first date who knows every little detail about his life before you’re even past appetizers.
3 Don’t Ask If He’s Spiritual
This is yet another one of those tricky subjects that is best saved for a date further down the line, even if it’s something important to you. Unless you meet your date on a dating platform targeted towards a certain audience, you likely won’t know what their religious beliefs are — or even if they have strong beliefs. Even if it’s something that’s really important to you, it’s good to wait until at least the second or third date before bringing it up. Religion is a topic that makes a lot of people uncomfortable, so while you may get a positive response and learn you’re on the same page, you may also make things super awkward if you’re not.
2 Don’t Act Like A Freshman College Girl
Look, we get it — you’re really nervous, you’re trying to lighten the mood, and you want the evening to be fun. It’s tempting to make a silly suggestion like getting a few shots, but it definitely sends the wrong message. It makes it seem like you need to be throwing them back in order to enjoy spending time with the other person — or, that you have such a severe problem you can’t make it through a date without taking a few shots of the hard stuff. Either way, it’s just a weird vibe to introduce to a first date. There’s just something about shots that has a different connotation than if you both order something a bit more casual.
1 “Public Or Private School?”
How you plan on raising your children is another one of those subjects that it’s just not a good idea to bring up on a first date. After all, there are couples who have grown up children that still have passionate arguments about how to raise them — it’s a touchy subject for many people, and you just never know what someone’s beliefs are or where they stand. There are some people who may be firm in their position, but willing to talk about it. There are others who may flat out storm out of the restaurant if you upset them. You just never know, so it’s a subject you want to leave for another date for sure.
References: bestlifeonline.com, elitedaily.com, eharmony.com, goodmenproject.com
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5 Questions You Should Never Ask on a First Date
Your eyes met across the room, or, your online dating profiles just “clicked.” Whatever the circumstances, you saw potential, he asked you out, and now you’re ready for that butterflies-in-your-tummy first date.
So what happens when you’re both sitting across the table from one another and the conversation turns personal? Most of us know to stay away from controversial topics like politics and religion, but what is fair game for two people attempting to get to know each other? If you hope to turn him from first date to soul mate, here are five questions that you should never ask.
1. Asking about “The Ex.”
This one often slips out in storytelling when dishing about holiday memories, bad dates, or old college tales. “Try to keep it in check as much as possible,” says Hilary Rushford, founder of gentlemen’s branding blog dapper & the duchess. “You don’t want to sound hung up on someone else. Even just the idea of the last person you were crazy about can be a bit of a buzz-kill.” Same goes with asking your date why his last relationship failed, or why he’s “still” single.
2. Your place or mine?
Curiosity is the quickest way to kill the connection-especially when it comes to nosing into your date’s sex life. According to Coach Steph, a renowned “love expert,” sexual advances-even in the form of a question-can be considered disrespectful and even obscene.
“A first date is an opportunity to get to know the person in front of you, and that person will feel a bit violated if the conversation fast-forwards from your favorite food to your favorite position,” she says. Rushford agrees. “It’s just uncouth. Unless your aim is to have sex that night, keep the flirting lighthearted, and save the number of partners and ‘how old were you when’ questions for when the time is right.”
3. How much money do you make?
Money talk speaks volumes, and is a surefire way to scare him away. “Men don’t dig a girl that’s a gold digger” says ‘relationshipologist’ Lindsay Kriger, “and asking about his finances implies that.”
“Talking about the current state of the nation or world economy is fine and certainly timely right now. But talking about personal financial situations is off limits until an exclusive relationship is established,” says Carol Brody Fleet, author of Widows Wear Stilettos (New Horizon Press, 2009).
4. Where do you think this relationship is going?
If you just met and you’re already talking marriage, you’re moving too fast. Even if you think he could be The One, “you still need to dangle the carrot,” says lifestyle expert Samantha Goldberg. Kriger agrees. “Men like to hunt so don’t be a dead deer.”
According to celebrity dating and relationship coach David Wygant, if you’re fantasizing about happily ever after and the pitter patter of little feet, keep it to yourself-for now. “Never ask him how many kids he wants on the first date. You might as well buy the minivan now and move to the big house in the suburbs yourself-he’ll think you’re only looking for a sperm donor,” Wygant says.
5. Is that a hairpiece?
Talk about a loaded question. The connotation alone can be insulting to your date, even if you meant it in a nice way. But Coach Steph says talks about looks are off-limits altogether.
“Telling him he’s ‘so cute’ or ‘has the greatest eyes’ is not only annoying, but it makes him uncomfortable. He will smile, and he will be polite, but he will not go out with you again,” she says.
Just like commenting on his looks is off-limits, don’t ask him to talk about yours, either. “Asking him ‘do you find me attractive, pretty, or interesting,’ or anything that screams ‘I’m insecure and I need validation’ will scare him away fast. Of course he thinks you’re great, he did ask you out on a date!” says dating expert and author Marina Sbrochi.
Final note: He’s not your therapist.
While this is not a question per se, our experts had a bit of advice beyond the initial conversation starters. You may get comfortable with him and feel like you can share anything over the course of that first date, but Rushford advises, leave your baggage at the door.
“Everyone has issues, but try not to lead with what a hot mess you are right out of the starting gate. Remember, this person doesn’t know you and you want to make sure you’re sharing much more of the best parts of you than the bumps we all inevitably have.”
Try to focus on the positives in your life, and not rant about what annoys you-your horrible day, your awful co-workers, or your evil boss. “This doesn’t make you cuter or more compelling,” Rushford says. “Instead, focus on what lights you up, brings you joy, and gets you excited.” And someday, that just might be him.
- By Jené Luciani
13 Horribly Awkward First-date Questions
The other day, I started thinking about my worst first date ever. The unpleasantness of the date had everything to do with my overeagerness, which was evident in the questions I started asking about five minutes after we ordered our food.
Even though I barely knew my date, I asked about her plans for marriage, childbearing and career. And let me tell you, it was awkward, awkward, awkward. Unfortunately, due to my inexperience with dating at the time, I didn’t even realize I was making her uncomfortable.
Based on that first date, I decided to make a list of some of the most awkward first-date questions you can ask. The day after I started drafting my list, my friend Liz posed this question on Facebook: “What’s your favorite first date question?”
It inspired one of my favorite Facebook comment strings ever. And after conferring with the Boundless team, we added a few more to the list. Here’s the complete list of awkward and inappropriate first-date questions you can use if you only want to go on first dates for the rest of your life:
1. “Are you thinking about marriage in the background a little bit — even though this is just sort of our first date?”
2. “Would you like to be my accountability partner?”
3. “You gonna eat those fries?”
4. “Is that your natural color?”
5. “What about me attracts you to me?”
6. “Oh, so you own your condo? How much did you pay for it?”
7. “Why are you single?”
8. “What was your name again?”
9. “Thanks for getting dinner with me tonight. Do you mind watching my cat for me this weekend?”
10. “Have you ever struggled with your weight?”
11. “I’m guessing you’re a size 8. Am I right? I think size 4 is ideal.”
12. “What race are you exactly?”
13. “Would you be open to watching a seven-part series on Calvinism and telling me what you think?”
And last but not least, my friend Jay offered this classy response: “Why would I ask a question? That just takes time away from me talking about myself.”
Something tells me our readers can add more questions to this list. Don’t hold back — let’s hear them.
The 5 worst questions you can ask on a first date
by Fran Creffield
On a first date good conversation is essential for success. Conversation is an art with a fine balance of talking, listening, self-disclosure and asking questions to show interest in the other person. There are some questions you should steer clear of on a first date – you may ask them further down the line if a relationship develops – but when you first meet, they could affect the success of the date.
1. Questions about marriage
The first date is an opportunity for you to get to know each other and discover whether there’s that essential ‘spark’ between you. If you launch straight into questions about marriage and commitment you might scare your date off. You will have gauged from their profile whether they’re interested in marriage but conversations about it are best left until you get to know each other better.
2. Do you like me?
It’s the question we all want to know the answer to but the one you should never ask. You will seem needy and insecure if you ask directly. You will often be able to tell from someone’s body language, conversation and manner towards you whether they are attracted to you. You will also get the answer to the question if they ask for a second date. Some people like to go away and process a date before they decide if they want to see the person again, so try to be patient and not push for an answer too soon.
3. Interview questions
A date should be fun but if you bombard your date with too many questions they may feel like they’re being interviewed for the position of your partner. If you ask a question be prepared to listen properly to the answer and share something about yourself on the same subject. Asking open questions (ones that require more than a yes or no answer) are meant to be leads into a shared conversation, rather than leaving your date feeling like you’re going through a checklist assessing their suitability.
4. Can I borrow some money?
The person you’re with is a virtual stranger and asking to borrow money from them – even if it is a genuine emergency and you’ve left your purse/wallet in a cab – is a no no. If you find yourself in a financial scrape call a friend to bail you out before you ask your date for help. They don’t know you and asking for money will make you come across as someone who can’t take care of themselves or, even worse, as a scammer.
5. Questions about sex
Whether you’re asking about their favourite sexual position, or how many partners they have had, all conversation about sex should be kept off the menu until further down the line. It’s far better to flirt and allude to such things on a first date than to talk about them directly. You don’t want to come across as someone who is just looking for cheap thrills if what you’re after is a lasting, committed relationship.
When answering a date’s questions keep your responses truthful, open and light. The biggest mistake people make is in over-sharing which can leave you feeling vulnerable and exposed – especially if the person decides that they don’t want to see you again.
Keep your questions and your answers natural, light and interesting and remember that a first date is more like an introduction to help you decide if you want to meet again.
What not to ask a first date
Interesting conversation is the key to a good first date. The way to keep it flowing is through a balance of sharing, listening, asking questions and showing an interest in the answers.
You need to be careful not to bombard your date with questions as this can make people uncomfortable. Try to stick to open questions which require more than a yes or no in response and be willing to tell them about yourself too.
A conversation is an exchange and if done well it can leave you both wanting more. There are some subjects that should be avoided on the first date if you want the best chance of moving on to a second date.
While you may really want to know whether your date is thinking in terms of marriage and a family, the first date is not the time to ask when you might walk down the aisle together. Even if there is a strong connection, broaching the subject of a future together too soon can scare even the keenest match away. Be patient and take the time to get to know each other first.
How do you think it is going?
Everyone feels insecure on a first date and it’s natural to want to ask for reassurance that your date likes you and is enjoying your company. However, asking the question will make you seem needy and insecure which aren’t attractive qualities. Instead rely on your intuition, read their body language and soon enough you will know – hopefully when they ask you on a second date.
Remember many people like to go away and reflect on a date before they decide if they want to see someone again. Be patient and don’t push for an answer too quickly.
Intense questioning should be used sparingly to avoid a first date being more like a job interview. It’s better to share an anecdote about your life that leads into a question rather that ask random, unrelated questions. Avoid questions that are really common but use what you already know from their profile e.g. instead of saying ‘Do you like music?’ you could say ‘I saw on your profile that you like Jazz, have you ever been to a live session?’
Have you got any cash?
Even in a genuine emergency where you’ve lost your purse/wallet do not ask your date if you can borrow money from them. You’re strangers and even if you’re sure you want to see each other again, asking for money gives the impression that at best, you’re careless and at worst, that you want to exploit them. If you find yourself in a financial scrape call a friend to bail you out.
A first date should be fun and the conversation kept light. You may know things about your match from your conversation online or their profile but this isn’t the time to explore more deeply. It is also not appropriate to ask about sexual preferences or other intimate details. There’ll be time for all those conversations when you’ve decided if you want to see each other again.
When you are asked questions keep your answers truthful and light. Avoid over-sharing as it can leave you feeling vulnerable and exposed especially if your date doesn’t ask to see you again.
The key to success on a first date is not getting attached too soon. Just enjoy the date for what it is, try to relax so you can see if there is any chemistry between you.
10 Questions You Should Never Ask On A First Date
I don’t go on many dates, but based on my very minimal experience and the experiences of my friends, I have some sense of what not to ask on a first date. If you want a second date, then don’t ask these questions. Just don’t!
1. What is your salary?
Don’t ask this question on a first date because if you do, you might be perceived as a gold digger.
2. Where are you really from?
If someone really wants to talk about their origins, let them, but don’t just ask because it can be a bit awkward, especially on a first date.
3. How many people have you slept with?
A first date is getting to know each other on a surface level, and these are not the type of questions you automatically ask. You can ask at a later date, but please not on the first!
4. Who is going to pay for the check?
Asking who is paying for whatever the date entailed is just awkward. Just by the body language, you should be able to tell who is going to pay for the food or whatever it is without having to be abrupt.
5. Would you ever marry me?
This is the first date, don’t ask if the person you are on a date with would marry you, don’t put them on the spot like that. You just met!
6. If we had kids, they would be so cute, don’t you think?
Just like the previous point, you just met, so talking about babies just doesn’t seem rational.
7. Can I post a picture of us on Instagram?
Posting a picture on Instagram with a significant other is actually a huge commitment because you are essentially telling the whole world who you are dating. Posting a picture of your first date is not a good idea because you don’t really know where this “love” will take you, and you don’t want to jinx anything.
8. Do you love me?
This person just met you, and love is a strong word, so please don’t put anyone on the spot. It takes time to develop love, so don’t ask such questions.
9. On a scale of 1-10, what would you rate me?
Asking someone to rate you is just weird on both ends. The person wants to be truthful, but also if they are too truthful they might hurt your feelings if they don’t say the right thing. It’s just awkward.
10. So what now?
Instead of asking, what to do next, you should just let things naturally occur.
In the end, just go with the flow and don’t try too hard but don’t give minimal effort either, just be yourself!
13 Great First Date Questions Backed by Science
Awkward silence is the killer of promising first dates. Fortunately, we’ve researched 13 great first date questions to ensure you never have to endure that painful silence! The only thing worse is bad small talk. I want to help you banish both from your dates.
According to the research, a flexible communication style—engaging questions, open-mindedness and easy back and forth is most effective.
Below, I outline my favorite first date (or second, third or fourth) date questions and conversation starters. Here is what they will do for you:
- Help you to gauge more quickly if you have a connection.
- Get to know their personality, history and areas of compatibility more quickly.
- Encourage great conversation.
Special Note: These are not meant to be pelted at your date in an interrogating manner. They should come up naturally and (hopefully) lead you on delicious conversational tangents so you can forget the questions entirely.
For some of these questions I have included “Don’t Ask” questions. These are the questions that are so canned, boring and predictable they should be exiled from good dates.
Our Best First Date Conversation Starters:
Are you working on any personal passion projects?
This is my go-to question and comes up very naturally if someone talks about a) being busy b) what they do for a living c) any hobbies. It can transition you into a nice, broad discussion about hobbies and how they spend their time. It’s so much better than “What are your hobbies?”
What’s the best present you ever gave someone? Ever received?
If it is around the holidays or one of your birthdays, you can talk about presents. This is also a great one if there is a birthday in the restaurant you are eating in!
What does a typical day look like for you?
Don’t ask “What do you do?” Instead, ask them about their typical day. This question will give you much more robust answers and you will learn far more about a person than just “What do you do?” You can find out if they are an early riser, how they spend their free time and, typically, their job will come up as well. I have found that you don’t really need to ask about their career–it usually comes up naturally.
I was reading this _____ and they said____.
I am a big fan of bringing up books and articles on first dates. Here are my favorite books that stimulate interesting conversations.
Is there anything you don’t eat?
This one comes up really easily if you are ordering food. It can produce some really easy conversation and might provide you with some great tidbits.
What sort of vacations do you like to take?
People often ask “Have you gone on any vacations recently?” However, someone can answer that very quickly—and they might not have gone anywhere (which results in awkward silence). Instead, try asking what kinds of vacations they like to take. This produces great conversation and ample “get to know you” responses. Talking about traveling even can get you a second date! Professor Richard Wiseman conducted a study and found that 18 percent of couples who discussed travel went on a second date, compared to only 9 percent of couples who talked about movies.
Anything surprising happen today?
Don’t just ask “How was your day?” Instead, ask them about what was surprising about their day. You also can try asking for their high point and low point. This will give you less of a canned response such as “fine” or “pretty good.”
Bonus: You also can use some of our killer conversation starters.
What’s the best advice anyone ever gave you?
Whenever someone shares a piece of advice with me, I typically ask them this question. It is a nice transition and brings up fascinating topics.
Tell me about your closest friends.
Use this if they bring up a friend or a story with their friends. This is a great follow-up question and will help you get to know who they spend their time with.
What were you like as a kid?
Some people ask “Are you close to your family?” but this can be a bit personal for a first date and people usually have a canned answer. Instead, ask them what they were like as a kid and let them tell you stories about them and their family.
Bonus: If you are familiar with Birth Order personality types (highly recommend it) you can ask if they have siblings and talk about birth order—do they fit the typical personality types for their order?
I’ve been watching ____ and love it. Have you seen any good movies or TV shows lately?
This is an easy one and will give you an idea of their viewing tastes.
Bonus: Which fictional character do you relate to the most?
Have you been to any good restaurants recently?
If you are eating out and talking about the quality of the food/menu/atmosphere this is an easy segue question to find out their dining habits.
Do you have any pet peeves?
This can come up as annoyances arise (inevitable)—someone is texting at the next table, someone is speaking too loudly across the room, there is a long line…
Bonus: Share Secrets
By sharing personal and emotional exchanges, you can promote connection, according to psychology professor Arthur Aron, psychology professor at State University of New York at Stony Brook. Take it a step further and discuss controversial topics, such as your stance on the upcoming presidential election or veganism. These types of conversations fuel the brain and are far more interesting to us than the boring, dull, typical convos, according to Dan Ariely, psychology professor at Duke University.
The worst first date questions
22 Aug 2018
So, you’ve asked her for a first date, she agreed and come. How to behave with her, what you could ask and which issues should be closed for your discussion for today or even for the next several dates. If you hope to turn your first date partner to your life partner, please, avoid those types of questions that could lead to a date disaster.
#1 – Never ask about the ex-boyfriend or husband
It’s a bad idea – to ask about her ex-boyfriend or husband. Last relationships are certainly not an issue that a person wants to share with you while you dating for the first time. Even if it’s a story of happy and long lasted relations, you should avoid discussing it on the start dating point. Don’t ask something like: “Why he decided to divorce?” or even “Why you are still single?” – it might hurt your interlocutor and leads to decision to say “No” to you and your potential love story.
#2 – Inappropriate salary questions
Are you from a tax service? Are you a headhunter and you want to hire your partner? If not, please, forget such questions on first date. First of all, this is absolutely inappropriate and makes you look like a mercenary person. Secondly, you could reformulate such a question in plenty ways and wouldn’t be perceived by your dating partner as a mendacious person: “What do you do for a living?”, “Please, tell me something interesting about your job” or “What are you proud of in your job” et cetera.
#3 – Any questions about the wedding and the serious relationship between you
It’s a completely bad sign if a person starts conversation on your first date from wedding issues or discussion on religion of your future children. Be not so serious, your first date partner would be scared if you start from such fundamental themes like marriage, your potential children, their sex, names and religion. Never ask such bad things, it’s only your first date, you need to know each other, not to scare each other.
#4 – Terrible questions about physical deviations or worse about the shape of the body
“Are you on a diet?”, “Is that a hairpiece?”, “Do you need some special food for you?” Why would you ask someone that? You want to give your first date partner a piece of advice, or you want to hurt him or her? Everyone would immediately decide that you are judging your partner, or you want to share your opinion that he or she is too fat. It’s totally rude, bad and inappropriate to ask something like this on your first date, but not only first one.
#5 – Never use “I searched information about you in Google
It sounds really creepy and awkward. Even if you check your first date partner’s profiles in Facebook and LinkedIn before your date, don’t confess on it. At least, while your first date.
So, try to be cute and polite on your first date, be positive and open-minded. Don’t ask bad first date questions and focus on issues that you are interesting in your partner. And don’t waste your time – register just now on our web site UaDreams, fulfill application form and choose your potential first date partner from thousands of profiles of amazing Russian and Ukrainian woman. Who knows, perhaps, it’s your future soulmate, but you could clearly understand it only after your first date.
Tags: uadreams blog, tips for men, marriage agency, find love, dating experience, dating advices, Bride from Ukraine
First dates can be both scary and exciting at the same time. Have you ever wondered what you would say? Or worried about those deadly silences? Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered! Check out our list of 15 funny first date questions that will brighten up the mood and get the conversation going.
1. What was the longest time you have ever waited to pick up some food that you’ve dropped on the floor?
We all call it the ‘five-second rule’ but we all know that those five seconds can in fact last as long as 30 (and that’s not even gross, trust me). How can you possibly allow that bit of pepperoni off of your pizza slice to just lay there pitifully? Remember, wasting food is a bad habit.
2. What’s your record time for eating all of the popcorn at the movie theatre?
You can’t tell me that my bucket of popcorn can possibly last for the entire film! Surely it’s only supposed to get me through the previews, am I right?
3. Do you believe in ghosts?
Make sure to note down their reply and act accordingly. A white sheet with some holes for eyes should do the trick.
4. Do you think that cats are secretly out to get us?
I don’t know about you, but I’ve seen some demonic cats in my time. They’re definitely up to something, I’m telling you.
5. How do you put on your toilet roll?
There is only one way of doing it, so technically this shouldn’t even be question. If you answer incorrectly then you definitely don’t belong on this planet.
6. How much do you like fried chicken?
This is a really important question that you have to ask anyone you go on a date with. It will help you determine whether they are the right match for you. Make sure that you consider their response carefully before deciding whether you want to go on another date with them.
7. How many times have you tried communicating with your dog?
Whether telepathically or in the more traditional way, I can guarantee that all of us dog lovers out there have definitely tried speaking to our dog. What’s more, it actually works, and they’ve got a lot to tell us.
8. How different am I to my profile?
Actually, I’m not sure you would want to know the answer to this. But you deserve a bit thumbs up if you dare to ask (just joking, I’m sure they’ll be nice about it).
9. Why are you still single?
A perfect question that can be interpreted in two very different ways. Make sure to make it sound like you’re complementing them.
10. What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve Googled?
Hey Google, how do you cook bacon? We’ve all been there and done that, but at least we’ve learned from the experience (at least I hope so). I have my own list of stupid things I’ve had to look up online. Who knows, maybe your date is just as silly as you are? There’s no way of knowing until you ask! This one of the funny first date questions that could get weird so enjoy!
11. If you didn’t know my name, what would you call me?
‘Oh, you definitely look like ’ is a phrase I have heard way too many times. Still, I find it entertaining to see what names people can come up with for me. In fact, I can’t blame them for doing that, because I often try to guess the names of waiters in restaurants before they come to take my order. It’s fun, you should try it sometime.
12. Could you survive without your phone?
The answer is: no. How else am I going to keep my Snapchat streak going? My bestie will never forgive me for that.
13. How long will you suffer for until you finally get up to get that remote?
I’m telling you, it’s definitely too far away to reach. I’m sure that if I just sit here for another minute or so, someone will bring it to me. It’s okay, I can wait.
14. What’s the longest you’ve ever slept for?
Sticking to the topic of laziness (which, by the way, isn’t a sin), I can assure you that some people are literally impossible to out-sleep. What’s the longest you’ve ever slept for? I’m sure you’ll be proud to know that your date is still miles away from your personal best.
15. The smell of which alcohol reminds you of that night you almost died?
It’s good old Baileys for me. Never again will I come near it and don’t even try to force me. I’m sure we’ve can all vividly remember that one night (you know which one I’m talking about) and that one particular drink that you don’t want to taste ever again. This is definitely one of the funny first date questions that will lead to a good story!
Have you given any of these funny first date questions a try? Let us know in the comments below!
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